Hello and welcome to Conquering Chaos a mom's guide to self-care and sanity . I'm your host , Sydney Crow , and today's guest is Katie Collicker . Welcome , Katie , Hi . Thanks for having me . Thanks for being here . I'm so excited that you're able to tune in from Salt Lake City today . Tell us a little bit about yourself and what you have to share . You are a mom of five kids in five years , so that is a huge feat all in itself . Why don't you let the audience know a little bit more about ?
Speaker 2yourself . Yeah , so , like you said , I'm a mom of five and I'm a soccer coach . I'm a soccer mom like typical soccer mom . I also coach , I have a part-time job and then I also started my own youth soccer podcast . So that's kind of how we connected is . I have my own podcast as well , but I'm a very busy person . But I , yeah , I'm definitely a mom . That's amazing . Well , how old are your kids ? So my kids are 13 , 11 , 10 , and I have twins that are just trying to do a couple of skis .
Speaker 1That's amazing . So five kids under five ? Why don't we take us back to the beginning ? You were telling me that in the very beginning it was fairly isolating and you had some struggles mentally . So tell the audience about you know what that was like for you and how you overcame that .
Speaker 2Yeah , so it was definitely a struggle . The twins were a surprise Like they were a surprise in themselves and I had been told by my OB at my last pregnancy that my uterine lining had been thinning and so I could maybe have one more pregnancy . And so he said you know , we can either tie your tubes because I had to have C-section with all my kids . And he said , we can either tie your tubes now or you can hold off and then do it if you decide to have another baby , you know . And I was like , no , we'll wait , because we were kind of we had just had three kids , in about three and a half years , I think and so I was like , well , let's just wait . Maybe in a couple of years we'll have another kid . And then my daughter was born in the spring of 2013 and then my twins were born in the summer of 2000 .
Speaker 2And so all of it was kind of a whirlwind , because I knew that it was going to be my last pregnancy , I was having twins . It was a whole emotional rollercoaster . I was basically a deer in headlights from the moment I found out I was pregnant , I found out I was twins , and all the way until they were about a year old . It was just such a fog and it was a super big struggle . I had just started a new job that I quit because I was going to be having to take care of all these little kids . My son was going to be starting kindergarten , which I missed his first day of kindergarten because I was in the hospital with my twins and it was all in all just very emotional and a lot of stuff to process because it all happened at once . It was a new beginning for my oldest and it was kind of a closing door for me .
Speaker 2I'm the type of person that I don't necessarily like to be pregnant , but I enjoyed pregnancy . So it's really weird to say that I like being a mom , which is also really weird because I was the youngest and I was never around babies or kids and so when I became a mom and I was the only girl as well , so when I became a mom , it was really different for me than what I kind of was used to . It's really weird . I remember I was just thinking about the first time that I babysat and I had never changed a diaper before but I just kind of got volunteered to go babysit for somebody and I'm like I've never even been shown how to change a diaper . But then , you know , after I started babysitting , I finally figured . You know , I got finally got taught . I had to ask somebody . I think it was a neighbor in my neighborhood that I called over one day because while I was babysitting I'm like , hey , I need help . And so she's the one that showed me , like not even my own mom because she was working , but anyway .
Speaker 2So the whole emotional roller coaster of all the different emotions that I was experiencing was definitely a struggle and a trial , and I don't even think at the time I knew I was really processing it because it was so much , so fast . When my twins came home from the hospital after three weeks they were on oxygen , so we were having to do that . We really didn't go out a whole lot because they were just a struggle to take with us , and so I had basically three kids in car seats and two kids in boosters at the time , because I had a five year old , a three year old , a two year old and then my twins . So it was a lot like we were . I have pictures of us going places and we were like a circus , like if you have multiple kids and you go out in public with them , you're a spectacle . So that was kind of that was kind of how it was . You know , just taking them anywhere , lugging them around , it was .
Speaker 2It was definitely a struggle but we had a lot of help from family and I'm really grateful for that . They were a huge support to us some of our neighbors I had a really good friend of mine , a best friend growing up , since we were in diapers Basically . Her niece helped out a lot and babysat for us so we could have date nights and stuff , and so that was finally getting over them being babies and being able to go out and feel like we were human again was really nice because for about a year we were like in zombie mode , we weren't sleeping and my husband travels a lot for work . He's a soccer coach and so he travels a lot to different tournaments and things , and so that was also really difficult . At the times that he had to leave , my parents would help or his parents , and so it was . It was a lot , especially with the kids starting to get into school and being in preschool and having to be different places . It's it's a lot to be a mom .
