The Hangout
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The Hangout
#91 Erica Alfaro: Author and International Keynote Speaker
CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussions of domestic abuse and may therefore be upsetting to some listeners.
What does it take to rise from a life filled with hardships to one of success and inspiration? On this episode of the Hangout Podcast, we are joined by Erica Alfaro. Erica opens up about her childhood spent between Tijuana and San Diego, grappling with language barriers and the challenges of teen motherhood, before finding the courage to change her life's trajectory inspired by her parents’ unwavering support.
In this heartfelt episode, Erica shares her transformative journey from fearing public speaking to commanding international stages with authenticity and passion. Her encounter with Toastmasters becomes a pivotal chapter, illustrating how embracing one's true self can lead to unexpected opportunities and profound personal growth. As we reflect on the themes of resilience and perseverance, Erica’s story serves as a powerful reminder that adversity can indeed be a stepping stone to greatness.
Check out Erica’s book Harvesting Dreams: https://a.co/d/hQoPziQ
To learn more about Erica and to book a speaking engagement visit her website: https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.ericaalfaro.com/&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwj40IDK4OmJAxW_FDQIHR-sFxEQFnoECB8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw3T-7eucYKBbAeC_Czn9we2
Welcome to the Hangout Podcast. I'm your host, David Shoretta. Come on in and hang out. In this episode, I was privileged to have a conversation with Erika Alfaro. Erika is an international keynote speaker. She's also an award-winning author and an education advocate who inspires audiences with her story of overcoming adversity and achieving academic success that had gone viral. This was a very inspiring and motivational conversation and learning process for me, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you, Erica. Welcome to the Hangout podcast. It's a real honor and a privilege to have you joining us today from I think you're in Guadalajara, Mexico, right now. Right?
Speaker 2:That is correct. Thank you so much for having me. The honor is mine.
Speaker 1:I thought we would start with, rather than me asking you to tell your life story, I wanted to give you a prompt, which is this photo, which is the famous photo, and obviously this is an audio podcast. So maybe you could start by describing the history of that photo and then kind of what led up to it. Then we'll go from there as you kind of unpack your story for us.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, of course Well. Oh yes, of course Well. My name is Erica Alfaro. I am the proud daughter of migrant farm workers. In 2019, my graduation picture where I'm standing in a strawberry field with my parents went viral and made headlines around the world, and that is the famous picture that made my story known among other students in my community.
Speaker 1:And tell us you're very humble with that in terms of famous and well-known, but tell us a little bit more about what was so significant about that photo. You didn't need to go out to the strawberry field to have a photographer take that right. What was so deeply meaningful about that for you?
Speaker 2:There's three things that are very meaningful for me.
Speaker 2:One of them is that both of my parents came to this country looking for a better life, and they have always worked in the fields.
Speaker 2:The second reason is because, when I was 13 years old, my mother took me to work in the tomato fields, and when I was complaining about the job, my mother told me if you want a better life, you need to get an education. That memory completely changed my life, because when I was going through a difficult moment, that memory of my mom made me decide to go back to school. And the third reason why I took that picture is because when, a week before my graduation ceremony, I wanted to surprise my mother, I put my cap and gown, I walk into her room and I told her mamita lo logramos. And in that moment, seeing my mom get very emotional, this strong woman who I have never seen vulnerable when I was a child, in that moment I decided that I wanted to do something special, something meaningful, because I'm not the only. Not only am I the first woman in my family to get a master's degree, but I'm also the first woman in my family to get a formal education. I'm the first one that knows how to read and write.
