Breaking the Blocks
Hi!
Thanks for stopping by! Life is tough, and I think this podcast might offer you some relief. My aim? To inspire you to overcome some of your own blocks through the inspirational, honest, and at times, downright raw conversations with some wonderful guests, not huge celebrities, regular people like you and I. Let’s see how they have overcome the difficulties in their lives and offer you some advice and more importantly hope.
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Breaking the Blocks
Crafting Calm: Lucy Brennan on Creativity, Self-Worth, and Embracing Change
Crafting holds a meditative power, a truth that Lucy Brennan, also known as @CharmAboutYou (and she does a Saturday Night Craftalong on Instagram). embodies in her life journey. As she shares her story, we learn how the art of crafting, passed down from her grandmother and mother, became her refuge from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Balancing a full-time job and creative passions, Lucy reflects on how crafting has found its way back into the hearts of a younger generation, offering a peaceful counterbalance to modern-day stress.
Our conversation takes a heartfelt turn as we navigate through the emotional challenges Lucy faced over the past few years. Unexpected opportunities, such as TV appearances, arrived unplanned, alongside personal loss, all of which reshaped her understanding of self-worth. Through a playful meme comparing 2019 to 2023, we take a moment to acknowledge the shared anxieties of our times, while the wisdom of Eckhart Tolle guides our discussion on finding peace and reducing self-imposed pressures by staying anchored in the present.
In our exploration of personal growth, Lucy opens up about the vital role of gratitude, connection, and self-care in overcoming anxiety and depression. From music and movement to embracing one's divine energies, she shares practical strategies for lifting spirits and fostering a sense of self-worth. Whether it's through the metaphorical oxygen mask of self-care or the empowering act of stepping out of comfort zones, Lucy's experiences underscore the strength and resilience needed to embrace life's inevitable changes with grace and courage.
Well, hello, lovely podcast listener. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Breaking the Blocks. I'm Rachel, and today my guest is Lucy Brennan. You might know her as CharmAboutYou on Instagram. She hosts a Saturday night craft along there. She's also been on the telly box. She was on the sewing quarter many years ago. But in this interview I wanted to talk about the changes that Lucy has undergone, because I've known her for some time and I know that Lucy has faced some very dark and challenging moments, particularly in the last few years. She's changed her life quite considerably and has faced a lot of her own blocks. So let's find out how she has faced those blocks, those challenges, and how she's overcome them. Well, hello, gorgeous Lucy Brennan. She's back in the Crafty Monkey house. How many years has it been, lucy, lucy, how many? It feels like six, but I mean, I think we've lived for six years through Covid times.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think time is just irrelevant at this point. I I don't know. I never know what day it is, who I am most of the time you know too long?
Speaker 1:no, say that it's been too long. It's been too long, um. So we should explain to our lovely viewers, lucy, if they're thinking well, what? Um? That you of course used to be one of my lovely tutors, teachers, artists, uh, that worked with us, and then you went off to get a full-time job, which we'll talk about in a second, and so that's why you said I haven't got time to teach anymore, but the door is always open. I'm reminded of a song in the 80s. Now, lucy, the door is open wide. Anyway, I don't know where I went into that. It's interesting that you say time is irrelevant. I think time is irrelevant anyway, and I know you and I are a little bit on the kind of spiritual spectrum, so we'll talk about that later. But the thing is, what is time? I think we just have to live in the present moment, don't we later? But the thing is, what is?
Speaker 2:time. I think we just have to live in the present moment, don't we? Absolutely? And I do that more and more and more. I think, the older I get, the more it just, it just doesn't matter. I just focus on what I need to do. And you know it's going to move anyway, isn't it the passage?
Speaker 1:of time, exactly the passage of time. So, lucy, the passage of time. So, lucy, let's talk about, first of all, your creativity, because for anybody who's watching on YouTube, they would be able to see that behind you is a lovely piece of hand stitching, that you did cross stitching, which is something you taught for us here at Monkeys. So have you always been creative? Because people should say people may know you from your Saturday night craft along, which you still do. I still see you in the feeds doing that, but have you always sort of sewed, or was it something you came to later in life? I know that you're still doing it, even though you are working full-time. So how, how and when did it all start for you, this crafty adventure?
Speaker 2:So yes, I have always had that part of me. I did the very 80s hair scrunchies, friendship bands, that sort of thing, that piece. There is black work that I started in 1988 and finished, I think, last year or the year before again time, who knows. But my mum dug that out of our um sort of shed at her house. So yeah, I've always done little bits drawing, painting, all of that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:My nan did a lot of crochet, my mum's a knitter, so it is in my genes, I think yes, yeah, it's so often that I hear that grandmas are the ones who taught us to do things, or mums, but it's a lot of grandmas, I think it is it's changing again, because I think the generation, our mum's generation, they seem to have lost that crafting thing in a way. It was the grandmas that really taught us our crafty things, because I think our moms were too busy going out and trying to, you know, make a living and bring us up, and then it seems to now this generation have kind of got back into it again. It's it's kind of exploding again, isn't it, which is really interesting. Why do you think that is why, why do you think that now we are becoming more crafty?
