ReStoried

120. Finding Hope in the Middle of Hard with Jamie Fuller

• Hope Bridge/Adkins Media Co.

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In this episode of Restoried, we sit down with Jamie Fuller to hear her family’s unexpected journey into kinship care. It’s a story shaped by loss, faith, and God’s redemptive work. What Jamie thought would be a season of empty nesting turned into something she and her husband, JP, never imagined. They welcomed their two nephews after the tragic loss of their parents. 

Jamie shares honestly about what it’s like to suddenly step into trauma-informed parenting while also grieving the life she thought she would have. She talks about the emotional weight, the impact on her whole family, and the loneliness that can come with caring for kids from hard places. 

One of the most powerful parts of Jamie’s story is how finding people who truly understood changed everything. From her first Hope Bridge moms’ night to attending Mobilize Ohio, Jamie describes what it meant to finally be in rooms where she didn’t have to explain her story. It was a place where she and JP felt seen, supported, and less alone. 

This episode is a reminder that healing takes time, that joy and grief can exist at the same time, and that community really matters. If you’re walking a foster or kinship journey or supporting families who are, this conversation is for you. Mobilize Ohio and Hope Bridge are places where your story can make sense, too. 

 

Episode Highlights:  

  • Jamie’s Story  
  • Kinship Care 
  • Trauma Informed Parenting  
  • Mobilize Ohio  
  • Finding Community  

 

Find More on Hope Bridge: 

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SPEAKER_00

Hope Bridge is on a gospel-led mission to transform the foster care landscape in Ohio. We're here to raise awareness and empower churches and communities to step into action by supporting vulnerable children and families in their local communities. In this podcast, we'll be shining a light on stories of hope, redemption, and transformation, and sharing practical ways that you can step in and get involved. Welcome to Restoried, a podcast by Hope Ridge. Welcome back to Restoried. This is Nicole, and I will be your host for today. Today I have with me my friend Jamie Fuller, just a wonderful friend and woman of God who is here today to share her story as a someone who stepped into the space of kinship care unexpectedly and just has done it well, and it's not been an easy journey, and it's come from a hard place, but God has been so good to her and her husband. And so we're gonna chat today. Thank you, Jamie, for being here with me.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00

Jamie, if you don't mind sharing a little bit about what your family looks like today before we get into your story a little bit. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I'm married to JP. Uh this year will be 28 years for us, and we have three biological kids and two amazing bonus kids that uh we welcomed into our home a few years ago. Um, so Chloe is our oldest, and she's 26, and she um has one little boy. So we have grandkids too. We have two grandkids, and we have two more grandkids on the way. So we have Chloe, Claire, and Jack, our three biological kids in 26, 23, and 21. And then Chase and Bryce, who are 18 and 13. So, um, and then two grandkids. So we've got one foot in each season. So that's kind of what our family looks like right now.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's a very interesting place to be, you know, just um how to describe yourself in one word. You can't you can't say I'm grandma, I'm an empty nester, or I'm mom. Um it's just I am all of the above, and I'm not sure how to even describe this sometimes, huh? Yes. And so I'm sure your plan wasn't that as your children grew up that you would still be continuing to raise children, but you know, God has a way of shaking things up a little bit, and um we find ourselves in places we never expected to be. And so here you are today in a space you never expected to be. Um and I'm gonna go back a few years when we started Hope Ridge. Um we had the opportunity to have an intern come in and it didn't work out. And I happened to be having lunch with somebody who said, Hey, by the way, um, do you have a need for an intern? And we said, Oh, like, well, we were gonna have one come and it didn't work out. And she's like, I know the perfect person, and that was your daughter, Claire. And um, when Claire came to spend some time with us uh in her last year of college, um she mentioned her mom and how she had stepped into this role of kinship caregiver. And and so it was almost kind of like the perfect timing because you found yourself in a place where you needed support and encouragement and people who understood. So um I think God just was so gracious and in bringing us together.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure. That was definitely his providence because you know, we live here locally, and this is right in our backyard, and which is so amazing. Um, didn't know it was here, never heard of it because I just didn't have any, you know, association with foster care or adoption or anything like that. And so when when that happened, you know, that was God going before us, um, yeah, yeah, providing for us and so grateful for that and providing for Claire and it was just great.

