A BETTER WOMAN: Communicates Courageously | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #097

A better woman... communicates courageously! In this episode, we unpack why “hinting” isn’t communication, how fear and past hurt silence honest words, and how clarity can feel kind, brave, and deeply loving. Practical scripts, a playful sock roleplay, and Proverbs 31:26 ground a faith-first approach to building trust.

• season context and why “a better woman” matters
• tech setbacks and staying faithful to the mission
• passive aggression vs clear, direct requests
• perception gaps between men and women
• fear, insecurity, and therapy-informed insights
• husbands removing landmines to create safety
• roleplay: the sock script for respectful clarity
• applying courage to money, intimacy, and faith
• Proverbs 31:26 as the model for tone and truth
• teaching your spouse how to love you through words

Transcript

Kicking Off “A Better Woman”

Selina Almodovar 0:00

A better woman communicates courageously.

Kyle Almodovar 0:03

The passive aggressive stuff sucks.

Selina Almodovar 0:05

You don't know what you did?

Kyle Almodovar 0:06

I'm getting stressed out going through this example.

Selina Almodovar 0:08

Okay, you were there when it happened.

Kyle Almodovar 0:09

Assuming he's gonna figure it out is stupid.

Selina Almodovar 0:11

Women think they're communicating and they're not. We're not perfect people. By any means. But by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship, and marriage that has stood the test of time.

Kyle Almodovar 0:26

With a keeping it real style, we're gonna talk to you about everything.

Selina Almodovar 0:30

Everything that we've been through are going through and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to live by faith. Is it me or is season three truly just one thing after another?

Kyle Almodovar 1:04

It's been one thing after another.

Selina Almodovar 1:05

With challenges of getting this podcast out.

Kyle Almodovar 1:09

It is, it's been hard to get in here, hard to get it done, hard to get it edited.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar 1:14

And I've had I've had full episodes just completely wiped out of my computer when I was like 95% edited and ready to produce.

Kyle Almodovar 1:27

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar 1:27

We had the card format issue, we had the we've had hardware issue, we've had software issue.

Kyle Almodovar 1:32

Man, we're here.

Selina Almodovar 1:34

We're here.

Kyle Almodovar 1:35

We made it.

Selina Almodovar 1:36

That's it. Take that true. It it always goes back to that gladiator. Say, is this what you what is it? Are you not in a tent? Like me yelling at the enemy. Is this not why you're here? Still here. I'm still standing. Ugh. Makes me so mad. Anyways, happy February.

Tech Setbacks And Pushing Through

Kyle Almodovar 1:54

Last week, before the episode ended, you were talking about getting sick. Last episode. Before the episode ended, you were talking about getting sick. And now it's been two weeks since we've been able to get in here and record. Yes.

Selina Almodovar 2:07

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 2:07

So without further ado, man. Welcome to Love by Faith.

Selina Almodovar 2:11

We're here.

Kyle Almodovar 2:12

Because we're allegedly in a new month of February. We're here. And according to last week, we're in a new year of 2026. Yes. This is an 11-month.

Selina Almodovar 2:19

We're glad you're here. Thank you for joining. If this is your first time, welcome. I'm Kyle. Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 2:25

She's Selena.

Selina Almodovar 2:26

If you've been with us for all this time, we thank you for your love, support, and happy February.

Kyle Almodovar 2:31

And one of the things that we like to do is each month we do a new series.

Selina Almodovar 2:36

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 2:36

This month, last month we did for the men. A better man. Better man.

Selina Almodovar 2:40

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 2:41

And this month, obviously, we're going to do a better woman.

Season Theme And Series Shift

Selina Almodovar 2:44

That's right. So if I may, we we like to do these types of talks w at least in every season. Yeah, I think we like to do a his and hers theme every season. And last year, if you go back to season two, the for the guys and for the girls, it was more so like this is information on how you can love your spouse better. So, like for the guys, this is what you need to know to love your wife better. For the girls, this is what you need to know to love your husband better. This year in season three, we were just like, no, we're just gonna focus strictly on this is what it takes to be a better man. So now that we're in the ladies section, women, this is what it's going to require of you to become a better woman in your personal life, in your marriage, in your relationship, and onward.

Kyle Almodovar 3:41

We're out here for individual success so that the whole marriage can get better.

Selina Almodovar 3:47

We do have a hiccup though, we because we are type A people. We said that we like to have different themes every month.

Kyle Almodovar 3:56

Okay.

Selina Almodovar 3:57

And because half of February is already gone.

