Breaking the Blocks
Hi!
Thanks for stopping by! Life is tough, and I think this podcast might offer you some relief. My aim? To inspire you to overcome some of your own blocks through the inspirational, honest, and at times, downright raw conversations with some wonderful guests, not huge celebrities, regular people like you and I. Let’s see how they have overcome the difficulties in their lives and offer you some advice and more importantly hope.
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Breaking the Blocks
Empathy and Inclusion: Ian Garland's Creative Journey and Advocacy for Change
Join us on Breaking the Blocks as Rachel Pierman welcomes Ian Garland, a charismatic quilter with a thriving YouTube community and a passion for fostering understanding through creativity. Ian shares his journey from Texas to Washington, seeking safer and more inclusive spaces for the LGBTQ community. Alongside his new podcast, Sew Off Kilter, co-hosted with Sew Becca, Ian explores the power of art to unite people and nurture personal growth, revealing how his own experiences in crafting have shaped his beliefs and relationships.
Our conversation takes a thoughtful turn as Ian delves into the unique challenges faced by marginalized communities amidst political shifts and legislative threats. Reflecting on the anxiety surrounding marriage equality and the persistent fight for basic human rights, we discuss the importance of empathy, gratitude, and forgiveness in navigating a world often marked by anger and frustration. Ian's insights encourage listeners to prioritize self-care and personal well-being while advocating for a more inclusive society that learns from its past rather than repeating its mistakes.
As we wrap up, creativity emerges as a vital outlet for vulnerability and self-expression, with Ian emphasizing the importance of preserving arts programs in schools to foster a well-rounded society. Through heartfelt stories of protest quilting and personal encounters with art's transformative power, Ian invites us to embrace change and compassion in our interactions. Tune in to discover how creativity can inspire hope and connection, leaving you with a renewed sense of empathy in your own life journey.
Follow Ian on Instagram: @offkiltercrafterian
and the same handle on YouTube
Well, hello and welcome back to another episode of Breaking the Blocks. I'm your host, rachel Pym, and it is lovely to have your company Now. If you're a regular listener of Breaking the Blocks, you'll know that I've had some pretty big names here on the show. But I never wanted this show to be about trying to grab attention with people with huge followings. It was always supposed to be about human stories, because that's what connects us all. So when I approached my next guest, ian Garland, he was quite surprised. At the time. He was a student in a Crafty Monkeys class and I just loved his energy. He'd said a few things about his life and I thought he'd be interesting to interview. It turns out that Ian has actually got a very big following on his YouTube channel and he's been quilting for a long time. So if you want to pop along and have a look at Ian's work, you can, because he has, as I say, that fantastic YouTube channel and, of course, he's on Instagram. The details of how you can follow him are in the box below.
Speaker 1:Ian and I had a wonderful conversation that just meandered through a variety of different subjects. What followed here was quite a deep and meaningful conversation about our parents, about our different beliefs and how that can actually divide families and end friendships. We talked about the recent election in America and what that meant for Ian as a gay man. So sit back and relax and I hope that once again, you'll take something from the podcast, even if it's just a little snippet of advice, that will help you on your own life path. Oh well, here we are for another episode of the podcast. Welcome, mr Ian Garland. I feel like there should be applause there for you, my love, I do.
Speaker 2:I can do my own applause. How about that? Does that work?
Speaker 1:That works for me and I love your t-shirt. If anybody is not watching on YouTube and they're listening on the podcast platform, they won't know, so let me describe it. It says empathy rocks, and you know what in this world, ian, I think you are right. Empathy absolutely rocks, and yet there is so little empathy.
Speaker 2:There needs to be more empathy in this world and it's so important to me to have empathy and, like this shirt is one of my favorites. You'll constantly see it on my YouTube channel because I want to remind people how much empathy rocks.
Speaker 1:Well, I love that about you already and for anybody listening, you've just mentioned there your YouTube channel. Let's tell people who you are straight away. Ian, because the way I know you is, you came into a Crafty Monkeys quilting class and you're with your friend, leo, who I'm also going to get in the podcast, and I loved you too because you were, just for a start, loving the class. I kept looking across and seeing your big smiles and you were so happy and you were very interactive with lots of chats and things and I just I got this great energy from you. And then we were talking about the podcast and I can't remember how it happened, but I think I just said do you want to come on the podcast? And you were like that would be amazing. And then I discovered that you've got this really big YouTube following. I mean.
Speaker 1:I just thought no disrespect, I thought you were a student in the class just starting out in quilting. No, it turns out you've been doing this a long time. You've got this fantastic YouTube channel. You've just launched a podcast with Sew Becca, so come on, tell us about it, ian. Where can we find you? First of all, on Instagram.
Speaker 2:Instagram offkiltercrafterian. There you go.
Speaker 1:And the podcast is called.
Speaker 2:Podcast is called Sew Off Kilter because it's a combination of Sew Becca and Off Kilter Crafter Ian. We both have a kind of tell it like. It is kind of personalities, and we don't really we filter, but we don't like we're not holding stuff back from our audience and so we want to make sure that we're true and authentic and that's what you're going to get when you listen to the so off kilter podcast. And we are so excited because, as of the recording of this, we now have four episodes out and it has been a smash success. Everybody's been making it just amazing and we're trying to figure out, we're trying. I need to talk to you and figure out how do I do this podcasting thing, because we we've just got it on YouTube right now, but we're trying to get it out to you know, spotify and Apple podcasts and all all the things.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can tell you how to do that. It's actually quite easy. I was the same as you a year ago. I was like I'm going to do a podcast and then I Googled how do you do a podcast? I mean clue. But I can tell you all of that. It's fine, and can you please, can I please come on your podcast and you can put me on a little zoom window in the corner and I can hang out with you guys because it looks like a lot of fun we're getting there.
