In this episode, Bree Mills is joined by Kimmy Kim! A Korean-American dynamo, Kimmy takes us through various personal and societal topics related to adulthood and sexuality. Listen as they discuss eye-opening experiences like trying new foods as an adult, being raised Korean, discovering sexuality during a period of newfound freedom, and the challenges of overcoming shame.
From selling used panties to professional porn, follow along as Kimmy Kimm explores the power of saying no, the stigma of sex work, the invisible etiquette of social media, AND SO MUCH MORE! Join the duo as they unravel the layers of Kimmy's experiences and perspectives, offering listeners a captivating and enlightening conversation on the multifaceted aspects of life and sexuality.
Kimmy Kimm Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onlykimmykimm/
Bree Mills Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebreemills/
Podcast Links: https://linktr.ee/TheADULTTIMEPodcast
In this episode, Bree Mills is joined by Kimmy Kim! A Korean-American dynamo, Kimmy takes us through various personal and societal topics related to adulthood and sexuality. Listen as they discuss eye-opening experiences like trying new foods as an adult, being raised Korean, discovering sexuality during a period of newfound freedom, and the challenges of overcoming shame.
From selling used panties to professional porn, follow along as Kimmy Kimm explores the power of saying no, the stigma of sex work, the invisible etiquette of social media, AND SO MUCH MORE! Join the duo as they unravel the layers of Kimmy's experiences and perspectives, offering listeners a captivating and enlightening conversation on the multifaceted aspects of life and sexuality.
Kimmy Kimm Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onlykimmykimm/
Bree Mills Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebreemills/
Podcast Links: https://linktr.ee/TheADULTTIMEPodcast
This episode is brought to you by our sponsors at Adult Time, the ultimate subscription platform for premium adult content, with over 55,000 episodes, 300 channels and new releases every single day. It's everything you'd want in one place, and you can use promo code BREMILS that's B-R-E-E-M-I-L-L-S to try a free week on us Assuming you are 18 plus, of course and you can discover how we do porn differently. Hi, my name is Bremils and I am a porn director with a purpose. Now, throughout my career, I have covered just about every niche and I've created some award-winning films and brands along the way, but now I'm much more interested in getting to know the real people behind my characters, and that's because I believe adult entertainers can be some of the most powerful role models when it comes to sex, ed, consent, empowerment and wellness. By asking the right questions, our community can really help people better understand themselves.
Speaker 1:So that's the mission of this podcast. Let's get up close, hi, kimmy. Hello, how are you today? I'm doing good. How are you? I'm great. I'm so excited to be able to officially break the ice and have a conversation with you. Yeah, me too. I know you've been working with us for a long time, but it's actually, strangely enough, our first time face-to-face.
Speaker 2:I know and I've been waiting for this moment, for I feel like forever.
Speaker 1:Well, it's good, this is the best forum. Yeah, it's certainly, I'm so looking forward to it. I'm going to start with an icebreaker question how I always like to meet new people. Okay, what's your funny?
Speaker 2:fun fact about yourself? Fun fact about me is I've never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before.
Speaker 1:Okay, and is this for allergy reasons or personal preferences?
Speaker 2:No, I just grew up strangely picky and grew up around a lot of Korean food, and then if it wasn't Korean food then it was just fast food on the go. So I never got the chance to try a bunch of different things and I'm just now, as an adult, trying new things, but I think I'm too scared to try a peanut butter jelly right now.
Speaker 1:So I have to ask what is it about peanut butter and jelly? That's intimidating.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I always. Maybe it's the texture of jelly, because I love peanut butter, but I don't know, maybe it's just that that like throws me off. Yeah, but I did try a grilled tea sandwich recently for the first time, and how was that? It was great. Yeah, I actually loved it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So there's hope for peanut butter and jelly in the future.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Well. That's a great. That is an amazing segue into Getting to know you a bit better in terms of your background. So what tell us a bit about you know your upbringing. You know what was your upbringing like?