Kyle Almodovar 4:01

I thought of the perfect solution to this. Okay. So Better Man was three. Three three episodes. Never mind. My solution is off.

Selina Almodovar 4:08

I mean, we could wrap up a better woman in our 100th episode.

Kyle Almodovar 4:13

No, that won't be weird because that's gonna be the first week of March. No.

Selina Almodovar 4:16

Okay, see, see what I'm saying? So we are gonna have um two very, very, very amazing episodes on how to be a better woman.

Kyle Almodovar 4:29

Crisp, hard-hitting truth that you guys like to hear from us, that you expect from us.

Selina Almodovar 4:34

And honestly, I think this is the reason why the enemy is like trying to stop us because we have really good points and we have really good things to talk about. And he's like, no, I want I want to keep these women where they are. I want to keep them, you know, I want to keep these men not focused on how to be better. I want them to stay stagnant. I want them to stay uh, you know, content where they're at and complacent. We're not doing that. And we're trying to really motivate you guys, whoever's listening and watching this, we're really trying to motivate you guys to become better because it doesn't require a lot, but it does require action. And we want to move you guys into an action-based season of growth.

Why Courageous Communication Matters

Kyle Almodovar 5:15

And personal accountability is part of that. Absolutely. Taking accountability for your own growth, for getting better in the marriage is up to the individual.

Selina Almodovar 5:22

So we talked a lot about a lot. Let's talk about the actual topic today. Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 5:28

So without further ado, yes, a better woman.

Selina Almodovar 5:31

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 5:31

What?

Selina Almodovar 5:32

A better woman communicates courageously.

Kyle Almodovar 5:37

Say what what does that mean? It means say it with your chest. Oh wow.

Selina Almodovar 5:42

In a nutshell.

Kyle Almodovar 5:44

So this is one of those things that I appreciate about you. Okay. I don't know. I know it's because of your upbringing. Yes, I was like, I know it's because of where you came from.

Selina Almodovar 5:53

Yes. Raised in I was a city girl, raised in urban areas, and then I spent a lot of time being raised by my father and my uncle, who are very cutthroat, no holding back, very little emotion, very, very little nurturing.

Kyle Almodovar 6:09

Came from a tough neighborhood, tough schools.

Selina Almodovar 6:11

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 6:12

Raised by tough guys.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 6:14

And and tough girls, like tough women. The women in your life who have raised you or your coat. Tough women, and they taught you to speak with boldness, to speak with with your chest, but speak your mind and not hold back and not bite your tongue to to injustice, not bite your tongue to uh things that are stopping you, and to call out when when stuff is not the way you want it to be, and to do something about it.

Selina Almodovar 6:42

Yes, it is a double-edged sword to talk like that from a woman's perspective, because I know when I started becoming very serious in my faith walk and I got into the church, not everybody talks like this. And I was I was often described as being rough around the edges.

The Socks Scenario And Missed Cues

Kyle Almodovar 7:01

So it's perfect. Why, yeah, that's my question for you for this episode. Why do we need to talk about this? What is this why does this need to be brought up?

Selina Almodovar 7:10

Okay, so the reason why we have to talk about women communicating courageously is because there are a lot of women who were brought up assuming that what they're trying to communicate is being conveyed without words. So for example, elaborate, yeah. Yes, for example, um, you get into a fight, okay?

Kyle Almodovar 7:34

With your spouse.

Selina Almodovar 7:34

With your spouse, with your significant other. Okay. It could be anybody, it could be a friend, right? You get into a fight about the smallest of things. Let's let's say socks, okay? Socks are everywhere all over the floor. Okay. And you are upset about it because you're like, I know he sees that there's a laundry basket. Like, he bought the laundry basket. He was there when we established a laundry basket into an existence in our environment.

Kyle Almodovar 7:57

Okay.

Selina Almodovar 7:57

He refuses to use the laundry basket for the socks. The socks are everywhere, right? Drives her crazy. She then communicates through body language, through huffing and puffing, through eye rolling, through passive aggressiveness, that she is upset and she is waiting for her spouse to pick up on the cues that I'm upset. I'm not talking to you. I'm not conveying, I'm not communicating to you that I'm upset, but I'm showing you that something's wrong. And it's now your responsibility. I'm expecting you to take that and to dig deeper. I'm expecting you to pick up on my cues, and I'm expecting you to take initiative to resolve the conflict. So you know I'm upset, you know something's wrong with me, and I'm waiting on you to communicate. That's not communication.

