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S1E8. Tina, Part 2: Taiwanese Chinese American- You water it and it grows

• Jess Lin • Season 1 • Episode 8

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In this episode of Cultureful, host Jess Lin continues her conversation with Tina, exploring her experience with intercultural marriage and raising multicultural children. Tina, a Taiwanese Chinese American woman, discusses the cultural differences between her upbringing and her Russian Ukrainian American husband's family. The episode covers how Tina navigated these differences, the challenges of blending their cultural backgrounds, and their parenting styles, which focus on positive discipline, financial literacy, and fostering a love of learning. Tina also shares insights into her family's daily routines, the influence of grandparents, and their efforts to maintain cultural heritage through language and traditions. The episode concludes with Tina's aspirations for urban homesteading and her hopes for creating a compassionate and empathetic world.

Thanks so much for listening! Follow, review, and share to help us grow. @thecultureful on Instagram

This transcript was created by AI and may contain errors.

Jess: [00:00:00] You're listening to Cultureful. I'm your host, Jess Lin. It's February, 2025. So happy Black History Month. I hope to release a special episode this month to commemorate it. Cultureful celebrates diversity and stands in solidarity with those impacted by anti diversity policies. This is part two of my conversation with Tina from January.

If you haven't heard part one yet, I recommend going back to listen to part one first. In the first half we covered her family's migration journey from China to Vietnam, Taiwan, and eventually the U S as well as her parents, cultural backgrounds, her childhood, and how she met her husband. In this episode, we'll dive into her [00:01:00] intercultural marriage and raising three multicultural children.

 Part one was released on Lunar New Year on January 29th. Since Lunar New Year is a festival that lasts 15 days and ends with the Lantern Festival on February 12th, I'm sharing part two now in celebration. Happy Lantern Festival! Back to you and your relationship. You're Taiwanese Chinese American. And your husband is Russian Ukrainian American, right?

Yes. So how has the intercultural aspect of your relationship come up for you two? 

Tina: When we first met and started getting to know each other more than just as love interests, we started pulling together family events where I would go to his family for different holidays. I could start getting a [00:02:00] sense that their culture is different than mine, that they are a much more direct kind of family, that they will say what's on their mind, they will say things very bluntly.

I had asked my husband before meeting his parents for the first time. This was when we were dating, of, Oh, I'm really worried, like, would they worry about what I wear, or how I come off, and He's like, Oh, let me call my mom. And I'm like, What? What are you doing? And he called his mom. And he was like, No, like, they're not going to care about like what you wear.

They just care about who you are and your character and how we treat each other. He is in a family where he can approach that with his family much more openly than I can. As we I've been together longer and through marriage I can see the benefits of having More [00:03:00] open communication. It's just very jarring for me 

Jess: because you you didn't grow 

Tina: up with that, right?

I not at all the directness and Bluntness is not something like we do that inside the family of like we talk to each other But when there's outsiders you have to put on Let's see, what, what is the Chinese saying that they have? And appearances, you have to keep up appearances and say face and things like that.

So they would be very cautious and careful about how they present to other people. But with Borthis family, it was just much more direct. And so when there were conflicts that came up in our relationship, when it came to my in laws, my husband said, just talk to them directly about it. I'm like, What?

That's so foreign to me. Can you, like, navigate this for me? Can you, like, talk to me? Go behind the 

Jess: scenes and deal with it so I don't, I don't [00:04:00] have to. I can pretend like I'm I don't know what's happening when I'm, you know, I can pretend like nothing happened when I'm interacting with them instead of have to like do it myself.

Tina: So some of these things I'm like, you know them better. You know how to navigate this. You know how to talk to them more. But he was very encouraging of me to be like. Be direct, talk to them. They will appreciate you more when you say your views. And for me, when I got married into this family, I didn't want to step on anyone's toes.

I didn't want to have any bad relationships. I wanted to just keep the peace. And so if there were things that we did not align with, I tried to go through my husband, but he's like, go to them directly, 

Jess: which is completely foreign. I don't want to be a conduit. Go directly. So, okay. So did, did 

Tina: you go directly?

I think it took me time to get there to be able to [00:05:00] understand where their viewpoints are coming from. When you marry someone, their family becomes your family. But you haven't gotten to know them yet. It makes sense that there will be bumps along the way as you're getting to know each other. One instance I recall when I was pregnant with my first child, my in laws had encouraged me to take time to stay at home with the baby.

