Breaking the Blocks
Hi!
Thanks for stopping by! Life is tough, and I think this podcast might offer you some relief. My aim? To inspire you to overcome some of your own blocks through the inspirational, honest, and at times, downright raw conversations with some wonderful guests, not huge celebrities, regular people like you and I. Let’s see how they have overcome the difficulties in their lives and offer you some advice and more importantly hope.
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Breaking the Blocks
Breaking the Pattern: Finding Your Inherent Worth
Quilter Vendulka Battais shares her healing journey from realizing that external validation (including winning awards) made her happy, but didn't bring her ultimate fulfillment, she still needed to find her own inner worth and peace. She explores how her upbringing in communist Czechoslovakia and ancestral patterns influenced her sense of self-worth and her creative approach to quilting.
• Growing up during communism in the Czech Republic shaped Vendulka's resourcefulness and creativity
• Moving to the UK at age 24 with English as her second language became an unexpected advantage in her quilting pattern instructions
• Winning quilt competitions didn't bring the fulfillment she expected, revealing her pattern of seeking external validation
• Ancestral patterns from Czech history influenced her tendency to overgive and put her worth in others' hands
• Through theta healing and meditation, she learned to find value within herself rather than from external achievements
• Understanding that we're only responsible for our own happiness helps break patterns of people-pleasing and overgiving
• Finding peace requires facing uncomfortable truths and being honest with yourself
• The healing journey is ongoing - slips back into old patterns become smaller and less frequent with practice
• Every cloud has a silver lining - learning not to immediately judge experiences as good or bad opens us to unexpected gifts
If you've enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend who might benefit, leave a review on your podcast platform, and check out Vendulka's quilted jacket class:
https://www.craftymonkies.com/live-zoom-workshop-vendulka-battais-121025-fashionable-quilted-jacket-and-210326-intricate-curv
Follow Vendulka on Instagram @vendulkaoliven
This is Breaking the Blocks and I'm your host, rachel Pearman.
Speaker 2:It often is what paralyzes us. It is fear. In my healing journey, one of the wonderful questions that I've learned to ask is what's the worst thing that can happen?
Speaker 1:Welcome back, lovely listener, to Series 3 of Breaking the Blocks, the show that aims to help you to overcome some of the challenges in your life by learning lessons from my lovely guests who have also experienced problems, issues, dilemmas, listening and talking. It's about compassion and it's about being open to new ideas and new ways of thinking and new ways of living. My guest today is quilter Venduka Batte. Now, this interview was recorded before I was lucky enough to stand on stage at the Festival of Quilts and announce her the winner in the contemporary quilt category for her beautiful quilt, which is called Open to Interpretation. So congratulations to Venduka.
Speaker 1:Now, ironically, venduka talks in the show about her healing journey. That involved her realizing that winning quilt competitions in the past had not made her happy, had not fulfilled her. She felt something was missing within herself and that's why she wanted to go off on a healing journey. I'd be interested to know in the future, perhaps in another episode, how winning this time made her feel. What changed, what was different? Certainly there would have been something, because Venduka has been on a very long journey where she looked at her childhood but she looked also at what was lacking in herself and why she felt the need to overgive. Why do we overgive? What hole are we trying to fill within ourselves? So we had a fascinating conversation, but the wonderful thing about this episode was that it was more about the wisdom that Venduka has learned on her healing journey, rather than just what happened to Venduka. It was more about her lessons she's learned and what wisdom she could provide to you.
Speaker 1:So I hope that you really enjoy the episode. As always, sit back, relax and let's have a listen to Venduka's own personal journey, but also triumph over her personal difficulties. So I'm joined today by Venduka Bate. What a fantastic name, venduka Bate, so much better than Rachel Pierman, and that's not even my real name, my stage name. But yeah, it's lovely to have you in the studio, venduka, and thank you so much for joining me today. So I'm going to start Venduka by saying where are you from originally? Where is that wonderful name from?
Speaker 2:Well, it's a combination of Czech first name, so I'm originally from Czech Republic, but I have married a French name, so the surname is French. Ah, fantastic.
Speaker 1:We like to adjust things up, you know. Yes, exactly yes, bringing it in Multicultural.
Speaker 1:We are on the show, multicultural definitely that reminds me of victoria vanderland, who said she was almost tempted just to marry her husband because of his dutch name. So she's victoria, but he's vanderland. And I said, well, it's a fabulous name, victoria vanderland. I mean, how fabulous is that exactly? Yeah, so, uh, yeah, it's good. Good to marry a partner with a great second name. Well, welcome. So so now, where are you based in the world? Where, where are you actually living, are you? You're in the UK, aren't you?
Speaker 2:yes, yes, I'm in UK. Um, I lived for a little while on the Isle of Wight, where both of my kids were born, and but we settled in Suffolk and absolutely love it here.
Speaker 1:Why did you choose to?
