The Loneliest People Are Usually the Ones Holding Everyone Else Together | Healing After Hours

Some of the people who check on everyone else are quietly struggling the most themselves.

There are moments where you become the strong one by default. The person people lean on. The one who listens, comforts, helps, encourages, and carries everyone else emotionally… while silently neglecting what’s happening inside of you.

From the outside, it may look like you’re holding everything together, but internally, you may feel emotionally exhausted, unseen, or deeply alone.

In this episode of Healing After Hours, we talk about the loneliness that can come from constantly being the strong one, the emotional weight of always showing up for others, and what happens when no one realizes you need support too.

If you’ve been carrying people emotionally while quietly falling apart yourself, this conversation is for you.

Take a moment to slow down, breathe, and allow yourself to feel seen for once.

⚠️ PODCAST DISCLAIMER

This podcast is shared for emotional encouragement, reflection, and faith-centered conversation. It is not a substitute for professional mental health care, therapy, medical advice, or licensed counseling.

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need professional support, please seek help from a qualified professional.

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If this episode spoke to you, follow Healing After Hours so you always have a space to come back to during heavy moments.

This podcast is for the people who carry a lot internally, overthink late at night, and are trying to heal while still functioning through life.

New episodes share honest conversations, emotional reflections, healing-centered thoughts, and reminders that you don’t always have to be the strong one.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey loves, as you can see, or if you did not notice, my podcast name has changed to Healing After Hours. I kind of want to reel it in everything that I've put up here and make this a space of comfort, a space of healing, a space where you can just come listen, and prayerfully something hits you about what I'm saying. You just feel like you're having a conversation with your friend because listen, we all are friends, sisters, cousins, everything in Christ, and I wanted a space where you can feel heard and you can actually get some type of relief and get some type of something that can help you on your journey throughout your day, whatever it may be. But healing after hours is a space where you can get your tea, your coffee, um, maybe some juice and something, and relax. And you can feel like we're having a one-on-one conversation with me right there on your couch, right there in your house, in your living room, and we just chit-chatting. The main goal of this podcast is to just talk and to get it out and to feel seen and heard, so that's why the sudden name change. I am going to go ahead and keep all of my previous podcast episodes because I feel like they can help you as well. We're not gonna change anything, okay? I don't want this to be a picture perfect moment because I've always wanted that for a lot of the things that I've done. But in this season of my life, I just want to talk to you, I just want you to feel heard and seen. I just want to have a conversation, and who knows? One day we might can take this healing of the hours on the road. But as far as now, we're just gonna be talking, we're gonna be working through some issues, some things God has been revealing to us, seasons in our life that we didn't know we was in a season. We are gonna just work through all of those things after hours, okay? After the day has stopped, the moment has come still, and you are still left with oh my goodness, what is going on? I'm here for you with the help of the Lord, of course. So I will not be trying not to edit this. You can might have a hear a lot of ums, a lot of mess ups, but listen, if we talking one-on-one a conversation, honey, ain't no time for editing as long as the message gets across, right? Right, but I do pray that your day has been good. I pray that you have been well, and if it did not go the best, I know it's gonna get better because what we trust in a living God who sees us through each and everything that we go through. Now, as always, I got a little good topic for you. So, today the topic is just about the loneliest people are usually the ones holding everyone else together. Now, that's just the title of it, okay? But we're gonna get into a little bit of why you could be lonely and how you're gonna have to like lay that to the side, other people's burdens and problems. You can no longer carry those, they are not yours to bear, and you may not realize that you have been packing on so much emotional baggage from others. Yes, you have, because God has allowed me to see that in my life, and a lot of these things that we're gonna be talking about, and even previous ones, I kind of they kind of root from things that I've experienced, and right now I've been seeing myself in a different light from the Lord. Um, I didn't realize how let's go ahead and get into it, okay? So let's get into it, y'all. But I really didn't realize how lonely I was, and it stems from carrying everything else, worrying about other people, making sure everyone else is good. I kind of felt left out and did not see myself in that light for the longest. I felt like I just need you know, somebody sometimes you can have a bunch of people around you or have a bunch of family members, a lot of friends, but it's just not that person, right? It's just not that one person you could depend on, lean on, and I kind of wanted that for my life, but gotta show me that that's not important. Let's say that it's not important because sometimes you can give so much