Hello , hello everyone . Welcome to Conquering Chaos A Mom's Guide to Self-Care and Sanity . I'm your host , sydney Crow , and today we have Lina . She is an Ontario-based leadership coach . She is a mom of three kids . She's been married for 18 years . She is originally from Ukraine and her story is very powerful . She is a survivor of human trafficking and drug addiction . So welcome Lina , so great to have you here .
Speaker 2Thank you so much for having me .
Speaker 1I am very excited for the listeners to hear more about your story . You have such a big heart because you came onto this podcast and we've been chatting . The reason why you want to share your story is because you want to empower other survivors to not feel so alone , and I know that being a survivor has had such a huge impact on you being a mother . So why don't you tell the listeners your story and how that affects your mother motherhood ?
Speaker 2Yes , absolutely . First of all , I would have never imagined that after 20 years of silence , I would be standing on stage in front of hundreds of people and my story would be broadcasted all over social media . I have a story of guilt , shame and condemnation , but now I know it's a story of salvation , of overcoming adversity and thriving after trauma , and I do want to share that to help others , to give the hope that it is possible to have love and joy and peace and wholeness again after trauma . So I was born actually I was born in USSR and my country I was based in Ukraine , but that time , like we didn't have Ukraine , it was part of the Soviet Union . So when I was 11 , ukraine claimed independence , so the country started falling apart and that's what actually added to the discord that was in my family , because now the work payments started being late but they still charge the rent and the three kids and honestly now , being a wife and a mother for 18 years , I do understand it was no easy job to actually take care of three children without hot water Like literally . I have like goosebumps because I have so much compassion for my mother now , because I do understand how hard is , even like when you have wonderful relationship with your husband or when you still get the paycheck and have a food and diapers and formulas , because in that time not only both of them have to have a full-time job , then sometimes they didn't get paid , then they didn't have food , then there was no hot water , sometimes so electricity . So that was a huge stress and of course , when the husband and wife not on the same page , it's actually like explode , you know .
Speaker 2So I was 11 when it's all begun and I saw how fast my family life was deteriorating , first between them and then like it ended in really awful divorce . But before that they start looking for any means to cope . So they became like drinkers and then and alcoholics , and then they've lost their jobs and our house become like really dirty and messy and government turn off the electricity and hot water already permanently for outstanding bills and my home was infested with black mole , cockroaches and mice and we struggle in poverty trying to survive . I literally I was so hungry all the time I was practically starving . So my home was full of strangers because they brought like booze and drugs , but they brought food as well , so that was an opportunity for me to eat . So I was hanging around , so I became an easy target for those guys from very early age . I became an easy target for those guys from very early age . And no government , no government , no . My parents protected me from what to come .
Speaker 2I was abused and beaten and raped and when I thought things couldn't get any worse , one month before my 15th birthday , I woke up with extreme abdominal pain and I end up in the hospital scared and confused . They told me that I'm in labor . So I didn't know I was pregnant and I didn't know who her father was . And I had a baby and she passed away three months later from health complications . But I wasn't even able to take her home because she had a birth defect and they told me that she's not gonna survive . So I have to leave her at the hospital . But in order for the doctors to care for her , I had to give her my like . I have to give her my like , I have to give her my last name , my name , and I have to sign the papers refusing parental rights .
Speaker 2So like , honestly , guys in this wonderful country that I'm in right now , there , right away , would be police , social services . They would try to figure out what's going on what's happening . There was no one to support me through this trauma . So when I buried her I was 15 years old and I was already so broken and I've been drinking and smoking . But now , on top of it , I have and smoking , but now on top of it , I have such a severe depression because I believe this baby's life was on my like soul and conscious , because I kind of submit to my fate . But I was responsible for her life and now death , so I start looking for any . Anyway , I it you know what . I never really thought I gonna want to kill myself , but I thought if I don't wake up tomorrow , it's okay you know it's it like my life doesn't have no work , no value in this , in this time .
Speaker 2So I start looking for drugs and end up on heroin for next three years , because it was easy to be high than to feel abandoned and broken and hopeless and helpless . So then years went by , I didn't really pay attention and then one day I have this huge awakening and I saw people dying around me or who went to jail and some of my friends were getting shot and I , literally I woke up and I do believe , because I'm a woman of faith , I believe God spoke to me because I almost have this realization and I was so tired of this lifestyle and I want to get out . But there was no hopes or dreams for people like me . But I heard God speaking to me saying you've been made for more . And I almost , like you know , like drowning , like started grabbing that straw , like what is more , what ? What there is more to my life ?