Speaker 2:settle in the UK. It's relatively simple. I don't speak French and he doesn't speak Czech, but we both speak English. But also quilting world is actually quite different in Czech Republic and a little bit in France, and I feel like what I do I could definitely not do back in Czech Republic. I could maybe do it in France, but it would take me a long time to learn everything in yet another language in order for me to do what I do. So we decided to stay here so that to make life easier, yeah, that makes absolute sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't think about the language barrier. So obviously, as you've said that, english is your second language, was this something you learned from a very been a young child, or was it something you've had to learn as you've come to the UK?
Speaker 2:No, I always had always had passion for, for English. I was eight when the Berlin Wall fell and and when we were, when the Russians finally sort of left our country and when we were able to then suddenly start learning different languages. So I've got older sister, older sisters, and their Russian teacher was my English teacher at school, so I never had to learn Russian. I went straight into English and I think that I started at the age of maybe 11, 10, 11, something like that. So when I came to UK at the age of 24, I was able to have a conversation. It wasn't the standard that it is now, but I was already able to have a conversation and get by.
Speaker 2:But obviously when I started to teach I always thought that it's going to be like a problem. And yes, in a written world it was, and I always had to have my newsletters checked by somebody and everything. But obviously that has improved as well. But also where it actually was to my advantage in my career is that because I don't know all those difficult big words, I speak and teach in relatively simple English and that makes quite a difference and therefore my patterns, which are written in. It's not simple, simple English, but it's easy to understand and that's what I've been always getting compliments on, that my patterns are easy to understand because I don't overcomplicate it and that's because English is my second language. So actually that's what looked at the beginning as a disadvantage turns into my advantage.
Speaker 1:Which is a great way to look at it. A great way to look at it, and that makes sense. Actually, that does make sense that you are thinking in I'm going to use the word basic, but in simple terms, and sometimes that's what we need. I think we can often jump ahead in our lives, can't we, and overcomplicate things, and actually it's great that you can just pull it back to its simplest way. Can I just ask you that? Well, one thing I want to say is, first of all, I'm always impressed with anybody who learns a language, to the extent that you have, and here you are having a conversation with me, because the idea of me going and learning you know czech or russian or french or whatever language it is, and then sitting and having a conversation, I think is amazing. So, yeah, I I so you know, applaud it's to you that you have learned another language. Thank you, that's that's to be. That's a block that you've overcome there.
Speaker 1:Um, but I just wanted to ask you about the ber Berlin Wall. So, just out of interest, were you affected by that? I mean, I know, as you said, you were very young when it came down, at eight years old, but were your family affected by that Berlin Wall? Because obviously you know from the bit that I know in history it did just suddenly go up like literally overnight and families were separated for many, many years. So were you affected by that at all?
Speaker 2:The way it affected us was in. So the Russians came to Czech Republic in 68 as friends, with tanks, and suddenly we were under their influence, under their regime, and so was the East Germany. So everybody kind of remembers the fall of the Berlin Wall as the event Around that same time. We, as the Czechs, said we had enough and sent the Russians to where they came from, that kind of, yeah, liberated, it opened the doors, it opened the borders, just from everyday life. It brought the tv series from america, from uk you know which we, which we've never seen before. It opened the borders to things, to import things, so we suddenly had products and brands that we didn't have before. So we suddenly had products and brands that we didn't have before. So, yeah, that was the difference, that was the influence that it had on our life, and one of the facts was that we didn't have to learn Russian and we could learn all the other lovely languages.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's quite a crucial time, isn't it? Eight years old in your life, actually. Well, there's a famous phrase, isn't there? Show me the child at seven and I will show you the man. It was a. When they said the phrase, it was a man. So show me the boy at seven and I'll show you the man, and I think it actually is a quite a crucial time. So it's interesting that at age eight that happened for you, the door sort of open. Yeah, were you always a creative child, banduka, or was that suddenly thrust upon you, or was that something that you can remember from being even younger? I mean, I don't know, when did it all start for?
Speaker 2:you the creativity Growing up like being a child in a communism you just had to get by with what you had. You know I've learned to get by with what I had. I remember going to these sales with my mom where they were selling fabrics by weight and they were just remnants from some shops, and she would say, oh, I really like this fabric. Can you find me all the remnants from that fabric? And those remnants were there because there was a fault in the print and I remember getting a black marker, the equivalent of a Sharpie, and filling up that print, sort of like hiding that mistake.
Speaker 2:Creativity, and definitely sewing, was always something in our household. My mom was always making. I'm the youngest out of three girls, so she was always making clothes for us and that's where my love for patchwork then started, because I love the idea of having clothes and having things that nobody else does. So I would be then in my teens. I would be then going to the equivalent of a charity shop here and I would buy the biggest clothes I could find, like in the largest size, because then I would have enough material to turn it into something for myself. And by unpicking, for example, the, the, the pair of trousers. By unpicking it I then learned how it was constructed. So you know there was there. There was lots of learning through that not having enough kind of, or not having abundance of, everything or the access to everything like we've got now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really interesting. So when did you actually leave your country then 24. Thing so when did you actually leave your country then 24. So I think you might have said that at the beginning you were 24? Yeah, yeah, you were 24. And where did you go first of all when you were 24? Uk. You came over to the UK, yeah.
