2 Partners, 1 Family Gathering: Polyamory & Respect – Michelle (Pt 2)

How do you bring your whole self to a family function? In the second half of our conversation, Michelle reveals the radical honesty required to integrate her polyamorous and queer reality with her Colombian family roots. From navigating family gatherings with two partners to a tough conversation with her aunt, Michelle shares the pillars of integrity and respect that guide her life.

While many choose the path of least resistance, Michelle’s story is a masterclass in bridging cultural and generational gaps without shying away from her true self.

In this episode, we explore:

• Radical Honesty: The courage to be seen by family members who may not fully understand your romantic life.
• The "Tia" Lesson: How Michelle navigated a family gathering with two partners and maintained deep family bonds.
• Pillars of Integrity: Why respect for oneself and one's partners is the foundation of healthy polyamory.

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Watch on YouTube

See the video version of this episode (Live at 9pm EST on 4/28/26): 

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Connect with Michelle

Follow her journey on Instagram: @pebblespins

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Episode Credits

• Founding Supporter Shout-outs: Special thanks this week to Groverel and Amy
• Host, Producer, & Sound Design: Jess Lin
• Advising & Production Support: Ruben Gnanaruban

Transcript

Michelle: 0:00

I sat down with my aunt and talked to her about it. I said, yes, I have, you know, I have two partners and they're really wonderful. I was like, tia, but like, thank you so much for like understanding and respecting, you know, you are very nice and kind to the both of them. And she said, no, no, no, no, no. I do not understand it, but I respect it and I respect you and I love you, and I want you in my life. So that's it. You know? And I said, Tia, let's not sugarcoat things here. There's been lovers in and out everywhere, just know that I'm deciding to be honest about it and not go behind a partner's back.

Jess: 0:43

You are listening to Cultureful where strangers become neighbors. I'm your host, Jess Lin today's episode is the second half of my conversation with Michelle. In part one, we explored her Latina identity, her tele novella, first Love, her pivotal first queer love. In part two, we lean into the radical honesty of her current life, how she integrates her queer and polyamorous reality with her family roots. she lives by pillars of respect and integrity. I'm struck by her courage and skill, choosing to have the hardest conversations to bridge cultural and generational gaps. while many of us choose the path of least resistance. It's remarkable that she doesn't shy away from showing her family, her true self. As always, you can watch the full video version on YouTube. Here is part two of my conversation with Michelle. Welcome back from the break.

Michelle: 1:47

Yay. We're back.

Jess: 1:49

before the break we had talked about your first love. We had talked about your. Really big formative, first queer relationship. and I wanna pick up with family. And, you had said one of the, the main relationships we talked about in the first part before the break was, with a trans man who at the time was pre-transition.

Michelle: 2:14

Mm-hmm.

Jess: 2:15

so you were presenting as a lesbian couple and you introduced them to your family. And we talked about that briefly. and you mentioned that your mother, was like, don't bring anyone that's not a man. To come visit. but at the same time, you mentioned it was really interesting you mentioned that like she's really, your mom's really fast to like pick up people's pronouns when she's with her students and all this stuff. So, tell me more about your mom's, reaction and response to your being queer and.

Michelle: 2:50

Yeah. So I think we teach people how to treat us, and that includes our parents and that includes our family. I think that in Latino culture, we're very much taught to put our head down to our parents and to not have boundaries. because most of our culture, if not all, is Catholic. And in Catholicism, you honor your mother and your father over everything.

Jess: 3:16

And, and, 'cause I'm not Catholic, right?

Michelle: 3:18

Yeah.

Jess: 3:19

what are the expectations for how to honor your parents

Michelle: 3:24

Oh, uh. Being straight and monogamous and,

Jess: 3:29

that honors

Michelle: 3:30

married. Yes. Getting, getting married, getting, you know, having kids going off and having a great career, taking care of them financially, um, whatever they want. You know, give it to them. If they ask for something, give it to them. because, you know, the, the narrative is they sacrificed everything for you, which they did, you know, to be fair. But, you know, and you have to repay them. and honestly, a lot of people, a lot of that mentality is, is there, like in Latino culture, it's just like find kids parenting their parents. You find kids taking care of everything for their parents. I think it's because there's kind of like that transactional mindset when it comes to kids. Like, oh, I, I did everything so that you could be here. You have to take care of me. so when those kinds of things started to arise, right? Like, oh, don't bring women here, send us money monthly, all that stuff. I was very defiant with my parents and I said, Nope, I have to pay for my own school. I'm out here surviving by myself. I can't honor that request of, doing everything and, really bending over backwards for whatever you guys want now that I live in the United States. and then on top of that, when I came out as queer, my mom is like, okay, uh, just don't bring anybody If they're a woman. And I said, oh, it's okay. I don't have to come and visit you. You know, like, yes, I love my family. I, I even mentioned I have the best families in the world. Like I really, really do. But if there is no respect there, nobody is guaranteed a position in my life. And that, mindset is a very Americanized mindset, right? That came here, in, in the United States. So for them it was very much an adjustment, right? It was very much like, whoa, what I mean? And, and when I came out as poly to my family and, and brought two partners to the family function, that for them was like, whoa, okay, can we talk about this first? Like, um, With my parents, I always drew the boundaries of, look, I want you in my life. and I love you, and you guys are like literally the best parents in the world, but you know, you don't have to be in my life if you're going to be disrespectful and not, honor the people that I love.