Speaker 2:But yeah, we'd love to have you on.
Speaker 1:I promise you that okay well, I shall come along, um, but if people do, if they do come on to your to listen to your podcast, what are they gonna get? I mean, I know they're gonna get unfil conversations, but do you talk about sewing? Do you talk about life? Do you talk about both things? What do you talk about?
Speaker 2:We talk about both. To be honest, our podcast is focused on sewing. Like that's a common thread between Becca and myself. We both have YouTube channels, but we both sew and quilt and all that kind of stuff, so a lot of times we're talking about quilting. We always also love hearing from everybody as well. We've gotten some amazing comments because we always try to, in each episode, reach out and be like tell us your experience, tell us what you experienced. Or in this latest episode, we talk about losing the muse and you know what do you do to get your Sojo back, and so people have been leaving great ideas and tips for how to get your sojo back when you lose it.
Speaker 1:That's brilliant. That's so good because, funnily enough, a friend of mine, Benjamin, he saw my podcast episode go out yesterday and he messaged me and said I'm going to watch that because I've lost my mojo. And I was like, look, don't worry, it will come back. And he said I look at everything and I think it's rubbish. And I said, well, it won't be rubbish. And so I mean, in terms of his own work, it looks that way. And he said I've just lost my way. So things like that are brilliant.
Speaker 1:So, okay, we will check out the podcast on YouTube. I'll put all the details in the description box below. But let's talk about you then, Ian, because for a start, can I just say that I do love the handle on Instagram, the name of the class. I don't know if it has the same meaning in America, but over here in England when you say you're off kilter. I didn't look for the definition of this, but in my sort of life history I feel like off kilter means slightly off the path, slightly off to one side, slightly, not quite working on full cylinders, but in a complimentary way. Yes, so is. Is that? Is that you? Is that why you called it that?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, 100%. That is exactly why my brand is the Off-Kilter Crafter Ian, because I'm off the wall, I am not working on the level. It is definitely a part of my brand and definitely see things a little differently. Definitely see things a little differently and I'm not the uptight pearl clutching quilter. That is kind of the stereotype you might think about when you think about quilting, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:Um, I think you're right, I think actually, yeah, I think the word crazy, I don't know we years ago it wouldn't have had any connotations, but I think now it it probably does. So I think you have to be careful, don't you, with things. Um, but I, I love offter. I think it's really clever and, as I say, for me, as soon as I saw it I thought, okay, there's something behind this. So do you feel, ian, that as a child, you were always a little bit off the wall? And if you felt that way little bit off the wall and if you felt that way, was that in a positive light? Or did you feel in your life that you didn't fit in and you were always looking for your tribe? I know that's a lot of questions in one.
Speaker 2:That is a lot of questions. I didn't realize I was going to therapy today.
Speaker 1:And I don't charge you. I don't charge you for this Right exactly.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I I've always been, I've always had a very big imagination. I feel like even even today, I feel like a lot of times, adults kind of lose perspective on their imagination. I've worked in education and public education and in those kind of fields for a long time. I was actually in the science museum industry for over 19 years, and so I've always enjoyed being able to work with adults. The kids are great, you know. You see their imagination flying left and right. It's amazing. Adults kind of start putting themselves in these boxes left and right. It's amazing. Adults kind of start putting themselves in these boxes and I kept trying to like pull them out of it and be like guys, you have an imagination, because they're like, oh, I'm not very imaginative, or oh, I don't like I'm not very creative, and it's like no, no, you are you are you just?
Speaker 2:you just forgot how to, how to kind of release that or you're creative in a different way. I've always had a big imagination. I've always enjoyed being whimsical. I enjoyed, like, the Tim Burton side of the world of Nightmare Before Christmas and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:So I think part of my my like outside the box thinking and my creative thinking I'm dyslexic and so I've had problems with English writing, you know, spelling, all those kinds of things, and I feel like that with being dyslexic, like it has unlocked this weird part of my brain that allows me to be more creative or allows me to think more creative. I don't know exactly like how that works I've read on dyslexia but I just feel like there's there's some wires wired differently which has somehow enabled me to unlock my creativity and my creative thought a little bit better. I don't know. I maybe, maybe if there's a doctor or a scientist listening to your podcast, they'll, they'll be like well, it's because of this, this and this, and I'll be like great, perfect. But I feel like that's really what's helped to unlock my creativity and just like allowed me to be as creative and funny as I am, although most of the time my funniness comes out of awkwardness.
Speaker 1:I guess, and where's the awkwardness come from?
Speaker 2:Uh, yeah, that's just me. I'm just, I'm just awkward sometimes. I don't know how to. Social situations are fun for sure, but like, sometimes I just don't know how to respond. I'm like uh, it's social cues and stuff. Sometimes I miss them.
