This week on the Anxious Truth. I have some good news for you and your anxiety, and that is that the anxious fear that stalks you the most, that bothers you the most, that triggers you the most, is not special, but you want it that way, so let's go. Hello everybody, welcome back to the Anxious Truth. This is episode 312 of the podcast we are recording in February of 2025. In case you are listening in the future, I am Drew Linsalata, creator and host of the Anxious Truth. I am a therapist practicing under supervision in the state of New York, specializing in the treatment of anxiety and anxiety disorders. I'm a former sufferer of disordered anxiety and OCD and depression for many years of my life, on and off Better now three-time author on the topic, clearly a podcaster, psychoeducator, social media dude, advocate the whole nine yards. And on the Anxious Truth, we talk about all things anxiety, anxiety recovery and anxiety disorders. So if this is your first time here, welcome. I hope you find what we're doing useful. Of course, if you are a returning viewer or listener, welcome back. Thank you for spending time with me and I hope you find today's discussion helpful in some way, of course, if you are listening to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or some platform that lets you rate or review and you dig what I do. Maybe leave a five star rating and a review because it helps other people find the podcast. And if you're watching the Anxious Truth on YouTube, hit the subscribe button if you haven't already, and maybe the notification bell so you know when there's new episodes. And if you like the video, then like the video and maybe leave a comment or ask a question. I'll do my best to interact with you. So this week we're going to talk about the fact that your anxiety is not special. Now, that might sound like a horrible thing for a helper or a therapist to say, but you actually want that to be true. You do not want your anxious fear to be special or unique. There's a reason why I want to talk about this, and that is I thought that episode 312 would be like viewer mail. You guys have sent in all kinds of really cool questions and comments using the little text link. So if you're listening as a podcast it's in the podcast description. I think it's also in the YouTube video descriptions you can actually send me a question or a comment via text. Feel free to do that if you would like to. I don't see your number. I cannot text you back. I cannot share your number with anybody. It's just a way for you to send some feedback about the show. And when I went through all of the cool messages that you guys have sent and, by the way, thank you for all the kind words One of the common threads that kept coming up over and over is people who wanted me to address their specific fear.
Speaker 1:So, in other words, I have people who ask well, can you talk about the fear of passing out? Can you do an episode about the fear of shouting out obscenities or shouting things that I don't want to say and losing control? Can you talk about the fear of having a psychotic break or going insane? Can you talk about the fear of having a heart attack? Can you talk about the fear of never getting better, and so forth and so on.
Speaker 1:As I go through sort of the viewer mail or the listener mail, there's a common theme here which is most of you guys want me to specifically address the thing that you are most afraid of. The reason why that isn't terribly productive is because in a one-to-many environment like a podcast or a YouTube channel or on social media, it's impossible to address everybody's individual, unique fears. Now, the good thing is that most anxious fears really overlap from person to person. So if you think you have a fear that nobody else has in this community, I can tell you that you are wrong. I have heard just about all of them at this point in the many years I've been doing this podcast and interacting with you guys, and there's nothing new under the sun. So, while you might feel alone or like nobody else could possibly have this crazy, irrational, anxious fear that I have, you would be incorrect. The good news also is that those fears tend to fall into specific categories that are the same across a very large number of people. So, while I cannot possibly address and speak to you directly because there's so many of you and only one of me, I cannot directly address your specific fear that you so want me to talk about I can tell you that the general principles that we rely on here, on the Anxious Truth or on the Disordered Podcast that I do with my buddy, josh Fletcher, or any of my social media content or in my books the general principles that we rely on here are applicable even to your fear.
Speaker 1:So, while sometimes, when I say things like your anxiety or your core fear isn't special. It sounds arrogant or dismissive or like I can't be bothered to try to answer you or help you, or I'm mocking you for asking the question. Not at all. I understand why you're asking the question about your specific thing that you think is the scariest, but you actually don't want to be special. You don't want that fear to be unique or special.