Jess: 6:03

Wow. I'm just like, okay.'cause we started this question with like, you know, what does it mean to honor your parents? And like. I kind of just have this like internal gasp as you're explaining the expectation, because it, I, I really, really, really expected, you're gonna say like a whole bunch of things that like directly relate or impact them. Like, you know, maybe sending money, maybe like, you know, taking care of them when they're old or like certain things like that. But then as you were talking, it was like, it was like everything in life. It was like, who you marry, who you're with, how you behave. Like, oh my gosh, that's a lot. You know? That's a lot.

Michelle: 6:43

yeah. It is a lot. And it's, and it's very traditional And you know what? It's, it's the script that they were handed. You know, my parents, you know, it, it's the script that they were handed. Like, you know, it's,

Jess: 6:55

That's how they honored their parents

Michelle: 6:58

correct. Right. You honor your parents by like marrying a good person with a good family. And, and I remember, and there was kind of like this whole thing growing up, uh, when I started dating people. Uh, so my great-grandmother, when my mother started dating guys, she would always ask them, which means, what's their last name? So what's their last name? Right. Uh, so, so if that's what you grew up with, right? It's like, oh, okay, like the person that you choose, like, make sure they have their, their together. Make sure at least they come from a good family or whatever. Like what's their last name? Um, you know, that expectation is not, doesn't just disappear because it's 2025, you know, or, or, or 2010, you know, it's, it's something that we hold onto unconsciously or consciously. And, the generational trauma, generational teachings, those things creep up on us in ways that we're not even aware of.

Jess: 8:06

Yeah, I mean, it's just, I mean, it's just culture in general, right? It's just like what you grow up with and what you're surrounded by is your normal. And so unless you see other things, you know, it's like you don't, yeah. okay. Wow. So that, that was the expectation of honoring your parents. Um, and, and, okay, I wanna move into the poly stuff.

Michelle: 8:28

Yeah. That's what I'm excited about.

Jess: 8:31

to the listener who's not watching, um, on YouTube, Michelle's eyes just like lit up. Yeah. Okay. So we're like, we're, we're in this part of the, the conversation finally. So, at what point did you start practicing polyamory? Or did like polyamory enter your life?

Michelle: 8:51

So I started practicing polyamory because I had reconnected with this guy in my life, and, uh, he was poly. we had dated before and, and By the time we reconnected, he was polyamorous. So I was kind of exposed to that. And it was a sh it was, and that reconnection was very short-lived.

Jess: 9:12

Mm-hmm.

Michelle: 9:13

so after that I moved to Atlanta from Athens and I kind of just went with it really. I had another long-term relationship. Come shortly after I, I moved to Atlanta and we were poly and I dated other people while we were together. And he dated other people and talked to other people and had other intimate connections with other people, not sexually intimate, emotionally intimate. With other people because we were together all throughout COVID, so it's not like we could necessarily go out and date so freely and stuff like that. and then I also entered the Burner Worlds and the Kinky Worlds. So, which are all like different, they're, they're different scenes in Atlanta and in Georgia, but all of them are very poly heavy. And, that is just how those, that was just kind of like the avenue, but it later it just very much became like a very instinctual thing for me. A very normal thing for me

Jess: 10:23

Very like comfortable fit.

Michelle: 10:25

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Exactly. I've been polyamorous for almost six, seven years now,

Jess: 10:33

what is the most partners you've had at any one time?

Michelle: 10:36

Three, I've had three committed partners at one time, and it was a lot. Um, I think at that point in my life, I like, I think that when you're polyamorous, like you realize your limits. I think that every polyamorous person goes through this, which is like when they're dating and when they, they get like super excited and you're like a kid in a candy store and you wanna have all the partners and, and, and you realize that it's just not sustainable. So for me, really ideally, one partner, two committed partners or involved partners and and that's it. Anybody outside of that is, friends with benefits, A lover something way more casual. Right? it's just logistics, time and energy. It has nothing to do with, I still have, I have, play partners or, or, or a, a lover who, who we, we care about each other deeply. Uh, we, we care each, we care about each other as humans. Um, and just because they are not my anchor partner, right? If just because they are not my. Boyfriend, girlfriend person. I'm, you know, I'm on the escalator with, they, they still matter as a human. I still treat them with respect and I'm still honest with them. I still take the time to, you know, if they feel uncomfortable with something, I still take the time to talk to them about it. You know, I don't dismiss the value of the relationship just because we are just 'cause they're not meeting my parents,

Jess: 12:05

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Michelle: 12:06

So,

Jess: 12:07

tell me about the time you had three partners at the same time. Like what were the people like and how did you know the meet? Cute. All of it. give me the deets Yeah.