Speaker 1:And this reminds me of an episode of friends where Monica, whenever she got bad news, would smile yeah, and do you remember? The friends noticed it and said how can you stand there and grin when someone is just saying that some bad news? And she said I don't know, it's just a thing that I do.
Speaker 2:I have noticed I've. I did theater for 10 to 11 years community theater, um. I was a lighting designer and a light board operator and we were doing a show and I can't remember what the name of the show was at this moment, but the final scene was very heavy and dark and at the very end there was the main, one of the main characters on, alive themselves, and the buildup to it was very dark and very like heavy. You would hear it happen. The audience would start laughing many nights and the technicians, you know, we're all on headsets with each other. We're going. What is happening? What is happening? We slowly started to realize that it was such a nervous laughter like people were getting so incredibly nervous and uncomfortable. This is just one of those uncontrollable reactions.
Speaker 1:It's like it goes too deep and they have to stop it. So the reaction is to do something opposite. So with you, ian, do you think any of your awkwardness and your kind of? You know, maybe you laugh in the wrong times or, as you said, your social interactions that are not quite right is that coming from a place of being uncomfortable, being not allowing yourself to be vulnerable in that moment?
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't. I don't see that as something that I don't. I barely know you, but I don't see you as somebody who would struggle with vulnerability, but I don't know where. Where does that come from with you?
Speaker 2:yeah, I, I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't think it's so much vulnerability, I think it's um, I really feel like a lot of times it's uh, with the dyslexia.
Speaker 2:I feel like there's an audio processing thing going on because, like there's so many times that people will say a sentence or say a statement to me and I'll immediately like not process it correctly. So the immediate reaction is, huh, and I'll ask them to repeat what they said and then, two seconds into repeating it, it'll click and I'll get it and be like, oh right, and I'll usually interrupt them when they're repeating it back. But I think a lot of times, like I'm not able to process what is being said quick enough and and people you know are standing there waiting for your response, and so it's, it's that awkwardness comes from that disconnect that's happening as I'm waiting, as I'm processing and trying to figure out, and I also it's also I don't want to like, I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I want every interaction that I'm having with somebody to be genuine and special and know that I'm connecting with them and I'm. I see them, I hear them.
Speaker 1:It's interesting. You said there about you want this person to have a good experience and you want this person to have a good experience, and it's still very much about it being a conversation between the two of you, so you want it to be an authentic conversation. You're not people pleasing, I'm just. I'm putting sort of pieces together here, like when you said about the social awkwardness, and then kind of laughing at the wrong moment. And then your brain. It's interesting with dyslexia, because I've only ever thought about dyslexia as something with the writing. But, as you say, it's like your brain is also processing when people are talking. So you've got that. That comes into interactions. Are you kind to yourself? Do you give yourself time, or do you find that you're always giving to other people, which then can be quite draining giving to other?
Speaker 2:people, which then can be quite draining, For sure. And am I always kind to myself? No, for sure not. Let's be honest, how many of us are kind to ourselves? That is, I think, that is like ever since 2020, I think we've really brought that into perspective for ourselves and realized how unkind we are to ourselves and how much we burden ourselves with so many things across the entire spectrum.
Speaker 2:I love talking to everybody, I love making friends, I love being social, but there are definitely times that I need that off switch to be flipped and I need to go back and be by myself or in my close group of friends and just have the me time and be able to recharge that soulful battery and be able to have that time to myself. I think that's really, really important for everyone to kind of realize where they are on that spectrum. Yeah, I definitely take time for me. I find time to do my own sewing projects and just not be on social media. I want to take that time for me and enjoy those projects for me. And you know, yeah, it doesn't push my channel or my social media out further, but I am willing to sacrifice that to give myself space and time.
Speaker 1:That's really good and it's very healthy, you know, because it can be so easy to feel that pressure of social media. And I'm with you, I could do so much more. I look at some people on social media and they're out there every day, reels and and talking to the camera and selling this and doing this, and I think, oh, with my company I could be, I could be doing a reel for this and a reel for that and jumping to this. I just think I haven't got the energy for it. And right, I think sometimes you, you, just as you say, you have to enjoy your life. So that's a really healthy, a healthy way. So you've obviously got this um drive to to learn. You moved from texas to washington. Why did that happen? What was that? What was that change for?
Speaker 2:I. I was done with texas. I was done with texas. I lived in texas for 38 years my entire life. I lived in Texas for 38 years my entire life. I lived in the same city for the entirety of my life and I needed a new perspective. I needed a new change. I needed a new everything, and so an opportunity became available for me to move out here to Northern Virginia, dc, and I absolutely said let's, let's do this and it was the best decision and it's it's been wonderful to see a new part of the world, see a new perspective.
Speaker 2:One of the biggest things was I was really starting to get uncomfortable in Texas with the politics and I was getting to a place that I was not feeling safe anymore. I had a welcome sign on my apartment door that had the progress pride flag on it. As we were getting deeper and deeper into 2024, I was starting to question whether or not I needed to take that down, and you know things like that. It was just starting to not feel safe where I was at and I needed to get to a place that was going to be safer and more welcoming of the LGBTQ community welcoming of the LGBTQ community. So I hate that I had to leave my friends in Texas, but I am really happy that I have made the decision to move.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's delve a little bit more into this, actually the whole, as you say, the politics, and because I know you've got family issues with regard- to politics as well.