Speaker 1:In my family, Talk to us a little bit about what led up to you kind of jumped ahead to a master's degree, which is what this photo is for, right From San Diego State. Correct? That is correct, yes, but take us back to the trials and tribulations that you had as a young girl, because from reading your book I recall that you did part of your elementary education in Tijuana, part in San Diego. You kind of went back and forth, depending on the fortunes of your family, and then you ended up kind of moving into the northern part of San Diego County and the challenge. So talk us, talk our listeners through that.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, so I was born in Fresno, california, but I was little when my mom was deported, and so I grew up in Tijuana, mexico. I was 13 years old when my family decided to return to the United States, and when I came back to the United States, I didn't know how to speak English. I struggled so much in school that I used to think the school was just not for me. Then, at the age of 15, I found out that I was pregnant. I dropped out of high school, I moved to Fresno with my baby's father and I lived many years of domestic abuse. But my life took a turn the night that my baby's father forced me and my nine-month baby to sleep outside the house and in the midst of despair. That's when the memory came to my mind, the memory of my mother telling me if you want a better life, you need to get an education. And that is the reason why I decided to go back to school and I enrolled in New Millennium Charter School in Fresno, california, in.
Speaker 1:New Millennium Charter School in Fresno, california. Before I ask you about the charter school, I was so touched. Well, there were a lot of parts of the book that I was touched by. I'm not a big crier, but when I thought of the moment when you were forced to sleep outside and you kind of had to choose between your own warmth and the warmth of your son, right To kind of shelter your son with your jacket as you're forced to sleep out there, what gave you? I know you had this memory of your mom, but there's so many moments in the book when I think, wow, this young girl because you were a girl at the time had such internal strength and fortitude. Does that come from your parents? Does that come from watching the struggles that your parents went through and also perhaps the struggle that your grandmother went through? Can you talk to us kind of about those multiple generations of really strong but also really tough women?
Speaker 2:Yes, well, in my family and my culture, both of my grandmothers they were forced into marriage when they were 13 years old, and all my life I saw my grandma sacrificing everything for her family, and then it was almost the same with my mother. My mother didn't experience domestic violence, but I saw her sacrificing so much for us, her children, and when it was my turn to be a mother, my biggest goal was to protect my son. And I learned that from the female around me, from my grandma, my mom.
Speaker 1:When it was the moment to decide between my son and me, I decided my son, because that's what I learned in my family that as a mother, I had to put my son first a lot in your story, but I was also touched by the part of the book where you talk about going back to visit your grandmother as she's near the end of her life and you were ashamed by having left the father of your child and you kind of didn't know if you should tell her that. And can you walk us through and then what she said to you?
Speaker 2:Yes, and so when I decided to end the abusive relationship, my aunts, or some members of the family females they will tell me that I have to stay with him because he was my baby's father and then, regardless of the violence, that I had to be strong and do it for my son. But when I decided to end the abusive relationship, I was criticized by many people in my family and also my community, because no one before has done what I did. But grandma being the most submissive woman and not knowing how to speak Spanish, she speaks a dialect, mixteco. She was very submissive. She never made a comment, she never criticized me, she'll just observe what I was doing. She was just like, look at me but never say anything.
Speaker 2:And for a long time I wonder what she was thinking. But I never there to ask, not until she was sick and I was taking care of her. And in that, in that moment, out of impulse, I just asked her Grandma, do you think that I, that I did wrong, that I took the wrong decision for leaving my son without a father? When my mother, when my grandma, responded I wish I was as brave as you. She did two things to me. First, it's like it's like if she broke those chains of shame. And second, she made me realize that that she admired me and that I didn't do nothing wrong. And somehow she created a stronger version of me, because in that moment I decided that I was going all in and that I was going to dream big and that everything that my grandma couldn't accomplish I was going to accomplish, because now it was in honor to her.
Speaker 1:And at that time was your grandfather still alive.
Speaker 2:No, he wasn't my grandfather. He passed away like four years before my grandma.
Speaker 1:So, but the men in your family of that generation, they saw your educational achievements correct as you continued to yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, even my grandpa. I was in community college. I graduated from community college. When grandpa came to visit me and I showed him some pictures and grandpa was just very surprised because when I took him to eat I was driving a car and for him that was very impressive. And he was like, wow, my, my, my nieta. And he would say my nieta, my nieta es una chingona, like she's a badass. And seeing my grandpa feel so proud to have a strong woman in the family, for him it was like something new knew.
