Hello , hello everybody , and welcome to episode one of conquering chaos a mom's guide to self care and sanity . I'm your host , sydney , and today I want to share a deeply personal journey that transformed my life . Parenting has not been an easy or smooth ride for me . I found myself . My girls , I guess , are , I should say , are eight and ten now , and three years ago I found myself at the breaking point . I was in a really dark place . I had been struggling with postpartum anxiety for a number of years . I had been medicated at that point for five years , six years , and I was feeling really lost in the expectations of motherhood . And today I stand strong , having found my way out , and I'm here to help others do the same . So join me as we explore my story of resilience , self discovery and empowerment .
Speaker 1So three years ago , as I said , I was a woman who , despite my love for my family , found myself contemplating really drastic escapes . In the midst of all of my postpartum anxiety , I grappled with the belief that my family might be better off without me . These thoughts , though dark , are not uncommon . Many mothers silently bear the weight of societal expectations , feeling inadequate and lost along the way . And here's the thing Motherhood isn't a one size fits all . So we have these societal pressures to conform in this overwhelming and it's overwhelming we're pushing moms like me to the edge , and I felt this pressure intensely , believing that I should be exceptional in all areas of motherhood , and I was really struggling in silence out of really big fear of judgment and misunderstanding . You know , I can go back to those moments and just the fear that some like , if I was honest about what I was really feeling , what I was really thinking , that somebody might come and take my kids away because I was an unfit mother . You know that level of fear and pressure that weighs on people , and I know I'm not the only one who felt that and so what I didn't realize back then was that reaching out and being vulnerable could be a lifeline . You know , I have an incredible support system with my husband . He has always been my rock .
Speaker 1But even in those moments I was so ashamed of what I was thinking and feeling because , you know , on the outside I looked like I had it all together . You know I had done everything that everyone had said , like go to university and get a good job and get married and have kids , and I had checked all the boxes , and yet I was still feeling so empty inside and I the guilt and shame that I felt that that wasn't enough . You know why , like every morning , I would wake up and I would just be like why isn't this enough ? Why do I feel so lost in this ? And that is when I started to look inward . You know , we're so . It's so easy for us to rely on other people for our happiness and in today's society where we have , you know , instant gratification with social media and we're just seeing everybody's picture perfect window that they're putting out , it can be really hard to understand the fact that there's a whole other life that people are living behind that computer screen or that phone screen . So we start to put all of these extra pressures on ourselves .
Speaker 1And so when I started to look inward and stumble into the world of coaching and personal development , that's when everything changed for me . You know , instead of seeking that external validation , I turned inward and started healing my soul . It wasn't about escaping my reality , it was about confronting it with the courage that I had inside of me . We often underestimate the power of processing our emotions and acquiring these tools needed to not just survive but to thrive . These tools became my salvation , my means of transforming my mindset .
Speaker 1Emotional intelligence that is a fairly new term in society . It's definitely not something that I grew up with and it is a really key piece of how we raise our kids now . And so , like , we've often talked with our kids about their feelings and their emotions and you know there's really great resources out there nowadays where you can , you know , name it to tame it and all of these things . We did another course with the kids this summer called Mind Wizards , and it was really an amazing opportunity to help stimulate those conversations with them about their emotional intelligence and their mental well-being . You know , but this is a fairly new idea of life .
Speaker 1You know , back when I was growing up , we didn't talk about stuff like this . You know what happened behind closed doors , stayed behind closed doors . You never wanted to , you know , talk about anything that was going on inside the home . Right , you put your best foot forward as soon as you stepped out that front door , and I think that that was a huge detriment to what a lot of society is going through today , and so I'm grateful that we're transitioning out of that and that there are more resources and more tools out there for our kids , but we still have a really long way to go .
