Hello , hello everybody , and welcome back to Conquering Chaos A Mom's Guide to Self-Care and Sanity . I'm your host , sydney Crow , and today we have the amazing guest Carla Marconi . Now , carla is a life coach who is certified in a variety of areas . I'm going to let her fill you in on all of those . She's currently down , living in Florida , but originally from Venezuela . Welcome , carla , thank you . Thank you for having me . I'm so excited . So we were just having a little bit of a pre-chat and you know why don't you fill the listeners in on what it is that you do and how you specialize in helping moms ?
Speaker 2I sure will . So I help specifically working moms eliminate overwhelm and feel more confident and in control of their life and just learn how to feel really good about how they're showing up . Because in our society we are expected to mother like we don't work and work like we don't mother . And as we are working on changing that slowly , what can we do within ourselves in order to be able to hold all the things that we want to hold ? And by hold I mean , you know , be able to hold all the things that we want to hold , and by hold I mean , you know , be the perfect mom , the perfect friend , the perfect husband , the perfect wife and all these expectations that we have for ourselves , while also still feeling good about ourselves and not burning ourselves out . So my dream is to just help as many moms as possible be really , really confident and feel good about how they show up , Because when they do that , then they're role modeling , that energy and that confidence and the way they show up in the world for their kids , and that means that we're raising kids that are also confident , that are not , you know , screaming because of you know being reactive , and and so it trickles down .
Speaker 2So that's , that's , in a nutshell , my background More on this . You mentioned the certifying . I don't really talk about it too much , but I do have a background in NLP , which is basically understanding the language of our minds , and that helps us change the programming in our mind so that we can have positive programs that are empowering us . And along with that , I've been a yoga teacher for over 10 years . I teach breathwork as well , and so I blend all these different modalities to serve my clients however they need .
Speaker 1I meet them where they are , so I think that's a beautiful and I think I mean the way that you said we need to learn how to work like we don't parent and parent like we don't work and like change . That dynamic that society has put this pressure on is such a beautiful way to phrase that , because I'm having conversations with my clients and other moms that I'm meeting around the world and that seems to be the theme . And I mean , you're originally from South America and I learned something just a couple of weeks ago that you know it's very standard practice in South America for families down there to have nannies , but up in North America , if you are having a nanny and trying to juggle all the things , it's almost like we're shamed for not being able to do it all . Are you finding that same feeling ?
Speaker 2Yes , I will be super honest with you . I don't feel that , like I have a nanny and I have a lot of help because I mean , because I practice , why I preach too , but also it takes a village , and so I really own that . And when I have talked to other women , it is a lot of women have this idea that if they ask for help then they are burdening other people , and so then we think we have to carry it all and do everything ourselves . And also then you add that have to carry it all and do everything ourselves . And also then you add that a lot of women have this crazy expectation and we're perfectionistic and all these different things . And so yeah , I think there is a lot of shame and I'm sure you'll agree with this . It's twofold . One is like the expectation we're putting on ourselves , but then also we are not helping each other , like we judge each other , and so then that adds to it and it can feel very , very heavy to carry all that .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean , I definitely can feel that a hundred percent , and I think that it's so important to have people like yourself changing the dynamic and bringing these conversations to the forefront , so I really appreciate you doing that . Why don't you tell me how this has impacted your life as a parent , what are some of the tools and tricks and tips and everything that you can bring to the table , and how does that impact you know how .
Speaker 2The way that you parent your kids , the first thing I would say is that I put myself first , and again , that might feel like , oh , if I put myself first , then I'm a bad mom , and there's many ways to see that . The way I do it is that I make sure to wake up early so I can do things for me before I have to be there for my daughter . My daughter is still very young , right , and so that is very important and that already makes me feel okay . I filled my cup is very important , and that already makes me feel okay . I filled my cup , so now I have so much more to give , rather than waking up super late or waking up with them and then you're always feeling like you're catching up .
Maybe that doesn't look like that for everyone . Maybe it is that you wake up with your kids , but then eventually you have somebody that steps in and helps you .
