Hey , hey , mamas , welcome back to Conquering Chaos a mom's guide to self-care insanity . I'm your host , sydney Crow , and today we have Tori Schirra and Tracy Stein , who are the unlikely housewives . Tracy and Tori are two moms who met and discovered that they shared the same feelings of discontentment and loneliness after moving their families across the country , stepping out in faith and believing that God calls the unlikely , they created a podcast to share their personal stories and encourage women to step out of their funk , not allow culture issues to hold them back , and walk with the Lord into who God created them to be , together in community . Welcome , ladies , thank you , thank you . I'm so excited you guys . We've connected a couple times and I'm just really grateful that we are able to have you guys on the show today . So why don't you tell the listeners a little bit of who you are and what you're all about ?
Speaker 3All right . Well , thank you , sydney , for having us on . So , for those that don't know our voices , my voice is Tracy , as the other one half of the Unlikely Housewives , and I am married to my husband , chris , for almost 19 years and we have four kids 15 , 13 , 11 , and 9 . So I am in the thick of what I like to call middle-aged mothering . My kids aren't out , my kids aren't young . It is the season of hormones and emotions and mental , spiritual growth , like all of the things . So that's the thick of my mothering right now .
Speaker 1Yes , yep , yep , yep . I am starting to get into that stage . My kids are a little bit younger , but that preteen hormones are starting , and it is a different ballgame altogether . Preteen hormones are starting , and it is a different ballgame altogether .
Speaker 2Yes , it is Well , and I'm Tori Shira . I am married to Andrew . We've been married for nearly 16 years this year and we have two girls . One is about to be 11 and the other one is about to be 10 . And so we knocked out that baby stage real quick , 17 months apart . And then , yeah , and so I'm in the stage where we are getting into the competitive sports and juggling all the schedules of , like this practice and this game , and where we , you know , and all that fun stuff and social calendars Cause now I'm their social planner Like mom , I want to play a date with so-and-so . Yeah , hold on .
Speaker 1Yeah , for sure it's . It definitely is a whole , whole different ball game , like it really . I mean , my kids are constantly like , mom , drive me here and I'm like , well , we have this and this and this and so scheduling all of that and the mixture of these hormones that are starting it is , I am , I'm right there with you .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 1Yep , yeah . So tell us a little bit about how you guys got connected , because I think that you know there was a level of what's the right word for this feeling very isolated at that time . I know you guys got your podcast started kind of right as the pandemic was kicking off or right after if memory is serving me right correct me if I'm wrong and you guys wanted to create a place where moms didn't feel so isolated and alone , and I completely , wholeheartedly respect that because that's where I was at that time . So fill the listeners in about what that's all about .
Speaker 3Well , when we started the podcast , we'd already been friends for about two to three years and the podcast , it's funny enough God knew that it was coming all along , because when he connected us those three years before , we were both in the place , like that we felt at the pandemic . We were at the beginning of our friendship . We both had just moved here . I was here about a year , even before she came . I came from Chicago , she came from Texas and we were both trying to settle into this new life of , like making friends in our you know , making new friends in our mid thirties and with our kids and trying to get into their schedules and figuring out life . And we did .
Speaker 3We felt alone and so when we found each other , we were like there for each other and we did this , you know , back and forth dance of what are you feeling ? Yeah , me too , you know , and that continued and then just tenfold into 2020 , we were , we got together , we would see each other during the pandemic and we would say , oh my gosh , I had this conversation with this friend , this is the way they're feeling . She's like , yeah , so am I . And then it just it really focused on the struggles in the marriage , you know , because spouses were home that weren't home , and then the kids being home and the homeschooling and being equipped and not being equipped , and we just went , we just had this dance that we were like , listen , we both feel this way and it's time for us to like do something about it . And so Tori and I then started having what we called our sauna sessions , because she had a light sauna and I'd go over there and that's really where it developed was in her sauna .
Speaker 1I love that . Sauna sessions that is amazing . And , yeah , probably like super therapeutic and healing all at the same time , so like exactly .