Speaker 1:You know. We know now what's happened in the election, but I want to talk about it from your perspective, and the reason I want to talk about it is because you said something to me. Since he has come into power, I do feel quite fearful for myself, and some of my friends feel very frightened, and this really stuck with me in my mind because because let me just relate it to Brexit over here, there were some people who voted for Brexit because the headlines were we want our country back, and what they meant by that was that they didn't want Europeans living here.
Speaker 1:That was the reason. So I guess with Trump, there is definitely an area of society people who are voting for Trump, who are in line with his values that they don't want to see the progression of rights for people with different sexual orientations. It's the undercurrent Some people who have voted for him who believe, well, now he's got into power, this is how we should all behave. Can we talk about that fear and what it feels like for you living with that around you?
Speaker 2:with that around you. Yeah, it's hard. It's really really hard. I remember being on the train. I used to take the train into work.
Speaker 2:Obergefell happened, the verdict came in from the Supreme Court and marriage equality was now legal across the country. I was honestly scared in that moment that the Supreme Court was going to like not go in our favor in the LGBTQ favor. And so my friend text me and was like, oh my gosh, they've released their, their opinion. And I was like I, I'm too scared to look, I don't want to look. And she's like no dude, y'all won, and it was. It was. I was like, oh my gosh, like I, I, I teared up on the train because I was like, oh my gosh, this is, this is the beginning. This is the beginning of so many great things to come and just like feeling accepted and and recognized and seen and just all the things.
Speaker 2:And then here we are in 2024 and the election has happened and and there are so many anti-trans, anti-lgbt laws, legislation, everything coming out from so many states. It's just so hard to continue to hear that day after day after day. I'm so tired of fighting, I'm so tired of having to fight just to have equal rights, you know. And so it's really hard to feel that undercurrent and it's just so hard to hear that a majority of the voting public agrees with that. And it's also hard to hear because the argument that I hear frequently is oh well, they've said that they want to do that, but they're not really going to do that.
Speaker 2:I heard that about Roe versus Wade and everything you know. Oh, that's settled law, it'll never, it'll never change. And you know we kept bringing up the alarm bells saying, look, there's a problem, this, this could happen, this, you know, hopefully it won't, let's, let's, let's hope for the best. But like, there are mechanisms in place that are working towards taking that away. And you know it was hard being told oh, you're just, you're just being dramatic, you're just being dramatic, that'll never happen. Calm down. Like settled law, no, and then it did. They're doing the same thing again with Obergefell saying, oh, nothing will change. One of our Supreme Court judges has targeted it and said, yeah, I want to roll that back. So I don't know, I feel like I'm talking in circles, but it's just hard to continuously be told from lawmakers, from the people that make decisions for this country, that I don't matter, I don't deserve rights and that I just need to be quiet.
Speaker 1:I think the most depressing thing is that, as you say, it felt progressive in terms of like things were moving forwards and it's a great word that you used as well is that you just want equal rights, and why shouldn't you have them? Because you are a human being. I don't understand. I don't understand why things can't be progressive, why we can't begin accepting each other as just human beings.
Speaker 2:I had a conversation with my mom about like Ro being overturned. I have empathy for people and I try to put myself in other people's shoes and it's so. It was so hard for me to hear her say those things of Ro will never be overturned. You're being dramatic and like trying to understand where she was coming from in her thought process of it. It's crazy to me. We are living in a world right now where women are less than LGBTQ is less than Marginalized groups are less than lgbtq is less than marginalized groups are less than and I don't, it doesn't. I don't understand it. I don't. I don't understand it because I we should all be equal. We should all have the same rights. Nobody's asking for more rights than anybody else Equality.
Speaker 2:It's just equality.
Speaker 1:I think, particularly when it comes to marriage rights, because, as I say, quite often we meet someone we want to go down the marriage route, for whatever reason that is, whether that's because some people feel they want to have a child and they feel it's best to be married first and have the child. People feel they want to have a child and they feel it's best to be married first and have the child. Some people don't want to have children, but they just want to be married and they want to declare in front of a crowd of their friends and family I want to be with this person for the rest of my life and I want to marry and commit to you. There are so many reasons to get married. Why should it be that a certain section of society are not given those rights? Why is that? I can't comprehend what the reason is.
Speaker 1:Life is a series of adventures and learnings. We should be constantly trying to learn, and that's progressive, that's going forwards. We shouldn't be going back into the past. If you ever go back and you repeat the same lesson from the past, it usually always ends up in the same way. The reason that you left it in the past is because it didn't work, so why go back and redo it again?
Speaker 2:I also don't think it's terrible to learn about all the different religions, cultures, everything around the world, like we are such a diverse species across the entire globe and we have this one globe that we share together and again, it boggles my mind that people want to fight about so many different things and yet we are all such beautiful people and cultures and so many wonderful foods there's so many good foods around the world and, like I, I enjoy when something comes on TV and I see a different culture and their celebrations, their dance, their you know whatever they're doing. Scrolling through TikTok, I'll see people from the Middle East celebrating a wedding or you know some kind of celebration, and I always like I want to learn more about it. I have an insatiable appetite for knowledge. I always said that I want to learn more. I want to know why it works, how it works, when it works. Like all the all the W questions, I want to know everything about it and so, like when I see people in a different culture celebrating or dancing or you know anything, I'm like I want to know more. Tell me more.
