Spicy Spectrum Live: Why Do People Look Outside a Happy Relationship?

On this episode of Spicy Spectrum Live, I open the conversation to viewers and asks why people sometimes seek attention, intimacy, fantasy, or other experiences outside an otherwise happy relationship.

The conversation explores social media and temptation, sexual compatibility, hidden desires, variety, monogamy, open relationships, honesty, and the difference between wanting another partner and wanting an experience your current relationship may not provide.

One caller argues that social media has dramatically increased our access to temptation and made private desires easier to explore. Another questions whether happiness itself is enough to sustain a relationship, suggesting that commitment has to survive the different seasons relationships inevitably experience.

I also ask a bigger question: Does technology create these desires, or does it simply reveal what people already wanted?

This conversation isn't about reducing cheating to good versus bad. It's about asking why it happens, what people may be afraid to admit about themselves, and whether greater honesty about desire and compatibility could change the way we approach relationships.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 1:17

Hey, welcome to another episode of Spicy Spectrum Live. It's your dream girl Peppercat and we're back with another live. I hope you have a I hope that you had a wonderful weekend. I do have my glasses on today. Um yeah, I wear glasses. Or if you're not on camera and you're listening, Pepper wears glasses. So yeah, welcome to another episode. We are continuing our series this month. And if you weren't here last week, last week we talked about cheating, and I know that's a sensitive topic, but I still want to dive deeper into this topic. So this week we're going to be diving into a controversial topic, and it relates to why do people look for things outside their relationship even when they're happy? I was inspired by this question because in my line of work I speak to a lot of men, thousands of men, and a lot of them are married. Well, I'm not speaking for all of them when I say this, but they express that they still love their wives and they still enjoy their relationships and they want to be married, but they have this other side of them that takes place in the fantasy world. And so I'm curious to know before I dive in this this upcoming Wednesday on this topic and on Tuesday on Substack, I'm interested to know your perspective as to your thoughts on why do you think this happens? Why may someone step out of their relationship, even though they may be happy, they may be content, but then they also have other thoughts that may come about that will cause them to step out. And so that's today's topic. And um, just to give you a background, if you're new, I work in the adult industry. I've been um again, I speak to thousands of men, and the majority of I'm only going to speak for me, and I'm sure other people I've heard as well in my industry. Most of our clients are married men, right? So that's why this topic came about, and I was interested in tackling this topic on my live today, because it is interesting that someone who may be married, happily married, may step out to go into a fantasy world, but not just the fantasy world, anything that would be considered cheating, stepping out with a co-worker or um with a friend or whatever the case may be. So, um, how this works is that if you'd like to come up, please feel free to come up. I do one by one, I don't do panels. So if you're interested in interacting with um the question, feel free to let me know in the chat and I'll just bring you up and you can request to come up. I'll give you a couple of minutes to answer and then I'll bring up the next person. So, yeah, that's pretty much it. Thank you all for joining. I see a couple of people coming in. I see Tay, Baba, Girl Bye. Welcome back. Welcome back to Spicy Spectrum Live. It's nice to see you again. Um, share your voice and whispers. But yeah, so I'll do one by one. And both men and women are welcome. Um, I know typically for the majority, like I get mostly men. I do get a couple of women who come up here, so I just like to re reiterate it so you know. So that's today's topic. This month we are focusing on cheating, and yeah, I'll be expanding on all of my platforms this upcoming week. This is just like a kickstart to this week, and I'm curious to know your thoughts. And if you don't want to come up on stage or you can't do it right now, you can also write in the chat, and I'll do my best to catch the chat and read it out loud and then respond that way. Because I know some people are a little shy. So if you're a little shy or you don't want to chat, you can also do that as well. So thank you. Welcome to Spicy Spectrum Live on Peppercat. Make sure to follow me if you're new, and for those who have returned, welcome back. So um, yeah, so who would like to come up first? Who's interested? If you do request, just write it in the chat because sometimes I don't get the notification and then I I won't know. So yeah, or you can just write it in the chat. So, welcome. Tonight's question is why do people look for things outside their relationship even when they're happy? This can go for dating, it can go for marriages, it can go for any sort of relationship where someone is committed to the other, but for some reason they may step out or they may um, you know, seek elsewhere for some sort of intimacy, but still want to connect with their partner at home or who they say that they're partner with. Thank you for the love. I appreciate it. Please hit the love button. Make sure you're following me. And yeah, that's today's topic. Um, also, this is my first live with my glasses. So I normally wear glasses and I'm going to yeah. I mean, I can't really see the screen sometimes, so I have to wear it. But um, yeah, welcome to Spicy Spectrum Live. We are here every Monday at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, and we're only here for an hour. So if you have a question or you like to come up or want to participate, don't uh don't hold back because we're we're only here for one hour only. So yeah, welcome, welcome. Oh, look at my tail line. Is my chair well? I feel like it's like making a squeaky sense. Thank you for the love. Oh, 251. Thank you, thank you for the love. Welcome, welcome. Who would like to come up? Tonight's question is right here. And it's just one-on-one. So you can also send questions in the back channel too. I can read it in my DMs, you can write it in the chat, or you can come up um on you can request the sorry. Sorry. I'm just going to my inbox here. So yeah. Oh, thank you for those who just followed. I appreciate it's supposed to pop up here. I don't know why it's not popping up in the the top corner. But um, thank you, Derek, for following. Yeah, yeah, thank you. I'll keep my notifications on since TikTok doesn't want to the settings doesn't work. But who had to come up? Does anyone like you can write it in the chat too? Why do you think someone would step out of a happy relationship but also want to say and they love their partner? I'm interested. Last week it was a little controversial with that cheating subject, and this is, I guess some would say a part two to dive deeper. Because the reason why I want to cover cheating is because I feel like sometimes, you know, with when it comes to cheating, it's just very surface level discussions, and I feel like we should dive deeper into that conversation. I don't, I think so. That's why this is part two of last week's conversation regarding cheating. Um, because I don't want to just like keep it here. I want to really dive deep into this because I do feel like there are a lot of layers, and also I just like to say that just because I'm talking about cheating um doesn't mean I condone it. Um, it's just a conversation that I think is important, especially with my line of work where a lot of my clients are married men. And so I do think that's interesting too. That thank you, um, I am Deb for following. For following. Okay, it is work. But um, yeah, thank you for the love. Ooh, we're at 800. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the love. Thank you for following. Who bites a Kamara? Don't be shy. I don't fight. No one. Will this be a solo show? Let me think. Um yeah. You know, I people do think, you know, because like I said, most of my clients are married men, um may I think this is my these are my thoughts as to why I believe um the majority of pe men who come into fantasy spaces are happily, some of them are halfway married men, is because um from what I've seen is that a lot of um what I've noticed in terms of the pattern is that a lot of my clients who do step out of their marriage or um relationship with girlfriends or whatever the case may be is because um, and I'm just talking about the ones who claim that they're married. I'm not talking about the ones who are not like getting sex, they're like who are into who are not intimate um with their partner or not happy. I'm talking about the ones who are happy, and that um I had one of them explain that anonymously, he did share it on my podcast, but I will repeat it here is that a lot of times um some people may just like variety when it comes to sexual compatibility in terms of like what they like in the bedroom. Um that's what he said, like they like different flavors, is what he said. Like, oh, like today I want to do this, and tomorrow I may want to try this. Um, another reason why I think this is, and I've said this multiple times, is because of the Madonna Horror Complex. Um, that, and I've even had my some of my married clients tell me, like, hey, like I don't see my wife in that way. So I want to do, you know, this fantasy with you. I love her, I just don't see her in that way. Um, so I I've I've literally heard that out of them, you know, out of a lot of my clients' um mouths, like I heard it from the horse's mouth. Um I have sorry, one enemies I say that right. Um said because people don't know what they want. People don't know what they want. Okay, I see someone, does somebody request if you did you if you've requested, can you just say hey, I request it because sometimes um like that popped up and I was I was reading a question. Who who just requested? Oh man. Did I miss someone? Wait, come back. Okay, you did. Let me see how I let me see. Oh, okay, okay. Okay. I'll bring you over here. Just a second. Um, and if you can turn off your camera if you have it on. I meant to say that before, but I forgot.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Can you hear me?

