UNMET EXPECTATIONS: Missing the 10-Year Dream (Pt. 1) | Love By Faith with Kyle & Selina Almodovar #101

In this new series of "Unmet Expectations", we share a 3-part story on missing the ten-year message. 

We share the story of the first full day all three kids are in school and how Kyle missing Selina’s long-communicated spa day dream creates one of the most painful disappointments in our marriage. We break down how unmet expectations connect to love languages, why “too little, too late” can still hurt, and how prayer, journaling, and accountability help us repair and grow.

• Unmet expectations as a hidden wedge in marriage
• The 10-year spa day goal and why it mattered
• Half-day orientation and the movie as a stopgap
• The first full day with no celebration and the emotional fallout
• Processing pain through journaling, prayer, and accountability
• Gifts as a love language and why words alone do not land
• Kyle’s attempted repair with a lasting gift and why it was rejected
• Takeaways for husbands on listening and executing
• Takeaways for wives on checking the heart and approaching hard talks well

Transcript

Unmet Expectations Series Setup

Kyle Almodovar 0:00

We have a special series for you. It's called the Unmet Expectation Series.

Selina Almodovar 0:03

But we want to address it from our firsthand experience. I cannot believe you're gonna do absolutely nothing on this day that I have waited 10 years for. Of how unmet expectations could truly drive a wedge in somebody's marriage.

Kyle Almodovar 0:18

It was just one of the worst like times of our marriage.

Selina Almodovar 0:21

And what you can do from our experience to avoid that from happening. We're not perfect people by any means. But by trusting in God, we learned what it takes to build a friendship, a relationship, and marriage that has stood the test of time.

Kyle Almodovar 0:37

With a keeping it real style, we're gonna talk to you about everything, everything that we've been through, are going through, and have overcome all by learning how to lean on God and each other in order to help you learn how to love by faith.

Sick Week And Episode 101

Kyle Almodovar 1:08

How are you doing?

Selina Almodovar 1:09

I am recovering. Another week-long battle of being sick.

Kyle Almodovar 1:15

I can't believe it hit like that, and it was just like straight off your phone.

Selina Almodovar 1:18

Fuck me out.

Kyle Almodovar 1:19

The last time you got sick, it was like a little buildup, and then you were out, and this time it was just zero to I'm alive.

Selina Almodovar 1:24

I'm dead again.

Kyle Almodovar 1:26

I'm alive again, I'm dead again.

Selina Almodovar 1:27

Man, it took me out, and I was so upset because I I wasn't able to get into my office to to do any kind of you know promotion or celebration for the 100th episode.

Kyle Almodovar 1:37

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar 1:38

And it just kind of fell flat. So hopefully, you know, episode 200, I'll be alive and healthy and all types of marketing and publicity I can put out there. But unfortunately, guys, it is what it is, and we're real people.

Kyle Almodovar 1:51

So we made it, and we're back here for episode 101.

Selina Almodovar 1:54

Yes, and prayerfully, um, nothing, no hiccups or anything will happen for this week, and we can just keep the party going. Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 2:02

Welcome to Love by Faith. I'm Kyle. This is Selena. I'm a Dovar.

Selina Almodovar 2:06

Hello.

Kyle Almodovar 2:07

We've been married 13 years, and we're going on 13 years. Going on 13 years, excuse me.

Selina Almodovar 2:12

Yes.

Kyle Almodovar 2:13

We have a wonderful series put together for you.

Selina Almodovar 2:15

A series of vulnerability that we've been um We did a lot of funning and playing, but now it's it's back to a little bit.

Kyle Almodovar 2:25

We have a special series for you.

Why Unmet Expectations Wreck Marriages

Kyle Almodovar 2:27

It's called the Unmet Expectation Series. That's right. And we're gonna go three episodes, kind of one long story. We're gonna bring it all together and go through a bunch of different stuff. One one little episode of our marriage.

Selina Almodovar 2:39

Yes. It's it's a very vulnerable story, if I may share. So we're gonna get pretty real. We're gonna get pretty raw in this, but we don't we always get real and raw? We do, we do, but this is like this was a hiccup in our marriage, and it happened quite recently, you know. And I think that the reason why you brought this up was because this was your idea, by the way. Yes, this this topic was your idea because you said that it was so impactful to us in our marriage that you thought it would be worthwhile to share this with other people because other people would have uh um would have issues when it comes to unmet expectations. And then lo and behold, you know, as we're doing premarital counseling with our couples and we're mentoring different couples and they're sitting on our chairs and stuff, we heard from a couple very recently that they said they think the number one thing that couples miss when it comes to having difficult marriages is unmet expectations. So it was kind of like a good confirmation of like, okay, this is the way to go. This needs to be talked about because clearly there are a lot of people out there, both married and unmarried, looking at marriages who think that this is a really big problem. And so we want to address it not just from our opinion, but we want to address it from our firsthand experience of how unmet expectations could truly drive a wedge in somebody's marriage and what you can do from our experience to avoid that from happening.

