008. "I Want to be Present with My Family But I'm Stressed with Work!"

Stressed with work and struggling to be present with family?  In this episode, Alejandra discusses the challenges of balancing work and family during the holiday season and shares tools and strategies for being present with family.

She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and offers tips for prioritizing tasks and managing workload.

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Intro Song: Cumbia No Frills Faster by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100275

Artist: http://incompetech.com/

Transcript

Shure MV7 & Lumina Camera - Raw: 0:54

Hey friends. Welcome back to the podcast. It is almost Christmas. We're almost bigger and, you know, Latinas, we celebrate on the 24th. So we really almost there. I will be heading over to Maryland. That's where I was born and raised. If you don't know, I was born and raised in Maryland, moved to Miami where I am now back in 2016. And since I moved, I have not been back to Maryland for both Christmas and new years. I usually will always go back for Christmas. But for new year's I'll usually come back to Miami. I love new year's new year's is my favorite holiday. It was for a long time. It was definitely for all my twenties. And, um, I actually, I actually haven't re-evaluated to see if that's changed, but it's still kind of feels true. I just love new year's. I love the energy. I love that everyone's excited about goals. I love that people are just seeing it as a fresh start. I see it as a fresh start. I just feel like there's so much more hope about, you know, for people, whether they had. An awful year and are looking at the next year as a better year. So I'm just a big, big fan. I'm usually back in Miami for new year's. But this time I was like, you know what? I want to spend it with my family. I haven't spent new year's in Maryland since I moved. So the last new year's I celebrated. With my family was going into 2016 and we're now going into 2024. So that's wild. I'm really excited about it. And it's a little bit of mixed emotions. Like I'm mostly excited. But I do stay with my mom and her home, and there are other people there and there's one bathroom. So it's kind of like a race to who gets there first. A lot of times. And it's just not the most spacious blaze. So usually around day five or six, I'm like, all right, I'm ready to go back to Miami. I'm ready to be back in my room in my bed. But it's going to work. And I really excited mostly to be spending it with my family. And I know my mom's really happy about it too. And that just brings me a lot of joy and my mom. Experiences a lot of joy whenever I come home. And so for it to have been for this time to be 10 days, I know she's really happy. And that just warms my heart as well. So it's mixed emotions, but I'm looking forward to it mostly. And today on this podcast, I want to actually talk about how we can spend time with our family in a way that is. Present in a way where we are actually there with our family and not just thinking about work. I know that this can be difficult in terms of unplugging ourselves. When we are in the holidays zone, we know we want to spend time with our family and we know we want to be present, but we can't seem to get our mind off of work. So that's really what we are going to talk about today. The title of this podcast is I want to be present with my family, but I'm stressed help SOS. So I got to this podcast is to be able to help you with that very thing. If you are boggled down thinking about work, if you're really stressed right now, let's go ahead and unpack this. I'm going to go over to tools that you can use to help you. Get organized to help you set boundaries and how you can begin to shift your mindset around going into the holidays so that you can spend it with your family and be present. One of the things about the end of year, the holiday season is this might be your situation. Some organizations, this is actually a busy time of the year. I worked in advertising when I was in my younger years. And that was one of those organizations where the end of the year was a busier time. Also, I worked at a nonprofit organization and the end of year is a big push to get last minute donations for people to get their last donations in that they can use as a tax write off for the year. And so it's a busy time. I, my first job out of college was an admin assistant at a nonprofit organization called SOS USA children's villages, or it was SOS children's villages. It was. The USA headquarters. And so during the holiday season, there would be so many. Envelopes coming in last minute donations. And I mean, like on the 26th, on the 27th, on the 28th, and even when I got back on January 1st, like anything that was dated on the envelope for the 29th or the 30th or the 31st, like anything from the prior year that would still be counted to the prior year. So then even when I got back, I would have to make sure that I was inputting all of these donations in as quickly as possible to make sure they were counted for. So I know that some people, and this may be you listening right now, where that might be part of the struggle where you're like, I want to spend time with my family and be present, but like girl, the office is a wild, there's so much work. And so I know what that can be like. And also when you take time off, but then you take time off and then you have to pay for it. When you get back by working longer hours to make up for the time you took off. That is such a crappy cycle and I've been there. And so I want to be able to support you with some tools here. As a solopreneur, I will tell you that this is something that I struggle with. And a lot of what I'm going to share with you is going to be things that I use for myself and things that I help my clients use as well to help us. So trust me, just when I say I feel you on the stress on how you handle work and also