Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used to It, Midlife is a show hosted by two executive life coaches, Beth & Suzee, who are also expert friends and are both getting used to midlife. From empty nesting and aging parents to painful sex, and let’s not forget the extra lubrication, we will sift through all of it, speaking our truth faithfully and vulnerably. Listen as we live through this in ourselves and our relationships in real time and tease through the “how to” of this next phase of life. As coaches, we have the tools, but as women in the middle, we may not have all the answers. Scratch that— we’ll have some damn good ideas, too. Join us, and let’s get used to it together!
Getting used to it, Midlife
Pack Night Is Dead: How to Stop Dreading the Trip Before the Trip
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Is your suitcase still packed with the ghost of travels past? It started as off-air banter about packing and turned into a full conversation about how travel changes in midlife. Suzee and Beth swap notes on ditched habits, capsule wardrobes, pre-trip routines, and the trips that brought them back to themselves — from Beth's 20-minute packing whirlwind to Suzee planning her re-entry meals before she even leaves. So pop in those earbuds and get ready to rethink your next getaway.
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Why Travel Habits Need A Reset
SPEAKER_01Susie, hey.
SPEAKER_00Beth, hello.
SPEAKER_01How are you this fine Tuesday?
SPEAKER_00I am doing great. I'm excited about our conversation because I'm gonna need it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, let's just get into that and how how and we just want to lift the hood and let you guys know how we came to this topic. We thought it was fun. We thought it would be like a little fun anecdote. Susie and I, we often blab off air. And we were, we were blabbing off air, and Susie was telling me, Oh, I'm going on. I had just come back from a couple of trips. She's going on a trip. She was letting me know. And we started talking about the next thing you know, we started talking about packing. Yep. How to what do you hate? What do you like? And then the light bulb went off. And we went, let's talk about it.
SPEAKER_00Let's have this conversation on air, right? Yes.
SPEAKER_01This might be interesting for our listeners. So here we go. Yes. Um, anything you want to say before we get started?
SPEAKER_00No, the only thing really, I guess, just to prep y'all is really just these are we've got questions that we wanted to ask each other, like what do you do in these situations or whatever. So we're just gonna go through a bunch of questions and answer them. Um, and maybe you'll have some great takeaways. And I'm waiting for the takeaways from Beth too. We don't know what it what the other person's gonna say.
SPEAKER_01We did not discuss, we did not discuss off air. And the other thing is, if you have ideas, listeners, please reach out and grab us somewhere.
What We Refuse To Do Now
SPEAKER_00We're on blue sky. Yes. All right. Question number one What's the travel habit you had in your 20s that you absolutely refuse to do now?
SPEAKER_01Okay. I'm gonna answer that. I wonder if anybody will guess this. But in my 20s, and that would have extended into my 40s as well, before I kind of came to the realization that what I was doing was not a great idea for me. Um, I would fly at all hours of the day and night, you know. 6 a.m. flight, great, no problem. Let's fly overnight, great, no problem. Wake up there tired, great, no problem. You know, when you're in your 20s, you have sort of like a la and you have sort of a like your boomerang is elastic. Yeah, you know, then you have a child, and you realize I cannot fly overnight anywhere because that means I'll have to be awake there. Yeah, because they will be, because they sleep by the sun, those children.
SPEAKER_00Gosh, those kids.
SPEAKER_01I know. Love so for me, it would it would be it's flying at decent times. Also, I'd even extend that to, and I don't know what you think about this, is I used to, oh, I'll come home at 2 a.m. on Sunday, go to work at 9 a.m. on Monday.
SPEAKER_00That's a that's a deal breaker now. Yeah, can't do that at all. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Whether it's an energy thing or what like why would that I guess that just didn't bother us before? I think we just did have more energy, but yeah, looking back, whoo, that was tough.