Speaker 2:What is happening, why, why, where did this come from? Where did this? Where did this? Uh, um, where did this start? How did this tradition start? And all that so.
Speaker 1:But you know, I think the problem is, I think a lot of people where the kind of judgmental thing comes from, where people want people to be like them, is it comes from fear. Yeah, it comes from fear of the unknown. It comes from fear of that person and different to you and what are they going to do to you and what are they going to? You know, this is where it comes from. I believe it's. It's that fear and and absolutely you're absolutely right what we need to be doing is what you're doing and what so many people are doing is learning about other cultures and learning about other people. I think, if we get over those fears, we would open ourself up to the world's possibilities. And and let's talk about your family, because you've actually had to cease communication with your auntie, haven't you, because of her beliefs. So what happened there?
Speaker 2:It just. It just got unhealthy for me. It just got to be in an unhealthy place, which is really sad because my aunt is the one that actually I did my first quilt with. She was the one that kind of got me into quilting. She kind of started me on this quilting and sewing path. So it sucks that I have gone. No contact with her. I really miss her. To be genuinely honest with you, I miss her.
Speaker 2:There's so many times that I'll finish a quilt or project and I will want to um, send her a photo of it and then I remind myself all right, like we're not talking, where we're, I'm no, I'm no contact. It just got to be too much. It just got to be too much and I felt it best for my personal mental health If I stepped back and stepped away. We were fighting all the time on politics and it just got to be too much. Where I needed to take a step back.
Speaker 2:I was also working with my therapist on, because I wasn't good with boundaries and once he and I started working on these things, I started learning how to build boundaries and put them in place and be able to stand on them and say this is, this is the boundary. Putting up the boundary for me was super helpful because I felt like I was coming back to the table each time something would happen between me and my mom, me and my aunt. It always felt like to me that they were never willing to come back as well, and I think that's so important to remind ourselves like we can come back to the table all the time, but we can't control what other people are doing. We can only put so much energy into it. We need to have that energy reciprocated and if we're not, that's not healthy.
Speaker 1:And you can't fix people. You can't fix people and I've tried to do that. I've tried to do that on so many occasions because you know friends have said oh, you're so good with your words and advice and I have tried to fix people. And you realize that unless they are willing to do the work, they are not going to fix themselves a blindfold on. Yeah, exactly, look at anything, exactly.
Speaker 2:that was something that my therapist and I worked on and it was it when it was kind of like and that's like, really I like that a lot. I like coming to the table with a blindfold on that. I'm gonna have to remember that one.
Speaker 1:That's, that's good, that's and I only just thought of that. I only just thought of that, but that's what it feels like it feels like someone comes and sits with you, but and they probably have earmuffs on as well and they go. I'm here, yeah, but you're not listening and you're not looking, but I'm here exactly.
Speaker 2:So, man, that's good, you should you should start charging for these sessions this is great yeah, I felt it best for my mental health to step back, put, put that boundary in, and both my mom and my aunt don't like that.
Speaker 2:I have a boundary up with them. But it's best for me and I know that and it can be kind of hard to to deal with that sometimes. But I know what I'm doing, I believe what I'm doing is right and in my best interest, even though it hurts. Because you know, we're always told that family should be like the most important thing to everybody. And I found my chosen family and they helped me through being able to realize that my chosen family can be just as strong, if not stronger, than my actual family. And so you know, for people listening out there they're struggling with like, but their family, which is the excuse I kept saying over and over again, but their family, it's about your chosen family. You get to choose the family that you have and if your blood family is not healthy for you, find the family that is healthy for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if something is hurting you? Again and again, as you said, you went back and you tried, and you tried and you tried, but you kept getting the same result. You have to just protect yourself, don't you?
Speaker 2:I take full responsibility. Like I said some terrible things. I said some hurtful things. I shouldn't have you. It is because I realized how unhealthy that was for me to be saying and doing. You know, saying those things, and I think it's important to realize not only is the boundary to protect yourself from others, but it's also to protect yourself from hurting others as well, if that kind of makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think as well there is something to be said for enabling that behavior in someone. So if you don't put up that boundary because you feel, oh, I'm being cruel by walking away from this person, but if you stay with that person and you enable their behavior, that's not helping them either. That's not helping anybody. It's not helping anybody, it's hurting you, but it's hurting them because it's allowing their behavior to stay the same. You see, this all comes around full circle. Again to what we've been talking about is acceptance acceptance of other people, learning about other people, dropping the fear. And this is what's happening in so many families across america because of the political divides that families are breaking apart, but also in the UK. It happened with Brexit.
Speaker 2:I feel like a lot of people in this election were going to have the moments of I didn't realize what I voted for.
Speaker 1:I mean, I firmly believe in the planetary alignments and what's going on in this world.
Speaker 1:Believe in in the planetary alignments and what's going on in this world and at the moment now, pluto is moving into Aquarius and this is not going to happen until 2040 something, and this now is supposed to be.