Michelle: 12:17

I had a partner of a year and a half by that time we were together for a year and then I had met this other guy. I don't wanna use anybody's names, um, but um,

Jess: 12:31

Just to respect their privacy. Of

Michelle: 12:32

just to respect their privacy. so I, I had had a, a, a partner, we'll call them Jay. Jay is a cisgender female femme, um, so cisgender woman. And then I had, another partner who he was, whew, that man is just so beautiful. I mean, he, he's very stereotypical, very attractive. Any room we would move, we would walk into, like gi rls would just come left and right, truly. Um, he was, he had blue eyes. He was a silver fox. Tall, tatted up, like he was so handsome. And then, and we were together for a couple months by that point. And then I met another guy, um, we'll, we'll name him David. And David was a tattoo artist. And really what the dynamic became when I had that many partners was I had a Monday partner, a Wednesday partner, and a Friday partner, and then we would kind of like, be like, Hey, you know, what weekend can I get you? Or what, you know, I would kind of, I would have to be very proactive with my calendar, so, um, it was, it was exhausting. I, I felt cared for and loved, but like. My phone was, would not stop ringing. And you know, I I, in that moment in my poly journey, I realized, okay, these are the boundaries, right? Um, and then what happened later on was I had two, this is the part that they don't tell you when you decide to practice polyamory, which is, oh my God, I had like two breakups in one week. And it was hard. It was a hard, and then my, my partner, uh, Jay, which was my girlfriend, you know, she was there for that. And, she or my former girlfriend, we aren't together anymore. But yeah, it, it, it's. Poly can be chaotic. poly, can be great in so many ways. Poly can be open and communicative and can give the space to have very vulnerable conversations and have so much connection, but it can also be very exhausting. Um, so that's as many partners as I've had at one time, committed partners. Um, but now I'm single and, and, and enjoying life and enjoying connections at all levels. So,

Jess: 15:05

Um, can you describe the burner scene that you're in?

Michelle: 15:10

So I started going to burn. So, um, there's Burning Man, which I'm pretty sure is the burn that everybody is familiar with. It's kind of like the most mainstream burn, but, What people don't realize is actually, uh, throughout the United States, there are regional burns. So there are small burns, um,

Jess: 15:28

There's even an Africa burn. There's like burns,

Michelle: 15:31

a, yeah. there's an Africa burn there are burns of

Jess: 15:34

I

Michelle: 15:34

kinds.

Jess: 15:35

I've always wanted to go to a burn, but I haven't actually made it to one yet. Just logistically,

Michelle: 15:40

That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been going to burn since 2018 and it really like, kind of changed my life. I mean it in like the people that I've met, the things that I've learned, the experiences that I've had and, and, and, and burner and the burner world. Like any, a lot of things go like, we have basic, you know, there's, there's obviously boundaries and, and, but it's all about consent And there are like some principles that everybody goes by and we kind of come together as community, build this whole like, small town with over the weekend. And there's all kinds of stuff that you can do. and then, you know, at the end of the weekend you pack up and you come back home. Um, but in this world there's like so many poly people, I camp with polycules who, like everybody has their own tents and you know, maybe they're maybe a two metas share a partners. So like, one of them will have them one night and one of them will have them the other night or spend, or they'll split the time like, Hey, I'm gonna have, you know, Friday night with them, we're gonna go throughout the burn. And on Saturday night, the other partner has their other, you know, they go off and do their own thing. So. It's all just logistics. Polyamorous, people are just logistical nerds. We're logistic nerds and logistic nerds and relationship nerds, and it's really ridiculous. But this is a thing, growing up cheating happened, other relationships happened, And I saw the chaos that those, that infidelity would bring and the destruction and the dishonesty and the pain that that would bring. And I look at that and I said, hell no, I don't want that. And now I'm in spaces where people share romantic partners. They're not necessarily involved with each other, but they happen to have like a hinge or they happen to have a say partner. And it's not. Drama and chaos and lies and dishonesty and hiding. It's, Hey, I'll just see them on Thursday, like, you know, and, and that for me is the shift. And that's the thing. I, I truly believe that polyamory is a choice. There are people, if you talk to them in the poly world, that polyamory is like a sexuality, that you don't get to choose it. I think that part of the human experience at some point, everybody goes through this regardless if you are, regardless of your gender, sexuality, whatever, we all go through this world and we meet somebody that we're attracted to at any point. And at some points we find ourselves single. And at other points we find ourselves partnered. And when we find ourselves partnered, we. Here is the first kind of crossroads. I can either act on this connection that I have just come across, or I cannot act on this connection that I have, come across because I am monogamous and I am partnered and I will not do it Great. If you decide to do that, wonderful. if you come across somebody that you're attracted to, you find yourself partnered and you decide to act on this connection. In comes in the second crossroads, which is okay, I can be honest about it and go to my partner and tell them, Hey, I'm attracted to this person. I would like to act on this connection. Or I can go behind their back and lie to them about it, which is the road that a lot of people take regardless of. Does choosing polyamorous or not? I think that everybody goes through this at some point in their lives, right? Maybe there's people who don't, I don't know, but I think the majority do, and I have chosen that I will always, I want to lead with honesty and respect. I can meet somebody tomorrow and not be attracted to anybody else for the rest of my life. That's fine. But if that human experience happens again, I am committed to being honest about it and to not destroy whatever I have with a person I love. that's why I choose to be polyamorous, right? I can choose to be monogamous and lie to my partner, or I can choose to walk away from everybody else I'm attracted to for the rest of my life and be monogamous and set those boundaries. Everything is a choice. So. That is what polyamorous essentially is for me, and I don't think that anybody is immune to running just because your partner or just because you're married, you're immune to running into somebody else that you feel a deep connection to. I don't think that it's just like just stops happening because you have a ring on your finger,

