Hey , hey there , mums , Welcome back to Conquering Chaos . A mom's guide to self-care and sanity . I'm your host , sydney Crow , and today it's just you and me , and we are gonna chat about something that has been on my mind Normalizing support for mums . So grab a cup of your favorite beverage you know , I've got my happy juice in hand find a comfy spot and let's dive into the nitty gritty of it all . First off , I want to discuss the cultural differences that mums face in Canada and the United States compared to other areas of the world , specifically South America . So I recently found out that in South America , having a helping hand like a nanny is basically the cultural norm . No judgment , just practical support for all of these mums . So whether you're a working mom or not , you have that extra helping hand . Furthermore , if you have multiple kids , you likely have multiple nannies . So meanwhile , up here in Canada and I know , in the States it's the same . It's this like unspoken rule that mums should be these like superheroes doing it all . But spoiler alert , we're not superheroes and that is okay .
Speaker 1My colleague in Bolivia actually just told me that when she was growing up in Bolivia , she had three nannies for her and her three siblings . So her mom worked , but sometimes she would go through periods where she wasn't working and they still kept the nannies . And guess what , no one judged her for that right . Like isn't that crazy . Whereas , like up here , it's almost like we're shamed if we can't do it all . We have to have the perfect house and we have to have the perfect meals made and these Pinterest worthy like spreads and also have the job and the career , because if you're not providing to the household , then what are you even doing with your life ? And I just think it's just this wild notion that we have to have , be and do it all . And I get it from a certain standpoint where you want to have both sides of the coin . You wanna be able to stay home with your kids and you wanna provide , like , all the things for them , and then you also wanna have your own thing in your career . And there's nothing saying that you can't do that . I think it's just this like mentality around this , like badge of honor that we have to just , oh , I don't know , it's just been on my mind a lot lately .
Speaker 1So , personally , like when I had my first daughter , we ran the numbers for me to go back to my job versus what it would cost us to put her in daycare . And you know , honestly , it was basically a wash . You know , I might've been a couple hundred bucks in the black if I'd gone back to work , but really that would have meant somebody else was raising my kid day to day and that was a choice that we made and I'm really grateful that we were able to make that choice for us . And I know that there's so many families that would love to have that choice and they don't have that same option . But , like , the cost of daycare in our town is astronomical and you have to basically get on the wait list for it the day that you find out that you're pregnant because there's such a shortage of space available for it . And I just think that this system needs an overhaul , right , and I think that that begins with changing this dynamic that we have to have this like have do be it all , like mentality that we have in Canada and the States and that doesn't even touch on maternity leave down in the States and that's like probably a whole other episode , because sometimes they don't get any maternity leave or they're expected to go back to work after two or three weeks , like . That's just you know . So I do feel really grateful for what we have up in Canada in terms of mat leave , but I think , just in North America as a whole , there needs to be this overhaul on the system , and I wish I had more of the answers on where that starts and how to do that . But you know , all I can do is start bringing these conversations to the forefront and bringing awareness around it , and so let's start talking about the mom struggles .
Speaker 1You know , in North America it's almost , like I said , this badge of honor that we have at I do it all and you know you're constantly asking people how are you , oh , I'm so busy , like really that , yeah , I think we're all busy , we all have full plates , but do we have to look at it of like , oh , I'm so busy , like no , I've made choices to fill my plate with what I have in it and I'm really grateful for what we have in it . So I think there just needs to be this like mindset shift around it , because everybody has a heavy load , right , and it's okay to admit sometimes that we need a bit of backup , or maybe we need to take a shortcut every now and then , right and I just like there's just this weird stigma around asking for help and I want to start kicking that to the curb . So One thing that comes to mind you know I'll get a little personal and a couple stories here is like sending kids to lunch , like school with these Pinterest worthy lunches and snacks and you know the big sale for school . And if you're that mom , like kudos to you If that's your jam and you love it , like amazing . I think that there's also just this like weight of this comparison around it , like oh , if that mom can do it , then I should be able to do it , and like no , like I'm just gonna say full stop there , like no exclamation point , you don't have to if that's not your jam , you know , I think it's it's great if it is like it's , they look phenomenal . But you know some Maybe four to six times a year , I get this urge to do those like fancy meal preps or bake something with the kids , but it's so few and far between . I'm more than likely that mom that like , if we have to bring stuff to school for something , that I'm buying it at the store and Putting it in my own Tupperware container . And you know , newsflash motherhood is not a competition and it's okay to take shortcuts sometimes . So Another story that comes to mind when I'm thinking of motherhood struggles , and maybe I'll leave this one with you , with a pro travel tip in there as well .
Speaker 1So we , recently we were traveling back from Mexico . I had earned a trip with work . We weren't planning on doing a lot of extras outside of the resort , so it like we just didn't really bring a ton of cash with us and on our way home we had to leave for the airport at like three or four in the morning . The kids slept on the shuttle most of the way to the airport . We didn't think to like pack food the night before from the buffet or anything . We're like , oh , we'll just grab something at the the airport . So we line up for Starbucks and get to the front of the line and the agents are like holding the ATM or the credit card machines up , trying to connect to the Wi-Fi signal . So we're in Cancun and the entire airport Wi-Fi goes down . That means no credit card machines .
