Spoke in Class Today
Travel this journey with me as we fly through space on this magnificent rock. There is going to be laughter, silliness, tears, and rants. I plan to get some interviews done as well. I am interested in learning about all sorts of different things and sharing my experience. There will be music to listen to as well. As an avid listener and lover of all genres of music, I want to share my love for the musical arts and comedy. So join along and lend me your ear, as I walk through this next journey.
Spoke in Class Today
Episode - 20: Seeking Connection in a Chaotic World
Imagine confronting the unsettling realization of feeling adrift in the middle of life's chaos. That's exactly where I find myself, wrestling with the emotional storm of a midlife crisis. Through raw personal stories and a deep dive into my own psyche, I explore the haunting void of motivation and the comforting refuge I find in music. Frustration brews as I yearn for someone who truly gets my quirks and complexities, but amidst the turmoil, a glimmer of hope persists—a chance for genuine connection and understanding. Join me on this candid journey as I confront the bewildering challenges of human emotions and self-reflection, all while clinging to that elusive hope for clarity and companionship.
Now, let's take a leap back tens of thousands of years to ponder the enigmatic existence of the Neanderthals and their mysterious fate—a tale of early human interactions shrouded in fear and misunderstanding. Was it the dawn of language or survival instincts that dictated their end? These historical reflections mirror my quest for growth and change, revealing the oddities and marvels of both ancient and personal histories. This exploration brings to light a resilient thread weaving through time, inspiring self-improvement and a deeper comprehension of our shared existence. Through these narratives, I invite you to consider not only the past but the stories we carry within us, all while embracing life's peculiar journey.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Fuck it, we just gotta get into it today. God damn it. I'm so. I don't know. I gotta turn this down. Ugh, ugh. Little Wonderwall Gonna be the one that saves me. Gonna be the one that saves me. I can't find the volume, oh shit. Oh, what's going on? I don't know. I fucking hate life right now. I don't get it. What the fuck? I can't find this fucking volume. Sorry, guys, it's Friday and there we go. That's a little better. That's a little better.
Speaker 1:I don't want to get in too much trouble, not that I'm fucking doing much with this shit. Ah fuck, I'm just a girl Sometimes. I wish I was. You get by with so much more. I'm not trying to be sexist, but you guys get away with a lot more. You get. There's so much.
Speaker 1:I understand that there's a lot of bad things that happen to women and whatever else, but I don't know, maybe that's just my blind world I live in From what I see, from what I see, I'm spiteful today. I don't know why. I'm just struggling. I don't want to sound like a downer. I'm not I. I'm not I. I'm just lost. That's it. I am fucking lost and I have no direction. I have no whatever.
Speaker 1:Many will say, oh, you need drugs, you need to do that. Well, I've been on that fucking path and I don't enjoy it. It doesn't. I feel horrible. My biggest struggle has been staying in touch with people. I don't understand that, and I've been trying to get my head out of my head. No, I'm not fucking myself, I'm just trying to get my mind out of my head. No, I'm not fucking myself, I'm just trying to get my mind out of myself in a way to where I stop lingering in that bullshit of space and I Fuck it's hard, it's hard, it's tough. A lot of people go through it, but nobody really fucking talks about it. I guess Some way they do. I don't know.
Speaker 1:This is my way of fucking therapy, because I can't fucking afford therapy. I don't have the desire to go listen to somebody talk and spin me in different directions that I just don't want to go down. So here I am putting all my bullshit out there, because who fucking cares? Right, what's going to happen to it? Oh, somebody's going to make fun of me. Oh boy, please Say something that I don't fucking say to myself every goddamn day. Please Bring it. I want to hear it. Oh, I'm so tired. I'm so tired of it, but I'm too lazy and I don't have any motivation to end it all.
Speaker 1:If there was a way just to make it simpler, maybe I might dabble. I don't know, I don't know. I have fun with life in a way, in a sense, but I just have been in this fucking rut lately. Not that anybody wants to fucking hear my drama, bullshit, whatever, but I just I don't know. I don't know what it is that I'm searching for. I don't know what it is that I need. I have no idea. Maybe you know no scrubs, listen to TLC. I mean, come on, I don't know. Wow, man, it's almost fucking Christmas. It's almost the end of the year 2025 coming up. Fantastic, I'll be 50 next year. Fun, looking forward to it.
Speaker 1:I don't really honestly, I don't really care, because I still feel like a stupid teenage idiot, not having any clue about anything other than I just have had some wild life experiences of mostly self-bullshit that I did to myself, mostly self-bullshit that I did to myself, self-inflicting pain, that's. You know, that's my drug of choice. I guess Self-inflicting pain, that's the one thing that really, I just kind of dive into. If I was good at anything, that would be it. I mean, I definitely win at that. I mean, definitely win. It's uh, I don't know.
Speaker 1:So life is just so odd trying to figure out who the fuck you are. At 49 I am. I. Am I going through a midlife crisis? I just think I'm just going through a life crisis. I've been going through a life crisis for fucking 49 years, or for at least the last 18 or 30 years that I've been conscious, in a sense, of realizing that I'm more than just a robot at school or whatever.