Speaker 1:To recognize that an anxious person that maybe suffers from a fear, say cardiophobia, maybe somebody whose anxiety is centered solely on their heart and they're very aware of their heartbeat and they're terrified of their heartbeat, or they walk around all day just waiting for their heart to spontaneously stop that was me. Or somebody whose fear is breath-centric, somebody whose core fear is embarrassing themselves, making a scene ruining everybody's day. Somebody whose core fear is embarrassing themselves, making a scene ruining everybody's day. Somebody whose core fear is passing their anxiety onto their children. Somebody whose core fear is vomiting, somebody whose core fear is passing out, like I can go on and on and on. Every one of those people will tell you that their specific fear or the symptoms or thoughts that they are most connected to and are disturbed by the most, is the most difficult one, but you don't understand.
Speaker 1:What about when is a very common objection that I and people who do the thing that I do hear from members of our community Like great podcast episode on this thing. But what about? So the rules that you talked about can't possibly apply to my thing, and it's important to recognize that, while your anxiety or your anxious brain, your oversensitized brain, your oversensitized and overprime threat response just thinks it's doing the right thing, it's just trying to keep you safe and alive, because that's its job, it is going to suggest to you that no, no, this thing that we're afraid of breathing is super important, right? Because if I stop breathing, I'm going to die. So it must be special. Of course, there can't be anything more important than your heart, so this must be special. Of course there can't be anything more important than your brain and your sanity, or your memory, or your sentience, or your, your ability to be connected to who you are. If my brain breaks, then I'm not me anymore. So clearly that must be special. But it's not.
Speaker 1:In the end, an anxiety disorder is going to convince you that the thoughts that you have, the sensations that you have, the fears that you have are real, actual threats that you must respond to with evasive action. Get away from them, prove them wrong, make sure they don't come true. All of those things that is a common defining characteristic in just about every I say just about. I might want to make a statement and say all anxiety disorders, and that includes people who have generalized anxiety disorder, because while you may not necessarily be fixated on a cardiac disaster or fear of insanity, if you don't engage in your ruminative, perseverative thinking like constant problem solving, scanning, checking, make sure everything is okay. If I don't worry about people actively because I'm a worrier, I have to do it right. That's a danger too. So in the end, an anxiety disorder will convince you that the things it is whispering into your ear all day long are, in fact, very important.
Speaker 1:And often, when you maybe watch or listen to podcasts like this one or again Disordered, don't have Anything to Do With Josh or any other anxiety podcast or you're watching videos or following people on social media, it doesn't matter. And even when you see people who share stories of, say, inspiration or victory, maybe they overcame their anxiety, they found a way to get better. This is what worked for them. You might find that inspiring and encouraging and it might make you feel good, but there's got to be that part of your anxiety disorder that whispers, yeah, but that can't possibly apply to me. That person couldn't have possibly been as anxious or afraid as I am. They couldn't possibly have had this particular thought or symptom or fear, like no, no, this is really important, like good for that person, but they didn't have it as bad as I do Now.
Speaker 1:I'm not trying to insinuate that you think that somehow you are suffering more than anybody else. That would imply that you personally viewer or listener is somehow really self-centered and doesn't understand other people struggle too. I don't think that at all. But an anxiety disorder can be very self-centered and very self-serving and it will dismiss. You know success stories, win stories. You know people who overcame their anxiety on Disordered we Do did it anyways and they sound great. But your anxiety disorder will want to throw them on the floor and say we really can't trust that that principle would apply in our situation. So cool, cheer for that person, be happy for them, be inspired for five or 10 minutes after you hear it.
Speaker 1:But then let's get back to the business at hand, which is listening very closely to the fear that I'm handing you says anxiety disorder, and just kind of stay stuck where you are. So here's the thing If I can give you anything in this particular episode and clearly that's what I'm trying to do, is give you something in these episodes it would be to hang on to the principle that your anxious fear, your core fear where your anxiety or your anxiety disorder is centered is not special or different. It doesn't require special evasive action or special techniques. The thing that you are most afraid is going to happen isn't more likely to happen to you because you fear it the most. A person who has a different core fear, a different core anxious fear the thing that drives their disorder will be just as afraid of their thing as you are of yours, which is, I think, really an important point.