In Russia, they get three years. to spend at home raising their children. 

Jess: In Russia, expectant mothers are entitled to 140 days of paid maternity leave, 70 days before and 70 days after childbirth, with 100 percent of their average earnings funded by social insurance. After that, parents can take up to three years of parental leave.

The first year and a half are partially paid, and the remaining year and a half are unpaid, , [00:06:00] but the parent retains job security. 

Tina: In the U. S., we don't support mothers in the same way. There's no federal paid leave, there's no subsidized child care, and there's no job security that supports that kind of leave. From their perspective, they didn't want a young baby to be in daycare and exposed to germs.

They believed that what was best for babies is to be with a mom, uh, for the first year. And I think that was Definitely a clash with my beliefs, but after thinking it through that, that makes sense that that was their perspective and what they wanted to encourage me to do. My decision to take time off and to be with Alden was, was not influenced mainly by my in laws and that conversation.

I think it was more so motivated [00:07:00] by The work that I was doing wasn't something that I wanted to return back to. I wanted to try to make a change. 

Jess: I see. With these cultural differences, do you know if your in laws ever had any qualms or concerns about your husband marrying someone from a different cultural background?

Tina: His parents, I don't think so. I don't think there was any qualms from his side of they weren't disappointed that I was not Russian. And then on my side, my parents, I think they've always wanted me to marry someone who was Asian, and my mom was okay that he was not ethnically Asian, but that made it harder.

My sister had married someone who was Vietnamese Chinese, and so that was close enough where I could see how much easier it was for them to connect because they had language that was common [00:08:00] that my dad could speak Vietnamese and my brother in law's mom was able to speak Cantonese with my mom and so I think there was some envy that I felt for my sister's marriage versus mine of English is neither one of their first languages.

In my marriage of, they speak Russian and my parents speak Mandarin. And so I think that language barrier and culture barrier was a little bit harder to bridge. And that was very disappointing for me. Of, I, I wanted to bring the families together more often. And then both sides felt a little bit stressed.

Like, oh, how should I behave? What presents do I bring? What is the tradition when you go to someone's house? What gifts do I bring? What they like and, but I think we've gotten into a better. Rhythm of things now that [00:09:00] we've been married for how many years now? We've been married for seven years now so now We are able to bring both sides of the family together at Events that do not require presence that I think Not as obligated to to get something that the other one may or may not like 

Jess: Okay, interesting that the present issue is It's kind of a, like a major piece of that thing that needs to be navigated.

And so then maybe just avoiding events with presents altogether, that just sounds really smart. 

Tina: That just reduces stress on both sides, so that just makes it easier. 

Jess: And everyone speaks English enough to, like, small talk? Yes, absolutely. 

Tina: My mom speaks English. Only when she is forced to. She can understand it, and she can say, she can speak in [00:10:00] English, but her default language is always Mandarin, even when it's My parents, they come over to visit us.

My mom will only speak in Mandarin, and I will do the translation into English, for the most part. 

Jess: Gotcha, gotcha. Let's dive a little bit more deeply into both of you now as parents, you and your husband. Yeah, what are your kids ages and names? 

Tina: I have three children. My eldest is Alden, who is six years old and in kindergarten.

My middle child is Viviana, who is three and a half and in preschool. And my youngest is Rund, who is seven months old and at home with me. 

Jess: Um, and he is currently napping, thankfully, for me. So When Alden was born or when Alden was coming, I imagine the transition from pre parenthood to your first kid as being like the biggest change.

I'm sure you like end up learning a lot about yourself, like your values and different perspectives on parenting. [00:11:00] Um, so when you had Alden, yeah, what was that like for you and your husband and what were your parenting styles? 

Tina: My husband and I, we were the first to have kids in our family and amongst our friends too.

We were the first to have kids in our friends and family group. And so it was a lot of learning on our own of what to do. When I became pregnant, I was a very anxious person. I wanted to do what was best for the baby. And so I threw all of my energy into reading books. I think I've read. I don't know, 15 books on parenting and half of them were about pregnancy and things that I should eat, things I should not eat.