Speaker 2:yeah, absolutely, I agree with that. I think I think there's a lot of the make, do amend kind of philosophy has come back in. Truthfully, I don't think clothes are as well made all the time, you know, all the time as they used to be. So people are fixing things, repairing things, and I think just the pressures maybe you know our generation was you can be anything, you can do anything, you can have it all, and that's actually a lot of pressure. So, having an outlet that allows you to be mindful, you know, focus on that one thing. You're not having all the pressure of the outside world attacking you and that sort of one stitch at a time, you know it's, it is a very meditative process. I think, yeah, sometimes frustrating and all of that, but I think, yeah, sometimes frustrating and all of that, but I think it's just that time for yourself.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about what that does for you then, because you've obviously gone back to regular work. It was your full time thing for a while because you were on TV and things. I mean, was it just a financial decision for you to have to go back to a full time job or was there some of that feeling of I I'm not, I need to move on or something? What was the decision in going back to work?
Speaker 2:There was a lot at play and I'm going to just start this by saying everybody's journey is different I'm not casting aspersions, I'm not making recommendations and it really is different for everybody. So I just want to be really clear on that and when I'm talking I'm going to say for me. So for me it became just like churning things out and I did feel the burnout and I did feel like I was losing some creativity and it wasn't as fun. Realistically, there was no stability and while I'm OK with that, on some level I'm a Capricorn, I'm quite traditional and what I've realized is routine, structure, order suit me. It didn't happen. It wasn't really an intentional decision. Honestly, what happened was I was doing the TV work, a lot of which was very fun. The people made it really fun. A lot of which was very fun. The people made it really fun. The work itself was far more laborious than I think anybody realizes. I think television has an amazing way of making everything just appear so easy and so simple. But you have to make a finished product. You have to create all of the steps to be able to show it's very involved and doing that with quilting you know quilters will know quilts something simple you can do relatively quickly, but something more complex takes a lot of time.
Speaker 2:And then my intention was to be teaching and I just so happened to go to a sewing machine manufacturer everyone will know who it is. They offered me a job and was really happy to have something full-time and I was still, um, you know, doing some education there, but then, obviously, covid and everything, I ended up working from home. So that was that was how that happened, really. And then I was still doing bits of teaching, but it it just got very it was too much. It was too much with family and working full time and trying to still maintain that level that I had. So a lot of things kind of petered away. And even within that job, when you're talking about sewing all day long, the last thing you want to do is touch your sewing machine.
Speaker 2:So ultimately, I found even in that I wasn't feeling as creative as I had been. So I was thinking what do I want to do? I ended up doing some courses online. I hadn't done any learning for a really long time, so I went back to that I did. There's a place called course I think you pronounce it Coursera I could be pronouncing it wrong and they do online courses. So I did some Google courses with them, did project management, did some UX and then ultimately ended up in the role I'm in now, which is content design.
Speaker 2:So my background is in English. I did an English degree, did sociology master's, so I kind of felt like, oh, I'm going back into something a little bit more academic. It suits me in that way and that's always been a passion of mine as well writing and reading. So I'm sort of like an online editor a bit, and it's a lot to do with accessibility. It's really interesting, love the job, and that has allowed me then to have quilting, sewing, be my hobby and my passion. So I still do some in-person teaching because I really do enjoy that.
Speaker 2:And I would like to say I'm blogging, but it's become a bit rarer because I don't have the time. I have all the ideas, they're all in there. I will get those blog posts out one day. And then the community on Instagram, like you said, the Saturday night craft along. So still maintaining those kinds of relationships, but it becomes fun again rather than having to do something. And I did. I can't remember where it was, but I think it was a podcast. Somebody was saying, when there's monetary value associated with something, it changes it, and for me that was true. I felt like it. You know, it became more of a chore, and trying to be creative on demand is a very difficult thing, so that burnout that Lucy was talking about is was real for me too.
Speaker 1:It's a very fine line, isn't it? When you are, like you say, creating or creating for money. I mean it's, how many times have we heard this? I mean, when I came up with this name for this podcast breaking the blocks I was kind of like throwing out words to sort of think of what I could call this podcast and all sorts of words, and I was going sewing, quilting, and then I just thought of writer's block and I was like, oh yeah, writer's block. Well, artists have blocks. How about if we break the blocks? Breaking the blocks? And then that was it really. But how many times have we heard that? That you know it's writer's block, and I do think it can be for a writer, if there is, as you say, a deadline, money on the line, you've got to come up with something. I wonder why that is that it stops. I wonder what that, that block, is in the brain? Because there must be a block that's associated with the pressure absolutely, I think it is.
Speaker 2:The pressure is part of it, and then it also becomes less about you. So, because you're doing things for others, you're trying to focus on other people, and I think one of the hardest things for me was thinking what people want and what people want to see and what people want to do yes.
Speaker 1:so let's talk about that expectation and pressure then, because there was a point when you know you were on that path in terms of you know building that, you've got the TV career, you know you've got the teaching, you've got the blogging, so you are sort of trying to put yourself in some sort of you know in the path somewhere. So what about those expectations and pressures on yourself? What about those expectations and pressures on yourself? Did you feel at that? Even at that point, did you feel things start to cave in a little bit, even though you were kind of you know running with it? Was there a little voice in the back of your mind saying Lucy, lucy, you know we're kind of. What are we doing here? Yes, how did you listen to that voice? If there was one?
Speaker 2:yeah, there was one. I don't think I knew it at the time maybe, but the thing is I didn't. It's funny because my path is it's very it's a very strange one. I had some coaching at work and it really helped me to understand it. Most of the things that I've done, even though I chose to do them, I didn't seek them out. I was approached to do the TV stuff. It wasn't something I sought out, so I it was never on my vision board to be on TV. It wasn't even something.