Jess: 20:37

Mm-hmm.

Michelle: 20:38

you know?

Jess: 20:39

Yeah. But you know, I like that you put it as like, it is a choice and there's no hierarchy between these choices. Just everyone just has their own choice to make and what kind of relationships they want, what kind of life they want, what kind of experiences they want. Right. I definitely agree with that, you know, I think it's really important for like everybody to respect everybody else's choices, and yeah, if like other people are making the choices that make them happy, great.

Michelle: 21:08

Mm-hmm. yeah. And I would say like, I grew up in a culture. At first, like before I actually, before I say what I'm gonna say first, like, I stand by Latino men. I stand by, like there's the stereotype that Latino men are not present. Spouses and not present as parents and not present as, you know, they just kind of like abandoned their family and whatever, or, or Latino lover drunks, right? But in reality, I came up and was raised by a lot of strong men who were present and who were great spouses and who were great fathers and, you know, but I also was around people. Like I had a great, uncle, uh, a great aunt whose husband he married into the family. He had a whole nother family across town and everybody knew about it. And every, like, we all knew that, and he had two families. And, and that just existed. And I feel that polyamory has always existed and always happens. It's just in Latino culture, at least when, when I grew up, it was always afforded to men. right. It is just like, oh yeah. Like, yeah, they have their lover, whatever. when it did happen, and then later on, both men and women, like I actually was like aware of both men and women doing this right. And having their lover or whatever and kind of practicing that way. But it was always behind the scenes. It was a secret. It was always cheating. It was always lying and dishonesty. And this is nothing new. This is actually, uh, this is nothing that's like, oh, millennials these days y'all just love being poly. Oh, just, you just, you're just in your ways. It's like, no, dude. Like are you kidding me? Like people have people practice polyamory all the time and have for generations. They just do it behind their partner's back and their partner finds out after. They've had, you know, children with other people or have a whole nother family or, and stuff like that. And there's, I don't think that any of those things should be ashamed. I I, I think about my great uncle. He had a whole nother family with another woman. And that's deep connection. That's meaningful connection. And, and people, and normative people would be like, oh, well she's the lover. She, you know, he was married and what the it's just like these connections exist and they can exist and they can coexist. Um, people just decide how to approach them, They don't have the tools of polyamory to be like, oh hey, like, you know, let me take care of your kids now. Right? Where my great-aunt would be like, Hey, let me take care of your kids when you guys go out. Now I'm around people in polycules where like. Let's say a person has very significant deep connections with two people. Like, you know, a partner will babysit the kids while they go out on a date and it's like this communal thing. Or like, Hey, like, let me see them on Friday. I'll see that you can see them on Sunday. Great. That works out, right? It's, it's this communal thing of like, let's see how we can support each other and, and, truly like be in community together, while acknowledging you know, that we love this same person, that I find beautiful and I aspire to have at some point, you know, um, I don't want to live and grow in a world where my partner or I feel like we have to go behind each other's back to to do that. And, and, and for me to mimic what I kind of grew up seeing, Thru very, you know, isolated examples. Again, I defend Latino men, I defend Latino people. Okay. I think that these things happen regardless of culture.

Jess: 24:49

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It definitely happens regardless of culture.

Michelle: 24:53

Exactly.

Jess: 24:55

After the break, how Michelle handles jealousy and what she's looking for in her love life now. Cultureful is 100% independent, and we rely on listeners like you to keep these intersectional stories coming. If you're finding value in Michelle's story today, Please consider joining our season three supporters at the link in our show notes. And now back to my conversation with Michelle. Yeah, it's interesting, you know, you're, you know, when you're talking about like, polyamory people as like love nerds. I love that way of

Michelle: 25:34

Logistical nerds and love nerds.

Jess: 25:36

nurse and love nerds to like, also just, it's not even like, you know, like when you, when you think about, or when you talk about like, people supporting each other to go on dates, you know, by like taking care of the kids or whatever it is. it's not just, the firsthand experience of, but it's like a whole community thing, right. And to support the community. Um, yeah, with like childcare and other stuff, and like trying to work out calendars like it,

Michelle: 26:02

Yeah, it's, it's, it takes a community, it takes a village, you know, to, and now, like, it's funny because a lot of people that I know don't have kids, but the people who do like, yeah, they, they kind of create the, the support system. But it is very nice when people come in with the intention of building community, I think that it is quite beneficial if they're able to get over their initial insecurities, which is, you know, jealousy and the crazy snakes that go through your head when your partner's off on a date and those kinds and, and, and abandonment issues, right? When you're able to over see that. And connect with people beyond your fears. It can actually be a very beautiful thing.

