Hey , hey welcome back to conquering chaos . I'm your host , sydney Crow , and today we have the amazing Gemma Sharp . Gemma is a mom based out of the UK and she is the founder of Hummingbird Life Academy . She is a seasoned professional with 35 years in the corporate world . She's found her true calling , though , in fostering emotional and positive intelligence , particularly in the realm of parenting . She understands the intricate dance that balancing family life , work and mental fitness . She's dedicated to guiding families through the challenges of stress , anxiety and emotional management . She believes that enhancing our EQ and PQ transforms our approach to parenting and professional life and equips us with the solid mental fitness , fitness which is crucial for navigating life's challenges with resilience and positivity . Welcome , gemma . Thank you , sydney , so nice to be here , it's so nice to reconnect with you .
Speaker 2I mean , we've been connected now for just well over a year . We found each other kind of in the same coaching community and I actually was able to put my kids through your Mind Wizards program last summer , which is phenomenal , and I can't wait for us to tell the listeners a little bit more about that . But why don't you just kick off and tell the listeners , kind of , your route , your path for getting to where you are today ?
Speaker 1Okay , thank you . Yes , so I'm a mom of two . I have a son who's 15 and my daughter is 12 . And I sort of started having children a bit later in life and I wanted four but never got that far because I was too old , so just got two . And my son was the easiest child . He was so laid back , he slept through , he was always really easy . And I will openly admit I was one of those sort of judgmental mothers where other mothers would say this thing you know , parenting is so hard and I'd be like , hmm , it really is it Because he was such a good baby . You got lucky .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , I really did . And then , about two and a half years after he was born , we decided to have another one and I had my amazing daughter , who is she is just so brilliant , but she also has pushed me to my limits Ever since she was born . She came out screaming and she literally hasn't stopped . She is , she's , fantastic .
Speaker 1But what I found was I thought I knew everything about parenting after having my first , and then this totally differently wired child came into my life and I was like I have not a clue what I'm doing now . And so I knew she was really special right from the very beginning . She was determined , she knew what she wanted , even as a very young baby , which I think is fantastic , especially in our girls . I just it's just really difficult to deal with that when they are little . You know I want 20 , her at 20 , to have those amazing strong qualities . It's just really difficult to parent a four-year-old who has these really strong qualities . So I knew that I had to change my parenting style . But that really came to light when she was about seven and she started having huge emotional meltdowns and things got so bad within our family that she was saying she didn't want to live anymore . And it got to the point where you know she was saying things to me , as a mother , that you never want to hear .
Speaker 1It was just really really shocking and a real eye-opener for me , and I found that I wasn't dealing with her in a positive way . I was parenting her the way I was parented and for that type of child , highly sensitive and strong willed , it was not the best combination at all . So things got to a really quite a dark place for the whole family when she was about seven . So I went to the doctor and I said look , I need help , let's just say . His comment back to me was basically it's too bad , go home and sort it out yourself . So I thought , right , I'm totally on my own here Now . She was then put into the system as in . She was put on a waiting list to see whether she was neurodiverse in any way , and about three years later . So it took quite a long time for us to get that diagnosis . But I knew within that three years if I didn't . I knew the waiting list and I knew that if I didn't do something myself , that it wasn't going to turn out well for anybody . You know I was either going to be on a one-way ticket to Australia home again , or by myself , or you know it wasn't going to end well .
Speaker 1So I decided to start researching and I had a bit of an inkling as to what it might be , because she had . She was highly sensitive to everything smells , clothes , taste change and she had a lot of physical symptoms as well . She was always complaining of having headaches , of having stomach aches , of not feeling well , of having a bad tummy . So she spent a good six months under a pediatrician where they did a load of tests and they said look we , for six months they said we can't find anything wrong with her , and so we actually think it might be anxiety . So I was like , right , okay .
Speaker 1So I started researching then everything to do with anxiety , how it shows up in children , and what I found was so much of her quote , unquote bad behavior that I had been parenting in really the wrong way . It actually was her coping mechanism for anxiety , and so when I started to learn how it shows up in the body , how I could help her , I also then started to learn a heck of a lot about myself and that I suffer a lot from anxiety , but I'm extremely good at masking it and I would mask it very , very well . I knew what I needed to do in certain situations , what mask I had to put on how I needed to be and it was very much like a duck floating on a pond and inside with the legs of the duck like churning inside of me . And so I started to look at how I was dealing with my anxiety , how her anxiety was triggering my anxiety , and it was just this big .
