Breaking the Blocks
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Thanks for stopping by! Life is tough, and I think this podcast might offer you some relief. My aim? To inspire you to overcome some of your own blocks through the inspirational, honest, and at times, downright raw conversations with some wonderful guests, not huge celebrities, regular people like you and I. Let’s see how they have overcome the difficulties in their lives and offer you some advice and more importantly hope.
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Breaking the Blocks
Embracing Vulnerability and Discovering Self-Worth with Trudi Wood
This episode explores the transformative journey of resilience, creativity, and self-discovery through the experiences of Trudi Wood. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own emotional challenges and the importance of community and forgiveness in the healing process.
• Trudi has shares her unexpected transition from the Air Force to quilting
• Discussion on the impacts of solitude and loneliness
• The recognition of self-sabotaging behaviors
• Insights into the complexities of forgiveness
• The significance of faith and community in healing
• Encouragement to practice kindness and self-compassion
• The importance of making conscious choices for personal growth
Well, hello and welcome back to another episode of Breaking the Blocks. I'm your host, rachel Pearman. You know when you have a conversation with someone and it just meanders into so many different areas. Well, that is the conversation that I had with today's guest, trudy Wood. Now, yes, it is true that she's had to overcome some difficulties in her life, but this episode wasn't so much the story of what she had overcome, but it was how she had overcome it and then what lessons we can all take away from this episode. There were so many bits of advice that she'd picked up along the way, that I picked up along the way that we discussed, that we exchanged ideas on, and I really think this episode will help you if you're seeking to change your behavioral patterns, get over some depression or anxiety, reach outside of yourself to a bigger community, or make some new friends, as well as a whole host of other issues that you may be encountering. So, sit back, relax, enjoy the episode and maybe grab a pen and paper and take some notes down so you can make some positive changes in your life.
Speaker 1:Well, lovely, I was going to call you Trudy Wood, as in Trinny Wood Hall, you know the lady who does the makeup Trinny, yeah, yes, no, trudy, you're Trudy, you're not Trinny, but just as glamorous darling, just as glamorous queen of the free motion quilting world, as I call you UK queen, because I do love Karen as well over in the States, but you are. You are an incredibly talented lady, trudy, but you're also a really interesting human being, a very good friend and an all-around good egg. How's that for an introduction?
Speaker 2:oh, that's um. That's very hum.
Speaker 1:We aim to humble, but no, it is lovely to have you here and you and I were talking recently and I said come on, let's get you on breaking the blocks, because you've had a lot of blocks to overcome in your life, like most of us have, but what I think our viewers are going to find really interesting about you, and hopefully inspirational as well, in terms of that you can change your life and you can do something completely different with it, because I love it when I talk to my guests and they say what they used to do and I go, excuse me, and you are one of those guests, trudy. So let's talk about pre, your creative full-time job. What did you used to do? This is going to surprise people. I joined the Air Force. Now you see this to me. When you said you were in the Air Force, I was like what I mean? Of course, I had visions of you flying red arrows.
Speaker 2:No no no.
Speaker 1:So what did you do in the Air? Force?
Speaker 2:So I joined up as an admin clerk, so basically promoted and promoted to personnel admin, which is basically effectively HR. So you're doing everything from pay to honours, awards, discipline, filing secret, keeping you know all sorts of things, as well as making the tea and all the other good stuff. So, yeah, that's effectively what I did, do, without giving too many secrets away.
Speaker 2:And then you left that and my dad was in the Air Force as well. So I remember my dad saying it's not the Air Force that he joined up in. And that's how I felt when I left. It wasn't the same Air Force, so much had changed and I had an opportunity to leave and still retain my pension rights. So, yeah, I took it and I then worked for Citizens Advice and I worked there for a rights charity for nearly 10 years doing administration, just turning that pile of in into that pile of out and having no real responsibility.
Speaker 2:Less stressful, or so I thought it would be at the time, but that's a completely different story. And then that was only part-time and I loved it for the fact that it was only part-time and actually I could take my daughter to school some days of the week. That I'd never been able to do before before she left primary school. So, yeah, it was great to go and work part-time and in that part-time it meant I had me time back so I could start doing my quilting for me. However, in that time I bought a tabletop frame that used a domestic sewing machine and started quilting on a frame on short arm frame, it's called and then people found out a bit about me, and then I was earning more money in my little garden shed than I was at work. So it was, it was a big leap of faith. I had the opportunity to leave and and it was the right time to go.