Kyle Almodovar 4:18

So, how it plays out in real time, shared back to you, yes, with all the wonderful wisdom and knowledge of hindsight, right? We can look back and say, Man, I did this dumb, I did that dumb. Yes, this worked out great when we did this, and we're gonna bring that all to you now in this series.

Selina Almodovar 4:36

Yes. So you said that this was a three-part series. This was a three-part story, and I don't think telling the story is gonna take three parts, or do you want me to segment it into three different like things? Like how how is this gonna play out for for the people?

Kyle Almodovar 4:53

I think yeah, we tell the story nice and slow this episode, okay, and we highlight it in the next two to get the the gist of it.

Selina Almodovar 5:01

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 5:02

For the application. Okay. Right? Okay, yeah, great.

Selina Almodovar 5:05

So if you guys are interested in a story, we have one for you.

Kyle Almodovar 5:08

I'll start.

The Ten Year Spa Day Goal

Kyle Almodovar 5:09

Okay. I'd like to start. Okay. One of the secrets of Selena's success is that she is a big time goal setter, goal achiever. Okay. And like she's she's got vision for how she wants her life to be. Okay. Selena doesn't just get up in the morning and say, Well, what am I gonna do today? No, Selena gets up in the morning, makes a list of what she's gonna do today, and gets as much of it done as she can. Yeah, right? When she's at 100%, that's what Selena looks like. Yes, right now, I was zoom out, right? In her life, Selena doesn't just do that in her daily life. Selena does that in her long-term life too. Like she has five and ten year goals, like serious five and ten-year goals that she writes down, lists out, tracks, looks back on, asks herself, did I hit this, did I not hit this, and why? On both fronts, right? And so in parenting, yeah, in marriage, yeah, she has all these things. Yeah, right. She breaks it down to all the different layers.

Selina Almodovar 6:01

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 6:01

Like she is the most organized, like I don't know how to say it, the most not the most organized in her life, but like she has the most organized life of anyone I've seen. Wow. Like the way you the way you track things, the way you set things up, the way you you don't just do stuff by accident, right? You don't get to where you're at by accident. Very purposefully is what I observe in my wife. Yes. And so years ago, years, years, years, years ago, we're getting ready to have kids, right? Right. And we know we want to have our kids kind of back to back back so that they can grow up together, be kids together.

Selina Almodovar 6:36

We can be done with it together.

Kyle Almodovar 6:38

We only we can be done changing diapers like that. Right. Like we don't have to relearn how to do diapers. And so when we were having kids, Selena was like, you know, she was a stay-at-home mom while we're while we're raising the babies. She was a stay-at-home mom. She's like, you know, one day we're all gonna go off to school, and on that first day of school, I want to go to the spa all day. Yes, all day spa day. Yes, and I'm like, oh, okay, yeah, Selena, that sounds great, right? Like, we didn't have spa day money back then.

Selina Almodovar 7:05

Back then, and but I told you with enough time for you to know that this was a serious.

Kyle Almodovar 7:11

I could save a dollar a day from that and had some serious You could have you kind of done it. Some serious spa day money.

Selina Almodovar 7:16

But not only that, it's you know, as you become a new mother, you are embracing the joy of motherhood. You're embracing the joy of your your baby, you know. But then when you start to add more children and they're all growing and you you're crazy, you're starting crazy, you're going past the newborn phase. Yeah, you're really starting to realize as a mother from a mother's perspective, you're really starting to realize like, wow, this is a very sacrificial season for me. You know, like you, Kyle, yes, it's very sacrificial to you because you have to go and provide for us and you have to get the house and make sure everything is in order that way, but you're leaving the house and you're going to work and you're having adult conversations and you're able to have alone time in your car where you can just not talk or or just think, you know, and for a young mother with small children and I'm home all day with them, it I didn't have those, you know, um luxuries, if you will. And so the thought and the dream of man, one day they're all gonna go to school, and I will finally have the time to just breathe. Yeah, I'll finally have the time to just think, to just be in silence. I could finally get a break. I could finally take care of myself after years and years of years of taking care of everybody else. So this dream of having an all-day spa really started to become a serious goal for me, as you mentioned. And I made it very clear to you this is what I wanted. And so, you know, whenever we had a long night with the kids and they were up all night, and I'm just like, man, Kyle, as soon as they go to school, like I just want an all-day spa. I just want to go to the spa all day. I just want to, and I would talk to Kyle about this every every so often.