SPEAKER_01I wanted to max my time wherever I was too. So I think that played a role. Yeah. And now I wanna I wanna intersect with my or and and like adjust to my life comfortably.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and like you said earlier, too, like that was pre-kids, right? So we did have that energy, we didn't have responsibility, we just need to get ourselves to work, right? So those were really that that was it. And then you have children and now you're tired, right? And now we're over here on this other side and we want to be comfortable.
SPEAKER_01I like that. Absolutely, absolutely. So let me throw that back to you. Yeah. Um, what travel habit did do you want to kick to the curb and refuse that you refuse to do now that you used to do?
Kicking “Just In Case” Packing
SPEAKER_00Well, I think I used to do a lot of just in case packing. So that meant overpacking, right? So not thoughtfully packing. I don't remember looking up what the weather was gonna be or there might not have been the internet then. Maybe I don't know. Like, how did we know these things then? But there wasn't a mindful packing. It was just what event am I gonna be at? Right. So I'm packing for that thing, then just in case I might need these shoes, just in case I might need this makeup, just in case, and just in case, and just in case. Soon I'm overflowing and still trying to figure out how to close and shut that suitcase and go never sit on your suitcase. Oh, so many times, so many times, right? And now really I don't do that anymore. I just can't. Now I'm so pre-prepped, right? Like I know the weather. Not only do I know the events, but what I'm what am I doing before? What kind of comfortable shoes do I need? What like it's don't give away your pre-trip routine in case you're okay. Because we are gonna talk about that. Yes. I will I will now shut down that information, but uh now I am not over just in case packing. Yeah, like I did before.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. No, I'm with you there. I mean, I I I love how you called it um just in case packing, because that is so um that that's just so it. I used to have this thing, and this doesn't fall into my pre-trip, where I I it would be pack night, right? The night before. Because how could you pack days before? That's just impossible. Um, and where I would be trying on the long lost clothes that I never wore in my closet. And I would be trying I I would be like so slowly going, like, oh yeah, I should bring this. This is so cute. And but what does that go with? And I'd literally trying it all on, not getting closer to packing, though. It was almost like a strange stall.
SPEAKER_00Suddenly you find these clothes that you just haven't tried on. I love that. That's funny. Yeah, you know. Um yeah, you you want to ask the next question? I can. I can. The second question is should we stop pretending we want to backpack through Europe at this age? Okay, who's pretending? I like it. What age are we talking about?
Backpacking Dreams Versus Comfort
SPEAKER_01I I like a little I like a little bit of a shishi hotel room, I'm just saying. Uh a hundred percent. I mean, I'm I mean, I I have seen Does this mean no for you? This is probably no for me. I have seen people my age and older, and probably older people that are younger than me with backpacks on my trips. Um, and they look very practical in their Patagonia clothing. No discs on Patagonia. Adorable. Same. Um, yeah, I'm but I like I like a nice hotel, you know? I I do, and I and I feel like I don't even I often, you know, stay in like uh stay with a friend places, which is also lovely, or maybe try an Airbnb if I'm with my family, because it's a little bit more convenient. When I get into a nice hotel, I'm like, yeah, no, no, no, I'm staying in a hotel. When I went to London last year, someone was saying, like, oh, we can all stay together. And I'm like, all nine of us? Um, I just want to stay in a nice hotel. Yeah. Can I do that?
SPEAKER_00Stay in my room.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What about you? Tell me, are you pretending about backpacking? Are you thinking about it?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I kind of am actually. I like a little mix. Now, I don't want to travel all or through Europe at this age, but a little bit. So um, this is a little bit answering another question, but we were in Oregon, excuse me, and we camped. We, you know, we were tenting it every night, and I loved it. Uh, love hiking, love being outside. So there's there's that part of me that still wants to do some of that, but then we went right into a hotel, nice cozy bed afterwards.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that sounds good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's kind of what I'm watching.