SPEAKER_03 13:13

Yes.

unknown 13:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

I'm doing fine on yourself.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Um I just wanted to say, I think we have we have access to too much temptation as it relates to relationships and commitment, just because, you know, obviously we live in the the digital age, and there's pretty much an app for everything. And it makes you too accessible, um, from from my point of view, just because, you know, I like to look at it this way. Typically in everyday life, we only really interact with maybe about what maybe, you know, 20 to 30 people. And let's just say you start to post pictures of videos online, and a lot of people start to, you know, DM you based off of your looks and things of that nature, and you don't have a real sense of identity and reality versus you know social media not being rural in a sense, you kind of sort of become susceptible to people telling you like you're handsome and you know, a lot of sexual, you know, endos and so forth. And that can be very tempting and could allow you to steer away from you know whoever your partner may be, just because, you know, once you're familiar with someone, we all want something different. You know, a lot of us just have a way of suppressing it where others, you know, they act on it. But that's just my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, I do agree with the um fact that social media makes it easier for us to have, you know, access to people that we may not have access to, like in real life or um um more more people than the average person, you know. Um I've I'm I'm interested in something that you said at the end when you m mentioned that sometimes people suppress you know their thoughts and wants for other people. I wanted to know if you can expand on that uh in terms of people not going for what they want, um, but they think it, but they don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

