#76 How to Build Confidence: Tiny Habits That Strengthen Self-Worth (When Life Feels Messy)

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If you’ve been trying to figure out how to build confidence when you feel shaky, triggered, overwhelmed, or stuck in people-pleasing, this episode will meet you with honesty and practical tools.

In Episode 76, How to Build Confidence: Tiny Habits That Strengthen Self-Worth (When Life Feels Messy), Billy reframes confidence as self-trust, not perfection, volume, or “having it all together”. If your confidence has been drained by stress, past experiences, anxiety, or self-doubt, you’re not broken. Your nervous system has been protecting you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why “low confidence” is often a safety response, not a personality flaw
• How self-worth grows through small, consistent evidence
• Tiny daily habits that rebuild self-trust, boundaries, and inner safety
• How to interrupt the self-doubt spiral with one powerful question
• Why messy action is one of the fastest ways to rebuild confidence

Tune in to this episode and choose one tiny habit today. Your confidence doesn’t need pressure. It needs consistency and self-leadership.

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Download the 7-Day Confidence Reset (FREE Worksheet)
If you want a simple plan you can actually follow, download the 7-Day Confidence Reset. It includes a daily 5–10 minute practice, confidence-building prompts, and tiny “kept promises” that help you create real self-trust without pressure or perfection.
Click here to download


Join the Release and Rise Priority List
If these tiny habits are helping, but you know you’re ready for deeper healing and lasting change, Release and Rise is for you. This self-paced programme (opening March 2026) will guide you to release emotional weight, rebuild self-worth, and rise into the woman you are underneath the survival patterns, with practical tools you can use in real life.
Join the priority list for first access and early bird details

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Transcript

Imagine learning to truly trust and believe in yourself. Imagine rising above self-doubts and knowing deep down that you are enough exactly as you are. 

Now imagine showing up as your most authentic self, the person you were born to be: free, loveable, and unstoppable.

Welcome to The Billy Boss Show. This is your space. If you’re ready to stand up for yourself, to shine from within, and live fully. If you’re ready to be, do, and have more… more love, more joy, more laughter, both personally and professionally, you are in the right place.

I’m your host, Billy Boss, and you’re listening to The Billy Boss Show.

Welcome back to The Billy Boss Show. This is Billy, your host, and this is your pathway to healing, self-worth, and real confidence.

Today we are talking about something I know so many women crave for, and also something many women secretly feel ashamed about struggling with, and that is confidence.

And I want to say this from the get-go: confidence isn’t something you either have or you don’t. Confidence is something you build. Confidence is a skill, and skill can be learned.

Most of the time, you build confidence with the smallest steps in the smallest moments. Not the big steps, not the big moments, but the majority of the time we underestimate the power of small steps.

Now, many ladies will tell me, “Oh Billy, you’re so lucky. Look at you, you’re so confident.” But I didn’t grow up with confidence. I grew up hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant, always scanning people or things around me. Always prepared for something going wrong. Always trying to work out what version of me would be accepted, what version of me would be liked, or what version of me would be safe.

So, I did not grow up with confidence.

When you’ve experienced abandonment, abuse, rejection, your nervous system doesn’t prioritise confidence. So think about what you’ve experienced in your life, so your nervous system would not prioritise confidence. In fact, it will prioritise survival.

So what it did with me: it prioritised survival. And survival often looks like staying very quiet, being agreeable, not drawing attention to you or the things that you do, not needing too much. You’re pretty much in some type of hiding, trying to be perfect so you can’t be criticised.

That’s how survival looks.

So for years, what looked like lack of confidence was actually a deep fear of being seen. A deep fear of being judged, abandoned, or a deep fear of being hurt.

And if you’ve been listening and thinking, “That’s me, Billy, you’re really talking to me. I overthink, I shrink, I don’t speak up,” I want you to know something: you are not weak. You are patterned. And this is something that I shared in the previous episode, so if you didn’t have a chance to listen to it, please—whenever you grab that first fifteen minutes of free time, go and listen to that episode.