Speaker 1:So do you feel that living under that communist rule from being very young has affected your choices? Because obviously you know we haven't had that in the UK. I mean, as you said, suddenly at age eight you had this kind of abundance of things started flooding in and obviously you know when you came over here, you've just got. If you've got the finances, you can have what you want, but there's certainly, you know, lots of things to choose from without having to be super rich. So do you feel like your upbringing has affected you in any way when you're suddenly presented with all of these choices?
Speaker 1:Let's relate it to the war, to like World War II. So obviously people were rationed and then the war finished and I know it took many years to actually start for people to regain a regular life. It took a long time for food to start coming back into the country, etc. But I'm just thinking that then, when food was in regular supply, you know, did people suddenly become almost overwhelmed with the choices? You can either become overwhelmed by the amount of choice or you could go the other way and just want everything and want to experience everything again, and I don't know how it affected people, because I haven't talked to anybody who went through World War II, and it's an interesting question. But I'm just wondering, you know, relating that back to you, when you've been brought up with very strict guidelines to, as we've said, a very important age in your life, to then suddenly be faced with lots of choices and lots of options, how did that affect you? Was it overwhelming or have you always sort of stayed within your creative or just within your boundaries?
Speaker 2:It has given me that sense and that motivation to achieve, to go and want more can be the downfall because, like you, when you feel that you don't have enough, you think that when you're going to have all those things, that they will bring you the joy that they will bring you that that feeling of of of enoughness, and we know that that's just never going to happen. I was chasing it. I was chasing, I'm not saying the American dream in England, but in a way that's kind of making it in this world. But it's a very slippery slope, because when do you say that you've actually made it? When do you say you've that you've actually made it? When do you say when is that point? You know, and and I've given myself those, those points, thinking that winning, winning awards, it's gonna give me that and it didn't. Yeah, we're here to learn lessons and we're here to learn the lessons that we, that we're supposed to, and we're all doing it our own way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting. I saw a quote yesterday from Jim Carrey and he said I hope I wish everyone could experience fame and fortune, because then they would realize that that doesn't actually make them happy and it's not what they wanted, and I know a lot of people would go. It was easy for you to say that You've got the mansion and everything, but I think he has been on an amazing journey. Actually, if you read about him and there is definitely something in it and you've just said it there, haven't you? You chase these things.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's interesting, though, going back to the whole being brought up with a very strict regime and then been let loose into the world, and so, in a way, it was kind of where I was going with the world world war ii analogy and the food coming in that suddenly you want all this food because that's going to make you feel maybe whole or you're chasing something. So I wonder then, venduka, okay, that's interesting. So you've said it did make you want to chase the American dream. It did want to make you chase the awards and the success. Where do you think that was coming from? So let's go delve a little bit deeper then. What was it that was making.
Speaker 2:You want All of that From that inner feeling of not being enough that we, so many of us, are trying to fill and hide. And that's which is the source of why so many people, when they create something and then somebody comes and praise them, the first thing they point out are their mistakes, because internally they feel like, well, I'm not enough, my work is not good enough. I can't just accept that praise, you know, because it's not good enough.
Speaker 1:But where did that feeling for you of not being good enough come from? Was that something to do with your family? Or was it something to do with this very strict upbringing from the society you were living in, from the country's rules?
Speaker 2:It's a bit of both, one of the beliefs I used to carry, and I discovered that through healing sessions. If anybody asks for it, I have to give it to them. Before the First World War we were part of Austrian-Hungarian Empire. Then we had 20 years between the wars of being independent and we were back then. Czechoslovakia was amongst among the top economically and industrial countries in Europe. But then the German German came and we just give them whatever they wanted. Once we dealt with them. Then the then theussian came and we've just we've just given them so. So it's kind of like we never had as a, as a country, that autonomy. There was always that feeling of of, of, yeah, we, we are less than everybody else. For me, I guess that that's where it was coming from. And and, and you know, then sort of coming to to the western country, comparing myself, you know, then sort of coming to the Western country comparing myself, you know, comparing my past and then my present with people around, that's where that not enoughness was stemming from.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that's where ancestral trauma comes in, isn't it? Because I firmly believe that we all carry ancestral trauma. I mean, I've mentioned in a previous podcast that there have been experiments done with rats where they've bred rats and they've tested things on the original rats and then they've bred rats, done a slightly different experiment and their reactions have been the same because of the previous bloodline. I mean it's bizarre and how does that work, but it's proven that we carry these ancestral traumas. So I think for you, as you say, as a people, as a nation, even though you were eight when things started to change, you're probably taking on some of your parents' burden and their parents' burden. So that is really fascinating.
Speaker 2:I've got a very good German friend and she actually lived in the west part of Berlin during the separation. As a country, as a nation, they are still carrying the guilt and the shame of one man. It's incredible. It takes generations and people doing their work and people saying that's it, I will do the healing, I will do the work and I will stop this trauma. And it takes a lot of courage to do that, but it is possible.
