Welcome back to Conquering Chaos a mom's guide to self-care and sanity . I'm your host , sydney Crowe , and today we have Ramona as our amazing guest . Now Ramona is an acclaimed fitness professional and personal empowerment coach . She has walked the talk , intentionally taking control of her life at a point when she felt directionless and disempowered . She left behind that familiar place of exhaustion and self-sabotage , transforming herself into a strong , confident leader that she is today . It's never too late to make that change Now . As the founder and CEO of Ramona K Coaching , ramona is passionate about helping others make that same profound difference in their lives . Your ultimate well-being is her priority , and the results are real and readily accessible . Certified in the Gentle Trauma Release Method , ramona compassionately guides you to heal any debilitating feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness holding you back from the vibrant , limitless life you deserve . You will reconnect with your truly amazing , authentic self and feel fabulous in your own body again . Wow , ramona , I am so glad that you're here today .
Speaker 2Thank you , I'm really happy to come and talk with you .
Speaker 1This is amazing . Now we were just having a little bit of conversation behind the scenes . Now we got connected because you are a mom of two . They're a little bit older now they're in their teen years but your oldest is spirited , as you called him . I would love for you to share with your listeners what that looked like for you and how that transformed into the business that you have today .
Speaker 2Yeah , there's so many ways that my path kind of collides in my growth . But so my oldest I recall even with my mom who's well-meaning and well-intended suggesting supplements to help him with his behavior . And when my youngest was born there were some more challenges with him , just not listening and the temper and the behavior and not wanting to follow along where other kids would follow along , even something like music lessons he went a complete opposite direction . And so when my youngest was a baby we went to this parenting class . We thought , okay , we're going to learn some positive parenting skills . And we sat there and listened to what people were saying and we went home and almost high-fived each other like we're doing great , our kid is not a problem at all . It was like once we heard what everyone else was doing . But it was challenging .
Speaker 2In the school system I found that that did not work with his nature and I was bumping up against teachers and teaching styles and sometimes him not being able to learn in the classroom . So I had to really intervene a lot and from kindergarten through grade five I had a lot of meetings with the principals . We had great relationships . I was always needing to advocate for my child and my husband . I would joke that he was like a 14-year-old girl at age five , like stomp his feet and you don't want me to be happy and hard time regulating his nervous system and so that was just challenging for me , with him being my first and budding heads with me and my personality and my weaknesses and the way I was parented . So I had to get a few resources heal and come to a place of more acceptance of who he was , to navigate that better .
Speaker 1Yeah , and I mean when you're dealing with that as your first . I am also in that same boat where my first is my spirited child . It is a less like there's a lot of lessons that have to be learned on the internal level , like they are very , very triggering , and so can you talk to the listeners a little bit about how those triggers came up for you and how you were able to turn that into becoming a trauma coach ?
Speaker 2Yeah , so that was a longer journey . So I started out as an entrepreneur , following my mother's footsteps , teaching people about herbal wellness and natural health , and it helped me actually a great deal with my spirited child , because he had other health concerns like allergies and respiratory issues , and I was able to support him to do tremendously better . But as my personal journey grew , I found it incredibly hard to work for other people and be a mom , and for me it really sucked Like I hated it and I started moving towards what lit me up more , which was fitness , and back in the day I was coaching women with a holistic weight loss program in fitness and I started to recognize how much the emotions were at play and for me too , like as I was parenting and navigating marriage and healing my relationship with myself and , I think , other women too , because I don't know if you've experienced this , but it can be very difficult to have good relationships with women and sometimes the mom groups do not feel supportive at all , especially if your child is not typical .
Speaker 1Yeah , 100% . I mean I shared with you kind of before this call where I would go out and my friends would look at me like I'd grown a second head . You know they'd be like oh that's , wow , that just seems like a lot , like they didn't have any supportive advice , they were just shocked , right .
Speaker 2Yeah , and what seemed on the surface like trying to help was judgment . Yeah , it was judgment . So as I moved through this journey , I eventually came to a tipping point when my dad passed away and I went through a really difficult time . It was difficult year and that just lit a fire under me to move forward . And then that's when I continued to grow and expand and during the pandemic I started to take more coaching training , because it's really important for me when I work with someone to feel like I'm able to have an impact and help women to move forward and not get stuck .