You are not weak. You are patterned.

Now, let’s talk about how to build confidence in a way that’s real, that is sustainable, and emotionally safe.

Start with the truth that confidence is self-trust.

The word confidence actually comes from the Latin word confidentia, which means firm trust or assurance. And it’s built from con meaning “with” and fidere meaning “to trust”.

So, when you strip confidence back to its true origin, it’s not about being loud. It’s not about being impressive. It’s not having it all together. It’s simply trust.

And that’s why I say confidence is self-trust.

It’s the quiet inner knowledge that you can rely on yourself, that you can handle whatever comes, and you won’t abandon you when things get hard.

So, trusting in yourself.

So, when we speak about confidence, we speak about trusting your amazing self.

And self-trust isn’t built by reading quotes or waiting to feel ready. In fact, we are never ready for anything. The majority of the things in life, we are never ready.

Self-trust is built when you repeatedly prove to yourself: “I can rely on me. I can keep my word to me. I can handle discomfort and still choose myself.”

This is it. That’s how self-trust is built: honouring what you promise to yourself.

So today, my friend, I’m going to give you tiny confidence habits: simple practices that rebuild self-worth and self-trust, especially when life feels a little messy.

And just to take the pressure off: you don’t need to do all of this. I’ll give you six practical habits, but I want you to pick one or two and keep it at least up to seven days. Be consistent. Show up. That’s how confidence habits actually work: small, consistent, not perfect.

So let’s start with habit one.

Habit 1: Keep one small promise to yourself daily

This one is the foundation: keeping one small promise to yourself on a daily basis.

Now, if your world has been chaotic for a very long time, if you’ve been experiencing anxiety, self-doubt, people-pleasing…let me tell you: confidence feels impossible because your body doesn’t feel safe.

So in step one, keeping one small promise to yourself, we need to start with some type of evidence. We need to see progress.

The best way to do this is to choose one small promise you can keep daily for seven days, whatever that is. You pick what that is.

For example, let’s say you have a health goal in mind. Small steps or promises might be:

• A full glass of water in the morning.
• A ten-minute walk daily.
• Five minutes of journalling about your health journey, your vision, the outcome        you’re moving towards.
• Taking your supplements.
• Putting your phone away for twenty minutes.

And every time you keep a promise to yourself, you are telling your nervous system: “I matter. I’m reliable. I’m safe with me. I’m honouring me. I’m putting myself first.”

And if you’ve never had consistent safety from others, learning to give it to yourself is life-changing.

Let me say that again: if you never experienced consistent safety from others, giving it to yourself, learning to give that safety to yourself, it is life-changing.

So try this habit. Let me know how you go with it.

Habit 2: One courageous sentence a day

Your voice matters. How you speak to yourself, it really matters.

Confidence isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s simply telling the truth.

One courageous sentence a day could be:

• “I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
• “I need help.”
• “I need time to think.”
• “I don’t agree.”
• “That didn’t feel good for me.”
• “I’m not available for that.”

All of these sentences are boundaries.

Now, if you are used to people-pleasing, this will feel uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, it just means this is new to you. Your nervous system is adapting to new things.

And if you grew up learning that speaking up wasn’t safe, your body may react like you’re in danger when you set a boundary.

Let me reassure you: that is normal. We are teaching the body a new truth.

Habit 3: The self-worth pause when you’re triggered

Let’s make this very practical.

When you feel self-doubt, anxiety, or that old feeling of “I’m not enough”, I want you to do this instead:

Put your hand on your chest, on your heart, and exhale longer than you inhale. Do that two to three times. This allows you to calm down a little. It gives you that pause.

Then ask yourself: “What am I making this mean about me?”

And then respond with a new statement, like:

• “I am safe enough to choose differently.”
• “I am in charge of who I am right now.”
• “I do not need to earn my worth today.”

