20. Three Toxic Relationship Habits and How to Overcome Them
Oct 24, 2023
Heidi
Join us as we delve into the three toxic relationship habits that could be wreaking havoc on your love life, and more importantly, how to break free from them. First, we tackle the dangerous habit of getting stuck in the past, constantly rehashing old arguments and grievances. Discover practical strategies to let go of the stories that no longer serve you and your relationship. Next, we explore the damaging pattern of complaining without communicating your needs and desires. Learn the art of making clear and constructive requests, fostering a healthier, more communicative connection with your partner. Lastly, we confront the detrimental habit of scorekeeping in relationships. Find out how to shift your perspective and focus on building a partnership based on mutual understanding and support rather than competition.
Join us as we delve into the three toxic relationship habits that could be wreaking havoc on your love life, and more importantly, how to break free from them. First, we tackle the dangerous habit of getting stuck in the past, constantly rehashing old arguments and grievances. Discover practical strategies to let go of the stories that no longer serve you and your relationship. Next, we explore the damaging pattern of complaining without communicating your needs and desires. Learn the art of making clear and constructive requests, fostering a healthier, more communicative connection with your partner. Lastly, we confront the detrimental habit of scorekeeping in relationships. Find out how to shift your perspective and focus on building a partnership based on mutual understanding and support rather than competition.
Yep, you cannot minimize zoom while you're recording. I'm minimizing.
Speaker 2:
This is not the way I'm recording.
Speaker 1:
All right, ready, are you ready? Are you ready? Okay, this quick training is going to be and sound different than anything you have heard before. We're not here to make promises that your marriage will be the way it was before. It won't. You've changed, and your partners changed too. That's why it's time to reinvent your marriage. We want to share with you an authentic, principle-based solution to your problems. What we have to teach you is simple, but not easy. This is not for everyone, but we 100% promise that this will change the way that you see yourself and your life, and that will create the formula that helps you to reinvent your marriage by reinventing yourself.
Speaker 2:
So I have a question Do you feel disconnected, Like you're walking on eggshells around your spouse, or you're feeling like living like roommates and you fear the worst splitting up your family? When you think of where things have ended up, you feel like a failure and you're beginning to lose hope that things are ever going to change. If so, I want you to keep watching this video, because we're going to give you a simple system to reinvent your marriage so you can unlock that love and appreciation in your marriage that will lead to deeper connection, passion and potentially, even a shared mission within your marriage.
Speaker 1:
But before we share this with you, let's just be clear about what this is not. This is not about abiding by each other's love languages. This is not about just learning communication strategies, and it's not about scheduled intimacy. It's also not about rehashing and constantly talking about your problems. Still you, oh dang it. I kind of screwed up there.
Speaker 2:
It's okay, let's just slow down a little bit.
Speaker 1:
Okay, yeah, I need to slow down, I need to go too fast and get it over with, and that's not what we're here to do.
Speaker 2:
You know, it's how much slower my pace is, Like you're speaking to someone, and this is the first time they've heard this.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Their nurses are overstimulated.
Speaker 1:
They're in a fucking state, so you need to be soothing.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and that's what I'm talking about. Like, do you feel disconnected? I feel like you're walking on eggshells. By the way, we do say eggshells twice. Yeah, it's an egg shell, you know? Oh man, no-transcript.
Speaker 1:
I said, and you said oh, up here Constantly walking on Asia. How about you constantly second guessing yourself?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, slow down, you're talking to your best friend who really needs to hear this Okay. That's what we're doing yeah, this is what we're starting over.
Speaker 1:
I'm not sure if.
Speaker 2:
I'm close enough to the mic. Am I good? Okay, we can try to get it, it's got to see what it looks like.