Speaker 1:It is fascinating whenever people you know say that they've done these other jobs that are very different, because I do think it's interesting, trudy, that I always believed that you know really creative people who do it for a living, that they had you know that side of the brain that was creative and so the other side that was analytical, that was number orientated, that you know that side of the brain that was creative and so the other side, that was analytical, that was number orientated, that you know worked in in kind of you know, like physics ways, chemistry ways, maths, ways that didn't work for us people as creatives. Maybe that's I'm basing it on myself because I was always rubbish at those subjects, but it's really interesting how many creative people actually have had careers in numbers and in things the completely opposite of what you'd imagine. So, yeah, I still still haven't got to the bottom of that really.
Speaker 2:I think, um, we have. It depends what we're practiced. I was taught to sew by my mum at very young age. You know sewing bits of scrap fabric to my Cindy doll and realizing that you couldn't take the clothes off because you'd stitch them on. And you know working out three-dimensional things and playing. I was always good at art at school. Color was always something I was good at, so that creativity was always there and I tried all sorts of different crafts.
Speaker 2:Maths has never been my thing, which is really bizarre, because I love accounting. Am I good at doing my own bookkeeping? Well, maybe not, when you'd rather be doing something far more creative. You are drawn to that creativity. You are drawn to that creativity and I don't think you can ever stop that, because it's for me. It's something that's inside and I'm driven to do it I need. Whether it's quilting, whether it's stitching something, whether it's out in the garden with my hands in the soil potting up plants, there's something inside us that demands that we do that. Or whether it's even baking a cake. We're makers. I think is what it comes down to as a human race. We're just makers.
Speaker 1:I agree, actually. Yeah, I think it's part of being human, because there is so much in life that is so stressful and difficult to deal with, and I think that when you get your hands in the soil, it's like people say if you're feeling stressed, take your socks off and go for a walk in some grass. You know it's grounding, isn't it? It's grounding ourselves, yeah, so that's that's something that you have felt that need to do is to ground yourself in something, in something creative, in a task. I was going to ask you as well, trudy, that I mean very much. Like me, in my prior role to running this business by myself, I was always in TV studios or voiceover studios or wherever, with lots of people. It struck me that with you, you were always around people. So you're in the Air Force and then, when you're doing your accounting, and then suddenly you were this person working, as you said, in your shed by yourself. How did you make that transition? Because I found it very difficult found it very difficult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess the being on my own was not so much a problem. My parents both worked. You know I am the typical Gen X latchkey kid. You know, out till it was dark, go out and play, don't you know? Be seen, not heard. Being on your own, you don't mind that. And being deployed you're very much on your own. You're still surrounded by people, but it can be very lonely.
Speaker 2:So, being on my own, not at work, it took me a long time to actually get used to the fact that this is what I do every day. I need to turn up every day. If I want to earn money, I need to turn up every day. You still need those people around you. You still need that creative contact. You still need that social interaction with other people that spark joy and creativity in you.
Speaker 2:And I really struggled with that in COVID. I shut down in COVID because living on my own, being on my own, working in the shed at the bottom of the garden on my own, it became like a prison and I wasn't allowed to go out. I wasn't allowed to see people. I do it before, I've done it before. Where I've shut myself down, when I get overloaded. I go inwards and I shut down and people don't see me and I disappear. And my friends know my MO and they will check up on me and that's fine. And I know I've done it before and I knew this time round I couldn't just face being continually locked in. So I volunteered with my church and went out and helped with Love, your Neighbour, which provided food parcels for those people, those families that were not getting the help that they needed in that time. And it was just packing food parcels to start with. And I work with who is now a great friend, angela, and she realized that, you know, I wasn't just somebody that could come and pack bags, I could actually organize and manage and manage people and all the rest of it. So, you know, I ended up running the Thursday sessions and stuff like that. And, yeah, you know, I guess my RAF career has given me that can-do attitude. You get things done, you don't? You know you don't just go. Oh well, how are we going to do that? No, well, this is how we're going to do it. We're going to do it like this and this is what we need and we just get on with it and do it. So that got me out twice a week seeing people, and I pretty much shut down on quilting because I couldn't cope. That was as much as I could cope with. I found lockdown really, really hard and I still find it.