Speaker 2Yes , I need to get me a sauna session . Oh , we can hook you up . We love sunlight , so highly recommend .
Speaker 1I'll be coming down to Kansas .
Speaker 2Yes , yes , but no , Tracy's exactly right as far as and we , God made it just abundantly clear that , like , we have a voice and that we weren't the only ones . And so he just opened doors for us to create this podcast and we didn't know what we were doing at all . I mean , you , we have this idea of what , how podcasting can be . We took a course , we I , you know did some online conferences . I've even gone to in-person conferences for podcasting and it's a , it's an incredible medium and I love it because it it is a great community of people and they're so willing to help each other .
Speaker 2Like you don't get into podcasting to make money . You get into podcasting for the love and the value that you want to add , and that has been just the greatest joy you know of getting to like . Every once in a while , Tracy will get a text message from her friend hey , listen to this episode today and it was totally uplifting . Or , hey , I listened to this episode and I started following , you know , like the kindergartner who needs a kidney . So there were these moments of just like blessing for us and we just get to be part of it .
Speaker 1Yeah , that just makes my heart sore , because that is why I started my podcast . It's like you just want to lend a shoulder , you want to lend a helping hand . You know , as moms , motherhood can be very isolating and lonely , even when you have a strong community around you . Lots of times you're at home or you're juggling , going from work to home and figuring out all of the pieces and how the puzzle fits together , and there isn't a lot of room for yourself in there sometimes , especially in the beginning , as you're trying to figure that out . And so you know being that voice where moms can say like hey , you really just were a bright light in my day . You know it was 15 or 20 minutes where I could just unplug and feel really good . So , thank you .
Speaker 1I and you guys' podcast is phenomenal . You guys Unlikely Housewives is definitely one that you guys need to follow . So when you guys are building your episodes and working out your show , what are the things that you're looking for in terms of guests , in terms of you know shows ? How do you , how do you guys plan that out ? Honest answer is God .
Speaker 2I love it . I mean , we , we start with an idea in mind and it very rarely ever gets used because our ideas aren't what God's are the best life plans ? Yeah , exactly , and so it's . A lot of our guests have been people that we've been introduced to in some kind of scenario , whether I've been introduced to them from a business standpoint and networking , because I do that , or a Tracy has been introduced to them through a friend connection , like a friend of a friend . Hey , this is somebody you need to have on . And then we just we have little like moments of like . Okay , our goal , like our , our tagline is to bring the hope , light and humor to motherhood and marriage . That's , that's our goal .
Speaker 2We want now what some of the topics that we've discussed are very raw , as a fentanyl and what that's doing to the kids these days we've talked about . We've had two moms on who lost their kids to suicide . We've had , because those are all real feelings to . We've talked about infertility . We've talked about fostering kids and adoption . So , but we like to . I'm the friend that's the inappropriate one , that you can't sit next to at a funeral , like I'm the one that will make the jokes or like the side comments and make you laugh when you're really should not be laughing , because just that laughter is the best medicine , though it really is , come on .
Speaker 2And if you can't laugh , what fun is it ? And so my funeral is going to be a roast for anybody that wants to attend . I cannot wait . I know I don't mean it like that , I know , right , you totally mean it like that because it's going to be the best funeral ever .
Speaker 3You read the day , but I will honor you with the greatest . I read the day , but I will honor you with the greatest .
Speaker 2Yes you will , yes , you will , but that's that's what we like to do and that's how God has allowed us to
to . To bless others is just , you know , like the things that you don't think that you can laugh about , like we're like , but you can . I mean , sometimes you just have to , because if you don't laugh , you're going to cry . You're just going to flat out cry and go oh my gosh , I can't anymore .
Speaker 3And so and that's what I do . I'm the crier , and I'm the one that's full of emotion and I make Tori feel and she makes me lighten up and laugh .
Speaker 1So we are a good combo , yeah , and I just wanted to add .
Speaker 3She , you know , covered all of the topics so well in the real , in the rawness of it , and I think with our you know just why wide variety of guests , in speaking to marriage and motherhood and all the topics that she said in between .