Speaker 1:You keep mentioning pressure expectations. I can absolutely feel that that is something you do not want. You do not want it. It's a really strong guttural reaction to that. You mentioned about struggling with anxiety. I saw this great meme the other day. It was the scene from greece with john travolta and olivia newton john, and it was just a couple of seconds of them driving in their car obviously a fake car and looking really happy and all nicely washed and turned out and it said 2019. And then the next scene was John Travolta and Uma Thurman in Pulp.
Speaker 1:Fiction where she looks like, well, she has had a night on the town, let's put it that way. And so is he, um, and they're in this car, both looking a little bit disheveled, and it says, you know, 2023 or going into 2024, and I I just thought, oh, I get that, I get that. Some people would look at that thinking what, but I did, I got it. And I think you and I had some very deep discussions, didn't we in that period, that three-year period, because I think I really did go on my own spiritual journey. Now, we might have lost some listeners.
Speaker 1:Now We've mentioned the word spiritual, lucy, but I do think, when we talk about that little voice in your head that was going Lucy, lucy, I don't know what this voice is, but I think we all have this voice and we have to try and access it somehow and listen to it. But I think it is our higher selves, it's our soul, it's something in us that has that reaction which you're saying pressure, expectations, no, and it's listening to that voice, isn't it? Let's talk about the three-year journey that you went on, because I went on as well. What happened to you in that three years? Because it has been a big turnaround and I know that there were many, many dark days for you in those three years.
Speaker 2:That inner voice, that self. I think for anyone listening who's freaking out a little bit, it could be you, it could be Jiminy Cricket, it could be the universe, it could be whatever you attribute it to, but we all have it, regardless of what we call it, what we think it is, but we all have it, regardless of what we call it, what we think it is, we absolutely all have it. And I think lockdown and you know that whole period of time was incredibly difficult for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, and I do think for some people it it created an opportunity or a forced opportunity, if you don't want to see it as positively to reflect and to make some changes. And for me really going to try not to get emotional, but it's very, very difficult.
Speaker 2:I lost my nan during that time and I had therapy many, many years ago and that was my worst fear. It has always been my worst fear. So for your worst fear to materialize and to lose the person that you relied on the most was incredibly difficult. So that contributed to it as well, and I did a lot of questioning of myself and, yes, what do I really want and what is my purpose and what am I here for? And am I making the most of myself? And I think my self-worth grew immensely, immensely, and it wasn't about.
Speaker 2:It was about what I was doing, but it was about how I felt about what I was doing and I needed to be doing something that really fulfilled me. Fulfilled me, and there's so much and there has been so much for many, many years about do what you love, follow your passion, you know, reap what you sow, whatever all these sorts of you know kinds of things around having what you do be what you love, and they're so intertwined and you should start your own business and you should, you know, do xyz, and I had done that previously and it didn't give me the satisfaction, fulfillment that I wanted it to, and I felt like the things that I really enjoy and things that I really love to do for me need to kind of be mostly for me, and we talked about that monetary thing, but also I didn't have the stability that I crave and having a full-time job kind of gave me that and I saw it. But I felt like I needed just a bit more and I needed to be doing something that I felt passionate about but but was separate from the things I loved to do. You can only do so much and that and there's so much I want to do, but I've got to be more realistic with myself.
Speaker 2:Recognize, when I'm feeling burnt out, what fills up my cup, what gives me that, that level, that, um, happiness, joy. And I see it in little things all of the time and I look for it and I, you know, that's what fills me up. It's when I have all the external that it just gets too much. And a lot of those pressures, even though it feels like it's coming from outside. I know I'm putting them on myself, I know that so it was. How do I rid myself of feeling that pressure that I'm putting on myself? How do I alleviate that pressure that I'm putting on myself?
Speaker 1:I saw this great quote the other day from Eckhart. I never know how you say his name. Is it toil In this present moment, right now. Stop and look at what you have to worry about in this moment, because all you have is this moment, and that should give you peace. And I know some people go yeah, but in this moment I'm behind on my mortgage. Yes, but we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. We don't know what's going to happen in a year, and the past doesn't matter. So I understand that is a huge pressure. I've been there.
Speaker 1:It's a huge pressure to have those financial difficulties, but in this moment you probably still have that roof over your head and all you can do is get through this moment. All you can do is get through this moment. All you can do is get through this day and not put those pressures on yourself. I've got to do this. I've got to pay this mortgage, I've got to get a job right now, because you have to just take it day by day, by day. And it's about listening to that voice.
Speaker 1:And that's what I used to do, lucy. I just was constantly looking ahead. It's like if you just sit with yourself, you'll find that if you're in the right energy, things will come to you, but you do have to make those decisions, though, as you say, you had to make that decision right. I'm going to get a job. I know what I want to do. You have to make decisions, but don't pressure yourself. I'm sure that you didn't think't think right. I've got to go and get this job and I need it within a week, otherwise everything's going to go wrong. If you do that, you're not going to find a job absolutely you have to just sit and believe and you have to.