Speaker 1:I know that we'll probably have some Germans listening, and it must be very difficult because, as a nation, you obviously know your country's history and we all know what happened in World War II and we all see so many films, don't we, based on the Holocaust and the absolute horror of it. And I think, as a younger person, you don't want to be, as we say, tarred with the same brush. You don't want people to believe that you would have behaved as your predecessors did. As we know, people who did stand up there were many Germans who did, and they lost their lives for it and they were tortured. It's a very difficult part of history and, as you say, people are still living with that guilt and shame of what happened in that period. So how do you feel that you have overgiven? I mean, you mentioned there that you've been in healing sessions, so have you had therapy?
Speaker 2:if you don't mind me asking for the issues, yeah, it didn't really start for any particular issues, I just always had this inclination to spirituality and you would always find me in the self-help section of the library or a bookstore, you know, and things like that. But things really started to shift and change when I I wouldn't really call it therapy, I would call it with healers, but you know, it's just just same same but different and actually went and and learn a theta healing modality, which is a beautiful modality, where you look for the patterns, where you look for the beliefs that are holding us somewhere and you go okay, what's underneath it? The biggest learning, the biggest thing that helps us, is actually understanding. Why are we holding on to those beliefs? How are they serving us? Take my sort of need for achievement. What was I sort of getting from that achievement? I was getting a sense of value.
Speaker 2:The trouble was that I was putting that value outside of myself. I was putting that value outside of myself and the moment we put anything outside of ourselves, or the moment we put the condition of that feeling, whether it's accomplishment or joy or love, whether we put the condition of it outside of ourselves, we are signing up for a failure. Yes, there might be people who will think that we've done well, or they will like us, etc. There is just as the same amount of people who are going to be threatened by our happiness, by our success, and they will be the naysayers. They will be the haters. Or what have you? And obviously the naysayers, they will be the haters. Or you know what have you? And obviously, the more visible you are, the more successful you are, the more happy you are, the more you trigger people.
Speaker 1:Totally agree with you there. Because as soon as you do start having success, then you will get the people who want to kind of dull that light in you because they can't find it within themselves. And then you start then comparing yourself because then you'll start questioning yourself If you haven't got it inside, if you haven't got that real self-worth inside, you won't believe it, you won't believe the success. That's why you keep seeking the validation, because you won't believe what anyone is giving to you. And, as you say, you can win the best in show quilt at the Festival of Quilts and I bet you were still sitting there thinking, but am I good enough really?
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly my need to achieve. I thought it will bring me that sense of achievement and, yes, okay, yeah, winning the best in a show at the Festival of Quills has brought me a sense of achievement. But I thought that I will feel better about myself and also I was giving it sort of out there. I thought that people will then think, oh, you know what, and the phone will start ringing and I will have bookings and book deals and sewing machine ambassadorships and things like that. And suddenly the phone didn't ring and you slip back into oh well, there's something wrong with me, I'm not enough. So the moment we put that I am enough on somebody else to give us that feeling, we're just never going to be happy. And so that was the biggest thing that I had to learn to find that enoughness inside of me. And I feel like in me being a teacher, I feel like it's a really nice, like a stepping stone or first step to feeling this way, because when I teach, I try to instill in people that feeling of, well, have you done your best today? And everybody says, well, yes, of course. Well then, that's enough. Is your best from today different from the one which is going to be in a year. Of course it is, but it doesn't make today's best better or worse than the one in a one year time. You know and it's the comparison which you know, when we start to compare ourselves to other people's success, to other people's journey and where they are on, that was another big thing for me to drop comparing myself and just take every day as it comes and live every day doing my best. That's all we can do.
Speaker 2:One thing we kind of need to realize is that we are only responsible for our own joy, for our own happiness, for our own feelings. No matter what you do, you can't change what other people feel, and because of that you should concentrate just on, just first on yourself. It's not that we can't help others, that we can't do things for others. I'm not saying that. But what I'm saying is that we can't help others, that we can't do things for others. I'm not saying that, but what I'm saying is that we are only responsible for our own selves. We're not responsible for anybody else's happiness and unfortunately, as a mother, that comes with our children as well I I can do my best for them, but I am not responsible for their own happiness, for, for how they feel.
Speaker 2:Because that, for example, you know, you've got these alcoholic parent, two siblings one becomes alcoholic, the other one doesn't. Never, never, never touches on alcohol. They both went through the same thing, they all had the same upbringing, you know, but each of them is responsible for their own behavior. One takes it as a oh well, this is how to live my life, okay, I'll continue the same as my parents. And the other one says no, I'm responsible, I'm accountable to myself and I'm choosing different. So we have to start with ourselves. We can inspire others, but we can't make them do anything. All the people who are listening to your beautiful podcast, everybody's going to take from different episodes different things.
Speaker 1:And you can't actually fix anybody else.
Speaker 1:There's a great phrase as well, just to go back to something you said, there's a great phrase that says you know, heal your own wounds so you don't bleed all over someone else.
Speaker 1:And I think that is brilliant, because, just going back to your cup being empty, if you are in a relationship with someone and you do not love yourself, you don't like yourself, you're just going to put that all over the person that you're dealing with, because you can't understand what it means to give someone unconditional love, to give someone real respect, to give someone real care and attention, because you can't give it to yourself, and maybe you can't give it to yourself, and maybe you can't give it to yourself because of your parents and what they gave to you.
