Cultureful

S1E7. Tina, Part 1: Taiwanese Chinese American- A cut above the rest

• Jess Lin • Season 1 • Episode 7

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In this special bonus episode of Cultureful, host Jess Lin speaks with Tina, a 37-year-old Taiwanese Chinese American tech project manager from Fremont, California. The episode delves into the first half of Tina's life, covering her parents' immigration story from Taiwan, her upbringing, and the background of her family. Tina shares insights about her family's moves from China to Vietnam to Taiwan and eventually to the U.S., and discusses how her parents' cultural backgrounds influenced their lives and hers. The episode also touches on Tina's childhood, her experiences in school, navigating cultural differences, and her relationship with her parents. The conversation sets the stage for the second half of the interview, which will focus on Tina's intercultural marriage and raising her three multicultural children.



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Transcript created automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Introduction to Cultureful Podcast

[00:00:00] 

Jess: You're listening to Cultureful. I'm your host, Jess Lin. This month, I'm sharing a special bonus episode to celebrate Lunar New Year. 

Meet Tina: A Taiwanese Chinese American Story

Jess: I had a great conversation with Tina, a 37 year old Taiwanese Chinese American tech project manager from Fremont, California in the Bay Area. This is the first half of our chat.

Where Tina talks about her parents, her family's immigration story from Taiwan, her upbringing, and how she met her husband, who is Russian Ukrainian American. The second half will drop next week. , where we dive into her intercultural marriage and raising their three multicultural children. Hope you enjoy, and Happy Lunar New Year!

Hey Tina! It's good to see you! Good to see you too, Jess! Yeah, welcome to the podcast! How are you doing? 

Tina: I'm doing well, I'm really excited! [00:01:00] 

Jess: Are you joining from your house in Redwood City in California? 

Tina: Yes, I am. 

Jess: And I think Ren is finally asleep, baby Ren. 

Tina: Yes, my seven month old is finally sleeping. 

Jess: Thanks for making the time.

I'm looking forward to hearing more about your background and learning about your family's immigration story, your upbringing, and how you and your husband met. And I'm especially personally interested in how you and your husband navigate intercultural aspects of your relationship because Me and my husband, we're also in an intercultural relationship and we hope to have kids.

So you have three kids and I'm very excited to hear about how you guys navigate all that stuff. And I really appreciate you making the time because I know it's a lot of things you're juggling right now. I am 

Tina: very excited to be invited to your podcast. It's my first time being on a podcast, so I'm excited to tell my story and to chat with you.

Jess: Yeah, I'm excited about story time. [00:02:00] Let's get started. 

Family Immigration Journey

Jess: Tell me about your family's background, about each side of your family. Where did they come from and their heritage? 

Tina: So I'll start on my dad's side. My dad is the seventh out of ten kids on my, on his side and my grandmother and my grandfather had an arranged marriage when she was 18 and they were in China and as the Communists Took over they went south to Vietnam.

And so my dad was born in China, but actually grew up in Vietnam so he's number seven out of ten and When he went to Taiwan, that's where he met my mom and they met through work My mom is Taiwanese and has been there since before the first president of Taiwan was there She grew up in a small village and she is the eldest out of five That's where they met and that's where we [00:03:00] were born.

I'm one of three kids and We were all born in Taiwan, but we all grew up in the United States 

Jess: So your dad grew up in Vietnam and somehow he ended up in Taiwan and met your mom. How did that happen? 

Tina: So eldest uncle was the first one to leave Vietnam and they went to Taiwan and bought my grandma and grandfather over and they lived there for about 10 years before they decided to move to the U.

S. So they moved around a lot. 

Jess: How old was your dad when he got to Taiwan and how did he meet your mom? 

Tina: I'm not sure how old my dad was when he moved to Taiwan, but when he, he was a businessman, he found a job at a company that both my parents worked at and they met through work. My dad is [00:04:00] nine years older than my mom, so he had more life experience, um, when he met her.

Jess: So what, what all was happening in the family circumstances that led up to that decision to immigrate to the U. S.? 

Tina: That's a really great question. I think my mom learned some English in school, um, And she had been working in Taiwan and my dad's family, he has a lot of siblings. Um, they decided to move to the U S I think because they believe that they would have a better life there and they.