Speaker 2:I think it's. It's a really tricky thing because I absolutely believe you get what you put out. I really, really to my core, feel that way. But really bad things happen to really good people, yeah, and really bad things happen to really good people who are really positive. So you can't explain it all away and I have no intention of trying to do so and positive thinking itself. You know you can't think yourself happy and you don't feel it really, and just trying to stop the negative with the positive it doesn't really work if you don't feel it inside of yourself. So it's not a simple thing and I wouldn't expect anybody listening to just think that that's the case, but it is. I keep saying to anyone who listens I'm a really happy person and I'm a really positive person and I am a very I consider myself incredibly optimistic. But that doesn't come 100% naturally. I am a worrier. I inherited that from my nan.
Speaker 2:We used to have many conversations. We'd just talk about all the worries of everybody in the family and that would sort of fix it for us. Because you have to be real, you have to be honest and I think saying what you're worried about it can be really helpful. I'm really worried about this thing. And then you, you do have to sort of let it go, but you also have to go. Well, what can I do about it? What is within my control? What would make it better? And sometimes you might have no options and that absolutely sucks. But hopefully you've got somebody that you can talk to about it or you find an organization where there's somebody that you can talk to about it. There's always an Oprah said once like there's always a choice. There's always a choice. So your choices might not be great, but you have that option to make a choice about it. So I choose to do something for myself in a in a particular way, and if it doesn't work out, xyz, but we'll get there when we get there.
Speaker 2:Because I've never thought about the future when I was younger, all I ever wanted was to have a family. I am so blessed and lucky that that happened for me. And so then, career-wise, it's like what do I do now? And I think, for for a lot of women in those situations who haven't been very career-driven, that's sometimes the case. You know you're like okay, what am I? You do what you can, but the biggest thing is being in the moment. It sounds so cliche, I kind of hate it, but it like it's true. It is true being in the moment, recognizing the small things, being grateful, being grateful is huge to me.
Speaker 2:Being grateful for the small things, being grateful for the people in your life and we all get busy. I don't see my friends half as much as I want to, but they've got families, I've got families, they've got jobs. You know it's it's difficult, but just making a connection, sending a message, send a meme, send a gif, you know all of these kinds of things. You know just just reaching out a little bit when you feel up to it and I don't always feel up to it, I, you know it's that can be really difficult. If you do have anxiety, I have to push myself and that's easy. I don't say it lightly. Some days that's incredibly difficult. But the more you do it you can kind of train yourself to do it. And even if it starts out feeling a bit cheesy, writing down three things that you're grateful for, it could be air, be air whatever. I love my eyes, grateful all the time for my eyes you know, silly, just little things, but when I say it it feels good.
Speaker 2:Things that you enjoy, you know, things that you like good.
Speaker 1:Exactly. And you know, I think it was really good that you said you could be grateful for air. And you know, I saw something else on Instagram and it was saying, when you have your to-do list, instead of saying, oh, you know, I've got to exercise or I've got to go to the shop to do the food shopping, or I've got to pay that gas bill to go to the shop to do the food shopping or I've got to pay that gas bill and I think it had other sort of much bigger things Instead of saying got to just say I'm lucky, I have the chance to do that, so I'm lucky I can pay that gas bill because I've got the money in the bank to do it. There are people who haven't. I'm lucky that I can exercise, I can go out for a walk, you know, and because there are lots of people who cannot walk, you know, so you have to be grateful for, as you say, whatever it is, you have to be grateful for what you have, and I do agree with you, Lucy. It makes such a change in your life.
Speaker 1:You know, I used to stand there. Only I would say, probably, maybe even three years ago. Um, I would stand there often and go oh, I hate my life. I would stand there and say that all the time and become a bit of a joke in the household, but I would say that all the time. And now, even just saying it then Lucy makes me feel a bit sick because I just think I can't believe I did that. I hate my life because I have so many things in my life to be grateful for and one of them is being alive.
Speaker 1:You know, my dad died in October 22. He was gone and I know that if someone gave him the chance to come back he'd be here in a second, even though in his last few years of his life he was filled with chronic, chronic anxiety, panic attacks and depression. But I know he would come back now and go oh, I can't believe I went through all that. Now I'm not saying because I've been there, I've had panic attacks, I went through all that. Now I'm not saying because I've been there, I've had panic attacks, I've had depression, I've had anxiety.
Speaker 1:So I'm not saying you know, oh, get over it, you should be grateful. Not at all. Those are major issues. But what I'm saying is I agree with you, gratitude really helps, and even if you have a panic attack and you get over it, recognize that that panic attack has gone, that you're now stable for a few minutes and be grateful that you're now being stable for a few minutes and build on that and maybe, if the panic attacks become less, keep concentrating on ah, I've only had two today. Yesterday I had three. Okay, that's a good thing, we're okay. We're okay. We're okay, we're getting better. You know, try and focus on the positives, because it does make a huge, huge difference.
Speaker 2:I think it's the, because I've had depression as well medical, you know, depression, and that is a whole different thing. Thinking positive thoughts is not going to help that in any way. Shape or form. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain. You need help with it. So you get the help that you need. What this way of thinking helps me with is keeping it at bay.
Speaker 2:So when I know, you know and that's why I'm saying I have to work at being optimistic. Saying it, I it, I have to work at being optimistic is all of these practices help me from sliding down a very slippery slope which, let's face it, is quite easy to do and know. You know, if anybody has felt that way and has slipped down that slope, you know it's. It's an easy thing to to do and and getting help is really really important. Just, my nan always said do one thing. Just do one thing. When I was really depressed I just had my first child I was horribly, horribly depressed and she just said just do one thing because you get to tick it off, you've done it and you're not setting unrealistic expectations for yourself, and it's also a really good way of prioritizing what is the one thing that you really need to need to do or or get done. So you know there's loads of tricks like that and everyone will find their own way you know, their own method.