Speaker 1So my oldest is like losing it a little bit . I'm not gonna lie . She was very upset , she was very hungry and , you know , starts basically screaming at the top of her lungs . What kind of parents can't feed their kids ? And I'm so embarrassed at this point , I'm not gonna lie . I totally felt like I was failing at motherhood . Luckily , the Wi-Fi crash did not last very long , and so we weren't able to get her bed and , you know , everything was fine in the end . So pro tip is to always have a little bit of cash on hand Normally we do . For some reason we didn't this go around but make sure you have it for the way back to , even if it's a short flight . You never know when those Wi-Fi machines are gonna go down .
Speaker 1But I felt so much mom shame in this moment , like I was like she's right , like what kind of mom can't feed her kids ? Like I did not plan for this , I did not plan appropriately . We're in a foreign country and like , instead of just like , potentially maybe asking somebody for help you know , five , 10 bucks each like borrow my kid . If soon as something like the wife I came back up , I could pay it forward and buy a gift card back for them or whatever that looked like . But I was just like I'm just going to go sit at the gate with my kid and we'll figure this out or we won't , and we'll get some food on the airplane , you know , but it sucked
.
Speaker 1And so I think that there's this thought that I'm going to throw out there , that maybe vulnerability should be our superpower . You know , asking for help does not mean that we're failing . And you know , granted , this was a unique situation where we're in a foreign country and the wifi goes down . But what if I had just , you know , put that aside and said , hey , like I'm really struggling here and my daughter's super hungry , this is in our regular MO Cause it didn't mean that I was failing , it just meant that I was human .
Speaker 1So I think we need to learn how to shake off these expectations and embrace the messy and really just like shout it from the rooftops that we don't need to do this alone , that it really is about building the village right Like , I think , especially in Canada from like everything's just become so removed . You know , you used to know all of the people on your street , you used to grow up playing in the neighborhood , and now it's just like , scheduled this and scheduled that . And I mean , we're fortunate that we live in a fairly small town , so we do know quite a few of our neighbors , but I think that that is not the norm anymore , and so I think we really do need to start building that village , and it doesn't necessarily need to be like your neighbor right beside you , but like who in your area can help support you with your kids and be in your village , cause I think it is . It's really , really important and it's a leading art , I think , in today's day and age . And so , before we wrap up today , I wanna leave you guys with some tips , like how can we start this conversation and really dive in to making this the new norm ? And so the first is you know , it's gonna involve opening up , it's gonna involve supporting each other and ditching the guilt . So tip number one is open up the conversation . You know , let's break the ice , let's start talking about the real stuff , and that's what this podcast is all about . Like , we're here to share the struggles , we're here to share the wins . Let's talk about those messy moments when we can open up and we create a safe space for everyone to feel heard and supported . It's just , it's going to create a ripple effect , ditching the super , super mum cape right . It's time to retire that . I know . Sometimes it feels really good when you can put it on and you've got like an awesome day and you're like man , I crushed today , I just crushed it . But on the days that you're not feeling that , it really isn't a balanced scale right . So we need to understand that we don't have to do it all . We can delegate some tasks . We have to learn how to say no when we need to and remember that it's you know , asking for help is a sign of strength , not weakness . It really does take a village and it is okay to lean on it .
Speaker 1Number three the virtual mum squad . So again , we are in a day and age where , like , we have so many people that we can connect without our fingertips and I'm so grateful that all of you are here like tuning in and listening to this . I also have a Facebook community where we do just that . So if you're loving the podcast and you want more content like this , the link will be in the show notes to join the free group . We're actually running a free Mama Mental Wellness webinar on Monday and we're gonna have a guest expert come in and do some breath work around that , so I'm super excited for that . You can expect to hear more from Jessica on the podcast at a later time because she's been one of my guests for a future episode . So really just excited about what we're doing inside that community . It's growing and it's just a safe place to come and , you know , just get some tips and if you wanna share , you know that's what it's there for . You just don't have to feel like you're doing this alone .
Speaker 1Number four is celebrate the wins . So it's really easy to celebrate when our wins feel big . But what about all of those small wins ? You know , did you manage to have a shower today ? Awesome , like high five to you . Did you get a few minutes of quiet time , like this bump ? Like let's go . Let's acknowledge every little victory , because being a mom is a 24-7 job . It is all day , every day , it doesn't stop . So every little moment of self-care counts , right . Honor those small wins .
Speaker 1Last but not least , extend some grace to yourself and others . You know , being kind to ourselves and each other is so important , right , when I think back to that airport incident , I really did . I had to give myself some grace . I was like I kind of did not plan appropriately for this . You know I could have been a little bit better less than learned . But also , my kids are alive , they're healthy , they're well . You know , nobody died in this situation , and so I had to learn how to give myself a little bit of grace . There , like every like , I said I was human , I made a mistake , it wasn't the end of the world .
So , yeah , and doing that for your fellow mums , you know we never know what kind of day somebody else is having . Maybe they're having a really crummy day , or it's a lot tougher than it should be , or a lot tougher than what you're going through . And you know it's just extending that olive branch , extending that grace , is so important . So we're all on this chaotic journey and none of us have it all figured out . So if we can just , you know , spread a little kindness , it goes a really long way . So that is a wrap on today's episode I hope you guys enjoyed . Remember that asking for help , it really isn't a sign for weakness , it's a sign of strength . And thank you so much for tuning into today's episode where we help you conquer the chaos , one day at a time . We'll see you next time .