Speaker 1:So, going back to your alcoholic thing there with the parents and the children, you know, the one child who was deeply affected by it is not able to break that cycle, and so they will then, you know, put that pain onto other people until they sort it out themselves, because the other you know person that pain onto other people until they sort it out themselves, because the other you know person the brother or sister can't, as you say they can't help that person. You've got to break your own addictions. You've got to. But you have to face these patterns as well. And that's the difficulty, isn't it, benduka? It's actually asking yourself those big questions.
Speaker 2:Our life starts with ourselves. I was quite lucky that I I don't even remember now what book it was, but it was one of the sort of first self-help book I've read in my teens. There was some written something in a sense of when, like when the life throws a big lock in front of you, you can either find a ways how to climb over it and and while doing that kind of better yourself, or or it might be a sign you know what this is. This is the wrong path. Go, go somewhere else. But you can also take that, take that uh log and carve something beautiful out of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we all have got those choices and what we do with them is is entirely up to us. And then comes back the non-judgment you not blaming ourselves for all those times when we thought, oh no, I'm just going to take this easy route through here. You know, sometimes that is the path. You know we don't always have to climb over every obstacle, over every obstacle. Sometimes we might have the inspiration, the courage, the strength to turn that into something beautiful.
Speaker 1:And I think also Benduka. Another really important thing to raise there and I did a reel about this the other day actually is if you feel like trying to climb that log and you start walking down the path and then you realize that you've made a mistake. You realize you've either been on this path before or you're on the wrong path. It's fine as long as you turn around and go back to another path maybe not go backwards, but find another route or find another path off. It's okay to make mistakes, which is what you're saying there.
Speaker 1:Don't judge yourself, and you know, if you do go back to that log, then that comes to what you just said Make something beautiful out of it. Realize that you took the path. It was the wrong path, but you took it, you felt it, you've learned from it and now you can make something lovely from that experience because it was a lesson. You're going to move forward in your life and make positive moves. So don't judge yourself for making a mistake, because I think that's the problem. A lot of people don't walk over that log because they're frightened it's the wrong direction. But sometimes you've got to take the wrong path to realize why it's the wrong path.
Speaker 2:Yeah absolutely. And also, again, it's kind of judging the path as wrong. If you've learned something from it, then it was never wrong. Exactly, we are every day doing our best, you know, and we are growing, we are learning. And another of my favorite quote is only people who do nothing make no mistakes.
Speaker 1:But they don't grow either and they often don't change, so they just stay absolutely stuck and rooted in there. And that's when the victim mentality comes on. That's when someone sits there and says I'm trapped, I can't do anything. I heard yesterday you know I was driving to pick up my daughter and the Bruce Springsteen song came on Dancing in the Dark. And you know it was one of the first times that I listened to the lyric yesterday and saw something new in that lyric. Because, of course, in that song he says I want to change my clothes, I want to change my hair, I want to change my face. I'm just getting older, I'm just tired, I've got to, I live in a dump like this, I've got to change something.
Speaker 1:And then he says you can't start a fire without a spark. So this guns for hire, even if we're just dancing in the dark. And what he's actually saying there is in order to get that spark, you have to light it in the dark. No one is going to give you the light. No one's going to put the light on for you. No one is going to. You know, yes, people going to put the light on for you, no one is going to. You know, yes, people can kind of guide you a bit, but no one is going to create that spark except you and unfortunately, quite often you have to start that from a dark place. Yeah, so you have to start dancing in the dark and also it often is what paralyzes us, if it's fear.
Speaker 2:In my healing journey, one of the wonderful questions that I have learned to ask is what's the worst thing that can happen? And when you face that and you go deep, you know like, okay, well, so that's the worst thing that could happen and what would be the worst thing about that? When you go quite, quite deep, you realize that quite often you come back to that, not enoughness or the fear of being alone by not doing that action. You are already there anyway. Yes, you are already alone anyway.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, it goes back to the validation that we were talking about. Yeah, yes, exactly. It goes back to the validation that we're talking about. If you don't do anything about it to fill that hole within yourself, you are going to end up always feeling alone because no one is going to validate you enough, but also you run out of people and you'll end up on your own and you'll hurt people along the way because you'll be using them for validation and eventually those people do turn around and go. Hang on a minute. What am I getting out of this? I'm just giving you what you want and they will leave. So, yeah, you're absolutely right. What is the worst that can happen? If you stay where you are, in that uncomfortable spot, you're going to stay uncomfortable anyway, so you may as well get uncomfortable in trying to do the change.
Speaker 1:So, venduka, what did you do for yourself then? Because we talk about healing journeys, I think I've had a friend or two who has said to me but how do you do it? What's the work that you talk of? Doing the work, doing the work, what's the work? What do I do? So what did you do to start filling that void within yourself? And obviously you realized that winning that award did not bring you the happiness that you craved. So how did you find it? What did you start to do?