Kyle Almodovar 8:48

And so she wants him to guess what's going on?

Selina Almodovar 8:51

No, okay. So here's the other thing is women are so perceptive. Okay. I know just by the way you move that something's wrong, something's off. You know, like when you come in and your your eyes are darting all over the room, I'm like, something's wrong. What's wrong? I immediately ask you, hey, what's wrong? What's going on? We're expecting our spouse and our significant other to do the same thing.

Kyle Almodovar 9:15

Okay.

Selina Almodovar 9:16

But guys aren't perceptive like that. Guys aren't picking up on that. Guys are just like, I just thought you were in a in a mood, so I just left you alone. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want you to leave me alone because you're the reason I'm in the mood. I need you to perceive that something is wrong with me so that you can dig.

Kyle Almodovar 9:34

And we react how we we treat you how we'd want to be treated. Exactly. When we're in a mood, we're just like, let me just figure it out. Give me some time to process this. Yes. And I'll I'll get it better, I'll fix it on my own.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 9:46

And so we what's it called that when we put it on you? We project that.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 9:52

We project that to you as like she just needs space to figure this out. She's working on it. All right, cool. She's working on it. I don't have to dig into that.

Perception Gaps Between Men And Women

Selina Almodovar 9:59

But it just allows the anger to fuster because we're like, I know he sees that I'm not well. He must not care, which makes me matter. And then you just go to sleep all come good night, mm-hmm, and then you just fall asleep. And I'm just like, I am livid, and you're just peacefully falling asleep. Didn't even ask me why I'm upset. When you're the reason, I'm upset. Don't even care that you're the reason. See, you see, okay, but this is a picture, this is a fabricated picture to show the example that women think they're communicating and they're not.

Kyle Almodovar 10:40

Okay.

Selina Almodovar 10:40

They're not communicating through their actions, they're not communicating through their body language. If you are not making it boldly clear, if you are not being courageous enough to share with your person whoever offended you or whoever wronged you, hey, I feel this way, then you're not communicating effectively. You're in deep thought. What's going on? See, I see your thinking. I noticed you have your thinking face on. What does this mean?

Kyle Almodovar 11:13

I guess I'm trying to grasp this. I'm thankful right now that it just isn't your communication style.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Right?

Kyle Almodovar 11:21

This is the image you just projected, the image that you just told us about. I'm trying to grasp this, that this is how it goes for people who are upset.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Yes. Right? Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 11:31

And I'm trying to understand how as a man I'm supposed to deal with this. Because I walk in the house and all of a sudden I have to shift and a hundred percent like investigate what's going on with you.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 11:46

Or, you know, you get home from work and all of a sudden I gotta investigate who said what, what happened, and why is this like this? And and it's it sounds like it's even deeper that I have to I have to know. Like I have to pick it up and be like, this is what happened. Like, tell me about this. Yeah. And and pry that out of you. Yeah. Right?

Selina Almodovar 12:06

It's not even prying it out. It's like for some women, we think it's so blatantly obvious that we're upset about something because the action, like, say for example, you did something, like, well, let's go back to the socks. Go back to the socks. Go back to the socks. I was happy. I was joking, I was flirting, I was I was touchy-feely, I was engaging with you, eye contact. But then the minute you dropped your socks on the living room floor instead of in the laundry basket, my attitude immediately shifted. And my attitude has stayed shifted since that moment. To us, we think it's so obvious that what you just did caused me to react.

Kyle Almodovar 12:47

That we should understand the trigger just like that because we did it.

Selina Almodovar 12:51

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 12:51

Okay.

Fear, Insecurity, And The Real Root

Selina Almodovar 12:52

And so days will go by and nobody says anything because she's either tired of saying it or because she's fed up, or because she's still trying to process it and she doesn't want the wrong thing to come out the wrong way. So she's not saying anything, but her body language is completely changed and shifted. And so the guy then says, What is wrong? What did I do? Now she's upset again because she's like, You don't know what you did. You were there when it happened. Like my attitude immediately shifted the minute you did the thing. I'm getting stressed out going through this example. Okay, exactly. Exactly. It's a very stressful way of communicating. Think about rom coms. We, you and I, we always say the same thing. If they did, if they would have just communicated, there would be no movie.

Kyle Almodovar 13:37

Right. Yes. Good communication doesn't make a good movie.