Speaker 1It is . I mean , we definitely wear a lot of hats , right , you talked about having to drive them around places . We're cooking , we're cleaning , we're organizing . We've got all of these hats that we have to wear just to kind of keep the ball rolling in our home and for all of . And then when you compound that and you have seven lives that you're managing under one roof at a given time , it's that just creates that exponential weight load for you . And so that first year of survival mode , the mental toll that that took on you . Tell us a little bit more about that and what did you do to get out of that ?
Speaker 2So it was , honestly , I was in like a fog . It's a really weird state that I was in and my husband can attest to it , like I was , I mean , and he kind of was as well , but in his own respects . But I was basically just surviving , like eating , sleeping , like just getting through the day . And once we felt that we were in a comfortable place , that we could put them out in the world more or have people watch them , and we felt comfortable leaving them . Then we started . I feel like we started our lives again . We kind of restarted in a way and , like I said , my friend's niece she was a person that we felt comfortable leaving our kids with , to watch our kids , so that we could like just go to a movie or go to dinner and have that time away . It's very important to have that time , like we would try and do that . But , it again , it was really hard with how little they were and how much care they needed and how often they would eat and the schedule that they were on . With our other kids they weren't ever really on a schedule because when my husband would travel a lot of times I would go with him . But as they got older and one of my kids was an extremely difficult traveler or oldest , is like pro traveler , he's a little adult and he could travel all over the place . He's , he's great at it . Our second son was awful , and then our daughter also was only 15 months behind him . So it it got really difficult really fast and so we kind of stopped traveling . But we also , like I said , we didn't put them on schedules really , because if we ever traveled , we didn't want that to get to get disrupted , and I know there's a lot of people who love the schedule , and when we had our twins we had to stick to that schedule , otherwise we would not have survived , and so it was a lot different for us . I'm sticking to that schedule , but it was also really good . It was kind of a lifeline for us because we're like Kate , we have to do this and we have to do that , and , like in the hospital , they would give us like a schedule of or times like when you fed and when you changed and all that stuff , and I stuck to that for months after we left the hospital , just so that I could have a routine with them . Yeah , which was good . But then anyway , like I said , we .
Speaker 2We started feeling comfortable going out and you know I felt like we were kind of getting back into it .
Speaker 2And then I decided to get a gym membership that I felt comfortable with , leaving the kids there while I went and exercised , and so that was also another thing that I started doing was taking the self-care part into , because I started to not feel that great about myself .
Speaker 2I had always been a dancer and athlete and I was always in pretty good condition and physically , and after having all my kids so close together and kind of letting myself go drinking a lot of caffeine to stay awake in that first year of my twins , I really wasn't taking care of myself physically and which started to take a toll on me mentally , and so I decided I needed to do something about it .
Speaker 2And so , like I said , I got a gym membership that I felt comfortable with taking my kids there , that they would have a good experience , and so I started doing that a couple of times a week , which was definitely a great help as well was that exercise I had tried to go like . Just my neighborhood is gorgeous and has walking paths everywhere , and so I tried to do that , but it got to be a little bit too difficult , because the kids wanna run around and run away , and so I really needed to focus on myself and not necessarily be worrying about them , and so I did that , and that worked out really well . For me was finally getting back into that routine of taking care of myself as well .
Speaker 1And that's so important . Like so many moms and it happens almost across the board , right we bring this new baby home or baby's home in your case . Maybe you've got a couple others at home and then all of a sudden it's like somewhere along the line , it's like you've been in survival mode for so long that you almost forget what self-care looks like . You almost forget what your body needs or what your mind needs , and then it's this huge undertaking for many women to get back into that routine , right ? But we were kind of chatting before the episode started and it's so important to have that self-care piece so that your cup is like overflowing into those around you because you can't pour from an empty cup .
Speaker 1And you're gonna hear that cliche a lot on this podcast because we talk a lot about moms and how depleted we become . But there's a reason why they say put your oxygen mask on first when the plane is going down , because you really , physically , are unable to help anyone around you when you are unwell . So right , kudos to you for figuring out what you needed and making that happen for you and your family . Are there any specific tips around self-care or motherhood that you would like to share with the audience ?