Kyle Almodovar 9:02

It wasn't like an everyday thing, but every so often regularly to where that was known, like Selena's going to the spa on the first day of school.

Selina Almodovar 9:11

Yes. Like I just thought, like, oh, this would be such like my dream accomplishment that I I sacrificed and I just I did so much in these five years, you know, adding kids, it's seven years, and you know, by the time we had three children, it was about 10 years time from the time I had William to the time Jubilee went to school full time. It was about 10 years time of just me giving and giving and giving and giving and giving. And so I'm not gonna say that, you know, we could afford it, but I said it enough times for us to save money for it. We could have said it. And I'm sorry, but as a as a mother of three children, I felt like I earned that. I felt like I I felt like you earned that too. I felt like I really earned the spa day treatment. Right, like right. So I just wanted to say like behind the reason why I thought that was a worthy goal for me to achieve. And I thought that I was worthy enough to for you to make it happen. And I don't know if you want to go there, if you want me to keep going.

Kyle Almodovar 10:11

No, no, you're good. Okay, you you are worthy enough for me to make it happen. You were worthy enough for me to make it happen. Like you didn't have to earn it. I wanted to do it from from the kindness of my heart. I wanted to do it. Yes, yes. But I didn't. I missed it. The day that it was time for the three kids to go to school came and it was there, and I had not prepared, right? She had warned me and warned me in all these years of telling me that this was coming. I hadn't prepared.

Selina Almodovar 10:47

What ended up happening that day, the first day of school, was so pivotal to our marriage that it it we have we have to tell the rest of the story. Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this episode. And right now, we want to just take a small minute to introduce to you the latest thing that we created to help you elevate your relationship and take it to the next level. It's called the Love by Faith playbook.

Kyle Almodovar 11:14

Every good coach knows they have to have winning plays. We went through our foundation series and we pulled out some of the best winning plays and created strategies for you guys. Plays like how to be better financially, how to do ministry together, how to be better romantically, how to be better family life. We went through all these different areas from the foundation series and put it together in a playbook.

Selina Almodovar 11:34

So grab your Love by Faith playbook today. You can use the link in the description below, enter it. And the good news about this is that it is a living document. So you download it one time, and every single month, we are gonna be updating this document to give you fresh new plays to help you and your partner love by faith and create a winning season. Go ahead and get your love by faith playbook now, and let's get back into this episode.

The Half Day Movie Compromise

Selina Almodovar 12:05

There was a half day orientation for Jubilee, and I thought, okay, maybe he's gonna do it in the half day. Maybe he's gonna tell me to do like a spa thing in the morning, and then I pick up Jubilee in the afternoon, and that it felt like that wasn't gonna happen. So then I suggested, well, why don't we go to the movies and why don't we try to, you know, celebrate? Because I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to celebrate this moment. And Kyle was just like, oh, maybe I can get off work. And I'm like, no, I think you should because I think we should go to the movies. I think we should do something to celebrate. Like, this is a big deal for me. It was a huge deal for me to have all three kids finally go to school. And so I almost felt like reluctantly you went to the movies with me. Like it was great in the moment and it was fun when we did it, but I it it felt like pulling teeth for you just to get there.

Kyle Almodovar 12:54

In that moment, I was feeling like, man, she had told me all these years to be ready for the spa day, told me all these years to be ready for that first day of school.

Selina Almodovar 13:02

So you knew that on the half day?

Kyle Almodovar 13:04

I knew that when we went to the movies.

Selina Almodovar 13:06

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 13:07

When we went to the movies, I was feeling like down because I didn't do the spa day.

Selina Almodovar 13:11

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 13:11

I was feeling like really interesting. I could see the the hope in your eyes and I was really. Yeah, because I I The movies weren't a cop out. The movies were definitely secondary, right? Like Okay. It was spur of the moment. Yeah. And it was not. I felt bad. I felt bad that it was.

Selina Almodovar 13:32

You felt bad at the day we went to the movies.

Kyle Almodovar 13:34

Yeah, I felt bad that it wasn't the spa day. Really? Why are you surprised by this?

Selina Almodovar 13:38

Because it gets a lot worse. It gets a lot worse.

Kyle Almodovar 13:41

The day we went to the movies wasn't the first day of school.

Selina Almodovar 13:44

It was technically the first day of school, but it was a half day. So I had to get Jubilee at 12 p.m.