Speaker 2:I've always been an introvert. An introvert and very shy, despite what people think about me. I was unbearably shy when I was younger and I couldn't walk into a pub on my own. You know things like that. Whether that's a generational thing or I still am quite uncomfortable in big, big groups of people. I'm the person that's backed up against the back wall, walking her way around the room with her back against the wall, unless there's somebody. I know I'm still very much. I find peopling too much. Now I need that quiet space after lots and lots of people. It's bizarre, but I do need that quiet space and I'm really comfortable in my own space and my own skin and being on my own.
Speaker 1:But that's a good thing, because I was going to say when you, you know, shut down, as you said. You know, when your friends knew that you were sort of going inward with yourself, there's a fine line. There isn't there. Because I remember years ago when I did my therapy and my therapist said, look, one of the tools you need in your box is to know that you can and that you should reach out to people, because I mean, I joke about it now, but you know, I used to joke with her and say that I was like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. You know she sits there, turn the lamp on and off, on and off on and off to Madame Butterfly, such a drama queen.
Speaker 1:But I would sit there and really listen to sad music and wail and just want to bring myself even further down as far as I could go and beat myself over the head. And she said you have to learn to reach out, so I don't do that anymore. It's interesting you were saying in a way that that's what you do when you feel overwhelmed Do, but then you're saying that that's a good thing for you.
Speaker 2:It is because I need to separate myself from the overwhelm. But I read something literally yesterday about those people that keep themselves at a distance from other people, that are very strongly independent. You know, and I have been so strongly independent, it's probably because we had to be as children, had to be as children and you know, we didn't get. Maybe I'm not dissing my parents or anything, but you know, times were very different then. We didn't get the attention that maybe we needed to, and we had to solve a lot of those problems ourselves or not. So, yeah, I have had to learn very much so that I need to let people in and, um, let people help me. That's the other thing. It's all very well saying, well, you ask for help, but it's accepting help, um, which is even harder, you know, to accept help from other people who genuinely love you and want to help you, but it's really hard. But it's so much better when you do. You know it really is.
Speaker 1:I think what you're describing there is. It can be avoidant behavior. You become super independent because you haven't got the love and affection and attention needed from your parents and not the thing is. We say this a lot, but I think the generation before us, they were doing the best they could do in a lot of cases, but they just didn't know how to do it any different they were and so were we.
Speaker 2:You know we're doing the best we can too so because they haven't had that connection.
Speaker 1:They absolutely crave it, but it frightens them because of their over independence, because they've had to have that all of their lives. Now here's the thing as you say, what you have to do is learn to let people in and to accept people and to not self-sabotage. Because what a lot of people do who are avoidant? They self-sabotage relationships before they can get hurt. They will hurt somebody else and walk away and then they feel very regretful and sad later on because they realize, oh dear, I did that. But then they do it again unless they get help. So how have you come to learn? Because it sounds like you know you could have been on that self-sabotage spectrum.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I was married. I was with him for 23 years. We divorced for his infidelity and actually that hurt being replaced by a much younger model that hurt. But I moved on. I felt as though I was better off without him and that was fine. And then I met somebody else and we were together for 10 years and he ended everything after 10 years saying that he felt I would be better off without him. He was ill, you know he was ill and he couldn't see that he was ill, so, but that self-sabotaging came in in the way I reacted to being rejected like that reacted to being rejected like that. However, it was so much easier to forgive him than to forgive myself what was when you say you see that self-sabotaging behavior came in?
Speaker 1:what was that then? Because he'd ended the relationship. So what did you? What was?
Speaker 2:your. Oh, just just the way I reacted, really just um you. You know, hurt people, hurt people, don't they?
Speaker 2:That's what they say so, yeah, I was just so hurt and I couldn't understand what I'd done to deserve being treated and just dropped, you know, like a hot coal, and yeah, it was a case of right. Well, if that's the case, then I want you gone. You know, take your stuff, I want you gone. That broke me far more than my marriage did, or the breakdown of my marriage. I, yeah, I was broken, utterly broken, and it took me a long, long time to not be broken. Um, I spent five years looking backwards, um, at what I'd lost. I couldn't see what I had, yeah, but they'd say you shouldn't look back. There's a reason. It's called the rear view mirror and it's small in a car and I think you have to. You have to recognize and you can't move forward until you recognise that you are looking backwards and you have to live for now and today and tomorrow, not for what was. Yes, there were so many good memories, yes, it was a great relationship, but I didn't help him in the way he needed to be helped and I can't say I regret that because it's not something. I regret Because I pointed him in the right direction, that he needed to go, and that's okay. And he has moved on and I have moved on and it's fine.