Speaker 2:And the last memory that I have of grandpa is when I was showing him the pictures of my graduation from community college. I told him, grandpa, I'm going to continue my education and one day I will have a career and I will buy you shoes, I will buy you the boots that you want. And grandpa will smile. And then I remember he told me I don't think I'll be here, but I know that you will do it. And so he didn't get to see the magnitude of my accomplishments.
Speaker 2:But something that grandpa always said throughout our childhood was the pridness that a Mexican man feels for his last name, alfaro, and grandpa's Alfaro. So we will always say us, alfaros, we're strong. He will always feel so proud of his last name and now that his last name was all over the news, even though that grandpa was no longer here, I feel that like, somehow, like he was there with me because their national city put a mural with my picture. San Diego County declared October 5th as Erika Alfaro's day. My picture is in the San Francisco Museum. Harvesting Dreams won the International Latino Book Award. There's like a mini movie portrayed by actors. There's so many things in my grandpa's last name is everywhere.
Speaker 1:It's really powerful to think about the fact that you know it's almost like even after death we still have the opportunity to change right. If you think about I mean not literally, but symbolically you think about your grandfather as he's getting near the end of his life and he's impressed that a woman in the family can do these, as you say, badass things, and then, even after death, you continue to bring even more honor to the family name, and so that must give you a lot of peace. It gives you a lot of peace.
Speaker 2:It gives me a lot of peace because grandpa, even though that he didn't get to see in person everything that is happening right now, he was able to see that he has, that he has a strong granddaughter, and he was able to see a different type of woman in the family, something that he has never seen. And so, before he passed away, he was able to tell me how proud he was of me, and when I told him that I was going to continue my education, he did look at me. He said I know you will do it. And just with that, I can see that he did try to change somehow. Even the last memory that I have of him is when I went to visit him and he was making salsa for my grandma, something that he has never touched the kitchen before and seeing that on his last days he tried to change, and that means a lot to me.
Speaker 1:That's a beautiful story. That means a lot to me.
Speaker 2:That's a beautiful story.
Speaker 1:I want to pivot a little bit and talk about your son. Yes, I won't say too much, I'll let you tell us about the journey, right? You and your son grew up together. Yes, I didn't really say that, right? So talk us through that up together.
Speaker 2:Yes, let me say that right. So talk us through that. My son is now 19 years old, but I became a single mom at the age of 18. He was almost three, and so I was. Now that I see my son, I was literally a baby raising another baby, and I had to be a single mom. I had to be a mom and a dad for him, because his dad, once we separated, he, was no longer part of our lives, and and so for me, being a student in a charter school, the only reason why I was able to graduate from from high school, was thanks to the support that I received from my professors, from my teacher, mr Lee, at the charter school.
Speaker 2:But there were so many times that I wanted to give up.
Speaker 2:I almost gave up like three or four times, but Mr Lee didn't let me. And, being a single mother, and, and for me, there was a lot of shame, there was a lot of guilt, there was a lot of sacrifices, and I feel that now that I think about it, I'm not really sure where I got the strength from, because all I wanted to do was survive and I just wanted to give my son a better life. Give my son a better life. That was my major goal, and my biggest goal was to get a high school diploma so that I could start working at 99 cents as a cashier and make a little bit more of money. So that was my biggest goal. But I didn't know that there was a different world out there, and so, being a single mom, your main focus is to give a better life to your son, and that was mine, and I thought that by getting a high school diploma and having a good job as a cashier, I was able I was going to be able to raise my son without struggling.
Speaker 1:And your son. Your son had had significant health challenges.
Speaker 2:Yes. Well, when I graduated from high school, my Luisito he was two. He was three years old, and then I started community college. When I graduated from community college, I was admitted at Cal State San Marcos and my son was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was five years old. He was five years old, His speech level was of a two-year-old, he couldn't run. And when he was diagnosed, as a mother, all I wanted to know was why, and I asked the specialist what causes cerebral palsy? He gave me many explanations, but as soon as he said brain injury during pregnancy, it's like everything stopped. That was the beginning of many months of depression. I was academically disqualified from Cal State San Marcos and I just focused on my son's occupational therapy speech therapy.