Speaker 3You know , one of the greatest things that we all struggle with in culture right now is our faith , not that we're struggling with our faith . We know what we believe . We know that Christ is our Lord and Savior and that is who , that is our foundation . But we also know the greatest struggle right now is all the noise and all the distraction and everything that is going on , and so in every one of our episodes , we really do try to bring that back to the core of our messages . Not every single one is , you know , focused around there , but it is something that we absolutely believe in is just making sure that we bring that message home of hey , let's stay focused , let's quiet the distractions , let's quiet the noise and really tune into what it is that God's calling us to do in our hearts , in our marriages and in our mothering .
Speaker 1I mean that's a really powerful tool . I've recently started to lean into my faith a lot more . It was something that you know growing up with two very different parents and their beliefs was some it got lost along the way . Sports kind of took over and you know , I didn't really know where that fit into my life anymore and I'm really starting to lean into that a lot more . And it does give you that foundation of just like it's going to be okay . Everything is going to work out in the best possible way when you can lean into that , and so why don't you tell the listeners a little bit about how you help guide that or how you guys lean into that a little bit more ? So somebody like myself who's maybe like relearning that or learning how to do that for the first time in my adult life , what would you advise people like myself to do ?
Speaker 3I love that you asked that , because it's going to look different for everybody . So , first of all , give yourself grace and finding what works for you . I am a morning person , so I start my day off every single morning in the word . I have my little chair . I always have my coffee , open the Bible , and that is where I start my day every single morning . In the word . I have my little chair , I always have my coffee , open the Bible , and that is where I start my day .
Speaker 3Now , when I had littles , it wasn't like that . I did not wake up bright and early and ready to go . You know when you're waking up in the middle of the night , nursing and doing all the things , but I found my ways , whether it was just praying while I was folding laundry , or , you know , when you're driving in your minivan and your kids finally fall asleep and it's quiet , just turn off the music and that may be the only five minutes that I pray , you know , but just finding those little moments and if you connect with God just daily , that's your win for the day and you will want to grow more and more in that and seeking him and listening and just growing in that faith , the more and more you have those moments , listening and just growing in that faith , the more and more you have those moments . It's very rare when you can have that quiet in the chaos , as we all know , and we're talking about it , but it is possible because it gets you through the chaos .
Speaker 3Absolutely .
Speaker 2Well , and I would . I'm too . I am not a morning person . On the flip side , you will not find me with my Bible bright and early . Nobody wants to see that . But I am more of the I will listen to . I listened to the book the Bible on audible , which is a great . Just I put an air pod in and I'm doing things around the house . There are lots of pastors that I follow that have podcasts and do their sermons , and so I follow a lot of that .
Speaker 2And then something that people tend to forget is you don't need a devotional , you don't need a Bible study . Sometimes you can just actually all the time let me rephrase that all the time just open the Bible Like God will . God will put you where he wants and it . It's like I can't even count the number of times where I'm feeling something and just saying , like God , I don't , how am I supposed to feel about this , where am I supposed to be ?
Speaker 2And I'm literally open , opening the Bible , and I just skim a couple pages and then all of a sudden , that one verse pops up at me and I'm like , all right and it's . But it's him , he's just cool like that . I mean , he , he like when you speak him , you will find him and you just and , like Tracy said , the five minutes in the car in the carpool lane when you're praying , you know , and I , I worship , I listen to Christian music and I will sing at the top of my lungs and embarrass the crap out of my kids . That's my worship time too , with the , you know , and so like it . It doesn't have to be formal or official or anything , and I gave myself such like guilt and shame for not like sitting down and getting my coffee and doing that 10 to 15 minutes of reading the Bible . You know , it's like Tracy said , it's different for everybody and God wants it that way .
Speaker 1So , yeah , thank you guys for sharing
that . I mean , there's a lot of , I think , misconception around faith and religion and I think there's a lot of people that strive for that perfectionism in it . And when you feel like you're falling short , I think that's where a lot of people end up losing their faith , because they just feel like they can't live up to those measures .