I guess, you know, sexual kinks and or fetishes could be a great example, just because, you know, whatever your thing may be, you may not want to express that to your partner because you may know that they will probably turn it down, find it to be disgusting. You know, I would never do that and so forth. So, you know, if someone else is willing to kind of sort of give you that experience, um, you know, it's like it's like walking a thin line. Like, do I, you know, do I dip my foot in the water or do I not? And I think that's so uh a lot of times what happens, especially now since we're in the social media age, is just that, you know, um sex in a sense is no longer well, fetishes and sex is no longer like a hidden taboo thing, you know, it's it's very much in your face. You don't have to go far to find it and so forth. Unlike, you know, in the 90s and early 2000s, you know, people people had kinks and fetishes. It was more so one of those things that you more so learned about like privately in the bedroom. Now it's just like, you know, I like to suck toes, you know, or the ladies with you know, but the nicely done, you know, pedicures that I need a uh a a big toe in my mouth. That's that's just one of the examples.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, Kinks are more people are aware of it, and you know, you also see it in TV, you know, shows or if they reference it, music videos and you know, with BDSM. Um, so yeah. Yeah, it is do you so do you think that too maybe we're entering a time where more people like what are your thoughts in terms of people knowing more about the kink and fetish world or or just things that were seen as taboo? Do you think that helps relationships? Do you think that hurts it? What are your thoughts in terms of us being more exposed to it, especially partner people?

SPEAKER_00 18:22

I don't think that there is an uh issue with anybody having fet uh kinks and fetishes just because everybody has their own preferences and so forth. However, you know, I think the issue is the fact that if you know that, you know, you're in a relationship with someone and you have these sexual desires that you're looking to have fulfilled and they aren't willing to fulfill those, I feel like you should be adult enough to kind of sort of you know in things as opposed to like stepping out. That's just my opinion. Like, you know, if you if you know you like something, like if you're a dude and you know that you like men, well you should probably go get a man. You know, like there's no need to kind of sort of tie a woman into your world of deceit when you actually know you don't want to be with a woman. So if you, you know, if you like I said, if you have a foot fetish and your woman doesn't want to put her foot in your mouth, you probably should go get a woman that wants to do that for you frequently because it's always going to be a desire that you want to have fulfilled. And nobody wants to kind of sort of go through life being unfulfilled, even outside of you know, just sex and so forth. You know, a lot of things could be resolved if people would have conversations and kind of sort of get down to the the bare bone of things as it relates to, you know, um how they're feeling about just things in life in general.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Yeah, yeah. Um, there's a lot of people who aren't compatible to right, like with other people. I think people wear masks too, like they lie.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

Exactly. They don't want to be themselves.

SPEAKER_03 19:59

And um I work in the adult industry. I don't know if you um heard that in the beginning, but like I get a lot of um men who have masks and they have double lives. Okay. And so that's why I wanted to start this conversation on a broader sense, but you know, I see that you know, people not living and just being honest, you know, with their partners, being honest with themselves.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Um working in that industry, do you come across a lot of men that do have kink synthetics that they wouldn't, I guess, um express to their partner?