Speaker 2:As a single mom, getting a bachelor's was no longer my goal. Well, I was disqualified, so I thought that I couldn't go back. But two years later, a year and a half later, when I was getting Luisito ready for school, he asked Mom, do you have a career already? Remember that every day you used to say that one day you were going to have a career, that we were going to buy a house and have a puppy, and when you make a promise. This is something that I learned from my parents when you make a promise, you have to do it. And when I realized that my son remembered all those promises and not only that, hearing him speak so clearly for the first time, it was like a miracle, and so in that moment, I told him Papi, mommy just took a small break, and when I decided to go back, giving up was no longer an option. Back, giving up was no longer an option, and I was elected to be the commencement speaker of my graduation ceremony in 2017.
Speaker 1:I know that the doctors had given you a range of explanations, but it's pretty clear in the book that you believe that that was due to the domestic abuse that you suffered correct.
Speaker 2:That is correct, yes, and that is because when I was pregnant, his father will abuse me, he will hit me. He consumed drugs so he was not careful of the places where he hit me and even though the doctors didn't tell me oh, it was because of injury during pregnancy, but the doctors mentioned it as an option. And in my mind all those memories made me think that, yes, it's because of that. And then I started blaming myself and also having a lot of resentment against his father myself and also having a lot of resentment against his father.
Speaker 1:But then you reach a point in your life correct, where you reach a place of forgiveness. There's a beautiful letter that you include in your book where you write a letter to Hector, the father of your son. Can you tell us about that?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 2:So when my son was diagnosed, I have never in my life hated someone so much the way I hated his father, and that caused a lot of depression, anxiety, and then I realized that everything that I was feeling was only hurting me and not the other person, and I decided that I wanted to live in peace, and to do that I had to be able to forgive, and at first it was difficult because I never got to tell him hey, I forgive you, but I wrote it, and I wrote a letter saying I forgive you for everything that happened.
Speaker 2:And also I put myself in his shoes and I realized not to justify him, but I realized that he had a very difficult childhood, extremely difficult, and that a person that is hurt is a person that hurts another person. And so I decided to write a letter to him telling him I've noticed all those scars in your back, I noticed all those injuries in your body. I've noticed. I know that you went through a lot and I just want to let you know that I forgive you, like from the bottom of my heart. I forgive you and I wish the best for you and till this day, I have no resentment against no one and I still pray for him. I hope he's okay, but that letter liberated me and that is the reason why I live in so much peace.
Speaker 1:And I'm assuming, at some point you talked to your son about it as well- yes, well, my son, now that he's 19.
Speaker 2:Well, in the book I didn't put a story because it has not. Once I wrote the book, like a few months later, luisito wanted to see his father. So we went to visit him in prison and Luisito got very vulnerable. When he saw his father he started crying. And Luisito was not at that time, he was 13,. But he was not a boy that will easily cry, he's like a little bit strong. And seeing my Luisito cry like breaking down, crying the way that he was crying as soon as he saw his dad, breaking down, crying the way that he was crying as soon as he saw his dad, it made me understand that deep inside it hurt him that he didn't have a father next to him. And I never told Luisito about the domestic abuse but his father did, because every time that Luisito will ask me well, what happened between my dad and?
Speaker 1:you and I just.
Speaker 2:I would just tell him well, things didn't work out. We used to fight a lot. And his father did tell him your mom was nice to me, but I messed up, I did this, I, I, I hit her and she didn't deserve the way I treated her. And then, in that moment, luisito heard it from his father and not me. And ever since then, for a while, he didn't ask for his father anymore the way he used to ask.
Speaker 1:And then it also in some way must have been somewhat of a liberation for him as well. At least it answered some questions, right.
Speaker 2:It did, it did. But I also told him hey, luisito, I don't know how you feel about what your father shared with you, but if there's any resentment that you might have, you also need to forgive him. And he just nodded. And Luisito is also a boy, that he's a very happy boy, very positive, and so I don't see my son as a person that has resentment.