Jess: 26:46

okay. I feel like you're reading my mind a lot today too because, okay.'cause I was gonna say, you know, when I think about polyamory, the first thing that crosses my mind is the logistical nightmare and energy, you know, of just like, like, 'cause I had a point in my life where I was on Bumble, I was dating, I was trying to find. My partner and I just had the hardest time, even just like dating some guys, like, you know, I had the hardest time keeping like information straight of like, who said what, what did we do last time together on our last date? I just don't have good memory and like, and that, and then, but also like, yeah, like when do I see who yeah. And then eventually I usually just was like, okay, I don't have the energy and like the concentration, the memory for like the stuff. So then, yeah, for me definitely like I can only manage one. emotional deep connection because I feel like it takes a lot, you know, like you were saying also like your ideal is like one to two.'cause like three was like a lot, um, in terms of energy, logistics, all this stuff time. but then I think like the other thing that I think. Is common for people that are not in the poly community to like, to be like, wow, how do people manage Is like the jealousy factor that you're talking about. You know? So, so for you, did you deal with jealousy Tell me about that.

Michelle: 28:16

Yeah, I think that one of the misconceptions is that like polyamorous people are immune to jealousy, which is not the case at all. We just learn to handle jealousy in the same way that we would handle our anger in the same way that we would handle our fear or in the same way that we would handle our joy. I remember when I was a kid, when I would feel very excited, I would yell, right? and I'd be like, ah, you know, it was, it was like, it was like really weird. and over time I learned how to manage that emotion where I don't yell because we know that yelling disrupts people around us and we wanna be considerate of the people around us, right? And when I started to. Practice polyamory. I kind of related jealousy to that same, feeling of like, okay, cool. I learned how to manage my joy. I don't yell when I feel excited. right. Am I going to, I'm not going to project my anger and fear and insecurities to my partner or to my meta. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go to my therapist and see what the heck is going on, you know? so yes, of course I feel jealousy to this day. Are you kidding me? Like, yes, it is. It is an emotion that everybody feels. and it doesn't disappear. I hate to break it to people. You know, actually when, when, when polyamorous people, when I start dating and they're like, oh, I don't get jealous. That for me is such a red flag that for me, I'm like, okay, either you don't acknowledge that you get jealous and you don't know how to process those feelings, or you're ignoring it. Right. You're suppressing it. You haven't learned how to, like, for me, that I'm just like, like, oh, I don't feel jealous. Okay, bud. You know, literally, that's, that's my reaction.

Jess: 30:10

what if they're just wired different from you,

Michelle: 30:13

Um, I, that's, that's,

Jess: 30:16

but you're skeptical. You're skeptical.

Michelle: 30:18

I, I am skeptical. would we, would we say that about joy? Oh, I just don't feel joy. Like, no, these are all human emotions. These are all human's, emotions, jealousy, anger, happiness, envy, joy. These are all human emotions. We all feel them, right? We're not, it's Oh, that emotion. Oh, I just don't feel that. Oh, I just don't feel sad, like ever. Like, who does that? Like,

Jess: 30:43

that's not, what I mean. I, I mean like, I think there's, like, I think I'm also thinking about this because of an interview I had where, um. It's for my guest whose name is Aisha. She was talking about, you know, her relationship with her dad and just how she had a very possessive love for him, you know, and she has a very possessive, and she just kind of like kept framing it. Like she just, when she loves something, she's, it's like a very possessive feeling. And I, and I just think like, you know, I think I don't identify that way. I think I, some, some people that I love, like it's a little bit more possessive. Sometimes it's not. And so I wonder like, you know, for some people, like maybe the way they love is just less, like they don't have that possessiveness feeling, so maybe they, of course people feel jealousy in general, but maybe not about their romantic partners. Maybe they feel jealousy in another part of their life, but not that, you know what I mean?

Michelle: 31:34

I think they have learned to handle it better. I think that at some point so when your partner, yes. Like when a partner of mine goes off on a date. I, I do not feel the amount of jealousy and the amount of strain in my body that I did at the beginning, for sure. Like in my first like couple years of being polyamorous. 100%. And I have had points where I feel so much joy where I am like, oh my God, I'm so excited for you. They are such a cutie. Like hell yeah. You know, I've definitely had that as well. And that doesn't mean that I don't have, like, we were all kind of conditioned to think that these things aren't normal. That you're not supposed to feel excited when your partner goes out and has an experience without you or conditioned that you want to have all those experiences with your partner yourself. And I think that nobody truly escapes that unless there were raised polyamorous, you know? And even then, and even then, I think that we all have those instinctual threats.