Started moving my grandparents over and my dad's like, I want to be close to my family. Let's move to the U. S. And at first my mom was resistant. She's like, no, why don't you go there first? And then I'll come with the kids later. And my dad was like, no, uh, a man and [00:05:00] wife should be together with their family.

I really need you to come with me. And so my mom gave up all of her friends and family in Taiwan in order to move to the U. S. That's what. My dad and his family. I think she, when she met my dad, she thought that he was a very capable man and could support the family and knew a lot about the world. And so she's like, okay, I will follow this man to a new country where I don't speak the language and.

Start a new life. 

Settling in the U.S.

Jess: Where did you, you all settle in and how was that? Like, what, what did your parents end up doing? 

Tina: When we first moved here, we lived in my uncle's house with my grandparents for a short period of time. I think for about a year. And then my dad started looking for houses. They had a house in Taiwan that they sold.

So they had money that they could use to buy a house. And my dad looked for [00:06:00] Houses all around the bay and they settled on a house in Fremont, mainly because it was near three schools and that all of us kids could walk to our schools. There was an elementary school, two houses away. We were the second house from our elementary school.

And then my middle school was about a seven minute walk and my high school was across. It's two big blocks. So it was all very close. And so they decided to buy the house in Fremont. And then my dad ended up starting to work at a video, what do you call it? Yeah. Video rental store where they rented movies.

And that's where he started 

Jess: VHS is at a time where At a time where VHS is still existed. I can't remember. I remember like walking into those video stores, um, with my dad. It was like a Saturday, like if we were lucky, like a Saturday night thing. And has like a particular smell that's like kind of like a [00:07:00] bookstore, but kind of not.

Tina: Yeah, I think a lot of listeners may not even know what a VHS store is nowadays. 

Jess: Right? Yeah, we're old enough to know. And what about your mom? 

Tina: Since moving to the U. S., my mom was a full time housewife and caretaker for three kids. And we started going to school, and every summer we would go back to Taiwan.

We went very often when we were younger. 

Jess: So your mom has been in the U. S. for over about 30 years now, like 30, 35 years. And has she been able to find some of her people that she clicks with? And like, has she been able to find some community here? 

Tina: Yeah, I think when we started going to school, when we started, when I started kindergarten, I think she met her best friend, [00:08:00] uh, who also has three kids.

It's the same age as my sister, me, and my brother. Like they had three, and then we had three, and they were all the same age. Perfect 

Jess: match? 

Tina: Yeah. No way. Okay. Uh huh. Yeah. My, and she lives not too far away. She lives really close to my high school. So two blocks and then one big street and then like over.

Just a little bit. So that's her best friend that is much more social than my mom is. And we'll invite her out to go have dim sum, to go shopping together with her. Like that's her best friend. And she also had a couple of classmates from Taiwan that moved to the US and we saw them every now and then, but not very consistently.

But this best friend, same schools, same middle school, same high school. Wow. So we all. Uh, got to know each other pretty well. [00:09:00] 

Jess: That sounds like a jackpot for your mom to find someone with like, the proximity plus the matching ages, like, I feel like that, yeah. And is this friend also Taiwanese? 

Tina: My mom's best friend is Toisan and they, she also spoke a different language, but she spoke to my mom in Mandarin. 

Jess: Side note, Toisan or Tuishan refers to the people from the Taishan region of Guangdong province in China. Many early Chinese immigrants to North America were Tuishanese, and the Tuishanese dialect was the predominant form of Cantonese spoken in San Francisco's Chinatown. 

Navigating Cultural Differences

Jess: I'm fascinated by how your parents are also in I don't know if they consider themselves in an intercultural relationship because your dad grew up in Vietnam, even though he, his heritage is Chinese.

So did they ever have, the two of them, did they ever have like [00:10:00] intercultural things come up in their relationship that, you know, maybe his like Vietnamese influences the way he grew up were different from, you know, some of the Chinese and Taiwanese stuff that she grew up with. 

Tina: I think there is definitely some of that, especially when it comes to food.

My mom learned a lot from my dad's mom how to cook in Cantonese style. And so their meats were sweet and salty. And when my grandparents Would come visit, my grandmother would say, why is your meat sweet? Like, how come this tastes so, so different? And Uhhuh, my dad when he married, my mom said, oh, your mom didn't know how to cook when I met her.