SPEAKER_00

So let's talk about how you got here to this place. And if you want to start from the beginning, that's totally, totally fine.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. Um, so 2015. Um I actually I I tell this story sometimes, but I had this dream, a very vivid dream in May of 2015. And it was so vivid. Um, it involved my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law, and my parents were in it, and my dog was in it. It was just very, very like sometimes, you know, this has happened to me in the past where I feel like, okay, I either need to pray for somebody, you know, they're on my heart, or this is deeper, like just Lord, what is this? You know, so I wrote it down and I shared it with my husband through tears. I'm like, I don't know what this is, but I feel like the Lord is flagging me on something. And so that was in early May of 2015. And later in that month, um, my sister-in-law, Lisa, uh, my husband's only sister, uh, four years older than him, um, she found out she had leukemia. Uh, she was an amazing, godly woman. She taught here at uh local Christian school, uh fifth grade for many years, and was faithful, just an amazing woman, always wanted to be married, didn't find her husband until later. She got married in her um mid-30s and then was unable to have children. And so she began her adoption journey. And so this is prior prior to getting sick. Um, so she um adopted uh both of my nephews domestically, um, Chase, who's now 18. Um, she adopted him, and then almost five years later, Bryce, who's 13, and loved them so well, and was just loving married life and being a mom. And then she got sick. And so she uh fought a hard battle for two years, and you know, we were along that journey as a family, um, the community. I mean, she was one of those who just quietly loved people, and just the support and people that followed her journey um was really incredible. Um her husband was a few years older than her and had not been married before. Um, so you know, was in his 40s when they got married and then had the boys. So he was an older dad. So um, you know, Lisa passed away in April of 2017. And so um he was with the boys then, you know, caring for them. It was really hard, so you can imagine, yeah, not just being an older parent, but um just everything that he had been through personally. He had lost his mom to cancer at the same age. Um, you know, it was like he was reliving everything and was very deep in grief and yet raising, you know, a nine-year-old and a five-year-old. And honestly, our relationship with him was strained and hard. And it was hard for us to connect with him and be there for him because of that. And so we didn't have a lot of time with the boys, like they were at family get-togethers, and while they were my nephews, we didn't have a conversation. Yeah, yeah. So they knew us, of course, and our kids, our cousins, but um, it was not like a close relationship, I would say. Um so you know, COVID happens, he's home with these boys, and um, it was got harder. And um coming out of that, um he was struggling to care for our younger nephew Bryce at that time. Bryce would have been seven or eight years old, and had made the decision that he couldn't handle it anymore, and was getting ready to actually put Bryce into some other form of care. I don't know if it was foster care or what he he just couldn't do it anymore. And he invited my father-in-law over, who was recently widowed, like very recently widowed. So my father-in-law is an amazing man, he's one of our heroes, and he is like 79 or 80 at the time. And he's invited to this meeting where they're going to decide what's going to happen to Bryce, and he doesn't realize what my brother-in-law has in mind to do. You know, he's overwhelmed. Right. Um, after doing this for a while, I can I have more grace for him than I did at the time. But um, my father-in-law said he is not doing that, he's coming with me. And so he took him in. My mother-in-law had just passed away in January, and Bryce moved in, I believe, in March. And so he took him in. And you have a widow and an orphan taking care of each other. And it was something. Yeah. You know, at the time, um, we were getting ready to um graduate. Our youngest, Jack, at the time. Uh Jack was a senior at going to be a senior at Lake. Um, our daughter Chloe was getting ready to get married. Um, I had just started a new job full-time, my first full-time work in 15 years, probably. I worked part-time. I stayed at home with my kids when they were younger. And so um, so here we are. And life's about to get really fun for you and easy. Yeah, and I had no idea, like, you know, and like I said, you know, remembering like all these things, you know. So when Lisa got sick in 2015, I told you I had that dream.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, she got sick, and so we headed into like a, I always say I felt like I was getting pushed under the water and coming back up for air. We had a lot of death, like people close to us. So Lisa passed in April of 2017. My dad died suddenly in October of 2017. My mom passed in May of 2018. Our dog, who I said was also in my dream, passed right before my mom. The dog gets sick, and we had to put the dog down February, and then my mom in May. And then following year, my mother-in-law. So now my kids have been through a lot. Yeah, these aren't just like great aunts or like really old grandparents or whatever, these are people who are involved in their lives, yes, yeah. So, and so Chase and Bryce, too. They're losing, you know, people that are close to them. So, anyway, we're I'm working full-time, Jack's getting ready to graduate, Chloe's gonna get married. I start this new job in uh January of 2022. Bryce is living with my father-in-law, and my brother-in-law, Charles, gets cancer and dies. He he gets it in November, he's gone by February. Wow. So I'm in this full-time job. I'm like, oh my goodness, like trying to plan a wedding, learn a job. And this is it was a whirlwind. Um and so Chloe got married in May. My father-in-law got sick right before her wedding, and it became at this point, he has both boys, because he takes and chase too. Now he has both boys. And when Lisa was sick, there was a very clear memory of us going up to visit her. And Charles, my brother-in-law, pulled us out into the hallway and asked us if we would be willing to be in their will to take the boys if anything ever happened. And we, of course, said yes, you know. But you don't ever think, like, really, like that that would come, yeah, happen, and that these boys like would lose both parents in such a short period of time. Yeah. So by the time Chase is uh 12 and Bryce is he's six. He was what's five, seven years old. He they've lost both parents, you know. And so my father-in-law gets sick, and basically Chloe got married and Chase moved in like days after her wedding. It was like this is not gonna work for him anymore. And we always thought we would get Bryce first, who's a younger one.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um, but he is very close with my father-in-law, and Lisa's best friend has been a faithful friend ever since she passed. She's like a sister to us, and she helped with him for a while on and off. And we got care for Bryce. So we had Chase uh move in. It was one of those things. There was no deliberating over it. There was no we just said, Yes, do you want to move in? Yeah, this is what you do for family. It just it just happened. The next thing you know, he's living with us. And and I really believe God had his hand on that because Jack was still a senior, he was gonna be in his senior year. Chase was going in to be a freshman. And so he was able to be on the football team, you know, all of those things and kind of be there with him. And it's neat because they look very much alike. If you if you didn't know our family before, you would never know that Chase was. Yeah, yeah. So that's kind of just a little godwink. Um, so we had Chase for a year and actually like a year and a half, and then that following December, Bryce was struggling. Um, he really needed a mom. I mean, my father-in-law was doing a beautiful job. Like, I can't even believe that, you know, he was getting him to school, he was dealing with IEPs, he was like doing all these things.