Jess: 32:39

So I wanna, come back. We started with, your Latin culture and I wanna come back to now, now that we know, you know more about your relationship history, your journey with, Your sexual orientation from BI to now? said pansexual and queer.

Michelle: 32:57

Yes. Yes. I do identify more as a queer person. I'm a good old queer,

Jess: 33:04

Uhhuh.

Michelle: 33:04

you know, person.

Jess: 33:05

Yeah. Um, and yeah, we also talked about, poly stuff. And so like, I wanna Talk about how all of those interact a little bit more with your, with your culture, with your Latin culture.

Michelle: 33:19

I've brought multiple partners to my family before. this was during the time where I had three partners, um, and I decided to take two to the family function because we were more involved, more time had passed by the third partner and not, and I don't say third as in level, like, oh, they were just most important. No, it was just, it was more of like, we had only been dating for a couple, you know, for like a month or two and it just was not appropriate.

Jess: 33:44

Just like chronology third.

Michelle: 33:46

Yeah, yeah, Yeah, Chronology third, but like, you know, cared about them. so I to bring both my partners. when I decided and I talked to my partners about it. They're like, okay. So I messaged my cousins, so we have like a, a group chat of the girl cousins and I messaged them and I said, Hey, it's my, you know, we're gonna get together. We're gonna celebrate my 30th birthday. It was, I was gonna turn 30. Mm-hmm. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a Halloween baby. And, I said, I'm gonna bring both my boyfriend and my girlfriend, and I want them to meet y'all, and I want it to, I, I just want, they were, you know, they were like, okay, absolutely. Cool. This is all you know, thank you for letting us know. And I told them, if y'all could tell your partners please, some of you know, their spouses or whatever. Just kind of like, give everybody a heads up. It's. It's just a lot for me to, go from person to person. So they're like, absolutely. So they did, I took my boyfriend and my girlfriend, we had a great time. we hung out my, both my partners, you know, they would kind of like decompress together because they were buds, right? So there'd be like, dude, like Pebbles or Michelle's family is like wild, right? Because we're a big family. There's 20 cousins, there's kids everywhere. There's partying. Like everybody's having a good time. And, uh, yeah, I mean, I, I, it was really, really wonderful. so that night was really great. However, later on, a couple days later, the family got back together to celebrate another person's birthday. That's the thing about like big families, it's, there's always a birthday going on. So, I sat down with my aunt and she said, you know. Now granted, my aunt's like 67. I think she's like in her seventies now, but she said, you know what, what was that like? What's going on? I guess nobody like sat down and talked to her about it. I said, yes, I have, you know, I have two partners and they're really wonderful. And, she started asking like, are they involved with each other? Is it like the three of you? What's going on? I said, no, I date them both separately. They are both friends though, and and all that stuff. And she was, I was like, tia, but like, thank you so much for like understanding and respecting, you know, you are very nice and kind to the both of them. And she's like, that's so funny because I was so in my head, I thought I was being a total, can I say bad words here? I, I thought I was being a total to them. Yeah. I, I thought I was being like a total to them. I said no. I didn't notice anything and they didn't notice anything. And um, she's like, okay, yeah, no, I. and and funny enough, she was actually a lot more nicer to my boyfriend than my girlfriend. Um, she was a lot more welcoming to my boyfriend than my girlfriend. Now again, we're going back to Latino culture, Right. Man, blah, blah, blah, whatever,

Jess: 36:46

also like she understands more.

Michelle: 36:49

Uhhuh.

Jess: 36:50

Yeah. Seeing you with someone who is male presenting.

Michelle: 36:54

exactly. So, you know, I said, you know, thank you. I, I, uh, we didn't notice it. it's all good, and thank you for understanding and for respecting that. And she said, no, no, no, no, no. I do not understand it, but I respect it and I respect you and I love you, and I want you in my life. So that's it. You know? And I said, she's like, I was like, Tia, let's not sugarcoat things here. There's been lovers in and out everywhere, you know, throughout everything, like throughout our hotel, throughout, like these things happen. Uh, just know that I'm deciding to be honest about it and not go behind a partner's back. And both of my partners deserve the honor to meet my family. I have the most amazing family in the world, and the love is here to be spread and not, you know, limited to just the main partner. I'm not about that. And this will probably not be the, the first time or the last time that you might meet multiple partners from me. I refuse to repeat the story. I refuse to lie to my partners and I refuse to like, withhold the absolute amazing love that this family has to give to people and you know, and she respects it so. That's it.

Jess: 38:16

What a conversation and for her to be like, actually, the way you read it wasn't how I felt. but then, to be like, but I do respect it and I do respect you.

Michelle: 38:25

Uhhuh, and I want you in my life

Jess: 38:27

Yeah. And she's aware that like if she doesn't, then she might not be in your life

Michelle: 38:33

Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. And, and I mean, and the same thing with my parents. I, I told them, I said, you know, I'm polyamorous. This is the deal, because I introduced my partners to everybody, so they were gonna get the word, you know, it was gonna get back to them.