Speaker 2:But the growth came in having counselling in terms of my own self-worth, because I've been rejected again and again and again. Yeah, just that rejection and coping with my own self-worth and realising that my self-worth didn't lie in what somebody else thought about myself. It was what I thought about myself and that I was worthy and I am a good person and I am actually a loving person and kind and generous and all of those other things that people would say. But acknowledging that and seeing that in yourself was very, very difficult and you know the counselling didn't do it. All that helped my self-worth and that was great.
Speaker 2:Looking back is one way of regret, remorse, loss, dealing with that loss and the grief that you get in that loss. But you have to make a choice to transform into the future. That's been a slow choice to make but you know I'm looking forward. I'm not stagnant in one place, I'm just looking forward. And yes, no, I'm not thriving. Not thriving, but you know I am living. It's learning to be gentler with yourself. Um, that has made the huge difference to to where I am today.
Speaker 1:I mean, thank you for being so candid, trudy, but the thing is that there will be people listening, who you know. There's two phases there isn't there and two really important things that you said there is. I mean, I was reminded the other day someone said this quote to me and I can't remember what the exact quote was, but it's actually from the Joker in the Batman film, and there's a line where he says somebody one day will come along and break you so badly that no one will be able to break you again. And I thought that was a really interesting phrase, because I think there's two parts to that.
Speaker 1:I think the first part is what you were explaining, that you were so broken from it. But that was because I think you'd been chipped and chipped and chipped and chipped and so eventually it just broke. And then I think, in terms of the joke, maybe what he's saying is once you're that broken on the floor, well, nobody else can break you, can they? But I think that when you're that broken, if you put the work in and you start to heal yourself, actually no one can break you again, because you realize that you're not. The only person who can break you is you yeah, because it's how you deal with things and how you feel about things. Again, because you realize that you're not the only person who can break you.
Speaker 2:Is you yeah, because it's how you deal with things and how you feel about things and how you react and and learning to stop and think before you react to something and not just blurt it all out and all that venomous, why you have to recognize that this is where we're at and this is the worst it's ever going to get, and actually nobody else can do that to me. I haven't met anybody else and I haven't made any effort to meet anybody else, but whether I could let somebody else in or not, I don't know. I really don't know. It's yeah, I just don't know.
Speaker 1:Well, you're a work in progress. I think we're all works in progress, so I don't think you need to know at the moment. I think that question would come when somebody is there. I think you would be aware of the triggers. I think, just going back to something you said, there is how you deal with things.
Speaker 1:When I had my hypnotherapy, I remember saying to my hypnotherapist so will I be able to get rid of all of these things that bring on panic attacks? And he said no, the triggers are always going to be there, but you just won't react to them in the same way. And it's so true that you know my big thing was insomnia. So now, if I go to a hotel room and I lay in bed and I have a moment where I go, you might not sleep tonight, rachel. Now, that would have sent me into a complete go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep and not sleeping, and then panicking. But now I just go. Well, if I don't, I'll sleep the next night. And guess what? You know, the brain goes no, she's not playing, where's go to sleep and it's really interesting. So I think, like you say, it's reacting to those uh triggers in a different way and it's recognizing how far you've come, and I think that's what you're saying you. You know how far you've come because you've done the work.
Speaker 2:A friend once described it as there's a manhole in the street and you walk up to the manhole and fall down it, and you keep walking up to the manhole and falling down it until one day you recognize that actually it's a manhole and you could fall down it. I could take a sidestep and walk around it and learning to walk around and past the problem that has always been there that you now choose not to engage in. So yeah, it is exactly that. It's the work that we do that allows us to change the behaviours that we have had.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and that's the key thing. Another thing that you said earlier which was really important is the choice. It's making that choice to change your own behavior and and, as you say, that's not just to help others around you, because, as you said, there was maybe some self-torture, there was rage, there was anger, but it's actually the most important person that we should make a choice for is for ourselves. It's that whole thing. I think it reminds me of the plane analogy put your oxygen mask on before you try and help the person next to you, because if you don't put that mask on, you're not going to be of help to anybody else. So I think some people might think it's a really selfish thing to do, but it it's not. You have to be the first person that you look after, because you are the one living your life.
