This is Dumb
Day in the life of Burkey Burke, a delivery driver by day and a comedian by night. Discussing the highs and lows of life and just how fun & dumb it all is.
This is Dumb
Birthday scrap | This is Dumb Ep 26
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Rambling Monologue on Daily Life
Speaker 1Hey , what's going on , guys ? It's your boy , berky Berk , and I'm back . It's Monday morning . Motherfuckers . Where's your mom at nigga ? What the fuck is up , guys ? I don't got nothing to talk about . So here I am . Your boy ain't got shit going on this week . Got open mics . Yeah , nothing on the books .
Speaker 1I I really want to get back to writing . I'm trying to get back to that . I need to start incorporating more writing . Recently I've kind of been more shifted towards like , stage presence and uh , yeah , I gotta got to start marrying the two . That's so funny .
Speaker 1I'm charging my Tesla right now and a bunch of crackheads just walked by . You know what that felt like . I could tell by their tone they didn't own Teslas . They were speaking too loud in public . Their tone , they didn't own teslas . You know they're speaking too loud in public .
Speaker 1I felt like a safari truck and a pack of lionesses just a while , like walking by the truck . You feel me . That's what it just felt like . Oh shit , nigga , quiet down , quiet down , miss johnson . Miss johnson For real man . You see those videos where , like the , the fucking safari guide is like Everybody shut up , it's game time , they're right here . That's what it felt like .
Speaker 1Anyways , yeah , I was Celebrating my girl's birthday over the weekend . That was fun , that was dope . You know how I like to do for people's B days I make sure Best believe . I make sure , best believe , I made sure I did my thing . You feel me Inside the bedroom and out . No , I'm joking , I'm going to edit that out .
Speaker 1Yeah , so it was a good week , man , I've actually been drinking a lot lately . Man , last couple weeks , slash month or so , your boy's drinking is out of control again . And when I say out of control , that just means like three or four drinks a night . But that's out of control . It's like there's no reason to get buzzed every night . It's not , it's not necessary , man , it's not . It's how you get fat face . It's a one-way ticket to fat faceville . It's not where you want to land . No , because once you're in fat faceville , you kind of are already on a downward slope just in the sad town . And once you're in sad town , you know suicide's around the corner . No , I'm joking .
Speaker 1You ever just realize how sad you are ? That was like me getting older . I kind of realized , oh , I'm a sad nigga . Just think of the things I say and I'm like , oh , that's some sad shit . You just don't know it until you hear it out loud .
Speaker 1You know like I have friends over and people are just like yo man , when we're walking out , when everybody's leaving , they're like aren't you gonna turn off your tv , turn off your lights ? And I'm like , no man , I kind of like to leave my lights and tv on so it kind of sounds and feels like someone's home . When I get there they're like what the fuck ? Kind of sad shit is that ? I was like , oh , I guess that is the saddest shit I've ever heard . I was trying to like you know what I mean ? I'm just like , nah , nigga , that's just doesn't . Everybody want to come home to people . Is that just me ? I leave the TV on so it like sounds like shit's going on . You feel me Like , oh man , somebody was just here
Reminiscing About Old Dog Names
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1I just missed them . My niggas were just here my brother , my girl , somebody , father , mom , desoto , tyson , those are my old dogs . I had to tell you guys those are my old dog names Because I'm black . You guys just might think , oh , he must have knew a nigga named DeSoto . Oh , my god , oh my shit , my chest hurts . Oh , y'all can't determine the differences between my niggas and my dogs um , yeah , yeah , I named my dog de soto , the first dog I ever owned . And I named my dog DeSoto , the first dog I ever owned . And I named my dog DeSoto . My brother named his dog Roscoe , and those were the Dobermans from fucking , this Disney movie that we loved as kids . So , yeah , but yeah , man , I don't know how the fuck I even got down this topic Y'all . But uh , it's 8am , april 22nd , boy's about to start work at 845 . Oh yeah , last Last week I went to a roast . Oh yeah , let's recap last week . So last week I had a roast battle that I just went to watch , which was super fun . Going to like watch a roast battle or like a comedy show that you're not on as a comedian , it's one of the best things ever . You don't have to pay to get in , you just get to fucking . It's like a staff party . You feel me , every motherfucking month , get a staff party . You feel me , every motherfucking month , get a staff party . So that's pretty dope . So that was really fun . Thursday and wednesday I had my first set ever at the mint . I forgot , yeah , um , obviously it wasn't that memorable , I don't even remember it . Yeah , your boy , I didn't do . Uh , as well I wanted , but I didn't do bad . So that felt good Like I held the room . You know what I mean . I got consistent , maybe small laughs , but consistently small laughs the entire time . Couple maybe one or two pops in the joke , but I wasn't getting the pops where I usually get them , so I got to kind of work on that . Yeah , it was a good experience , first time on the Mint on a Wednesday . That was fun , yeah , and that was last week's shows , guys . And now that we're fucking all caught up , y'all know what motherfucking time it is , man . Y'all know what motherfucking time it is . It's my motherfucking favorite time . It's time for story time with Berky Berk . All right , all right , guys . So this week's story takes place in Queen Creek , arizona , on my 16th birthday , all right . So it's my birthday April , 12th April of 07 . 