Speaker 2This big , yeah exactly , I 100% relate to all of that . You just feel like you're pouring , like barreling down the mountain at 100 miles an hour and completely out of control . Yeah .
Speaker 1She was out of control . I was out of control and it really it wasn't a nice place to be in our family at all . So I started to then think , okay , well , how can I help ? What can I do ? And what I found was the very first thing the more I worked on myself , the more I was able to parent her more positively . And then I started to see better results from the different things that I was doing with her . And one of my friends said to me do you know ? You should teach other parents this , because we could all do with it . And then I sort of found out that she got her diagnosis , that she was ADHD , she was ASD and she had dyslexia , and so that gave me another sort of rabbit hole to jump into learning about ADHD , how that affects children , how that affects their behavior , you know , and how . Actually I think that I'm also neurodiverse as well . My brother's very strongly ADHD and I'm pretty sure that I'm on the spectrum as well . It's always these funny realizations that you have . Yeah , it's always 2020 exactly .
Speaker 1Yeah , I was looking at my daughter going hmm , she's displaying that behavior that actually I have as well . So that was that was a big learning curve . So I then thought , right , well , I will try and help others . And so I developed Mind Wizards , which is a program for children and parents that is to help them understand their emotions , manage their thoughts , their behaviors , manage change more effectively and then calming techniques that they can do in order to help themselves . And although it's primarily for children , as you know , I always sort of say to the parents I really want you to do it with your kids , because you will learn a lot as well Like I did . Yeah , that suddenly you'll be looking in the mirror going , oh , that's interesting , and it is .
Speaker 2I mean , obviously these genetics come from somewhere . So when you're starting to deal with things with your kids , you start to kind of like self reflect , like where , where is this coming from ? Like is this a ? Is this the start of the gene ? Or is this like learned behavior , learned genetics , like is it passing down ? And you know , when you are working so hard to help your kids and support your kids , I mean it does do a lot of self-reflection . You kind of have to do the self-reflection to help them even more . So , right , because you're like , well , where is this coming from ? And , like you , I think that I am somewhere on the spectrum with ADHD as well .
Speaker 2I've dealt with anxiety my whole life and you know I've also was able to mask it so well . I mean , I was just talking . I've given up drinking about a year and a half ago , almost 500 days ago . At this point the time it's recording and you know I was talking with my mom just on Saturday night . She's like I'm so shocked to hear that you feel like you had anxiety all through your childhood because you know , I never , I never would have guessed that , and I was like , yeah , but you know I started self-medicating with alcohol and drugs and all of these things that helped me mask it and put on these , these masks , like you had said . Like which mask am I going to wear today ? What do I need to do in this situation to mask my anxiety ? And I got really , really good at that .
Speaker 2And so , being able to go through these programs and help your kids so that they don't go through those like self-medicating , those coping mechanisms , those masking mechanisms that we were so able to do I mean , you and I have had several conversations , because I did have the privilege of putting my kids through your program last summer and you know , we we did have a pretty raw conversation about how just going through these programs and having these resources out here , especially for young girls , is going to change the trajectory of their lives so that when they get into their early adult years and their early , you know , twenties , and even into their thirties , because our brains don't fully develop until we're 21 to 25 . Right , so we're giving them these tools to help them so that they can learn how to stand up for themselves and have those boundaries in place ahead of time . Right , because there's so much extra work that has to happen when you have to pull back those layers again and start fresh . But when we can help them and empower them at such a young age to not have that and to have those clear boundaries , I mean it's just , it's going to be a beautiful thing for this next generation . So I'm really excited .
Speaker 2Why don't you tell the listeners a little bit more ? First of all , we talked about PQ and EQ in your bio . Can you just let the listeners know what those things are , because it could be a new technology for them .
Speaker 1Yeah , sure . So EQ is emotional intelligence and , as you know , you hear a lot about IQ and IQ is pushed so much at school and everything you know reading and writing and EQ is the balance to that . So reading and writing and learning all of the practical , rational things that we need to do is really important . And yet EQ , which is our emotional foundation , is so to me so much more important . And , in fact , if we teach our children to understand their emotions , their feelings , how their thoughts impact their emotions and how they manage then their reactions to things , that is an amazing foundation for them to then be able to increase their IQ or to help them at school .
