Welcome back to this episode of Conquering Chaos a mom's guide to self-care and sanity . I'm your host , sydney Crow , and today we have Keri Conrad from Detroit . Keri is also known as Mama Bear Prepared . She is a self-defense expert and really specializes in physical safety in the home for moms and kids . Welcome , keri , thanks for having me . I'm so happy to be here . I'm so happy too . So we've been having a little bit of a discussion leading into this podcast and I'm very intrigued to hear all that you have to say . So why don't you let the listeners know where this came from ? Because you have a very , very strong background in self-defense and various modalities and where this path led you . Because you also have a daughter who's a strong , willed blessing , and you've always felt qualified and capable in raising her . But you told me that you often questioned how other moms do it . So fill us in .
Speaker 2I mean I'll try and make it like brief , right . So I was forced into martial arts by loving parents because they wanted me to be safe , because that's what parents do . I stuck with it . It turned out I did a lot of it . I did I've done a lot of martial arts . I taught martial arts . I still teach martial arts and then it evolved into it being my passion . I've always done it and it ended up being turning into my profession .
Speaker 2When I started teaching self-defense because what other people my friends were showing me they learned in self-defense class I was horrified . So I started teaching self-defense and then , in like a decade of teaching self-defense , I'm listening to what the trauma that people actually have , that women actually have , like hey , how do I defend myself against my kid ? How do I keep myself safe and my other children safe ? And , like you said , like we talked about before , I have a daughter that has a slew of diagnosis codes and I try to be very careful about . I really don't want to tell her story because she's a person , and a fantastic person at that , but like for my challenges . So all of these years of like martial arts and then getting into violence prevention and then learning de-escalation , like I'm qualified in all of this stuff . I have this child that I am like using all of my skills on , you know . I mean all the way down to like restraining . I'm like on the floor in public restraining a kid so she doesn't hurt herself or other people , and I'm thinking like , how do other people do this ? Because I know exactly what to do , I know what's too much , I know what's gentle , I know I have all these years of experience learning this , so I know .
Speaker 2And it got to the point where all the help that we sought really wasn't helpful and I learned how unqualified a lot of these therapists were . And it was just a journey . It was a journey . Eventually we did find good therapists but , like I said , I learned a lot . And then I just kept coming into other contact with other moms who also were . It's like because you go to a therapist and they go , oh , they blame the parent . If you just did it right , if you followed followed my instruction , this wouldn't happen . Oh , it's your relationship with your partner . That's the reason why everything's going wrong . I mean they just you know and they mean well , and they're teaching what they know . But I can tell you that I have the privilege of helping moms without a supportive partner with like if everything's wrong , you can still do well . You can keep yourself and your children safe and you can help them do well even if all their diagnosis codes say they can't .
Speaker 1That's really powerful because I mean there are a lot of boxes , I guess , out there that they want kids to fit into , and when you have diagnosis or you have an extra layer of needs , it like I don't want to say it complicates things , but it adds that extra layer that a lot of people don't have the tools to navigate and they might be seeking what they think is the right tool , aka therapy , and not finding the right therapist .
Speaker 1And you know , maybe they live in a small town where their resources are very limited . Like that happens a lot . Or like in my case where we spent nine years kind of working through the system a little bit , getting little pieces of information , but it wasn't until a doctor tried to close out our file that they were like , oh , maybe we could do one more test and that's where it came back positive . Like you know , there's just all of these loopholes and cracks that people tend to slip through , and so having somebody like you that can you know , has lived through it , knows all of the training , keeps people safe . What would you say your biggest tips are for families that might be struggling right now to either find the right resources or navigate this kind of on their own until they can find the right resources on their own until they can find the right resources .
Speaker 2Well , I'm going to need to give you a link , because I have a blog article that helps to qualify your help because , like I , I'm probably not the only mom that knows this but you go in , you do the intake and you give them all your stuff , everything that you're vulnerable and you're struggling with and where you're failing , and you give it to them , and then it's not a good fit or and it's just like that . That that is . I don't know how many times you've done that . I've done that a lot and it's just so . I have a blog article that I will share . Okay , that's really helpful . I can't say this enough . Moms are more equipped than they give themselves credit . We are equipped . I don't care what , I don't care what kind of specialist you're going to see , if they give you input , that just does not feel right . It's probably because it's not .
Speaker 1It's probably because it's not .
Speaker 2Yeah , you know , and I don't want to play partner against partner , but moms know what their kids need . We just , we just do . The hard part is being willing to know what our actual instinct is , because we get diluted with all the things that people tell us . We doubt ourselves . We listen to all these podcasts which some of which are great , some of which are you know what I mean Like we don't qualify the information that we're getting , so we're just filled with all this stuff Like you're bad , you're wrong , you know , like do what you're told because you don't know better . And it's like it's hard not to buy into that . Yeah , but we really do deep down . We really do know what our kids need . And what I loved about your content is seeing like the connection based . Let me tell you , connected people don't hurt people .