I created a spreadsheet to project manage my pregnancy of what to expect at different milestones, like what I needed to do, what things I needed to prepare for, when I wanted to have the nursery done, when we needed to have all of our. [00:12:00] Things of we wanted to do cloth diapering and so when do we get all the clothes Ready and all of that.

I think becoming a mom Was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and the biggest change in identity At the same time that I had my first child. I decided that I wanted to Take a step back from work and spend time being a mom. And that was the first time in my adult career that I not worked. And so that was strongly tied to my identity of I am someone who works hard and ambitious.

And when I became a mom, I gave that up. And so that was very hard for me to rediscover myself of who I was outside of being a wife and outside of being a mother. 

Jess: And how long did you stay home for? 

Tina: So, [00:13:00] I, I stayed home with my son longer than I had expected because when I was interviewing and job searching, the pandemic happened, so.

Oh. Jan 2020, I was still having a couple of interviews, but by March everything, like I had final rounds and onsites and then that all dried up and things went crazy. And everyone stayed home. And so, uh, March 2020, daycares were closed as well. And so I decided, okay, I'm going to stop this job searching and interviewing and just spend time at home.

And that's when we decided to have a second child. 

Jess: Okay, so they kind of blended into each other at the time, the timeline. And what were your parenting styles? 

Tina: Our parenting style is very heavily influenced on the books that I've read about parenting. [00:14:00] Some of the books that I've read That we use in our parenting are The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and Good Inside by Dr.

Becky. We focus very much on positive parenting and positive discipline. I think Our style is much more child centric than what either my husband or I grew up with. Rather than punishing our children for their mistakes, we use it as a learning opportunity where we can coach them to do better. In addition, when we make mistakes as parents, we also apologize to our kids.

We make mistakes, too, and I think it's very powerful when we apologize to them. That wasn't something that I was used to when I was growing up. We also model the behavior that we want our kids to exhibit, and that's one of the most powerful ways that children [00:15:00] learn is through modeling. 

Jess: How is your husband's 

Tina: parenting style?

My husband didn't have, um, Much research when he says, I think we should do things this way. And I'm like, why? How do you think and these books say differently? Can you tell me more about your ideas? And so I think he Definitely as an only child my husband grew up very lonely and so I think he he always knew that he wanted to have more than one child and so I think the dad's Play this role very naturally because they can't breastfeed the child is that he was a playful one and the moms are the comfort and the ones to console The kid and then dads are the ones that play and do more physical things with the kids.

And so I think we both crafted together what we think our [00:16:00] parenting style should be and how we should raise our kids and what values we wanted. And I think in this age of technology, we really wanted to have our kids focus more on real life experiences. We limit screen time. We We take them out to parks, we take them out on hikes, we try to organize playdates for the kids so that they learn how to be social, especially coming out of a pandemic.

Uh, my oldest was not used to other kids, but I think he came out of it very well rounded since being in school. 

Jess: Okay, so it sounds like some of your values are hands on things, outdoor things, social things. Am I missing any of your other priorities when you're raising, thinking about raising your kids?

Tina: What I want for my kids is to have a love of learning, that if we see that they have interest in [00:17:00] something, that we double down on it and give them more of what they're into so that they cultivate this lifelong journey of learning and to better themselves. And then we also are teaching our kids the value of money.

Alden knows what taxes are because sometimes we tax the money that we give him. He's like, why are you taking a tax? It's something that just happens and you can't avoid it and the tax goes towards Something that will better our family. We He is a kid that Always ask questions and I always answer him to the best of my ability that's age appropriate for him.

I tell him that taxes pay for schools and highways and in our family if we take a tax when we give them money that will go to the rest of our family that maybe we can do something fun together. We can buy something Like a treat for our family. 

Jess: So what [00:18:00] is it that you're taxing? Is it an allowance or, like, how does he have money at six?

Tina: So right now, uh, he earns money by getting stars. And we give award stars inconsistently where if he shows kindness to a sister, if he is thoughtful, if he is working really hard in school, if he uses his manners. I think this comes from research that if you're inconsistent in giving a reward, that motivates that behavior more rather than a one to one.

Jess: Whoa, interesting. That makes sense because I think if you are always doing something because you think someone's watching and you want to get rewarded every single time, and eventually someone's not going to see it, you know, and so that's, that's fascinating that people have also Research that difference of consistency versus inconsistency, and I'm glad you shared that with me.