But it's just she does know how to cook just a more Taiwanese style. And so he didn't appreciate her cuisine as much when they first were married, and they definitely affected each other for the better. And my dad never. grew up eating fruit [00:11:00] and my mom always had fruit after meals and vegetables. My mom would always cook a lot of vegetables and she's like, when I met your dad, he just loved to eat meat.

But now he knows how to eat vegetables and fruit. 

Jess: So it sounds like your dad's household, when he was growing up, it was Cantonese culturally mostly, or was there, how much Vietnamese influence would you say he grew up with? 

Tina: My dad is a polyglot, so at home they would speak Cantonese with my grandmother and grandfather, but amongst the children they all spoke Vietnamese to each other, as like a language that my grandparents didn't quite understand.

And then, of course, they also knew Mandarin, because that's the national language, and my dad also knew some Hakka. Because my mom's side is also Hakka. Kujia. 

Jess: Side note, Hakka is a subgroup of the Han Chinese, with a distinct [00:12:00] culture, language, and history. 

Tina: We 

are Hakka. 

Jess: He 

speaks so many different languages.

Tina: And 

English. 

Jess: And 

English. 

Tina: I 

remember a story that my dad told that when he was growing up, maybe when he was six or seven, his parents sent him to a relative's to raise him for a bit because I think he did something naughty. And so when he came back, he was very, uh, He followed the rules a lot more and was very sweet to everybody after that.

He 

learned his 

lesson? I don't know. 

Wow, that's one way to discipline a kid. That's kind of 

intense. They, they had ten kids, they, they could spare one or two. 

Jess: Right. And you're parents now, so, like, how, how many languages does your mom speak? 

Tina: My mom speaks, uh, she knows Hakka, she knows Taiwanese, she knows Mandarin, and now she can speak and understand Cantonese and English.[00:13:00] 

Jess: Wow. What do your parents speak with each other at home? 

Tina: Mandarin. So, growing up, I always spoke Mandarin. But whenever my dad speaks to family, it's all in Cantonese. And so, for my mom, that was also another barrier for her, that my dad's side of the family all spoke Cantonese. They understood Mandarin, like, most of My dad's siblings spoke Mandarin, but my grandmother and grandfather, they didn't really speak Mandarin.

And so the way that my mom learned to speak Cantonese was to watch. What do you call that in English? Soap 

Jess: operas. Cantonese soap 

Tina: operas. My mom would watch Cantonese soap operas and there would be subtitles in Mandarin and also in English I think at the bottom and so she learned how to speak Cantonese by watching dramas, soap operas.

Jess: And so eventually she can converse with her in laws in [00:14:00] Cantonese? Yes. Wow. Okay, that's impressive. 

Childhood and Education

Jess: Okay, so now you're in the U. S. um, with your parents and you're walking to school. Um, yeah, what was your childhood like? What was, you know, like school and friends, but also your home life? 

Tina: When I first started school my teachers wrote in their report card, I don't know if Tina understands English, I Think I My parents they thought a lot about where to put us into school and whether I don't I think there was an ESL program But it was at a school that was not directly across the street from us.

I think my sister Went to that other school when she first started because there was an ESL program, but my mom thought that was too much of a hassle. And they also considered a private school to send us to. And my dad thought that might be a good option for us. And she says, Hey, we have three kids. [00:15:00] If you do private school for one kid, you have to consider the other two as well.

So we just went to public school. And I think that there was. Some ignorance growing up of different cultures and there were kids that would make fun of me and say that you should go back to Chinatown and I would go back home and ask my mom, what does that mean? Going to Chinatown? I'm not from China.

I'm from Taiwan. What did that mean? So definitely, I think. Kids back then were not as aware or culturally sensitive to different cultures, and there were not a lot of Chinese kids at my school. I'd say there were some, but not a lot. Starting with kindergarten. I also was sent to Chinese school every weekend on Saturday.

So that was. It's three hours every day from kindergarten all the way to senior year of high school. 

Jess: Whoa. So you must be literate in Chinese, [00:16:00] too. 

Tina: No? Three hours of Chinese school from kindergarten to senior year of high school would probably be If it was an immersion specific, probably to like third or fourth grade, like level of Mandarin, because that's just not enough to learn everything, to learn all the characters, to be able to read the newspaper.

Even in high school, I was not able to read the newspaper. My parents, for the longest time, my siblings and I would always complain that we don't get to watch the Saturday morning cartoons, that we always have to spend Saturdays in school, where none of our friends had to go for an extra day of school.