Glamping And Walking Trips
SPEAKER_01Okay. So if we break apart this backpacking idea as a question and and make it less about the pack you wear on your back and how you carry your clothing or and about wilderness traveling, and we make it a little bit about like like here's something I would really be into doing. I would really be into say doing like a hiking trip through Switzerland. Yes. I'd be I'd totally be down with that, but I don't want to sleep outside or cook outside or carry it. You know, yeah. I I would like a little glamping sort of situation, some some glamping, but hey, I'm on my feet. Okay, you know, yeah. Um yeah, I I don't mind. I mean, we did when you know, our daughter is now 20, and when she was in elementary school, her school went on an all-school um camping trip every year, which was really fun and stressful when you have not camped in 25 years. Yes. Um, and it was amazing. Like some of my best night sleep, sleeping in the 30-degree weather outside, etc. You know, I did it. I feel like I did it.
SPEAKER_00And um, yeah, I mean she's done, doesn't she? She sounds done with the backpacking. She's this is a no.
SPEAKER_01This is just a I mean, a walking trip, yes, 100%.
SPEAKER_00Okay, that's where I am with it.
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah, and I'm a mix, I'm a mix. I'm a mix. Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah. Um, um, should we talk about this? Is a fun one, the pre-trip routine now? Go ahead, exactly. So let's hear now, Susie. Let's just let you all know. Of the two of us, Susie has very high exact executive function, she's very organized. If you listened early on in our first season, you heard a lot of talk about the Hobonichi, you know, planner that she uses or used. I think she's probably moved. She's she's probably gone through multiple iterations of planners since we first talked about that. But me, on the other hand, not so planned. So um, tell us your pre-trip routine, and also just nobody feel bad if this is not what they do. Because maybe you're like me.
Pre-Trip Systems That Actually Work
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, this is like oh, I'm just like, I'm so excited if you can just like planning eyes closed, it's like a meditation mode. So I this is one of the things we talked about, and I think that's how we got onto this subject because I did try this capsule wardrobe system I found online for traveling, and I tried it. Explain what that means because some people might not know what some people might purpose. So a capsule wardrobe. Don't know why they call it capsule wardrobe, but I guess because it's capsulized of different. So your setup are encapsulated. Yeah, there you go. And basically everything in this system of clothing, pants, like two pants, one skirt, one dress, two blouses, one t-shirt, one sweater, something like that, some form, however, you want it done, they all match each other. So whatever skirt you have on is gonna match the top, whatever pants you have on is gonna match the other one. And so you kind of have a number of, so many numbers of outfits. And so you kind of can't go wrong. Um, I tried it, it worked out really well. I really liked it. And with that, I only added two, two or three just in case items. So it like a jacket just in case it got cold. So maybe just in case there was a pool, there might be a bathing suit added, something like that. But I only allowed myself the two or three just in case items. And then, so that's how I packed, packed. So beyond that, I do a pre-prep, pre-prep. Does that make sense? Can we get a day's in advance timeline here, please? Before I start to think of what my re-entry is gonna be like. I come back home, right? So knowing myself, I'm tired. I don't want to wash my clothes, I don't even want to unpack. Um, I've gotten better at it, but typically I don't. I'm also like it just really also depends on what time zone I'm coming back from. But no matter what, I'm pretty much not moving so much, meaning I'm not gonna want to have make dinner. So I have maybe a couple freezer meals in my freezer.
SPEAKER_01I love that you actually think about dinner when you return.
SPEAKER_00I'm just gonna put a post. 100%. Yes. Because there's so many times we've come home, we're like, I don't want to cook. I don't want to cook. What do you want to eat? I don't know, what do you want to eat? And we're so tired we just pizza, you know. So now I don't want to do that anymore. So we've got the freezer meals in there. Um, and then I've got some things that would be easy for breakfast or whatever that we I could just throw in and not worry about. I also make sure that my calendar is set for my re-entry. I don't have too many meetings. And I know it takes me about two days to re-enter my mind back to real world land. So my first two to three days looks a little bit sparse, as sparse as I can get it on my calendar. I know I might have to make it up in the end somewhere because I have to make up all the meetings, but it's worth it to me. Um, and then I also make sure that if there is a time change in any way, now I'm not as good with this as I am um with the other things, but I do try to do like sleep a little earlier or a little later according to wherever I'm going to the time zone, just so I could start getting on their time zone. Right, right. Yeah. Um, and then I'm just trying to think if there's anything else. I think that's it. This is so fascinating. Okay.