That's really fascinating. So that's how he earns 

Tina: [00:19:00] money, and previously, when we've had to learn about money and how to manage it for him, because for Lunar New Year, he gets red envelopes, and some family members are a little too generous, and he says that he has a lot of money, and he wants to blow it all.

We're like, no, you have to save at least half. Every money that you get, you have to save at least half in the bank. Wow. And we, uh, have opened a 529 account for him, but we also have a note that we write down how much money he has in the bank, and we will take money out of it if he is spending it on something larger.

And we're still working through how best for him to manage money, but we've known now that he cannot handle anything more than 5. If he has a 20 bill, it's too much. Power. He understands how much money costs and he's worked really hard in his math and so he can add and know what is a lot of [00:20:00] money and what's not.

And he'll ask us like, how much is this thing versus this? And how much does it cost to buy this toy or this candy? And if you save up, then you can buy an even bigger toy. So we're trying to teach our kids financial responsibility at an early age. 

Jess: I'm very impressed. I'll try to steal that at some point.

But I'm sure that takes a lot of work to manage the star system. Does it? 

Tina: Uh, the kids have two pieces of paper, one for each kid, and we just put stars on there when we think that they are contributing a lot to our family and we think that If they have 20 stars, if they've worked really hard, then that can get them 2 and a piece of candy.

Jess: I'm curious, like with this kind of approach, it seems like a lot of, I feel like a lot of my friends who are parents now are doing something with like stars and rewards and, and just. [00:21:00] Okay, I'm saying this because I have a hard time with like internal validation. I have a hard time validating myself.

Sometimes I realize I try too hard to get other people to validate me. And that's something that I'm actively working to rewire and to be able to provide myself with healthy validation. Um, is there a level of that that you're trying to teach him where he also can validate himself on top of the star system?

Tina: Absolutely. We always ask our kids, we try to teach empathy of when you do this, how do you feel when you shared this thing? How do you think it made your sister feel? Oh, somebody got hurt. How do you think they feel right now? Oh, sad. What do you think we can do to make them feel better? So we try to have them have an internal dialogue.

If they say, look at this amazing thing that I made, Rather than us validating and saying, Wow, really good job. I'm like, Oh, show me what you made. Tell me about it. Oh, you made this thing. [00:22:00] And rather than saying, Oh, that's great or that's wonderful. I ask them, How do you feel? Tell me like what you've made and tell me what excites you about it.

And so we're trying to foster that internal Dialogue that they'll have growing up of how do they give that to themselves 

Jess: all the new research and not only the new research but also parents updating with some of this new like kids psychology stuff like it's It's so powerful, hopefully they're going to grow up with different, like less of the issues we have.

I'm sure they're going to have their own issues, but hopefully like less of the stuff that we already know about, um, and that, you know, like it's common for our generations. How involved are both sets of grandparents in your kids upbringings? 

 

Tina: So, I think, yeah, my in laws have been very fantastic in seeing the kids. almost every weekend Weekend, they They either come to help the kids or we drop them off and they spend time with the older two kids while, uh, [00:23:00] Ren is at home with me. And my parents, uh, we don't see them as much as I would like. they have been very helpful, uh, with Ren this time around. They have been able to be there for me and they have been able to, , bring me a couple of meals and spend some time with the kids and we're working on, that a more regular 

occurrence. 

Jess: Nice, nice. Let's take a short break. 

What are your kids Cultural influences. What languages are they learning? What [00:24:00] holidays do you all celebrate? 

Tina: Yeah, my kids speak mainly English at home. I tried speaking Mandarin with Alden, but when he first started speaking it was in English and I was really excited and I didn't want to confuse him. So I spoke English with Viviana.

So when she was 7 months old, I had found a full time job and I, we didn't have any child care that was set up and so my mom was able to help with Viviana and I would drive across the bridge in the morning at like 6. 30 to my mom's house and she would help watch Viviana while I worked. And so, Viviana, her first hundred words were all in Mandarin, because my mom spoke Mandarin to her, and I got used to speaking to her in Mandarin, and so, her first words were all in Mandarin, until she started daycare, and when she started daycare, She picked up a lot more English [00:25:00] and didn't want to speak Mandarin anymore.

Jess: And so now you speak to her in English or you speak to her in Mandarin? 