Speaker 2And then I met this guy who was , who told me about this lady , who is like she had an opportunity and I have to meet her and that's what I'm looking for . So I was so excited . I'm like whoa , something's happening , something's good happening to me and she brought me to her house and she offered me fancy coffee and sweets and she was so wealthy and she was kind and compassionate and I was street junkie like nobody , treat me like a human for very long time . So she offered me a job no specifics , just a job and I agree because I was . Oh my goodness , maybe this is the opportunity somebody take a chance on me . So still , still , I'm on heavy drugs . I didn't remember the I report of how I got through customs , I'll never know . Just one morning I woke up hearing Muslim call to prayer , allahu Akbar , run out , so I realized I was in a foreign country . I realized I was in a foreign country , so it took me a while to figure out that this nice , rich-looking lady sold me into human trafficking .
Speaker 1Wow , yeah , and you knew right away .
Speaker 2Yeah , no , you know what ? It's so interesting that when this is happening and actually that's what I'm advocating now , right now , because , like , when we think about human trafficking , we think about that movie taken you know when it's physical force , when it's so much discord like screaming and this , and that most of the time people actually can be trafficked without even leaving the country . That's what happened to me , that they actually trafficked me out of my country .
Speaker 2Their people can be trafficked at home you know , because mostly like it's involved family and friends , and look how this woman actually play on the basic human needs to be , to be cared for , to be loved . They actually clean me , give me clean clothes , like it's so basic . And I was like , okay , okay , I'm yours forever , you want ? Because alternative was for me death or or jail and and actually by default , because they took me out of my environment . I actually got withdrawals from heroin and I recover and I always say , oh , this is my body . I was like , no , it's not my body . I do believe God had a purpose for me because I should be like dead million times over . So it's really powerful , yeah . And then actually in the brothel in Israel , I met one of my bodyguard who shared the gospel with me , the good news of God's love , and that's what actually triggered me to get out from this situation . And honestly , guys , you will never leave this situation alive unless you have been rescued . Never leave this situation alive unless you have been rescued . But , by the grace of God , they let me go after almost like two years of being there and I came home because I thought I would start a new life , you know , because I save up a little bit of money . But my other bodyguard stole all my possession and my trustworthy aunt stole all my money . So I was , I came to zero again and I felt so betrayed you know , because those people like I have already like problem to trusting people , this is was like closest people to my heart and and honestly , I didn't know what to do . So I just went to buy my first dose and I was on heroin again .
And then I become right hand of number one drug dealer in my city , because then I had unlimited amount of drugs , unlimited amount of money , unlimited amount of drugs , unlimited amount of money , unlimited amount of influence . And I kid you not , in that moment I felt like God speaking to me again that you've been made for more . At that time I was already using like those of five people so I could easy just kill myself , just overdose . So this time I didn't know what to do . So I get off from heroin again by myself .
Speaker 2And second time I sold myself into trafficking willingly , because that's all I knew and that was my ticket to get out from that city . This time they brought me to Canada . Out from that city , this time they brought me to Canada , but here in Canada first time . I was like over like 20 years old , around 25 , when I first time heard about human rights . I'm like what , what do you mean ? Human rights ? What ? The what do you mean ? Body is sacred , what do you mean ? They cannot do this .
Speaker 2And I actually started going to school to learn English . And another thing that my traffickers , for all the girls that were coming in Canada , they start getting them into getting documents and stuff because people been reported or deported before . So they , you know , they want the investment to be protected . And I figure out I'm learning English , I have rights and I have documents . So I just run away . I just took that chance , thinking that something happened . The police will protect me and government know that I'm here . Because what happened in Israel ? I actually skipped that part In Israel . When I was in Egypt . They forced us to crawl the border in Israel illegally , so I didn't have my documents when I was in Israel .