Speaker 1:
That looks fine. I'm going to start with a quick question. What quick training is going to be and sound different than anything you've ever heard before? We're not here to make outrageous promises that your marriage will be like it was before. It won't. You've changed, and your partner has changed too, and that's why it's time to reinvent your marriage. We want to share with you an authentic, principle based solution to your problems. We want to make sure that you're not going to be like everyone, but if you do this, you will 100% change the way you view yourself and the world, which will give you a formula to reinvent your marriage through reinventing yourself first.
Speaker 2:
So I have a question Do you feel disconnected, like you're walking on eggshells around your spouse, or you're living like roommates and you fear the worst, splitting up your family? When you think of where things have ended up, you feel like a failure and you're beginning to lose hope that things can ever change. If so, I want you to keep watching this video, because we're going to give you a simple system to reinvent your marriage so you can unlock that love and appreciation for your marriage, leading to deeper connection, passion and potentially even a shared mission within your marriage.
Speaker 1:
And before we share this with you, we just want to be clear about what this is not. This is not about abiding by each other's love languages. It's not about learning new communication strategies or scheduling your intimacy, and this is definitely not rehashing the past and constantly talking about your problems. The key is not to restore your marriage, but rather to reinvent it. We're going to show you how it's crucial to reinvent a new you so that you can reinvent your marriage before these problems take a larger toll on your kids, your health or your bank account. Our promise to you is that if you go all in, you will change, and it only takes one to save your marriage.
Speaker 2:
And see we can make these promises because we've been where you are. We've done this ourselves and we've helped many couples and individuals reinvent themselves, leading to them reinventing their life, their businesses and relationships. We are Ryan, heidi Sawyer, and seven years ago our lives were completely different in every single way. I had recently left my childhood dream job of being a collegiate football coach because I was battling with suicidal depression. We had made a move into a home that we're remodeling and I didn't even know if I was going to be welcome to stay there the next night. I had just let something around.
Speaker 1:
Sorry, you could start it that we're Ryan and Heidi Sawyer or we can just start it over.
Speaker 2:
I think it's getting better, more we're practicing it, so no, I think we're, I think it's good so far, so we'll start right here, no, let's just start right here.
Speaker 2:
We can make this promise because we have been where you are. We have done this ourselves and we have helped many couples and individuals reinvent themselves, leading to them reinventing their lives, their businesses and their relationships. We're Ryan and Heidi Sawyer, and seven years ago, where our lives were completely different in every single way, I had recently left my college, my college job. What's going on here?
Speaker 1:
Is there resistance about the whole, like that? One line in there, one line.
Speaker 2:
No, yeah, I think it's a good one. We can make this promise because we have been where you are. We have done this for ourselves and we have helped many couples and individuals reinvent themselves, leading to them reinventing their life, business and relationships. We're Ryan and Heidi Sawyer, and seven years ago our lives were completely different in every way.
Speaker 2:
I had recently left my childhood dream job as a college football coach because I was in a battle with suicidal depression. We had just recently made a move into a home that we were remodeling. I didn't even know if I was going to be welcome to live there anymore, because the truth about an affair had just come to the surface. I had just started a residential painting company and I was trying to figure out how to just make enough money to pay the bills to support my family. Not knowing how I was going to put food on the table then in the next week or the next month Then in this spot motivated me to figure out how to get out of it. By doing so, we uncovered a system that works for any problem.
Speaker 1:
Before we go into this system, let me just check in with you. Do you feel frozen because it seems like everything that you say or do leads to an argument or fight? You're constantly second guessing yourself and you know that there has to be another way, but you find yourself avoiding the problem, buffering with things like TV, alcohol, sports, food or even shopping. As you go on, the days just start to feel like they're passing you by and like you're living life on a hamster wheel and nothing's going to change. Maybe you find yourself experiencing deep guilt when you've lashed out at your kids because of the frustration that you're having with your partner or your spouse, and later you beat yourself up about it. You feel bad about it and you feel guilty, and it's not the person that you want to be.
Speaker 1:
Do you feel that the struggles in your marriage are keeping you up at night and keeping you unable to focus at work and during the day?
