#83 Open Wounds vs Scar Tissue: Two Trauma Patterns That Shape Your Healing, Self-Worth, and Confidence

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Do you ever feel confused by your own reactions? Like one part of you wants to stay calm and grounded, but your body reacts before you can even think. Or you go the other way, shutting down so quickly that afterwards you feel numb, distant, and unable to explain what just happened.

In Episode 83 of The Billy Boss Show, Open Wounds vs Scar Tissue: Two Trauma Patterns That Shape Your Healing, Self-Worth, and Confidence, we explore a simple model that helps you understand what is really happening beneath those responses. This episode is a compassionate reset that helps you move from self-blame to self-awareness, so you can support your nervous system and rebuild self-trust, self-worth, and confidence.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
The difference between open wounds vs scar tissue, and how each trauma pattern shapes your emotional world

▪️ Why open wounds can create intense emotional reactions when something tender is still unhealed
▪️ Why scar tissue can look like strength and independence, yet feel like emotional shutdown or disconnection
▪️ Two gentle reflection questions to help you recognise your pattern without judgement
▪️ How understanding your trauma response patterns can support emotional healing, self-worth, and confidence

Tune in and let this episode shift the way you see yourself. Your patterns are not proof that you are failing. They are information, and they can be softened with the right support.

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Transcript

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to Billy Boss Show. Grab a tea, grab a coffee, take a breath, and come with me on a 20-minute journey today. Because today's episode might explain parts of you that have never fully made sense.
 
Now, remember, Billy Boss Show is your pathway to healing, pathway to self-love, and confidence. And each week we share practical tools, we share simple strategies, and real-life experiences to support you as you grow, as you heal, and come home to yourself.
 
Now I'm going to start off this conversation in a little quirky way.
 
No doubt you know what an open wound feels like the moment antiseptic touches it? It stings, doesn't it? It burns. Even if it's the right thing for healing. Your body still reacts because the skin is raw, the skin is tender. It's an open wound.

Now, before starting my coaching career, I used to work in a pharmacy and I saw this all the time. Someone would come in with a cut and the wound might look small from the outside, but the second we cleaned it properly, the reaction was immediate because it was still open. The wound was opened.

So you might be thinking, “Well, Billy, why are you sharing this with us right now? Or this isn't first aid tutorial, is it?” Well, no, this isn't first aid tutorial, but this is exactly how an open emotional wound works too. 
 
When the wound is unhealed, it doesn't take too much to be set off. Let's say there is a brewing wound inside you that hasn't been healed properly, that hasn't been nurtured, that hasn't felt safe. And guess what? It doesn't take so much time for you to be set off, and it can be: 
 
A tone of somebody's voice.  
It can be a look.  
It can be a comment. 
Maybe a silent treatment. 
Maybe smell or place.  
It can be anything that sets you off. 
 
Something small can touch something so deep and suddenly the reaction feels intense.  
Not because you are being dramatic, but because it's tender, because it's raw and it hasn't had right support to close yet. 
 
And today I'm going to share with you a simple model that can genuinely change. I wouldn't say it can change everything, but almost everything when it comes to healing because it helps you to understand your trauma responses without judgement. 

And today we are going to talk about the two trauma patterns. So don't confuse this with two types of trauma, that's totally different. So, trauma patterns and trauma types are two different things.
 
And if you would like to know more about the trauma types I believe that would be Episode 81. You can go back and listen to Episode 81 so that way you can be clear what trauma types. Today, strictly, we are staying with two trauma patterns. So, two trauma patterns.

One pattern is the open wound the unhealed wound.  
And the second one is the hardened wound or scar tissue wound. 

And I will explain to you in the best possible way that I can, the difference with those two wounds.

And as you listen, this is very important. As you listen, I want you to stay gentle with yourself. I want you to stay very empathetic and stay compassionate with yourself.

Because this is not a “What's wrong with me?” episode. 
This is not episode to point out the flaws and why you react. 
This is “Oh…that's why” episode.

Because when you understand what's happening inside you, then you stop attacking yourself. So this is purely for gaining more awareness. What's happening inside you when it comes to open wound, and when it comes to hardened wounds.

And this is the episode to support you on this journey of new or deeper levels of discovery.

So let's start with an open wound. 

An open wound is tender.
It's raw. 
And when it gets touched, as we just got reminded, it hurts immediately. It stings like a fresh cut on your skin.