Speaker 2So this time I'm thinking , wow , why it happened to me and why I was able to actually run away , because they assume that I am slave and I'm broken , because at that point I would agree with everything you know , because that was my lot . I believed . And then something came as an opportunity , but they promised to kill me , kill my family , kill everything I touched . So for the next 10 years I had this huge fear of being recognized , you know , and that brought another layer of the anxiety and like depressions and stuff like that . But another thing in this what happened is that I was clean from drugs and I went so bad to start with this clean slate , with people don't know who I am , and I had an opportunity to go to government created cosmetology course , which is fantastic . They help newcomers to get a trade and that's why I thought like I don't know how to do anything , so I need to figure out how to make money in a different way . So I finished one year course and while I was at school , the government actually helped me to get like .
Speaker 2I was on welfare , I think , like for six months , and then I got my first job and , trust me , I hated working for like minimum wage and stay eight hours and being abused by your superiors to clean and like it was . It was terrible . It was the worst work that I ever had because I had thousands went through my hands like sand and but I was so determined to get through and then I finished my school , I got my hairstylist license . I was a hairstylist for almost 16 years and then I two of those I actually opened my own business because that was my dream and I had my hair salon .
Speaker 2But before that , when I went to school , I had like these huge plans for me because I assumed that if you get medals and trophies and recognition , then you're going to be worthy . Trophies and recognition , then you're gonna be worthy , your life is gonna be valuable because you are this human being , that kind of what is like worthy to take up the space . Because , like you know , my identity like was broken . I had , like I didn't know who I was and especially , at least like there there was like , oh , I know I'm alcoholic , prostitute , drug addict . That was my identity . And then there was the time then , like I was not that anymore . So I'm going to school , I start learning driving . I went to taekwondo school , I got my black belt . You know I'm going to competition . So like it's completely different life . But I still don't know who I am . I still have to figure out the rules of this land . I still have to figure out how you behave , how you dress , how you speak during the day .
Speaker 2You know how you have the normal conversation with the peers or something like that . So in that time all I was thinking I'm going to build my empire , I'm just going to build the best health , the best wealth , the best myself . I'm going to achieve . Best myself I gonna achieve . And literally every time I get where I want to be , like I was like so empty and nothing was like like nothing was changing me internally . Yes , externally you can see that that was like huge change , but I still inside , I was so lonely and rude and obnoxious and after living that life I couldn't connect with anyone .
Speaker 1Yeah , you're just like seeking all of that validation outwards right , exactly , but still feeling empty on the inside , which is absolutely so
. How did you switch out of that ? Like , how did you meet your husband ? How did you you have like , become a mom , like all of it ? I mean , you've been through an incredible journey . A lot of you know ups and downs and human trafficking twice and drug addiction twice , and you were on this like vicious cycle . How did you break out of that ?
Speaker 2Absolutely Well , I did not plan on having any serious relationships . I was thinking me myself and I . And then I met this girl who , at the hair salon when , where I was doing the co-op , and she ended up being my first best friend best friend and it was so amazing that she loved me , like she loved me as a friend , with all the crazy that I was like with all this like loudness , obnoxiousness , and she just accept me and it was such a beautiful friendship and she started teaching me about some stuff you know , and she's just an amazing human being . And one time when we were out oh , and another thing about this amazing human being like , compared to me , she always wanted to have relationships , she always wanted to be a wife , she always wanted to have relationships , she always wanted to be a wife , she always wanted to have kids . And I never told her who I am or who I was , because now people see that new persona that I created .
Speaker 2So , I'm almost like acting this human . Yeah , I said to her like , honestly , we're having like living time of our lives . We are free , we have amazing work , we can go to this amazing place to play pool , to hang out . I love your company . Like . What kind of like lame dreams is this , you know , husband ? Like they all cheat , they all lie , it's like mess . Why do we need this ? Because my family is fall apart . Everything that I saw in the brothel , seeing how the men coming to me right after they got married to their brides , you know like it's . It's . It's really breaks the you know belief in what marriage yeah , you didn't believe in the institution anymore , absolutely .
Speaker 2And then . But you know what it's funny though , because from all of my family , my grandparents have been married for 52 years Wow , and one time , on day 40 , I believe , anniversary I saw like they being like so cute to each other , you know , like , and and I'm like that's kind of like really like not gross , like you know , but but I'm like it's the same person for like 40 years , like , and he wasn't perfect either , like either of them wasn't perfect . And my grandma said one day you will fall in love and the day is going to be flying so fast . And the months and the years , I'm like , yeah , okay , and then so still , I was always pondering how the heck they live together for 52 years , like it was something and they didn't have faith .