Speaker 1:For me it largely is the being present and the finding things to be grateful for I would say if you have a radio in your house or you have your phone that has some music on it or you have a record player, crawl to that radio, press the on button, listen to some music and just make yourself stand up in the kitchen or the bedroom or the bathroom and move your body. Just do it. Even if you think I can't get myself off the floor, I'm so depressed, my life is in the toilet. Just tell yourself, all right, all right, but you know what? For three minutes? For three minutes I'm going to move my body and just try and do it. This is not going to stop your depression, but it will for three minutes. And that three minutes if you can lose yourself in that music, put a bit of ABBA on, put on David Bowie, put on whatever you want, put some heavy rock on and shake your, bang your head you know, not literally on the wall, but you know, try and do that. It's like you're changing the energy around you and you might laugh at yourself, but that three minutes will at least give you three minutes of peace and that's something to build on. But, as you've said, if it is chronic depression, go and talk to someone. I loved what you said about your nan. You should talk to her, talk these things out, and I think it's really important, lucy, to recognize that voice that's telling you that something is not right here, to recognize that you're struggling. You can either, if you can afford therapy, go to therapy, go to your doctors, get some NHS treatment, or talk to your friends.
Speaker 1:I did therapy years ago and one of the biggest tools she gave me in my toolbox was to talk to people. I remember Lucy I mean I was such a drama queen, but I do remember I said to her that I'd sat in the corner of my room. Do you remember that scene in Fatal Attraction with Glenn Close? It's a lot of sex. There's a bit where she sits on the floor. I mean you know the character she's playing, she's deranged, but she sits on the floor and she just turns the light on and off, on and off, and there's Madame Butterfly in the background and the scar is down her face.
Speaker 1:And I used to do that to myself. I would, literally, I would bathe in this depression, I would bathe in this unhappiness. And I'd sit there and my therapist said I'm going to give you a tool for your toolbox. You must make a phone call when that happens. Make a phone call to someone Because of course I think in those days we didn't have text. But she said you know, pick up the phone and speak to someone, and that's one of the biggest tools I've learned, because there's always someone you can call. Call someone, because otherwise you'll just go further and further down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 2:Your voices will tell you not to call. Your voices will tell you not to call. Your voices will tell you not to call and you have to call, you have to, and that even and I mean or message, you know, message if it's easier but something about speaking to people. We spoke. We spoke when you lost your dad. You know it was incredibly, yeah, difficult. And the other side of that is when, if you're in a good place, reach out to somebody who you think might not be, because, even if they're not ready to talk, letting them know that you're there if they need to can be incredibly helpful Because it gives somebody permission to call you when they're lying on the bathroom floor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now you mentioned something as well, lucy. You said self-worth and your self-worth had improved. Now, if anybody is kind of into the spiritual side of things, I've done a lot of research in the last three years about all sorts of things from a very literal point of view of gratitude, being positive, how this can help your life to what is this universe all about? And in the last three years, there are some kind of leaders in that world who have said the divine, feminine we've all got masculine and feminine in our bodies, but the feminines it's been about improving your self-worth, finding it in yourself, and the masculine it's been about becoming more vulnerable and more open and about balancing the two, which is really fascinating if you read about it and I won't go on about it here because it's not the place but if you read about it and when I'm talking to men and women, it is amazing how so many people who are not aware of that kind of thing have said, oh, yeah, I've realized in the last three years I've always given to everybody else and it's been time to give to myself and I feel so much better about it and I know who I am now. And then I've met many who have said, yeah, I just started opening up more, really, and it's really helped me. And I think, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, there's something weird going on here, because so many people this has happened to. There's something weird going on here, because so many people this has happened to.
Speaker 1:But you said that your self-worth had improved. Mine certainly has. I used to sabotage my life. I used to sabotage my friendships, sabotage my relationship by doing things that were not good for me and lowered my self-worth. So what about your self-worth, lucy? How has that improved? How have you improved that self-worth? And what was the issue with your self-worth? Did you feel you didn't have much value? Or where was it coming from?
Speaker 2:that's a very interesting question and not something I have particularly particularly reflected on. I suspect a lot of my self-worth come came from it's different at different phases of my life. So, since having children, a lot of my self-worth was in being a mother and it's that age-old thing of putting on your oxygen mask before you put on your oxygen mask of the kids, and I wasn't doing, I was putting on their oxygen masks. Who am I? What am I? All of those kinds of things and it did all sort of come to a head. Really, am I being fulfilled by what I'm doing? And work makes up such a big part of your life. If I'm doing something that I give value to, it gives value back to me. So my self-worth has grown exponentially and I've always felt like I am a good person.