Speaker 1And I really believe that emotional intelligence is something that should actually be taught foundationally at school first , before they ever learn how to read and write .
It impacts their ability to learn so much . When you have a highly anxious child sitting in a classroom , their brain is in fight , flight , freeze and fall and overload . You know it is sitting there on high alert , freaking out , and their logical brain , where they're supposed to be learning and retaining all of that information , it's offline . It's not working properly . Yeah .
Speaker 2So when we can teach them .
Speaker 1Yeah , exactly yeah . It's like someone's unplugged the computer and until you calm down and plug that back in , they are not going to be able to retain things . And when we can teach them how to manage their emotions , how to respond rather than react to things , then that means that they're going to be able to calm themselves down . And I heard something interesting when I was doing for the for the corporate side of things that 90% of top performers in businesses have high emotional intelligence . Yeah and yeah .
Speaker 1So when you think it impacts every part of their life , if they are not going to be able to manage their emotions , they're not going to be able to manage their stress , they're not going to be able to manage their anxiety , that is then going to impact their relationships . It's then going to impact their learning . It's going to impact how they react and respond to the world around them . It just it is the foundation of everything . And if we don't get that foundation right , then it's almost like planting a tree but not digging those deep roots into the ground , the tree , the first gust of wind that comes along is going to blow it over . But when we can have really strong emotionally intelligent roots within ourselves , yeah , when life blows , you know big hurricanes at us , which is going to happen ?
Speaker 2we will bend , but we won't break , and that is that's so important and yes , and we're like I'm starting to see a little bit of this in my daughter's schools .
Speaker 2We have a program that's called right from the start and it's in the younger years but it's not enough .
Speaker 2Like , when you look at like the IQ learning and the way that the school system is set up it is so based on , like reading and math and writing and all of these hardcore skills that are like you said , they're they're important and they're valuable , but if their brains are not absorbing it , their self-confidence goes down , they stop wanting to try harder , they stop wanting to go to school at all . And you know the ratio of this program that my daughters have in their school . They get it like , I think , maybe two classes a week in their entire curriculum and they're there for , you know , seven hours a day and they get maybe two hours of this a week . So I find that the ratio so being able to do these things at home and go through programs similar to Mind Wizards is such a benefit for parents to kind of help their kids lay these foundations . So why don't you tell the listeners a little bit about Mind Wizards and kind of how that program you know unfolds for parents ?
Speaker 1Yeah , sure . So it's done in six modules , or there are six topics that we cover , and the first one is , to me , is really so important , and that is Proud to Be Me . That's where we teach the kids why it's so important that they love themselves first , that they have really good self-worth and rather than self-esteem , because self-esteem is based so much on external things , on external validation , external markers that they might hit , whereas self-worth is really internal . It's believing in yourself and loving yourself , your uniqueness and understanding that you are the most important person in the world and when you can look after yourself , then we can look after others more . But having that really strong self-worth is so important . So the first module is all around building self-worth , having gratitude , but also , too , when we think about having gratitude for things externally , it's really important . I'm really grateful for the sun , for the beautiful house that I have , my food , my parents , whatever it might be . But then , turning that internally as well and saying and I'm also proud of something about myself and each day thinking what am I proud of about myself ? It might just be that you were able to go to school , which , for a neurodivergent child , is a massive accomplishment , because schools are not designed for neurodivergent children . They're not designed for their brains at all . And it's really brave that our kids can go in every single day into an environment that is not really designed for them and they manage and they cope as best they can with it . So it's increasing that self-worth and understanding that they are the most important person . And how do I look after myself ?
Speaker 1And then we move on to thoughts how our thoughts are created in our mind , that our thoughts are not facts . They're not true . It's just the way that our brain starts to perceive things . And what do we do when we have those reoccurring negative thoughts and they then impact our emotions ? So that's the third module how do we balance our emotions ? How do we manage them ? What can we do when we have these really big , strong emotions , when we're really angry ? And that's something that I actually found quite difficult myself , because I was always taught that anger was not an emotion that we were allowed to display at home . It was . You can be as happy as you like , but you start being angry and showing that , oh no , that was shut down very quickly . So I internally then became a massive people pleaser where I had to everything's fine , you know , and keeping everything and everybody okay , everything's fine , you know . And keeping everything and everybody okay , because you don't show those other big emotions , because that's not okay .