Speaker 2:I feel like it's split in between two parts because, like the first, you know, early years were with my Korean dad, who was very Korean, and so he was very much so like strict and kind of like by the books kind of guy and really wanted us to like get into studying and stuff like that. So I feel like it was very typically like a Korean upbringing. And then after that, when we all left with my mom, she kind of went like buck wild and so then we all also kind of went a little bit wild too, and so I went from being extremely, extremely sheltered to then having like all the freedom in the world, and I feel like neither were really good for me. So now, like as an adult, I'm trying to find the balance, you know.
Speaker 1:Interesting. When you had that pendulum swing in your life at the time was all of that newfound freedom like really exciting or really intimidating.
Speaker 2:I think it was really exciting at first because I was like I can do whatever I want, like the only rules I have are like don't get pregnant and like don't do anything like super, super dangerous, like to where you could possibly you know die or something. So those being the only rules. All of a sudden, we're like what do I do with all of this? And at first I would like not really do anything crazy except for like stay up all night on my computer. But then, you know, I would find friends and like hang out with friends and then go spend the night at people's houses. And I feel like it was like it did get to a point where I was like too much and I was like, okay, I need to reel myself back in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and how did that period in your life kind of influence your own like sort of sexual development and your identity? You know, can, when you think back on the roots of your own sexuality? Did they begin back in that sheltered phase or was it more coming out? As you know? You went into the sort of freedom phase.
Speaker 2:Definitely, like in the sheltered phase, I wasn't even thinking about it, like I was made to feel like that was such a horrible bad thing. We don't talk about it, we don't look at anyone who's even dressed scandalous, like we don't do any of that. And then, with all of the freedom and like my mom having the openness with us and like her freedom to be open with us, we were all extremely curious. So then it was kind of like it just like exploded. And then I will also my mom went from believing that like being gay was like such a sin and stuff like that, and that was also put onto us. So then she kind of started exploring herself and we also realized that that wasn't like such a sin and like wasn't something that was horrible and like so needed to be looked down upon. So then all of us kind of also were able to start exploring too. So, yeah, I think once we got that freedom, it was like really Really freedom and like we definitely explored more than anything after that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's actually really beautiful that you had a parallel kind of journey at the same time as your your mom probably- like as an adult being in that really sheltered environment also you know was experiencing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's something that was like always so crazy to me is like that she changed so much for someone who was already like so like such an older adult in my mind and I was like, oh my God, like I've seen her change so much. But yeah, yeah, it was crazy.
Speaker 1:Oh, the influence of our parents. It stays with us forever. So when you look back on again, you're you're kind of sort of the beginnings of your own kind of understanding your own sexual identity. Do you remember the first time that you masturbated, and if so, what was it like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was actually after I had already had sex Interesting. But it was because I had felt so guilty about having sex that I would wash myself out with hydrogen peroxide, like straight, not even diluted or anything, just I would pour hydrogen peroxide on myself because I felt so guilty. And it got to the point where I was my skin was a little dry down there. So then I was in so much pain I ended up actually going to my mom and being like something's wrong, like I made a lot of pain, like can you help me? And she was like sure, and she looked at me and she was like okay, well, she gave me some petroleum jelly and I was like here, put this like on it and it'll heal, like you'll be fine. And then I went upstairs with the petroleum jelly and put it on there and I was like wait, that actually feels good. And that was the first time I masturbated there you go yeah, Was.
Speaker 1:Did you feel like the sort of instant knee-jerk reaction of shame that came after being sexually active was sort of that past legacy kind of coming and trying to grab you back?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would always hide under the covers, like because after that I had unlocked like a new world, right, I had unlocked my first orgasm, and then I kept wanting to orgasm, and so I would always hide under the covers because I still definitely, like, felt shame about it and felt like it was gross or weird or like I shouldn't be doing it.
Speaker 1:So yeah, did that. You know the? When did that start to shift for you, or is it still an evolving process?