Speaker 2:Last year, business was really quite slow and I had to make a choice Do I go and get another job? But my mum needed caring for and I had to make that choice Do I take that time to care for my mum or do I use all of my time to go out and get another job? But I love what I do. I love my mum as well. I need to look after me and what makes me happy is what I do. So that is looking after me. But actually I need to honour my mum and look after her because there is nobody else to do it for her. My brother lives in France. My mum is on her own as well.
Speaker 2:So, you know, it's a case of well, we'll do what we can for now and when it becomes too much, then we meet that challenge when we need to. But we don't need to meet it now. We just need to do what we can do now, in this minute and in this minute. That means me caring for my mum when she needs that care. So, yeah, it's and being acknowledging that that was a conscious choice, you know it's, and one I did willingly, because it's part of my faith to do that. Yeah, I know you've had lots of conversations with other people that have been, you know, very anti the church and things like that. But I only found faith in the last eight, nine years. So you know, for me that's something I can do gladly and it was faith and a dear friend who helped me find faith that got me through healing everything else and finding forgiveness, not only for other people but for myself.
Speaker 1:I want to pick up on something there that you said, because you and I had a conversation about this a while ago, about forgiveness and you know forgiving other people, and by not forgiving those people, you are drinking this bottle of poison that you're carrying around with you and expecting that person to die. Yeah, I mean not literally, physically, but you know what I mean. Yeah, I have only just started to understand that concept of forgiving other people, but I do understand. Now it is about letting go of bitterness and anger, but you and I had a conversation, uh, that was actually about forgiving ourselves and how difficult that is.
Speaker 2:It is. Yeah, it really is. So I didn't speak to my mum for two years and I went through an act of forgiveness. I was encouraged to do that and encouraged to forgive other people, which, as I say, my last partner was really easy to forgive. My mum was a bit harder, but you know, I just kept doing it. It's got nothing to do with what they did. It's about acknowledging what they did and letting that go. They've done that. Forgive them, move on, let it go. Just, you can't hold on to it forever because if you do, it just creates that bitterness and it's that bitterness that kills you and not them.
Speaker 2:But forgiving ourselves is so much harder. Why do we find it easy to forgive one person, yet we can't do it for ourselves? On what level are we judging ourselves if we're not judging the other person? It's hard, it's really really hard. But I think I mean we touched on it earlier our parents made the best decisions that they could at the time and we are doing the best we can at this time with the knowledge that we have, with the upbringing that we have, with the experiences in life that we've had. And we have to accept that we're not perfect. Nobody's perfect, and that's okay, because life's not meant to be perfect, it's.
Speaker 2:You know, if you can forgive so many other people, why can't you forgive yourself? How can you love yourself if you're holding all these things against yourself? You know you did this, you did that, you behaved this way. You know you weren't a good, whatever. Actually, we're doing the best we can and that's okay. You have to love who you are, who you're becoming, because, like you say, we're a work in progress. We're growing and we have to grow. I sent you a reel earlier today about trees growing in both directions, and they cannot grow up into the light without growing down into the deep, dark things.
Speaker 1:Such a brilliant yes.
Speaker 2:It was such an amazing analogy of how we need to do that work and see those deep, dark things to be able to be that lovely light.
Speaker 1:You know, humble, polite, quiet person and it is hard work, isn't it, trudy? Because I think sometimes, when we talk about the healing journey, people can think it's all roses and rainbows. I mean, it's not. It's more thorns, quite frankly, and lots of bleeding, and there are some lovely roses along the way, and then it suddenly turns dark again, and I think that's a really important thing. I saw a quote from Jay Shetty today on Instagram and he said it's okay to feel happy today and really sad tomorrow. It's okay to feel calm today and very anxious tomorrow.
Speaker 1:You know, on your healing journey, if you're doing the work, you will have bad days, you will slip back into bad habits, you will question yourself and then you'll have really good days, but that's normal. If you're having really good days and you have bad days, I think it's because you maybe are triggered by something, or you remember something about yourself, or you're questioning yourself. You're asking questions, aren't you? And that's the main thing in life that we have to do. I think Keep asking those questions, but also try and find the answers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I would never have thought this deeply in my younger days. I used to flip through life and I was on, you know, I was on this trajectory. And well, I wasn't. I wasn't on a trajectory. I just, you know, I bimbled through life and life just happened and I had high standards and, um, I expected everybody else to have those high standards and and now I look back and think I was so highly strung. You know, as a young adult I was so highly strung, as well as being very nervous and shy and everything. But now I'll talk to anybody I really don't mind, and engaging with people, because without them, who would we be? Exactly, Exactly.