Speaker 2:For me it was going inward. I started with meditations the modality that it was was theta healing and I fell in love with it so much that I became actually a practitioner as well, so that I could help others too, having those uncomfortable conversations with myself, because if we just keep avoiding them, they just going to be more and more uncomfortable. So it's kind of like what are you waiting for? You know, if you want to feel better, you have to start sitting with those uncomfortable moments and ask yourself why am I feeling uncomfortable? What is beyond that? Quite often it's guilt, it's shame, it's the fear. And when we face it, when we learn to be comfortable in that uncomfortableness or in that discomfort, that's when the peace comes, that's when the joy comes, that's when the freedom comes.
Speaker 1:One thing you have said to me is you know that you're now entering competitions because you want to, you know, give something back to yourself, but then you did that before because you were awarded the, you know, the best in show. So what's the difference then? What's, where's the change? How are you going to approach things differently? What's the rest of your journey, the next part of the journey, differently?
Speaker 2:What was the rest of your journey, the next part of the journey? So I've actually, in the last couple of years, qualified as a quilt judge as well, and that actually has taught me quite a lot. I can't be putting my worth into other people's hands. I feel like I've changed the reasoning why I'm entering now, and that is just to share my love for quilting, you know, just to share the joy If another award is going to happen, of course it's going to be great, of course it's going to be, you know, fun. It's not going to change how I feel about myself, so it's that intention behind it that has definitely changed.
Speaker 1:Do you ever feel yourself slipping back? We've talked there about when you make mistakes, so do you ever feel yourself slipping back into an old pattern, and how does that feel for you?
Speaker 2:Of course we all will slip, of course things will happen, but it gets easier. Sleep, you know, of course things will happen, but it gets easier. It definitely gets easier. And, like you said, it is that awareness and having that awareness. I've been part of this beautiful sisterhood kind of uh that my, that my meditation teacher has uh has created. We meet up every Thursdays and and have a theme every month. The main theme we work through is a surrender and we read Michael Singer's book, the Surrender Experiment, and we work with kind of strongly influenced by his work. You face the problem, the issue, the something, the problem, the issue, the something. And then you go through periods of kind of slipping and stepping back and slipping and stepping back, but the gaps between these slips are going to be bigger and bigger and bigger.
Speaker 1:And the slip I think is going to be smaller. I think the slip, you know, if you go back into the pattern, you very quickly realize, oh, I'm back into the pattern. You very quickly realize, oh, I'm back in the pattern, oh, I've got to get out. So it's a, it's a, it's a smaller fall, it's smaller fall exactly, and that is.
Speaker 2:That is the journey. What, what really helps is to have the right people around yourself, you know, surround yourself with people who can lift you from where you are, not keep you there. If you always hang out with the same people, how are you ever going to change?
Speaker 1:yeah, and another. Another thing that I read the other day, venduka, which is really important as well, is you have to go through that pain barrier because for people who have been repressing their emotions and pushing them down and not facing things, they can think to themselves right, I need to get help. I need to do this. I'll get myself a therapist and at first the therapist will give you the validation and attention and it will feel amazing. So you'll sit there going, oh, I'm healing, I'm healing, oh, I'm talking to my therapist, I'm healing. But maybe sort of nine months in or so, when that therapist starts getting down and down and start asking you the really difficult questions that you have to face about yourself, that's when a lot of people stop their therapy, because that's when it's like, oh wait, hang on.
Speaker 2:This is not as pleasant, as I thought it's going to be.
Speaker 1:This is not the fun ride I was hoping You're now challenging me and that's what it comes down to. You have to be challenged. Like we said, you have to face those difficult things.
Speaker 2:Have you heard of Neil, Neil Donald Walsh?
Speaker 2:No, so he wrote books, Conversations with God. I don't know if it was in one of those books or, but there is this story of a soul and it resonates with me because in my world I do believe that we've got a soul and everybody's got the soul, and that soul just came here on earth to learn certain lessons. In this story, this little soul wanted to experience forgiveness. So in order to do that, another soul said all right, I'll come down with you and I'll help you with that, but you have to remember. Or, in order for you to forgive me, I have to do something really bad to you. But I am doing it because, on a soul level, I really, really love you and I want you to have this experience. I want you to have this lesson Again. It doesn't justify abuse or anything bad, but it just shows us the whole thing from a different perspective. On a soul level. I feel that it's actually so difficult to put that karma on ourselves of hurting another in order for them to learn the lessons that they have to learn.
Speaker 1:I wonder what happened to that soul, though, that abused the person so they could experience forgiveness. That's a fascinating idea. I'm going to have to ask you a question, though, venduka. You know from the way you're talking. Have you been a victim then? Is this part of your story? Because the lack of self-worth and the you know is that you don't have to talk up, you don't have to go into it, but is this part of your story?
Speaker 2:strangely enough, it isn't okay. And and this is where I, when I, when I started, um, my my healing journey and learning about theta healing, um, I kind of felt like an, sometimes like an imposter, because I was just like, why am I here? I had a beautiful childhood, you know. I've got beautiful relationships with my sisters, with my, with, with my parents. It's just like what, what? Why am I here? What? What am I healing here from you know, um?