Speaker 2Putting making time for yourself to fill your cup is key , and that has been key for me . In fact , the days that I have decided to sleep in and I'm like running against the clock all day , I have this feeling of like , oh my gosh , it's like I'm surviving today , right . Instead , if I feel like I'm ahead of things , then it's like it's easier to stay calm . So I would say that would be number one . Number two is about staying calm , that you know we're not performing heart surgery here and so just controlling what I can control and allowing other things to just roll off my shoulders , so caring less about whether my house looks perfect and you know , sometimes I do have time to make my house look beautiful , but then other times the kitchen might be completely filled with dirty dishes , and that's okay because I'm not performing heart surgery , right . So I would say that I'm an amazing time manager . My husband and I share each other's calendars , everyone's in communication and having a good support system .
Speaker 2So if whether you have a partner or family members that step in to help , making sure that you're always asking for help , so those have been , like I would say , the most important pieces that have allowed me to be a very grounded parent , a very present parent . One more , I mean I could talk forever about many things , but I would say also , especially if you're a working parent , having personal boundaries , so that means you work when you work and you parent when you parent . It can be very easy now with phones to be playing with your kid and having your phone on your face , like what message are you sending to your child ? So that's something that I'm very mindful about . I put my phone aside and I'm playing with her . I'm looking at her in her eyes and like really being present . So and then everything builds up on each other .
Speaker 2I think that's amazing .
Speaker 1So and then everything builds up on each other . I think that's amazing . And I mean just to add on to that , I was working with a mom who would be really flustered . At the end of the day She'd come home from the office and then everybody was just like on her right , like the kids wanted things , her husband needed things , there was all of this chaos like getting kids to sports and whatever , and she realized that she needed about 10 minutes just to go to her room , decompress , kind of change hats , so to speak , and then she could come out and be really , really present with her family .
Speaker 1And so whatever those tips and tricks are that work for you ? Finding that I hate the word balance , but quote unquote balance or flow that works for you is really important in setting those boundaries , like you said , works for you is really important in setting those boundaries , like you said . Now you and I were chatting a little bit about nervous systems and how regulation comes into play and how that allows you to show up better as a parent . Why don't you share with the listeners what you were starting to share with me a little bit before the show ?
Speaker 2Yeah , so I always talk about how , if you are stressed , there's no way that you can , that you can be grounded right , like your nervous system . If you're on a heightened nervous system meaning like you're in a go go , go , you're burning the candle both ends there's no way that you can be present or sorry , patient . So if you find yourself constantly blowing up at your kids and maybe not constantly , maybe just once and you're like feeling super guilty about it and you're like , oh my gosh , like I did it again , it's twice this week Like I keep just like flipping out , I need to go to a spa and just reset . No , it's not about going to a spa and resetting . It's about what we do on a consistent basis every day . So I'll break it down .
Speaker 2Our nervous system has two and I'm not I'm not a scientist , so I'm going to butcher the terminology here . I think it's reactions . So you have a parasympathetic reaction and a sympathetic reaction . Those names I'm familiar with , but you're probably more familiar with . You're either in fight or flight or in rest and digest . So if you are in fight or flight , that's actually part of our nervous system to keep us safe . So in the olden days you would have maybe a you would encounter a tiger on the other side of the bushes and your nervous system would go into fight or flight , because you need to be quick and you need to know how to fight right , and that's there so that you can fight and you cannot be patient in that state . When you're in that state , you're going to be reacting , you're going to be screaming , because that's part of your survival mechanism . So it's not your fault that you're actually being explosive and saying things that you might not want to say . It's because of how you are internally , your state , and I can give you examples of how to shift your state . If you are not in fight or flight , then you're in rest and digest , which means you can actually process things . It's almost like you have time to react right and we've all been there where we have been able to like think through what we want to say and we say it , and then we're like , oh , I handled that so beautifully . It's because of how we were internally right , and so the way to not be in fight or flight constantly is to check in with ourselves .