Speaker 2:I think sometimes still like I feel weird because like say, I'm with a partner and I didn't finish and I want to and I want to do it myself. I still feel weird about like asking how they would feel about mutual masturbation or like just masturbating in front of a partner or someone in general Sometimes still feels like shameful for some so yeah. I'm still like working through it and trying to be like no, like it's everyone does it, and I have to remember that I think is like literally everybody does it.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean the whole reason we're having this conversation right, the whole kind of mission behind up close is to talk about this stuff, because you know so many people are probably listening who can really relate to those feelings, but they've never heard it be discussed before. So in a way, even though it still is something that you're working through, even you know in the nature of this project, it's helpful, right, and do you find it ironic that you ended up in sex work?
Speaker 2:Yes, sometimes I wonder how it happened, but I think it's more so of just like wanting to expand on my sexuality even more because there was still so much that I hadn't tried that I wanted to expand on that in a safe way and I found this route and I was like okay, so I took it.
Speaker 1:So what was your route? What was your path into our industry?
Speaker 2:I first started selling panties and then people wanted those panties but like they wanted videos in them. And so I started taking videos of myself just by myself masturbating in my panties, which I felt like wasn't really even in front of someone you know cause I was just by myself with my phone and my panties, and so that was really fun for me and I really liked that and I kind of liked having the personal connection with my customers, like that, and then I would ship the panties off and stuff like that. But then I started for some reason uploading those videos of myself on to Pornhub just to maybe make a few more sense off of it. And then I had another performer reach out to me and was like, hey, like you know, like you're kind of doing this backward, in a sense, Like if you want to work for actual companies that upload to Pornhub for you, then we can set you up with that. And I was like, oh, actually that sounds kind of cool, like great. And then the next day I was off and there you go.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I have to go back and ask about the panties yeah, and I'll tell you after the interview ends about my well-worn socks background. But so okay of all things, how did it start with the used panties, like, how did you stumble upon, cause it's definitely a subculture? How did you stumble upon said subculture?
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know if he's necessarily into it or what, but it was my roommate that had suggested it and was like you know, like people would definitely buy your dirty panties, and I thought it was a joke. I was like you're lying, like shut up. There's no way, cause I'm just some random girl from Georgia, right, like.
Speaker 3:I didn't-. Who wants my panties? Exactly, I was like no one in my real life wants them Like so, okay, whatever.
Speaker 2:But then he ended up showing me a website where it was like professional, like you can send your panties off, and like it's more like secure or whatever. And I was like, huh, okay, maybe. And I thought about it for a while and I was like, ah, I don't know, I'm not going to do it. But then, with the pandemic hitting and me being in Georgia, georgia was the first state to cut off any kind of unemployment. So I was like, okay, I'm going to sell my panties.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to give this a try. Well, and you mentioned that you know the experience of doing that. One of the things that you enjoyed about it was that ability to kind of connect with customers. So what was? What did you learn about your customers during that time?
Speaker 2:Well, a lot of them were really caring and like genuinely wanted to get to know me and I was lonely, so I really liked that and they would sometimes, like you know, buy me stuff that was like really just like thoughtful and like useful. Like I remember, one guy bought me a like a planner so that I could better schedule out like what days I wear my panties in my ovulation days and stuff like that. Yeah, so I thought that was nice and they were all just really nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's I can. I can picture that happening when you did start to shoot for studios and kind of get into, you know, our particular side of the industry. What would you say were some of the biggest lessons you learned in that first year?
Speaker 2:That you can't always just say yes, Because even though you might think that that'll get you far, it's more so like just damaging for yourself and then you're just gonna kind of fall back to where you don't want to be. So I think learning the power of no and learning how to say no and not necessarily in a negative way, but just saying like no, thank you I think that was huge for me in the first year.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how did you navigate that when you were also feeling like, really compelled to, like, explore and learn more, and did you sort of realize along the way that that can happen while still having, you know, that sense of autonomy and agency?