be present with your family. So what actually makes it difficult for us to relax? To actually be with our family. I think there's a few things like number one, I already talked about how it can get even busier during this time of year. So maybe that is the organization you're in or an industry that you're in, where it is actually, your workload is higher. And then number two, there is this thing about struggling with boundaries. You know, a lot of the work that I do is with Latinas and I have seen this time and time again. Where we struggle to set boundaries, not only boundaries around saying no or saying like there's too much on my plate right now. I can't take that on. We want to say yes to everything. And then that gets entangled with people pleasing, but then there's also boundaries in our mindset around how do we set a boundary around when I think about work and when I don't think about work. And so there's multiple things going on here. I am a perfectionist and I have to be very careful about how that shows up in my life to make sure that it's showing. Going up in a way that's helping me and being beneficial. That has been a journey. And I am by no means in the place where I would desire to be, to use perfectionism to an advantage. It still can be detrimental for me. And so that's another thing that can happen where we are perfectionist, and we want everything to be perfect and everything needs to look a certain way and we have to get everything done and we have to look like we're perfect. And we have to look like we have it all together. And it's exhausting even to just say it on the podcast. So that's another thing that can. Have us be struggling is we are poor at setting boundaries. And that is both in our mindset. And that is both an interpersonal relationships with other people to say no to certain items or certain tasks that just are not going to get done and that we don't have the bandwidth to do. And maintain our wellbeing. Because. If we say yes to everything and then we do it and then we try to do it all on our own. That is one of the things that can lead us to burnout. So I want you to complete this exercise. If you are struggling right now with your workload, if you're struggling to stay. Present with your family or if you find yourself thinking a lot about work, when you're outside of work. Number one. I want you to do a workload assessment. I've done this with clients and this is great during the holidays. It's also great. If you're just really stressed about work or if you're feeling really overwhelmed. And you're on the verge of burnout. If you know, you're on the verge of burnout, you definitely want to do this assessment. The assessment is called the workload assessment and it's to help you to get back on track and it's to help you to just see everything more logically, to be able to see it's mapping out. It allows you to kind of just put everything down on the table, take a look at it and go, okay, this is what's going on. And this is what I'm working with here. It allows us to get anchored and so that we can actually get organized and solve problems if there is a problem that we see. So this is the way that it works. The workload assessment is when you go through all of your work, the first step that you're going to do is you're going to brain dump all the work that needs to get done. And you don't have to try to make it pretty or make it organized or prioritize it. That will be the next step just right now, just brain dump. As, as you're listening to this, when you're home and you have time, or when you're in the office and you have pen and paper, you can open up a Google doc, just brain dump, all the things that need to get done before you leave your office or it, before you close your laptop for the holidays. Now that you've listed everything out. I want you to then prioritize the top three most important things. When you're thinking about the top three most important things. I want you to think about it in this way. It is urgent. A meaning it has a deadline. It must get done by the 31st. I'm not talking about all the things that should get done, ideally would get done. No, I'm talking about the things that have to get done. They are urgent and must be done by the 31st. As you're going and you prioritize the top three, not 10, not five. I said three. You're going to list those out. And next to each of those tasks, you're going to write down how long you think it will take you to complete that task. So on one column you have, for example, Finish reports for 2023 by December 30. First, next to that, how many hours do you think that that's going to take you? Let's say you say it's two hours or three hours, whatever it is, list that out for each of your top three tasks that are non-negotiable that are urgent and must. Must get done by the 31st. After you see how many hours each of those tasks will take you, you can now put it in your calendar. So let's say in total you have. Eight nine hour. Let's just say nine, nine hours worth of work. And you have three business days to do it. How are you going to divide them into your calendar? That's your job right now, add them into your calendar. If you look at your calendar and you have all of these meetings and you have not even three hours outside of meetings, you know, you have a problem and now you can begin to address for that problem. So that's part of why you want to do this. You want to see what you're really working with. How much work do you actually need to do? What's your calendar currently look like and how do you start prioritizing effectively? So you put now the number of hours you put that in your calendar and you can take a look. Now, what am I working with? This is like the. Imaginary putting everything out on the table, except it's on a calendar. So now you put everything on a calendar and you can look at it and you can see. Oh crap. I don't actually have enough time. I have. 40 hours of work to do, and I have