When I was working at a telecommunications company, I was the manager of a department of engineers and technicians responsible for designing and building automated test equipment, to test the company’s products on the manufacturing floor.  One day, I was on the distribution list of an email from one of the manufacturing managers, which described their inability to get sufficient quantities of a particular product tested in time to meet that week’s production schedule.  I was upset, because the email seemed to point to a problem with our testers, and I felt that the testers were not the cause of the problem.  So, instead of going and talking directly with that manager, or even doing a direct reply to him only, I did a Reply All and was very direct in stating that the manager was wrong and the test equipment was fine.

Later, I saw the production manager.  He said to me, “What have I done to offend you?  I see you bow your head before you eat lunch in the cafeteria, so I thought you were a Christian.  But the way you publicly blasted me makes we wonder.”

Wow!  He was right.  I hung my head in shame, then looked at him and agreed with him - that my actions did not line up with my faith.  I asked him to forgive me, and he did.  He then shared with me additional information that I did not have, which changed my perception of the problem.  I thanked him for that information, and relayed it to our team.  We provided additional training to the operators, and made some small changes to the test sequence, and things went much better.

Then, I went to each of the other people on the distribution list for my email and explained that I was wrong, and asked them to forgive me as well.  That was really hard.  But the difficulty of having to do it multiple times, with multiple people, left a lasting impression on me.  God used it to teach me the importance of one-on-one, personal communication for challenging situations – and of involving only the person that is part of the problem, or part of the solution.

When you do this, you might find out that (like me) you do not have all the facts, or that (as my leadership coach Jerry Witten would say at my next job) THEY.  MIGHT.  BE.  RIGHT.  (See episode 40 where I share the story of later learning value of these four important words.)  In addition, even if they are indeed wrong, you are confronting them privately, according to the timeless and wise model of respect and love, found in the following passage:

Matthew 18:15 NASB  "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.

So, what else did I learn from this experience?

·         I must not be quick to make assumptions about a situation:

o   John 7:24 AMP  Be honest in your judgment and do not decide at a glance (superficially and by appearances); but judge fairly and righteously.

·         I must not be quick to find fault in what a person is saying, but instead seek to listen to and understand the person:

o   Proverbs 18:2 NIV  Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.

o   James 1:19 NIV  My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

·         I must be quick to have a humble attitude, and be open to the possibility that I might be wrong in a situation:

o   Philippians 2:3 NIV  (3)  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  

o   1 Peter 5:5b NIV  All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble."

o   Luke 14:11 TPT  “Remember this: everyone with a lofty opinion of who he is and who seeks to raise himself up will be humbled before all. And everyone with a modest opinion of who he is and chooses to humble himself will be raised up before all.”

I must admit that I am continuing to learn these lessons, because I have not mastered them yet.

Let me review those lessons again:

·         Always seek to have one-on-one, personal communications with the person involved

·         Set aside my hastily formed assumptions

·         Be slow to speak, and 

·         Be quick to listen to the other person’s perspective with an open and humble mind. 

Today, I encourage you to “Reflect on This.”