Jess: 38:49

Uh

Michelle: 38:52

so they're like, whoa, this is weird. Whoa. It's like, dang, you're queer and now you're, now it's all this like, calm down Michelle. I said, no, this isn't weird again. Y'all know very well. Infidelity happens, you know, let's not get into the nitty gritty, but y'all know very well that these things happen. And if anything, I hope that you can find pride in that your daughter leads with transparency and honesty and is not gonna go behind anybody's back and that you raised your child well in that sense, for me, dignity and integrity is just everything. and I really emphasize that. I also, same with, I have a aunt, Latina aunt who's Jehovah's Witness, who I told her is like, I'm polyamorous. and her and I are so close, and she's like, I mean, yeah, I get it. Like, you know, I don't agree with it. I'm super religious and Jehovah's Witness, but you know, I've, I've had, I've been very lucky. To stand my own ground and to have family that just truly respects that regardless. And even if they're shocked, even if it's weird for them, they will never, ever disrespect me, disrespect or say anything that like offends me. Like I don't, at least not to my face, and, and let's keep it that way, you know?

Jess: 40:14

Yeah, when you're talking like, and before you said the word integrity, I was just thinking like, wow. Yeah, it just takes a lot of integrity. That was the word that kept, coming into my mind like integrity and strength to be, in that family context and like share who you are with them about how you approach relationships and to share that, that, how you approach with the relationships is because of these values that you have

Michelle: 40:42

Mm-hmm.

Jess: 40:42

anyway. I'm very inspired. It's very badass.

Michelle: 40:45

thank you. I think, I think that that's something that they should be proud of. they are very proud of me. My family says it all the time, they very much admire, what I've done for myself professionally in education, relationship wise, I would dare to say that. I just will not do that. And, I do look forward to, a point in my life, you know, where maybe I have multiple partners and I will bring multiple partners again to my, to the family function and they'll get it. so, yeah, you know, I, it's hard sometimes. It's, it's hard to lead like that sometimes. Sometimes it's just like, dang, this is a lot. But there's just no other way I would prefer to be. I'm a very bad liar. Like, I, even if, even if I was monogamous, I am such a bad liar, I would be the worst cheater. I would be the worst cheater. Like, I couldn't, if I tried, I couldn't. If I tried like.

Jess: 41:45

so. Okay. this is a great segue, you know, talking about like what you would like, you would like to have potentially in the future, multiple partners, I think that, hearing about, your grandmother, like these, like really strong like figures in your family and how that informed you and shaped, who you are today. it really does show, like, it really, yeah. I feel like it really does, like the through line is very obvious and I'm so glad we went back to hear about some of the family roots. And, present day now you're 32, uh, living in Atlanta, what are you wanting in your love life now?

Michelle: 42:27

Oh wow. So what's like, it's actually calmed down a lot. I, I, would love an anchor partner, you know, an anchor partner or two. so an anchor partner in the polyamorous world is kind of like your quote unquote partner who, you probably live together, you probably are considering getting married, right? Those escalator things, right? This is all a bunch of like poly lingo that's, that kind of requires a little bit of background. But, I would really love, maybe one or two partners if, you know, if my partner who I don't nest with or isn't considered an anchor, like for them to have their anchor partner. My meta is, my partner's partner. So I've always dreamt of like having a house and having what I would call the meta suite. So it'd be like a basement of apartment where my partner could have space with their partner. I can have space with my partner, but nobody has to leave the house. Right? We don't have to go through the logistics of you having to sleep over somebody else's house so that we, me and my partner can have like, our time together. Like, no, I, I want, I want like special space for that. I wanna be a comrade with my meta. I think that it, oh man. When there's a good meta ship, when you and your partner's partner just really click and, and you connect and you can come together to really uplift your partner, there's nothing like it. There's really nothing like it when you overpass, when you surpass, kind of like that initial instinct of competing with your meta. But instead you come together and, maybe you split the cost of like a cruise and you know, y'all all go to a cruise. Or like, Hey, like we know that our partner really loves this, let's come together and do this for them. that is just like the best when you have the opportunity to have a meta ship in that way. and I haven't had it in a long time, but, it's quite a beautiful thing.

Jess: 44:16

solid friendship.

Michelle: 44:18

Yes. A really solid comradery. A comradery. Right. And if my partner, and if my meta has kids with their partner or you know, whatever, like. Hey, you want us to take care of the kids? Go off. And you know, it, it takes a village. It's, it's very beautiful. And I've, I actually am around polycules that do that, and it's very beautiful and I'm like, oh, there's nothing more that I want than that. But you really have to have the right people. It takes a lot of time, it takes a lot of work and effort, just like a marriage does and like balancing anything else, you know? I just happen to want it to be that way. And, that's what I would really love. Currently, I am like 100% single and I'm focusing on my career and on myself. And, you know, I have lovers. I have, playtonic, if you will, is what we, what I call it, like friends that I have. Intimate relationships with, but they're not sexual. so, but we, but we just cuddle really hard, you know? and for somebody, let's say that I start dating, if they see that, they're like, whoa, what's happening here? so I think that the beautiful thing about polyamory is that I get to live different connections and different forms of intimacy and all of that is allowed, and there's a safe space for it. It doesn't mean, oh, you're cuddling with this person or you're kissing this person. So like, where's that going? Are you guys dating? No, it's not this one prescribed, path. It's like, no, I have playtonic friends who I love deeply and I hope to, be able to cuddle with them and, and be super, super sweet and intimate with them for like, my whole life, regardless of like who I end up possibly being with or marrying or nesting with, you know? I also have play partners, like, you know, have a play partner of two years. He just has his new partner and I'm so happy for him, and I'm just like, yay, Go. You. You know? so it's, it's an abundance of different connections and I hope that one day I will have an anchor partner and, maybe two. We'll see.