12th april of 07 , everybody's over and , uh , one of my boys , nico , at the time had a problem at school . So the thing's complicated . So I don't know this from my end of the story is nico's talking to this chick and this chick's ex has a problem with nico . Right , it's high school drama , right ? Whatever ? The guy's like a year younger than us , uh , but bigger . So nico was like my shout out my nigga nico . He was a lover , not a fighter , you feel me ? You know , I mean the nigga got bitches , he didn't fight a lot . So he's talking to this chick and her ex is like kind of like mad at nico . She's talking to n , so he's trying to fight Nico . Nico kind of is avoiding him , like you know , blah , blah , blah . Time goes by and it's my birthday and everybody's at my birthday and we have a friend named Frank . Frank was like kind of like the bully , not the bully but like the biggest guy in the group and sometimes he'd bully people . You feel me ? Frank was fucking straight out of san diego , mexican . Nigga didn't play no games so he was like always like loved fighting or instigating fights . So he knew , because he was homies with uh , the ex , uh , the nigga was named richie , right , frank actually knows the dude , right ? So frank frank comes up to the birthday and hollers at Nico like Yo man , richie's trying to fight you . Uh , he's down the block . I could just have y'all meet up . You know , I could be like the ref and I'm like Nico , don't do it , dog , don't do it . It's my birthday player , you don't need to fight a nigga on my birthday . Like yo , just chill , we're all like hanging out . It's my birthday , dog , just fucking eat some cake . My nigga Smoke a blunt . You don't need to go fight a nigga who wants to fight . You go fight him another day . We're chilling . And nico's like nah , man , this nigga's trying to come at me . Nah , man , I've been . I told him that . You know , nico was like man , I keep telling this guy that like there's no issue , and this guy still wants to fight me , I have to go fight him . And this nigga , frank , the instigating ass , frank , was like all right , nigga , just meet us , uh , behind my house in the desert , just meet us behind our house in the little desert right there . So my whole birthday party now is like all right , nico's going to go fight and Frank's the Frank's the biggest , toughest guy there , right . And Frank is homies , with both of the homies fighting . So he's like nobody jump in . I'm going to hit him up , tell him to come meet y'all and they're going to scrap it out . This is all my beating , right . So we roll down like 10 deep . Richie pulls up with like two of his friends and it's like damn , they square up and Richie's a year younger than Nico and a lot bigger , right , and they start scrapping and Nico is like a this nigga was quick , he was like a basketball nigga , right . So Nico's actually keeping up with Richie with the hands , with straight volume . They're throwing hands , it looks like roadrunner feet , you feel me . And Nico's actually keeping up with him for the first half . But as they keep fighting , you know what I mean niggas don't know how to fight . There's no head movement , there's none of that . As the fight's going , fucking Richie starts cracking him with fucking heavy , like you could just see Nico get hit and his fucking whole body fly back Like a cartoon . This nigga's head flew back and , like you know , he would like take three steps backwards and take three steps forward Like argh , argh . He'd start throwing hands and eventually it was just like Nico's getting beat up , nico's taking punches and we break , break it up , or Frank breaks it up . It's over . You know what I mean . Richie kinda won and Nico walks up to us fucking fist balled , just fucking , just like just breathing , and he's like he walks right up his face all fucked up , mangled . He's like it's my all fucked up , mangled . He's like Burke , is my face fucked up . You gotta remember Nico's a pretty boy , you feel me . He gets bitches . It's the first thing he walks up . His face is mangled . Is my face fucked up ? Face is mangled . Is your right face fucked up ? Me and Carl and the rest of them were like yeah , dog , your face is fucked up . Man , nico just turns around with his fist clenched and just starts walking back to Richie like I'm gonna fuck him up , and we're like no , nigga , don't , don't go . Nico , come back . No , I'm joking . No , but we're like don't do it , dog , don't do it . And yeah , we fucking wrangled him back and we came back to my mom's house . My mom's like what the fuck happened to Nico ? Don't worry about that . Mom mom , pass me some cold peas or whatever . You got in the freezer , put some vegetables on my nigga face . And I actually had a video of that , because the cell phones with the videos just came out . You couldn't take selfies . They didn't have selfies , but they had the camera on the back and I had a grainy video of that and I was such an asshole . I showed people the rest of high school that fight on my birthday . Shout out Nico for being a fucking real one , got his ass whooped , ended up being the homie Richie . You know what I mean . So one of my good friends is part of his family , you know . So it's like shout out richie , shout out nico . It was just a fun high school fight that happened on my birthday . It's just a funny story and yeah , guys , and that's a motherfucking episode . Like I told you , open mics like usual . Y'all know where to find me . Give me a follow . Follow on Instagram at Slim Bita . I'm going to start pumping ads . I'm going to start fucking trying to get this thing moving on the socials . Get my numbers up . And , yeah , appreciate the love , appreciate the downloads You're listening to . This Is Dumb . It's Berkey Burke . I love y'all . Peace up A town down .