Speaker 1So helping them understand that emotions are just energy and that it's really important that we listen to them , that we process them and that they this isn't something that I talk about actually in the program , but just for the parents . You know , we probably all know that emotions get stored in our body if we don't process them . This isn't something that I talk about actually in the program , but just for the parents . You know , we probably all know that emotions get stored in our body if we don't process them . And when we don't process those emotions and our body stores it , it actually makes us ill . Sometimes there's a there's dis-ease within our body which then creates disease . So so we talk about emotions and then we move on to managing change , how we can deal with change , because nobody likes change . Change makes all of us feel super uncomfortable .
Speaker 1Especially when you're neurodivergent like that , is definitely like a very key characteristic of their inability to navigate that on a even keel keel , yeah , and and when you're anxious as well , your , your brain is always going into the future or into the past , worrying about everything .
Speaker 1How do we come back to what we can and we can't control and how do we , you know , make sure that we're okay in the moment now ? So we talk about that . The fifth module is all about calming techniques how we can calm our bodies down , understanding how our brain works and why sometimes we flip our lids , and how we can keep ourselves calm so that we can reconnect with our logical part of our brain again . And then the last one is all about how do we build this into our routine , how do we build a really strong and firm daily routine that becomes part of our everyday life and that's something that we hope they will carry on for the rest of their life . I want them to look into the mirror every morning and smile at themselves , rather than looking at themselves and being negative , you know . So that's the program , sort of in a nutshell , for Mind Wizards .
Speaker 2And I will say like I love this program . Like I said , we went through it probably close to nine months ago now , at this time of the recording , and so you know my kids still use a lot of the practices . One of my kids still has her handprint up there . She gives herself a high five every time she leaves her room and you know it's that positive self-talk . The journaling like what I said , when we started your program , we were always doing a little bit of a gratitude journal , but now they've like implemented that .
Speaker 2I'm proud of myself today because and it is a really beautiful thing to be able to like go back and evaluate , and sometimes they're like , mom , I didn't really do anything today and I was like well , what are you proud of ? Like ? Are you are you proud of ? Like ? Are you are you proud that you just stayed happy ? Like are you proud that you didn't lose your cool today ? Are you proud that you ate all your vegetables ? Like ? You know it can be like such a wide variety , but it forces them to really think about themselves and I love that that tool is in there and we are still using it .
Speaker 2So it is , you know , having that last module where you helped us integrate it and pick the things that were going to be like lasting pieces . For us it's a really beneficial piece because a lot of people tend to go and gather all the knowledge right , they have a problem and they seek out solutions and it's like , oh well , this maybe didn't work , so let's try this solution . And they're constantly absorbing all of this knowledge . But it's the implementation and the how does this fit into my life and so I love like it is such a practical . Last module For those of you listening , we will have a link for the program at the bottom of the show , so you guys are feel free to grab that .
Speaker 2Gemma sends out a lovely box for the kids to go through all of the modules and you know her videos are really really well done . So if you have interest in that , we'll make sure that you have a contact piece for Gemma at the bottom of the show as well as the ability to buy the program .
We kind of stepped away what does PQ stand for ? Because I know that kind of segues into your parent program as well .
Speaker 1It does so . Pq is positive intelligence and and it's almost the prerequisite to emotional intelligence , which is strange but it is . And what it is is it is a program that is for adults . I use it for my parents and what it does is it's a program for mental fitness . It's rewiring our brain to have the strongest mental fitness that we can , and from the age of about five up until then , up until about five , we're whole brained .
Speaker 1We use most of our brain both sides , and yet as we start to go to school , we're from about the age of five onwards we're taught and encouraged to use the left-hand part of our brain , which is the more reason , the logic , the thinking part of our brain , and what happens with that is that then the right-hand side of our brain , which is more the , that's our positive intelligence , that is our sage perspective , our intuition , our empathy for ourselves , our ability to have innovate and to explore things and to activate our brain into doing different things that actually starts to decrease in its strength .
