I have a confession to make.  It has only been in the last few years that I have come to realize that, for many decades, I lived focused on myself, and that I was allowing my own knowledge, perceptions and opinions to filter (or even ignore) the wisdom and perspective of others.  

I had determined while a teenager that I would not be like my dad when I was an adult.  During my childhood, he was harsh, proud, self-centered, and controlling.  (I should pause here to say that my dad and I developed a good relationship during my adult years.  He had many good qualities that were passed on to me, for which I am grateful.  Now back to the story.)  On the outside, I looked to be just the opposite of my dad.  I gave the impression of being kind, humble, and willing to help and listen to others.  

But I have discovered in recent years that I was indeed very much like my dad.  I was controlling, but not using outward, overt means like he did.  Instead, I controlled by subtle manipulation. I was secretly proud of the gifts that God had given me in several areas.  As a result, I was very self-focused, thought that I was always right, and did not tune in and genuinely listen well to others.  

In recent years, this came to light in my relationship with my beloved wife.  For many decades, I had deceived myself into thinking that I was listening to her, attentive to her needs and wishes, and really in tune with her heart.  I was so deceived!  I am so grateful that I have finally understood the true condition of my soul – that I was not listening to, attentive to, or in tune with my wife.  Thankfully, I finally acknowledged my condition.  I allowed God to begin the ongoing process of changing my heart and my soul, repenting of these serious, damaging character defects, asking my sweet wife to forgive me, and then ingrafting relevant Scriptures into my soul.  This process is what I call Soul Work -- an ongoing process in which your soul (your mind, will and emotions) is progressively transformed into what God designed it to be.  (More about Soul Work in a future podcast, or maybe even in a future book.  We’ll see.  😊)  As a result, I am beginning to live a life that is more others-focused.  My wife is finally beginning to feel loved and heard.  

The key was finally learning to be a genuine listener to others, and especially to my wife --  so that she began to feel heard, seen, known, and loved.  Becoming a genuine listener has also helped me to become more others-focused.

I am now beginning to see that listening and being attentive to others – especially to those you love – is essential to following the example of Jesus and the teaching of Scripture.  The following are 6 biblical principles of genuine listening (taken from an article on the Bible Repository web site):

Listening as a path of wisdom

·         Proverbs 1:5 NIV  let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance,

·         Proverbs 19:20 NIV  Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

·         James 1:19 NIV  My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  [This is a call to prioritize listening over responding.]

·         Proverbs 12:15 NLT  Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.

Listening as an act of love

·         John 10:27 HCSB  My sheep hear My voice, I know them, and they follow Me.  [Listening is not passive.  It is an active, loving response that guides our actions.]

·         Galatians 6:2 NLT  Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.  [Listening allows us to truly understand the burdens that others carry, so we can then offer to support one another.]

·         Philippians 2:4 NLT  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.  [Taking an interest in others begins with listening.]

·         Romans 12:10 NLT  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.  [Genuine affection is expressed by listening to others, giving them our full attention, and valuing what they have to say.]

Listening as a means of encouragement:

·         1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.  [To build each other up, we must first understand each other.  Listening provides that understanding.]

·         Proverbs 12:25 NLT  Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.  [To offer the right words of encouragement, we must first listen to the worries that are weighing others down.]

·         Colossians 3:16 NIV  Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.  [Listening is the first step in providing counsel that is rooted in the wisdom of Christ.]

You might be thinking, “You said you were sharing 6 biblical principles of genuine listening.  That’s only 3.”  The other 3, of course, are in the next episode.  😊

Today, I encourage you to “Reflect on This.”