Now, in real life, open wounds often show up as a strong emotional reaction. Someone says something small and guess what? That reaction can show up as:

A sudden anger, maybe panic attack, anxiety maybe sadness. or fear, or rejection.

And then your mind goes into, “Why am I reacting like this?” But guess what? 

Your body knows why you're reacting. 
Because something just got touched that has been hurting for a very, very long time.

And here is the key: an open wound doesn't mean that you are dramatic. It means that there is a place in you that still needs safety, that still needs care, that still needs healing.

And if you're listening right now and you think I can easily cry when I feel criticised, or I get quickly so defensive, or you might feel rejected even when somebody doesn't mean anything, just the way how they speak. It just like triggers you off, that you feel rejected, or maybe you feel ashamed after you express a need.

Or maybe you feel the urge to explain yourself so people don't misunderstand.

Now, if this is you, I want you to hear this: you're not “too sensitive.” 
Somewhere along the way, you learned that certain moments were not safe for you. 
So you're not too sensitive. Your body reacts to it.

So let me just reassure you: you are perfectly normal. You've just learned along the way how to cope, how to protect yourself.

Now, let's say someone you love and care for so much, they come and say, “You're being so dramatic.”   

To another person, this might be irritating. This might be like, “Oh my gosh, look what just happened. Why would you even say that?” And they brushed it off. They go through the day. They don't really give a second thought.
 
But if you have an open wound around being dismissed, if you have an open wound about being unheard or being shamed for having feelings, that sentence doesn't land as a feedback. 
 
It lands as a danger.
 
And suddenly you are not fully in this moment right now. You're not in present moment. You are in an old moment where your feelings weren't safe, where your truth wasn't welcomed, where you had to swallow what you felt to keep the peace.
 
So what happens? You react. 
 
Again, not because you're crazy. Not because for any other silly reasons.
But because your wound is still open.
 
So here's the simple question that you can ask yourself to identify if there is an open wound: “What type of comment makes me feel instantly unsafe? Instantly small or ashamed?” 
 
So what type of comment makes me instantly unsafe, small or ashamed? Because that's usually where the open wound lives. 

And another gentle question that you can ask yourself is:
“When I react, what am I afraid it means about me?”
So when I react, what am I afraid it means about me? 

Am I afraid that it means that I'm not lovable? That I'm not enough? That maybe I'm too much or a burden?   

That fear points you straight to the wound. The open wound.

There is so much more coming in this episode that you don't want to miss. But first, I want to share this with you. This episode isn't just for you and me. It's meant to be shared.

Now, if something in today's conversation inspires you, don't keep it yourself. Don't keep it a secret. Share with a friend, a loved one, or someone who needs to hear this message today. Post it, tag me, and let's spread the love together. Because you never know whose life you might change with just one share.

And now more of this incredible conversation together.

Well, now let's talk about the second pattern, the scar tissue, the hardened tissue, because this is the one many, many women don't recognise. 

And I'll tell you why.

So often when I speak to these beautiful, amazing women, I hear things like: 
“Billy, I've dealt with it.”
“Billy, I've put it aside.”
“I'm not even going there. I dealt with it.”
“I don't even give it a thought.”

And I understand that I truly do, because most of us weren't taught how to sit with our feelings in a safe, supportive way. We were taught how to push through and keep functioning. So “moving on” became the goal, even when what we really needed was the time and space to process what happened.

But sometimes what we call “moving on” is actually the nervous system doing something else. It's not processing. In fact, it is protecting. So it's creating the protection system. It's hardening. It's creating that emotional scar tissue.

Because scar tissue forms when your nervous system decides:
“I can't keep feeling this. It's too much.”

Hear me again. Your scar tissue forms when your system decides:
“I can't keep feeling this. It's too much.”

So let's put it aside. Let's push it away. It's not in my way.

So instead of staying open and tender, what happens?
It hardens. 

So it goes from the open wound to that hardened Didn't weren't the scar tissue.

And just like physical scar tissue, it has a purpose. 

It protects you.
It helps you keep going.
And it helps you functioning.

But here's the reality: scar tissue also reduces flexibility. It reduces feelings, and it can restrict the movement. It's protecting you.

So when a person has a loss of emotional scar tissue, they might look fine on the outside. They're capable. They're organised. They're reliable. They're productive. But inside they can feel numb. Inside they can feel depleted and flat, disconnected or guarded.

So scar tissue often sounds like: “I don't know what I'm feeling.”
Scar tissue also sounds like: “I'm fine. It doesn't affect me. I don't need anybody. I can do this by myself. I can handle it.”