Tina: I speak to her in English at home. Although Alden is now at a Mandarin immersion school. So he started in TK last year. And so he's been learning a lot more Mandarin. And my parents have been able to connect with him a lot more because of the language.

So they are actually very glad that Alden knows Mandarin and Viviana will learn soon. She's starting TK next year. What is TK? TK is Transitional Kindergarten. It is the year before you start kinder. But it's not preschool? It's not preschool. This is a California funded program where kids that are born after September and before June and they turn five that during the school year, [00:26:00] then they're eligible for TK.

Jess: Oh, wow. Okay. That's pretty 

Tina: awesome. So that's a free year of education, which is really nice. 

Jess: Yes. Yes. Awesome. Okay, 

Tina: you said, and then Ren. And then Ren, I've been trying to speak Mandarin to him at home, and I think my husband had tried with Alden to speak a little bit of Russian to the kids. And he maybe spoke it 20 percent of the time, like not much.

And so some of the, uh, things that we've picked up is some things we'll say just in Russian. Um, and even my husband picked up some Mandarin with me speaking to the kids. So when we asked them to wipe their hands. My husband will say that in Mandarin. Cha cha so. And like, that's something that we say only in Mandarin.

And when they put on their underwear and their pants, we say that only in Russian. [00:27:00] With Ren, I am trying to speak Mandarin to him more. I'm, I'm restarting this because we're going to Taiwan in November, and so I want our kids to be able to speak and understand Mandarin by the time we get there and see all the relatives.

Jess: Nice. So do your in laws speak to your kids in Russian? 

Tina: I asked them to speak to the kids in Russian, but I think because the kids didn't understand, they used more English. But, I did see them trying to speak to Ren more in Russian, which I'm like, yes, please do, he's a baby, he will absorb it all. 

Jess: So, okay, we're recording this, um, as Lunar New Year is coming up, um, and I'm curious, did you grow up celebrating Lunar New Year, and do you celebrate it now with your kids?

Tina: Yes, we, I grew up celebrating Lunar New Year. I grew up celebrating all of the traditional Chinese holidays, and we did that, [00:28:00] the larger family with, um, My dad's parents, uh, we would do all of the holidays together. But since my grandmother and grandfather have passed, I think we don't have these large family gatherings anymore.

But when I have my own family, we celebrate these holidays. And they're also celebrated at school. So the kids get pretty excited for it. I remember last year, I was Pregnant and celebrating Lunar New Year, I invited my parents, I invited my in laws, and then we also invited my husband's aunt and grandma, and then I invited one uncle and his family to come join us.

And so we had a hot pot to celebrate Lunar New Year and this year. My husband's family asked about it again, and I'm like, oh, 

Jess: it's a lot of work [00:29:00] to put on it, and we have If you have, if you're hosting, and you know, there's a seven month old, and yeah, that's a lot. How do you, when you host it, how do you do it?

Like, you have hot pot, do you have red envelopes? Like, walk me through. 

Tina: Yeah, you prepare red envelopes for all the kids. We had to teach my husband's side of the family what the traditions were that you give red envelopes to all the unmarried children. And my brother is still unmarried, so they were wondering, did they give him a red envelope?

How much do you give him for a red envelope? What did you say? I said it's optional because he is a grown adult and he's been working, but you don't need to. But if you would like to, you can. Um, and then you prepare a red envelope for your parents and elders. And so I prepared a red envelope for both sets of parents and also for, uh, my husband's grandmother.

who joined us, and then for [00:30:00] any cousins who are unmarried, and for my kids, and I gave more instructions on how much to give children. Children should not have large red envelopes at this young age. 

Jess: There's all these red envelopes flying around. Everyone's giving them to everyone else. And, and that's why, you know, your kids are getting like a bunch from a lot of different people.

And then, you know, like Alden's like, Oh my gosh, I have so much money, you know? 

Tina: And then I tell him this money is going into the bank and more than half of it is going to the bank. 

Jess: Is that your experience when you were a kid and got red envelopes? 

Tina: My parents said, you won't have this money if we didn't give money to other people.

And then all of it would go to the bank? Most of it would go to the bank, yes. I think we were allowed to keep maybe five or ten dollars and the rest of it would go into the bank. 