nine. Hours in the office available to do it. So now, you know, this is not possible. Now you can start to problem solve instead of like freaking out and thinking you're going to lose your job. Now you have to actually start problem solving for how am I going to either one delegate to communicate that this isn't going to get done. Three D prioritize something else you have to now start problem solving, which you can do because now, you know what you're working with. Now let's say, and this has actually happened many times with my clients, and it's a good thing to come out of this. It's usually best case scenario. You do this exercise and you realize, oh, I have. Nine hours of work that actually deadline wise needs to get done. And I have. 20 hours of work available. So, you know, that you actually have more than enough time to get it done and you can get it done. It really helps you to see one where you are short and you need to start communicating delegating, deprioritizing, et cetera. Or will you realize you have enough time and you can now start working on it and do it from a much calmer place. Because you can see what you're actually working with. If you realize that there aren't enough hours for you to do what needs to get done, that's when you need to start putting together your plan to communicate, you need to ask for help. You need to see if the deadline can be pushed. You need to ask if this is actually something that must get done by the 31st. Is it possible to push it? If not, is there someone that can help you? You need to think about the different people that will be impacted by this and communicate with them. Usually we're talking about your direct manager, direct reports or peers, and really highly collaborative roles. So you want to start thinking about, well, who do I need to communicate with and start that plan so that everyone knows what's going on. This part is so important because when we finally get organized and we can see what we're working with, then we can communicate clearly. Versus if you go to your manager and you're like, I'm just so overwhelmed or you don't see anything. And then you're overwhelmed and things are missing deadlines. Either way, not communicating. Or vaguely communicating is not going to allow you to be at peace with your work, versus when you can look at everything. Clearly you can communicate clearly. I'm not saying you're going to be at peace and just coasting, but you can at least have more peace knowing what is possible and what is impossible. Before doing the workload assessment, I will find that my clients are stuck in the overwhelm in the, there are so much to do when there's not enough time to do it. And I just don't know how it all is going to get done. And it feels like doom and gloom. And after the workload assessment, there are actionable items. And a lot of times that just alleviate so much when we are pent up and we feel overwhelmed and we're stressed. And we know we want to spend time with our family and we know that that's important, but we can't seem to wrap our brain around actually shutting off and unplugging it like amps up the frustration. And so this is going to be really helpful for you to be able to put that at ease and be able to go into problem solving more in logical mind. The point of the workload assessment is for you to take power over what you have and what to do. It is a way to empower yourself versus being in the stuck overwhelm. Now, the second part of this conversation is about setting boundaries. We have, I have found from my experience and working from, with many Latinas. Does setting boundaries is a difficult thing for us. And I will talk about that on a separate podcast, but for right here, Let's talk about boundary setting in two ways. I want to talk about boundary setting in setting boundaries with other people about the tasks that you can do. And setting boundaries in your mind so that when you are not working, you can actually be enjoying your time with your family. So number one, let's say someone comes through and they're like, Hey, can you do this? Or can you do that? Or whatever it may be that they're trying to add onto your plate. This is a time where you set boundaries and now that you know what you're working on, because you did your workload assessment. You can communicate that. So it's not like, you're like, no, I can't do that. But you can go, oh, Hey. Thank you for letting me know about this. I'm actually currently working on these three things and in order for me to get them done by the 31st, I really have to focus on them because they are urgent. I would not be able to take this task on without deprioritizing something else or missing a deadline on something else. So what do you think, would it be best to find someone else that can work on it? Can we work on it in January? Is this something I can delegate or is one of the tasks? I currently have something that can delegate, like. You know, we can talk, let's talk. So you can open up the conversation depending on what level they're at and depending on you know, who this person is. Or if it's a peer that is throwing something on your plate that very well they can do, then you can say with grace, Oh, you know, I'm sorry. Right now I'm working on these three things and they're really urgent. I don't have the capacity at the moment to take that on. Sorry. If you need some help in the new year, I'm happy to help out then, but I can't at the moment. And you set your boundary. Because our lack of setting boundaries, like I said, can lead us down to burnout because we're saying yes to everything and we don't have enough time to actually complete all the things that we are saying yes to. So you've got to be able to set some boundaries on this. That's going to be a really key part of this, and there's no way to get around it. We have to get better at setting boundaries. So that's around boundaries around tasks. Now you also want to set boundaries mentally