Speaker 2:But when you were saying that generational trauma, I also believe that we are not only passed down the harsh lessons, but we are also passed down the good lessons as well, and I feel that one of the gifts from my ancestors is that you do not have to learn the hard way, and that's why I've that approach to life of well, if I'm facing some difficulty, okay, what is it? What am I learning from this, rather than turning my back to it, because it's when we turn our back to it. It then comes and haunts us as worse, yeah, haunts us as worse, yeah. So in a way, I am embracing the fact that maybe I am here to show people that if they do the healing, if they do the work, then this is the life like my life is then what they are then creating for the future generations that they don't have to learn through the hardship, through the struggle and through the trauma.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a fantastic way of looking at it. Really, once again, really interesting, and my first thought was okay, I want to be a soul returning through your bloodline Next life, with all this learning and not have any of this bad stuff to go through. So, yeah, but that is a great way of looking at it. Yeah, it is true. So what is there to learn for you then? Venduka? Still, because obviously you've been on this journey. You've learned an awful lot. You're now going back into reentering this world and doing things for yourself which will bring you accolades and validation, but now you'll receive it from a different angle. But what lessons do you think you still have to learn then? What do you still have to?
Speaker 2:overcome. I feel I'm just going to let the universe show me.
Speaker 1:Yes, do you believe in science from the universe?
Speaker 2:Definitely, definitely, things are not happening for no reason, and I'm a definite believer of coincidences and synchronicities and things like that, definitely. And however we decide to communicate with the spirit world, with our soul, with our guides, world with our soul, with our, with our guides, uh, I, I very happily believe in in all this, um, what some other people might call nonsense, but uh, I, I, I strongly believe in all that and uh, I've got my, you know, oracle cards that I sometimes, you know, just sort of ask for, ask for guidance and things, and, um, definitely, if it, if it works for you, if, if that's that's how you get get the answers, surely, yeah, yeah, when it comes down to it, vanduka, in this life we need to find peace, and I think everybody listening to this podcast would agree with that, because everybody will have been through some sort of trauma in their life.
Speaker 1:Maybe they're still in in it, and that's the whole thing is breaking the blocks. How do we break those blocks? And I think, well, interestingly, sometimes I don't think we have to break anything. As you said, you're coming from a place of not being broken, but you're still healing, and I think it is about just finding that peace, and when you find the peace, you find the freedom, and so, in whatever way you can find that peace, that is the route to follow. And, as and as I've said, if it's for me, looking at number plates and trucks that go past and taking signs from the universe and then d, and then working that through and working through its process, that's great.
Speaker 1:Meditation, I think, is a wonderful thing. You don't have to sit there in yoga pants. You can simply close your eyes. If you're in the car waiting for the kids at school and you've got 15 minutes, sit in the car, close your eyes and just listen. Listen to what your subconscious tells you, listen to what your intuition is telling you. Listen to what your inner self is telling your higher self, if you want to take it that way. But that can be meditation. There are so many different ways. Read things, listen to podcasts, but just you know, benduka, keep searching, because the day you stop searching and the day you think you're healed, life is just worthless and meaningless. You have to keep searching, and that's searching through people, relationships, love, freedom, peace, happiness, exploration. We have to keep exploring. That's what we are as human beings.
Speaker 2:Definitely, and also it's, you know, finding the right teachers, the right books, the right communities. It's definitely, definitely helpful. It's definitely definitely helpful. There is a time for advice from, in my case, a healer or you know, and for somebody is a therapist, somebody who can guide you on that journey to self. But it is a journey to self, yeah, and let's be honest, nobody knows you better than yourself. Nobody's walked your shoes and we are.
Speaker 2:So it's so easy nowadays to be distracted by the screen, you know, by by life, that we forget that actually we've got all the answers. That is the most valuable thing, you know, and all the wisdom is inside of you. It just needs to quiet for long enough time, whether it's walk in the nature or sitting on a cushion with some nice music, whatever it is. That's what the experience here is about. You know. It's a journey to remember who we are, to remember what we are, that we are not a physical vessel with a little soul, but we are a big, massive, amazing soul with a little soul. But we are a big, massive, amazing soul with the tiny, little, very limited body that we have to deal with, you know. But we are so much more and we just need to remember so exactly and and gain that perspective.
Speaker 1:step right back. You know from that person who's doing that thing or that job that you're in, or whatever. Step right back and realize just how tiny that is. When you step back into the universe and you look down at what's actually happening and, like you say yes, see yourself as the soul here to learn. And it's not easy, it's difficult, but it's so important. But people like you, you're raising the consciousness, you're raising this vibration, you're raising people, and that is a wonderful thing to do and, as you say, to quiet the soul as well.
Speaker 1:You know, because I think a lot of people do the search and I think that's the first thing. You do the scrolling, you're reading the books. You're reading the books, you're looking at the memes, you're looking at the quotes. You know the little paragraphs that people do. Yes, all great, but that's the beginning. In the end, it comes down to being quiet and being honest with yourself, asking yourself those difficult questions. Yes, so, venduka, I always ask this at the end of an interview and it has been absolutely amazing listening to you today and hearing so many brilliant words of wisdom.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:What is your motto? Do you have a motto that carries you through your life? I mean, you've said about 36 today, but is there one big motto, that that you feel you always come back to?