Here’s an example: you post something online and you don’t get the response you wanted. Your mind goes, “See? No one cares. People don’t like me.” You feel rejected, judged, and the spiral goes on and on.

That’s not the truth. That’s your wound speaking.

So, pause and ask: “What am I making this mean about me?”

The self-worth pause interrupts the spiral before it becomes identity.

Habit 4: Do one messy action per day

I shouldn’t have favourites, but I love this one.

Confidence grows through action. If you want to build confidence, you must practice doing things imperfectly.

Things will never be perfect. We can only improve. But there is no such thing as perfect.

So do it messy.

Have a conversation with somebody you’ve never had before, unprepared. Book that appointment, messy. Try software you’ve never used, messy.

I’m actually doing that right now. I’m trying a new platform for my podcast. I do have my scripts, and guess what? I go off tangent and I do it messy.

Ask for a pay rise, messy, and see how you go. And if you do that, please come back and tell me you did it.

Say no to something you normally would say yes to. Do something. Take action.

You don’t need to always show up organised or perfect. Just show up.

This is how self-confidence grows: you survive the discomfort and realise you didn’t die. You realise you can handle it.

In my own life, there were moments where showing up felt terrifying, not because the task was hard, but because being seen felt unsafe.

And many people couldn’t believe it because I was a lot in the public eye. As a former Serbian singer, I was always showing up, but underneath my mask there wasn’t a confident singer or dancer showing up. Being seen felt unsafe, and I always feared rejection.

But every time I took one messy step, I reclaimed a part of myself. I proved to myself I can do it.

After all, it’s only me that is obsessed with some fears, not the other people around me.

So, keep showing up messy. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep taking action in a messy way.

Habit 5: Identity language. Who are you becoming?

Confidence and self-worth shift when your identity shifts.

Try this sentence daily:
“I’m the kind of woman who…”

Who is that woman?

• “I’m the kind of woman who speaks to herself with respect.”
•  “I’m the kind of woman who sets boundaries without guilt.”
•  “I’m the kind of woman who keeps promises to herself.”
•  “I’m the kind of woman who can be seen.”

This isn’t delusion, it’s direction. You are directing your speech and your language towards the woman you want to become.

Identity is built through repeated choices.

Now, if no one ever taught you how to feel safe, worthy, or how to trust yourself, it makes sense that confidence feels hard.

But you can learn it now, and let me be that guide for you.

Take a deep breath with me here: you don’t have to become someone else. This isn’t about becoming perfect. This is about becoming real, real with yourself.

Real confidence isn’t “I never get triggered”. Real confidence is: “I can be triggered and still choose myself.”

As I mentioned earlier, you don’t have to do all of these habits at once. Pick one or two. Commit to them. Show up. Honour yourself. And see how confidence will start repairing.

If you want support to build confidence in a simple, structured way, I’ve created a free downloadable called the 7-Day Confidence Reset. It’s a short plan you can follow for the next seven days, with tiny habits, prompts, and a clear focus so you don’t overthink it.

All you need to do is click the link in the show notes and download it, it’s yours.

And if you already know you want a deeper healing pathway this year, join the Release and Rise waitlist as well. That is my upcoming program in March, and the link is also in the show notes. Make sure you register and be the first to be informed about it and all that comes with it.

So, my friend, I hope this episode supports you in building confidence step by step.

Confidence is self-trust. Confidence is a skill, and skill can be learned. Confidence requires you to show up, it does not require perfection.

So, choose one habit, just one, and let this be your new adventure. And that new adventure is: I show up for myself.

Thank you for being here with me today. Thank you for your amazing support, it means the world to me. And let me remind you: without you, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing today. So, I appreciate you, I appreciate your support, and I’m very grateful.

Stay well, stay safe. And if no one told you today, let me have that honour:

You are enough. You are beautiful. And you are deserving of more.

I’ll see you next week.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Tag me on social media when you share this episode and let me know what resonated with you. When we share this message, we help create a ripple effect of positive change.