But my mom had said, this is going to be a gift for you in the future, and she was right. I'm able to communicate to my relatives in Taiwan, and it's another language that we Can speak even though we speak at home. [00:17:00] It gave us a really good foundation, and I'm grateful that she made us stay in Chinese school for so long.

Jess: I can really relate to that because my mom enforced speaking Mandarin at home, and I was really resistant for a while. But it is one of the biggest gifts she's given us, um, just to, you know, help us be able to connect with relatives back in Taiwan. Do you have any favorite Chinese school memories?

Tina: Favorite Chinese school memories. 

Jess: Was any of it fun? 

Tina: I think what was great about Chinese school is that we made friendships outside of kids that went to our school. That there were people that we met. all over Fremont. And some people came from further away because there weren't Chinese schools in their cities.

Um, Fremont is a pretty large city. I think growing up it was 200, 000 people, but it was a pretty large [00:18:00] city and there were five different public high schools. And I got to meet kids from All different high schools. And I think the fun part was just getting to see people that you don't get to see all the time.

That every week you would get to see your friend that goes to a different school than you. 

Jess: I'm glad there was, like, a silver lining to every Saturday having to give up those cartoons because I remember those cartoons on Saturday morning. They were precious! So, yeah, like, you traded it for something really valuable.

Sounds like it wasn't a choice, but 

Tina: But my parents eventually were able to record some of the shows for us. They programmed their VCR to record one channel and we would be able to watch that after Chinese school. There were like, Looney Tunes, there were, I don't know. 

Jess: So besides getting all three of you into Chinese school, what do you think were your parents priorities in raising you guys?

Tina: Growing up in a [00:19:00] Taiwanese Chinese family, it's always education of that was the most important value that my parents had of you need to do well in school. You need, that sets your foundation for life. And so they really emphasized. Academics and schoolwork. And if we got B's, that was not good enough. If we, you needed to get A's in school and my mom would check our Chinese homework and all of the elementary school homework.

She would check to make sure that we got our answers. She would have my dad help us with the English parts, all because she truly believed that education was a path to success, which is what happened with her dad. My grandfather grew up in a poor village, but worked his way up. By through education and became a government employee and was able to succeed and buy houses for his children.

And that's the path that my mom saw this is very important. So she didn't make us [00:20:00] do chores in the house. She didn't make us. Do laundry or dishes or anything like that, but she always prioritized homework. When came home from school, she would make us a snack and we would have to do our homework. And if we finished our American school homework, we had to start working on our Chinese school homework.

We had to finish our Chinese school homework as well. 

Jess: Was there any time and space for play? Academics 

Tina: were definitely the priority, but for play. I don't have very many memories of us prioritizing play. My siblings and I would play at home, but there wasn't very much going to somewhere to go play, or going to an amusement park.

That was very rare. 

Jess: Or like going to a friend's house? Friends would come over? 

Tina: We, growing up, we played with our neighbors that were right directly next to us. They had kids that was my sister's age and my brother's [00:21:00] age. And so we would go to the neighbor's house sometimes to go play together. We did play with a neighbor, but for school friends, there were not very many.

Memories I have of going to a school friend's house to go play. 

Jess: What was the vibe like in your household growing up? 

Tina: The vibe was, do your homework. Don't fight with your siblings. Don't talk back to your parents. And be obedient. I think when you're raised in an Eastern culture, that's the expectation. Of you need to be an obedient child.

You need to do well in academics. I think that's the foundation for most. 

Jess: That's interesting. And I mean, that's part of why I'm doing this podcast, because I think there are some values frequently shared, like I'm sure your experiences are very relatable to a lot of our listeners. At the same time, though, there's also so much diversity in Asian [00:22:00] cultures and households, like in my Taiwanese American household.

The vibe was light with a lot of humor. Um, my dad is very playful and he's extremely into his dad jokes. And my parents were always telling me that they wanted me to follow my dreams, do what made me happy and to relax, have more fun and worry about grades less. And so that's part of why I created this podcast.

Um, I wanted a space for people like us who are racialized and stereotyped. To tell our own stories and experiences in our own words. And I think that it's important not to generalize about ethnic and racial groups, even the ones that we are a part of. It sounds like in your family, the vibe was, do your homework, be obedient.

Personal Reflections and Friendships

Jess: Um, so now on the individual level, um, the U level, um, can we get to [00:23:00] know what kid Tina was like? Like what was kid Tina's internal world like, like when you were in middle school, high school, like what were, where were you into? What did you find to be interesting? What did you do with your friends? 