Speaker 2:definitely every cloud have a silver lining, and so, whatever happens, trying to find the lesson, the good in it, when we are deep in it it's very often very difficult to see that good, not be too quick at judging anything that happens to us as, oh, that's a horrible thing, oh, that's a brilliant thing, because it's just with that time that we're going to see how it's turned out. And that comes with a beautiful story of a farmer who, you know, his horses run away. And people came oh, what a horrible thing. You know, your horses sort of run away. And he said, well, you know, it is what it is. And you know, two days later, that horse came back and brought four other wild horses with it, you know. And they were like, oh, this is amazing, you know, you've got now, you know five. They were like, oh, this is amazing, you know, you've got, now, you know five horses. How amazing is that? And he said, well, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:And then his son was trying to tame one of the horses and broke his leg. And people came and said, oh, what a horrible thing. You know, your son has broken his leg and now he can't help you work. And he said, well, it is what it is. And a couple of days the army came and they were taking every young, healthy, able man into the into the war with them, and they he had a broken leg, so so they didn't take him. They didn't took him, so then the villagers came again. Oh, what an amazing thing. So you know that not judging what is happening to you and just let the universe show you is what beauty is bringing to you. That is probably the biggest lesson, the biggest motto, the biggest thing I am living my life by and that has served me well in many situations 100% agree with you.
Speaker 1:And likewise, if you experience something that pharma did, you experience some pain. It's awful at the time. If you make a mistake, it's awful at the time, but just know that in a few days or a week or a month there will be some meaning to it and you'll go. I am so glad that that thing happened Because it showed me something. It showed me something about myself, or it showed me something about the other person. It showed me something that I needed to see. Even if you think you've made a misstep, you've done something wrong, you will have learned from it. I've had this experience so many times.
Speaker 1:My husband he had a heart attack. That heart attack has given him six months now to reassess how hard he was working. He's 60. Also his diet. He was a smoker and for years I had said you are a heart attack waiting to happen. Guess what it happened? He no longer smokes, changed his lifestyle, got very fit. But recently he had to go back and have his driving reassessed by the company he was working for and they have said that there were a couple of things that they weren't that sure about and they want him to have more instruction. And he's been doing this job for three years. So he was quite irritated. He was like well, I haven't sat in a truck for six months and you've put me through a driving test, basically. And of course he is still qualified. It's not a driving test, it was their driving test.
Speaker 1:Four days later a job came in with another company that was much better working hours was going to give him more time off to recover from his driving and he's going to be much better for his lifestyle. And I said to him you see, the universe always has a plan. He was disappointed, he wanted to get back to work, but actually a much better opportunity has come in because he couldn't work for that company and that company they still want him to be reassessed. But I said, yeah, but now you have another opportunity, so take that path. If it doesn't work out, you can still go back and then renegotiate where you are, but you've been given another path to choose and that's how sometimes things work out. So always see the silver in the cloud lining. And that leads us beautifully back to the very beginning of the interview, when you mentioned about that piece of fabric that had the uh error in it, that had the you know like a mistake in the print.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and something was made that was beautiful out of it. You couldn't have written this, could you? You could not have written this interview. You really couldn't. It's been an absolute joy and, of course, I do wish you much success, your entrance into the foq. And for anybody listening as well, we should say that Benduka is teaching with us over on Crafty Monkeys a wonderful quilted jacket. So head over to the website there, craftymonkeyscom. Little plug there for the other sister company. If you want to work with Benduka, that would be a great way to do it. But I'll put all the details, benduka, of where people can follow you in the description box wherever people are listening or watching this, so that people can see your wonderful work and get to work with you in some shape or form. But thank you so much. It's been an absolute privilege and a joy and you've said so many things that we all need to take on board, whoever we are and wherever we are in our life yeah, well, thank you very much.
Speaker 2:It was. It was real joy to to share all the wisdoms that I have learned, uh, on my on my healing journey and, um, yeah, happy to, happy to be here and happy to support people wherever they are yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Oh, and just one thing say because you've done this healing journey, by the way, you're going to be able to give back to people more than you ever gave when you felt you were overgiving because you were giving from the wrong place, and now you've actually found yourself and healed yourself. What you give to people will be worth so much more than it was back then. So in the end it's a full circle for everybody, it's a win-win. Thank you Just before you go, lovely listener, can I ask you a favor?
Speaker 1:If you have a friend who you think would enjoy listening to this podcast, would you mind please telling them about it? It helps me to spread the word and you never know, they might get a life lesson out of it or, at the very least, just have a lovely 40 minutes of relaxing time for themselves. The second thing to say is that if you have enjoyed this, it would really help me if you would give me a little quick like or a comment, especially if you're listening on one of the podcast platforms. It just means that when anybody lands on the page, they can see that people have reviewed it, they've liked it, enjoyed it and got something out of it. So if you wouldn't mind leaving me a review, that would be amazing. And the final thing to say is that if you are a business and you're thinking how do I get my message out there, well, you could do it on this podcast. No-transcript.