Jess: Nice, classic. Yeah, I feel like that's why I asked that too, because when you said that [00:31:00] you would tell Alden that, I'm just like, wow, that is classic to be like, oh.

Some or most of it is going to the bank or maybe all of it. 

Tina: We also taught Alden about interest and that if you put the money in the bank, it will grow. I think he forgot that conversation. My mother in law asked Alden, How does the money grow in the bank? And he's like, you water it and it grows.

But now I think we told them that there is interest that the Bank gives you money for keeping the money there and that's how it grows. But for a while he thought you, you have to water the, the money that you put into the 

Jess: bank 

Tina: and 

Jess: it will grow. Your kids are growing up multicultural, also like multiracial.

How do you think about them growing up with these identities? And like, their relationship to these identities. 

Tina: I think when we were having kids, this was something that I had thought about of. [00:32:00] I really want my children to know about their Chinese culture and heritage and be able to celebrate these holidays and to know where they come from and learn these stories.

And I have been trying to instill this into our kids of these are the holidays, this is why we celebrate them, this is the origin story, these are the traditions that we have, these are the foods that we eat. And I think for the Russian side, the way that we integrate some of that culture is we get books about folklore and the different stories that my husband grew up with, learning in Russian about Baba Yaga and the little nesting dolls and where that story came from.

We also celebrate some of the Russian holidays as well. And there is Russian New Year. Part of my husband's family is also Jewish. And so I think it's a little bit early for [00:33:00] us to expose them to that religion side, but we have. Try to expose them to these different holidays and different cultures and why we're celebrating.

I think they're still pretty young, and so they don't really understand all of it, but we do want to keep that tradition alive. 

Jess: Do your in laws, since they spend some time with them frequently on the weekends, did they take any of that on, like, explicitly? Or is it all kind of just like, well, they're just gonna, you know, do their thing and whatever organically happens, happens.

Tina: I'm not sure if it is a conscious effort that they're instilling into my kids, but I think through all the time that they spend there and the different things that they're teaching them, uh, It, they just get exposed naturally for holidays and birthday celebrations. My kids were [00:34:00] helping out my mother in law making food.

And so they learned how to knead the dough to make piroshkis. And I think that's really beautiful that the kids are able to learn these generational recipes. 

Jess: Yeah, it is really beautiful. And it's nice that they, you know, I think, wow, 30 minutes is so, so close by. I'm like, that's, that's amazing to be able to spend time, you know, with your grandparents, like on most weekends, like, yeah, uh, that sounds really nice.

Well, I know your, your dad's side, grandparents are close by. 

Tina: So growing up, we saw my, my dad's parents every weekend that, It was Saturday after Chinese school. We would go up to Oakland to see my grandmother and grandfather, and then the kids would be bored while the parents played mahjong. 

Jess: Speaking of routines, I want to ask about your routines with your family now.

What does a typical [00:35:00] weekday in your household look like, and a typical weekend day? Chaos. Uh, 

Tina: a typical, uh, weekday. Weekday, what does that look like? This is 

Jess: where, like, you're extreme. Let's see how relatable this will be. I feel like this will be so extremely relatable to everyone with kids. Just like, what do you say, chaos?

Tina: It's always chaos. On a weekday, our kids typically are up by 7 a. m. We start the day by asking the kids what they would like for breakfast, and it's usually either oatmeal, cereal, Eggs or yogurt. And I think starting the day with giving them some agency of choice helps set them up for a day where they feel like they have agency and power.

And then we have to get them ready and out to school by 7. 50. I think then we [00:36:00] always They know their routine. They need to get on their socks. They need to get on their shoes. They need to get on their jackets. Alden has to make sure he has his backpack. And then we go drop the kids off at school. And then I come back and put the baby down for his nap.

And then I job search. When he's up, I try to spend time with him to make sure that he gets what he needs. At seven months, he's very aware of the world and it has a lot of. new things that he's discovering. He's moving, he's crawling, he's interested in everything and getting into everything. And then he'll go down for a second nap, and I will go back to searching for a job.

And then when he wakes up during his second awake window, then I have to start thinking about prepping dinner and what to cook for the kids and what things I need to get. I can walk over to the grocery store, pick up a couple of [00:37:00] things. I forgot that during the day I also do laundry and get that started.