Speaker 2:Right, I think that I'm definitely still working on it, but there are so many things that I do want to explore. There's just some things that I'm not ready for yet, and so for me to not have to feel the pressure to say yes to those things yet and like taking my time with it because I want to be here for a long time, like I want to do this for as long as you guys let me, you know, so just saying like no, thank you, or like not yet, or like I don't, I don't think it's time for that yet. For me it's, I think, still something I'm working on, but getting better at a lot for sure?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and it is the most you know, it's this. It is the single most important thing, not just for yourself, most importantly, but for all, all of us involved in the creation of adult content. Right Consent is really the cornerstone of all of that. What impact did kind of the media and pop culture have on you when you were growing up, especially in terms of how you viewed female sexuality?
Speaker 2:Oh, it was because I think I grew up with like the start of all of these big social medias, right, and I think that words like slut and stuff like that just weren't banned yet and you would see a lot of that if even like me, being younger, posting a picture at the pool in a bikini, I'd get like, oh, you're such a slut for that. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Like it was. It was so bad, or maybe it's just because I was also in Georgia. You know, being in the South is definitely a lot different. But yeah, I think it was definitely looked at as like bad, like women can't be sexual and like you're never going to find a husband, like you're bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you are sexual, well, in a way it kind of echoes what you were feeling within. You know your own upbringing in your your earlier years right so.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I was like told that all the time like you're never going to find a husband and it's like I don't really need one.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and he'll be lucky to have me when the time comes, if it comes Right, all right. I have to ask if you can think of, not maybe an embarrassing, but at the very least a memorable moment you've had during sex.
Speaker 2:I think definitely accidentally saying the wrong name can be embarrassing and shameful, but memorable. I just think of like well, definitely the first time I slept with a woman before the industry, and that was so like perfect the way it all came together, because she was wearing a white shirt, she had an orange soda and she spilled it on her white shirt and she was like, oh well, I guess I have to take my shirt off now, right, and I was like, yeah, you know, and it was just so kind of like campy and cute.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say it sort of sounds like a girl's space scenario, I know right, it absolutely should.
Speaker 2:We'll talk after. It was great, though, and it just all like I was so probably nervous and like shaky that she was like taking complete control and it just like worked and like it was such a nice flow and happened so naturally for her, I'm sure, but for me like I was an internal mess, yeah, but now, looking back on it, you know, I was like, oh, that's so cute that I was so nervous, like that's so adorable.
Speaker 1:Do you have any contact with that personality, or it was just a one-time thing and now they'd be proud?
Speaker 2:of you. I think she would be extremely proud of me now, but I miss her. So if you're seeing this, I miss you.
Speaker 1:You stood out as the most memorable sexual experience. It's just a pretty big honor to have yes, yes. So how? Nowadays, you know how do you prioritize your sexual health and well-being, being a performer in the industry, but also just being a human being?
Speaker 2:I think being a performer has actually helped me with that a lot, because I don't just have to keep healthy for myself, I have to keep healthy for partners you know the crew that are kind of dependent on me showing up and being healthy and being okay and, like me, being able to do these scenes, because there's so much that I just didn't know beforehand. Like my first time on set, I was trying to open the douche and I was like how do I do this? Like.
Speaker 2:I don't understand yeah it's true, there's nobody that really tells you how to use douches right, you have to figure it out for yourself, but then you kind of end up realizing that, like you don't have to douche every time and it's probably not good that you do so yeah, it's been a lot of learning, but being a performer has definitely helped me with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what do you find now? Like you know, like, let's say, if I was going to make you a sex ed teacher for the day, what would be the main topics that you would want to teach the world at large?