SPEAKER_00

That's amazing. I mean, we're like talking how old we are, and we're not even near 80 years old, and he did it.

SPEAKER_01

He did, yeah, he really did. And um, but I think the writing was on the wall there, yeah. And we had a conversation with him, and he agreed, like, okay, and we were scared to death because at that point, Jace was doing he kind of okay, you know. I mean, he's a middle school boy, almost high school boy. Well, he was high school. There are challenges with that, but Bryce um was had so much grief and anger, and you know, we knew like this is gonna be hard. Yeah, he's been through so, so much.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, and it's very hard to process all that loss and grief for an adult, yeah, let alone a child.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it was it was hard to witness that with him, but but the behaviors that came out of that grief and anger were were really showing up. And plus nobody wanted to cross him because it was like if I don't want to eat this, I don't eat this. If I don't want just the anger and the rage and the all of it was really really dictating uh his life and and he was on a bad path. So December uh 2023. Um let's see, no, it's yes, 2023. My grandson was born December 17th, so I became a grandma. I turned 50 and that September, so then I had turned 50, had our first grandson, and then one week later Bryce moved in. And then that Christmas Eve, uh Claire and Caleb told us they were expecting, and so we were like, it was a whirlwind. Yeah. And so we were doing this, and I'm still working full time. And when I tell you, like I know other parents who have been in these situations are are you know loving and parenting kids with trauma, which was a word that wasn't in really my vocabulary. Um the things that we were dealing with, the hard and difficult and I would probably say not bizarre, but like behavior type things that would happen were like, what is going on? Like we were we had no training. Like this was a different thing. We weren't seeking out to go into foster care, which I respect so much people like stepping in, like you know, we're gonna be able to do that. Stippously inviting them.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes, you chose to do this on purpose.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yes. And so I have so much respect because you know, um, just that are we weren't there, like we weren't this was not, you know, like on your radar. No. And it's funny because you realize, like, oh, I have this expectation for my life. Like, and when it comes crumbling down, you're like, whoa, you know, yeah, and not to mention, you probably can relate to this, like the rest of your community and friends are that are your age are moving into this season, and you've like gone backwards and you're getting babysitters and stuff, and like they're able to like as you sh normally should be, but that's I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