Speaker 3Well , and can I just say that social media is such a huge proponent in that I mean , we all love social media for the goodness of what it can be but it does put in those thoughts in your head of like wow , I'm not even doing a good enough job in my , in my Bible study , I'm not even doing a good enough job of teaching my kids scripture or whatever .
Speaker 3I mean . It's about everything . You know , I watched this beautiful poet on Instagram and she just shared you know , there's a trend for everything on Instagram and you can absolutely tell yourself that you need to be on trend with this , this and this , and you go from the three things that you need to do in life , you know , to stay happy and healthy and totally content , and you have 100 things that you're constantly striving for and that , like inability to feel complete and feel okay , it's just impossible to reach , and so it is something that like less is more , you know , like just finding that , like quiet and that peace , like just that five minutes . It can be something that will give you the strength and courage to get through those long nights , you know , or long days , however it may be .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean , and I think that's a real like mirror or parallel for motherhood , right Like social media is definitely creating this like picture perfect window that so many people are seeing and they're feeling like they're falling short . Can you guys speak to that ?
Speaker 2Oh , absolutely Like I . You know it . There's a filter on everybody's social media post , whether it's an actual physical filter or whether it's the filter of like here . There's a filter on everybody's social media post , whether it's an actual physical filter or whether it's the filter of like here . I'm going to take a picture of my kitchen , this corner .
Speaker 2That's clean , but you don't see the behind me where all the dirty dishes are still there and that there's three piles of clean laundry that needs to be folded , that my children are literally getting clean clothes off of the kitchen table because I have not folded them yet .
Speaker 3Yes .
Speaker 2Like that's what people and I do . There are people out there that are being you know they're real and showing the wrongness , but again , there's that level of like you know who can be more real , like let me show you how real , real I am , you know , and this is stupid . Let me show you how real , real I am , you know , and it's just like , this is stupid . And you just kind of go like you know , like you said , that picture perfect idea of what life should be , but God doesn't have that for us . He he , um . The thief comes . The thief of joy is comparison , and so you can't have joy when you're thinking your life it should be this and this mess . And so you can't have joy when you're thinking your life it should be this and this mess . And there's nothing that the enemy wants more than to make you strive for things that God doesn't have in store for you at all . And so , because you're just going to be on this hamster wheel for the rest of your life , just going over and over and over again , and God's like if you could just stop and I will show you what I want for you , and that's right here . It's just right here , but we do , we get distracted , we buy the noise and the things that we're told that we have to have . And you know , our kids have to be in six different sports and they have to be have private lessons . And you know , like you said , I mean sports can very easily take over your family's life and you're not going to , you
know .
Speaker 2And the other thing too I I will say this like is Tracy and I are also very intentional that marriage , it needs to go . God , marriage , kids , yes , because if you don't take care of your marriage and your kids think that you know you you're doing everything for your kiddos . Like , when your kids move out , you're not going to know who your spouse is , you're going to have no idea who your husband is , and that's the relationship that God puts right underneath him and that our relationship with God is like . Marriage is the model of that . So like it is so important . I know I , I just my heart breaks when I hear a mom say haven't gotten . You know , my husband and I haven't gotten a trip away without the kids since before they were born , and now the kids are 13 and 14 . And you're like what , why , why , what you know like go go I'll watch them .
Speaker 2I mean , like , bring them over , just you know , the hotel downtown , go have one night to yourself , like you know , like because they do , we , we love our kids , we want to give them everything , and that's when we get lost , yeah , so speak to that a little bit Like what would you say , your top , you know , top tip or top three tips are to fostering that relationship above your kids tell your kids no , yes , yeah , no , full stop .
Speaker 2yeah , just tell them no . And then I would also just say , like verbally , tell them that where they are in the hierarchy of the family sometimes that's exactly what they need to hear is like okay , you understand that it goes god , then your dad , then it's you , and you have to , you have to act that out and show them like you have to show them that like , no , your , your daddy , is more important . So that means if you're talking with your husband and they interrupt , you don't talk to them . Yeah , you talk to daddy because you , that is more important , what he has to say to you , mom , that's more important . And having just like you know , like mommy and daddy are going to have our own little conversations . We get an hour together and you guys go figure it out , but this is way more important . So , trace , I know you've got a couple ideas .