Speaker 1:In learning about your life. There were so many things that were very humbling, but what really struck me was they're like these critical times that are times of darkness, and then there's some ray of light that happens. So, for example, describe being outdoors in the middle of the night with your infant, and then you think of you think of your mom. And then there are other things, like when you went to. Is it called New Millennium? Yes, and so tell us how you actually. I mean, mr Lee was inspirational, but before you got to, mr Lee, you had to enroll there. So talk us through that process, cause I read it and I just started laughing out of like relief and also like wow, this is a tough girl.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. When I took the decision to go back to school is one of those moments when you're determined to do it Like. And when I arrive at Neo Millennium Charter School, when I arrived at the reception area, I arrived by myself, with my son, and the receptionist told me that my parents had to enroll me, and at that time I was 16. My parents were living in Tijuana, Mexico, four hours like almost five hours away from Neo Millennium Charter School, and for me to get to that school I had to count the coins. I didn't have any more money to just go back and I said, no, I need to enroll.
Speaker 2:And when I saw a Hispanic woman with her son they were just leaving I didn't think twice. I just went and I told her can you tell them that you're my mother? And at first she was confused, but I was very persistent and so she decided to go back with me. I had just told the receptionist, less than five minutes ago, that my parents were in Tijuana, Mexico, and when I walked back with this lady and I said she's my mother, she couldn't say nothing. She just handed the paperwork and that day I got enrolled and I never saw that lady again.
Speaker 1:Clearly, the woman working at the school knew, the mom knew and they just. It was one of those beautiful moments, right when it was like we're going to help this person who needs it.
Speaker 2:Yes, the receptionist, that lady and I, we all went then one day say no, I'll come back. My parents were not around, and that is something that, till this day, I'm very grateful with this lady I don't know. I don't know her name, I don't. I only have like a small image of her, but it was because of her that I was able to enroll to this charter school and meet Ms Shelley.
Speaker 1:It's so interesting how tiny little moments they actually are not little at all right, they completely can change the trajectory of our lives. Yes, that really struck me about your story. Tell us about the role of Toastmasters, because I was very touched by that story and they always say that we're all afraid of two things in life taxes and public speaking. So talk to us about Toastmasters and then what you learned, and then also bring us up to the present moment in terms of what you do as part of your professional duties.
Speaker 2:Of course. Well, first of all, not knowing how to speak English, coming from an abusive relationship with low self-esteem, I was not only afraid of public speaking, I was terrified, and for a long time when I was in college, I would rather take the lower grade instead of making a presentation, instead of presenting, the lower grade, instead of making a presentation instead of presenting. But when I was in my last semester of Cal State, san Marcos, I was given an assignment where I had to present for 25 minutes and I was like there's no way I'll be able to do that. And when I went to talk to the teacher as usual and I told her I cannot present in public, I'm afraid of public speaking, she told me that that presentation was 25% of my grade and that if I didn't give that presentation, I wouldn't pass her class. And that's when I started.
Speaker 2:By that time I was listening to motivational videos, I was reading some personal growth books and Toastmasters was mentioned several times. And so when I decided, ok, I need to face my fear of public speaking, and I decided to Google Toastmasters and I realized that there were so many local clubs of Toastmasters around me, but it took me another like two months to finally they meet everyone. So I remember driving home, like from school to home, and I will put my my direction to go to the left because Toastmasters was on the left and I will put it. And I was like never mind, and I'll go back. And I did that for like two months. But when I finally decided to join, the first thing noticed, I joined a Toastmasters in Carlsbad it's like a fancy place. And so I was the only Latina in that club. Everyone was white, american in their 60s, 70s and with perfect English, and I was like, oh no, as soon as they look away, I'm just walking out. This is not for me, but Toastmasters, if you ever visit Toastmasters, everyone is very welcoming and if there's a new guest, they make sure that the new guest is like well received. And when I joined Toastmasters at first, I didn't like see myself presenting or anything. I just wanted to face the fear of public speaking. And I remember my first presentations, presenting for four minutes, and the feeling of like not being able to look at the audience, looking in the floor, shaking, like it was terrible. And but I was committed into facing that fear in maybe like six months later.