Speaker 1:Let's just go back to your faith, then. I mean, it's interesting, you said I've talked to lots of people who are anti-church. I, I was racking my brains and thinking, oh, I know that ben millet, obviously, you know, had left his mormon faith. Yeah, but I think the mormon faith is quite different too, because you're, you're, you're, um, it's a christian faith, isn't it? It's a christian faith.
Speaker 2:I'm an anglican, you know it's, you know my parents-in-law are.
Speaker 1:They are part of a baptist church and they will occasionally bring little booklets for me and they will speak lines of text and say these things although it's very sweet because they are near in the end of their days and so I think they're sort of preparing, they feel they're paving their way less than but they say all that sort of thing, now I'm I'm not really. That doesn't do it for me, that just doesn't touch me somehow. But put me in Barcelona and one of the first things I will do is say I need to find a little church to light a candle. It's just always something I do. And actually what's really sweet is now that my daughter, who's 19, whenever we go somewhere, she'll go isn't this a church? And we light a candle together. Now, that's as far as it goes.
Speaker 1:I don't go on a Sunday. I don't go and sing hymns. I don't read the Bible, I just don't. I've not been brought up with it, Although my mother was quite semi-religious. But I do understand the concept of faith, of having something to look for, to guide you, to feel that you belong. It's part of the community and there is something for me. I'm more on the spiritual side of things, but I do find beautiful old churches very calming and it's something I like to do very calming and it's something I like to do.
Speaker 2:There's a presence in a beautiful old church. There really is a real sense of peace and calm and that's what faith brings to me. It's not about the religion, it's never been about the religion. It's been about the relationship and it's a very personal relationship for everybody the community that I found and the healing that I found and being just being loved by people, whether that was, you know, a hug, are you OK, come to dinner. Can I get you a cup of tea? I admit that there was one Sunday in our old church.
Speaker 2:So we're in a different building now and in our old church and I was still in that very, very broken phase and you know, songs would trigger it and they had inside a big old pre-Victorian church, a wooden shed that was for mothers and babies to go and, you know, breastfeed or whatever, or calm the children down. And I was in there just bawling my eyes out and the vicar came up to me and it's like he's like a big Yorkshireman and you know, don't do women crying. And can I get you a cup of tea? It's like, no, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, but people understanding that you are broken and that's okay and we're here for you and in that, you know, listening to sermons and listening to hymns and modern faith music, understanding that you're loved unconditionally, regardless. What does that look like? And it makes you challenge. Well, how do I love other people? How do I love and honor my mother? How do I love my children? Have I loved them the best that I could? Well, actually no, and I, you know, in terms of that forgiveness, I approached my son and said I don't think I've been the best mother for you. You know, I'm really sorry for some of the things that have happened. And he's like what are you talking about, mum? You're a great mum, but in my head, you know, it's that self-talk again going yeah, so what I found was healing and peace.
Speaker 2:And no, I don't read my Bible very often and I'm not very good at it. But yes, I love going to church on a Sunday. I love my church community, I love my friend Di, who brought me to faith my mum's. Like you know, I'm not into Bible bashing and I didn't grow up in a Christian environment. So, you know, and it's not about reading passages to people or anything, it's about loving them in the way that you can, and for me that's giving of myself, whether it's teaching.
Speaker 2:You know, quilting for other people, putting all that love into a quilt, gifting quilts. You know I love to gift quilts to people that are sick and we've had quite a few of them in our church and I've just felt this need to make a quilt for them and prayed over it and had it blessed and given it to them as a gift, and that I know makes a difference to them, because people that I now know that I gifted quilt to will say you didn't know us and it's like but I didn't need to know you, I just needed to love you. And this is the way I can love you, whether it's doing that or, as I say, looking after my mum, or just talking nicely to the lady at the checkout and saying to somebody your hair looks great, it's bright pink and I love it. Or you know that coat is fantastic, or whatever it is. You know your smile has made such a difference to my day that's loving people, isn't it?