Selina Almodovar 13:41

Good communication doesn't make a good movie. And so we see this in the rom-coms. We see that the guy did something, and then she just goes off the rails of just, I'm so sad. And now she's coming up with this, this whole um or she's like scenario. Right. She's coming up with this whole scenario of like, well, I'm assuming that he's this way, and I'm assuming that he meant this thing, and I'm assuming that it's gonna end up this way because he never came and talked to me about it. But really, like, girl, you didn't share that you were upset in the first place. You didn't share that this triggered you in some way, you didn't share that you are feeling some kind of way, and they I guess girls just give us girls give people the benefit of the doubt that they would just pick up on it and that they would just in tune it because you know what happens is that we do it for them.

Kyle Almodovar 14:39

Okay, I can see that.

Selina Almodovar 14:41

And there's a lot, this is a really big lesson for anybody. You think that people process the way you process, you think that people perceive the way you perceive, you think people assume the way you assume, and all you're doing is putting your projecting your things onto other people and not giving them a chance to be themselves, okay, and not being not giving them a chance to think and be wired the way that God brought them to think and be wired, right? And so you're assuming that they're gonna do what you would do in that situation, and that's not the case.

Kyle Almodovar 15:15

So let's go to this.

Selina Almodovar 15:16

Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode. And right now, we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith playbook.

Kyle Almodovar 15:32

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Selina Almodovar 15:53

So grab your love by faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it. And the good news about this is that it is a living document. So you download it one time, and every single month, we are gonna be updating this document to give you fresh new plays to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your love by faith playbook now, and let's get back into this episode.

Kyle Almodovar 16:24

Okay, we're in the series. Better woman. Better woman communicates courageously.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Yes.

Therapy, Triggers, And Finding Your Voice

Kyle Almodovar 16:29

When she is mad and huffing and puffing, and what sounds to me like passive aggressively communicating, yeah, how do we go from that trigger that that in your her brain says I gotta treat him like this so that he understands what's wrong, for that then to trigger communicating courageously?

Selina Almodovar 16:50

That is where the courageous part comes in. Okay, so the problem is the communication, right?

Kyle Almodovar 16:58

Yeah, yeah, the the passive-aggressive stuff sucks. The the assuming he's gonna figure it out is stupid.

Selina Almodovar 17:03

Okay. The the problem is she's not communicating effectively, but the underlying the root of the problem is she is afraid to, and that's why you have to do it courageously. You're afraid of exposing how you feel. You're afraid that if you share how you truly feel, it's gonna cause more hurt or more pain or more problems. You're trying to preserve any further uh conflict by reserving how you feel. Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 17:37

So it's like you're aggressively going for peace, but you're too aggressively going for peace?

Selina Almodovar 17:41

I guess, if that's how you want to word it.

Kyle Almodovar 17:44

Okay.

Selina Almodovar 17:45

Some people are afraid that they're not gonna be heard. Some people do not see their voice and what they feel as being worthy enough to be shared. There's something going on on the underneath it all that women you have to discover for yourself if this is, you know, your communication pattern, and you're typically going into these kind of conflicts.

Kyle Almodovar 18:08

So there's an insecurity.

Selina Almodovar 18:10

There's an insecurity, yes, that's causing you to feel like I can't share what I really want to share because it's either not gonna be received or it's gonna be gaslit and downplayed, or it's gonna turn into worse.

Kyle Almodovar 18:26

So, how do when they how do they identify that? How do they say, oh, that's what it is? Oh, this is it.

