The Seven Primal Questions

Season 3 Episode 28 -- Do you ever find yourself slipping into doubts about safety, security, love, connection, success, worth, or purpose?  If we are honest, we all have had this happen to us on occasion.  In this episode, I will share with you the powerful results of 5 years of research, 6,000 hours of interviews, and 100,000 assessments to create a simple yet profound model of human behavior that categorizes people according to their motivations, fears, and behaviors.  This model not only helps people to identify their top emotional need, but also helps people to turn that primary emotional need into a superpower.  Find out how in this episode!

"Reflect on This" is a once-a-week, short devotional podcast, where I share what I am learning about following Jesus, through applying eternal biblical principles to life, in practical ways.  Not religion, but RELATIONSHIP - relationship with Jesus!
 
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Resources that inspired some episodes:

"The Seven Primal Questions" by Mike Foster

"Worship Is My Weapon" podcast by Rita Springer:  https://youtu.be/RucXhr1zYGU?si=WeVTpssmUP4rMXlL 

"My Heart, Christ's Home" by Robert Munger

"The Language of Rivers and Stars" by Seth Lewis

“Dream Small:  The Secret Power of the Ordinary Christian Life” by Seth Lewis

Seth Lewis blog:  https://sethlewis.ie/

35 Bible Verses About Listening To Others (Explained) - Bible Repository 

"Restoration Year: Devotions to Transform Your Relationships, Spirit, and Faith" by John Eldredge

"Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

"The Pleasure of His Company" by Dutch Sheets

"Fresh Air" by Chris Hodges

“The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman

"The Lies We Believe: Renew Your Mind and Transform Your Life" by Dr. Chris Thurman

Featured ministries and resources:
 
“Agape Puppets” (ministry)
This is an amazing world-wide ministry that uses puppet shows to reach children (and their parents) for Christ, in cultures that are generally not very open to the Gospel.  To learn more, go to: https://theagapepuppets.org/ 

"Manufacture Good" (ministry)
Manufacture Good is a Christian ministry that offers paid apprenticeships to men who need a second chance.  These apprentices learn biblical principles, character, and valuable woodworking and metalworking skills which lead to employment opportunities.  You can shop their catalog of fine home and office products, order a standard or custom piece of furniture, make a donation, and learn more about this amazing ministry, at: https://manufacturegood.org/.

"The World and Everything in It" (podcast)
This is a weekday 35-minute podcast that presents headline news, in-depth news articles, media reviews, and opinion pieces from a Christian world view.  Their stated mission is "biblically objective journalism that informs, educates, and inspires."
 
“Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage” (podcast) 
This is a once a week 30-minute podcast hosted by Greg and Erin Smalley, who head up the marriage team at Focus on the Family.  Each episode addresses a different aspect of marriage, using biblical principles, featured guests, practical advice, and a mixture of humor and candidness.  
 
Music credits:
Beauty by MaxKoMusic | https://maxkomusic.com/
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Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0
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Transcript

The Seven Primal Questions is one of several models of human behavior that categorize people according to their motivations, fears, and behaviors.  Some other examples of these models include the Myers-Briggs personality test, the enneagram test, the 5 Love Languages, etc.  All have some merit.  None are perfect.  

The two that have benefited me and my wife the most are the 5 Love Languages and the Seven Primal Questions.  Why?  Because they have given us insight into how God made each other, and have thus facilitated better communication, understanding, empathy, compassion, and trust.  They have helped to develop continuing curiosity about each other, because the truth is that all persons change and grow over time.  Therefore, we should always be in a state of learning about our spouse.  

1 Peter 3:7a NLT  In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.  

The Seven Primal Questions was, for me, the most eye-opening, in terms of understanding both myself and my wife.  It helped me to see life more clearly from my wife’s perspective.  It helped me and my wife to understand why certain things or situations trigger each other.  

Is this model biblical?  Yes!  

Psalm 139:14 HCSB  I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. 

The Seven Primal Questions help us to discover the remarkable and wonderful uniqueness of how God made each of us.

What is a Primal Question?

Your Primal Question represents your apex (or top) emotional need.  It's the question you've been subconsciously asking that has influenced your choices, decisions, and relationships. After 5 years of research, 6,000 hours of interviews, and 100,000 assessments, Mike Foster discovered that there are Seven Primal Questions:

1. Am I safe? — The need for physical and emotional safety
2. Am I secure? — The need for enough financial and relational resources
3. Am I loved? — The need to be seen, heard, and known
4. Am I wanted? — The need to be pursued and connected
5. Am I successful? — The need to feel like a winner and achieve success
6. Am I good enough? — The need to feel worthy and valued
7. Do I have a purpose? — The need to have an impact and meaning in life

We all have all seven, but at some point, ONE emerges during your life as your Top Emotional Need.

Here’s what else he learned…

Relational conflicts stem from our Primal Question being answered with a "No" or "Maybe.”  When this happens, we enter what he calls the Scramble.

Foster uses the term “scramble” to describe all the unhealthy ways we try to force the answer back to a "Yes” to meet our need, such as people-pleasing,  passive-aggression, perfectionism, substance abuse, codependency, etc.

Here's the big idea: You will significantly increase your potential for a fulfilling relationship with your spouse (as God intended marriage to be) if you both continually strive to answer each other’s Primal Question with a "Yes."  This is very important to a thriving marriage.

I encourage each of you to do the following SOON:

• Discover what your Primal Question is, by using the online FREE 5-minute assessment found at www.primalquestion.com 
• Ask your spouse to discover what his/her Primal Question is, using the same assessment tool.
• Plan a time to sit down together and share your results with each other.
   
• The purpose is to seek mutual understanding of each other’s Primal Question. 
• If either of you has an “ah-ha” moment, share it with the other. 
• Identify 2 ways that each of you answer the other’s question with a No or Maybe. 
• Identify 2 ways that each of you answer the other’s question with a Yes.

And here is a suggestion for an ongoing goal:

• Work to become a master at saying “Yes” to your spouse’s Primal Question.

It also turns out that our primal question points to what Foster calls our “superpower.”  So, for example, instead of asking myself, “Am I good enough?”, which is my primal question, God wants me to know that, in Christ, “I am good enough!”  In fact, this gives me the motivation to encourage others that they, too, are good enough.  It becomes my superpower.

Ephesians 2:10 NASB  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Some of the “good works” for which Christ created us are the times we use our superpower to tell and demonstrate to others that they are indeed safe, secure, loved, wanted, successful, good enough, or created with a purpose.  Each of us has a unique way to do this, to bless and encourage those around us, based on our primal question.  In other words, our primal question gives us insight into the “good works” that God prepared beforehand for us to walk in.  So, you can see that knowing your primal question helps you not only in your relationship with your spouse, but in all of your relationships: family, friends, co-workers, etc.

Today, I encourage you to "Reflect on This."