Speaker 1:We've all been this huge karmic cycle for the last however many years 16, 20 years and now we're supposed to be coming together, learning from our past mistakes and becoming less judgmental. This is supposed to be a time learning from our past mistakes and becoming less judgmental. This is supposed to be a time, now, where we should be doing this and I wonder if anything will change going forwards. I wonder, as you've said, maybe people will realize oh dear, I didn't know what I was voting for, and that might be the catalyst for change, because people might start to fight against the system. I don't know. I don't know. It's going to be a very interesting time, I think, for everybody, because we cannot go on as we are being so judgmental and so angry. I feel that society is just becoming angry and vitriolic against each other and that is very difficult to deal with.
Speaker 2:Because anger sells. Anger sells like it makes money for social media. It makes money for so many different different outlets. There are a lot of institutions and things that want the anger because it's it's keeps people on their phones, it keeps people engaged, it keeps people seeing the ads, it keeps people, you know, doing all the things that create money for them. The rage bait that is happening right now is so hard to see because it's I don't want to say it's artificial, but like it's definitely it doesn't need to be there if that makes sense, like it could definitely not be there and we could be a lot happier people.
Speaker 2:I feel like I definitely am going to continue living my life as an empath. I definitely feel like I'm a strong empath and I'm going to keep. I'm going to keep going with that feel like I'm a strong empath and I'm going to keep. I'm going to keep going with that. I don't know where my life is going to take me and that's kind of. That's kind of the thrill of life is not knowing where, where it's going to take you, and just trying to embrace every change, every direction and trying to find even if it doesn't feel like it's a good thing, trying to find the good that is there and remind yourself of the good that is there.
Speaker 2:There have been many times in my life that things happened outside of my control, that felt heavy and terrible and just like the end of the world, and then, nine times out of 10, something amazing would be born from that, and it just. It amazes me Like I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. It truly, truly is. One of my like strongest beliefs is that everything does happen for a reason. You may not know what that reason is. It may suck, but something we need to learn a lesson. We need to get a new perspective. We need to. There's something that we need to learn or gain by that experience. There's something that we need to learn or gain by that experience and it may be painful, but it's going to bring us to a much better place on the other side, and I feel like we may be staring down the barrel of some really not great times ahead, but I'm sure that I'm going to learn valuable lessons, I'm going to get valuable experience and it's going to help me moving forward.
Speaker 1:I wrote in my newsletter this Friday. It was obviously when people hear this, they might think it's not Thanksgiving, it's January or whatever, but at this point it's Thanksgiving weekend or next weekend. So I wrote in my newsletter about what it means to give thanks and I said you know, thank you to you lovely people for reading this newsletter. But I said you've also got to give thanks to the people who have been really horrible to you. And I said in the newsletter you might be saying, say what now, rachel? But you have to say thank you because you have to live in gratitude in your life, I think in general. But those people will have taught you something, don't go back, don't go back for more.
Speaker 1:But when something has happened like that, first of all, if you sit in anger and bitterness while you're only hurting yourself, you have to let it go, because you're just going to be angry in the rest of your life. So you have to let that go. That's where the forgiveness thing comes in, isn't it? You're not forgiving that person for them. You don't need to say to them that you forgive them, but in your mind you think I forgive you because I want to let go of this burden, I want to let go of this story. I just want to let go of this story. I just want to move on with my life. So I forgive you Off you go.
Speaker 1:But also, you have to be thankful because that will have taught you something. That person will have given you a lesson that if you take that lesson on board and you look at it in a positive way and you don't repeat that lesson, you will be able to move forward in a more positive way. So, absolutely, I think you're right, I think everybody is there, I think absolutely. Everything happens for a reason. We all teach each other things, we all learn things, and that's what this life is about. And that brings it back to what we're saying about life should be progressive. It should be about improving our experience of life and going forward and meeting new people and eating new food and seeing new places.
Speaker 2:What I heard on TikTok is if everybody was nice and kind and pleasant, would we learn anything from that? And I'm not saying that people should be horrible I'm not saying that but it's very. It's an interesting thought to have of like there has to be villains for us to be able to learn from.
Speaker 1:It's so true, though, and so often it's that old phrase, isn't it? Hurt people, hurt people. People that hurt us are often battling their own traumas, their own inner wounds. I mean, yes, there are people who are born, I believe, psychopaths. In terms of the brain is not working properly and it's disconnected from the soul and from the heart, and they don't see things in the way that we see things. They have no human connection. But I think, a lot of the time when people you know lash out or they say things as, as we're saying, like with your auntie, maybe she's coming from a place of fear, maybe she's coming from a place of her own hurt, her own trauma Everybody comes from a place of that so that I think that helps us to forgive people.
Speaker 1:I saw this wonderful thing today, actually on Instagram, and it was a psychiatrist who said how do we heal the father wound? And that's been my thing in my life and it was fantastic the way he described it, because he said it comes from forgiveness. It comes from I'm very much summarizing and shorning here he said it comes from you realizing that your father at one point was a little boy and your father didn't get the love or the respect or the attention or the care that he needed as a little boy, which meant that he grew up to be the adult he was, who couldn't give you what you needed as a little girl or a little boy. And it's when you realize that and that's what I did, ian, I looked at my I know do you have a father wound? Do?
Speaker 2:you have a father wound. Whoa, this just took a turn.
Speaker 1:I saw my dad, who's no longer with us.
Speaker 1:I saw my dad as this little boy who was putting his arms out to my granddad who I know. My granddad discovered one of the first concentration camps and when he came back from war, my dad said he was never the same man, because he was like don't you dare complain or cry, because what I've just seen is nothing to what you're complaining about right now. So my dad never got the care and the love that he needed, and so he grew up to be a man who could not express his emotion and who couldn't let anything in.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So come on. What's the story with the dad?