During times where he's napping, I try to take time for myself or I work. And when he is awake, I try to fold laundry. I try to put the dishes away from the dishwasher. And then when I'm prepping dinner and getting that ready by 5 o'clock is when we go pick up the kids from school and get them back, get them fed.

And it's always a battle of please keep sitting while you're eating dinner. Please don't get down. Please ask to be excused when you get down. Are you sure you're done with dinner? You didn't eat enough. What about these green things that you're not eating? Oh no. Make sure that you eat your vegetables.

Then we'll spend a little time, if they have eaten a good dinner, we'll spend some time either reading to them or playing with them. And then the kids will start their bedtime routine where they brush their teeth, they [00:38:00] wash their face, they'll go potty, um, they'll floss, and then 

Jess: Viviana can do all that stuff by herself.

Yes, wow 

Tina: Yeah, so that's the bedtime routine and then once they're all done with that We usually give them five minutes of video to watch Alden is older and it has more responsibilities in the house. So he gets ten minutes of screen time and he can choose to watch something like Bluey or Pokemon, or whatever he wants, or he can use that time to, uh, play a couple of games on his iPad, and Then we read to the kids, and then we, we talk them in, we say it's bedtime, please don't come out until your hatch turns green.

Sometimes they'll come out and say, I can't sleep, or I had a bad dream, or mommy I need to potty. I'm like, you can do all these things by yourself. You don't need to come to me. What's a 

Jess: hatch? Your 

Tina: hatch turns 

Jess: green? [00:39:00] 

Tina: Oh, a hatch is a nightlight that has different colors that you can set, so you can program it from night time to have a certain color, and when it's time to wake up or time to, for them to leave their room, it changes to a different color, so.

Jess: Oh wow, so you can communicate time with them, even though they don't read time. 

Tina: Yes, that's a visual indicator of now is an okay time to get out of bed. And the way we motivate them is, if you stay in your room until the hatch turns green, then you get one piece of candy in the morning. Candy bribe, classic.

So that is a weekday for us. And then a weekend day, we definitely take things slower. We may turn off the hatch so that the kids just get enough rest for their body to wake up. Um, we'll have a slower morning where we don't have to rush as much to get out the door so we can do some bigger things like pancakes and waffles on the [00:40:00] weekends.

If we need more groceries, we'll take the kids to the farmer's market. Maybe we'll have a play date that day, or we'll just have a relaxing day at home where we could bake, we can cook together, we play with our kids, we take them to the park, we have them ride a bike or a scooter around the neighborhood.

And we just, I appreciate those days where it's It's more relaxed, but if the kids start bickering and fighting with each other, then we need to get out of the house because when they're inside, they tend to get on each other's nerves a lot more. Versus, uh, if we take them outside, they are more calm and they play a lot better outside.

We also let them watch a movie from time to time. So if they get a DVD from the library or if there's something that they want to watch, then on the weekend is when we let them watch a movie. 

Jess: Yeah, it sounds like weekends are a lot chiller and weekdays, they sound busy, which is [00:41:00] why I'm so grateful that you made time.

To hang out for this interview. Now we're heading into the homestretch and we'll do a couple of time capsule questions next. The first one is, let's say your kids listen to this in 25 years. What do you want to say to them? I 

Tina: think I want to tell them that we love them for who they are. We hope that they feel loved.

We hope that they felt seen and valued and that we gave them a great childhood. We're doing the best we can. I hope they learn to appreciate the efforts that me and my husband have put into, into raising them and crafting them into good human beings. 

Jess: Yeah, it sounds like Y'all are being extremely intentional, which I'm impressed by.

We try our best. The second time [00:42:00] capsule question is a popcorn y question. In a few words, what are some things that in January 2025, what is each kid into right now? Like snapshots. Alden's into 

Tina: Pokemon. Very easy. Okay. He likes all things Pokemon. He likes watching the Pokemon cartoons. He's into trading Pokemon cards with his friends.

Viviana loves Frozen. Above everything else. She loves watching Frozen. She loves, uh, singing Frozen songs. Uh, she likes Frozen 1 and 2. Uh, she has an Elsa and Anna doll that she loves to play with. And Ren is into food. He's very much into food. He's a very good eater and he will eat anything you put in front of him.

Already at 

Jess: seven months? 