Speaker 2:Oh, female anatomy, because I think that there are a lot of just people, and even myself included. For a long time I didn't know that we had like a separate p-hole from the vagina hole, no idea. And I think a lot of people don't necessarily know that. They also don't know how pads and tampons and stuff like that work for their partners, and you can ask someone to go to the store and buy something for you and then they'll come back with a strange surprise the wrong thing, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think that's super important, like female anatomy and how it works and why you know things happen every month and why we go through menstruation and how that also can make us feel throughout the month, because we only have like so long of like pure sanity before we enter our PMS stage and then ovulation kind of messes your body up too and yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So really understanding the cycle and how it impacts you in all ways.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, it's always like it's a cycle and it's never ending. Yeah, yeah, definitely that.
Speaker 1:With you mentioned earlier in terms of like the big lessons you learned in the industry and how important that sort of sense of the power of no is. How do you bring consent into your personal life? You know from what you've learned about bringing it into your professional life.
Speaker 2:I think it can be more so. Well, in my personal life at least, I feel like more so being silly about it and just kind of keeping it lighthearted and just being like is this okay, do you like this? Like just with a smile on my face, and if not, then we just move on and we continue. I think it doesn't have to be like well, when it's just one on one, it doesn't have to be such a big deal. You can just ask it in the moment, you know, before you're doing something, of course, but just ask and don't overthink it too much. Just kind of ask and then the worst they can do is say no, that's right.
Speaker 2:And then you move on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and do you find that that's getting kind of easier for you to be able to do, or is that still like a learning curve for you, because Growing up it was so not to have conversations right?
Speaker 2:I feel like I've gotten really lucky with my personal life partners and Having them all like kind of be on the same page as me, where, like if I ask them something, if I ask them to do something, or they don't want you there like no see something else, like it just seems like I've gotten really lucky, I guess, with like having people to Take it just as easily as I take it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what are your biggest red flags?
Speaker 2:Oh, Talking about or talking openly on, say, social media, about someone else's weight, okay, yeah, um, I think that that's a huge red flag. I guess any kind of body shaming Mm-hmm is Is Probably the biggest one for me, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Why? I mean, I completely agree. Yeah, curious to hear as to like what about that in particular strikes you.
Speaker 2:I Feel like, especially as a performer like you, have no Room to put any shame on anyone else and it's just a so uncalled for and it's so like why, mm-hmm, I don't know it, just I think that's something that irks me the most.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, in a way it's kind of like a different way to silence somebody right, yeah right. That's such a good way to put it and you are all about breaking away from that. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So any type of any type of shaming, particularly body image shaming, right. What is another big red flag?
Speaker 2:Oh, another one, probably Just Like picking on any one of a minority group, like we already have so many microaggressions thrown at us all the time. I think that's something that's like you know, like you don't have to do that.
Speaker 1:It's 2023, almost 2024.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly it would be nice if we could move past that yeah right and I think that people you know do it behind social media because it's just easier and it's like.
Speaker 1:So one called for yeah, what is your relationship like with social media overall? I mean, I know I have a very complicated one, same.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. There is sometimes where I love it and Sometimes where I'm like this is the most complicated thing in the world to figure out. There's videos where you know like you'll make a post and it'll go insanely viral and you didn't even try. And then sometimes it just you try really hard on something and nothing happens. It's kind of crazy, yeah, and then, oh, sorry, no.
Speaker 1:I was just gonna say, and the fact that it's, you know, it's so, it's so selective, right like right, at the one hand you're supposed to share everything, but other hand you can't say everything. Right, you can't brag can't brag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not too much. Yeah, right, and All social media's are super bad with sex workers like. They're constantly banning us just for like our names being linked to like the account. Just frustrating and horribly annoying.
Speaker 1:But what do you wish you could, like you know, if you were, if you had the, if you had the platform to really speak to people outside of our industry To help educate them on the fact that you know, we are all people and not only we're all people, but we're people from so many different backgrounds and, like some of the truly most amazing people, what would you say to to people out there watching, in terms of like maybe, how they regard sex workers and how that should change?
Speaker 2:I think that a lot of them, once they talk to us, are kind of like oh wow, like you're actually really cool and like a person.