Speaker 2:I try. You know I'm not perfect, I don't get everything right. I try to be good and so I've. I have value. You know everybody has value as a human being. But what is the? What is the worth that I'm ascribing to myself? And where am I getting that from? My nan used to call sewing work. Am I awful that I've got 50 quilts that I haven't finished? Probably a little bit. I'm not going to let it bother me and I'm going to work on the ones I want to and do it when I want to in the time that I want to, because enjoying it is the point for me now. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I love what you say there about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. They always say that on a plane, don't they? And I do think that is such a metaphor for life. You know, put the oxygen mask on yourself first, because if you can't, if you yourself are not whole, if your cup is not filled, you cannot give to anybody else properly.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and it's a cliche because it's true. You know. Know, cliches are cliches because everybody says them, because they are true. So you have got to fill yourself up in whatever way that is, and spirituality is a huge part of it for me, my faith is a huge part of it, and I have alternative things that I, you know, get enjoyment from and comfort from. Comfort's another really big thing. I don't think we've talked about that, but what's giving me comfort? Who's comforting me? And that, again, was a really big part of that discovery, because I lost the person who gave me the most comfort.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying my parents, don't my parents, absolutely do my family does my husband does, my kids do, but you, sometimes you need it in a different way and my nan gave it to me in a way that nobody else could. It's just impossible. I won't ever have that relationship with anybody else, ever again. I'm okay with it and I'm so grateful that I did. I'm so grateful I had that relationship with it. But what other things give me comfort? You know what? In what small ways can I glean comfort from something? And if that is me holding a crystal, that is me holding a crystal. And if that is somebody doing some stargazing, I'm trying to think what other things people might do, you know, or lighting a candle, or you know, and maybe people think that's weird, just sitting in a room lighting a candle and looking at the flame, but great if that makes you feel at peace. You're not hurting anybody. You know, and I think sometimes there's an association with things that are spiritual or mystical. You know, and I think sometimes there's an association with things that are spiritual or mystical, that they're evil and that probably all stems from, you know, various religions and I am a religious person, so I'm not saying that in a derogatory way. But if, if somebody is doing something, it's not hurting anybody else and it's giving them some joy or some peace or some comfort. Let it. Let it be.
Speaker 2:Um, a crystal may have very similar properties to a pebble that you find on the beach. I mean, physically they have different properties, but if robbing a stone, you know you don't have to go and buy a 50 pound amethyst, you can go and get a pebble from the beach. So there are different ways of kind of experiencing those things, and haven't we all been in that? I think maybe this is just me and it's weird, but when you go to the seaside or somewhere or you go out into a park and you find like a really nice twig or a really nice stone or shell or something and you feel like it somehow speaks to you and it's like meant to be yours, that's something that might seem very strange to somebody else, it you know, but it works for me.
Speaker 2:So let people have the thing and find the thing. If you don't have one, find one. You know, read some books, look into things, do what makes you feel good, and sometimes that's things from your childhood and that's so lovely, how lovely to have something and that can give me comfort holding a stone. It sounds bonkers, but it works for me yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:you know, we went to the beach, uh, recently and my husband, um, was walking along and he picked up five stones on his travels and he was with Maddy, our daughter, and he said I'm going to give one to mom. He said which one do you think she would like? Because I'm going to choose one. And he chose a stone. She agreed and said that's the best one she would like. And it wasn't like he picked a pink one in five brown ones. I mean, they were all pretty similar, but it just, you know, they all had little different markings and they felt different. And then they walked over to me and said here are five stones. We've picked one for you out of them. Which one was it? And I picked the same stone. Isn't that amazing? And they said we knew, we just knew. And I said I know.
Speaker 1:And now, as you say, that stone sits on my desk. I've also got a vase full of feathers, because I went through a period of oh, if I find a feather, that's a message for me. And I found black ones. If that's sitting and looking at a candle, and I think when we say the word meditation, people think you have to be wearing yoga pants to a cross-legged position in a beautiful home with several candles and the essence of woo-woo-woo-woo burning you don't.
Speaker 2:You can if you want. You can if you want. I have never been able to do that. I can't. I can meditate. I understand the principles of meditation. I don't enjoy it. It doesn't do for me what it seems to do for other people and I know it is a discipline and I know it's something that you work at and it's something to be taken very seriously, but it just, in my core, does not fulfill me in the way I would hope that it had.
Speaker 2:But sitting in silence does, and so I can just sit in silence and maybe that is meditation, maybe it isn't, but you know, I can be sitting in silence doing something. I could be sewing, I could be, I could be still be doing something, but that to me, is meditative. If I have to sit and try to meditate, it just doesn't work. And guided meditations although I have done some about being present and I've gone for a walk and listened to them at the same time, that was the best way I could experience them because I was doing something, I was being active when I was doing it. So that did help me when I was depressed, actually, and I'd get out with my son and I would listen, listen to that time away from screens, which I just sound like the most teenage mom ever, but time away from screens, time away from external stuff coming at you just makes such a huge difference. Even 10 minutes, I swear it can like reset your brain in, so at least it can for me yeah, I think being quiet.
Speaker 1:But I think the main thing is to listen, um and to to feel. There are so many people who push these voices down, who you know. They have all these worries, they push it down. They push it down try and protect and it's not going to go anywhere. It's just going to get bigger and bigger and louder.
Speaker 1:You have to face your issues, face your problems, face your demons, you know. Face your behaviors. I think it's like addiction. You know, if you have got bad behavioral things, you have to face them and find out where they're coming from. Is it because you need validation from people, because you feel empty? So why are you acting like that? And then you have to work on it, and it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work, but when you've done it, it is amazing how your life will transform. Which brings me to you, lucy. How has your life transformed now, then? From when you were, as we say, you were in quite a dark place. I know you were because I talked to you during those times. I think a lot of people were, as you said, in that three-year period. Janet Clare described it the other day as a nightmare that she still hasn't got over, but you know, from three years ago or four years ago, from when I first met you to now, what is the transformative period or effect? How have you transformed Lucy?