Speaker 2There was no god , like nothing . It was like straight up commitment to each other . And when both of them died , they died like three months apart , because my , my grandpa was like heartbroken and he's like she's my soulmate , I'm not gonna be without her . So I'm like , wow , that was kind of image of the most true love that I ever saw , and somewhere deep inside I was kind of like not envy , but longing for that you know , it's kind of like like accepting you , like with all the faults , and still stick by you .
Speaker 2But then I find this friend and it was kind of enough for me because up to this point she's like there's 20 years of like almost discord , you know , yeah . So I kind of was like mocking her every time and then one day , in the same place when we hang out with her , I see this boy and we start talking and it was funny and he's like and cute and tall and handsome and all that stuff . But then we were leaving , like our like he's saying is like a club or not the club , the bar . But it's not the bar , it was a little bit more fancy People wearing suit and tie and all this stuff .
Speaker 2Okay , so he usually not come into places like that , but he was down the street with his bosses and that's where they came and this was his first time and we met and then me and my friends were going into the car to go somewhere else . He literally squeezed into that car and the people look at him and they're like , who is this ? And he goes , I'm with her . And I said to them well , I guess he's with me .
Speaker 2So he was so bold and I like that and we hang out the whole night and it was fun and he brought me home in the taxi and I thought if he's gonna ask for my number , I give him my number . And it's funny that at my wedding my friend Jenny , who was my best girlfriend , yeah goes .
Speaker 2Oh my gosh , when you met your husband , you fell in love with him like so fast and hard . But honestly , guys , in my head I was at that time I didn't know God , but I said like , if I ever fall in love , this is my least and the least of my . Would like check marks , what this person has to have , yeah all the qualities impossible to reach .
Speaker 2And it's been 18 years , me and my husband together this . Actually , this year it's gonna be 19 years . And I said to him , dude , like I would be an idiot to pass you by because you are above and beyond that list and it's just like I'm way too smart for that . And it's been a journey and he's not perfect . Guys , don't you think like ?
Speaker 2oh my gosh he's like an angel in disguise and he saved her . No , trust me , he's not perfect and he has his own trauma and we have to learn how to deal with ourselves and together . And we did tons of like , therapy , counseling , and we still doing this . You know , it's not like , oh , that was perfect marriage . And it's funny because just recently I said to him wow , like you must be like loving me so much to go through all the crazy that I have to learn for next 18 years . And he said , no , I probably love you 20% and the rest of it .
Speaker 2I was committed . I was committed to marriage and I was committed to our children and I was committed to the union . You know , yeah , and it's so , or unit . And it was so interesting because I do believe that's what my parents or grandparents living as well , because they were committed . And I do believe , because he's man of faith too , he was committed too and because there was like in his his mind . He saw people getting divorced . He saw people like how , the children being abandoned and he's like I'm not gonna leave my kids and this is his core value for himself , you know .
Speaker 2But when we met , we did , we did for each other . Right away . I told him you cannot sleep anywhere else , you cannot swear , you cannot beat me , you cannot drink , we cannot smoke in the house , I literally that's everything that what I need . He's like okay , sure , I'm like , I need like eating at the table . So we've been eating together with our kids for like since they were born . But it was easy for him because that's what his family did anyway .
Speaker 1So he's like sure , yeah , so most of this stuff , it was pretty , pretty easy for him yeah , and I think it's amazing when you can find a partner that , like , mirrors your core values , right ? I mean , like you said , marriage is a choice every single day and that's something that my husband and I say , like we have been together for 19 years as well . This year , married for going on 14 of those . I think , yeah , 14 of those this year , but we grew up together , right . So there was a lot of things that we had to learn together , and I have faults and he has faults , and we've done countless rounds of therapy and counseling . And I have faults and he has faults and we've done countless rounds of therapy and counseling .