Speaker 1:So we were recording an episode of Disordered this week on breathing anxiety no-transcript and that came up in the conversation. Like if you are watching this video or listening to this podcast today and you are being stalked by a particular maybe OCD theme, a particular set of anxious thoughts or disturbing intrusive thoughts or symptoms or whatever your core fear is, or you don't understand, I can't stop ruminating and worrying and I'm just anxious all day long, but I can't stop doing that because that would be too risky and it violates my identity. And I'm just anxious all day long, but I can't stop doing that because that would be too risky and it violates my identity. Whatever it is that you think is driving the ship, driving the car, driving the anxiety bus for you, if you sat in a room with 100 other listeners of this podcast, people in a similar situation to you, even though you might have GAD, and that person might have OCD, and the person on the other side of the room might have panic disorder, and the person sitting on the other side of the room might have health anxiety, you would all share a common experience. And that would be that the thing that scares you most would probably be disturbing in some way to the other people in the room, but they would understand that, like no, that's not something I would be scared of.
Speaker 1:No-transcript, say. I wish I had that fear. The fear that I have is the worst one. Everybody thinks their fear is the worst one or the one most likely to come true or the one that's even more dangerous. Worst one or the one most likely to come true or the one that's even more dangerous and that's simply not true. So there, in a way, while again it might seem dismissive for me to say your anxiety is not special or your anxious fear is not special, there's a comfort in that. That's a core principle that people like me rely on when we help people with anxiety disorders. It doesn't matter what if you become a therapy client, it doesn't matter what you walk in the door with. Kind of heard it already we all have and we're not gonna be alarmed about your particular fear. So while you may have a specific fear of swallowing or choking or passing out or suffocating or having a heart attack or whatever it happens to be, we're gonna kind of sit and shrug our shoulders at you because we know that you're safe. We understand the mechanics of this and if I can give you something today, it would be.
Speaker 1:There's power in that Like notice that there's a reason why people like me don't answer questions about each individual fear, because we would be answering that question every single day, over and over and over and over, and then we were repeating symptoms and repeating thoughts and repeating anxious fears every day, over and over and over, and it would just be like an endless carousel, where we are addressing, we're just reassuring people every day and not actually passing along actionable information. So let's talk about that for a second. When you are trapped in that sort of cage that your anxiety disorder builds, where it insists that your thing is worse than the other things that everybody else struggles with, or yours is more dangerous because it's more likely to be truer, but you don't understand people really do get cancer. So I have to pay attention to that. Talking to you health anxiety, when your anxiety disorder throws that at you, you have to understand that at some point you're just asking for assurance, like, is this okay? And in a podcast or on a YouTube channel, or when people like me write books, what we can give you is a thing called psychoeducation and we will be able to tell you like, yes, that's a very common fear, but don't worry about it, I'm not concerned that you're going to have a psychotic break when you have a panic attack, because that just doesn't happen. I'm not concerned that you're going to pass out just because you think you might pass out.
Speaker 1:A very common fear, like well, I'm afraid we're going to pass out. Well, have you ever passed out? No, not ever in my life. I'm 52 years old and I've never passed out, says the anxious person. Okay so, but where does that come from? Yeah, but I almost passed out. Okay, that's a very typical example.
Speaker 1:So psychoeducation is awesome because, especially at the beginning of someone's sort of struggle with disordered anxiety or chronic anxiety, you need that. That's called assurance. That's productive. You can use assurance to say, oh well, this is why this crazy dude on the podcast or the videos talks about facing the fear and doing exposures and tolerating and surrendering and floating and accepting and all of those things. We can do that because we're relying on those principles that we try to hand you with psychoeducation. That says, yeah, I've heard that fear before. It's okay, you're safe. But once you've heard it one, five, 10, 20 times from me maybe your own therapist, your doctor, your friends, your anxiety support friends online Once you've heard it X number of times now you're just stuck in a cycle where the way you're going to address your anxiety disorder is to cling to yeah, but it feels like this is different.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I can really accept that explanation. Or don't tell me that what you said about heart anxiety is the same for, like insanity anxiety or the fear of going insane. It can't possibly be the same. So you need to tell me about that particular fear. Now, if you're working directly with a therapist or a counselor in one-on-one, then, yes, the person would address that. So if you're my therapy client, I might spend some time addressing that particular fear, giving you actionable information that helps you understand why that fear is not necessarily true or it's distorted or it's irrational. That helps you understand why that fear is not necessarily true or it's distorted or it's irrational.