SPEAKER_03 20:36

Yeah, yeah. Um, most of my clients are husbands or partnered men, and they don't um they may not uh feel comfortable because like you said earlier, some of them may be attracted to the same sex, and so they're into something relating to that, or they may be from like a religious background or something like that, and they just don't want to understand to be honest. Yeah, but yeah, yeah, thank you um so much for coming on here. I appreciate it, and feel free to come back on. Um, I'm here every Monday, so thank you.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Thank you. Yeah, um, yeah, I do I see um one of the main problems, um, like the previous person said, that I agree with is that there are a lot of people who are not compatible, you know, they're not compatible with each other, and then it causes people to maybe step out or just not um be honest, you know, with themselves and with other people. And honestly, now this is my opinion that if you do want someone else, maybe reconsider how you see relationship dynamics, and maybe the one you're in now is not the one that fits what you actually want. And so I think if people just are just honest with themselves about what they actually want and not do what other people think that you should do and kind of just explore your own self and then invite other people who are like you as well and who consent to the lifestyle that you want. Um, but that's just my opinion. Um, but I'm curious to know anyone's other thoughts. I do want to read down through the comments. I know a couple of people said, I know Mar. Mar said, Well, my hubby has not looked outside yet, but never say never. And I think that's it. And then obviously the previous um comment because people don't know what they want. I actually think people, so in terms of that comment, I actually do think people do know what they want. They're just not honest with themselves and with other people. I think people, I think when people seek relationships outside, a part of them is that is is something that they crave, that they're especially if they're not um upfront about it and it's kind of like a a secret or something that they're doing behind closed doors. I think um that when they step out, that person represents someone that they really are attracted to too, but they're not honest with themselves. And I'm not saying that that takes away the attraction from their partner, but I think um a lot of times they're just not honest with what they actually want and what they actually like. So that's what I've observed too. So when I speak to men, the pattern that I see and that I hear is that I'll come across this guy and he'll have a wife, and whatever he's into, or whatever role playthrough or whatever we're talking about, um, it doesn't represent. Represent his wife, two totally different types of people, um, in terms of physical features, um, in terms of whatever the case may be. And so um, that's what I've observed, at least in my line of work. So I think that's a big part of it too. So I would love to see um anyone else's perspective or hear it too. If you want to type it, you can, or if you want to come on stage, you can. I do do one-on-one, so just turn off your camera, um, make sure there's no background noise, and I'll have you come up and then I'll bring on the next person. So just let me know in the chat and I'll bring you up. Um, yeah, so those are my um I thought I thought that was um a good point too. I I um appreciated those points that were brought up because I've spoken about that on my podcast as well about people not being compatible and just kind of just like going with the flow um and not really just being honest. So green plaid set variety is the spice of life, it is, it is the spice of life. And let me see if anyone else. Um, yeah. Unfortunately. No, it is, and you know, I don't think it's me personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with variety. Just be honest about it. Like, don't have someone, you know, who's your partner and they think that you're, for example, monogamous and you're not. Like, don't have somebody thinking, you know, this is one type of relationship dynamic, but deep down you know that that doesn't work for you, and maybe, you know, like find someone else where that works. And maybe, maybe you do want different flavors, but make sure that your partner wants is okay with you wanting different flavors too. That's what Pepper thinks, but um, Green Platt said, Yeah, that's not cool. Yeah, honesty is the best policy, yeah, yeah. And this is coming from someone who speaks to dishonest comments. I yeah, um, I'm just I'm just being honest. Um, I'm just being honest. So, who else would like to come up? And thank you so much for the love. Oh my god, this is 1.5k hearts. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Thank you for joining and clicking. Okay. Okay, I just wanted to make sure nobody was requesting to come and see. Um, but yeah, that's what that that's what Pepper sees, you know. I I think it's hard for people to be honest too, because it's tied to a lot of people's identity. So if you were to be honest, um the reality is it could jeopardize how other people see you, but what's what's what what is the price of not being honest with yourself and how how is that impacting your life and other people when you're not honest? Um, so those are my thoughts. Like I don't think it's anything wrong with having um different types of thoughts or what um dynamics, but so if you just got it here, the question is what do you look for? Why do people look for things outside their relationship even when they're happy? I was inspired by this question because in my industry, in terms of my clients, um, I do come across happy, happily married men who do seek outside spaces to fulfill their fantasies. And I've always been curious about it. And I typically use my experience in this industry as case studies because oftentimes I I hear conversations that not everyone gets um are privy to. And um, a lot of times I hear the inner thoughts um of particularly men. I do get some women, but specifically men, um, and common patterns that I hear in terms of what they don't always say out loud. And so I bring these conversations here to expand on conversations in terms of relationships and topics that are um maybe a little bit taboo. And um, I'm curious just to know outside of my industry as well, people's thoughts on dating. And so we do a topic once a week, and this is this week's topic. So um, and then I usually just take what I hear from here and we expand on it and on my podcast on Wednesdays, Spicy Spectrum. So um, this conversation is like the jump start into the deeper dive that we're that we're going to have on my audio podcasts. Um and yeah, so I'm curious to know your thoughts. If anyone would like to come up, feel free or not. You don't have to. We are here for um one hour, so we have about 30 minutes left. And I don't do panels just