and you do not receive a lot on in return. You can pour so much into others, you can make sure everybody got themselves together, but at the end of the day, you're looking around and say, Who do I really, really have? Who can pour into me? Who can uplift me? Who can I can lean on them when I'm feeling weak? And you got yourself into a position where everyone sees you as this strong person, everyone sees you as a problem solver, but they don't see that you need help, they don't see that you need someone to talk to, they don't see the hurt and the turmoil that goes on inside of you. And today I'm here to just encourage you and to direct you into a better light. You're gonna have to get into a place where you know where to stop, you know when to pump the brakes, and you know when to give out a no or I can't do it, or let me um see about it. You're quick to give a good yes, you're quick to say, I got it, I'll help you, I'll do it. Not realizing that you're running on fumes and you don't have any more to give because you have not filled your cup back up, as we hear a lot. That's like the best analogy, right? Fill your cup up. You can't run on a half-empty, full, whatever the term is with the glass, yeah. You know what I'm trying to say. So you have to know when to I would say balance, you need a good balance because if you're anything like me, I do love helping others, I do love making sure other people around me are good because if they I feel like if they're not good, I'm not good, and I kind of pack that burden on myself. When you know the Lord tells us to give all our burdens, all our cares to him, you know, he'll help us, he'll fix it. But we're trying to pretty much quote unquote play other people's God, we're trying to fix them, make them better, and this, that, and the third without even realizing it, you know, you just try to you feel like it's just in you to do, but you have to balance it all out. Go as far as you can go, no more than that. If you see that you help someone all day long, and at the end of the day, you're left drained. Well, I can't help you tomorrow because I have to pour into me, I have to take a breather, I have to get things that I need done done, and that is just like a little small example, right? Um, if you see if someone comes and asks you to host an event or they come and say, I need a little bit of help, but you already know that you volunteered for something else two days ago that has to come up. You cannot take on anything else, you cannot take on any more roles to that. You have pretty much booked yourself out. Let's say that you know, people say they're booked and busy with all these different things, physically, mentally, you're booked and busy because you have made sure everyone around you were doing well, and of course, if you know have a family, you have a husband, you have children, you have all these different things, you do want to make sure everybody was okay. But even with them, you're gonna have to start delegating things to your children if they're of age. I feel like if your children can walk and do a little bit of babbling, they're they want to be taught how to clean up, they want to be taught. You know, you can make it fun, you can make it this so that it instills in them when I'm done with this, I have to put it up, and it's so fun to do. Even our husbands, oh yes, our lovely, lovely husbands. We gotta we kind of gotta guide them a little bit that hopefully they will help us more, right? They will help in different areas without us telling them. We know how let's say some men can be. I don't know if I got any fellas listening out there. I just know you're not like this. I know you're just great and wonderful and amazing, but some of them have to be kind of guided as well, and we just like listen, I need you to help me, and I also believe that if you do not communicate, because maybe you're a person that you don't know how to communicate, or you don't think you and you are an effective communicator to get your point across or to get someone to see what you need to them to see. I need you to work on that, work on expressing how you feel in a calm manner, expressing things that are bothering you, talking to your husband, your um your spouse, whoever or the person that just keeps piling things on, because we do have those people that think that you are superwoman, and they say, I know she got it. Let me ask her. You don't have to communicate to them as well, like I can't do it right now. You know, I would love to, but right now, um I'm not willing to do that, but maybe you I can guide you to someone else who's willing to help. Now, we know that we're holding everybody else together, and um, we feel so empty inside, and you feel like you know, there's joy coming from helping others, but sometimes you can be piling more on yourself because you feel like you're letting people down if you say no, you're you're not portraying the best you possible, or maybe you're one of those people who don't want others to talk about you, you feel like they're talking about you. And in reality, I'm pretty sure they're not, but you just never know what other people do. We can only control ourselves, how we think, how we operate. So, the best thing that we're gonna start doing is when we wake up, we're gonna ask God to help us command our day to go with the will of the Lord, to command our emotions, to fall in line with how who we are inside, not what we think about ourselves, but who we truly, truly are. Because God knows that we're loving, kind, God knows that we will give a person a shirt off our back, the shoes on our feet. He knows all these things, but also the enemy knows as well. So if he can send different people to burn you out, he's gonna do that. If he knows that you're a person that will not say no, he's gonna constantly be sending people just