Speaker 1:But here, where we can't talk about every individual fear, you're going to have to rely on the principles. That says, well, when they talk about the fact that nobody has a psychotic break when they have a panic attack, that also has to be applied to the fact that nobody just blurts out obscenities in church, even though their OCD might be telling them that could happen and they feel like they have to hang on so tight, right, or every time I swallow I'm in danger of choking. But you don't understand, people really do choke. You're going to have to sort of apply the general principles. That's a good thing, that's a good thing.
Speaker 1:So, again, the thing that your anxiety disorder or your chronic anxiety will tell you is 100% special and really needs special attention, and I need to hear again from someone else that seems to be some sort of expert or that I trust or I don't know. This guy has a big, deep, loud, booming voice, so he must know what he's talking about, whatever it is. Now I need you, drew, to also talk about my particular fear. But if you've asked 15 other people like me to do that, or your own therapist, or your own helpers, your own medical team, your own friends and family, your own anxiety buddies online, at some point you come to the realization that, like, maybe there's no answer to this question Because it's not a question I have to ask. Right, I don't have to keep insisting over and over. After I've asked the question the first five or 10 times, I don't have to keep returning again and again and again. Yeah, but what about what if they're wrong? Or what if they miss something? Or what if this?
Speaker 1:But you don't understand it feels so important. I do understand it does feel very important, it does feel very urgent, it does feel pressing, it does feel more dangerous. You don't care that the guy next to you is afraid of having a heart attack. All you care is that you're afraid of passing out or losing your sanity or having DPDR that never ends. It's okay. I totally understand you are legitimately afraid and worried about that. That is not fake fear, that's real fear. Just that that fear is somewhat universal. And the universality of that fear in the context of chronic and distorted anxiety is it's distorted sort of twisted and somewhat irrational nature.
Speaker 1:So why do I use the word irrational? Why do people like me often use the word irrational? Because a lot of people will say well, I don't fear things that are impossible, I fear things that are possible and do actually happen to people in the real world or have happened to people. You know, I fear a stroke because my friend's dad had a stroke, for instance. Correct. So irrational is just I'm applying that fear in a place where it doesn't belong.
Speaker 1:So when we look at things that really do happen in the real world and you want to say my anxiety is special because you don't understand what I fear really does happen, which a huge portion of this community can claim accurately they would not be lying you have to say well, in my situation, in a chronic or disordered anxiety situation, I apply that as a core fear that disrupts my daily functioning and then drives my life into directions that I don't want it to go in. I don't want it to be that way, I don't like this, I don't like living this way, whereas people who don't suffer with anxiety disorders or chronic anxiety might say well, people do in fact have strokes. People do in fact get cancer. People do in fact suffer from serious People do in fact get cancer. People do in fact suffer from serious mental health issues. That's all true. I'm concerned about that. Every once in a while maybe they'll even say, yeah, I fear that I don't want that to happen to me. But the difference is that concern, that fear if you will, or the worry if you will, is not persistent. They don't get stuck in it constantly, every day, around and around and around, and that fear does not drive their life into directions that that person doesn't want it to go in.
Speaker 1:So you may argue, my core fear, or my anxious fear, is in fact special or unique because it's based on something that happens in the real world. It's true, it could happen, that's right. But the issue is you're applying that knowledge in a disordered or irrational or distorted way. And welcome to anxiety. Right, it's going to distort, it's going to twist things, it's going to color things through a catastrophic set of lenses that you don't really have to be wearing. And that's why we say it's irrational.
Speaker 1:Only, not because the topic itself is ridiculous or it never happens, but because the way you apply that worry or the concern in your life is irrational. It goes sort of out of the bounds of what you would consider a normal or even a productive fear or worry. Because at the core of every anxious fear might be right in situations where you're worried about things that happen in the real world, they might be things that, yeah, it's good to have a healthy concern about that. I have a healthy concern about cardiovascular conditioning because I don't want to die early of a heart attack or have cardiac problems. So I can use that to inform lifestyle decisions that I make and take good care of myself. But if it goes off the rails and I wind up crippled by that fear because it's being applied in a rational or distorted way, well then we have a problem.