one-on-one. It's almost like a Colin show. I like those better because sometimes on those panels, people just murmur and they like talk over each other. And I I rather just I like hearing people's full thoughts and just die digesting what people are saying. So even if you disagree, do you agree? You don't have to agree with me. I don't mind. I love different perspectives and I love hearing what you have to say. So I hope my my chair isn't like the squeaky sound, isn't it? Isn't um hurt I hope you can't hear it on my butt. Welcome. I see other people coming in. Thank you for the laugh. Please make sure to show me some love for hitting the heart button. And thank you for joining me. But those are my thoughts. Those were my thoughts on that. Those are um, I know I spoke about, so just to recap, I talked about the Madonna Horror Complex identity, um being truthful in terms of honesty and why that happens. I'm curious to know what other reasons why someone may um seek out. I know um the common theme tonight that was mentioned earlier with the previous caller, and then also in the chat, was variety and how variety shows up more now, right? Because we're on social media, we're we're we're scrolling our phones, you know. We have access to different social media platforms, and that allows us to have access to more people than we normally wouldn't have if we were in the real world, unless you lived in New York City, you're like a uh a populated city with a lot of people, and even that is not nearly enough or compare it to social media. Social media, you can instantly chat with people, like the previous caller said, you know, you can you can um have conversations with people from all over the world, and so with that comes more access to other potential partners or other people who you may think is attractive, so that is something that's happening now. And what does that say about relationships in the future with us having access to so many um different types of technology? But what does that also reveal to? Does technology actually bring up something that we've been hiding? Because it it kind of makes me think too, like well, not everyone is hiding, right? Um, the way they use social media and chatting with other people, but it makes me think too, because I I hear a lot of people say social media brings more access to more people, but what if too that that says something about humans and who we are and what we're actually attracted to? What does that say? I think I think that technology brings out too some sort of truth of who we are as well. And what I mean is that, and I'm not against monogamous relationships, people in committed relationships. I think there are different types of relationships that people can have. But when it comes to monogamy, I think that there is some sort of uh there is some sort of from what I see, there is dishonesty. I think that are there are more people who are in those types of dynamics that it doesn't really work for them, but they're not honest about it. So what I'm saying is that I think social media also brings out maybe some sort of truth for some people. Maybe it brings out what they actually are looking for, but they've never said out loud. And yes, we do have more access to people, but we also have access to things that we may not um always say that we're attracted to. And so maybe social media is kind of like a reflection of who we are. So those are my thoughts. I've always said that too about, for example, um fantasy content and adult content, that um I've said this on my podcast, um, and I'll compare it to social media, in that people a lot of times when the argument comes up, especially when it comes to adult content, they usually blame that as the cause of how people act. But nobody ever talks about the fact that that content is a reflection of who someone actually is. And they found that because they saw themselves in that. And so I I'm not saying it's the same as social media, but I do think there is some similarities in terms of people utilizing social media in the way they in a way that they'd actually like to behave in the real world, but they may be masking it. That's what I'm saying. So I hope that makes sense, but that's just something that I've been thinking about too, in terms of us blaming or not blaming, but kind of just seeing uh the influence of technology and content, but also maybe it shows a deeper side of ourselves that we are not honest about. So that's my rant for that. Um, we are who likes to come up and expand on the topic tonight's question why do people look for things outside um their relationship even when they're happy? This is a continuation of our August series. We are diving into cheating and um stepping out, but we're going deeper. We're not just speaking on the surface level, like I see a lot on social media. We're diving deeper into the conversation because it happens a lot. I'm sure you've been cheating on cheated on, you or or you know someone who's been cheated on, or you've cheated on someone. So, like it's it's a common topic, and I think we should dive deeper into this conversation, and we should be honest, we should we should dive deeper than cheating's good and bad and wrong and right. No, why does it happen? What's going on? And why does why are we seeing so many relationships forever with people cheating on each other? Why? And so um I'm going to be again diving into this topic deeper on my podcast. There are some things I can't always say on here. So I see someone requested to come on. Wait, did I invite you? I'm sorry, I did not mean to invite you. I I thought that you um you don't have to accept if you don't want to. I I thought that you requested to come up here. Um, but yeah, those are my thoughts. If you're interested, come up. I usually usually let people up one by one. Please turn off your camera. Um, make sure there's no music or background noise. And also, if you don't feel comfortable coming up here, you can also put your response in the chat. Or you can message me in the back channel and I can look there. If you don't want your names, because some people don't want their names revealed um on social media. So if you like to send me a message, I'll also read it as well. So I have my app open so I won't miss you. And we have about 25 minutes. 20 minutes. We're we're we're we're ending at 8 p.m. 