You all I'm saying is like you expect that this age you're gonna be like, hey, I don't need a sitter, let's go have a date night, whatever, play games, let's go on vacation when we want. We don't need to worry about child care or schools or babysitters, and all of a sudden here you are watching your friends move on in that direction.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and and and unintentionally, but it just happens all of a sudden, you're kind of left out. Yeah. And you find yourself isolated and all alone, and nobody understands because unless they've parented in this capacity, yeah, they cannot possibly understand the challenges. And so many people want to offer their advice and their help, but it's not helpful when they don't understand the grief, the loss, the trauma. Yeah. And this is not something that you can just parent in a traditional way and it works. And yeah, it's a very common thing. Even your situation was unique, but like it's not unique in the fact that many times now kids are being placed in kinship homes, right? Because there aren't not a lot of foster families. The idea is that um being with a relative is typically better for the child, as long as the relative is safe and healthy. Um but there's no training, there's no like, here's what to expect, here are resources. It's kind of like they're related to you, so you should know what to do. Right. And that's not that's not the case. Um, and so you guys found yourself parenting this child who's had so much loss, yeah, who doesn't know how to really receive love well because he he's been so hurt again and again. And so have you guys. So you have grief, you have this grief of the loss of your family, but the grief, grief of the loss of the life that you anticipated you would have. Yeah. That's a real thing. There's, you know, and it's okay. It's not, it's just you grieve the life that you had or you thought you would have. Yeah. Um, and that's something that I think, you know, for me, I remember when I had a couple of really tough years. Years and I remember just like feeling this weight of like, I no longer have control over my life. Like these little people are controlling it, you know, and and just that grief of like, this is not, this is a a different change. Yeah, you know, and it's it's not always a bad thing. It's just, you know, you get up and you you move on. Yeah. And so here you found yourself in that situation of like, yeah, you know, for sure.

SPEAKER_01

I you really hit the nail on the head. And I think that, you know, I felt a lot of sadness in the way of not feeling like I could be available to my girls as they were having their kids like I wanted to. So I was really trying. I really, and we really tried to, in a sense, protect our biological kids because their whole lives changed too. Sure. Everybody. I mean, it was it was one of those things where sometimes I just felt so mad, but there was no one to be mad at. It's just the brokenness, like the way everything happened, and I couldn't fix it, you know, and I just wanted to shield them because, you know, we are a family, but also I didn't want to take away from the joy of what was there, was both. And I mean, through going through all those losses and, you know, graduating kids from high school and you know, welcoming grandkids and all those things, like there's always this, like, you know, you realize like God has made your heart to hold both joy and grief at the same time, and that's okay. I was so happy but so sad at the same time, but it was like a tug of war on my soul, honestly. And uh in many days it's still like that. And I feel that has shown up physically for me and my husband, you know, um a year or so after getting through it, you know, then okay, we're stabilizing. Like everybody's we've come so far, you know, things are getting better, the boys are getting better, the girls are, you know, and I'm I'm figuring it out. But then I felt like I all of a sudden was, I know this is common now, but like I felt like I was crashing literally in a pit. Yeah. I was like, every why am I feeling this now? Everybody is we've gotten through the worst of it, it feels like, and and the adjustments and behaviors, and now I'm like, I'm a mess. Like, yeah, and and so a lot of a lot of hard work and self-care trying to get back so that I can continue to raise the boys and continue to you know be there for my girls and and Jack, hopefully, and Chase embrace, you know, when they are married someday. I want to be able to do that. But I mean, it's like when you have a newborn, like you, you don't have time. Like to you, they're hungry, you you gotta feed them. Like you have to get up, you have to change diapers. Like, and so it was kind of like that kind of survival mode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Um, but yeah, I think that um there was a lot of that. Plus, there was the um changing of birth order for everyone, too, that happened, you know, in our home. He's the oldest, Chase was the oldest, now he's second, and and then Chase, we had him, and things were peaceful, and then so Bryce moved in, and I think for him, he did get a little sad, depressed for a while, and because this is like going back into the way things were for him, yeah, really hard, and you know, Bryce equaled conflict because he was had so many behaviors, and um so it it's been a wild ride. But um, you know, um my father-in-law sold his house out in Norton, moved down here, and so he's close to us and he gets to see Bryce all the time. Um, so that has worked itself out, and we spent a lot of time together as a family. And my son Jack, I've said that a really cool thing that happened was he was going to University of Akron to, he wanted to be a high school teacher. And when Bryce first moved in, it was hard for him because he he he's just a kind young man and he did not like me getting yelled at. So I wanted to mention that most of the angst that Bryce had, especially was towards me. For sure. I was her, she, he was raised by his dad, then his grandpa, and he gravitated toward my husband. So here now you have a mom saying, You have to brush your teeth, you have to get a shower, you can't eat that, you can't watch that, you you know, and and so I was taking up the the yeah, and that is very typical.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, for sure.