Tina: Yeah, uh, he started eating solids at five months, but he's one of the [00:43:00] best eaters. Like, sometimes he can eat more than my big kids can. 

Jess: Oh yeah, there's gonna be a lot of envious Listeners who have kids who are like, what, it's so hard to get my kids to eat this or that. But cool.

Rends into food. 

Tina: You expose them early and often to various foods, then that will just be normal to them. 

Jess: Wrapping up now with the two final questions. The first one is my usual wrap up, plug time. Is there anything you want to share with the listener in terms of personal projects? 

Tina: Yeah, one of my hobbies is gardening and I aspire to homestead and to grow our own food.

So, uh, we currently have seven chickens in our backyard. We have six garden beds and we love showing our kids where food comes from and growing our own produce. So that we don't have to spend as much time and money to [00:44:00] go to go get our groceries. Um, and it's fresh and nutritious and it's in our backyard.

So I really appreciate the ecosystem that we have where the garden feeds the chickens and the chickens manure feeds the garden. That's. Something that I'm working on is urban homesteading. 

Jess: Very cool. I mean, I think that's so great for kids to see the whole food system in micro scale. Just to see how one thing connects to another thing, feeds into another thing.

You were saying that your husband has all these fond memories of farming growing up. Is he really into the urban homesteading that you're working on, and how involved is he? 

Tina: Yeah, he likes to set things up. He likes to dig the holes. He likes to set up the garden beds. He's recently gotten more into the gardening part of taking care of plants and weeding and I got that mostly from my mom.

Like even [00:45:00] though my mom moved to the US and didn't work, she Put in a lot of energy into her backyard of growing food and flowers. And so I think growing up around my mom and seeing her do that, that's something that I wanted to do for myself. That's why I grow a lot of our own produce in our backyard.

I want to inspire others to grow their own food in their backyard. I love sharing the produce that we grow. I want to inspire more people to grow, uh, more food for food security. And also just it's fun. It's fun to learn how to grow your own food. It's fun to. Show people and kids where food comes from and it's fresh and it's tasty and there's a lot less waste when it comes to growing in your own backyard.

You don't use as much plastic, they're not coming from really far away places. Like it's just better [00:46:00] for everything, better for the environment, better for your belly, better for your mental health and all around and mental health as well of gardening is really good for that as well. 

Jess: Thanks for sharing that.

That is a great plug. My husband, when he listens to this, um, he's gonna be like, well, he, we're renters right now and he actually wanted to start a garden bed here and I a little bit pumped the brakes because we have a lot going on right now but we definitely also at some point Aspire to have a home garden.

Aspire to have some chickens. So I will be picking your brain about this at some point later on. Yeah, so that's, that's really, really cool. And the final question, which is something I'm testing out, you're actually the first one I'm trying this on. What is a saying, idiom, or piece of advice you grew up with that you want to share?

Tina: I think the piece of advice I would like to share that has come around is [00:47:00] a bit twofold. One is treat others how you want to be treated and assuming positive intent. If people can be more compassionate to themselves and to others, I think it would make for a better, it would make for a better world of where people are kind to each other and empathetic and compassionate rather than reacting with defensiveness or otherness.

That if we can just see each other's perspective. That will help us connect more as human beings and people and friends and strangers. I agree. I agree. Definitely. It's not one that came in from my family, but it's something that I've taken to heart that I think creates a better world if we are more compassionate and treat people the way that we want to be treated.

Jess: Thanks, Tina. Now you've been on a podcast. 

Tina: Yeah, and it was very interesting, and it was about me. [00:48:00] 

Jess: Thank you for listening and I hope you enjoyed this episode. More episodes are dropping soon. Follow and hit the bell button to be notified when new episodes are published. If you like this podcast, follow and review to support and help us grow.

Thank you to ShiangkuLin6029 who reviewed the Angie episode with these words. It was fascinating and she is an impressive young lady. So open minded and methodical. Shared with a bunch of my friends. Her story is very inspiring. Thanks ShiangkuLin6029 for the review and sharing with your friends. It really does help.

Just a note. You can review the entire podcast on Apple Podcasts, and on YouTube, you can also leave reviews in the comments of each episode. You can also reach out on Instagram at TheCultureful. [00:49:00] This episode was produced and edited by me, with advising and executive production support by Ruben Gnanaruban.

I'm Jess Lin. See you soon.