Speaker 2And I'm not into the superficial stuff . If it doesn't go deep , I'm not interested . Right ? Deep meaning lasting , right . It doesn't mean it can't be fun .
Speaker 2And this was a hard time too , like with the pandemic . My fitness studio was forced closed multiple times . There was so much that people were losing and struggling with in myself too , and I , as I was taking my life coaching certification , I connected with the professor for the Gentle Trauma Release Institute and this is when I became more aware of what trauma actually was , because most people might hear the word here and there and you assume it's only for this , this or that and that doesn't apply to you . And when I witnessed my life coaching clients and how I wasn't able to help them in certain areas to move forward not in a lasting way and when I learned that there was a way to move forward in a way that was consistent , effective , lasting and gentle , my whole body was lit up with a yes , yes , yes , yes .
Speaker 2This is for me , and you've probably noticed this too . But as you go through these processes , your own stuff comes to the surface and it almost gets right in your face . So my baggage was in my face , so much so I did work with my own coach during that time to heal the trauma that was affecting me the most . I think for me as a mom now it helps me to have greater self-acceptance of me , greater acceptance of my son , for who he is , to let go of the need to care what people think when they don't matter , to let go of the need to be understood or approved of or to seek approval , and to regulate my nervous system . So I'm not overly reactive because , as you know , it doesn't help .
Speaker 1I think that's every mom's goal is to be able to just have more patience so that you can respond to your kids and not just those major reactions . And so when it sounds like you were able to go in and do all of that deep work and I think a lot of coaches have a similar journey right , they have something where they start and then when they start doing the education , like you said , it brings everything up into your face and you're like , oh wait , I have all of this stuff that I have to deal with too , and so you are able to work through that and then use your own transformation , your own journey , to help empower other women which I think is beautiful and your kids at the same time , which is amazing , right , if we can just continually raise this next generation to have all of these things so that they don't have the baggage by the time they get to our age , then I think our whole world is going to be a lot better for it .
Speaker 2Yeah , even if we aim for less baggage , that's okay . Less baggage , like I still have guilt for how I have handled things in the past , but it doesn't help to stay there .
Speaker 1All I can do is go better and tell myself I did the best , what I could , with the resources and the awareness that I had at that time 100% and I think mom guilt is such I mean I don't want to use the word trauma , but it is it's very traumatic when you are dealing with that day in and day out . I think bringing these conversations to the forefront is going to help a lot of moms out there . So , since you brought it up , what are some of the tools that you use to help moms with the mom guilt ? Like what are maybe one or two things that you would say to a mom like you can implement this right here , right now to help navigate that moving forward .
Speaker 2I find it's helpful to step back , stop trying to prove your worthiness your presence has value , your motherhood has value or mineralisting your parenthood and questioning Is this legitimate guilt or illegitimate guilt ? And when I do work with clients that are healing from trauma , guilt and shame , which is a sense of unworthiness , are often where people get stuck and sometimes you may need some help at certain points . But this is where the self care and that self compassion I mean . If you were talking to a beloved friend , would you be judging like that , right ? If you were loving on your own child , would you accept them gracefully and support them ? And self compassion is a learned skill and so , with everything the good , bad , the ugly self compassion and that can allow you to make choices that serve you better and serve your child .
Speaker 1Those are really amazing and beautiful tips . Thank you for sharing that with the listeners . When you talk about revitalizing your life as a woman and a mom , what do you feel is , you know , the most needed for a woman to start implementing those things today ?
Speaker 2I find it's very valuable to cultivate your sense of worth , because if you're trying to achieve whether it's taking care of your body , taking care of nutrition , taking care of your relationships , your job , your personal goals underneath unconscious , if you do not feel worthy , you will not typically sustain those actions . They'll be brought about in a harried , frenzied way , all or nothing , or based on what is expected of you versus what your heart is driven to . So cultivating your sense of worth is very valuable . So that will be every aspect of your life . So where you're spending your time , who is having access to you , who you know who and what is affecting you ? Are you building a village of kindness and acceptance and compassion , or is your village kind of toxic ?