Speaker 2When was the last time you just paused and you were like , okay , let me just close my eyes and just breathe and check in with myself . How do I really feel and what do I really need right now ? And just pausing , it's literally like you were talking about this mom that did the 10 minute reset . I love that , and that can be as little as 10 seconds when we're going from the car to the house , like , okay , let me just before I get out of the car , and then that breathing literally allows your nervous system .
Speaker 2You don't have to do anything consciously here , because I don't want to get into too details , but consciously you're not consciously in fight or flight , you are subconsciously in fight or flight . This is something that happens internally and so . But when you breathe slowly , then all of a sudden you're telling your system it's okay , we're not getting attacked by a tiger , we can be patient now . So all you have to do is breathe . So you go from the car , pause , okay , and then you can go to the next activity . How long did that took ? Under five seconds , yeah . And then you're not going to be regretting what you did , you're going to be anticipating it and then having time to respond .
Speaker 1Which is amazing , absolutely . Yeah , I mean , and that's been a huge course of my journey over the last couple of years , especially . I mean , my daughter has a rare genetic disorder . I've shared a little bit about that on the show and you know , for nine years leading up to that diagnosis , we did not have any answers , and I found myself in a constant state of fight or flight for years . So many uncertainties and learning how to respond instead of react has been like such a game changer for our home and our household , and so I think the work that you're doing is phenomenal . I think it's really powerful that you are able to help coach women through this . Breathwork is becoming a much more mainstream modality , and so I think it's and a really powerful one at that . Right , everybody has the power of breath . It's about learning how to harness that , and so , yeah , I think that that's really powerful and I'm really grateful that you were able to come on and share . Is there any other tips that you'd like to share with the listeners today ?
Speaker 2Yeah . So I just wanted to piggyback off of that and add an extra motivation to connect to your breath . Just , our kids are always modeling what we do . Even if you have a teenage kid that you think completely like , does not wanna be a part of your family and is not watching , subconsciously , they are watching and they're always adopting , whether consciously or unconsciously , things that we do .
Speaker 2So if we are grounded , if we are able to be responsive in a very like , in a very intentional way , rather than react and then feel guilty , we are teaching them that .
Speaker 2And so imagine , you know you get that call from school oh , like your kid bit somebody or punch someone . Maybe you don't bite them and you don't punch them , but you're being reactive and quote , unquote , violent , and they are taking that as a way to react to situations . And so we can begin to be an example for them by grounding ourselves . And so to give more practical tips on how you can stay constantly grounded , you know , with the breath the easiest way is and I just kind of did it without really guiding is doing sighing out breaths and that's just literally inhaling through the nose and then opening your mouth and just , and you can do it really loud and if you're listening to this , I encourage you to do it like right now . Do it as loud as you can and you'll see how literally the energy in your body is like . It's almost like you just opened a valve and the pressure from within you is just like it's like screaming into a pillow right , because all the energy is there . We just have to release it Go on .
Speaker 1I was just going to say I love the like , the visual that I was getting while you were saying , like it's like a valve opens and the pressure comes out because it's , I can picture the cartoon where , like , the steam is coming out of everybody's ears , right , and then you're just like no , we're just going to twist this valve here and it's just going to like seep right out , which is beautiful .
Speaker 2Yes , and then you'll have your kid , on the other hand , go to school . Something will happen and they'll be like , excuse me , I need to take a few breaths . I mean , that's the hope , that's the goal , that's the dream , and you're giving that example .
Speaker 1And to raise such an empowered generation that actually knows like , hey , I'm in tune with myself . I'm just going to take a couple seconds here , I'm going to do a little breathing and then we can have a conversation about this . Right , like it is the dream . It is the dream , yeah , wonderful . Well , I think you were going to send me a link for a freebie or some tips for the listeners . We can put that in the show notes . Did you want to tell everybody what that's all about ?
Speaker 2Yeah , absolutely so . I have a free training . It's called five simple shifts that working moms use to eliminate overwhelm . It's really practical , applicable in the moment , and I'll give the link to you so they can access that .
Speaker 1Perfect . Well , thank you so much , carla , for being on the show . We'll make sure that everybody knows how to get in touch with you in the show notes . And thank you , guys for tuning into today's episode where we help you conquer the chaos , one day at a time .