Speaker 1And the right hand sorry , the left hand side of our brain , which is where our thinking part of our brain is , that is also where our saboteurs live . And we all have a judge . We all have an internal critic that actually will talk to us , tell us we're not good enough , will beat us down , and actually we all have a judge . And then our judge then also has accomplice saboteurs . So there's the pleaser , there's the hyper achiever , there's the hyper vigilant , the avoider , that's so me , the victim . There's nine other sort of accomplice saboteurs that our judge brings in to help keep us down almost .
Speaker 1Yeah justify it Exactly . And don't get me wrong the saboteurs actually have qualities that we all need , but what our brain does is it overuses them and overworks them to the point where it is then detrimental to ourselves . And so what this program does is it's actually rewiring our brain through simple methods that we use to . It increases the gray matter in the sage part of our brain , and what that does is it ? Yeah , if there's a , it's all backed by science , which I love because I'm a total brain geek . I love how the brain works and how you know we can use it to our advantage , but most of the the time , it controls us in not a great way , and we all know that feeling emotions and having emotions is really good , but they're only good for a moment to tell us what's going on , what's going on in our environment , and what we tend to do is we tend to stay in them for way too long , and it's like putting your hand on a hot stove . So it's great , when we put our hand on a hot stove , to get that initial shock and our brain goes oh , that's hot , take your hand away , yeah . But when and that's like our emotions our emotions are saying , oh , this is happening and we go , oh right , ok , now I understand what's going on around me , but so much of the time we then keep our hand on that hot stove and we burn ourselves . We burn ourselves sort of into the ground with these negative thoughts and emotions going round and round in our mind which is affecting how we perform . So what PQ does is it fires up the sage part of our brain , the five sage powers that we have . That actually then gives us the ability to calm ourselves down , to move very quickly from negative to more positive and , yeah , it's having that mental fitness so that we are able to manage any situation that comes up in life and whatever the problem might be . So it's it's a brilliant program for for people that want to be able to really master their mind , to be masters of their emotions and to be able to have far more empathy for themselves , be able to move into more of their intuition , which is so important to teach our children as well . And it's a program that I've been doing it for the past six months now and I'm almost certified in it at the time of this recording , which is very , but what I found is that the people that have gone through the course have said I have been on so many different courses before and nothing has had the lasting impact that PQ has .
Wow , yeah , because so much of the time like exactly like you said before Sydney we go and we learn things and we learn , and we learn and we learn , and that is 80% of what we do , but the most powerful is the 20% of implementing it . And yet , especially , I feel for myself being neurodivergent and being someone who loves to learn , and I'm forever reading things and getting , oh , I want to find out about this new thing . But in that moment I go , yeah , that's amazing , I'm going to do that . And then three months later , I'm exactly where I was before because I have not put it into practice . And what peak does is it fires up that part of your brain so that you actually keep doing it . You are keeping building that muscle every single day , building that muscle every single day , and it's it's phenomenal . I absolutely love it and I think it is probably at my age I'm 50 this year and it is the most impactful thing I have ever done for myself .
Speaker 2Incredible . I'm so excited for you . I you know I was kind of kicking myself for not going through your program when you offered it to me a few months ago . I have to say , this definitely sounds like something that's right up my alley and , like you said , I mean there's everything in life .
Speaker 2Is this 80-20 rule right ? You have people that you're going to have 20% of the people that actually achieve and do the things and come and do the work , and you're going to have 20% of the people that actually achieve and do the things and come and do the work , and you're going to have 80% of the people that you know get stuck and that's just . You know the general rule of thumb . And so the fact that you know you're finding that these people are coming into your program and they're actually staying in that 20% , because a lot of times you have like attrition , I think , is the right word where people just fall off and so you know you're proving that this program is working , that people are staying with it and they're actually implementing it , which is incredible . Now this program .
Speaker 1You've designed specifically for parents , correct ? So well , actually I do it with anybody . So I actually I'm doing it in the corporate space , and I'm doing it with entrepreneurial women , because I love the fact that there are so many of us out there doing different things and yet our saboteurs actually stop us from achieving the success that we are destined for . And then I'm also doing it with parents . So it doesn't matter which part of what your path is . It's very , very tailored to you individually . It's not that you have to be this or you have to be that . Okay , it's for anybody . And the great thing is is that I do it in very small pods , pods of five , and I've had gents on there as well . So men that are coming into the program and going wow , you know , I didn't realize that I was so this way or that way , and being able to change the way their brain is .