Speaker 2:Toastmasters every year has this event where they there's like a speech contest, and a reporter was going to run against another person, and so they prepare that meeting to have a speech contest, but the other person didn't show up, and so they. So they asked me erica, and we have already planned this meeting to be a speech contest. Will you be able to help? Her name was Diane, diane, so that she can present and so that I can be a speech contest. And I said yes, of course I can do that. And I presented a little, a small part of my story, the story where I talk about forgiveness, and like I made it into a story and I won. I won the speech contest and I was in shock. I didn't think I was going to win. I even got a standing ovation. And then they sent me to the speech contest, the bigger, the biggest one, and people will tell me you have a beautiful way of telling stories. And I'm like, really, but I was not.
Speaker 2:I didn't have that ability of being able to speak in public. I was still shaking, I was still looking in the floor, I was um, and, and so I decided to keep practicing and practicing and eventually I became the president of that club and then the area director, and then I started training with people like Les Brown, lisa Nichols and other famous keynote speakers. And then one day, college invited me to speak in college and they said what are? They asked me, what are your speaking piece? And I said oh, no, no, no. I do it this out of my heart. It's my passion to help others. And what I didn't know is that Toastmasters was going to be the beginning of my career as an international keynote speaker, because that's what I do now. I speak in 10 to 12 different places around the country, across the country and Mexico, sharing my story, and that's what I do for a living.
Speaker 1:So that's, yeah, what a journey, right? I think it sounds like part of the well. Not, it sounds like it really is, at least from my perspective. It's that authenticity in a story is more powerful than than anything else. Yeah, and have, as you say, perfect English, but if the story is not authentic, it does doesn't resonate with people.
Speaker 2:Yes, and something that I forgot to put in my book. Not that I forgot to put in my book, but I didn't become the commencement speaker of my graduation ceremony for having the best grades. So it turns out that Cal State, san Marcos, every year before the commencement ceremony they let the students from the communication department audition so that they can be the commencement speakers. And when I decided to audition, I didn't know that, I just decided to do it. And when I was in line another thing that I noticed again I was the only Latina line. Another thing that I noticed again, I was the only Latina and there were, like the students that were in line with me. They were white, american and one of them turns and asks me what are you planning to do with your communication major? And I said oh no, no, my bachelor's is in psychology. And so he looked at me very confused and then said oh well, all the students that are auditioning are communication majors, and that made me feel so little.
Speaker 2:But then there's something that a Toastmasters will always say during the meeting and they will always say this is the best club in the universe. And so I started telling myself that, well, maybe you're not, you didn't study communication, but you're a member of the best club in the universe. And when I auditioned I decided to do it from my heart, not expecting to win. But then I was selected to be the commencement speaker and I auditioned against hundreds of other communication students and that's what really completely changed my life Toastmasters and auditioning. Because Toastmasters prepared me and gave me that confidence to think okay, I come from the best club in the universe. I took it as literal, like literal literal, and because of that audition my story became known in the community and they published an article that they titled From Teen Mom to College Graduate. A business owner read that article and decided to pay for my master's program. And then my master's picture went viral and I became a speaker on demand.
Speaker 1:Wow, I was going to read this excerpt from your book, but you got there ahead of me where you said you received an email and you use a pseudonym in the book. Obviously, this person wants to remain anonymous. She had read that article and she says I read the article that was published about you. This is my number. There's something important I want to talk to you about. I'll be waiting for your call. That gave me chills. When I read that I was like ah. So you called her up and she said I'm going to pay for your continued studies.
Speaker 2:And then when she said that no one has ever done something like that for me and I come from a background where I was criticized I was in a journey that felt very lonely. And then getting her email and hearing that from her, I didn't know how to process it. At first I was like, is she pranking me? Like, is this for real?
Speaker 1:So what types of organizations? I'm curious, what types of organizations do you speak at? You said you do 10 to 12 speeches a year. Is that about what you do? One a month or so?