You got to think about that . Are you taking care of your body ? There is never going to be a time that you will not benefit from being strong , mobile and energized . So some aspect of physical care needs to be considered . It can be very realistic . You do not need to be a gem rack , you do not , do not need to be shredded , but this is going to change your state . So as soon as you change the way your body feels , your perspective can change right then .
Speaker 2So those are a couple things I would think about .
Speaker 1I love that and I can be a testament to that , because as soon as I got enough energy and motivation to stay consistent in the gym , my whole mental wellness , my whole way that I was able to show up , shifted because I was doing that physical work for my body and so I'm not shredded like you said , right , but it's just getting your body moving , even if it's just getting outside for a walk in the afternoon , right , getting a little bit of vitamin D on your face . So all of that is so benefit . Now you've also talked quite a bit about nervous system regulation . How do you feel that as the mom ? I think we're almost the center of the family , and not in a conceited way , but we are the heart that just kind of keeps everything moving and grooving . How important is it for the mom to kind of be the leading image , the leading person to getting that nervous system regulation , in your opinion ?
Speaker 2It's incredibly valuable . Without being consciously aware of that , we are co-regulating with our family members , our pets and all the people close to us . We are co-regulating with them . So if you're in a state of anxiety all the time , even if you're not speaking it to your child , they're picking that up . They are responding to your dysregulated nervous system and it doesn't mean that you're going to be walking around in bliss . That's not realistic . But self-care includes looking after your emotional , mental and physical well-being and learning tools to regulate your nervous system , building your village to support that and you are absolutely impacting your child just by those unspoken actions . But you'll be more present with your child if you feel okay , grounded .
Speaker 1Yeah , 100% . And again , I can share my own journey a little bit around that because it was so powerful to I realized nine , 10 years into my parenting journey this was a very recent thing for me to get my nervous system in check and , even though I wasn't really voicing it , there was a lot of dysregulation happening in our home . That it was just kind of like we'd feed off each other and I'd come into a situation and then my child would have an event and then I would try to top it . And not , it wasn't conscious , it was just everybody was like putting one layer onto the next and took a lot of time to peel those layers back , to get the house back into like a calm , regulated household . So last question if you were to give one piece of advice to the mums out there , what would that look like for 2024 ?
Speaker 2I would say cultivate that sense of self-trust , keep connecting to your body . Your body is where your wisdom is at , not your squirrel brain . Okay , so trust , trust , trust . Like just a mini story , like , for example , my child when he went into grade six in our community . In grade six you go into the high school system , so he's in their grade six through 12 , they're kind of segregated , but they are . It's a massive change . My son had the record for the most unfinished assignments in grade six the most unfinished . I'm working with the teachers and I'm in the teacher meeting and I start to break down and cry and I've got like the assistant principal suggesting that he needed special help and maybe someone to help read his tests out loud to him .
Speaker 2I knew this was not the problem , so I'm not in denial , I'm not trying to overlook . I knew this was not the problem , so I did not comply . I advocated , advocated , went along with it and I learned to not be so reactive with my child . I may not have my days , of course , but I learned to let go of worrying about making him fit a system that did not fit him . And you know he made it through the school system . He graduated . It was a challenge all the way through to stay consistent , but he graduated , did well , and he this spiritedness has also made him his own person . He is not a follower , he thinks for himself , and
you know . So this is where I would say just come back to trusting yourself Absolutely . Get advice , get support , you know , get mentorship , get whatever you need , but ultimately , when you sit with your body in a grounded state , you're going to find the wisdom coming out . And trust your wisdom .
Speaker 1That is beautiful and it's so important . I think , as women you know , growing up we were told to be good , be quiet , sit in a corner and like that kind of stuff , and it really shut off a lot of that intuition for a lot of women , and so being able to learn how to tap back into that and , you know , then , advocate for your kids is really important , and it is something , it's a skill , that I'm still developing , because for years I had turned that intuition off , and so thank you for being a voice of reason and inspiration for the listeners out there . I'm so grateful that you were able to be our guest today , and we will make sure that all of your links and everywhere for people to find you is in the show notes , and so thank you for tuning in listeners on today's episode where we help you conquer the chaos one day at a time .