Speaker 1And I mean , I think it's really important to have somebody that you can trust in your back pocket when things get a little bumpy , that you can go and work through with them . But marriage is a choice every single day and , like you said , neither one of us are perfect either , but we do the work , we put it in , and sometimes there's more love in the marriage and sometimes it's more commitment in the marriage , and I think that that's a really powerful thing when you have been together with somebody for so long and gone through everything that you've gone through in your life , right Like it is . Definitely you are going to have bad days where those trauma you know triggers flare up for you , right , and so being able to have somebody that can support you through that and understand that and still remain committed above all , is a beautiful thing .
Speaker 2Okay , I have to tell you about this because there was no support for the trauma , no support for the trauma , and I sometimes I was thinking , okay , so what happened is when we are , when we were dating , I was like , oh , it's kind of like it's the flame and like it's temporary . But because the way he was treating me , I'm like , oh my , I want this in my life because I don't know how he saw in me who I can be rather than who I was , and I do believe that's how God sees me too . He sees who I'm becoming rather than who I am at this moment and who I can be . But it's interesting , though , that when we were dating , I didn't tell him anything . I thought like it's temporary . But when we moved in together and I got pregnant and then he proposed and I'm thinking you know what , I want to tell you who I am , because I didn't want him to feel that I , like , I didn't feel I was worthy of marriage or relationship , so I didn't want him to feel that I tricked him into this marriage or anything like that . So I wrote him six page letter and I give it to him , but he never read it . He said it's between you and God , I love you for who you are now . And it's funny because he says like now he said I don't remember that . I'm like isn't that funny ? I do believe God did this for me because I was so I felt unworthy of of these relationships . But now , like 18 years later , I'm thinking like I wish he could breathe it and I wish like he would make that choice , like you know , knowing who I am , because then he , if he would stay , he would support me through this year . So you know what I mean . Yeah , but I was so proud and so scared to tell him later on because , like then we have three kids , then we have businesses and home , so it's getting more difficult and difficult and I stay in the fact that I'm like , okay , he didn't want to know and I have to honor that and I have to let it go and I buried that .
But the trauma doesn't stay buried . Trauma will like come up anytime . Oh , you're the bad mother . You know , especially imposter syndrome . I should be like that million time over . Some women like plan and dream about the children .
Speaker 2Now , like two years ago I was like in a brothel on drugs , thinking I'm gonna die . Now I'm a wife and a mother and a housekeeper and I'm I was like , oh my gosh , like it was so hard and plus I was so alone I didn't know how to drive . I didn't speak English like that . Well , I just finished my school , I got my license and then I got like really overwhelmed with the hormones . I did have severe blood loss after delivering the baby , so I and they discharged me without any health plan or any recovery plan .
Speaker 2But I was a newcomer and his family live in US , so I was completely alone . There was no one advocating for me or my health . He was very young and he's like okay , now I have a family , go to work . So he's like going to work , try to provide , but I think like coping with the fact like we just start hanging out and want to have fun and now we're pregnant and have home Like .
Speaker 2So everything like was so fast and so hard and I had a postpartum that I literally deal by myself .
Speaker 2No doctor actually diagnosed me and , it's interesting , I had the postpartum twice and you know how I find out 10 years later when I come out from it by myself .
Speaker 2Through the TV I was listening to some movie star and I'm thinking like what the heck is this ? And she was talking about the problems after having the baby . That time we didn't talk about trauma , we didn't talk about the postpartum , we didn't talk about all these changes that emotionally we have and like , honestly , I'm so grateful right now that everything is in the open . We're talking about the trauma and imposter syndrome and abuse , because everything that was happening to us through our lifetime it's imprinting on us and it's coming out sometimes in the random times and for me it was like through anger . And he's like what your mother didn't teach you how to sweep the floor and instead of saying no , she didn't , because she's like , was like alcoholic , messed up , like , and she left the family and we were left to our own devices and stuff like that . I wouldn't say that , I would just lash out because I thought he said you're useless mother yeah you're useless , you're not worthy so .
Speaker 2I have to fight , to be like worthy , to keep me around . And then I was striving to like get the business drive to this like it was so hard , and my husband would like say , why wouldn't you just be staying home , mom ? And for me it's like almost like alarm goes , like just do nothing , he won't you to submit he to him , like you know , because then you're going to be nothing . Like it took me so long to embrace the fact that he worked so hard to take care of us so I can just take time and take care of myself and the baby . Nobody was talking about self-care either , for mother .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean , it's so important . I mean my kids are 10 and 8 now and I went through , you know , similar things where I felt so alone , like I was so frustrated . I was not like I I joke a little bit because I say , you know , I got to a point where I wanted a refund on adulting and I was like this isn't what I signed up for , Like let's go . And you know , I I honestly it was more out of fear than anything , Cause I thought that if I had actually gone to my doctor or my husband or you know one or anybody in my support system and actually told them what I was , thinking that they would take my kids away , that they would be like oh , she's not a fit mother , she's like .
