#75 Healing the Inner Child: Why Your Past Still Affects Your Confidence and Relationships

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Your “confidence issues” might actually be safety issues. And once you see that, everything starts to make sense.

In Episode 75, Healing the Inner Child: Why Your Past Still Affects Your Confidence and Relationships, Billy shares how your inner child can quietly shape your triggers, boundaries, self-worth, and the way you show up in love. This is not a trendy concept. It is a grounded conversation about why your patterns formed, and how you can begin creating real inner safety.

In this episode, you will learn:
• Why your nervous system still reacts to old experiences 
• Why people-pleasing, perfectionism, overthinking and overgiving are often protection 
• How to stop shaming yourself for patterns that helped you survive 
• Three gentle questions to create one moment of safety this week 

Tune in to this episode today and give yourself permission to heal, without rushing or performing. If this helps you, share it with a woman who needs safety more than pressure.

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Download the Inner Child Safety Reset (FREE One-Page Worksheet)
If you want something practical you can use in real life moments, download the Inner Child Safety Reset one-pager. It is designed to help you settle your body and create one small moment of safety when you feel triggered, tense, or not enough.
Click here to download
 

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Billy’s self-paced programme Release and Rise opens in March 2026. It is a healing pathway to help you release emotional weight, rebuild self-worth, and rise into the woman you are underneath the survival patterns.
Join the priority list for first access and early bird details

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Transcript

Imagine learning to truly trust and believe in yourself. Imagine rising above self-doubts and knowing deep down that you are enough exactly as you are.

Now imagine showing up as your most authentic self, the person you were born to be. Free, lovable and unstoppable.

Welcome to the Billy Boss show. This is your space. If you're ready to stand up for yourself to shine from within and live fully. If you're ready to be, do and have more, more love, more joy, more laughter, both personally and professionally, you are in the right place. 

I'm your host, Billy Boss, and you're listening to the Billy Boss Show. 

Hello and welcome to Billy Boss Show your pathway to healing, self-worth, and real confidence. I'm Billy Boss, your host, and I'm here to help women heal deeply, rise powerfully, and come home to themselves not through perfection, but through truth. 

Now, if you're new here, welcome my friend. Let me just reassure you. This podcast is your pathway back to yourself, back to your healing, back to your self-worth, back to real confidence. No, not the loud kind of confidence, but the grounded kind. The kind that holds you steady when life gets messy. 

And because this is the first episode of 2026, I want to start with something that sits at the very center of everything that I do teach everything that I do, share, everything that I show up for and honestly, everything I've lived. 

And if this conversation lands for you and you want something practical to use in real life moment, I've created one page worksheet called the Inner Child Safety reset. You can grab that via the link provided in the show notes. Wherever you're listening to this episode. And my friend, you're welcome. 

So, as I said, today we are going to talk about the inner child. 

Now, when I say inner child, I don't use that word or those words as a trendy concept, not even as a buzzword, but as a real living part of you that can quietly shape your choices, your relationships, your confidence, and the way you see yourself. 

And I want to tell you a story now by me telling you a story I don't want you to think, oh, I'm dumping my pain on you. Not at all. Nor that I want to shock you, but to give you a bit of a context to why I care about this so much and why, if you've ever felt too much or not enough, this episode might land in your chest at the right time, because for a very long time, that was my whole life living with the feelings that something about me was wrong. 

I didn't have the words for it back then. I just knew I was always either on edge, I was tensed, I was always holding my breath. I was always waiting for something to go wrong. 

For no particular reason, I was always on some high alert, always preparing for some type of impact, always trying to work out what version of me would be the most acceptable in the room or at that moment in my life. 

And that pattern didn't start in my adulthood. It really started much earlier. 

I was left with a foster family when I was still a baby, only seventeen days old now, my mum, she needed to work and she did visit me throughout the year, but maybe not enough as much as child or baby would love to be visited. 

And even though I was too young to understand what's really happening, I didn't even know how emotionally this could have impacted me. 

Then my body learned something. In fact, my nervous system learned something. And it learned that people do live. It learned that love isn't consistent. It learned that belonging can disappear and you can be left on your own. 

And then later, from around the age of six to age of almost eighteen, I experienced abuse from my father. Mental abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, not to mention sexual abuse. 

And when that happens to a child, the world changes. Not just the world outside you, but the world inside you. 

Because when you are little and you're heard by the people or environments you should be safe in, you don't think this is wrong. You think this must be me. 

You start shaping yourself around survival. You become the good girl. You become the quiet girl. You then become the girl that's helping everyone around her. You become the one who doesn't need much. You become the one who keeps the peace. You become the one who tries to be liked. 

Not because you're fake, but because you are trying to stay safe. 

And I want to pause here and say if you relate to any of what I just mentioned. The good girl. The quiet one. The peacemaker one. The one who needs to or tries to be liked. If you relate to any of what I just mentioned with my whole heart, with my whole mind and body, let me just tell you, I feel you and I see you. 

Because many women grow up believing they have confidence issues when really, they have safety issues. They don't feel safe to be seen, safe to be honest, safe to take up space. 

So, for many, many years, I carried that into everything, into my relationships, into my friendships, my self-image, my body, food, anxiety, depression, attachment issues. 