Husbands Removing Landmines

Roleplay: Fixing The Socks Problem

Selina Almodovar 18:32

Girl, you gotta journal. I don't know, you gotta pray, you gotta talk to somebody, you gotta go to counseling or something. You have to figure it out. I know for me, when because okay, let's go back to me. I raised tough and I was really bold, and I just said what I said, and people would really be like, I can't believe you just said that. And I'm like, it is what it is, real is real. Like, I can't sugarcoat it in any other way. And people would be really taken back by that. I'm like, I can't believe that. Just I can't believe that you just said that. Like, how do you just come out with that? I discovered in therapy, right? Because therapy is good for people, especially even Christians, you know, they're good people that are gonna teach you things that you don't know about yourself, right? In therapy, I realized that people used to growing up and in my early adult age, people used to see my boldness as aggression. Even now, you know, whenever we have like a conflict with school with the schools, with our kids, or at a professional store or something, I let you handle it because when I am too bold and I am too upfront, people take that as it's too aggressive. And then I'm automatically looked at as the villain. I'm automatically like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you need to calm yourself down. And I'm like, I'm not calming myself down when you're the one that did something wrong, and I'm just pointing it out to hold you accountable. People don't like that. That's too confrontational for them. And so people all of a sudden turn me into the villain, and they're like, She's too no, she's aggressive, she's too aggressive. So I let you handle this because you have a way of saying it so eloquently, so um reserved, so respectful. And so I say all that to say that women have to figure it out. I did not know this about myself until I went to counseling, and until somebody said that when people see me aggressively by using my voice, it stunts my voice and it stops me from speaking out. So then that made a trigger in me. Whenever somebody talks back to me, it triggered me and then I went louder, I went bolder, but then I felt like in order for me to not hawk out on people, I had to stop talking. This stopped me from talking, this stopped me from communicating effectively, and then I went into the passive aggressiveness. But I had to figure this out through counseling. So for women, you have to figure out what is the root? Is it insecurity? Is it fear? Is it a trigger from trauma? Is it something else that happened in a past relationship that caused you to be like, it is a waste of space for me to try to share what I'm sharing because it's not gonna be conveyed in a good way, it's not gonna be conveyed in a healthy, loving way. And then you have to, once you understand that, then you courageously work through that.

Kyle Almodovar 21:28

So they got to do the internal work first to ask themselves, why am I like this?

Selina Almodovar 21:34

Why am I afraid to share my truth? Why am I afraid to convey to the person that I love and the person who loves me, why is it so hard for me to be completely vulnerable and honest and up front when things happen?

Kyle Almodovar 21:53

In our relationship, one of my shortcomings is that I never made the bed. Growing up, it was not something I was taught, trained, never had to do it. Yeah. And there came a day where you brought this up to me, like, hey, and can we make the bed every day?

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 22:06

How did you because you there's no cop out there, like at the store asking me to talk to someone when you're having a hard time? Not a cop out, but like that's a a coping mechanism so that you're not mishandled or mishandled the situation. Correct. At home when it's you and me. Yes. How do you approach that boldly? How did you come to me about the bed? I don't necessarily remember the moment where you were like, You gotta make the bed. We gotta make the bed. How did you approach me on that?

Selina Almodovar 22:33

I don't know. It was a bed. I I do know when it comes to things about it.

Kyle Almodovar 22:39

How do we make that sucks? Just sucks.

Selina Almodovar 22:41

I know that when I you have given me the peace of mind. You have given me the assurance as my husband to know that I am allowed to talk to you about those things, and there will be no backlash. You've given me the safe space, you've given me the the environment to know that, hey, I can share with you my frustrations because I know there's not going to be a backlash.

Kyle Almodovar 23:06

Okay. Oh, it's a landmine. I've read this in the marriage books. Landmines that men have, where we that women cannot approach this topic or else he's gonna blow up. Yes. And it's and it could be it could be something small, it could be talking about as money. It could be finance, it could be talking about the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So men as men to help our women communicate courageously, yes, removing our landmines, yes, so that she can approach as close as she needs to us. Yes. Like back to the Better Man series, where we were where we were talking about uh being more Christ-like. You can come to Christ with anything. As husbands, we have to enable that land around us, that space in our circle, yes, to be landmine free, so she does not walk onto a landmine.

Guidelines For Clear, Kind Honesty

Selina Almodovar 23:50

Absolutely. The Bible tells us that we are supposed to walk into the throne room with boldness, right? We are supposed to go into the inner courts of the Lord with boldness and with confidence and with assurance that we can take any matter that we have on our heart to him, knowing that it is a safe space, knowing that it will be received and heard, because the Lord says that he hears our prayers. So if we are not creating that kind of environment and that kind of space in our marriage, then yes, she is gonna have reservations and she will have restrictions and she will feel like she is not empowered to be courageous enough to communicate, and then she falls back on the other coping mechanism, she falls back on the passive aggressiveness, she falls back on. I'm gonna talk to everybody else and not you. That's not effective either.

Kyle Almodovar 24:38

I want to go back to the socks.

Selina Almodovar 24:40

Okay, the socks.

Kyle Almodovar 24:41

And we're gonna do a mini roleplay.

Selina Almodovar 24:44

This is not an issue in our house. There's clothes everywhere. Okay, it's not just socks. We both have clothes everywhere. It's not a him thing, it's this is just an example.

Kyle Almodovar 24:53

Communicate courageously to me about the socks and fix the socks problem. Me?

Selina Almodovar 24:58

You right now, man, Kyle, what's up with these socks?

Kyle Almodovar 25:03

What socks?