Speaker 1Yes , yeah , I wholeheartedly agree with that statement .
Speaker 2So , no matter what connection and people like , oh , you can't , don't reward that behavior . Love is not a reward , it's a basic human need . By the way , people with met needs perform better , including mom , yes , yeah .
Speaker 1So let's touch on that , because I know that you feel very strongly about making sure that your cup is full right , so that you can pour into others , so to speak , and make sure that you are showing up as the best version of yourself , so that you are capable and can respond instead of react . How does that play into your like physical safety programs and all of that right ? So let's touch on that , because that was quite a reaction of that , right ?
Speaker 2So let's let's touch on that , cause that was quite a reaction . Well , yeah , cause I don't want to give like a long answer . I know this is a short , short spiel . So what happened in like the early years of teaching self-defense classes , like what I can do is I know how to ask the right questions to find out the mental blocks and limitations that prevent people from defending themselves .
Speaker 1It's kind of a big deal , so it sounds like a very huge deal .
Speaker 2Okay , no matter how trained you are , no matter what . Like I said , there's I , there are mental blocks and limitations , and I find them and in the beginning I'd be like , okay , now you know , good luck . You know where it's like today . I understand , like how to help people work through them and I'm not sure where I'm going to take that , like honestly , professionally . But I know that it's not done in therapy and I keep sending people to therapists or coaches or , and it's not like other people can't do it therapists or coaches , or and it's not like other people can't do it .
Speaker 2I just have yet to find people who are capable of doing in this specific niche , cause I'm looking for very certain specific things that allow a person to trust themselves and be willing to speak up , and that's what it takes for our kids . Like we have . Like I'm sorry , we have to do hard things . None of it is easy and if you doubt yourself , how are you supposed to do that ? It's hard when you know the right answer . It is absolutely hard when you , a hundred percent for sure , know the answer . It's hard . So how are you supposed to do it when you doubt yourself ?
Speaker 1Not very well . I'll say that I spent years in in that self doubt , wondering if I'm doing it right , wondering if I'm the right person for my family , or wondering if you know . All of that and that's kind of where all of my personal development and my program stem from , because it was so isolating to feel wrong all the time and I felt guilt and shame around the fact that , you know , I didn't have the answers and I didn't feel like I was capable and I was like how do I actually start voicing this to anyone ? Not that I don't have a decent support system , because I did , but like if I actually told my husband how I felt , or if I told my friends how I felt , if I actually told my husband how I felt , or if I told my friends how I felt , if I went to my doctor and was like truly honest about what was going on inside my head , I was like somebody might take these kids away . Like let's , let's normalize the fact that moms need a lot of support and that it's okay to not be okay . Yeah , there are ways to move through that when we can figure out the right questions and the right support and the right resources to get right .
Speaker 1So I think what you're doing is really , really powerful because you have really niche , like you've really found a niche that I think needs extra support . Right , we talked a little bit about how you are finding moms that maybe have little T or capital T trauma , that are , yeah , right . That's a spectrum too all on its own , and we both have strong willed blessings that have an extra layer of support , and so knowing that there's somebody out there that can physically help keep the physical safety in the home I think is such a paramount priority . So I give kudos to you for doing that . If there's any tips or tricks , if you had one piece of advice or a top three pieces of advice that you would give the listeners out there , what would those be ?
Speaker 2Trust , yourself , like whatever that takes , and if you're confused it's okay to be confused . Yeah , like whatever that takes , and if you're confused it's okay to be confused . But like really like trust yourself , and then connection always works . Love has never hurt anybody , even if you're like , oh , is this enabling or is this love ?
err on the side of giving too much love like for real and then , lastly , like , just because of some of the stuff that we touched on , if anybody is listening and there is violence in your home , maybe you don't want to call it that , maybe it's just scary , maybe it's difficult , maybe , but if there's any physical harm , it is an absolute privilege for me to be available , to just listen and connect with moms Because , like you said , like that it's hard . It's hard to cover a black eye from your own kid . Like that is just , it's a domestic violence relationship . You can't leave . Not only can you not leave , you're responsible for it . It's dark , it is dark and it is an absolute privilege to be available . So , if anybody relates like you're not alone , I talk to moms like that all the time and please feel free to reach out .
Speaker 1Wonderful . I appreciate that so much , carrie , and it has been a pleasure getting to know you and having you on the show . Thank you , guys , for tuning in today to this today's episode , where we help you conquer the chaos , one day at a time .