Tina: I think there was a big change for me when I was in elementary school to middle school.

I was always a very quiet kid and tried to be obedient, but I was also a bit of a tomboy and I would climb couches and I would climb monkey bars and I was told that I was not lady like. But that's who I was. I was always very wanting to kick a ball around and 

Jess: Like be physical. 

Tina: Be a little bit more physical.

Um, but I was always on the quiet side and not sure of my place or who I was. And in middle school, I think that changed a lot. And I was able to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself as seriously. And that's where I [00:24:00] found my best friends that I still have today is when I met them when I was 11.

Um. 

Middle School Memories

Tina: We were in the honors academy. So, uh, that started in middle school for us and we all just really got along and we had the same classes and we were just silly and I felt like I could really be myself around these group of friends and what was, what were we into? We were into. Alternative rock. We were into writing.

I think we, my friends and I started writing a story together. Like one person would write a chapter and pass it to the next person. And we would write something. It was really fun to be Tina in middle school. 

High School Pressures

Tina: And then I think Tina in high school started. I was feeling the pressure of college is coming and I need to do well in my academics and I pushed myself harder than actually my parents had pushed me.

I took a bunch of AP classes. We had a zero [00:25:00] period and I took classes at zero period for two years. Push myself really to get into a good college so that I could have a good education. 

Jess: So zero period is like an additional class you can opt in to take. Is that what that is? 

Tina: Yes. I think the class started at six 30.

Jess: Wow. So you always were just like, okay, I want to take that extra class. Let me go at six 30. 

Tina: Let me see how many AP classes I can take at my school. I think I took all but two of them. I thought that was the way. For me to get into a good college is to take these hard classes. And then I also learned you need extracurriculars.

So I think my junior year of high school, I was an officer of like three or four clubs and it, and I, you also needed to volunteer. So I was also volunteering and. It was a lot, but I found that through these clubs and activities and volunteering that I could actually [00:26:00] get a little more freedom of getting away from schoolwork of, Mom, I need to do this for college.

So I need to go volunteer at the library, Mom, I need to go be an officer and go to these volunteer events where I could have more freedom to go play. And I, yeah, it was very restrictive in my family where. My friends would invite me out to go watch movies or go hang out or go get a boba. And my mom oftentimes would say, no, you can't go.

You have to do your homework. And even if I finished my homework, my mom would say, no, it's getting dark. You can't go. So it was really hard for me. 

Jess: There would always be a reason to say no to a play event. And it sounds like. So you like had internalized by that point, like the discipline for the studying and all that stuff.

Does that resonate? 

Tina: I think when I got to high school, I, I wanted to get into a good [00:27:00] college. And I think if I didn't get into a good college, I would break my parents hearts because they've worked so hard for us. To make sure that we have a good education, that if I didn't get into a good college, I think I would break my mom's heart.

Aww. 

Jess: So it was like this pressure you were giving yourself because of what you thought they would think and feel. 

Tina: Yeah. When you live with your parents and they emphasize education, that's like the goal. You get into a good college, that's the goal. 

Jess: Yeah, wow. That sounds like a lot of pressure that you were giving yourself.

It was not easy. Did high school Tina hang out with the same friends you had in middle school? Yes. And so were they all giving themselves, like, that kind of pressure too? Were they all, were they still doing some of the things that, you know, that kind of like lit them up just because they were fun? 

Tina: Yeah, I think the friends that I grew up with, they were different levels of pressure that we put on [00:28:00] ourselves.

Some pressure was a little less. There were some kids that had more fun. There were definitely more kids that had more fun than I did. Um, but they understood that it wasn't my choice, that oftentimes they would try to invite me out, and I would not be allowed to. 

Jess: Okay, this question that I am just realizing that I wouldn't usually think to ask, because I wouldn't usually think to do this myself, but yeah, I think that like probably a lot of listeners are like wanting to know.

Did you ever sneak out?

Did it ever cross your mind? 

Tina: There was definitely times that I wish that I were not Asian. There were definitely times I wish that I were in a different family because of how strict my parents were. But if I had snuck out, the Asian parents, they [00:29:00] lay on the guilt very thick, very early of. Dishonor and shame and all these things and so I don't think I've ever snuck out or did something Naughty like that.