Speaker 2:In some ways not at all, because I don't know that I am any different at the core of my being right, I'm happier, I'm happier, and it was like a reset, you know. And then the worst thing happened, the worst thing that could happen. Personally, I mean, there are lots more awful things I'm sure really could happen, but what, for my whole life, had you know before I'd had children, what was the worst thing that could happen happened? You carry on living and then it becomes what other good things are there and those you know. All of those memories are so important and I think just realising the phase of life that I'm in as well has been quite liberating. I'm going through a lot of changes.
Speaker 2:I'm mad, hormonal you know, hairy, whatever all of that, what can I just?
Speaker 1:say there, lucy, there was a slight pause there and you said I whatever all of that, what can I just say? There, lucy? There was a slight pause there and you said I'm mad hot. And there was a pause in the thing.
Speaker 2:I thought you were going to say I'm mad, hot, that's never changed, that's forever. I've got three kids. Come on, yeah, yeah, oh man, I've got three kids. Come on, yeah, yeah, oh no, yeah, sorry. Oh, I have to tell you a funny story.
Speaker 2:When I had Fred, we had I was renting somewhere and then we moved into the house that we're in now and, um, I had Fred, he was quite young and then, less than two years later, I had Joan and we'd gone somewhere, I don't know where. We'd gone, gone somewhere and stopped at a service station. So I had one very small toddler and a baby right and we were at the services and we're just sitting there something to eat. Fred was in like the high chair, joan was probably on one of us, don't remember, and you know we're eating away and this lady, I think, was cleaning and we just started chatting because I just talked to anyone who talked to me, and I don't know why, but we did. Anyway, we started chatting and she just went. Oh, look at you two. Do you not have a telly?
Speaker 2:and we didn't we didn't have a telly and we couldn't stop laughing. We were like no, we don't have a telly. So if you're having a dry season, turn your telly off. That's what I say.
Speaker 1:Get rid. So that is a whole other podcast right there Breaking the Blocks, how to create children. Turn the TV off. Yeah, you've lowered the tone right down, lucy, but that's why I wanted you on the podcast. You know we've got to give some light and shade. You know we've got people, you know, way up there and we got it right down in the gutter with Lucy. So you are, you are in a better place right now. I mean, and the thing is, lucy, you know you'll have another journey to go on as well, because I think are constantly evolving and I think if we're not constantly evolving, then we've got a problem, because you know your life is a journey and you have to keep evolving as you go on it, because everything is ever changing around you and you have to adapt to those changes. But I think, as you said, it's about having that core, which is the same. So, as you said in your I can't get you the word core now core, core, lucy.
Speaker 2:I do have that effect on people it is about having that core character.
Speaker 1:But I think, for me, lucy, I look at you and I think you've got strength, you've got that amazing character, you've got that willingness to learn, to be open, to be vulnerable, to listen, and those are all the elements that we need. The people who are not vulnerable, the people who don't listen to themselves, the people who won't change, don't want to change, yeah, people who won't change, don't want to change or, yeah, I think, won't change, don't want to change they are the ones who are going to have difficulties, because I do believe that we're sent situations to test us and if you don't get on the right path, eventually that's when everything falls to the ground.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's not even when you're being tested, it's when you're feeling comfortable, and it's not even when you're being tested. It's when you're feeling comfortable, and that's one of the big things that I've realized as well. I could stay doing something that feels very comfortable, but I'm not challenging myself. I don't have to challenge myself in some really awful massive way. I'm not going to do anything I don't want to do, but if I don't try, I'll never know what I could achieve or what difference I could make somewhere else, and I've been fortunate that I've not worked in jobs that I really didn't like. You know I've done things I didn't love, but you know I've always been quite lucky in that way. So my heart goes out to you. If you are in a job that you really, really hate, but then maybe you're there because you feel comfortable doing it and you know, and it's familiar to you and there's a routine in a way that's mundane and and that's you know it's okay if you're okay with it, but if you're really not liking it and it's causing negativity, then that's the time to make a change. Or if you're happy where you are and you're comfortable, but you're not experiencing any learning or development, then maybe you want to look at are there other places you could go or is there somewhere else you could be, or a different kind of job or career.
Speaker 2:And a lot of all of the learning I did myself I didn't have to pay for because there are grants that you can get. So if you're not financially stable or you're on a low income, you can get grants from a lot of these learning places and you can get the courses paid for. So you know, look into that. There are ways of doing things that don't cost loads of money and then if that brings you a bit more financial stability, maybe that's one less worry taken away. So it's just like little steps and little things that you could do and they're not. It's not easy. It's just like little steps and little things that you could do and they're not easy. It's not easy. It wasn't easy working full time and doing a course and being a parent. You know it was a lot, but I made myself do it because I knew if I was going to get the job you know, kind of going into a career that I wanted or do the job that I wanted to do the job that I wanted to do.