Speaker 2:Sorry, my dad has also passed away. He passed away what is it? Uh, six, seven years ago I I think I'm really bad with dates, I can't remember and he wasn't a good father. He was not a good father. I actually I stood at his funeral because at his funeral so many people were getting up and saying what a wonderful man he was, that he saved them in X situation or Y situation, or he did X, y Z for them, or, like all these people were coming up and saying what a wonderful man he was, but he was a superhero to everybody but his own family. Um, but he was a superhero to everybody but his own family. There were a lot of things that were broken at home, uh, things that I and I'm speaking physically and emotionally listen to, all these wonderful things that he did, and I literally said in my speech like I wish I could have seen those things from him you know, because we didn't.
Speaker 2:We didn't get that. We didn't get that side of him. Unfortunately, and it's interesting too because I wasn't very close to him. We really didn't have we had a lot of things in common but we just like, as I grew older and as he grew older, we just kind of went our separate ways and he was just a guy like he was a guy. He happened to be my father and uh it. But it's been interesting because ever since his passing I feel like I've gotten closer to him. Strangely enough, I feel like I know more about him after death than I ever did when he was said and that like puts another perspective on his life and like it doesn't explain why he acted that way, but it helps put another perspective onto it for me to see and and understand that that may be, that may have been his reality yeah, and I I do think it's generational trauma I think.
Speaker 1:I think so many things we've talked about today has come from generational trauma. So we are all born, these little babies that turn into toddlers. We all want to learn so much about this world and we all think that everybody is equal and everybody is fair and everybody is kind. We start meeting people who hurt us, but those people, as I've just said, probably been hurt by their parents because their parents have been hurt by their parents, and that that's what happens. I believe that in every family there is a child who has to break that trauma, that ancestral trauma.
Speaker 2:And I'm really happy with millennials because I feel like I'm a millennial and I don't want children. I love my nieces and nephews so much. I love each and every one of them, but I don't want to have my own children. But I am so happy that my friends who are also millennials are are trying so hard to break that cycle and I feel like millennials are really starting down the path of being able to break that cycle with the next generation. We're never going to stop trauma. It's it happens no matter how hard we try our best to not be traumatic to our children. It's going to happen no matter what. But it has been really wonderful seeing millennials start the process of stopping what they can of that trauma, if that makes sense. I hope that makes sense. By the way, do you make everybody cry on your podcast? Am I just like?
Speaker 1:am I? Who was it? There was? There was Carl Brown said to me oh, he said cause he cried. And he said you like barbara walters, you're a bit younger than barbara, but yeah, he said, you're like barbara walters, you make everybody cry. I don't know I seem to hit a note somewhere was not expecting that.
Speaker 2:Wow, all right, I'm sorry no, it's it's. I mean, that's the thing is like I don't one't. Another thing that bothers me is this toxic masculinity and like not being allowed to cry and not like not not allowing men to cry. It is so important to have our emotions and and regulate them, of course, but it's so important to have them and feel them and understand them and feel them and understand them.
Speaker 1:That's why we all have tear ducts, that's why men and women both have tear ducts, and we have hearts and we have souls, and we have lives and experiences, and so it doesn't matter what is going on, you know, in various places, to make us into men and women. We're just meat puppets. We're these souls dancing around in meat puppets and you know, we're men, women or we could go through the whole roll call of different types of bodies and different sexualities and genders, and non-binaries, et cetera, et cetera. What I'm saying is that you know these skin things that we have on top of us, we're all just souls and so, yes, you're absolutely right, we should be allowed to express ourselves and cry, and nothing should be seen as any kind of weakness. In fact, I think that vulnerability and crying and being open and being authentic is the strongest thing you can be in your life, particularly if you've been hurt and you keep opening up, you are stronger than anybody.
Speaker 2:You're not weak I literally cry at every single disney movie. Every single disney movie, I cry. Am I going to be watching wicked when it, when it comes out on streaming? Absolutely am I going to be crying at the end of it. Big, big, huge, blubbering tears, a hundred. I love it, I love it.
Speaker 1:I can't so how do you think that, uh, creativity can sort of bring us together? Then what, or what? What does creativity do for you? What does your crafting do for you?
Speaker 2:it gives me an outlet. It gives me an outlet to express myself. But I love that QuiltCon brings out a lot of the protest quilting, if you will, um, the, the political statement quilts, the um, social commentary quilts, like there are so many quilts in the, in QuiltCon and across the country. I'm not just singling out QuiltCon, I think of that one specifically because of the best in show last year at QuiltCon and also some of the other quilts that were included in the show, especially Uvalde. Several quilts were involving Uvalde and the tragedy that happened there.
Speaker 2:I love that even in quilting there can be statements and this kind of protest that happens with it. So I think that art is super important because without art whether it be singing, dancing, musicals, music, painting, all the things like, it's so important because it brings so much color to our lives. I feel like it really does bring empathy to like. It really brings a perspective of empathy and a perspective of understanding, a perspective of curiosity, like really engaging that curiosity. And it pisses me off every time I see another school district cutting arts programs over sports. You know, I don't think that sports should be cut completely, but it's always the arts that go first, right, and I think we become a more well rounded society when we embrace the arts and make sure that they are taught just as much as sports or English or anything else in any other curriculum that schools have. It's so important to have all those things as well. I remember as a kid going to museums, field trips for museums, field trips for art museums, science museums, going to the ballet, going to see a musical, going to all these, being immersed in all these different art forms and opening up my curiosity of Ooh, that seems fun. I want to try that.