Selina Almodovar 25:04

These socks right here on the floor. What's up with these socks?

Kyle Almodovar 25:06

Oh, I'll get those.

Selina Almodovar 25:07

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. See, you said that last week and it's not happening, and it's it's really it's really bothering me. Like, it's really, really bothering me. I need you to take care of these socks. I need you to put these socks in this hamper. I need you see where I'm at? Okay, but you see my style.

Kyle Almodovar 25:26

Yeah. You never approach me like this. I just want to point this out. I do. You don't. You don't talk to me like that.

Selina Almodovar 25:31

How do I talk to you like that?

Kyle Almodovar 25:32

Because that whole no no no no no that would trigger me so bad. See? You can't do that. Okay. You don't do that. You don't. What do I do? The what's up with the socks? That is exactly what you said. What's up with the socks? Right? What's up with the socks? What's up with the socks?

Selina Almodovar 25:45

What are we doing with these socks? Why are they why are the socks here?

Kyle Almodovar 25:48

Why are they everywhere?

Selina Almodovar 25:49

Why are these socks here? What's going on?

Kyle Almodovar 25:50

You would go to something like, What do you need to take care of these socks? Because we had this problem with our kids. William would leave his socks everywhere.

Selina Almodovar 25:58

Yes.

Apply It To Money, Intimacy, Faith

Kyle Almodovar 25:59

And we got the sock box.

Selina Almodovar 26:00

Got the sock box. Got the sock box.

Kyle Almodovar 26:02

This is a true thing. We have a sock box. Right by the door. There's a there's just a mini laundry basket. Yeah. You want to take your socks off right now. Put your socks in the sock box. Put them in the box.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 26:11

They go right in the shoe area. Like, and so that no no no no no no no. That would not I would I would you would lose it? Not lose it, but I would be like, hold on. Let's let's let's calm down a little bit here. I wouldn't say calm down, but I would settle down, woman. Soften this a little bit. Don't raise your voice at me, woman. They're just socks. Let's get the I'll get them picked up. Okay. And so keep going with the sock thing.

Selina Almodovar 26:35

I don't know about the sock thing, man. I'm all strung out about these socks. Just handle your socks, bro. Just take care of the socks. Like, this is an issue. I'm the one that cleans the whole house. It is not fair for me. This is I would say this. I'm not, I'm not, I say this with my kids. Like, I'm your mom, not your maid. I'm your wife, not your maid. I need you to take care of these socks because I'm the one that's taking care of everybody else's mishaps. And I don't think that that's fair. And if you want me to clean this house right, I need you to take care of yourself so that I could take care of the rest of the house. It's not fair that I have to take care of the whole house and you. You're a grown man. Please handle this.

Kyle Almodovar 27:14

Nailed it. That was total commute courageous communication.

Selina Almodovar 27:17

This is very this is very attitude-y, I may say, as well.

Kyle Almodovar 27:20

No, no, this is fine.

Selina Almodovar 27:21

Not everyone's gonna have this much much uh passion in their speech. Say what you mean, say what you feel, say what you're thinking, do it respectfully, don't do the no no no's.

Proverbs 31:26 And Speaking With Wisdom

Kyle Almodovar 27:39

You're giving you giving women who have a hard time communicating courageously like this towards their husband an example. Yes, and that's what I wanted you to do. And you did it. You didn't call me names, you didn't question my anything. Character, yes. Threaten, I'm just gonna draw all your socks away. I'm just gonna burn them all. Like you didn't go that way. You said it.

Selina Almodovar 27:58

I shared my frustration with your chest. I shared why I think it's not fair. I shared why I think you can handle this. That's what I got.

Kyle Almodovar 28:12

And this is how you communicate courageously, ladies. I am totally cool with this approach that you just said that last the last part. Thousand percent. I think most men can take that.

Selina Almodovar 28:23

Most men can take this, maybe.

Kyle Almodovar 28:25

No, yes, yes, you're you're you hear it, guys.

Selina Almodovar 28:28

You hear it.

Kyle Almodovar 28:28

Guys can take this. Okay, guys, that what you just did can take that.

Selina Almodovar 28:33

There you go. What's up, love by faith family? We want to say thank you so much for your support in watching and engaging in every single episode that we have put out thus far. We could not have made it this far without you.

Kyle Almodovar 28:44

That's right. And we want to grow more, we want to create new resources, we want to increase our reach, and we want to provide more for you guys. But the only way to make that happen is for you to come alongside and partner with us to sow a seed into this ministry to help it grow.