I found myself repeating toxic patterns not because I wanted pain, but because pain was familiar, pain was predictable. 

So, when I talk about healing, I'm not talking about something I read in a book. I'm talking about the moment you realise I'm not broken, I am patent. 

So, I'm going to encourage you to recognise right this moment that you are not broken. You are patent. 

And that's where the inner child comes in, because your inner child is part of you. That still carries the emotional memory of what you lived through. 

It's the part of you that learned whether your needs are met, whether your feelings were welcomed, whether you had to earn affection, whether it was safe to speak up. 

It's part of you that still carries that emotional memory of what you lived through, whether it was safe to be you. 

And even when you grow up, that part doesn't disappear. It just gets quieter and more influential. 

It shows up in your reactions, in your triggers, in what you tolerate, in what you choose, in what you fear. 

And sometimes it shows up in the smallest moments, like when someone's tone changes and suddenly your body is on edge, or when a partner pulls away and your mind starts spiralling. 

Or when you worry to set your boundaries, but you feel sick with the guilt. Or when you are doing everything right and still you feel like you are not enough. 

Now my friend, that isn't you being dramatic. That's your nervous system. Remembering what it learned a long, long, long time ago. 

And he is one of the most truths I can give you right now. Most of your bad habits that we call them bad habits aren't bad habits. They are protective responses. 

Let me say that again. Most of your bad habits aren't bad habits. They are protective responses. 

People pleasing. Often. Protection. Procrastination. Protection. Perfectionism. Often. Protection. 

Avoiding conflict. Often. Protection. Shutting down protection. Overgiving most often protection. 

Even staying in relationships that doesn't feel good. Sometimes that's a protection from the fear of being alone, because a younger part of you believes if you just do it right, they'll stay. 

If I don't upset anyone, I'll be safe. If I'm easy to be loved, I won't be rejected. 

And if you've lived with that for some period of time, I want you to hear this with so much softness right now. You didn't choose those patterns because you're weak. You develop them because you were smart enough to survive. 

And let me say this again. You didn't choose these patterns because you are weak. You develop them because you were smart enough to survive. 

But survival, my friend, and freedom are not the same things. 

And 2026, For you and for me, it's all about freedom. It's the inner freedom. 

That's why this podcast is built around this framework healing, rising, leading and living. 

Because healing is the foundation. If you skip healing and you try to jump straight to confidence, it can feel like you're putting makeup over an open wound. 

But when you heal, something changes. You rise. 

And when you rise, you start to lead. You start to lead your life, your emotions, your choices. 

And when you live, you live fully. You live honestly without abandoning yourself. 

Now I want to give you something you can take with you today. And it's not a lecture. Not a checklist. Just a moment of connection. 

Now, if you can just take one slow breath in and breathe out a little longer than you breathe in. So slow breath in and breathe out a little longer. 

And ask yourself gently, what version of me did I have to become to be accepted and sit with that for a second? 

So what version of me did I have to become to be accepted? 

Maybe you had to become an achiever. Maybe you had to become a some type of character. Maybe you had to become a quiet one. Maybe you had to become a tough one. 

And then ask yourself, what did that version of me cost me? 

Because sometimes the cost is in your voice. You don't speak up. 

Sometimes the cost is in your boundaries. So, you really let people walk all over you. 

Sometimes the cost is in your room. There is never a time for you to rest. You're always on the go. 

Sometimes the cost is in your relationship with your body. You're abusing your body, overeating over drinking, drugs, whatever it is. 

Sometimes the cost is in your ability to trust. 

And let me tell you, my friends, all of these that I've just mentioned, who I needed to become and what really cost me, that was all me. I've experienced all of those things. 

And then one more question. And this question is very, very powerful. 

What would it look like this week to give that younger part of me one moment of safety? 

So I'll say it again. What would it look like this week to give that younger part of me one moment of safety? 

Not a whole new life. Not perfection. Just one moment. What would it look like? 

And it might be. Maybe just saying no without explaining yourself to someone. Maybe choosing rest without feeling guilty. Maybe telling the truth instead of performing. Maybe taking one step towards a support. Maybe asking for help or support. 

Maybe speaking to yourself kindly for once in your life, or maybe for the first time in your life. 

Because inner child healing isn't just talking about the past. It's reparenting yourself in the present. It's becoming the safe adult you needed. 

And I'll be honest with you, that's the work. That's the real work. But it's also the most liberating work you will ever do for yourself. 

So, if this episode has you thinking this is me, I really need to do something with my life. I really want the change, but I don't want to do it alone. 

I've created something for you. My programme, Release and Rise is opening in March. It's a self-paced programme with lots of support. It's a healing pathway designed to help you release emotional weight, rebuild self-worth, and rise into the woman you know you are underneath all the survival patterns. 

If you want first, access. The early bird details join the priority list. The link is in the show notes. 

And before you go, here's what I want you to remember. Your parents. They do make sense. Your nervous system adapted and you are not too far gone. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are on your way.  

So, my friend, thank you for being here with me. This is just the beginning. This is just the beginning of 2026. 

I would love to hear your thoughts. Tag me on social media when you share this episode and let me know what resonated with you. 

When we share this message, we help create a ripple effect of positive change.