around what you do when you will leave the office. When you're no longer there. And so let me just tell you a little bit about how I am approaching the holidays. I told you I'm a solopreneur and I can struggle with this. I. I oftentimes will find myself going on vacation and thinking. Yeah, like I'll just do a couple of things. I'll bring my laptop out. Like, I'll just do a couple of things. Like no big deal. And then I'm on vacation. I'm like, why did I do this? Like, why did I say I would do this? This was not the smartest idea. And you would think I learned my lesson after like the first or second time, but I've done this many, many, many times. And so even as the Christmas holiday and I'm going home for the first time, for 10 days for this long and Christmas and new year's, I was thinking about, do I want to spend the Christmas week? Do I want to keep my calls, my client calls or not? And the moment I started talking about it with my husband, I was like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to have client calls. I want to be able to be with my family. I don't want to be on a client call when my brother is there and we can be watching reruns of friends. That's like our favorite thing to do. Or be on a client call, but my baby cousin who I have not yet met is in the house. And I want to actually carry him and see how cute he is. I don't want to be on focused on work when what I really desires to be focused on my family and spending time with my family. So I decided that I wasn't going to do that. I'm not going to have any calls. And I know that I am a solopreneur and I can make that decision, but I want to also offer to you that if you are off because the office is closed, they made the decision. They made the decision that there is no work to be done. There is no work that's going to be happening during this time because the office is closed because it's the holidays. So even then that decision has already been made. And there are some reminders that I use for myself that maybe will be helpful for you, especially as we go into Christmas. Number one. Your value does not come from your work. Your, a value is established by God. The amount of work that you do does not make you more valuable or less valuable. So just think about this is not about whether you are good enough or not. Good enough. This is about you communicating well, getting the things that are urgent and need to be done, and being able to walk away from that laptop, knowing you did what you could to the best of your ability in excellence. Do you want to be stressed about work, knowing that you did everything that you could, or do you want to be present with your family? And I want to say this really gently because. I know that there are corporate cultures that make this feel impossible. That make it like your job is really on the line. If you're not bought a work through Christmas and new years. So, if that is genuinely your situation, I don't want you to take this on as if what you're experiencing is not true. What I do want to say. Is that. As Latinas, we can put so much pressure on ourselves. Our perfectionism can flare up during the holiday season at times. Because we want to make sure everything gets done perfectly. We want to be perfect for our families. And when you, and we want to be perfect for the office and we want to be perfect at what we do. And we're putting so much pressure on ourselves to get all these things done. And there have been times where I've looked around the office and I'm been like, what the heck am I doing stress? And everyone, else's fine. Like, why am I doing this? Why am I stressed? Why am I the one doing all of this? And sometimes I would get resentful. A lot of times I'd get resemble. But now in hindsight, I can see, I was putting that pressure on myself. And I was getting upset that other people were, they put that same pressure on themselves. But that's what I'm accustomed to. I'm accustomed to putting pressure on myself. I'm a custom to having, uh, being in like a pressure cooker in order to survive in order to be able to get onto the next thing. And work, work, work, work, work. But that's not where I currently am. And I just find a lot of times when I'm working with my clients is they're putting so much pressure on themselves to get all these things done. And no one else is stressed, but they feel like they have to carry the weight of the world. So this is resonating with you. I just want you to take inventory. I just want you to reflect. Do all the things really need to get done. Or are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself? What would happen if you decided to not think about work outside of work? What would happen if you decided to delete your mail, your email from your phone? What would happen if you decided to get the things done, that you could communicate the rest. Set boundaries walk out of the office or close your laptop and just be with your family. What would happen? Because again, I'm going to say this gently and with so much love. The company's not going to cripple down. Because you took time off during Christmas. The company's not going to go under because you, you spend time with your family. The company is going to be just fine. And I want you to understand this. You don't have to put a lot of pressure on yourself. I'm not, I don't want to minimize what you do and I don't want to. Make it seem like work is an important, I think work is very important. I'm a car rear coach. Hello. I think work is important in that what we do. Is contributing to the world in some capacity. And that doesn't have to be. In a nonprofit way, but there's so many ways that we can contribute to the world and the using the gifts that God gave us. But I think that our careers should be an avenue in which we are contributing. But so many of us are in careers. That are just destroying us. They're destroying our mental wellbeing. They're destroying our relationships because