Teaching Your Spouse How To Love You

Selina Almodovar 29:00

Because at the end of the day, it's not about getting new equipment or putting out new resources, it's about expanding the kingdom, it's about creating godly marriages. Yes. And we can do that if you partner alongside us with your financial support. There's a link below that you can click on. You can contribute one time, or you can partner with us on a monthly basis and help us sow a seed so that love by faith can continue to grow and reach the masses.

Kyle Almodovar 29:27

If you want to see this ministry grow, follow the link below and thank you. We thank you for giving and for being just part of this journey with us so that together we can love by faith. Love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar 29:42

You said you weren't gonna do the joke.

Kyle Almodovar 29:44

That's not a joke.

Selina Almodovar 29:45

Love by faith is a joke.

Kyle Almodovar 29:46

Love by faith, y'all is not a joke.

Selina Almodovar 29:48

That's not our tagline.

Kyle Almodovar 29:49

It's a catchphrase.

Selina Almodovar 29:50

It's not a catchphrase. Can you please just use the link and click below and we would be grateful. In Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Amen.

Selina Almodovar 29:58

Being friends with your spouse will help with this.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

Yeah.

Prayer, Gratitude, And Closing CTAs

Selina Almodovar 30:02

If you have a hard time being friends with your spouse, and this might be a hard approach, you know, if you're only looking at him as lord of the house, the man who pays the bills, and so therefore you have to do everything else because he goes to the job, you know, that's gonna cause some issues, right? That's good that you're gonna have to build up on this. But I do want to say that this kind of approach should be happening with any frustration you have, any offense that you have, any kind of mishap that you have, any kind of communication setback that you have, anything that he does that you are upset about, you should not let that fester and linger until it's time for him to pick up on what you're doing. You should be able to immediately say, Whoa, whoa, what just happened here? I'm not cool with this. If you need time to like really help your anger come down or help your offense come down, say that. Be like, I don't like how this went. I'm not cool with this. I need time to process this, but I'm letting you know I don't, I'm not cool with this. This is not a good thing, okay? Kyle's busting out his Bible. So while he's looking for whatever scripture, I'll go ahead and I'll keep talking. Women, this has to be communicated for everything, okay? Not just socks, not just the house on how you take care of the house, but it needs to happen with you know intimacy issues and relationship issues and financial issues and spiritual issues. Like if your dude's not being the spiritual leader that you want him to be, like you have to share this, you have to voice it. If you don't voice your concerns, if you don't voice your heart and what's on your mind, how will anybody ever figure it out? They're not Jesus, they don't know what you have holding in your heart. So you need to be very clear about this. And you cannot be afraid to be clear because when we are clear and we are speaking in truth, and when you're speaking in love, that stuff should be liberating, it should not be restricting. Is that enough time for you? It's plenty. Okay, there we go.

Kyle Almodovar 32:09

I wanted to hit I wanted to hit this verse.

Selina Almodovar 32:11

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 32:12

It communicates this, speaking courageously, communicating courageously. Okay, a thousand percent. This is the verse that was on my mind as I planned for this episode.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

All right.

Kyle Almodovar 32:21

Proverbs 31, verse 26. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. So that is wisdom, that is using experience, yeah, wisdom of herself, yes, to operate and to know what she needs, and how to lovingly instruct it on her tongue. How to lovingly teach with kindness is what it says in the footnotes here. And that is what this is what the picture of this is is knowing, hey, I need to fix the socks. It bothers me, it triggers me. What can we do to get it better? Yeah. Just saying it like that, saying it plainly to your husband, because brother, you gotta be able to take that. That's not hard.

Selina Almodovar 33:07

How you said um saying it with kindness is really just a reflection of the Lord, you know, is a is a reflection of your fear of the Lord, because the fear of the Lord is is the understanding of all wisdom and all that stuff. And so if you're saying it as if Jesus is in the room with you, right, then it helps you be respectful, it helps you be honorable, it helps you be integrityable, and it also helps you say what you need to say because God is there advocating for whatever it is that you're feeling, anyways. So keep that in mind, ladies. It is very, very important. And how you're instructing, like you're like you just said in the word, how you're instructing them with wisdom and with love. You're essentially using this communication to teach your spouse how to love you better. You're showing them through your words and through your clarity. This is how you love me, this is how you respect me, this is how you honor me. You cannot expect your spouse or your friends or whoever it is that you're talking to. You cannot expect them to know how to treat and handle you unless you share that from yourself. Yeah. Okay. And that is the root of the communication, and this is why it needs to be done courageously. So if you're out there listening or watching this episode, we hope that this encourages you to be bold and be courageous and start communicating so that people can love you the way you should be loved. Because at the end of the day, that is the goal, that is the mission. Love you the way you should be loved so that it can overflow and outpour the love back and multiply, as we talked about in the previous episodes. Yes. And that's what I have to say about that.