Speaker 1And so once I started to learn more about personal development and continue to grow my own emotional intelligence as I healed , I realized the importance of breaking these generational cycles , and we all everybody has different wounds and traumas that they're dealing with , you know , some more severe than others , and I think it's really great that we can like when we look at the generational healing right . I don't want to pass down that trauma and that behavior to my kids . I want to heal myself so that I can model better emotional intelligence for my kids right and teach them how to do it at such a young age that it's just natural for them to be able to get the support and the guidance and everything that they need before it's too late . You know , if I had been able to find the support that I needed when my daughter was two instead of seven , I mean , that's five years where I was just on this hamster wheel , this you know cycle of Groundhog Day basically , where it just never felt like I was enough and it never felt like I could do enough or be enough or grow enough , you know , like there was just such a haze over my head that I couldn't break out of that until I did right . But those five years , it's time that I'm never going to get back when I look at this , and the reason I do what I do and the reason why I'm starting this podcast is to lift that stigma . Right , it's okay to not be okay , and there are more and more resources out there , right , and so that's you know , myself being one of them now , and so you know I really have a strong belief and willpower to just help moms feel their best , and that started from me not knowing that they're , that supports were out there or not having the supports that I needed in the time that I needed them , you know . And so I want to dig a little bit deeper , because about a year and a half ago now , we were able to get a diagnosis for my oldest daughter . She has a rare genetic superpower , as we call it , called Weidmann Steiner syndrome , and a lot of what I went through , a lot of that exhaustion and that trauma in those earlier years , finally had answers when we got this diagnosis . But there was also feelings of relief with that , but also apprehension , because now it wasn't something that she was going to potentially grow out of this is now a lifelong journey , and that comes with some weighted feelings and weighted emotions around that .
Speaker 1Navigating the complex world of specialized care is a lot for a family . I call her my strong willed blessing because we deal with a lot of extra on the day to day . It is a superpower because she feels so deeply for people and she has these major big feelings that can result in outbursts at times and things that she can't control or understand . But I want to talk a little bit about that because I know we're not the only household that deals with this and I want people to know that there are resources out there , and so when we look at navigating the complex world of specialized care , the appointments can become almost like a full-time job at times . You have all of these extra specialists that you're dealing with . You're dealing with a ton of extra behavioral responsibilities and outbursts .
Speaker 1There's so many nuances to caregiving that I want to be able to help other moms facing similar struggles , and dads too . I don't want to leave the dads out , but definitely talk more to the moms , just with my own personal journey . So when we look at all of that and you have to document everything for specific specialists . There's all sorts of different therapies that we've had to do in terms of extra ultrasounds . We're still on a wait list for neuro and a sleep study . We've done vision therapy and occupational therapy .
Speaker 1You end up almost needing this to be your full-time job and so you become such a strong advocate for your child because they have a hard time advocating for themselves and you end up having to really dig deep and find this newfound strength within you to stand as a beacon of hope for your kids and yourself . And it's a lot , and I just if this is where your family is as well I just want you guys to know that you know there are a ton of resources out there and I know that it can feel completely overwhelming , but I hope I welcome conversations about this . If you are something that you're specifically looking for support with , let me know , because we have gone through the ringer in the last few months of having to document it all and navigate it , and you're dealing with all sorts of you know , even regressions , right , you think you're out of a certain stage , like you know eating behaviors or potty training or all sorts of you know things that you would expect maybe from a toddler , but as your kid is growing that you think you're kind of past that stage and you know then you're faced with regressions and other things like that . And so I just I know I fully understand the extra layer that comes with parenting a kid that has extra needs or is a stronghold blessing , because , like Lord knows , that is a whole , probably episode on its own coming out .
Speaker 1But I really wanted to just give you guys a little bit of insight as to who I am and what our background story is and what I have been able to move and grow through , and just share my testament to the power of resilience and self discovery . So , yeah , with that , if there are other moms out there that are feeling overwhelmed and unheard and alone , remember this you are not alone . You know . My journey proves that when you face in the face of chaos , there is immense strength within us . As the mom empowerment coach , I extend my hand to you , offering support and understanding and the tools to navigate your unique journey , and so , with that , I just want to leave you guys with these words I'm here for you , you're not alone , and together we can conquer the chaos one day at a time . So thank you for joining me on this very first episode of conquering chaos . Until next time , take care and remember that you are stronger than you think .