Boundaries

Season 2 Episode 13 -- Is this concept of healthy emotional boundaries actually a biblical principle?  In other words, do we see any examples of this principle in the Bible, or in God's creation around us?  But even if this principle is indeed biblical, wouldn't the setting of healthy emotional boundaries keep us from experiencing community with other people?  Well, listen to today's episode and find out!

"Reflect on This" is a once-weekly, short devotional podcast. In these devotionals, I share the things I am learning about the ways and nature of God, in what I hope are practical and meaningful ways.
 
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Resources that inspired some episodes:

"Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

"The Pleasure of His Company" by Dutch Sheets

"Fresh Air" by Chris Hodges

“Dream Small:  The Secret Power of the Ordinary Christian Life” by Seth Lewis
 
 Blog by Seth Lewis:  https://sethlewis.ie/

“The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman

"The Lies We Believe: Renew Your Mind and Transform Your Life" by Dr. Chris Thurman

Featured ministries and resources:
 
“Agape Puppets” (ministry)
This is an amazing world-wide ministry that uses puppet shows to reach children (and their parents) for Christ, in cultures that are generally not very open to the Gospel.  To learn more, go to: https://theagapepuppets.org/ 

"Manufacture Good" (ministry)
 Manufacture Good is a Christian ministry that offers 3-month paid apprenticeships to unemployed young men.  These apprentices learn valuable woodworking and metalworking skills which lead to employment opportunities.  The sale of the high-quality furniture they produce supports the ministry.  You can shop their catalog of fine home and office products, order a standard or custom piece of furniture, and learn more about this amazing ministry, at: https://manufacturegood.org/.

"The World and Everything in It" (podcast)
This is a weekday 35-minute podcast that presents headline news, in-depth news articles, media reviews, and opinion pieces from a Christian world view.  Their stated mission is "biblically objective journalism that informs, educates, and inspires."
 
“Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage” (podcast) 
This is a once a week 30-minute podcast hosted by Greg and Erin Smalley, who head up the marriage team at Focus on the Family.  Each episode addresses a different aspect of marriage, using biblical principles, featured guests, practical advice, and a mixture of humor and candidness.  
 
"Joni Eareckson Tada: Sharing Hope" (podcast)
This is a 4-minute weekday podcast, where Joni shares stories of her life and biblical applications.  One of the world's longest living quadriplegics, God has used her courage, determination, faithfulness, and love to inspire and minister in amazing ways to people around the world.    
 
"e-Sword" (Bible study software)
This study tool includes many free public domain resources (and many other resources for purchase), including Bibles, dictionaries, commentaries, devotionals, and maps.  You can simultaneously view multiple Bible translations, a dictionary, and a commentary.  
On your computer, go to e-sword.net
On your mobile device, go to your app store and search for “e-sword.” 

Music credits:
Beauty by MaxKoMusic | https://maxkomusic.com/
Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all 

Transcript

Over 30 years ago, Henry Cloud and John Townsend published the first edition of the groundbreaking book “Boundaries.”  It was groundbreaking because it looked at the concept of establishing healthy emotional boundaries in our lives from a biblical perspective.  Because it was based on biblical principles, and filled with relevant scriptures, it has become a very helpful book for followers of Jesus.  I am going back through this classic book now, and will be sharing some highlights in the next few installments of this series.

Greg and Erin Smalley remind us that when we set a boundary with someone in a healthy way, we are not trying to keep them out.   Instead, we are actually trying to keep our heart open to them.  As we keep our heart open, we are able to engage with them from a place of love.  Pastor Chris Hodges says , “[A life with] no boundaries leads to brokenness.  The world advocates no boundaries, and that does not work.  I say, ‘God, we want Your boundaries in our lives!’”

You might be asking, “Why is this topic of boundaries important?”  Well, “beginning with the end in mind,” let me answer in this way:  It turns out, as I hope you will see, that honoring healthy and loving boundaries is a very biblical principle of life, established by God.  Living by these principles is a blessing for us, and for those around us.  

In addition, taking a closer look at our past will help us to understand how our boundaries (both healthy and unhealthy) developed.  This gives us insight into how to partner with God in the transformation of our unhealthy boundaries into healthy ones.

So, what are boundaries?  Just as property lines mark the physical boundaries of responsibility for property owners, emotional boundaries mark the lines of emotional responsibility between people.  Boundaries are not walls.  We are not to be “walled off” from others. In fact, we are to be “one” with others, and in community with them (as Jesus is with the Father):

John 17:11b HCSB  Holy Father, protect them by Your name that You have given Me, so that they may be one as We are one.  

But in every community, all members have their own space and property.

In chapter 2, the authors say, “The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God.”  God exists as a distinct, separate being, responsible for Himself.  He is separate from His creation and from us.  And yet “God has boundaries within the Trinity. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are one, but at the same time they are distinct persons with their own boundaries. Each one has His own personhood and responsibilities, as well as a connection with and love for one another.” 

John 17:24b AMPC  For You [Father] loved Me [Son] before the foundation of the world.

“God also limits what He will allow in His yard. He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards His house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love Him, and He lets His love flow outward to them at the same time. The ‘gates’ of His boundaries open and close appropriately.”

God’s creation is filled with many examples and analogies of establishing boundaries. Here are just a few of them:

• Skin - Our skin keeps the good in and the bad out.  
• Words - Our words are intended to be used to establish healthy and loving boundaries.  The most basic boundary-setting word is “no.”
• Truth - “Knowing the truth about God and His property puts limits on you and shows you His boundaries…  There is always safety in the truth, whether it be knowing God’s truth or knowing the truth about yourself.”
• Geographical distance - You can use geographical distance when you have given to your limit, or to get away from danger and put limits on evil.
• Time - You can use time to regain ownership, by taking time off from a person or project.
• Emotional distance - You can use emotional distance as a temporary boundary, to give your heart the space it needs to be safe.
• Consequences - Consequences “let people know the seriousness of the trespass and the seriousness of our respect for ourselves.”  Consequences are very biblical:
   
  • 2 Thessalonians 3:10 (NASB) For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.

So, you may be asking, when I have a healthy and biblical perspective on life, myself and others, what things should I consider to be within my boundaries?  The answer, of course, is in the next episode. 😊

Today, I encourage you to “Reflect on This.”