Kyle Almodovar 13:50

Okay, keep going. So we went to the movies.

Selina Almodovar 13:52

So we went to the movies and then. They took the half day, and then we got Jubilee, and then you went to work, and that was fine. And I thought, okay, no big deal. It's a half day. Wait till the f so this was like Wednesday, half day. Thursday was a half day. Friday was a half day. So I thought, okay, no sweat. Maybe on Monday, the first full day when all three kids are in school, maybe that's when he'll do something.

Kyle Almodovar 14:16

Oh, okay. So I thought that I had checked the box by going to the movies. Right.

Selina Almodovar 14:22

Okay. Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 14:23

So yeah. So we went to the movies. I thought it was great. We had a good time.

Selina Almodovar 14:26

We had a fun time. We watched Fantastic Four.

Kyle Almodovar 14:28

Looking back on it, I felt bad in that moment. But in that those days, I didn't think I had to do the spa day still. So for whatever reason.

Selina Almodovar 14:37

So then on the way home from the movies. Yeah. On the way home from getting jubilee that day, the very first day, half day of school, I asked

The Full Day Nothing Happens

Selina Almodovar 14:46

you, because I was like, I want to be very clear. Do you have anything planned besides this movie that I planned? And you were like, no. So then that's when I started to feel like I was in denial, guys, because I thought maybe he's just lying to me because maybe he's trying to make it a surprise. Maybe he's trying to make it a surprise because he knows how much this means to me. He knows how important this is. So I was like, okay, fine. I play along. I was like, okay, got it. Understood. Went to go get Jubilee. Thursday was a half day. Friday was a half day. So then the following Monday, all three kids, we take them to school together. You come home, you're grabbing your lunch, you're grabbing all your things. And I'm just sitting on the chair. I'm just sitting because I'm like, any minute now, any minute now, he's gonna give me a cupcake. He's gonna give me a card. He's gonna give me um a spa, surprise. You know, maybe he's gonna do something, anything. And Kyle, you just like gave me a hug and you saw my face because at this point I'm realizing it's dawning on me. Like, you are gonna do nothing on this day. You're gonna do absolutely not. And I was like in shock because I was like, I cannot believe you're gonna do absolutely nothing on this day that I have waited 10 years for. And so then you see the look on my face and you're you're you see that I'm like I'm watery-eyed right now. Right. And you're like, oh no, don't cry. Don't cry when I leave. Like, here, let's pray real quick. And then you pray, like, please let her enjoy her day. I hope she has a good day in Jesus' name, amen. And you're like, all right, I'll see you at the end of the day. And then you just like leave. And I'm thinking of myself, like, I was so numb. I was thinking to myself, like, it wasn't even like a blessing of a new season prayer. It wasn't even an acknowledgement of this new season. So then my head starts turning and I'm like, is he jealous that he has to keep going to work and I finally have like this free time? And I'm like, is he trying to get back at me because now I finally did this? And I literally, Kyle, when you left for work, so you left for work at like 9:25 or something, right? I literally sat in the on the sofa and I did not move for at least two and a half hours because I was so distraught and I was so confused, and I was so utterly upset and just disappointed because it felt like all of the work that I put in in raising three children and being a stay-at-home mom was met with literally nothing. Nothing. And I just felt so depreciated in that moment. And I was angry and I was just like, why should I be angry? Like, I'm trying to be rational about it and I'm trying to tell myself, like, we don't have the money, it's not there, like it's not his fault. But then I started to get mad because I'm like, yes, it is, because he knew about this for years and he could have saved and he he could have done something. And then I'm mad because I'm like, why didn't I do something? I should have betted on myself and I should have made the call and I should have set it up. And I just, I literally was just wrestling with myself and just crying and sobbing, literally, just screaming as loud as I could for at least two and a half hours.

Kyle Almodovar 18:10

It's crazy.

Selina Almodovar 18:11

At least crazy as you didn't know this because I never told you this. Yeah. This is like probably the first time I'm sharing this information with anybody. And I was just so utterly upset with how that happened because I really, really, really believed and expected that that moment would have been celebrated because I I dreamed of that moment for so long.

Kyle Almodovar 18:38

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar 18:39

For so long. No doubt. And I didn't, and I didn't get it. And I was really upset. And so I think you called me like during a break, like, hey, how's it going? And I just, I could not, I could not talk to you.

Kyle Almodovar 18:54

Yeah, I don't think you answered.

