This is Dumb

Birthday scrap | This is Dumb Ep 26

• BurkeyBurke • Episode 26

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Speaker 1:

Hey, what's going on, guys? It's your boy, berky Berk, and I'm back. It's Monday morning. Motherfuckers. Where's your mom at nigga? What the fuck is up, guys? I don't got nothing to talk about. So here I am. Your boy ain't got shit going on this week. Got open mics. Yeah, nothing on the books.

Speaker 1:

I I really want to get back to writing. I'm trying to get back to that. I need to start incorporating more writing. Recently I've kind of been more shifted towards like, stage presence and uh, yeah, I gotta got to start marrying the two. That's so funny.

Speaker 1:

I'm charging my Tesla right now and a bunch of crackheads just walked by. You know what that felt like. I could tell by their tone they didn't own Teslas. They were speaking too loud in public. Their tone, they didn't own teslas. You know they're speaking too loud in public.

Speaker 1:

I felt like a safari truck and a pack of lionesses just a while, like walking by the truck. You feel me. That's what it just felt like. Oh shit, nigga, quiet down, quiet down, miss johnson. Miss johnson For real man. You see those videos where, like the, the fucking safari guide is like Everybody shut up, it's game time, they're right here. That's what it felt like.

Speaker 1:

Anyways, yeah, I was Celebrating my girl's birthday over the weekend. That was fun, that was dope. You know how I like to do for people's B days I make sure Best believe. I make sure, best believe, I made sure I did my thing. You feel me Inside the bedroom and out. No, I'm joking, I'm going to edit that out.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so it was a good week, man, I've actually been drinking a lot lately. Man, last couple weeks, slash month or so, your boy's drinking is out of control again. And when I say out of control, that just means like three or four drinks a night. But that's out of control. It's like there's no reason to get buzzed every night. It's not, it's not necessary, man, it's not. It's how you get fat face. It's a one-way ticket to fat faceville. It's not where you want to land. No, because once you're in fat faceville, you kind of are already on a downward slope just in the sad town. And once you're in sad town, you know suicide's around the corner. No, I'm joking.

Speaker 1:

You ever just realize how sad you are? That was like me getting older. I kind of realized, oh, I'm a sad nigga. Just think of the things I say and I'm like, oh, that's some sad shit. You just don't know it until you hear it out loud.

Speaker 1:

You know like I have friends over and people are just like yo man, when we're walking out, when everybody's leaving, they're like aren't you gonna turn off your tv, turn off your lights? And I'm like, no man, I kind of like to leave my lights and tv on so it kind of sounds and feels like someone's home. When I get there they're like what the fuck? Kind of sad shit is that? I was like, oh, I guess that is the saddest shit I've ever heard. I was trying to like you know what I mean? I'm just like, nah, nigga, that's just doesn't. Everybody want to come home to people. Is that just me? I leave the TV on so it like sounds like shit's going on. You feel me Like, oh man, somebody was just here.

Speaker 1:

I just missed them. My niggas were just here my brother, my girl, somebody, father, mom, desoto, tyson, those are my old dogs. I had to tell you guys those are my old dog names Because I'm black. You guys just might think, oh, he must have knew a nigga named DeSoto. Oh, my god, oh my shit, my chest hurts. Oh, y'all can't determine the differences between my niggas and my dogs um, yeah, yeah, I named my dog de soto, the first dog I ever owned. And I named my dog DeSoto, the first dog I ever owned. And I named my dog DeSoto. My brother named his dog Roscoe, and those were the Dobermans from fucking, this Disney movie that we loved as kids. So, yeah, but yeah, man, I don't know how the fuck I even got down this topic Y'all. But uh, it's 8am, april 22nd, boy's about to start work at 845. Oh yeah, last Last week I went to a roast. Oh yeah, let's recap last week. So last week I had a roast battle that I just went to watch, which was super fun. Going to like watch a roast battle or like a comedy show that you're not on as a comedian, it's one of the best things ever. You don't have to pay to get in, you just get to fucking. It's like a staff party. You feel me, every motherfucking month, get a staff party. You feel me, every motherfucking month, get a staff party. So that's pretty dope. So that was really fun. Thursday and wednesday I had my first set ever at the mint. I forgot, yeah, um, obviously it wasn't that memorable, I don't even remember it. Yeah, your boy, I didn't do. Uh, as well I wanted, but I didn't do bad. So that felt good Like I held the room. You know what I mean. I got consistent, maybe small laughs, but consistently small laughs the entire time. Couple maybe one or two pops in the joke, but I wasn't getting the pops where I usually get them, so I got to kind of work on that. Yeah, it was a good experience, first time on the Mint on a Wednesday. That was fun, yeah, and that was last week's shows, guys. And now that we're fucking all caught up, y'all know what motherfucking time it is, man. Y'all know what motherfucking time it is. It's my motherfucking favorite time. It's time for story time with Berky Berk. All right, all right, guys. So this week's story takes place in Queen Creek, arizona, on my 16th birthday, all right. So it's my birthday April, 12th April of 07. 12th april of 07, everybody's over and, uh, one of my boys, nico, at the time had a problem at school. So the thing's complicated. So I don't know this from my end of the story is nico's talking to this chick and this chick's ex has a problem with nico. Right, it's high school drama, right? Whatever? The guy's like a year younger than us, uh, but bigger. So nico was like my shout out my nigga nico. He was a lover, not a fighter, you feel me? You know, I mean the nigga got bitches, he didn't fight a lot. So he's talking to this chick and her ex is like kind of like mad at nico. She's talking to n, so he's trying to fight Nico. Nico kind of is avoiding him, like you know, blah, blah, blah. Time goes by and it's my birthday and everybody's at my birthday and we have a friend named Frank. Frank was like kind of like the bully, not the bully but like the biggest guy in the group and sometimes he'd bully people. You feel me? Frank was fucking straight out of san diego, mexican. Nigga didn't play no games so he was like always like loved fighting or instigating fights. So he knew, because he was homies with uh, the ex, uh, the nigga was named richie, right, frank actually knows the dude, right? So frank frank comes up to the birthday and hollers at Nico like Yo man, richie's trying to fight you. Uh, he's down the block. I could just have y'all meet up. You know, I could be like the ref and I'm like Nico, don't do it, dog, don't do it. It's my birthday player, you don't need to fight a nigga on my birthday. Like yo, just chill, we're all like hanging out. It's my birthday, dog, just fucking eat some cake. My nigga Smoke a blunt. You don't need to go fight a nigga who wants to fight. You go fight him another day. We're chilling. And nico's like nah, man, this nigga's trying to come at me. Nah, man, I've been. I told him that. You know, nico was like man, I keep telling this guy that like there's no issue, and this guy still wants to fight me, I have to go fight him. And this nigga, frank, the instigating ass, frank, was like all right, nigga, just meet us, uh, behind my house in the desert, just meet us behind our house in the little desert right there. So my whole birthday party now is like all right, nico's going to go fight and Frank's the Frank's the biggest, toughest guy there, right. And Frank is homies, with both of the homies fighting. So he's like nobody jump in. I'm going to hit him up, tell him to come meet y'all and they're going to scrap it out. This is all my beating, right. So we roll down like 10 deep. Richie pulls up with like two of his friends and it's like damn, they square up and Richie's a year younger than Nico and a lot bigger, right, and they start scrapping and Nico is like a this nigga was quick, he was like a basketball nigga, right. So Nico's actually keeping up with Richie with the hands, with straight volume. They're throwing hands, it looks like roadrunner feet, you feel me. And Nico's actually keeping up with him for the first half. But as they keep fighting, you know what I mean niggas don't know how to fight. There's no head movement, there's none of that. As the fight's going, fucking Richie starts cracking him with fucking heavy, like you could just see Nico get hit and his fucking whole body fly back Like a cartoon. This nigga's head flew back and, like you know, he would like take three steps backwards and take three steps forward Like argh, argh. He'd start throwing hands and eventually it was just like Nico's getting beat up, nico's taking punches and we break, break it up, or Frank breaks it up. It's over. You know what I mean. Richie kinda won and Nico walks up to us fucking fist balled, just fucking, just like just breathing, and he's like he walks right up his face all fucked up, mangled. He's like it's my all fucked up, mangled. He's like Burke, is my face fucked up. You gotta remember Nico's a pretty boy, you feel me. He gets bitches. It's the first thing he walks up. His face is mangled. Is my face fucked up? Face is mangled. Is your right face fucked up? Me and Carl and the rest of them were like yeah, dog, your face is fucked up. Man, nico just turns around with his fist clenched and just starts walking back to Richie like I'm gonna fuck him up, and we're like no, nigga, don't, don't go. Nico, come back. No, I'm joking. No, but we're like don't do it, dog, don't do it. And yeah, we fucking wrangled him back and we came back to my mom's house. My mom's like what the fuck happened to Nico? Don't worry about that. Mom mom, pass me some cold peas or whatever. You got in the freezer, put some vegetables on my nigga face. And I actually had a video of that, because the cell phones with the videos just came out. You couldn't take selfies. They didn't have selfies, but they had the camera on the back and I had a grainy video of that and I was such an asshole. I showed people the rest of high school that fight on my birthday. Shout out Nico for being a fucking real one, got his ass whooped, ended up being the homie Richie. You know what I mean. So one of my good friends is part of his family, you know. So it's like shout out richie, shout out nico. It was just a fun high school fight that happened on my birthday. It's just a funny story and yeah, guys, and that's a motherfucking episode. Like I told you, open mics like usual. Y'all know where to find me. Give me a follow. Follow on Instagram at Slim Bita. I'm going to start pumping ads. I'm going to start fucking trying to get this thing moving on the socials. Get my numbers up. And, yeah, appreciate the love, appreciate the downloads You're listening to. This Is Dumb. It's Berkey Burke. I love y'all. Peace up A town down.