I think there was in high school. There's a senior ditch day that There was and we knew that most people would ditch but there were still a few of us that were still on campus and yes Uh, but I think because everyone knew it was a ditch day, someone drove us to get takeout somewhere and then we came back.

That was the extent of my rebelliousness. 

Jess: That was the most rebellious thing you did in high school? 

Tina: Yeah. 

Jess: Get into someone's car to go 

Tina: get takeout and just get back to school. 

Jess: I can relate to that. I like every time people are like, Oh, what's like the worst thing you've ever done? And then my stories are like, I just.

I'm not a rule breaker, and I just don't have [00:30:00] great stories of breaking rules and doing something really exciting or whatever, it's just like, mmm, ehh, it makes me too nervous.

Let's take a short break.

 

College Challenges

Jess: Okay, so, fast forward to adulthood. What did you end up studying in school? And what, yeah, what do you end up doing for work after school 

Tina: in school? I studied physiological sciences. So that's how the human body works. Most of my classmates that were in my major went pre med or pre nursing or physician assistant route and for me school was really hard when I got to [00:31:00] college my first year when I took My first test, I thought I was going to fail out of college.

I like called my sister crying and I said, I got like a 60 percent on a test. I've never scored so low. in school ever. And it turns out that they grade on a curve. And so that was like a B plus. That was shocking for me. I'm like, why do they do this? Why do they make it so hard? And my sister's like, those are weeder classes.

They weed out people who are not resilient. And I think that stuck with me because I am like, you are not going to defeat me. Even though this is hard, I am going to continue doing this. There were a lot of classmates and friends I had that started in my major that changed majors because it was really hard.

And I did not do fantastic in my major because it was really hard, but I was persistent because I did not want to give up. Um, [00:32:00] just because something was hard, I did not want to stop doing it. Because I really enjoyed the curriculum. I really loved learning how the human body works. And I think my parents biggest hope and wish was that one of their kids would become a doctor.

But going to school and studying what I did, I knew I would not be a good doctor if my academics were not where they needed to be to get into med school. 

Early Career Journey

Tina: And I, I worked in college and then there was an opportunity where one of my TAs, uh, had reached out to his students of, Hey, does anyone want an internship at the company that I work at?

It's an independent review organization. It's healthcare related. And so I raised my hand and was one of the students that became an intern there. And I stayed at that company for seven years, actually. So when I [00:33:00] graduated, they brought me on full time and I was helping one of the managers. Do payroll and accounting.

And when I was a 22 year old, they put me in charge of the company's finances. Why would they do that? But I ran payroll and I did accounts receivable accounts payable. I learned QuickBooks in two days and I stayed at that company and worked in all the different departments. So I was. When I first started, I was a sales intern helping the sales folks put together materials for their clients.

When I graduated, they made me the HR manager and then I was reviewing medical claims and worked my way up to the team lead of operations. We were healthcare tangent, where we were helping insurance companies review claims to see if they were medically necessary or not. And we had a group [00:34:00] of independent physicians that would look at the documentation and see whether or not something was indicated for a member.

Jess: I'm impressed by you staying there for seven years. I feel like for millennials, that is a very long attention span for your first company. I 

Tina: think because the 2008 recession happened during my time there, um, it was a really hard time to change industries. And this company gave me the opportunity to Wear different hats, work different roles in different departments.

So I helped with recruiting, I helped with compliance. I helped in the IT side of creating a new portal. I worked in management and was able to manage a team remotely for part of it as well. So I think it had a lot of opportunity. And during that time I was trying to explore whether or not I wanted to get an [00:35:00] advanced degree, whether or not I wanted to get a.

MBA, MPH, but looking at how much graduate school cost and not knowing where I wanted to be. That didn't make sense for me. I thought maybe I wanted to go the nursing route. I had taken some classes for nursing and I volunteered at a hospital and that told me I did not want to be a nurse. So I learned a lot about myself during that time and it gave me time and space to explore in L.

A. what I wanted to do and it didn't make sense for me at a certain point. I missed home and I missed my best friends that I had and so then I decided to move back home. 

Family Dynamics

Tina: My best friend came down and she helped me move out. I actually moved back in with my parents for a bit when I told them I wanted to come back to the Bay.

And when I came back, I started looking for work. And I also. Started looking for [00:36:00] housing. 