to test you and to see what you will do. But you want to stand firm and true in who you are and know that that you are a good person, know that you will help who you can help, but also now is a time to take control, that control of you, and no longer will be feeling lonely, no longer will giving yourself over and up to other people and situations serve you because now is a time to get you know mental clarity, physical clarity, all of these things that you need for you to continue to operate and operate at your full capacity. Now I know that different days will hold different weights, it everything is not gonna be the same each and every day, but you have to start somewhere. We're not looking at the ego, we can we do it's not even go that far. We are looking at now and what we can do today to delegate different things to other people or what we can actually accomplish today. We're not gonna extend ourselves to everybody else or tomorrow. Let's say tomorrow, because you know we are after our time, but tomorrow, Lord, when when you wake up, say Lord, when I wake up, um I thank you. I want to give thanks to you, gratitude for another day, for another chance at life, and I pray that this day go with your will, God. What is your will for today? And I pray that I operate in it, no more, no less. Excuse me, y'all. Now is the time to be now the time to live a life that's pleasing to God, first and foremost, but a life that you're satisfied with, a life where you can look and say, I'm at peace, I enjoy the day, I enjoy my life, I'm happy, I'm grateful, and I'm thankful. Not who can I help, what's coming up next. Oh, this is overwhelming. I am just so tired. I just want to be done with the day. We don't want to be living, and each time five or six o'clock hit in the afternoon, we're like, I'm just over today. Because you have no more to give to those closest to you, the ones that you live with, the ones that get to see the good you, the bad you, the tired you, the happy you, the sad you. They see all these different emotions, and no longer will everybody else drain you. No longer will they take from you and not give. That does not serve us, and let's say us. And during this transition, it may feel a little uneasy, you may feel off, you may you're gonna still feel like you are hurting other people's feelings, you're still gonna feel like you could have done more, or maybe you should have said yes, or maybe you should have just done it, just sucked it up and done it. But no, whenever you feel those thoughts or have those thoughts, you're gonna take back control of your mind and say, Nope, I made the best decision possible for me because I'm putting me first, because God does not want you to feel lonely, because that is that is not not who God is. God has not put us here, He put us here for community, of course, for people to interact, to have loved ones and and people that come into your life because you're gonna have some that go as well. Everyone is not meant to stay in your life, but you are holding on to everybody, everything, because you have a tight grip. I'm asking you to open your hands and release the hold that you have been carrying, which is everyone else, and holding everybody else together. Being the glue isn't always good, okay. Let somebody else glue stuff together, let somebody else hold it together. Because even in a marriage, in a home, you are not just the only one holding everything together. Yeah, you may be the one delegating and telling everything about it what to do, but you have to give over some things. Like I said in the beginning, if your children are old enough to do little things, or let them do it. You have to let people do things. It's not okay to feel like you can do everything because that's not how God has set us up, He has someone purpose for everything, even in the Bible. Okay, God got you, and now is the time to let go and definitely let God, okay. All right, so I think we're gonna leave it here um tonight or in the morning. Whenever you're listening to this, I am really, really happy that you're here. I'm very thankful that you came and enjoyed a little bit of sit-down chit-chat with me. Um, this is really a blessing to kind of move into this different area that I feel comfortable in, and maybe one day I'll share a story with y'all of how we kind of circle back to this type of podcasting. Um, I'm really excited about it, what this journey ahead is going to do. More storytelling, um, more different things. So if you got any comments, you know, just leave me a comment and tell me where you're listening from. Um, or you can email me um different topics maybe that you um different things you're experiencing. Like I said, we are just talking to each other. This is just a comfortable chit-chat topic, you know, just sisters talking to each other and getting things off our chest and healing through it all because there's no need in us talking if we're not healing or getting some type of something from the conversation that we can take away, just a little tool that can help us be better. I also do a um blog that you guys can follow, it's the same thing healing after hours, and I have a YouTube as well. It is one moment in his presence where over there it's more like um prayers, relaxing prayers, just talks as well, um, going on over there that you can play throughout the night with you and praying and knowing and believing that God is meeting you there. So you may hear different little changes on the podcast as we go forward, but I do pray that you come back, listen in. I don't know what days I'm gonna be posting as of yet. I don't want to give you guys a day, but just know that it will be weekly um podcast episodes, and I just want you guys to just feel comfortable, feel like her, feel seen, and know that I am here for you. Okay, all right, so you be blessed.