In a previous episode, we began looking at Ephesians 5:22-33, a foundational passage for understanding God’s plan for the relationship of husband and wife.  And I promised you an additional perspective on this passage, by viewing the passage through the lens of the chapter theme of “walking in love.”  So, here we go!

We took a brief look at all of chapter 5 of Ephesians, in order to discern the context and overall theme:

Ephesians 5:1-2 NASB  Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;  (2)  and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

So, we see that Paul immediately introduces in verse 2 the overall theme of the chapter:  walking in love, in ways that are consistent with our love for Christ.

Ephesians 5:3-20 – examples of how to walk (and NOT walk) in love.

Ephesians 5:21 NASB  and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.  

• (This is a summary statement of how to walk in love.)

Ephesians 5:22-33 is then a specific example of walking in love – in this case, the example of how a husband and wife are to walk in love.

So, the entire chapter is focused on walking in love, and includes examples and illustrations of how believers are (and are NOT) to walk in love.

When viewed through this lens of walking in love (the theme of chapter 5), it is clear that mutual love and respect is intended to be the overarching quality of the husband/wife relationship.  

A good word picture for marriage is to view the husband and wife as teammates.  Why?  Consider the players on a football team.  Although they have different roles and responsibilities, they all share in the wins and the losses.  They are equal in value, worth, and dignity.  They are teammates.  Similarly, the husband and wife, as they exercise their roles in marriage, they share in the wins and losses, because they are teammates.  Their roles and responsibilities must be exercised within the overarching command of verse 21 – to “be subject to (or submitted to) one another in the fear of Christ.”  This mutual submission is illustrated in mutual respect.  Let me explain.

The quality of leadership that the husband displays toward his wife is to be exercised through a love for his wife that mirrors the sacrificial love that Christ has for the body of believers.  So, his love must be not only sacrificial, but others-focused (so that he does not put his own personal desires ahead of his wife’s desires). That means, among many things, that he will not use his role as leader to get his way in things.  He views himself as his wife’s teammate, and not as her coach or king.  This demonstrates his respect for the value, worth, and dignity of his wife.

The wife is to “respect” her husband.  The Greek word is phobeo (fob-EH-o), and is rendered in various Bible translations as respect, honor, reverence, or be tenderly devoted to her husband.

I must say at this point that I am still learning in my own marriage this biblical model of mutual respect, and of putting each other first.  I grew up in an era when many in the body of Christ were teaching a model of marriage that did not reflect mutual respect, because these statements in Ephesians 5 were not viewed in the bigger context of the chapter theme of walking in love, nor in the context of the overarching command in verse 21 – to “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”  

By proper application of the chapter context, the husband and wife are to “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” (v 21) and thereby examples (to the world and to the body of Christ) of the chapter’s theme of walking in love.  

So, back to our original question:  is there subordination in marriage?  Yes!  

•  The wife subordinates to her husband and puts him first, motived by her respect for him, and motivated by the example of the church submitting to Christ. 
• The husband subordinates to his wife and puts her first, through his sacrificial love for her and his willingness to lay down his life for her, and motivated by the example of Christ’s sacrificial love for the church.

The biblically defined subordination that should be seen in a marriage is, therefore, a mutual subordination of each spouse to the other, sacrificing for one another, and putting each other first.

Today, I encourage you to “Reflect on This.”