SPEAKER_01

And so, but it was the coolest thing for me to experience God, um give me this resolve that I needed. Like I've said there were times where, you know, and Bryce would tell you too if he was sitting here, he's different now, and he would never do this to me now, um, but would be yelling inches from my face. And I was like a sea of glass. I was like I could feel God keeping me and restraining me and giving me, I was able to stay regulated when he was not. And this was not probably what my older kids would tell you, you know, she's crazy. She, you know, and I would rant at that, you know, about whatever, you know, the shoes in the garage or and I still do that sometimes. But anyway, um, it was just a beautiful thing to see and feel the Lord doing it because I would walk away from those interactions and I would maybe go in my room and just, you know, take a knee and just be like shaking, you know, like Lord, like I can't do this. Like this, and I'm also very scared because now, you know, he's 10, but like, what's gonna happen when he's 16? I, you know, what's gonna happen? I'm I'm scared. And but just to know he carried me through those and gave me what I needed to love Bryce in those moments, and for him to see you can do this, and I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not gonna respond back to you that way. Yeah, like this is what he was used to. And um, you know, yeah, it was a miracle. I feel like that God did that. And um, so yeah, one day at a time we just like figured out uh stuff at school. Um I really want to give a shout out to Lake Schools because we weren't sure they were gonna be able to uh have Bryce as a student just with the issues he had when he first came. Um but they were brave and they were positive and they took a chance on him. And the teacher that he had was literally a warrior, and she said, You're a part of this family and you can do what you want, but you're not going anywhere.

SPEAKER_02

I love that.

SPEAKER_01

And she was a pivotal piece of Bryce um and his success staying in the school system. And he moved from there to the next year. He went into a uh smaller um classroom, and this year he's in mostly co-taught classes, with the goal of him being um in mainstream classes um because he is bright as they come, and they it was all because of uh yeah, behavior, um, anger, yeah, well, and I think it's important to note that a lot of times, again, you know, if you're not in this space, if you're not aware, we want to just like say these are bad kids.