Speaker 2:I do about 55 keynotes a year and I do about 10 to 12 per month. Just this week I was in El Paso, texas, I was in Manchester and today I'm in Guadalajara, mexico. I have an event tomorrow, and so I speak for universities, colleges, conferences, and most of the people that invite me are community colleges and universities so that we can talk to students, because one of the biggest problems for first-generation college students is retention. They don't feel motivated or they feel like an imposter, and so by hearing my story, they get hope and it shows them that hard moments in life are not there to stop them but to make them stronger. And so I present. I give about like 10 to 12 presentations per month so you you just came from.
Speaker 1:Tina told me that you came from New Hampshire. Right, you did Manchester to Guadalajara so you had East Coast cold weather and now you're in weather again. Yeah, I went to college in maine, so I I I remember how those the east coast at the wind in the wintertime can be, can be chilly, so you get to travel a lot then for for the game yes, I get to travel a lot and it's many schools use my books.
Speaker 2:My book is available in many libraries in California and many schools, especially the ESL programs, community colleges, some charter schools they use my books in their classrooms and so I also do Q and A's with students. I actually offer free 30 minute Q and A's with students that read my book so that they can have a conversation with me and ask me any questions.
Speaker 1:But the main thing that I do is the presentations in person, the keynotes this because just because you get good at something doesn't mean that it doesn't make you nervous, right? I'm sure that you know there are these stories about Michael Jordan before important games and LeBron James. They still feel like they're going to throw up. Right, they get nervous. Do you still? Do you have a little bit of nerves right before?
Speaker 2:Yes, so I have delivered over 350 paid keynotes in the last five years. I started my career as a keynote speaker seven years ago, but in the last five years is when I've been super busy. And that was a question that I had for a long time, like when am I going to stop feeling nervous Because I feel super nervous like before presenting, nervous because I feel super nervous like before presenting? And when I was training with this keynote speaker that is very well known, let me share Les Brown. I asked him that question when am I going to stop feeling nervous? And he said never. You're never going to stop feeling nervous, and the day that you stop feeling nervous, please look for something else to do.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh, okay, and that is because I truly care. Every time before I speak, I know that there's someone out there that needs to hear the message. I care so much and that gets me nervous. I care so much and that gets me nervous, but at the same time, I change that energy and I change it from okay, I feel very excited. I'm here to serve, I'm here to make a difference, and then so I start switching it and I've learned how to manage it in a point that when I'm on stage, people will think that I'm not nervous because I look very confident. But that's the training that I have received to look very confident in the outside, even though I feel that my heart is going to pop out.
Speaker 1:There's this story about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the famous basketball player that supposedly before every game he would get sick. He would throw up in the bathroom and they would be in the locker room, would get sick. He would throw up and in the bathroom and they would be in the locker room and they'd hear him throw up and then they'd say, okay, we're ready to go out and play, like he's our superstar and he's ready. And there was one game yeah, they were out on the court and the coach turns to him and says, hey, did you get sick? He said no, no, thank thank god, I didn't get sick. The coach said go back in there and get sick before we start.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's that little edge, right as you say, the butterflies that remind you that how much you care.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly Exactly. And there has been some like little minute like moments not that I don't feel nervous, like maybe I'm like, okay, I got this and I feel confident, but then when I'm presenting, it doesn't sound the same. And maybe I'm like, okay, I got this and I feel confident, but then when I'm presenting it doesn't sound the same, and so I'm like, okay, just let yourself feel it. Like the same way is like it's okay to feel it. So I always feel it, I always feel nervous.
Speaker 1:In your book you mention in several occasions kind of reflecting back on the younger yourself. Kind of reflecting back on the younger yourself. What if you could go back in time? Now? You're an adult with a great career and a beautiful son and, just as you say, your family name even more proud than before? You've honored your parents, your grandparents, but what advice would you give your I'm going to go all the way back to like age 13, before you really spoke fluent English. What would you go back and tell your young self then? That you know now about what life would turn out to be?