Speaker 1So I think it's super important to bring these conversations to the forefront so that moms feel more empowered to speak their truth and really get the support that they need , whether that is going to their doctor and potentially needing a pharmaceutical or finding holistic solutions , which has been the real game changer for myself not having to pop pills every day , being able to find ways to holistically support my health and my nutrition and my mental wellness , because that's where things can really pivot right when you have a clearer head and a clearer mind and more patience . At the end of the day , then you know your kids have used up . That's where the real transformation starts to happen , because you're not feeling just so depleted from the second you open your eyes in the morning , like there were days where I'd open my eyes and just be like don't want to do it , like I'm just gonna roll over and hide under my covers and hope the kids just stay asleep .
Speaker 2I literally have like sorry to interrupt you , I have days that I don't remember like literally . I don't remember like days , weeks , I just was doing stuff on autopilot and you brought up the holistic approach . Yes , you know what ladies ask for help , ask to go sleep , ask to take care of your baby or the kids so you can shower . Trust me , like we all think like , oh , maybe I need like days at the spa . Trust me , when you have kids and you bathe and you brush your teeth and you blow dry your hair , you're going to feel like a million bucks and it starts with just sleep , eat , exercise . If you can nail that . It took me like , honestly , no , I don't know ,
probably . I told my husband last fall , so it was like almost like 17 , 16 years , when I said to him I feel like myself , I finally feel like myself , like all my hormones kind of like stabilize my mental health , my physical health . But through all those times I was looking for something and I was , oh , if I go sleep earlier , that means I can wake up and I feel a little bit more fresh , you know , or I can eat better , because when I had my twins , so like , first I have a baby , then I have two babies at once . So I'm like okay , so now , like challenge after challenge , and my husband would call and he's like did you eat ? And I say yes , because I literally sometimes forget to eat and then I eat so much that I want to throw up . And so he start checking on me . I say yes , and he said what was it ? I say I don't know , it was cold , it wasn't good and it was dripping . And I said I don't know it was cold , it wasn't good and it was dripping . And yeah , like I did not enjoy it .
Speaker 2I think this part is so important . We always think , oh , like my kids have like an amazing schedule and they eat like organic food and all that stuff , and I always thought I have to do this for them , I have to do this for them stuff , and I always thought I have to do this for them , I have to do this for them . And this is the biggest lie , ladies . We can believe that to taking care of ourself , it's not doing it for them Because , honestly , when you're taking care of yourself , you can show up differently , you can love them in a different way . It's not like you don't love them , but you can be more for them and take care of them and be patient and be kind all of these things that you are . But you cannot give like when you're empty . And it's so important , especially for , like , brand new moms . You know we have this amazing , I don't know thing in our hearts to serve this baby . But you have to remember just taking care of yourself is as important for that baby as you feeding that baby .
Speaker 2So ask for help and nobody's going to think you're weak . People want to help you . You just need to reach out and say you know what I need help and nobody's going to think you're weak . People want to help you . You just need to reach out and say you know what I need help . People can bring your food and honestly tell them what you need . Now , like on the second , when I got my twins and I already was part of the church , people were asking , like , what do you need ? And before I was like , oh , I have to do everything myself , like I'm not ashamed , I can take care of it , like I'll do it . And then I was falling apart . I'm like I cannot do it and I'm like I need food . And they just stuck out my fridge and I'm eating somebody's food . I'm thinking this is amazing . You know I have no time , no energy to cook this , but people gonna love you . You just need to humble yourself and it's not like make you weak in any shape or form . People want to help you .