we're not present. They're destroying our emotional wellbeing, our physical wellbeing, so many different aspects. And so just explore, what would it be like for you to do the work that you can do? And move on from there because the company's not going to go under. Even in companies where I've had clients that were high leader roles in smaller organizations. Even when they get laid off or when they get fired. I have seen people at dang near the C-suite like right under VP. I get fired. Guess what the company kept going. It wasn't easy, but the company is going to figure it out. And they're going to be okay. And so are you. I also like to remind myself of the purpose of Christmas. So the purpose of Christmas is not for me to be focused on work. It's not for me to be stressed about work. The focus of Christmas for me is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. The goodness of God. To celebrate amongst my family members to eat good food, to sing some songs. To play somebody guess. And love on one another and connect and be warm and cozy. So even if you're not Christian, what is the season for, what is this time for? Is it for you to be focused on work? Like you are the vast majority of the year anyway, or is it for you to be with your family?? Is it for you to create some traditions? I remember I heard this thing once and it really messed me up. I think the average life they say for women in America is 79. So let's just say my mom lives 79 years. Would love for that to be more God-willing. But I think about this. When I was told, think about how many years, just the average lifespan your mother has. And then think about how many more Christmases you have with her. For me that comes down to 36 Christmases that I have with my mom. 36. That's not a lot. I don't want to spend. One Christmas, not even one Christmas being more focused about work. Than I am. My family. cause I got 36 Christmases left. And I don't even know if that's what I got because only God knows that. So that really messed me up when I heard it. Especially as someone who doesn't live in the same city, where. My mom lives. I don't see my mom on a weekly basis on a monthly basis. I see my mom a few times a year. And maybe that's you too. You don't live in the same city where you grew up, you don't live in the same city with your mom. You're not seeing your family that often. So the times that we are just think about that, be intentional about what is important to you. I had to be intentional and realize there is no way that my work, my career is more important than my family. For a few days during Christmas. And so again, I don't want you to think that your work isn't important that your role is an important, or gaslit you, in case you do have a manager. That's breathing down your neck or it does feel like your job is on the line. I don't want it like that is real. And I know that that is real. That are some people that is some people's situations. I just want you to really reflect, I want you to really reflect, is that your situation or are you putting. A lot of pressure on yourself. Are you being a perfectionist? Are you being really hard on yourself? Because if you are, I invite you to step out of that and explore what would, what it would look like. For you to close a laptop and decide that you are going to focus on your family. And do the things that are going to help you to focus on your family. So, like I said, I will be removing my email from my phone. I have removed all my client calls and I have booked that out of my calendar. So no one can book calls with me. I am not available. What are the things that you're going to do to support you? And also know that when you start to think about work and you are with your family, It's okay. Don't panic. One of my favorite things to do is when I have thoughts that come up that are not helpful, detrimental trying to steer me down the overwork or under feeling undervalued or not seen. I will look at the thoughts and I'll identify them and I will treat them as a third person like, oh, Hey, it's you. You think you need a work, even though you're off. Remember we agreed that we weren't going to work. I will just talk to my thoughts. And treat them like a third person. And reason with them. I treat it as something separate. I don't panic. Sometimes I do. I'm just talking about when. In this practice, I'm like, I don't panic. And. I say, Hey, we're not doing that. I know you think it's time to work because you're so accustomed to that, but we're actually not doing that right now. Right now. We're hanging out with our family. This is another great way to set boundaries. Mentally is treat your thoughts, like a separate thing, like a separate entity, like a third party. And how would you have a conversation with them when that thought comes up and remember that. Passion that you have in your heart to want to spend with your family instead. We don't have to entertain every single thought they are separate from us. All right. I mean, you guys, that's everything I have for you. I hope that this was helpful. Please enjoy your time with your family, please, please, please enjoy your time with your family. Life is short. Enjoy the connection that joy, the food. Enjoy it all. Maybe you're a Christmas movie watcher. That's not what I do, but you know, if that's you amen. Whatever it is, just enjoy it and know that Christmas is a wonderful time for you to spend with your family. And I will talk to you next week. Bye.'

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If you are ready to get promoted into leadership and get the salary you deserve, I invite you to book a sales call with me. This is a one hour call where I will assess your career, your obstacles, your goals. I will tell you exactly the way that I can help you. And we can talk about whether the confident Latina leader program is the best fit for you. The link to book your sales call is in the show notes. Talk to you soon. Ciao.