Speaker 1And when couples do it as well , it's phenomenal when they actually start being able to see each other's saboteurs and understand , not to feed into them . Because we , when we are in a saboteur state , as we know with mirroring , with children , this is the same principle , you know , when we're in an annoyed state , whatever it might be or we're angry , or we're whatever it might be . Our kids actually absorb that and they start to behave that way as well , and it's exactly the same with when we're in a saboteur or a sage state . When we are in a calmer , more sage state of mind , we bring that out into anybody that we actually interact with , and it's so interesting to be able to see that happen . Yeah , so it's really for for anybody anybody who is , who is wanting to increase their mental fitness to a point where they are able to manage any situation that comes in life without actually keeping their hand on the hot stove and being in that negative thought process or emotions for longer than a couple of seconds . I love .
Speaker 2This is honestly such a powerful program and so we will make sure that you guys have information . You guys can contact Gemma if you have more questions or if you're ready to just go . We'll make sure that we have a link there for you as well . Because you know , so many times and you and I are both in the coaching space where you see people , they come and they start to make progress and they start to make progress and then all of a sudden something happens in life . You know and and and .
Speaker 2There's lots of tragedy out there and I don't want to diminish what people go through in any way , shape or form , but it's like , feel it , go through it Also . You can't stay stuck there , and I think a lot of people , when they feel that slide or that pullback or that regression in their business or their personal life or whatever they're going through parenting I mean I can't even tell you how many regressions we've had through parenting right , like you feel , like you do all this work , and then all of a sudden you're like why are we back here ? Like why is this happening ? Yeah , it's like grandma day , yeah .
Speaker 2And so many people get stuck in that because they're like , you know , it's just you get tired of having to kind of climb the ladder again . But the thing that I think a lot of people don't realize is , once you've been up so many runs on the ladder , the climb doesn't take as long the next time or the next time , and maybe you don't slide as far down it the following time , right , and so there's always this kind of leveling up in this ebb and flow and people get stuck , and so I love that you have found this program and developed this . Where you can , you know , help people get back out of that , get back into action , get back into momentum and that positive feeling so much quicker . I think that this is really , really powerful With everything that we've talked about . If there was one piece of advice that you'd love to give the parents , based on your personal experience or one of your programs , what would you tell the listeners ?
Speaker 1I think it would be . If you want to raise confident , unstoppable adults , like we all do , then the work begins with you first . I have learnt so much from my children and so much of the time I went into it thinking I need to sort of teach them this is how things should be done and this is how they should be doing things . And in actual fact , I needed to work on myself first , because everything that we do our children absorb every , everything and that's not .
Speaker 1I don't want to cause guilt . There is so many times that I look and I think I have screwed my kids up so much and I'll probably just have to pay for therapy for the rest of their life . But actually working on myself now , I am able to manage them so much better and I'm able to watch them flourish and grow because I'm doing it myself . So really , if we really want to raise unstoppable adults , then we need to work on ourselves first , and I think that is the most important thing . When we can love ourselves , when we can be really good in how we feel about ourselves and our ability to manage our emotions , it is going to transcribe into our children or transfer into our children .
so much more . Absolutely , I mean , and it does . It shows them that like life isn't perfect and you know , having to do the work on yourself , it sets that example for them . They see you doing it , like even if you're doing it after they've gone to bed and all the things like it still comes up in passing conversations , or they can see , they can feel that , they sense that where you're leveling up and you're doing the things .
Speaker 2And I mean , like you said , there's been so many times where I've thought the same , where I thought , oh my God , I've just screwed my kids up for life . But you know , being able to come back and even apologize and show like I'm not perfect , you know we're going to , we can work through this or I don't have all the answers , but like let's find those answers out together , it just sets the stage for them to build that resiliency at such a young age . So I love that so much . Thank you so much for being on today . I've really enjoyed our conversation . I'm so excited for your programs . They're absolutely phenomenal , you guys and I'm so grateful that you guys were able to tune in today . Thank you guys for tuning in where we help you conquer the chaos one day at a time .