Speaker 1:it is, and you know it's such a great feeling. I was, um in Starbucks the other day I'm not sponsoring them, by the way, not getting paid for this advert but I was there in Peterborough and this young guy was behind the counter, very jolly, and he said are you paying on the app? And I said yes, and then he said so, of course, they know your name by the app. So he said oh, hello, rachel. Oh, you've got a free drink. So I said oh, and he said would you like to take it? And I said yes, I would. I was like this and Brandon was next to me, who's 18, my daughter's friend, and uh, so I was buying him a coffee. So this boy said well, he said would you like to make them both larges? Because then you get a free large, but I don't want you to be squabbling over the drinks. And then I said you're a very good salesman, aren't you? Because now, if I choose two largest, I'm actually now paying for it. We're both going to get smalls and okay, and we're laughing and joking. And he went yes, I am, I'm being very corporate right now for Starbucks. We have this great conversation.
Speaker 1:And then I said I should tell your manager how good you are. And he said well, you can if you want. She's in the back. And I went bring out then. And then he looked at me and he said what? I went, bring her out. And Brandon knows to expect this of me.
Speaker 1:So this manager came out and she said can I help you? I said I want to make a complaint about your barista. And then she looked and I said I don't really. I said I just want to tell you you have got an amazing member of staff. And he said they went. Oh, thank you. And I said you know, when people say do you want an extra shot of coffee? I said he is the extra shot, he has the extra shot. And I said you know you need to look after him because he's just a step above. And he was glowing. And I was glowing because I felt I was interacting in this fantastic conversation. The manager was glowing because she hadn't had a complaint, she'd had someone say something. Nice. Brandon was just laughing at me going. You are crazy. But as we walked out I said isn't that great though. I made his day, you know. And anyway, he made my day because he gave me that opportunity.
Speaker 2:And that's. You know it's better to give than receive. You know giving brings so much joy to the person that is giving. And you know, and that, yeah, to me that's, yeah, that just if I can give something, then yeah, I I will. It might not be money or anything like that, but you know, if I can make a quilt for somebody, yeah, I will yeah, well, just just tell me truly about your, your creativity, then, and what it actually does for you.
Speaker 1:I mean, do you feel now in your healing journey and that you've got further down the line? One, do you shut down less these days? And two, if you shut down to, probably because you're recognizing a bit of overwhelm, do you then leap into your quilting or does that still get closed down as well?
Speaker 2:I probably can approach it more. I'm less likely to walk away from the quilting, but I'm more likely to give myself time to go. What is this? Why do I feel like this? Is it because I've got so many quilts waiting and there's not enough time? Or is it because I'm just tired and I need to give myself time again, so I'm more likely to look and go? I need this time. This time is more important for me than it is to work myself through the bones. Actually, give yourself time to rest. It's okay.
Speaker 2:You weren't very well at the weekend. You had an awful cold, you felt rubbish and actually you can rest. You know you can rest. You, you can't rush back into doing something full pelt. You have to take it as a slow build and you know, do it slowly, slowly, slowly rather than full pelt. Yeah, that recognizing it is is half the battle really. You know it's. It's like depression. I've I've suffered from depression for many years and recognizing what that looks like to me has helped me know that this is okay, it'll it. It too will pass, you know, um, and also it helps you recognize it in other people too. Um, so you, you've got a greater understanding of how somebody might be feeling or where they might be at, and how then to help them more and through that. So and it's a great thing you said in in one of your other um interviews was that you't go around things. You have to go through them. You just, yeah, you've got to go through it, haven't you?
Speaker 1:I put a quote by Winston Churchill once in one of the newsletters which said if you're going through hell, keep going. And at first you can read that and go what? But what he's saying is if you're going through hell, keep going through it and you'll come out the other end. I think if you try and escape it, you'll always be in it somehow. Yeah so, yeah, you have to go through these things, but you have to feel your way through these things.
Speaker 2:You cannot avoid them going back to what I said earlier, all of these things, all of these people that we meet, and all of these challenges that we have in our lives and all of this work that we do, it makes us who we are today and, you know, it makes me want to say don't underestimate this. You know little white haired person that lives on her own, works on her own in a shed, at the bottom of the garden, or or you or anybody else you know, don't, don't make um judgments about them and assume, you know um that somebody, somebody's life is absolutely dandy because you know we, we can, we can still smile through it, we can still do all of those things, we can still function. Um, but doesn't mean to say it's easy functioning and um doesn't mean we haven't battled to be there.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah, and I think just you know, following on from that, that if you are listening right now and you do feel very, very if something has happened to you which has put you into a very dark place, if you do the work, keep questioning yourself, maybe get some therapy, or just keep listening to yourself, your higher self, doing what you need to do, you will get through it.