Speaker 1Just let them 100% , and I think that's the biggest thing is like there's this stigma around women where we have to be do and have it all right . We can have the career and we can have the kids , and we have to have the perfect home and we have to do all of these things and I don't know where this came from or why this has like this is still sticking around . I mean , it's 2024 and we all put the same pressure . I've talked to countless moms and every single one of them has the same complex where it's like a sign of weakness if we ask for help or it's a sign of like being a bad mother if we can't do the things that you know sally down the street was able to do , but we don't know how much help or support that sally down the street has . I mean , I was also talking to one of my my colleagues who lives in South America and she was saying that in South America it's actually strange if you don't have a nanny . So in a different culture where you have , you know , maybe you have the career and you do all of these things , but a lot of them are still stay at home moms and they still have a nanny right , I know it's the same in Dominican Republic , where you have women that you know are going to work , and I'll say that in the more like affluent towns , but it's , it's you're , you're a mom , but you still have all of this support .
Speaker 1And here in North America it's like , oh well , aren't you a stay at home mom ? Oh , you need a nanny for that . Oh , you need this , like all of these things . And there's this stigma around it and it's like , no , it just takes a village to raise a kid . It doesn't matter where they're raised , it still takes the village . And so , you know , ask for the help so that you can get the shower and you can have the meals and you can do all the things . Because you know , at the end of the day , like you said , if , if you're not taking care of yourself , you're not showing up as the best mom for your kids , and it's it's a really powerful thing to be able to humble yourself enough to actually ask for the things that you need . And so I think that's a really important lesson that you've been able to teach the listeners . Is there any last piece of advice that you'd like to share with the women or the listeners out there ?
Speaker 2Yes , absolutely . Because I was thinking my promise was impacting and my marriage and my relationship . And you know why ? Because it was a secret for 20 years and then God led me to actually write my spiritual autobiography and I'm telling you guys , this one changed my life . Because you need to speak into the darkness , into the secrets , and sometimes I'm not telling you like to write a book and go on podcast and tv , but write . Write everything , like if something triggers you , that you have really bad behavior around , for example , like a anger , resentment or something triggers you , look into it . It's trauma , it's some childhood or like some trauma lingering around . Maybe you know about it , maybe you don't know . If you don't have a therapist , if you don't have anyone to share with , write this down .
Speaker 2I do believe that journaling and just taking this out of yourself it's going to help you actually see , especially like from the new perspective . Where are you now ? Because this is all drama , all past . You know it just lingering . So you have to deal with that , no matter how , it's not gonna disappear , it's not gonna heal , and actually one of my friends saying this phrase that I'm , I think , like I gonna bore it . She said you have to feel it , to heal it . So you have to go through it , no matter how . You cannot pretend that it's not there . You cannot camouflage . Maybe , maybe for a time , because I thought like I give my life to Christ , all my sins are forgiven and I live in freedom and I am . But something happened and it derails me and I'm on my knees again . I'm like why this is happening and I have to look and then there's like such a darkness .
Speaker 2Of course it have to be dealt with . So writing a journal , and then you know if you actually do need help professional help or or somebody in your family , your friends . Just choose that person wisely and trust them . Trust them to share or give them that journal , because sometimes shame actually does not allow us to speak , because I know lots of survivors like hiding it because it's so hard to actually tell the people about the past . So give them that journal , you know . But if you really need help , if you need to look into like some professionals and like there's so many things are available to you .
Speaker 2You are not alone . This is not happening to you . Only that's a crazy life that I was believing that people gonna stone me , shame me for for who I am , but I kid you not , guys . I've been speaking and sharing my story for more than three years and all I have is love , people just so kind and so compassionate . You know why ? Because we all have trauma , maybe like you never been like abused , raped and on drugs and alcoholic .
Speaker 2But you know what ? Do you know that neglect it's still gonna affect you negatively , like if your parents like was busy parents and working , so you still have that pain .
So when people have pain , they understand pain . So so do not hide . You are not alone , you are loved , you are significant and your life is valuable and one day , like , just have hope , everything's going to change and everything happened for a reason and it's going to help you become a better person . All your pain has purpose and that's what I'm grateful for today because , honestly , it built my character , it built my identity , it built my path and purpose . Everything comes from that pain , so that's what I want to share .
Speaker 1Well , thank you so much , Lena . What a beautiful message , and thank you for being here to help empower other survivors and just other moms in general , to help make them feel less alone . Your story is beautiful and I'm so excited that you were able to come on and share with us today . Thank you for tuning into today's episode where we help you conquer the chaos , one day at a time .