Speaker 2I would say the biggest tip is don't judge yourself against other moms . That is the biggest , and I mean it seems broad , but it's very good . So definitely take that to heart because , again , everybody's journey is different , everybody's situation is different , everybody's beliefs are different , and so you can't judge yourself against other people and don't judge others as well . So , in turn , you don't want to be judged against what somebody else is doing and definitely don't judge others like support them
. Like there was a mom oh my gosh , I'm gonna start crying .
Speaker 2I took my kids to the grocery store one time and I was so overwhelmed Like I told you earlier , I was like basically a carnival walking around with all my kids and they would get super overwhelmed . But there was a lady in the store who was just like you're doing a great job , like your kids are happy and that's what matters , and it was kind of like thank you for saying that . I don't know who you are , but that was awesome , so thank you . So make sure you do that to people , like tell them you're doing a great job . No-transcript , because that was probably something I needed to hear , and it's definitely something that moms need to hear is that they're doing a good job , but you don't hear it all the time . So anyway , sorry , I started to tear up .
Speaker 2No , that's okay . I mean it was . It was definitely an emotional thing for her as a person to be able to say that versus other people who would be like , oh my gosh , why did she bring all of her kids to the grocery store and did it and it's like , well , because I had to , yeah , we need food on the table , yeah . And so it was like one of those things where I was like , are you going to watch my kids so I can go grocery shopping and are you going to do it for free , like you know it's ? It's one of those things where you know , when you take your kids to a restaurant and I know sometimes my kids don't behave 100% , but they're , they're kids , and so it's like , you know , this is kind of a treat for them and I'm sorry that maybe I'm ruining your date night or something , but I didn't want to cook tonight or something like we're taking , we're celebrating something . You don't know what's happening if you know somebody's taking their family out , and so don't don't be rude .
Speaker 1Totally , I love that .
Speaker 1And it is . It is a lot about building up this community . I mean , the female culture has been so competitive for so long . I mean our generation definitely was raised to almost be pitted against each other , right ? We had movies like Mean Girls and all of these things that just showed or exposed what culture was really like for women . And I think now that we're getting to a stage where we're adults and we have kids , we don't want our kids to be raised in that same type of culture about like this competitiveness . And so I think if you can be that lifeline for somebody at the grocery store or at a restaurant and just say like , hey , you're doing a great job , it just it goes so much deeper than that , because I mean , obviously that was a really emotional time for you and that probably just felt like a lifeline , like holy crap , I'm doing a really good job here and thank you for noticing the amount of effort that this is putting in or that I'm putting into this , and I think it just .
Speaker 1I had a similar situation this summer where , you know , my kids had had a long day , we had been traveling . I thought we would stop at this market and my kids were just not having it . So we were walking back to the car and everybody was upset and this lady pulled me aside and she was like I just want you to know that you're doing a great job and you know it's okay if they're fighting today . They probably love each other a lot and you know it won't be like this every single day and it just to have somebody , you know who I didn't know at all , who witnessed that you know I was doing the best that I could with what I had that day and it just it goes a long way for people . So kudos to you for saying that that's your piece of advice . I really appreciate that and I think it . It's so important for us to just rally together and build those villages that you know everybody talks about how it takes a village to raise a kid , even if that's some stranger at the grocery store , walking down the street at a market . I mean it really does go a long way to just get that pat on the back , because we're always in our heads feeling like we're we're never doing enough and motherhood can can really be trying in that aspect , because you think , like man , like I'm doing everything I can and it just never feels like enough . And so when you have somebody you know extend that lifeline or give you that pat on the back , it really does go far .
Speaker 1And I think in today's society where you know everything is on social media but it's just a snippet , like we're just getting a window . So when you talk about comparing yourself to other moms , like what you're seeing is only what's getting put out there . You don't know what's happening behind closed doors . You don't know if maybe that happy Christmas photo that she posted in front of the tree was the 10 seconds she got of peace with her family that day , and then it was just pure chaos behind the scenes after that picture , before that picture .
Speaker 1So I just I wanted to throw that out there on top of that , because it is so easy for us to feel down and out when we're using social media , you know , as a , as a window into what we're thinking other people's lives are like . So , yeah , well , if there's nothing else , katie , I just wanted to say thank you so much for being on the podcast . Thank you everybody for tuning in today to today's episodes , where we help you conquer the chaos one day at a time . I'm Sydney Crowe and we'll see you on the next episode .