Selina Almodovar 18:56

I couldn't talk to you. I couldn't talk to you at all. And I was just, I didn't want to meet you with anger. I didn't want to disrespect you. I knew that you were, I knew that you were oblivious. That's the part. Is like, I knew you genuinely did not get what was happening. You didn't get you missed it completely. It completely went over your head. And that made me mad worse, right? That made me even more mad because I'm like, I know I communicated this to you. I know I expressed how much this was important to me. And I just I can't figure this out. So I think I kept I kept hanging, I kept like shutting you off. Like I kept turning it like on end. I kept shutting the phone off. And you then got like worried, and you were like, I need to know what's going on. If something's going on, like you need to talk to me. And I think that's when I shared with you that I was really, really upset. And I just I can't, I was like, I can't believe you you didn't do anything. And I and I said that I was like, not even a card, not even a cupcake. And sidebar for those of you guys who are listening and who are who are watching this right now, gifts are my love language, okay? Gifts are my love language, and it really started to hit me, and that Kyle didn't give me anything to express this moment with a gift, okay. Saying congratulations is one thing, but it doesn't hit the same because gifts are my love language. I receive love through gifts,

Journaling To Find The Real Root

Selina Almodovar 20:32

I I extend love through gifts, I didn't get anything, and so I'm just I was just in my feels and I tell Kyle, like I I can't talk to you right now. You didn't give me anything, you didn't do anything, and so now it's starting to click for him, it's starting to hit home, you know, and I was just like, I I just can't talk right now. I can't talk. So I shut off the phone, I can't do anything. Yeah, I I think I journaled. I journaled like eight pages long because I'm trying to figure out like what is really happening here. Is it really the spa? Is it that deep? Is the spa appointment that serious? I had to figure out what the root of it is, is what I tell you guys in all of these episodes. Like, discover what the root is. So I'm trying to figure out what the root is, and it boiled down to that. To what? I discovered that the reason why I was so upset is because my love language was not extended to me in the time that I felt it should have been extended. I felt like your expression of gratitude for my 10 years of service as a stay at home mother should have been met with something that would equal my love language, and it was not received. So then I started thinking of all the other times when I felt this way. You think you're spiraling? Is that I'm not spiraling, but I'm trying to think like, am I is this valid? I'm trying to understand, like, is this anger valid? Am I am I tripping or am I like is this worth being angry about? And I so I did a few things. I number one, I talked to my best friend. I poloed her and on through the Michael Marco Polo app and I shared what was going on with me. And I'm because she's my accountability partner. She will tell me if I'm tripping, she will tell me if I'm off. She will let me know if Kyle was off, or you know, she would just hear me out. So I talked to her. Of course, I prayed about this because through my journaling. I'm just like, Lord, check my heart. Is this me just wanting my way? And is this me being entitled? Like, what is this really like? Because I really want to come correct the next time I have to talk to you. So I'm just like, what is going on? Where is this coming from? Like, what's going on? And then that's when I started checking myself. Like, when else do when else am I expecting to get my love language handed to me and then it's not received? So that's when I started to understand, wow, the root of this is I don't feel loved. And the reason why I don't feel loved is because I don't get my love language given to me every so often the way and in a in a consistently time fashion. Okay. You know what I'm saying? And so I started to understand like it's not about the spa package per se. It was more so about the fact that I was craving to feel loved and I was craving to feel appreciated through my love language. And it wasn't met not just in this season, but in other seasons down the line. And so I started to really understand, like, wow, this is me crashing out because I don't feel loved. Not to say that you don't love me. Like, let's be very clear. You're providing for me as a man of the house, bringing home the check. You know, like you're allowing me to have this space where I can work on my own ministry and my own business. You're allowing me the space to grow and be with my friends, and you give me dates or and you you buy me things in some certain times, okay, but it wasn't as consistent as one would require love. And that's what it was. And so eventually we had to meet. Yeah, we had to get home from work. You get home from work. So I'm gonna pause my stuff and I want to hear like that's what was happening to me to me during the day. That was my process during the day. What was going on with Kyle?

Too Little Too Late Gift

Kyle Almodovar 24:45

Eventually, I figure it out, and I'm like, oh, oh, this is that day, and I missed it, right? I'm at work and I'm like, dang, I missed it. And she she tells me, right, I missed it, and this is what it was. And I obviously she communicates to me how she's feeling, what she's going through, and that I missed the mark. And so I'm like, all right, I know what to do. I'm gonna get her a gift, get her some some flowers, get her something to bring home and feel special, right? And sure, I stop and I get a plant because like a plant will grow, right? It'll keep growing, and I bring it home and I give it to you.

Selina Almodovar 25:22

Yeah, right.