Speaker 1:That was dumb, I don't know what the fuck I. My brain went somewhere else. Excuse me, I don't fucking know. I'm just tired of it all. I don't have any answers. I don't have any thoughts. Tired of it all. I don't have any answers. I don't have any thoughts. I'm kind of just at the end of my wits of things. I'm not looking for fucking anybody to come save me. I'll be okay. I've had this fucking thought and mindset for many, many years. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think I just need somebody. I need somebody in my life that understands my weirdness of everything and can just dive in and be okay with it and know that I'm not making, not being mean I'm just stating stupidity, facts of life. I'm honest in a sense, although I'm a liar, I don't know. I'm straightened to the point, I don't bullshit around. It's like, just give me the facts and I'll give those facts right back to you and I just I haven't been able to find that person, but I haven't really been looking because I've been so up, just pissed off at you know who I have been as a person and I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1:I'm trying, I'm trying, but it's so hard when you are just broke and a failure at almost everything. I feel like it. I know I've been successful at almost everything. I feel like it. I know I've been successful at some things and right now I can't see it. And I've seen it, I've realized it, I understand it. I'm fucking standing in it right now. Which I'm Whatever. Enough of my dirty laundry. I just want a break, just some break of success. I mean, I've been successful in the past. I let things get in the way. I let the wrong person, the wrong people, be a part of my life. I guess Past mistakes make for nasty takes of life. I guess I don't know. I was trying to figure out a whimsical thing to say Some way to tie it together. I fucking know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to understand people and women. That's my biggest fucking flaw. I think I'd go for the wrong ones, but I don't know who the right one is, because I haven't found her. For the wrong ones, but I don't know who the right one is because I haven't found her. I've had a few that I thought were going to be you know a fit for my life, but and uh, I don't know. I guess I just haven't understood how to relate myself as much to get them to understand who I am.
Speaker 1:And I'm a simple I like. I have particular likes and styles or looks, shapes and sizes, colors, sounds, whatever Just everybody has. You know they like that thing. You go to the store. You pick out that shirt that you really really like, or that blouse if you're a lady or a dude, if you're into that stuff. But you pick out that stuff because you like how it looks. So it's kind of how I've been with women and sometimes the personality ruins the whole aspect of it all. I'm not saying I'm the best looking dude, I'm not, far from it. I'm lazy, I'm, on paper, a piece of shit, and I know I've said it before and I'm just going to say it again because it's my fucking thing. This is me. I'm just tired of it. Oh, friday, I'm just tired of it.
Speaker 1:Friday. Friday the 13th, is it fucking? Oh, no wonder, holy shit, it's Friday the 13th, god damn it. I just fucking realized that. No wonder it's so weird. Here he comes, man oh man. I tell you so well, I don't know Enough of my bullshit rambling. I guess I don't want to ruin anybody's Christmas At last. Yeah, you want a house guest that'll just bring chaos. Invite me over, I'll eat your food and open your presents. No, whatever, I don't know, I know I keep, I don't know. I'll figure this fucking shit out, life Eventually Before I die. I hope it happens soon, please. When's it gonna happen? When's it gonna happen? The asteroids? I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think if we're going to be in a time which is kind of I just have a weird feeling about life in a way right now off the rails, because I've been in this weird headspace for all my life, but I just think that we, if there's gonna be an Armageddon or an ending I wanna know what it is. I look forward to it in a way, if that makes any sense. If it's going to be asteroids, I want to see it. Droids, I want to see it. I want to have front row on the fucking mountainside looking over and just watching the fucking explosions Just come in, boom. Just watch the earth just get rocked. If it's going to happen, let it Take us all out in one big phenomenal show. But will it be millions of years, trillions, however many, whatever Is that? It's weird, thinking about that, the demise of what could happen to mankind and what has happened before. I was watching. I'm dragging out Whatever Fuck it, it's my show, I'm gonna stay on because I'm in a weird head out. Whatever Fuck it, it's my show, I'm gonna stay on because I'm in a weird.
Speaker 1:I was watching a thing on Netflix, neanderthals, and you know I mean fuck they. They don't know what happened to them, how they died off. I think us as humans, as humanoids, we fucking killed them, possibly because we're fucking sandwiches, you think about it? Fucking Vikings came through Like what the fuck are these goddamn things? We're gonna kill them all and then buried them. But no, excuse me, no, it's just interesting to think of how close that was to us and was there. I guess there was an interaction. I mean, they say, but what proof do they have? I mean, because some of those bodies were they discovered. They had, I guess, core samples or whatever it was that dated it back to 70-something thousand years ago, which is wild to think about, like what the fuck was life like back then? What was going on? What was Sally talking about on Facebook? I mean, how did they? I mean, it's just, was there language? When did language start? What's the history? I don't know the history of that, but Thoughts, the wonders, the weirdness of the world.
Speaker 1:Alright, it's Friday the 13th, have fun with it. I know no one's listening, but fuck it. Someday maybe somebody will pick this up and be like, hey, this guy's an idiot, but he's stupid. I'm trying to get out. I'm trying to get out of this fucking thing that I'm in thing, that I'm in, and I think I'm at the rock, the bottom of it. But am I going to be able to do it? That's the problem. I think so. One way or the other, I'll figure it out. All right, you guys take care.