Jess: I 

Tina: laugh because there's this story about my dad that when I told them I was going to go to San Francisco and go have some interviews with potential roommates, my dad got really upset. He. Was probably the most upset that I've seen him in a very long time and he said if I knew that all of my children would leave me, I would not have had kids and I am going to sell this house in Fremont and move back to Taiwan and you cannot come visit me.

Jess: You cannot come visit me? Oh my gosh. 

Tina: So that's That was my dad's reaction to I am going to move out But I called my friends and I'm like, this is a crazy thing that my dad is saying How crazy is he and she translated for me? Oh, he missed you so much. He doesn't want you to leave. Yeah. Yeah. Why couldn't he [00:37:00] have said that?

Why is he like so explosive with the things that he's saying? And dramatic. And dramatic. Right? Yeah. So I took some time to calm down. And then I. I tried to put it into perspective that it's been seven years, more than seven years, since I lived at home with my parents and my dad had missed me so much that he really liked having me around.

And so, I Did not move out at that time. I stayed home so that I could spend more time with my family because you had 

Jess: mercy on his heart. 

Tina: So he really missed me. And so I wanted to give him more time to spend. 

Jess: Before you moved out. Did you and your dad get to spend quality time together and like, if you did, what did that look like?

Tina: So my dad is a [00:38:00] very reserved Asian man. Ask me how he shows love or affection. It's by washing my car, doing things with my car. That's like a very traditional Asian. Father role as Asian families don't really say, I love you, but this is, my dad just loved having me around when I went off to college or even when my sister went off to college, he doesn't really know how to connect with us kids, but he would always ask my mom, like, why don't you just call the kids?

And my mom's, I don't have anything to talk to them about. So just call them just so I can listen. And he wouldn't want to be the one calling or The one asking things, he just wants to be there to listen. And so I think just having my presence be around and like being able to say good morning to him or cooking a meal that was enough for my dad of just having me around and having that quality [00:39:00] time.

And I think living at home, I was able to have more chats with him to see how his day was, what he's thinking about. If my mom and him got into arguments. I, being the middle child and the mediator, would talk to both sides and get both sides of their stories and try to bridge that gap for them. So I think that is what he was missing.

My brother has lived at home since he graduated to college, and they have another son that lives with them. But something about a daughter coming home was like, I can't let that go. 

Jess: Well, he missed you, yeah. 

Tina: I also told them that I was going to start dating and that if that was okay with them, because that might be awkward for them.

And they said, yeah, begrudgingly. Then I'm like, I am in my twenties and I want to find a partner and I will need to date in order for that to happen. 

Jess: How was [00:40:00] that conversation? Like, 

Tina: I think my mom was like, I knew that kids. Would grow up and that they would leave and I'm fine with that. But your dad , it's harder for him.

And then I met someone and I also found a job in San Francisco and at that point I'm like, I'm going to move in with my boyfriend. . 

Jess: This is the question I was gonna ask you, nest like. So is this your husband and like, how did he come into the picture? Like give us, yeah, let's, let's shine some light on like how you met your life partner.

Finding Love

Tina: So when I was dating, I was on OkCupid and that is how I met my husband. There are parts on your dating profile that I. Did it resonate with and I repurposed them. They're like, Oh, what are your favorite books? And what's your favorite music? I'm like, I don't care if you like my music or my books, that's not interesting for me.

And so I repurposed those sections [00:41:00] into, these are the values I look for, uh, in people I surround myself with. And these next set of values are things that I look for in a partner and. My now husband was the only one to comment on my values and say that he resonated with them. And so I said, okay, let's meet up.

And we had our first date in Palo Alto. And I think the first days are always a little awkward because I think at that point I had been dating on and off for two, three years. And. I hate, I don't like first dates. I 

Jess: don't like I don't think anyone likes first dates. They're always awkward because it's a stranger.

Like you're hanging out with a stranger, you know? And you're trying to get to know them and you're trying to let them get to know you and you're both trying to see if you might like each other romantically. So, I think they're Of course, like, I think it'd be strange if people loved first dates. 

Tina: Yes, my husband, he liked first dates.

He's, oh, [00:42:00] it's so exciting meeting people. I'm like, I hate it. I'm burnt out by that. Like, I hated dating. I hated learning all these things about random people that I'll never meet again. What did you guys do for your first date? Uh, we went to a restaurant in Palo Alto, and I think our conversations were a little awkward as first dates are, but he was a little kooky.