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. So in about 30 minutes. Let me check my inbox. Yeah, I don't see I don't see anything. But yeah, those are my thoughts. Those are my thoughts. Um, I will be sharing a different perspective on my show and on my sub stack tomorrow on my what he's thinking um series. Um, and I'll just be tackling different parts of the same question, but expanding it in different ways. So, yeah, those are my thoughts. Um, if you're new here, make sure to follow me. Give me a follow, turn on your notifications. And yeah. Um, but yeah, those are those are my observations. Those, those are that's pepper's perspective. Um, in my um, if you'd like to check out my podcast to the link, it's been scrolling, but it's there. You can subscribe um and listen to my show on all audio streaming platforms like Apple, iHeart, Spock. Um, yeah. Hi everyone, I see new people coming in who like to come up one by one. Feel free to come up if you like to contribute to the conversation or put it in the chat. Hi, I see Legend, I see Goldie, Fred, I see Jupiter, Ceres, and P. Cole Claude? Chloe? Cloyd. P. I don't want to say your name's Ron. Welcome, welcome to Spicy's Faction Live. We're here every Monday from 7 um to 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Welcome, welcome. And thanks for joining me on another episode of Spicy Spection Live. So far, we've had about I think six lives. I have to count again. Um, so but I've had my podcast for four for four years, going on four years. So I thought I'd bring these conversations to this platform and just hear different people's perspectives. Because while I do talk about it on my podcast, it's always nice to involve other different types of perspectives to conversations that we should be having. So that's that's what we do on Spicy Spectrum. We we tackle and uncover conversations that may be uncomfortable, but we have to have when it comes to us being humans, and we all have something in common, which is intimacy. We have all we are all here because of that, because we all have parents, right? But but we dive deeper into um uncomfortable truths when it comes to our desires and what we may not say out loud. So who likes to come? Ah, we only have one person. Or I can just keep talking. I can call I can I can talk forever because I always talk a lot on my podcast too. So I can I can I can keep going. I can I can give some examples. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my um. Is it because I have my glasses on this live? I didn't have my glasses on last time. I feel more sudious. I feel like a studious pepper. Hi, real hi everyone. Welcome to Spicy Surrection Live. If you're new, make sure to check me out. We have these conversations every week. If you want to come up on stage, both men and women are welcome. There's no um limit on that as well. So I'm trying to think of well, while everyone's still deciding if that's coming up or not, um I'll um I'm trying to think of other um reasons why someone may look outside their relationships and still be happy. Um another okay, here another one that I've seen um and and that I've heard too is that um I've seen it in real time, um where there may be a couple who may come to some sort of agreement, and this is a common that I've seen, they may come to some sort of agreement um that, and this is including married couples, that they are happily married, but um a partner or both partners may step out and may have an open relationship for example, because their primary partner does cannot fulfill a need, or there is something that they may not be compatible with, but they both agree to um seek other people as well that may be more compatible in terms of what else that may fulfill their life. So I've seen that too, where they may somewhat say uh um outsource their desires outside of their marriage, outside of their relationships, because their partner can't. And you know, when it comes to a married couple outsourcing, um, you know, literally intimacy actually agree with that, and some may disagree with what I'm about to say when it comes to um, for example, a married couple deciding that it may be better for someone else, like a dominatrix, to see their husband or um vice versa, whatever the case may be, wife, husband, because it takes a lot of work to step into a role like that. And if you're already doing some sort of labor in the relationship, you may not have time to dominate your husband, or like you may not have time to nurture your wife in the way that she's looking for. So I'm all for people out outsourcing their desires, even in a happy relationship, um, in terms of you know, finding someone who may help you, because I've I've I've seen it too, where there a lot of at least what I've seen with my clients is that a lot of them use fantasy spaces or they may step out, whatever the case may be with someone. Um that I'm not gonna say it reg regulates a person, but there are some benefits to people exploring their desires. And I'm not saying in terms of like just stepping out, but just in general, when you put yourself in fantasy spaces, um, in terms of a healthy way of doing it, it can benefit you. I know for me, it's made me more comfortable with myself and who I am. It's made me more confident, it's made me more um confident in myself, aligned with my body. And with who I am. And I think if you use it correctly, it can be a way to even heal you. So um there are some benefits to going into those spaces or seeking someone who does understand something that you may not feel comfortable always um saying out loud. So those are my thoughts on that too. So who does anyone have any thoughts? Hi, I see some other people coming in. I see quasi. Did I say that right? Quasi. I see H T X. I'm assuming that means Houston, Texas. I see Mrs. Natasha. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Spicy Spectrum Loha. We're here every Monday, 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. So feel free to come up. I do invite people one by one. You can come up on the stage and on the platform. And I'll give you a couple of minutes to speak and then I'll bring on the next one. But if not, I can just keep talking too. I like talking, you know. I also like talking to other people. But um, we did have one um guess who came up. And just to recap what they touched on, they touched based on how social media allows for for us to have more access to other people. And that makes things more tempting, right? Um more variety, access to people quicker, you know. You can send someone an instant message right away. You know, you can you can comment under someone's picture, you can hit or hit the like button, you can like flirt, you can slide in somebody's DMs, you can do all that. And it's very easy, even when you're partnered. So that's what we we spoke about. And then we also spoke about compatibility and that being um difficult for some people to be honest about are you really into this, or do you really want this person, or are you hiding some sort some part of yourself that you know you really want and you're not being honest about it? So we talked about that as well. So that was a really um good, um, those were really great points um that I've seen too in my line of work. And just and I've expanded on it on my show too. So those were those were really great. Um points. And yeah, does anyone else have a point? Do you agree? Does he do you disagree with anything that I've said, you can write it in the chat, you can send me a DM, or you can come up and tell me whatever you feel comfortable with. And we have about 