Speaker 1:
Are you secretly terrified that you may be wasting time in a marriage that's never going to last and if it does, you'll continue to be unsatisfied, even though it feels like this is all the real problem? The real problem is that you don't have a system that focuses on the one thing that you can control and the one thing that will change everything for you, not just in your marriage, but in all areas of your life. Once you have this system, you'll no longer worry that every conversation will turn into an argument. You'll feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders because you let go of what doesn't serve you and your relationship, and you'll be able to remain calm and communicate authentically, creating safety and connection, and you'll have a new sense of confidence that will lead to impacting every single area of your life. It doesn't matter how bad your relationship has gotten, or even if your spouse or yourself have had an affair or you just have no idea how to move forward and your partner seems completely distant. It can all be turned around.
Speaker 2:
Now listen, one thing we want you to know very clearly. This is not your fault. The world conditions us to look at all the wrong places for happiness and connection. We've been playing the wrong game. You've been playing the wrong game, the external game of money, of career, of looks, achieved acknowledgement, essentially everything outside of you needing to be a certain way for you to be okay inside, and it's time to take control of your mind, of your life and your relationship, going forward Just like we did seven years ago when our marriage was on the brink of divorce.
Speaker 2:
The difference between a struggling marriage and a thriving one is that the thriving one has a sense of ease because of the system for each individual to be on their own unique path that has nothing, nothing to do with the other partner, and when those paths are traveled individually, it opens up possibility for a completely new experience in your marriage. When you focus on your problems in your marriage, you end up spending your time and energy trying to repair yesterday's blow up and trying and staying stuck in this cycle of creating the same problems over and over. If you continue to play this game, eventually you'll sabotage your marriage or your spouse will leave you If you try to solve your problems from the same level of mind that created them, you will continue to relive the same negative experiences.
Speaker 1:
That's not what we want for you, and we know that's not what you want for yourself either. To reinvent your marriage, you first have to create that new level of mind, and to do this, you need to change the game that you're playing. You need to shift from playing the outer game of blaming and complaining to playing the inner game of extreme acceptance. Playing the inner game can be simplified down into five actionable steps. First, you've got to slow down and be patient. The next, you need to focus on yourself first, because you can't pour from an empty cup and then hold a vision for your marriage, create a vision for what you want your marriage to look like and then being intentional in taking the steps to fulfill that vision and all the while, most importantly, staying open and staying optimistic, believing that things can change. So, at the end of the day, I think we all are in that place where we wanna know that we did everything we could, that we left no stone unturned and in full transparency. We're not promising that we can fix your current relationship, but what we do promise is that if you make these shifts, you will change and the outcome will be what's best for everyone involved, and it may even turn out better than you could even have imagined. If your marriage comes back together, great. But if not, at least you use this situation to grow and heal and learn how to be true to yourself. And when you integrate these steps, you'll experience a natural confidence and calm that will lead to that clarity around that next step. That's right for you.
Speaker 1:
So if you're ready and willing to discuss what's next for you in your marriage, I want you to click the link below to access our calendar where you can book a call to speak with one of us personally. If we're a great fit and we decide to work together, we'll be walking alongside you as you shift from the outer game to the inner game and begin to transform yourself and your relationship. And if you decide that this isn't for you, that's okay too. This will not be a high pressure sales call. We wanna make sure that you understand that what we're doing is unique. We're doing this together, and if you're a woman and you're ready to speak with someone, you'll be speaking with me.
Speaker 2:
And if you're a man and you're ready to take the next steps, you'll be speaking with me.
Speaker 1:
And before you book your call, we just want you to know this isn't for everyone. You've gotta be ready and you must be willing and open to reinventing yourself. If you wanna stay stuck, don't book the call. But if you're ready for deeper connection, passion and potentially a shared mission in your marriage, book your call now. Woo, Did we do it? I think we did it.