Speaker 1:So the bottom line here is it's important for you to lean on even though you don't feel like it's correct to lean on that you have to lean on the idea that you're anxious fear, the thing that is at the core of your anxiety today, because, by the way, that often morphs and the thing that you're most afraid of today might not be the thing you'll be most afraid of in six months, or might not be the thing that you were most afraid of six months ago, even though it feels so important and like it's special and unique and you need to know more about it. In this context, where you're dealing with one helper who's talking to many, many, many people well over 100,000 people you have to rely on the general principle that it's actually not unique at all, while it does scare the heck out of you and disturb you for sure, no doubt, no joke about that it's still not unique and that's empowering. You can use that knowledge to start to inform a change in the way you relate to that fear and the way you react and respond to it, which is the thing we talk about all the time on the anxious truth and all the other stuff that I do. So that is a lot of rambling about the non-unique characteristics of your core anxious fear and the thing that drives your anxiety disorder. And while again, I have to make sure that you understand. I'm not trying to be dismissive of you or tell you that you're wrong. The feeling you have is in fact real. The emotions you have about it are in fact real. The emotions you have about it are in fact real, but we got to rely on the non-unique nature of it to know that we're applying that concern in a bit of a distorted or irrational way which is causing problems in your life that you would rather not have, right?
Speaker 1:So that is episode 312 of the Anxious Truths, sort of wrapping up in the books. If you will, no music. I think I'm kind of done with the exit music, other than if I dub it in in the post processing, which maybe I'll do and maybe I won't, I don't know. But I hope you found this discussion helpful in some way, shape or form. Take some time, chew on it a little bit. You're gonna have to at least consider that I might be right, right? So I understand if you don't believe me today, especially if you're kind of stuck in a bad spot, you're in a dark place or you're new to this and this is the first you're hearing about the nature of disordered anxiety you probably won't fully believe or have faith in what I just said. That's totally okay. You get there when you get there. That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. I don't take any offense to that. You don't have to believe me just because I have a microphone in front of me.
Speaker 1:But all I would ask you to do as we wrap this episode up is at least consider the possibility that I and people who sound like me, who are delivering this message in a consistent basis all the time, might have a point. That's a good first start. If you can at least say well, you know what. I can keep digging my heels in and insist that no, no, no, no this. You don't understand how this feels. You can dig your heels in and lock yourself into that, but that's pretty rigid. Or I can at least consider that maybe the goofy guy on the camera with the microphone might be on to something, because he's not the only person I hear talk about this. If you can at least open yourself up a little bit to that possibility, then today you are winning, even if you're not feeling so great, which you may not be. So you are winning, even if you're not feeling so great, which you may not be. So that is it. I appreciate you hanging out.
Speaker 1:Quick reminder again the Anxious Truth is more than just this podcast episode or this video. There's a ton of other resources that you can find on my website at theanxioustruthcom. Go check it out. A lot of it is free, like all the podcast episodes and social media content, and the stuff that does carry a cost is very low cost and everybody seems to have good things to say about the stuff I produce. So go to theanxioustruthcom and avail yourself of all the goodies.
Speaker 1:Of course, again, if you're listening to the podcast on Apple or Spotify and you can rate and review and you like what I'm doing five stars if you really dig it. Write a little review if you really really dig it, because it helps other people find the podcast and podcasts. And, of course, those of you on YouTube hello YouTube maybe like the video, leave a comment or question. I will try to get to as many of them as I can. It's getting to the point where it's virtually impossible for me to answer all of them, but I will do the best that I can, I promise and subscribe to the channel if you really dig it. I mean, if you really think I'm helpful. Maybe share the channel with somebody that you think needs it.
Speaker 1:But you don't have to do any of those things. If you just enjoyed listening today, it helped you some way. And you're never going to hit the like button, I'm okay with that too. You're still my people. Thanks for hanging out. Remember any little step you can take today toward the light that you actually want and away from that irrational, distorted, magnified, twisted fear is a good thing. Now that means you probably have to walk through the magnified, distorted, irrational fear. But if you take a little bit of a step in that direction facing the thing you fear, unmasking it for what it really is, retraining your anxious brain you are winning, even if that's a tiny step. Thanks for hanging out. I'll be back in two weeks with something else. See you then.