Capsule Wardrobes Explained
SPEAKER_01I love this. Yeah. Shall I go? Go. I mean, one, I just want to applaud you because you know you are the Martha Stewart that I dream to be. Oh God, please don't. So so well planned. Lots of things to think about in what Susie just said, and things just that Beth never thinks of. So, but interesting. Like, I love that you're thinking about the food when you come home. And I love that you're because that's truly an issue. And then I love that you're thinking about um what was the other thing you said? Um, to keep your meetings, keeping your flow quite light, you know, when you re-enter. That's a hundred percent. I completely love that. And I do that as well. That was one of the things I mentioned earlier that I don't do so much anymore, like a travel habit that I don't do so much anymore, is like I try to have some space between, you know, arriving. Okay. Ready for my pre-trip routine? Yeah, I'll hear it. You gave me some good ideas to think about. Oh, good. So um you started with packing. I'll maybe I'll end with packing. Here's what I'll start with. I make sure the um refrigerator's cleaned out. I don't want to come home to old food. Yes. I do the dishes and unload them before I I leave so that whoever's taking care of my dogs and cat, sorry lady, don't come to you know, uh a full um dishwasher or I've left any dishes, you know, and I empty the trash, etc.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
Re-Entry Plans And Jet Lag
SPEAKER_01So, and a couple of times, and I'm not gonna say this is a thing I do because I've only done this a couple of times, I made sure I had like a backup milk in the pantry, you know, something shelf stable. I don't drink milk, but my family drinks almond milk. So if I have one in there, at least I know they can have coffee that that next morning. That seems to be everyone in this family's biggest issue. As long as the coffee works, I was gonna say that's so important. Yeah, everyone can go without food for a bit and figure that out, but we cannot go without coffee here. Um, so I do those things. I I again, like Susie said, I make sure I don't have a lot that I'm getting into work-wise as soon as I come back. So now here, let's now end with um how I pack. So packing has long, like I mentioned, I would try on clothes in advance and you know, the hours, but you know, the the precious four hours before you go to sleep. I'm spending modeling clothes I never wear, right? So I decided about two years ago, no more for that. Yay. What I switched to, and it's not foolproof, and I'm gonna say that, but what I switched to, which was incredibly liberating, was I would get my suitcase out, only a rollerbag. I don't care if I went for a weekend or two weeks, and yes, that's messed me up before, but only a rollerbag. Get the rollerbag out, put it on the bed. I literally put three extra pairs of underwear in there just in case. Yeah, you never know. You never know. Um, and then I look around my room and I literally in like a 20-minute whirlwind grab every item I wear on the daily. Smart and just throw that in. And I tell myself, if I need something while I'm gone, I can I can buy it. I don't want to, but I can if I need to. Um or and if I have to wear an outfit a second time, I can also do that. But what I need to eliminate and what this has eliminated is the stress of packing. Right now, flip side. So that's what I've been doing. So the flip side of that is being places when you don't have enough clothes to not feeling like going shopping. Hi. Yeah, I don't really love shopping, so that's been a problem. Um, and just also arriving to wear the things I just wear every day, which kind of does my head in. I realized it, you know, now that I've been doing this for a couple of years, does my head in a little bit because I'm like, oh, it's just me there in the same clothes.
SPEAKER_00You know, is that because you're wanting to wear something a little bit different on the holiday? Just make it feel like you're somewhere different.