Kyle Almodovar 34:55

We are so grateful that you joined us. Yes. Selena, let's close this episode in prayer as we always do.

Selina Almodovar 35:00

Amen. Lord, we just thank. Were you gonna pray?

Kyle Almodovar 35:04

I thought about it and I was like, wait a second, you mean just communication? Let's let her do this. Go ahead, honey. You pray.

Selina Almodovar 35:10

Lord, we thank you that you are giving us an opportunity to share this wisdom and share these experiences to women and men all over the world. And we hope, Father God, that this would encourage them to really dig deep as to why they have felt like they could not speak courageously in the past. And we hope that it would edify them to become more courageous in how they communicate and how they share and in how they can relate to one another so that they can learn to love one another by faith. We give you glory, God, and we just ask that you bless all of the listeners and watchers out there, and we give you glory in Jesus' name. Amen.

Kyle Almodovar 35:51

Amen. Thanks for joining us on Love by Faith. Sorry, too silly for you.

Selina Almodovar 35:57

No, it's perfect.

Kyle Almodovar 35:58

We appreciate you being here every week. Remember to like, share, subscribe. Five-star reviews on Spotify, Apple Podcasts. If you want to take a minute to write a couple sentences about how awesome you love the podcast, it would be so helpful to us.

Selina Almodovar 36:11

And it would be really helpful to help get the word out of Love by Faith Podcast to other viewers in your neck of the woods.

Kyle Almodovar 36:18

If you haven't done so yet, join our email list. Yes. Get the playbook, and the Love by Faith playbook is full of all sorts of great tools, techniques, and tips to help your marriage thrive and be the marriage you want it to be.

Selina Almodovar 36:31

Absolutely. There's even a communication plan that is already inside the couples playbook to help men and women learn how to better communicate. So make sure you check that out. Free for you guys. Link is in the description. We're gonna be back, God willing, next week, where we'll talk more about what women can do to become better. We hope that you join us then. Until next time, God bless you and love by faith, y'all.

Kyle Almodovar 36:54

Love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar 36:56

Bye.

Kyle Almodovar 36:56

See ya. That's why I don't close my eyes when we pray. Because I was getting ready to pray, and then you started praying. And like if I would have had my eyes open, I would have saw that you took a good breath to be ready to pray.

Selina Almodovar 37:12

See, because I'm so perceptive of you, Kyle, I heard your breathing change, and I was like, Oh, he's gonna try to pray.

Kyle Almodovar 37:21

He's gonna try to pray.

Selina Almodovar 37:22

He's gonna, he's gonna I hear his mouth opening like he's getting ready to launch a prayer. Let me go ahead and stop him. Okay. I love you, hon. I love you too. This was fun. Thanks for recording. This was good. Yeah, it was a nice one.

Kyle Almodovar 37:38

We'll see you. I gotta go.

Selina Almodovar 37:41

You gotta go go. No, I don't gotta go, go. Oh, good. That's nice.

Kyle Almodovar 37:44

I just was saying the line because that's that's all we got.

Selina Almodovar 37:47

That's that's what you do. We haven't said it that much in second season in third season.

Kyle Almodovar 37:51

You know, we we we intentionally communicated about how to do better at recording so it's not a rushed exit. Yes. And so now we're here, we got to do that.

Selina Almodovar 38:02

Because I communicated that that was frustrating for you to just leave up and leave after there was no decompression. Yeah. We're doing good.

Kyle Almodovar 38:12

Praise the Lord. The Lord is making a way and helping us get better.

Selina Almodovar 38:15

God is good.

Kyle Almodovar 38:17

All the time.

Selina Almodovar 38:18

Thank you.

Kyle Almodovar 38:18

I guess I was already thinking about the other stuff I had to do with it.

Selina Almodovar 38:22

It was too long of a hesitation.

Kyle Almodovar 38:24

I was on.

Selina Almodovar 38:25

And all the time, guys.

Kyle Almodovar 38:27

All the time.

Selina Almodovar 38:28

God is good.

Kyle Almodovar 38:31

I gotta go.