SPEAKER_00

And right, and that's not the case. These are hurt children. Yes. And if if somebody had like that teacher had the capacity to say, I'm looking at you at what you can be, at what really is there as this child who can thrive, who has the ability to do this, and I have the confidence that if we stick with you, you'll be okay. Yeah. Um, and that's you know, God gave that for you just to know that if you if you continue to be regulated, if you continue to love him well, even when it's really hard, um, that God would make the change, that God would help. And, you know, these hard, hard seasons of life, I'm always reminded, as human beings, we are so limited in our capacity, right? We can only do so much, we can only carry so much. But yet we have a God who is infinite, who is boundless, whose capacity, he has no like he is just infinite and he can do all things and hold all things and carry all things. And it's a reminder of the God that we serve, that when we can't emotionally, physically carry this heavy, heavy load, that he is still there to help us carry those things. And he does it, and he shows up again and again. And it doesn't mean it's easy, and it doesn't mean like our life will ever be the same. But there are things about God we never could learn unless we go through these really hard things. That's right. And I'm sure for you that's that's the case. You probably have never expected yourself to be in this place, yeah, but yet your need and your dependency on our great God is probably more real than it's ever been.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, that's so true. And yeah. I I want to say, um I think that's a good segue. I wanted to circle back because I got off track, but Jack is now going into ministry. Um he's going, he switched from University of Akron to Grace College, and I had said to him when Bryce first moved in, I don't know why God has appointed you to still be here in our home. Sisters were gone. But he is allowing you to see, you know, this is who he came for. And we're not doing this perfectly, but he's allowing you to see this as hard as it is for him to witness this. And now him and Bryce are buddies, and Jack's buddies are Bryce buddies, and you know, and you know, him and Chase are they call each other brother, you know. They're it's uh it's been amazing to see God just use that also in our other kids who, you know, like I said, this shook their entire worlds too, even the girls who weren't at home anymore. But what you were saying there, um, so it was actually really perfect with Claire getting the internship and the first year that she told me about the mom's group that met on Tuesday nights. And and I showed up at the first thing I came to was like a mom's night out that you had, and it was at the Mexican restaurant, and I went with Claire went with me. I was scared. And like, so there's like 20 or so women there at this table, and this beautiful spread of like fajitas and guacamole and like a vat of guacamole on there. I was just like, okay, here I am. I'm one of the older momps at this table. You know, I what am I doing here? Like, what is this? I was really You think you're one of the older ones until you start asking some pages. Well, I just was like, I'm about to be grandma, you know, my grandma. Um, so you know, we went and it's women went around and introduced themselves and said, you know, my name's so-and-so, and I have two biological kids and two foster kids or one adopted kid, or you know, they're going around there and I'm like, okay, I need to be here because I did feel really like I was lonely. I was just like, what in the world? I don't know anybody that this has ever happened to. I don't feel equipped. I am very careful to say, like, I don't think people really knew what we were going through, like on a day-to-day basis. It was hard. Like every day. My feet, I put my feet on the ground and I'm like, I'm going to battle right now. Like, literally, like, Lord help me. I'm not gonna be able to do it. And you got questioned whether he had the right person at times. Like, I don't like uh yeah. Anyway, you know, I'm by myself at this table, and it was really beautiful, and it was just all taken care of, and I was like just felt really loved and like I was supposed to be there. So that was my first kind of connection with Hope Bridge. And then uh that must have been at the front of part of the year. February. We always do that in February. Okay, so yes, very loved. Yes, and I'm looking forward to that. And so then um Claire was kind of helping out with conference, mobilized conference, and my husband is probably less likely to go to something like that than I am, but I was and he knew it too. He was he's like, let's go. So we signed up to go and um pretty much wept through the whole thing. Um there was, I can't even remember if you would know who the speaker was, but he played this movie score. Jason Johnson. Yeah. And he just talked about these stories and the movie score about there being like a tragedy and then like a redemption. And like he had us close our eyes and listen to this movie score. And wow, I'll tell you, I'm a very visual person. I went to school for fashion design and merchandising. I've done like set design. I love all of that. And I and I love word pictures, I love words. And that really connected, I connected with that, and I could see in my mind's eye like our story. I could see my sister-in-law in the hospital bed, I could see, you know, the boys. I just like I could see it, and God really used that. And I listened to movie scores for a while after that, which was really cool. Yeah. Um, but we went and we're like, wow, um, was just like a balm for us, you know. And at that time, still, we were like not even a year in. And I'm like, so I really tried to get to all of those meetings too, you know, and just was really blessed uh to be there with the other women and didn't really know some of the topics that we talked about, like with foster care and things that I don't, but I I it's just the women that were there and um they're just so real, and you can kind of see in their eyes, like you know, I am different, but since we, you know, welcomed the boys into our home. Um I have this like flashback of myself before, and I just think that a lot of things that I would have said were I don't know, like Christian or like um holy and good, you know, not that they're not, but I just think that being up close to that kind of brokenness will change you like nothing else. And I everything got stripped away, and honestly, relationships in my life, I just got it was like the trees right now. I mean, it was gone, and like I was like this fruitful person that I felt like I was. Everything else, like I the the Lord had started stripping things away from me a little at time, even before I went back to work full time. I used to volunteer for coral boosters and I used to, you name it. I like to be involved, I like to help. Um, but it was like boom, I was like, what? I just felt like he's like, put it down, put it down, put it down. Well, besides my job, I my hands were open. I had, you know, but all these things that I wanted to do or did do before, you know, this was like, it's like you don't want to eat what's on your plate sometimes. Right. You want to that. And so here I have this, this that's been given to me. And it's hard to swallow. It is. It is that yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

There are a lot of shiny, beautiful things we can do for Christ that make us feel really good about ourselves and at the end of the day don't require much sacrifice. But we did it in the name of God, and I'm not mocking because we've all been there, right? Where we all, I served here in the name of Jesus, I can go home at the end of the day, and my life is cozy and comfortable. Yeah. But then when God asks you and and and presents you with the opportunity and you step into something that really is true sacrifice, like everyday sacrifice of giving your life, of laying down your cross or picking up your cross, laying down your life and picking up your cross and following Him. Yeah, that type of sacrifice, that's different. Yeah, that's different. The other stuff is great, and we can be so busy doing good things. But there's a difference between doing what God has called us to do and being up close to the hurting and the broken and really living out the gospel in a way that's sacrificial, right? Then doing the fun, shiny things at the end of the day, you know, and those things are fine, right? But we can there's such a difference, and there's a difference of being with people who have that understanding. Like that those conversations are raw and they're real.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you know you need Jesus. You are depending on God because you have to.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You have no other choice. And you start to realize how little we are as human beings, right? And how big God is. Yes. And how much we need Him.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It is how broken this world is. And it's a grief that I think that in itself is like part of it, is like you start to grieve how broken this world is. Yeah. Because as being in the space and the stories and the lives and the things that you hear, it's really hard.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You know, really hard.