Jess: 46:17

I hope that for you too. That sounds really beautiful. Sounds like a really full, very, very Full life. Full of love.

Michelle: 46:25

Mm-hmm.

Jess: 46:26

Yeah. And, I want to ask this next question as nod to Quinn, our mutual friend, which who, she's, how we met. Quinn is also known as the Joy Boss. Um, so I wanna ask you, right now, what is bringing you joy?

Michelle: 46:44

What is bringing me joy? Ugh. My ambition is bringing me joy. I am so excited for what is next, career wise. It's driving me and like I'm working every single day to make that next step in my career. that journey is truly bringing me joy.

Jess: 47:06

Thank you for being really open and authentic and I really appreciate it. I,

Michelle: 47:12

Thank you.

Jess: 47:14

let's close out with the last two questions that it's like, I'm trying to make it a tradition. Is there, um, something you wanna plug, share with the listener? How can they connect with you or just anything that you wanna plug?

Michelle: 47:27

Yeah. there's nothing I necessarily want to plug. I mean, I have an Instagram, it's pebble spins. I, as a hobby, I've been a fire performer for about like eight years and I post fire stuff there and it's, it's fun. And

Jess: 47:41

very exciting to watch.

Michelle: 47:44

yeah, I'm there eating fire and like flowing with fire and it's a good time if you wanna like, follow me on there, but I don't necessarily have anything that I wanna plug or, or, anything like that. It's really just a joy to have this conversation, with you. And, and thank you for like, for you for wanting to hear my story and any listener that has wanted to listen to this story. I appreciate it.

Jess: 48:08

Of course. it was really interesting and you're very insightful. Articulate. Fascinating, deep person. Um, so I'm glad I met you. Yeah, thanks Quinn, again. Thanks Quinn.

Michelle: 48:22

We love Quinn.

Jess: 48:23

for sure. Um, and the last question is, is there a saying idiom or just like something like either that you grew up with or that you, otherwise wanna share? Dicho.

Michelle: 48:36

Oh my God, there are so many sayings that like I live by.

Jess: 48:44

You can share a few. We love, I love these. I'm saying we love these. I love these. I hope the listener loves these.

Michelle: 48:50

Okay. How about I'll do, I'll do a Latino one. a queer one, and a poly one.

Jess: 48:54

love that. Yes.

Michelle: 48:55

so a Latino one. I never forget where I came from, ever. Like, for me, that is always first, that, that's what leads me every single day. I never forget where I came from. That is my Latino one. My,

Jess: 49:10

That one.

Michelle: 49:11

uh,

Jess: 49:14

Hmm.

Michelle: 49:15

so that is my Latino one. My queer one is, always, treat people how you want to be treated. Of course, right? The golden rule, like in my queer journey, of course, I've come across things that I'm unfamiliar with. But they become familiar with over time. And, when you take the time to like not be scared, like just treat people with respect always. and it's, it's all gonna be okay. And then for my poly one is all connections are, are valid. we have this condition that like the lover is less than the anchor partner or like the spouse is more than, you know, the, the play partner when in reality, there's just so much connection and deep, intention that people can have at all levels. And, um, if we allowed ourselves to live that, it can bring us a lot of joy. So those are kind of the, the three. Things that I live by always.

Jess: 50:19

Thank you. Those are beautiful.

Michelle: 50:21

you. Thank you.

Jess: 50:24

That was the second half of my conversation with Michelle. I loved hearing her thoughts on love and connection, what polyamory means to her, the respect that she expects for herself and her partners. she shows us another way to interact with our families. A way that not only honors them, but also honors ourselves. you can connect with Michelle on Instagram at pebble spins. If you're enjoying season three, please consider becoming a supporter. This show explores, highlights and reflects on underrepresented perspectives and the messy, beautiful ways they intersect with our cultures. if you believe in this kind of social impact storytelling. Join season three supporters today. Your contribution keeps this show independent and ensures that these voices have a home. this week. A special shout out to our founding supporters, Groverel and Amy. you for your contributions to these powerful stories. You can find the link to donate and the video version of this episode in the show notes. This episode was produced and edited by me with advising and executive production support from Ruben. Thank you for listening. I'm Jess Lin Take care of yourself and your neighbors, and I'll see you soon.