Speaker 2:You know, um, I was never good at drawing or painting. Like I would draw a bird and it would somehow come out to look like an armadillo. Um, like, just, I can't do it. I can't do drawing and painting. That just doesn't work for me. I can't do drawing and painting. That just doesn't work for me. And that's why sewing and quilting is so important to me, because I feel like I have a really I have a talent for finding the right color palette, finding the right pattern, finding, you know, doing the right things.
Speaker 2:When I was a lining designer, it was great because it was, in a way, it was kind of like painting for me, because I was literally painting my sets and my actors with the light that I was using and I enjoyed playing games with my lighting too and like there was one specific color that I would try and use in every single show, no matter where it was. I would always have at least every single show, no matter where it was. Like I would always have at least one light with that specific color, because I loved it. It was my favorite color. What was the color it was?
Speaker 2:It's like this really deep blue. I can't remember the name of the gel color anymore. I think it was um R74, if I remember correctly, I think that's. I think it's been years since I've done any theater anymore, but it was a really dark, vibrant blue that was really saturated, and so I would always find someplace to hide, either hide it or like use it in some way. One time I did it, for it was who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. I designed the lighting for that one. I used it as the light that was coming, that was outside during night. It was a very good, vibrant blue for that, so I snuck it in, using it that way, and I just would figure out silly ways to kind of incorporate it do you still use that color now in your quilting?
Speaker 1:do you use a deep blue?
Speaker 2:oh, I love, I love blues.
Speaker 1:I always any shade of blue I love well, ian, let's wrap it up now, and I'm going to ask you if you have a life motto. Is there anything that you, that you carry through, or any phrase or just any gathering of words that would sum up in your darkest moments or in your I don't't know as you're passing through your life? Is there anything that ever comes back to you in your mind and you go yeah, that's kind of my motto video that I do.
Speaker 2:It's the email signature that I send out, both in my personal email and my my off kilter crafter email. I always tell people normal is just a setting on the dryer, and it is so incredibly true for me. I just remind myself normal is just a setting on the dryer. There is no such thing as normal and we all just got to keep you know, moving forward and reminding ourselves of that. But yeah, normal is definitely a setting on the dryer and every time you come to one of my YouTube videos or live streams, it's definitely just a setting on the dryer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so true, yeah. What is normal? What, yeah? And who tells us what normal is and who sets this?
Speaker 1:absolutely how can that be? Yeah, exactly, I love that. Normal is just a setting on the dryer. I love that. I'm going to carry that around with me. It's fantastic. Yeah, it's a good one, a really good one. Well, ian, it's been an absolute pleasure.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing you came into a class and we've had this amazing experience now and we're connected and I think we'll keep talking and that is brilliant, and that came from you wanting to learn and you putting yourself out there. I did a podcast interview the other day and the person interviewing me said what would you say to anybody who is listening to this right now? What piece of advice would you give them? And not that I am some guru on the hill, but I just said you know four words you can do it. That's it. You can do it whatever it is. You can do it, just try.
Speaker 1:And that's what you did. You came to that class to try something new and then look what's happened. You've come on the podcast and we've had a brilliant conversation and hopefully, some people have taken away some. Just if it's just a snippet from it in this interview, that snippet can just make the difference with someone. So that's what I'm trying to do with the podcast is is to just offer people a chance to to learn something new and I'm so thankful that you, you and I connected and like our friendship, that has started to form has been wonderful.
Speaker 2:So I really appreciate you bringing me on and I didn't feel like, cause you've had some really, really like I would say, celebrity status on your podcast and here, little old me over here, I couldn't believe that you extended the invitation. So I'm so grateful to you for extending the invitation and allowing us to have this chat today.
Speaker 1:No, you're welcome and, as I said to you at the time, for me it just comes down to human stories. So I don't care if someone's got 300,000 followers or three, and I don't care if someone is known or not known, it's human stories. We all have trauma, we all have blocks that we need to overcome and everybody's got a story. So, and your stories today have been really interesting, so yeah, so thank you so much, yeah, thank you just before you go.
Speaker 1:lovely listener, can I ask you a favour If you have a friend who you think would enjoy listening to this podcast, would you mind please telling them about it?
Speaker 1:It helps me to spread the word and you never know, they might get a life lesson out of it or, at the very least, just have a lovely 40 minutes of relaxing time for themselves. The second thing to say is that, if you have enjoyed this, it would really help me if you would give me a little quick like or a comment, especially if you're listening on one of the podcast platforms. It just means that when anybody lands on the page, they can see that people have reviewed it. They've liked it, enjoyed it and got something out of it. So if you wouldn't mind leaving me a review, that would be amazing. And the final thing to say is that if you are a business and you're thinking how do I get my message out there, well, you could do it on this podcast. All you have to do is reach out to me, rachel, at breakingtheblockscom. The details are below in the box. Thank you so much to everybody for listening and enjoying and saying the lovely things that you're saying.