SPEAKER_01

And it it's a beautiful thing to be in the midst of that. But then when you do start to feel hope come back, you know, we felt kind of hopeless for a while. Like, you know, it's a process, it's not an overnight thing. Healing takes time and hard work and a lot of things like prayer and community and uh counseling and you know, getting out and having fun, you know, being, you know, caring for yourself. And like there's so many things um that go into it, and it's it takes time, but then you start to see it's like a little, you know, sprout that starts to sprout up, and you're like, okay, like, you know, and then maybe you take a couple steps back, but then, you know, you see another thing, you start to have eyes to see it, but like right in the thick of it, it was seemed impossible. Um, but yeah, and I think all of there are so many beautiful ways to serve the Lord. That was my job at um when I worked at the Chapel in Green for six years and I worked with volunteers, sitting with people, trying to figure out where a great place to serve would be, and and we should be doing that. I think it's more of the issue of will I say yes to the things that he is asking me to do, not that are available to do, like that, you know your best, yes. Yeah, yeah. And so, and sometimes life just throws you one of these where. You're like, it's just yeah, this is it. And like my husband was watching um right at the beginning of the journey with Bryce when he moved in, he was watching Apollo 13. And he told me he's like, this line in this movie really hit me. He said that the everybody was like naysaying, like that they could get the the ship back and everything, and they were all like they were doomed. And the one guy says, Gentlemen, I think this is going to be our finest hour. And you know, he just felt like that was for us. Like we are going to be okay.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And you know, and now I look back at my own story and our family and see how God has chosen us and picked us for this. And and we're gonna celebrate. And sure, you know, this is not the end of the story. Um, and he's gonna get the glory because I will tell you, I wanted to quit. I knew I wasn't going to, but I wanted to. And and we both were like, you know, just feeling very overwhelmed. And, you know, you bargain for a minute, like maybe there was somebody else that should do this, or and it's like, no, it's you. And now we have come so far. And then so we went to the conference, and then fast forward to the next year. Um, so last year I was really impacted by Dr. Kurt Thompson, who was there, and he was talking about um, you know, kind of reframing when you look at behaviors of somebody and saying, you know, not what's wrong with you, asking what happened to you. And thinking about that, it it helps you have so much grace um for yourself and for the children that you're caring for, because these are these are saying something, these behaviors, not it's not they're not bad kids, they're not, they just are trying to figure out life in light of tragedy and sometimes abuse and like things that they've been through. And so when I really think about that, and I even think about my own stuff that I feel like I wrestle with in my own mind and knowing my own story, I'm like, okay, I can make sense of it and not I can have grace for myself and grace for them as we try to figure this out. And so God's been good to us. Um, we're looking forward to this year and seeing what the Lord has for us. And you know, my husband's gotten involved too.

SPEAKER_00

He goes to some of the dad's things and um and you help us now with mobilize. You're on our team that helps with some of the event planning, and and so you've been a blessing there too. And it's just so cool to see. I remember the first time you came and meeting you and how nervous and unsure you were, and and now you're just like part of us, you know?

SPEAKER_01

I'm honored, and I I love being able to be a part of you know, creating an atmosphere and space, like for people to feel welcome. Like that's just something I really enjoy. And I wouldn't have written that in either, but I just feel like God's grace in that, like, and it's a connecting point for me to stay involved even as things improve, you know, um, for us at home. So, you know, where we are um today, um I'll tell you, like my husband, JP, he's like, you know, we we have a front row seat to miracles and we do. And the our family is um we're settling in, I think, and our older kids are, you know, they're building their families and um so proud of them and how they have represented Christ in this too. It's not been easy for them.