SPEAKER_01I mean, maybe I do, and I hadn't thought about that, you know. So I'll just leave it there. That is that's kind of my preacher. That's and and here's my I come home from the trip. This is new for me too. This is what we were talking about off air. I used to be the kind of person that literally unpacked two weeks later. Right. And now I roll that bag right up to the to the washing machine the moment I get home. I don't let it enter my bedroom. I unzip it there and I begin loading it into the washer and starting the wash. And that's the only if it lingers anywhere else, it will linger.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, I totally agree with you on that one. And I I remember having this conversation with you too. Now, if I can do the laundry before coming home, that's what I'm doing. And I just put everything away. Um, we do a lot of Airbnb, so that's typically works out for us. But yes, it's that unpacking thing that that's cool.
SPEAKER_01Well, to me, unpacking is also the same as folding your laundry and putting it away.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. That sounds easier.
SPEAKER_01I love doing the laundry. I don't like I don't like folding it and putting it away.
Beth’s Stress-Free Packing Shortcut
SPEAKER_00Oh, putting it into the machine. It's the same thing. Yeah, yeah. I could get it in there. Yeah, start. Right, yeah, right. Yeah. Very cool. I love it. I like that you just grab the things that you typically wear, actually. That does take a step out of having to like, oh, but you know, that extra thing. Uh you know, I think there's like a fantasy self that we have when we go on these trips, and we're thinking, we're, I don't know, who are we on these trips? And some people I think buy like a whole other set of clothes just for the trips. I think I used to do that. I used to be one of those people. And we don't need to do that, y'all. Okay. Moving on. Yeah. Number four. What trip made you feel most like yourself again?
SPEAKER_01The old me. Um, part so I so recently I went to Australia and New Zealand, and one of the places I stayed in New, and I I stayed in some lovely hotels, but one place in New Zealand on the South Island, um, in an area called Lake Tekapo, beautiful place. The accommodations available well, I I booked what was there, and it was a a place called Hawkehouse. And as I and I it was a room. I had a private room. I'm like, okay, cool. Um and I noticed deep down in the you can get a room for eight kind of thing. Like they had um bunk beds, and I was like, Oh, interesting, huh? So they're you know, they're speaking of backpacking. They're um they've they've widened to to appreciate the backpacking clientele. So I don't know what it's like. We get there. Um and I'm traveling with a few other people, and I'm in my room by my own. And that I feel like it was a hostel. It was a hostel that had private rooms and a public kitchen, two public kitchens, and there were predominantly young people and there were some older people. And I feel like that being able, I mean, I did that after I left university. I went on a big backpacking trip around Europe. And I felt like being able to go back to that and sort of remember those moments and then think about like, you know, people doing it today. And just also, I mean, I didn't hang around and talk with any, you know, anybody else, but just like the the vibe of it, the community aspect of it. I think that trip or that stay made me feel most like my old self. Oh, that's so glad you had that moment. I know, me too. I mean, I suppose I could go hosteling without the backpack. No, just kidding.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I mean, that's true. You could, and then just go to the hostel during the day and then go to a hotel at night.
SPEAKER_01Or you know, flank it. Yeah, you're gonna flank it. Hostel in between, yeah, flank it with five star on the other end.
Laundry, Unpacking, And Fantasy Selves
SPEAKER_00Exactly, exactly. Um for me, I think it was our last trip to Oregon, and of course we're heading back. You guys can tell a lot. I I love the Oregon, and I like I I think the reason why it felt I felt the most like me there was because I mean the weather. And I'm so I'm in South Florida, and it's typically just so brutally hot here when we do leave to go to other places in the summer. And so when the weather is mild, it just you and we just wake up, we're outside doing things, we're so happy. And then it's in Oregon where there's just a bunch of hiking. Like, like I said, I love hiking, I love being outside. I love that everybody wants to be outside. Um, it just there's something about it. And I miss again, South Florida, so it's flat, a lot of water. I grew up alone around a lot of water in LA. And when I get into the middle of the trees now, oh gosh, Beth, I just love it. I love it. Relax.
SPEAKER_02You drop down relaxes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Drop down a few notches. I'm just not on go go at at all. And I'm just enjoying, I I give myself permission to just sink in and enjoy. Love it, love it, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So that's what and I can really see it, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. As you talk about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Am I there?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Palm trees, not pine trees. I mean, you guys, it's it's really pretty here too. But yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, in a month, you'll be in the trees.