Speaker 1:You will, and you won't be the same person at the end of it, but actually you might be a better person because you will learn those triggers, you'll learn about your behaviors, you'll learn not to fall down the manhole cover again. You know better times are ahead and sometimes well, I don't believe it. Sometimes I think that you know if we need to be broken, we need to be broken, broken. If there are patterns that you just keep repeating, you need to be broken by them. Something awful needs to happen to get you out of that pattern, and I believe that's what the universe does. It puts us into situations again and again and again, until one day you get the lesson absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:But you know life, life keeps happening until you realize that you've got to do something different. If it's still the same, you can't expect it to change without changing something yourself. So, yeah, make the change be the change. Yeah, you've got to do that. You can't just expect it to all change all by itself. It won't. Talk to your doctor and get help, because asking for help isn't weakness, it's a strength, and you know that takes a lot of strength.
Speaker 1:Well, trudy, I wish you continued success on your healing journey. I think you've come an awful long way. Like I say, we've had lots of private conversations and you've backed everything up by what you've said today. But it does go very deep. The wounds go very deep and I know the struggles you've come through and the darkness you felt. You know what you've just said today, I hope, will really resonate with people, that you know there can be change, there can be hope. Grab something to cling on to. You know whether that be faith, whether that be a friend, a group, whatever it is. Just keep going through it, yeah, yeah. As a final question, you know what I'm going to ask you, trudy.
Speaker 2:I always ask at the end.
Speaker 1:Do you have a motto?
Speaker 2:Do I have a motto, A motto to live by if you're going to have one, have a big one.
Speaker 1:Is that the motto?
Speaker 2:If you're going to have one, have a big one have a big one, that's a big quilt, whether it's a large coffee, whatever.
Speaker 1:It's got to make you smile, hasn't it? Have a big quilt, whether it's a large coffee whatever, you know, it's gonna make you smile, hasn't it? You know, have a big smile, okay, sorry, I don't know where my mind went there for a second, but no, it's, it's fine, I love it.
Speaker 2:yeah, absolutely Don't take life so seriously.
Speaker 1:No, it's yeah, go and get yourself a big one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, have a big one. Yeah, live large. You know it's, I don't live as large as I could, or I'd like to, but you know what? I've got a big, long arm.
Speaker 1:Oh, I swear, but you know what? I've got a big long arm. Oh, I, I. If anybody's listening to the podcast, I go. What's rachel doing? Rachel is now speechless. It's never happens. Okay, I like it. Okay, I shall live by that motto. I shall live by it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, yeah, live it large, live it large.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much, trudy, and thank you for being so honest and open. My pleasure. Brokenness is fine. It's fine. Brokenness is fine. Smash it open and you see everything.
Speaker 2:It's all there in the light, it's all there, and when you put it back together, those little gaps shine light out, don't they so?
Speaker 1:well they do. But also as well I discovered. I can't remember the name of it now because it's japanese japanese. There's a japanese art, where they put vases and things back together sealed with gold. Yes, so it becomes a more beautiful object with all of these cracks filled with gold.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and we're all much better for having been broken and putting it back together and doing that teamwork.
Speaker 1:So yeah, Okay, I'm going to go and have a big coffee now. Thank you, trudy.
Speaker 2:That's okay.
Speaker 1:Just before you go, lovely listener, can I ask you a favour If you have a friend who you think would enjoy listening to this podcast, would you mind please telling them about it? It helps me to spread the word and you never know, they might get a life lesson out of it or, at the very least, just have a lovely 40 minutes of relaxing time for themselves. The second thing to say is that, if you have enjoyed this, it would really help me if you would give me a little quick like or a comment, especially if you're listening on one of the podcast platforms. It just means that when anybody lands on the page, they can see that people have reviewed it. They've liked it, enjoyed it and got something out of it. So if you wouldn't mind leaving me a review, that would be amazing.
Speaker 1:And the final thing to say is that if you are a business and you're thinking how do I get my message out there, Well, you could do it on this podcast. All you have to do is reach out to me, rachel at breakingtheblockscom. The details are below in the box. Thank you so much to everybody for listening and enjoying and saying the lovely things that you're saying. Thank you.