Kyle Almodovar 25:22

And I don't remember what you said or how you said it, but you basically rejected the flowers. Yes. You were like, it was too little, too late, and it wasn't.

Selina Almodovar 25:30

It was sympathy. It was a sympathy gift, pity. And it yeah, it was a pity gift, and it I didn't feel like it was given to me with the true intention of I love you, I appreciate you.

Kyle Almodovar 25:41

Yeah, remember you really communicated to me what was going on, and I was able to to really have it and and grasp it and process it and feel awful about it for a long time. Yeah. I mean, even now, still going back and hearing the story, it just sucks sitting here hearing it. Yeah. I don't want to be that man. You know, you like you said, nine years of toiling and kids, three, three kids all day. Yeah. And and the sacrifice of the time and the energy and and your your health that you put into being a mother. Yes. It was just it was just one of the worst like times of our marriage. Not like big picture time of our marriage, but words like day. It was a very disappointing day. So yeah, I and you felt horrible, and I felt horrible, and it didn't get any better when I got home from work. And it just it just was awful. And I kept like, well, I'll get home, we'll talk about it, and it'll get better, right? So I get you this terrarium, yes, bring it home.

Selina Almodovar 26:42

Yes, which P. S. I love terrariums.

Kyle Almodovar 26:45

It was awesome. I got there and I was like, she's always wanted one of these.

Selina Almodovar 26:48

I've always wanted a terrarium, yes. And so but I couldn't, I couldn't accept it.

Kyle Almodovar 26:53

And so I get home, yeah, and I bring it to her and hand it to her, and it's just totally rejected, totally not. She says, This is jubilees. I'm not, I'm giving this to Jubilee because I don't want this. Yes. It was pity, and it was just not cool. And I deserve that. Like I I felt I felt her pain, right? Like, I get what she's saying that she had this expectation for all these years. You know, you heard that the she set it up, she had the goal, she talked about it through years and years. And in preschool, when you take the kids to preschool, you would talk about it. Yeah. When we took the second one to preschool, you'd talk about it.

Selina Almodovar 27:25

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 27:26

Even when we took Jubilee to like that part-time preschool, it was only two days a week. Yeah. You were talking about it. And so how I wasn't ready, how I wasn't prepared is just a bonehead. But there's no there's nothing.

Selina Almodovar 27:36

What happened, Kyle?

Kyle Almodovar 27:37

There's nothing I could say here that would answer that. It would all be excuses. It would all be just excuses. I didn't prepare, I didn't execute when it was time.

Selina Almodovar 27:46

Did you think that it was that important for you to have to care?

Kyle Almodovar 27:50

I thought it was important. Again, I can't answer that question any other way, right, without making excuses. Was it a money thing? There could have been a little money pressure there, sure. Like not wanting to just throw it on the credit card. Uh you know what I mean? Yeah. Not want to dip into emergency fund for this, but it would have been worth it. It's not an emergency fund. It's not an emergency fund. It would have been worth it, though, to avoid all this headache and hassle that came with it.

Selina Almodovar 28:18

Is is that what this is?

Kyle Almodovar 28:19

It was. It was uh it was horrible. Yes, it would have been worth it to put the money on the credit card or anyway to to fulfill your my love to you through that gift.

Selina Almodovar 28:30

Let's have Love by Faith family.

Prayer And Love Language Insight

Selina Almodovar 28:32

We want to say thank you so much for your support in watching and engaging in every single episode that we have put out thus far. We could not have made it this far without you.

Kyle Almodovar 28:41

That's right. And we want to grow more, we want to create new resources, we want to increase our reach, and we want to provide more for you guys. But the only way to make that happen is for you to come alongside and partner with us to sow a seed into this ministry to help it grow.

Selina Almodovar 28:57

Because at the end of the day, it's not about getting new equipment or putting out new resources, it's about expanding the kingdom, it's about creating godly marriages. And we can do that if you partner alongside us with your financial support. There's a link below that you can click on. You can contribute one time or you can partner with us on a monthly basis and help us sow a seed so that love by faith can continue to grow and reach the masses.

Kyle Almodovar 29:24

If you want to see this ministry grow, follow the link below and thank you. We thank you for giving and for being just part of this journey with us.

Selina Almodovar 29:32

So that together we can love by faith.

Kyle Almodovar 29:36

Love by faith, y'all. That's not a joke.

Selina Almodovar 29:42

Love by faith is a joke.

Kyle Almodovar 29:43

Love by faith, y'all is not a joke.

Selina Almodovar 29:45

That's not our tagline.

Kyle Almodovar 29:46

It's a catchphrase.