Speaker 2:I would have to sort of prove myself a little bit or just at least show that I was somebody who did want to self-develop. And it might not even be to do with your work, but you know, maybe somebody wants to learn a different craft, or learn a craft or learn you know how to play a particular instrument or things like that. You know, maybe there are places that loan instruments or you know, do play a particular instrument or things like that. You know, maybe there are places that loan instruments or, you know, do things at a discounted rate, depending on your financial circumstance, or whatever it may be, or maybe you could just, you know, reach out to your community and learn from somebody in your community. There are lots of ways of doing things, you know, that take some of those restrictions away and I think we can talk ourselves out of things for all kinds of reasons, and that's how you end up stuck and, and stuck can be comfortable and it can feel nice, but in terms of evolving yourself and knowing your self-worth and fulfilling your capabilities, it's maybe not, you know, it's not giving you as much as life could be if, if you reach out and and try and do some of those, some of those things you know, my dream is to be a singer in nashville. It's never gonna happen but you know, maybe I can go do some karaoke for fun. In my kitchen I am dolly part and that is just enough for me.
Speaker 2:So, little things, little steps, ways you can, ways you can, you know, fulfill your, fulfill yourself. You know, any any little thing that you can do I think is good. And each little step you take, you think, do you know what I did, that I did that, and if I did that, maybe I can do this and maybe you know I can achieve something else other than what I had. I mean, I have no plan, so it's difficult for me because I don't have a plan as such, but just being recognizing what options there are and and you're not limited, you know, whatever your circumstances, you're not limited. There are ways round things. It's speaking to the right people. A lot of times it sucks, but it's who you know and being part of your community, getting involved. Go to your library. Librarians know I didn't say that right.
Speaker 2:Librarians know everything you know. They know a lot about what's what's going on and if you're in a faith, you know people in your faith group in your um you know religious, uh, whatever they might be temples, churches, various things. You know all the all. Those people often come from whole different walks of life. You know, reach out to people, have conversations and see what, see what arises, volunteer. You don't want to work, volunteer part-time, volunteer, for half a day.
Speaker 2:You know, doing something different and challenging yourself as hard as it is can be really really good well, you challenged yourself today, lucy.
Speaker 1:You came on this breaking the blocks podcast because you said you don't like looking into a camera, and you did it. Yay me, did it, yay me, yay you go, you. I do think in all honesty, though you know, good for you, lucy, because you have done it, and actually it's been a lovely, lovely chat with you and I think you know you've provided some really good inspiration there for people to make those changes. As you say, it's about just starting and doing something, but you know, I love your little piece of advice, like picking up a pebble and then you remember that day, and that gives you some happiness. And what's really great as well, lucy, is that you know you are a person who has struggled with severe depression and anxiety, and I know a lot more than other people do about the last three years and what you've been through, and you have come through the other side, and I think that's good for people to hear as well, because there may be someone who's listening to this right now who, as I say, is laying on the bathroom floor. That reminds me of that Katy Perry song, and I think she wrote it when Russell Brand had dumped her and she talks about laying on the bathroom floor, and you know it's a really great.
Speaker 1:The lyrics are brilliant about how she you know what are the words, by the grace of God. I took a look in the mirror and decided today I was not going to be taken out that way. It's a brilliant song. It's a really, really, you know very strong song. But that's true. Look at yourself in the mirror. Nothing's going to take you out. You are going to move forward. Things are going to get better. They always do. I'm reminded of that other song by Bruce Springsteen, and it's a line that he repeats about eight times in a song. But it's so true because he says good times come and good times go. Good times come, good times go. And he says it like eight times because that's life, so you can change, you can move, you can grow, you can evolve and you can come through difficulties. So thank you so much, lucy. It's been an absolute joy, with some giggles along the way.
Speaker 2:You horny lady I'm gonna be known now. That's not bad, though. I'll take it. Thank you, rachel. Thank you so much. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for the tears and the laughs and the honesty and the realness of you. You are doing amazing and things are just growing and developing in a really, really good way. I feel that for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do as well. Good, I was just going to say I'm waiting and waiting now for the bad things to come in and challenge me, don't wait, I'll deal with it.
Speaker 2:You know what?
Speaker 2:It will come anyway. It will come when it's ready to come, don't anticipate it. Don't anticipate it, because it will. It's like you say the good and the bad. You know it just comes, and the bad thing could be tiny, the bad thing could be so small you don't even see it. So don't look for it. Just keep looking for the good, look for what you can do, look for what you can control, because any bad thing you can't control it anyway. That's what I've come to realize. You can't. We've only got so much control and we can control the good. We can control the good, we can't control the bad yeah, well, today has been good and we've controlled it.
Speaker 1:Well, we haven't controlled ourselves quite fully, um, but uh, yeah, it's been lovely. So thank you, my love. Have the rest of a wonderful day.
Speaker 1:Please go and turn on the television if your husband's okay, absolutely not just before you go, lovely listener, can I ask you a favor if you have a friend who you think Absolutely not minutes of relaxing time for themselves. The second thing to say is that, if you have enjoyed this, it would really help me if you would give me a little quick like or a comment, especially if you're listening on one of the podcast platforms. It just means that when anybody lands on the page, they can see that people have reviewed it, they've liked it, enjoyed it and got something out of it. So if you wouldn't mind leaving me a review, that would be amazing. And the final thing to say is that if you are a business and you're thinking how do I get my message out there, well, you could do it on this podcast. All you have to do is reach out to me. Rachel at breakingtheblockscom. The details are below in the box. Thank you so much to everybody for listening and enjoying and saying the lovely things that you're saying.