Speaker 2:well, I think that the first thing that I will tell her is that I'm proud of her. Um, I think that for a long time, she was looking for that attention or that love outside of her and I. So that's the first thing. I will tell her that I'm proud of her, and I will tell her that no one is responsible of her happiness or her life, that she is, and that, whatever decision she takes, that she will either learn something or that she will win something, and so I will encourage her to be strong and to keep moving forward and give her a hug.
Speaker 2:I would just tell her that I'm proud of her, because I feel that one of the most difficult things to do is to tell yourself that you're proud of you, even if you're doing so much. And we're always thinking like, oh, I could have done it better or you should have done this. But at the end of the day, we're humans, we're not perfect, and as long as we're moving forward and we're trying but at the end of the day, we're humans, we're not perfect, and as long as we're moving forward and we're trying, we're doing the right thing, and that's what I want her to understand. That's what I want her to know.
Speaker 1:And I think that that's a story. I'm sure that you find that in your speeches all around the world that you go to make presentations, that there's so many people who don't give themselves permission to be gracious with themselves, to forgive themselves for things to care about themselves. They blame themselves or they look to external things to validate themselves Exactly.
Speaker 2:Yes to external things to validate themselves.
Speaker 1:Exactly. Yes, you've been very generous with your time. I have one last question for you, but before I get there, is there anything that I haven't touched on, that you were hoping to share today or that have kind of been rattling around in your head, and I've interrupted you too many times for you to get it out.
Speaker 2:No, I think that that's pretty much it. I just want especially students. I just want them to know that they don't have to be the smartest ones in their classroom, they just have to be the most persistent ones, and that's something that I always tell students that if you're persistent with your goals and if you understand that giving up is not an option, you will accomplish big things. But you have to enjoy the journey, that you have to make sure that it's not, that you understand that it's not only about the final destination, but the person that you become once you get there, and so it's very important to enjoy the journey. Sometimes we reserve our happiness for the future, and I think that that's the biggest mistake that I have made in the past, and that's a mistake that a lot of people make.
Speaker 1:And especially with a story like yours, right where it was you from the time your mom said hey, here's your choice. You can either pick tomatoes all day, or whatever it was, and have your back feel like it's going to be in half, or you can get your education and keep going, keep going. Sometimes we can get lost in that and not enjoy the journey. Yes, exactly. Okay, the last question is a hypothetical. So let's say you have the chance to design a billboard for the side of the freeway, whatever the closest freeway is to where you live. You get to design this billboard and remember people are driving by. Usually we're going 70 miles an hour, sometimes they're going seven miles an hour, but they're going by, so you have to make an impression on them before they forget about it. What does Erica's billboard say to the world about what you believe in, what you feel is important, where you've come from and where you're going?
Speaker 2:What does your billboard say my billboard will say you can use your adversities as an excuse to stop or as a reason to keep moving forward.
Speaker 1:An excuse to stop or as a reason to keep moving forward. That's and that's such a beautiful message. I think that's a great place to to wrap up today, and you've got to get prepared for for to get nervous for tomorrow. Yes, night sleep, and you need to get nervous for tomorrow night's sleep and you need to get nervous for tomorrow. It's been such a pleasure and an honor to just have this chance to learn about your life and you know, at my age I don't get that inspired about too many stories very often. But when I heard about yours and started to do research and just put myself in in your shoes and being a father of a of a daughter as well, there were so many things in your story that resonated with me. So, of your book and and your life story and and today's conversation, Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:I really appreciate the time that you took to first of all research a little bit about me and read my book and also interview much. I really appreciate the time that you took to first of all research a little bit about me, read my book and also interview me. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Thanks for joining us on the Hangout Podcast. You can send us an email at podcastinfo at protonme. Many thanks to my daughter, maya, for editing this episode dot me. Many thanks to my daughter, maya, for editing this episode. I'd also like to underline that this podcast is entirely separate from my day job and, as such, all opinions expressed herein are mine and mine alone. Thanks for coming on in and hanging out.