Selina Almodovar 29:48

Can you please just use the link below and we would be grateful in Jesus' name. Amen. As we're wrapping up this first episode, and you're hearing the first part of this, because it keeps going, yeah. We'll keep we'll keep continuing it next week. But as we're wrapping this up, did you pray at any point? And if you did, did God share anything with you at any point during this?

Kyle Almodovar 30:13

So during that day, I prayed, like, Lord, what what can I do today to help this? Right. And that was go get it, get a gift. Don't show up empty-handed, right? You know your wife loves gifts. Don't show up empty-handed.

Selina Almodovar 30:26

So I want to pause there because this whole thing for me, at the end of it, the root cause of this was that I didn't feel like I was getting enough love through gifts. So in prayer, God revealed to you like, give a gift because that's her and don't just give any gift, like give something that's gonna last years and years so she can remember the day. Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 30:49

That's what you felt. That's what yeah. Okay. That was the leading I felt.

Selina Almodovar 30:53

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 30:54

And so that's why I went with the plant, not just the flowers that bouquet that dies, but a plant that would grow and last.

Selina Almodovar 31:00

I just think it's so crazy how when I'm searching God from through my hurt and through my pain, it leads towards the lack of gifts. And when you're searching for God for the answer and for direction, yeah, he sends you to the point of the gift. Like it it it you see what I'm saying? Like it connected.

Kyle Almodovar 31:22

I know you, I know your love language, I know how to love on you. I just missed it that day. Just missed it huge and an important day, but just missed it.

Selina Almodovar 31:32

He missed it, and it felt like when I was in the moment that it was continuously missed. And so what I did in the conversation thereafter, you know, is gonna expound a little bit more. Oh, it gets better, it gets juicier, it gets it expounds a little bit more, but please keep in mind that my unmacked expectation was revolved around my love language and his solution to trying to fix the problem, though too little, too late, came back to the love language. Yeah. And so as we continue to tell this story, I know we're gonna leave this cliffhanger for you guys, but as we continue to tell this story, what is one takeaway that you can encourage people right now when it comes to unmet expectations and when it comes to a love

Takeaways And How To Approach Conflict

Selina Almodovar 32:20

language?

Kyle Almodovar 32:20

I would say to the guys on unmet expectations is to as hard as it gets, as boneheaded as we are, as much as we get distracted, listen to what she's saying, take it seriously, as much as it she says it so many times and it just sounds like the Charlie Brown phone, womp wam, womp wam www. You have to really hear it, guys. Wow. Apply it and not and not just let it go in one ear and out the other, because it means all the words they use mean things to them, and it's there's we have to take it to heart. I had to take it to heart much better than I did. And so if I could say anything, I would say take it to heart when she says she wants a spa day. Seriously, when she says it for seven, eight, nine, ten years in a row. Come on, bro. Do better.

Selina Almodovar 33:10

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 33:10

That's what I tell myself now.

Selina Almodovar 33:12

Yeah.

Kyle Almodovar 33:12

Just do better.

Selina Almodovar 33:13

Yeah. I think after our after this disappointing hiccup in our marriage, I think you have been doing better. I think the lessons that we learned from overall the experience that we'll keep sharing with you guys, I think it has improved significantly. I don't think what would be your one takeaway to share? My one take I mean, tell your dude again and again and again and again. Make sure he saves money so that that's not an issue. Like, I don't know, dude. I thought I did all the things. I I will say my biggest, I will say my biggest takeaway was in the approach. You know, you you never want to approach your your spouse with anger and you want you never want to crash out on them. I definitely took a lot of time to really process and reflect what I was going through in that moment. I really and I and I and check your heart because I was checking my heart. I was just really trying to figure out like, am do I am I coming out of entitlement? Am I coming out of pride? Like, where where is this coming from? Am I wrong? You know, I I've I went to my accountability partner. Like, am I wrong? Check myself. And so if there is an unmet expectation that happens within your marriage, do the things to make sure that you're coming correct, ladies. Do the things that make sure that you are standing on firm ground and you're not just standing on, you know, fickle expectations or feelings. And I I do believe in all of my humanness that I was coming correct.

Kyle Almodovar 34:40

Did you love me any less that day?