After we had dinner, he asked me, Oh, do you want to go for a walk? I'm like, Oh, I think he likes me. Okay. But he had a

And on our walk, I felt like our conversations flowed a lot easier, and it was really nice. I was really enjoying myself, but noticed that he kept checking his phone. Little did I know he was actually checking the train schedule. For the listeners out there, at the time the train came. Once every hour so he was trying to make sure that he didn't miss it [00:43:00] when we got back to my car I gave him back his backpack from the trunk of my car and He said he had a nice time and wanted to see me again I told him that if you wanted to see me again, we should make plans I was very direct with him as I was done playing dating games We made plans to see each other the following week and the date ended a little bit abruptly as he ended up running to catch the train.

I guess he wanted to spend every last minute chatting with me. I like him enough where I want to see him again. What were the things that you already saw that you liked? I thought he was quirky. I do appreciate quirkiness. I like people who are a little bit different than others. I can't describe what it was about him.

But there was something that I'm like, I wanted to see him again. He's 

Jess: unique. 

Tina: Yes. With each subsequential date we had, I found that he was a very [00:44:00] open and honest person who could communicate his emotions and I could tell that he was a cut above the rest. Like I've dated a lot of people and so I know that.

There's a lot of people who don't match up with me, but he was a cut above the rest. He was far and above, beyond everyone else that I've dated before. In terms of values aligning with yours? In terms of everything, in terms of values, in terms of openness, in terms of how well we connected, all of those things, 

Jess: I knew 

Tina: that he was a keeper.

I knew very early on that he was a keeper. 

Jess: And what's his Heritage and cultural background. 

Tina: My husband is Russian Ukrainian, so he was born in Ukraine, but culturally Russian, and he came to the U. S. when he was six years old, I believe. 

Jess: And does he still have family and relatives there, in Ukraine, or in Russia?

Tina: Don't [00:45:00] think they have any close relatives that are still there. His family is a lot smaller than mine. He has a grandma, grandpa, aunt. Uncle and his parents, and that's the nuclear family, and he doesn't have more family, not very close. I think maybe very extended family in Ukraine. 

Jess: So his close family are here in the US.

Tina: Yes. 

Jess: With the ongoing war in Ukraine, and we're recording in early 2025 right now, I just wanted to say that, you know, of course, my heart goes out to everyone who's being affected. By the conflict. Yeah, so I just wanted to say that. 

Tina: Yeah. 

Jess: So what was your husband's upbringing like? 

Cultural Reflections

Tina: I think my husband's upbringing was very different than mine.

While I grew up in Taiwan and my family, they were able to buy a [00:46:00] house in Taipei and come to the U. S. I think my husband's experience was, growing up in Ukraine, there was not a lot, money wise, resources wise, that they grew up with much less. But in Russia, they would give their citizens It's a plot of land called a dacha, and that is a plot of land where they allow their citizens to grow food for themselves because they didn't have enough food for everyone.

And so he has very fond memories of during the summers they would go to the dacha where his grandfather built a house and they would grow their own food. They would grow raspberries, they would grow Potatoes and different foods so that they could support the family. And so when they moved here to the US, um, I think they just started off with less and needed to rely on others more.

So they had some family that was here and [00:47:00] someone, I think they were also part of a church and someone like donated a car to them. And they lived in an apartment, and I think my husband grew up with, with just less, but appreciated more. 

Conclusion and Next Episode Preview

Jess: Thanks so much for listening, and I hope you enjoyed this episode.

The second half of the conversation will drop next week. Follow and hit the bell button to be notified when the second part drops.

We get into how Tina navigates the intercultural aspects of her marriage, how she and her husband are raising their children, and how they celebrate Lunar New Year. If you like this podcast, follow and review to support and help us grow. Thank you to Tula Dance for the following kind review.

I really enjoyed the first episode with Segolene and learning more about her experience as a French American. I appreciate Jess's attitude of openness and curiosity. [00:48:00] We need more of that energy in the world, especially now. Thanks Tula Dance. These kinds of reviews make me feel very encouraged, so I really appreciate them.

Just a note, you can review the entire podcast on Apple Podcasts and on YouTube, you can also leave reviews in the comments of each episode. You can also reach out on Instagram at thecultureful. This episode was produced and edited by me, with advising and executive production support by Ruben Gnanaruban.

 I'm Jess Lin. See you next week.