Speaker 3I was going to say too . We call ourselves team Stein and have since our kids were little , and we always tell the kids daddy and I are a team , you know . So when a decision is made , whether dad made it or mom made it , we're a team . And I know it's hard because I am the soft one , I totally get it . They pull at mama's heartstrings , but I'm always like , please tell me what to do , Cause right now this is how I feel , you know calling him , and he's like totally hear what you're saying and know how you feel . But this is , we got to stand our ground on this . I'm like , okay , that's what I thought .
Speaker 1But you know , you know those kinds of conversations , Just kind of second guess yourself a little bit .
Speaker 3Yes , yes , but we're a team in those decisions , you know . And the other thing I want to say is I tell people this all the time constantly check in with your spouse , grow together . Check in with your spouse , grow together , like we obviously did this podcast , you know , when we started this three years ago , we were Tori and I were both well into a different business and we were doing different things , and when we brought this to our husbands , like we had to have them on board , you know , and and then support , because this was going to change what our future looked like . It was going to change our timeframe . It was . We didn't know what God was going to do with our businesses and where we are now with our podcast , but we had to have our husband's support in that , and that took being able to share , like your dreams . And this is where I really feel God calling me to and listening to each other , because the Holy spirit is talking to each one of us , you know . And so we need to be able to bring come together in our marriage and have those conversations .
Speaker 3And then I just wanted to share a book that I just have absolutely loved recently . It's called Loving Him Well by Gary Thomas . It is a phenomenal read for wives to , really . I think the subtitle says practical advice on influencing your husband . Not influencing him to be who you want him to be , but being the influence that God wants you to be on him and in your marriage . And it is so good , and just a good reminder that you know all men are going to fall short .
Speaker 3Ladies , they are , you know . Granted , obviously there's certain circumstances and certain marriages that you know I'm not about to even , you know , talk about , cause I know there are some that don't end well . However , you know it is something that we can . There is change that can be done and there is healing that can take place . I , from personal experience , we have healed and healed our marriage multiple times and that is why I can speak to it that you have to continue to grow together and work on it , because it's just not something that's just you get married and sign those papers and yay , it's great from here on out .
Speaker 1It takes work . Yeah , I mean well , because you guys have been together for 19 years and you've been married to your husband Tori for 16 years . I've been married to my husband , husband Tori , for 16 years . I've been married to my husband this year will be 14 years , but we were together five years before that .
Speaker 1So like I started dating him when I was 21 . I am not the same person . I was at 21 that I am at almost 40 .
You know we've been together for half my life . Like we had to grow up together . We had to go and adapt .
Speaker 2Am I getting to that number ? Sorry , my , my story is very similar . I met him when I was 19 . So I'm like , oh my God , I'm almost 40 . Oh my God , I've been doing the math half my life .
Speaker 1Okay , sorry .
Speaker 2We're rounding that bend . That's an ugly thought . Sorry , okay , I'm better . I'm better , I'm shaking it off . Okay , that's fine . You're good .
Speaker 1But yeah , I mean , it is like you . You really do have to constantly grow and come together and reevaluate things , like there's been plenty of times where I've been like this is really what I'm leaning into and I need your support . And you know , sometimes it hasn't been a smooth transition .
Speaker 3Not always is . We've both been there too , so it's not . Yeah , we don't want you to think that it was like , hey , we want to do a podcast and they're like , okay , great , sign off no that's a lot of conversation , they're like you want to be vulnerable and put our stories out there . You want to talk about this publicly . You know there was a lot of questions , yeah .
Speaker 2Which also reminds me . We have had our husbands on our podcast and they are some of our most popular episodes .
Speaker 1They are some of our most popular episodes . I'll have to keep that in mind .