15 minutes left. Uh I'm usually here for an hour. And yeah. And if you didn't miss this live, it will be on Substack and Patreon on Friday. So no worries if you just got in here and you want to hear what the previous guest said, or you want to hear more of what I was saying um throughout the show, you can also do that as well. So and you can find that at spicy'spectionpodcast.com. And that's today's topic. Thank you for the love. Thank you for people who have followed. And that uh yeah, check me out. And if you don't want to come on tonight, you can always come back next week um as well. So yes, yeah. Welcome to Spicy's Fection Live. Hi, I see more people. I see John. I see Mr. Negotiator. I see Carrie. I think all of us are there right. Carey, Carrie. Mars? Kenneth. Hi everyone, welcome, welcome to Spicy's Faction Live. Feel free to join me one-on-one. Make sure to turn off your camera. Tell me your thoughts on tonight's question. Why do people look for things outside their relationship, even when they're happy? This includes married, it can include partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, or I don't know. Yeah, any type of committed relationship where somebody may step out, somebody may uh step out of a relationship, and but they still love their partner or they still have interest in them, but they also decided to step out. I'm curious to know um people's thoughts or your thoughts on that too. Not just, I don't like to do surface level, I like to, you know, go dive deeper. So I'm I'm curious to know people's thoughts on this in terms of your thoughts on why you think this happens. And um we do need to have these conversations because it happens so often. So why not? Why why does it happen so many times? And my question too is why are we shocked? And I I say this, and this is just me. Thank you so and so for the follow. This is just me, but why are we so shocked that and this includes celebrities, this this includes the common person, and why are we shocked that somebody cheated? It happens so often. Why does it keep happening? And it's not I don't like the cheating is good versus bad. I like to peel back the layer, I like to go in deeper because it keeps on happening, and we're not being honest here, all right. You know why, and I'm gonna be honest, like, let's talk about again when it comes to the relationship dynamics, monogamy is where cheating happens a lot. Why? And look, I'm not promoting anyone do anything. I am all for people doing all sorts of relationship dynamics. So as long as it's healthy and safe that work for you, I have no problem with that. But why are we not being honest with ourselves? Why are we walking around wearing masks? We're hiding who we are, we're we're we're hiding what we like, what what we actually want? We're being dishonest. And then we get shocked when people are cheating and somebody steps out or you know a celebrity gets cheated on. Why are we still shocked? And why is it and why does it keep happening? And what does that mean for now? What does it mean for the future of relationships? What does that mean with us being honest? Are we are we are we finally going to be honest that maybe some people aren't meant for certain dynamics in terms of relationships? Are we going to be honest about how a lot of people are not compatible with other people and they're just they're just going with the flow and just like not dating people they actually want to date because they care what they care what other people think or they they're hiding different parts of themselves and they just don't want to be honest. Aren't you tired? Aren't you tired of lying to yourselves, of lying to your partners, of lying to yourself? I think people, if you want to be in a monogamous relationship, be with someone else who wants that. If you want to be in an open relationship, be with somebody else who doesn't mind that. That's all I'm saying. That's all that that is all Pepper is saying, okay. All right. I'm just I'm I'm just I'm just being honest. It's time that we start being honest. Because something's not working, something is not working. That's I mean, I know I I can't tell you how many friends I know, how many people I know who I've gotten cheated on. Why? Like it's like it's like it's so common. Like, I'm I'm not even shocked when I hear about it. And I feel like if we're more honest, it would cause us, if if we're honest with ourselves, with other people, it would cause us to not live life being so stressed out. Like, like when you're hiding something apart, like like something that's a part of you, or if you're hiding some sort of lifestyle, that is a very painful way to live, as opposed to being honest and being authentic and just being honest with what you like. Like, don't you want to have your desires but not have to be secret about it? Don't you really want to like live out loud and just be who you are and want what you want? I'm just saying, I'm just saying that's that's all that's all Pepper's saying. I I just think that we should just be honest with ourselves. Like, so those are my thoughts. Um, we have ten I get seven minutes. So, I mean, if anyone, if anyone wants to come up for the last five minutes, if not, that's cool too. Again, I like talking. I talk on my podcast, spicy spectrum on iHeart, Spotify, Apple. Check it out. But um, I like I like having these conversations, and I love hearing other people's perspectives. So, hi, I see some people just got in. Hi, Patricia. I see um Nair. Nair? Sorry. I said that wrong. MLB baseball. Um, Reggie Og. I'm not even going. I'm trying to pronounce people's names. I'm sorry, hi, welcome. Make sure to follow me, check me out. Um, yeah. So I think I think we're gonna close it out for right now. If no one has anything else to say uh in the chat or in my DM or come up on here, but um yeah, I'm just going to um in here. Um, I will again be diving into this topic this upcoming Wednesday on my podcast, Spicy Spectrum. It's an audio podcast. Um, and we will dive deeper into this topic um where we we will touch base on relationships and intimacy and why someone may seek outside of their partner relationships um in terms of fantasy spaces, in terms of outside of those who are not their partner and um why that happens. There are some things I can't always say on here. Um and then I also like to dive deeper on my show. So-and-so says, Do I have to show my face? No, you can no, and um, and actually every guest um turns off their camera. Like, like that's that that's a part of it. So no, yeah, you don't you don't have to, and um I actually would prefer it anyway. So yeah, feel free to come up here for the last five minutes. Or whenever. Um if it goes over, that's fine. Feel free to come up if you if you have any thoughts. Any if you agree, do you disagree with anything that I said? Do you what are your thoughts? Or if you don't, once you come up here, um you can put it in the chat. Okay, here you are. Hi. Can you hear me?