SPEAKER_00

Um I think as a parent, you know, your initial, your initial reaction is to protect them from the heart. Right. We went to. That's right. But sometimes that's the very thing that they need to see who God is and what God can do. Yeah. And you know we talk about, we talk about the grief and the loss and the heart and the brokenness, but I don't want to like to take away from the fact that in the middle of all this, there is that joy and that hope and that peace and true happiness that doesn't come from pleasure or things, that comes from truly seeing God at work in your life in the midst of the brokenness. Yeah. And so while we are very real that this is hard, that this is broken, that we'll never be the same, that there's grief. I we're in the space and we stay in the space because we've seen God work. Yeah. And we know God can do amazing things through this. This is why we continue to invite others into the space. We say, come, join us, welcome these children into your home. Your life will be wrecked for the sake of Christ. Yeah. But you will never be the same. But you will be somebody and have a peace and joy deep down that can never come from the things of this world, you know, and it's it's a really cool thing. And your family is amazing and and sweet and so excited to be grandma and mom at the same time. And you know, I yeah, hey, I'm there, lady. I'm changing anger still, okay?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it is it is amazing. And you know, we are so thankful um that God would have this for us. We I I would say that neither one of us, I don't want to be the same. We, you know, yeah. I it's a it's a really cool thing to say. Like, yeah, it's difficult and not what I imagined, but I wouldn't change it right for anything. And especially, you know, the celebration is is bigger. It is bigger because these things like you know that we get to witness with the boys, uh, like uh it's uh it's just a big celebration. Like Chase is getting ready to graduate high school in May. You know, he had a great football season, he's getting good grades, you know, he works and he wants to go to college. Like I know his parents would be so proud. And um Bryce, you know, gave his life to Jesus at his summer trip last year, and we are seeing the fruit of that in him. He apologizes to me now. They both call me mom, yeah, which is something that I don't take lightly. Yeah, so I went from she and her to mom, um, miracle. It's a miracle, and sure I, you know, I couldn't have seen it a couple years ago. And so he, you know, he's doing, he's doing great, and he's gonna go on his school trip and things that we didn't, you know, know if he would be able to do. He is really, he is becoming the young man, both of them, that that God intends him to be. Um, and this isn't the end of their story. And someday they're gonna tell their story. I always say it's not gonna be me, you know, it's gonna be them testifying to God's grace and provision of their life. We're just a piece of that for sure. They are surrounded by um, which I think was actually didn't intend to say that, but they are surrounded, that's the theme of the conversation. They are surrounded by uh so many amazing people. Uh they're counselors, their family members, their siblings, their teammates, their drum teachers. You you know, it's not just me and JP. Like, I mean, we have there are people, and more than that, the rejoicing that is going on in heaven, you know, uh, over Bryce's decision, you know, in the heavenlies, those that are fighting for them, and I believe that that is Jehovah Sabayoth, that is the Lord of hosts, the God of armies, that is fighting for them and them and us and his people. And so I sometimes think, Lord, why do I doubt you? Like, how you know, but he knows that we're dust and he knows we get overwhelmed. But I just love that picture of that, and it gives me hope, and I know we're gonna make it, and um yeah, we're on our way. And so yeah, I'm excited to see what God has next and try not to live in fear of all the things and uh what could go wrong, you know, or if I'm not gonna do it right. And it's an interesting thing to have children who have been through so much, and then I don't want to make it worse, you know. I'm like, there's this pressure of like, you know, I I want to be part of a healing for them. But again, Kurt Thompson was talking about rupture and repair, like they don't need me to be perfect, they just need me to be human, yeah, and and tell them I'm sorry when I mess up so that you know they feel safe. And like, so I I'm learning a lot, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You definitely have come a long way, just like the rest of us. Oh, yeah, so far to go. Yeah, yeah, just like the rest of us, human beings here on this earth. And um, I think that's a great segue into inviting everybody to come to our Mobilize Ohio conference in March this year, March 21st in North Canton. Um we don't want to, we can't fix everything, but our goal is for you to feel seen and known, uh, to be encouraged on this journey that while there are really hard things everywhere you're turned, and you may be surrounded by really hard things, there's a great big God who is surrounding us too. And to be reminded of that. And God's been surrounding you and your family this whole time, and you're starting to see the evidences of that as the boys are growing and God's changing things. And um, he's a God that doesn't change, but he changes things for us, and that is such an amazing, amazing thing. And Jamie, thank you so much for sharing. And I know it's not an easy thing to always go back into all the hard and share that, but thank you for sharing today and um thank you for all your help at the conference. And so uh if you want to see Jamie, she'll be there. She'll look her up and say hello and thank her.

SPEAKER_01

Well, thank you, and thank you to Hope Bridge and just how you do embrace new people that walk in and just, you know, you've met me for coffee and like just been so gracious. So I do want that for other people. Um, you don't have to go it alone, and it's it's definitely worth it. Um, it's a very little cost to come um but for that whole day, and you get fed and you get to worship and you get to be in a room full of people that are moving the kingdom forward um one little life at a time, and it's really awesome.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Uh check out our show notes uh for links to the Mobilize Ohio conference registration. Uh, we hope to see you there.