SPEAKER_00So I'll be yes, yeah. That's true. All right, absolutely. Next question. Money talk. Um, yeah, do it. Where do you splurge? And where do you still pinch pennies? I feel like for Beth that's gonna be hotels, is where she splurges.
Trips That Made Us Feel Ourselves
SPEAKER_01You know, the funny thing about me is like I am a real penny pincher. Um, I like a deal. I um am trying to get it, you know, like I and I absolutely pay and tip and you know, want people to get their fair wages. And if there's a discount to be had, I would like that as well. So I'll just put it like that. So, you know, I wouldn't even say we splurge on the hotels because mostly we're not staying in them, except on a rare occasion. Last summer we did, and because because it was not, we went to London and it wasn't the kind of place that where you know you could really get like a VRBO or Airbnb that seemed like it was gonna work for what we needed. And uh, and that's where I was like, no, we're just we're gonna stay in a hotel, it's gonna be nice, and it was so that was probably a rarity. Also, a lot of my travel is around my husband's work. So he he might be in, he his work might be paying for a hotel, which you know will get me in there. Yeah, but when it comes to honestly, I'm not sure when the last time we went on a trip that wasn't around his work, where right, you know, where we were just, you know, we might have taken a few days somewhere, but pretty much we stayed wherever we've been, we haven't taken a trip in a long time that was to a place that we didn't know people where we had to stay in a hotel or another sort of accommodation. So I suppose my splurge I'm trying to think, probably it would be like good food and experiences would be, you know, this summer we we did go to my daughter and I went to Berlin off of that London trip and you know, had some had like a really cool historical um experience, you know, day out with a guide, and it was a bit of a splurge, but it was so worth it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And where do I pinch pennies?
SPEAKER_00Flights. Flights, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. We do the same. We'll we'll look for the the flight deals.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Where you can get them, right? Where you can get them, and then look for the, you know, on the days that they have the best deals and all that stuff. Um, and I think I think that would be where we probably or where I would probably pinch the penny. Um I also don't mind staying like the hotel part is it's not that it's not important, but the food is definitely important to us. So one one time, long time ago, 27-ish years ago, my husband and I went on this trip. We were just dating, and it ended up just being this awful, like all-inclusive trip. Not that they're all always awful or anything, but this one really was. And not only that, we're in the Bahamas and it was raining, pouring down rain the whole time on an island trip, right? So we're supposed to be outside in our bikinis, but no. And one day we got we went somewhere for a restaurant, I think whether it was recommended or whatever, but we sat down, like, screw it, we're paying up, we're eating, and um it was so good. It was so good, and we realized it made the trip better. We were so happy with that meal, that one meal, and we decided from now on, trips are around food. So yeah, 27 years ago, we are always looking for the best place that we can afford to go to, and we're looking for even experiences with the food. So it's really around listen, I want good wine, good whiskey, and good food. That's what I want.
SPEAKER_01I like it. I like it. I like it. I I will say about the hotels, like I stayed in this hotel on this New Zealand trip I mentioned, which was a budget hotel, like a Novotel, which is I think like a European and maybe you know, Oceana kind of chain of like reliable business hotels. And it was at the airport, and it was amazing, like it was clean, it looked, it was cool design, and it it wasn't flash and expensive at all, and completely fit all my needs. That is awesome. I loved it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, all right. So so I think we're gonna leave it there. Yeah, that was it. That was all our questioning. For I mean, listen, there might be more, but I think we could do a part two. I think we could do a part two, especially after we hear what everybody else is doing out there too. I can't wait. And we're gonna wrap it up here.
Where We Splurge And Save
SPEAKER_01Yeah, please get in touch and uh follow us on Blue Sky. Um, and let us know, like um, you know, what you're thinking about traveling. Um, what are you doing? Yeah, exactly. You know how you do it, um, and anything you think we would like to know, that would be amazing. Thanks for listening. See you later. Bye.