SPEAKER_01 59:27

Well, how's it going? Yes, can you very good, very good. Um I would just like to say that I think a happiness uh in a relationship is very uh relative, um because um if a person comes to a relationship with the definition of happiness that that is not an objective, then maybe when a person is is not satisfied with with whatever that he or she is uh looking for, then the person becomes dissatisfied and look for something that can make him or her happy, you know. So I I think um sometimes a relationship, you know, um, you know, in our life sometimes, you know, we are taught like an example, like um if if we if a person wants to be happy because you know he or she wants a a car, like a a nice car or a nice house, and and let's say she gets it, but then she compares herself with other people's things, she can become unhappy even though initially she was happy. I hope I hope I hope understand what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:03

And I don't I don't wanna like speak for you. Are you saying like if they may in the beginning to um were you saying that like people may not have happiness that they're experiencing anymore that they're looking for outside of their relationship or like they may compare themselves to what they don't have?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:26

Yes, and and I think I think uh a happiness uh sometimes uh people may not see a commitment in to relationship, they are committed of of being happy, but since the happiness might be actually relative, you know, it depends on the situation, then you know things do change. And so but if a person or if two people or in this case, you know, um men and women are committed to uh working a relationship, even though sometimes things may happen in life that may cause the other person not be happy at that moment, um that's part of life, you know. Um but I think I think a commitment to the relationship to work on it is more important than trying to be happy always, because if the happiness is a relative, then then it becomes on and off, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:53

So I wonder too if and I know it's not for all cases that if somebody's not experiencing some sort of happiness and they're trying to seek it outside of the relationship, if they weren't happy to begin with, if that's not something they if that's not something they want to fight for, you know, or with a partner or or seek out someone.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:24

Yeah. And um I remember um there there's a singer, you know, um what's her name? Her name was uh RB singer, Ake, right? You know, like you usually in the past and her songs are kind of like her pain and hers her struggle in the relationship, and and you know, points to like human beings are working in imperfections and and not able to hold things together for a long time, you know. Um and that's that's something that um you know we need to be or like you know, we need to work on in terms of being disciplined in making the commitment to to be with a person in spite of when circumstances do change because it um sometimes you know there is there is summer and sometimes there is fall, sometimes there is but if the relationship is based on early fall or season where you know uh things are cold and stuff like that, then that is you know, it won't last. But I if the relationship is uh understood to be that it's for the whole year, not for seasons, you know? Because seasons are part of of the year, and so and so um I think I think uh it's not easy, it's not easy.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Relationships are definitely complicated and it takes a a lot of work for the for some, you know, depending on the season, like you said. So thank you. Thank you so much for coming on here, and also thank you for following as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:37

So oh yeah, uh I just I just it's funny because uh I just got home from work and and uh yeah, I I just tune in and uh and and and I saw there wasn't like I guess no, maybe there were a lot of people, but I think I came on time just to to you know contribute something, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:59

So yeah, yeah, um thank you. And feel free to join us um next week or no no pressure. We're here every Monday at some 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:10

So thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:12

Thank you for coming on and sharing your thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:15

I yeah, and yeah, and also I I do videos too, but it's more like uh uh inspirational, you know. So um I'm biblical oriented, you know. So but even though even though this um I'm speaking in general, um, so I think that I can do that, you know, because uh you know it's life, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:41

So well, well, thank you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:46

You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:49

And thank you all for joining Spicy Spectrum Live. We will be back next Monday at 7 p.m. I will be diving deeper on Wednesday, so make sure to follow Spicy Spectrum on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, wherever you get your audio podcasts. And thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate all of the different perspectives you all gave so many different um types of perspectives that I didn't expect to talk about today. So thank you so much for your contribution. Thank you for being respectful and adding value to this conversation. And I'll see you next week. Thank you, have a good night. I'll see you on Wednesday for those who are following me on my podcasts.