Speaker 2Yes , this definitely makes for a good one . But I will say this too and if you're in a marriage right now where you feel like you're the only one that has faith , or you're the only one that sticks around or that wants to stick around , don't give up . Lean into God because he will provide . Even if you're the only one that's willing to work on your marriage , it is 50% better because you are showing up . Know that . So it is so important because I do think , especially with the laws , no fault , divorce has made it real .
Speaker 2I'm gonna say easy in parentheses here for people just to say like okay , I'm split . All we have to do . Like okay , I'm split , all we have to do is split things Right . But now we do need to be together . Like we need to lean on God because he's going to hold , like marriage is something that he wants for us , like that is part of his perfect plan , and so don't give in or think that you are alone If you're the only one wanting to work on it .
Speaker 2I've definitely been in a space where I thought that I I had to be the spiritual leader of our house , because there was a season where my husband was not and then I was the only one that wanted to work on it . I was the one going to the counseling , I was the one I did it . But like God God I mean , he is faithful . He is so , so faithful . So I just want to encourage you if you're not , if you think like but he doesn't even work on it , or he doesn't want to , or he won't do this study with me , or he won't go to counseling with me , your , your marriage , can turn around , even if it's just you working on it . It absolutely can .
Speaker 1I love that . I mean , and that's a really powerful piece of advice for the listeners out there , because a lot of times , women do feel like they're doing it alone , and I'm sure that there's some men out there that feel like they're doing it alone sometimes too , so I don't want to leave them excluded , but we definitely do are talking to the moms here . So if there was one last piece of advice that you would love to give the listeners out there , what would that look like for you guys ?
Speaker 3Mine would just be keep going . There are a million and one seasons you're going to roll through in motherhood and in marriage , and I've been through a lot . I've been through some really hard ones . We've been through I had postpartum depression . We went through my daughter's head anxiety like severe anxiety , you know and just all kinds of things . You know spaces in our marriage where we thought it was over . And to just keep going and growing and don't give up and , just like Tori said a thousand times , lean into God , because if it wasn't for his strength and it wasn't for his grace and mercy , I would not be where I am today . Our marriage wouldn't be , our kids wouldn't be walking with the Lord , because if I would have given up , where would not be where I am today ? Our marriage wouldn't be , our kids wouldn't be walking with the Lord , because if I would have given up , where would they be ? You ?
Speaker 3know , so it's , it's , just just keep going .
Speaker 2I love that I would say . My advice would be to you have a voice , use it . There are different audiences . Not everybody is called to start a podcast and talk , but maybe it's .
Speaker 2You start with a circle of friends , three or four friends that are like-minded , and you go okay , we're all on the same page faith-wise , politically , like and then you have your people like , and then you know God will have your voice wherever , and sometimes it's just he just wants you to say one thing to somebody . But you know in your heart , like , when you're supposed to say something and you're like no , it's awkward , I'm standing in the shopping cart line . She's going to think I'm weird , like , do it anyways . Do it anyways , because sometimes that mom , you don't know what she's going through and it may just be a simple thing of just like hey , I really like your shoes , and that might just make her absolute weak . But if you don't use your voice like and even though it's awkward and weird , and you're like , ah , she has no idea what I'm , you know she's gonna think I'm crazy . He has , he has something for those , just that little thing that he wants you to say . So just be obedient in that and use your voice .
Speaker 1That is really powerful , because there's so many times where I found myself biting my tongue and then regretting it afterwards . So thank you for sharing that for the listeners . I'm going to heed both of your guys's advice . Where can the listeners ?
Speaker 3find you guys Unlikely Housewives on Instagram and Unlikely Housewives podcast on Facebook .
Speaker 2Perfect , you can also go to our websitecom and then you can listen to our podcast that comes out weekly on any podcast player Apple , Spotify , all the ones of Unlikely Housewives .
Speaker 1Wonderful . Well , we'll make sure to include a lot of those links in the show notes . You guys , thank you guys so much for being here today . I really enjoyed getting to know you guys and having you guys as guests , and thank you guys for tuning into today's episode where we help you conquer the chaos one day at a time .