Speaker 1:A person yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like. Yeah, I know like even my neighbors at times have been like oh wow, like I forget what you do for work because you're so normal. I'm like well, yeah, I'm not doing anything crazy really, I'm just. I go to work and I have a normal home life like everybody else. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that you should just talk to some sex workers and like figure out what they're really like, because so much of what's in front of the camera is a performance and is like a big facade kind of, but behind that, just like any other influencer of any type, it's like we're all just pretty regular people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So, speaking of pretty, pretty regular people with their own lives, what brings you pleasure in your own life these days?
Speaker 2:I really think that I've been focusing a lot on just like having good and open communication, whether that be with, like, friends or or significant others of any kind, and I think that working on that myself has brought me so much more happiness because, like, I'm no longer just afraid to just ask, whereas before I'd be like, oh my God, I have to ask them for something Like I'm freaking out.
Speaker 2:But it's also made my friendships like a lot stronger, and so I love just like hanging out with my friends and and yeah, just super simple stuff, yeah, just enjoying life, yeah, yeah, listening to music. You know, summertime's nice, that's right. There you go. The water is great yeah.
Speaker 1:So what's one fantasy that you have that you have yet to fulfill, that you'd be willing to share? Oh.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I think getting as many Asian women into one scene as possible sounds like pretty amazing scene. Yeah, it sounds like the best time in the world for me and I really just want to see us all like kind of just basically connect over the fact that we're Asian, because that tends to happen and then just having that chemistry, I feel like would be so cool.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I just want a big Asian girl group scene, and if it's filmed, cool, and if not, it's still cool.
Speaker 2:Exactly that would be so much fun.
Speaker 1:So for women out there who are watching this and I mean really for anybody who's watching this you know we've talked a lot throughout our conversation today about the importance of kind of getting away from shame and getting away from from silence and being open to explore yourself Right, and many, many people out there are very much still struggling with that. So, having gone through your own journey, what advice would you give to people who are watching who may be feeling insecure about their own sense of sexuality?
Speaker 2:Well, I think if there's anyone that is telling you you should feel a certain way or you should not do certain things, kind of start to question it, like you need to second guess everything that other people are telling you, because they're not always right. Do your own research on stuff Like find out if your thought patterns are the way they are because someone told you that they need to be, or if that's how you actually feel and how you actually think. I think that was probably the biggest thing for me because, like having both parents be Asian, they grew up super conservative.
Speaker 2:And then one of them stayed that way and one of them kind of realized that she was only that way because that's what she was told she needed to be like, and seeing her go through that revelation was huge for me. So now. I feel like I go through that revelation all the time, though, and I'm constantly like asking myself OK, do I really feel this way, or is it just because I was told I should feel this way? So yeah, just questioning everything. I guess Horrible advice, but question everything.
Speaker 1:Probably the best advice. Yeah, because you know, without, without questioning something, you're never going to learn anything new. Right, very true. And what's the one thing you would say above all else, you've learned about yourself in your journey as Kimmy Kim, the sexual being that you are, the pansexual being that you are yes, the biggest thing I've learned about myself is I can do more than I thought I was capable of.
Speaker 2:I can somehow muster up the energy that I need to and get things done, and I don't know, that's probably what's made me the most proud of myself as of recently.
Speaker 1:Well, that's. That's a very good thing to be proud of, and I am taking away from this conversation that you should continue with the doors wide open because you've got a lot of amazing road ahead of you. So thank you so much, kimmy, for coming down, thank you for having me. Whole project is about being able to meet people and share stories and learn lessons, and I think you've got so much to share, so I really appreciate it, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me my pleasure.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for listening to this conversation with Kimmy Kim. I know I learned a lot and was really inspired by what she had to say, especially on her journey. So thank you, Kimmy. If you want to support her, our mission, this podcast, you know what to do Like, comment, subscribe, give us all your engagement. And if you want to find more about us, you can check out our socials in the episode description below. And until then, let's all keep it real. See you next week.