And it can show up as a being overly independent. It can show up as a finding it hard to receive support, finding it hard to receive compliment.

The other day I saw my beautiful friend. She changed her hairstyle. I gave her a compliment. She said to me, “Oh thank you, but you know that I don't like compliments.”  
 
So scar tissue can show up as a difficulty receiving compliments, receiving help, receiving support, shutting down during conflict, staying busy so you don't have to feel what's underneath.
 
And this is exactly where many women say, “I don't feel traumatised.”  
Because it's hardened. 
The scar tissue doesn't hurt the way like an opened wound hurts.
 
And let me just throw this in here. I know that I'm speaking to women all the time through these conversations, but let me just tell you, if a man listens to this podcast, it works the same way. Both men and women. We both have the types of trauma, the patterns of trauma, the root causes, the triggers, the open wounds, and all the rest.
 
So this is for everybody. But I do tend to speak to a woman.
 
So an open wound, screams.
And scar tissue, it's very, very quiet. 

However, the scar tissue still shapes your life. It can limit how you fully trust. It can limit how you fully open up. It can limit how deeply you allow yourself to be supported.

I'll share something. How this shows up when you lived for too long in the scar tissue. Weren't when you had to be strong for too long. When your feelings weren't welcomed, when safety felt unpredictable. You can learn to survive by shutting down.

So you become the person who can handle everything. 
The person who doesn't need anyone.
The person who pushes through.

And people might even praise you for it. They might even call you such a strong and independent woman. 

But deep down, that isn't always strength.

So if you are in this situation, if you are continuously being called independent and strong, maybe it's time for you to pause and to really think, “Okay, is this my strength? Could it be that there is a scar tissue?”  Because sometimes it is a scar tissue.
 
Sometimes it's your nervous system quietly saying, “If I don't feel it, I won't fall apart.”

So if you are in this situation, I've got two great questions that you can ask yourself. And again, ask with no judgement. Ask with compassion and empathy:

“Where in my life am I functioning but not feeling? And do I find it easy to give support then to receive it?” 
 
Because definitely receiving is often scar tissue. It can feel unsafe to be held. It can be unsafe to be supported. It can feel unsafe to truly be seen for what it is. 
 
And again, nothing has gone wrong with you and nothing is wrong with you. This is just a protection. It just might not be the protection that you need anymore. So maybe this is the time to let it go. 
 
So go ahead and see what do you come up with based on those two questions.  

Now, before we finish today, let's bring this home in a simple way: 
 
If you have an open wound, it usually shows up as a strong, immediate emotion because something tender is still raw.

And if you have a scar tissue wound, it usually shows up as a shutting down or staying overly controlled because your system learned, “If I don't feel I won't fall apart.”

Both are protection. Both? They do make sense. However, neither means that there is something wrong with you.

So here are the two general questions to take with you this week. Ponder over it and see. What do you come up with?

Question 1: What situations make me react fast like my body is in danger, even when my mind knows it's safe? 
And that often points to an open wound being touched.

Question 2: Where do I stay in control or stay fine so I don't have to feel what's underneath?
And this often points to a scar tissue.

And if you notice yourself in either pattern let that be information, not a reason to judge yourself. This was learned for survival. This was learned for protection, and with the right support it can be softened. It can be healed.

Now, if you would like more support as you start letting go of emotional baggage and rebuilding self-trust, you are warmly invited to join the Release and Rise priority list. You'll be the first one to receive the updates and details as it becomes available, so we can go through this together and create the new chapter of your life. The link is in the show notes.

Also, here's the little disclaimer:
This content is only for educational purposes, and I'm sharing what I went through in my own journey. This is not for self-diagnosis or for any mental health professional support. Please reach out to professional support if you need deeper support on this journey.
 
I'm just a life strategist, passionate about sharing my own journey, passionate about supporting people at the level that I can do that. But certainly, I'm not a psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist.
 
Now, if you have any questions for me or there is something that you would like me to speak on the Billy Boss Show, well, we've created Ask Billy anything. You can go and submit your questions via the link in the show notes as well, and be assured that I will be answering your questions in upcoming episodes. 
 
And if no one told you today: You are enough. You are beautiful. Keep up your amazing work. Thank you for being on this journey with me. 
 
Until next time, my friend. Stay well and stay safe. 
 
I would love to hear your thoughts. Tag me on social media when you share this episode and let me know what resonated with you. When we share this message, we help create a ripple effect of positive change.