Selina Almodovar 34:41

I oh, I wrote this in my journal. It hurted harder because I loved you so much. I just I felt so hurt because I loved you. And I know that when you when you graduated right here, when you graduated from getting his bachelor's, I I went out of my way to truly show you like you deserve it. And I got you the one watch that you said you wanted that was totally out of reach, totally out of budget. And I was like, no, I'm gonna figure out what to do because he deserves this. And now you have this beautiful G Shock watch, you know, and you're making me blush. But it was because this isn't what I did because I I thought that you deserved because I loved you so much that that I just felt like this is what was worthy of your hard work. Yeah, and so it hurted that much more because I did love you and I would go to the depths for you, and I want to forgive you and I want to move past this, but I needed you to understand my hurt, and I needed you to understand that it can't happen again, yeah. And so what happened thereafter, and what we will talk about next week helped you understand. Oh, it helped me understand, and it helped you see. I helped you too, didn't it? No, it was very hard. It was it was very hard, but it was very necessary. So we'll talk about that later. We hope that you guys enjoyed this series. Again, this is something that is really coming from our hearts. We're being very transparent and very vulnerable. There were things that I shared that I didn't share with Kyle before. So we really hope that you hear this. And if you're struggling with an unmet expectation in your marriage or in your relationship, we hope then pray that you will continue to stick around for the next couple of weeks as we round out this series and uh that you would grow from it and that you would learn from it. Why don't we go ahead and pray and then we'll we'll wrap up today's episode.

Closing Prayer And Final Banter

Kyle Almodovar 36:46

You pray for this one. Pray for this one.

Selina Almodovar 36:50

Dear Lord, we just thank you for grace and mercy and forgiveness and for love. We thank you that you teach us in real time how to love like Jesus, how to be united, how to acknowledge when we're being attacked from outside. And we pray that you would strengthen the relationships who are a part of this episode, who are listening, who might feel any kind of similarities or can relate in any way, Lord, who have compassion for our story, Lord. We pray that you would minister to them in the way that they need it, that you would help them find their faults and help them come correct, help them learn how to communicate on issues like this and others. And we just pray, Lord, that as we continue on this journey, that you will bring and shed light and revelation to lessons that we can take with us into our relationships that would help fortify and strengthen those relationships for the seasons to come. In Jesus' name, amen.

Kyle Almodovar 37:53

Amen. Thanks for joining us on Love by Faith. Remember to like, share, and subscribe on YouTube, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Make sure you leave a five-star review. Yes. We thank you for being here with us. We look forward to being back next week to keep the story going. Yes. Remember, love by faith, y'all.

Selina Almodovar 38:13

Take care. We'll see you next week. You told me I couldn't say that anymore. Did I? Yeah. Did I mean it? I don't know. You spit your like drink out when you said it. You're like, I can't believe you would say something. You're banned. Banned.

Kyle Almodovar 38:33

Because you said it wasn't my catch.

Selina Almodovar 38:34

Flaming swords can never enter here. How do you feel about sharing our story? Are you okay with it?

Kyle Almodovar 38:41

Yeah, yeah. You're great, man. It's hard. It's real though. Not out here to be perfect. Yes. Out here to get better and help couples get better. Yes. And you know what? The next day, the next day at work, I told one of my buddies the story.

Selina Almodovar 38:54

Okay.

Kyle Almodovar 38:54

And he shared a story to another guy who's had kids going to school. Okay. And he was able to give his wife, get his wife a gift for the first day of school. So my testimony was his glory.

Selina Almodovar 39:06

Wow.

Kyle Almodovar 39:06

Yeah.

Selina Almodovar 39:07

Did you ever hear back from like the the mom? Like, did you No, I didn't know him. I didn't even know the guy.

Kyle Almodovar 39:12

I just I told one guy and then he told another guy, and it helped that dude to have have a good Kyle.

Selina Almodovar 39:18

I'm gonna I'm gonna share this in the end credits scene so that it's forever etched. Why? Because I did not yet get a spa day. I there's a chance for you to redeem the spa day. There is no chance. The first day of school is coming gone forever. So what? I'm gonna wait till the day they graduate to get a spa. I'm never gonna get a spa.

Kyle Almodovar 39:44

Nope, no spa. It's ruined. Oh my god. What? Um, wait, no. When when did I send you for the spa day? When did we do it? Is that your 40th birthday? That doesn't count. Wait, no, yes, it does. It was a full day spa. When was that?

Selina Almodovar 40:01

That was when I turned 40th, and that was my 40th birthday request. It's two different things, two different meetings.

Kyle Almodovar 40:08

You're not to say that you've never ever been to a spa.

Selina Almodovar 40:10

I've never, never not been to a spa day. I just like the spa. Send me back, is all I'm saying.

Kyle Almodovar 40:15

Okay, I'll remember that.

Selina Almodovar 40:17

Will you?

Kyle Almodovar 40:20

Hey, hey, Ziri, remind me in 30. Remind me they buy Selena spa day.