#91 How to Overcome the Fear of Being Judged

Have you ever had someone say something about you and, even though you tried to brush it off, it kept replaying in your mind? A comment. A tone. A bit of criticism. And suddenly you are questioning yourself, overthinking what you said, and feeling that familiar ache of being misunderstood or rejected.

In Episode 91 of The Billy Boss Show, How to Overcome the Fear of Being Judged, we unpack why judgement can feel so personal, and why certain opinions have the power to shake your confidence while others barely register. This is a grounded, emotionally empowering conversation designed to help you stop outsourcing your self-worth, separate facts from the stories your mind creates, and rebuild the kind of self-worth and confidence that keeps you steady, even when someone disapproves.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why the fear of being judged often comes from old wounds, not the present moment
• The difference between what happened (facts) and what you made it mean (stories)
• How to strengthen your sense of self so opinions don’t become your identity
• Why boundaries matter, and why not everyone deserves access to your heart
• The truth that changes everything: people’s words only control you when you agree with them more than you agree with yourself

Tune in if you are ready for a mindset transformation that helps you come back to yourself, and move through life with a steadier, more grounded confidence. You are worthy. You are enough. And you do not have to keep carrying other people’s opinions like they get to decide who you are.

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Transcript

Billy Boss 0:00

Welcome to today's episode of The Billy Boss Show, The Pathway of Healing, Self-Love and Confidence. I'm your host, Billy Boss, and I'm so grateful you are here. Make sure that you do subscribe so you don't miss a bit. New episodes are released every Tuesday. Today I want to talk about something that so many people struggle with, and that is how to overcome the fear of being judged. How to stop being so deeply affected by other people's comments and opinions, and how to move through that painful feeling of rejection. Because let's be honest, this hurts. Being judged, it really hurts. Being criticised, it hurts. Being misunderstood, it really hurts. And rejection can stir something very deep inside of us. But the main point that I really want to focus on today in this episode is this that no one can truly hurt you with their words unless those words are landing on a wound that already exists within you. The outside world can say hurtful things. Yes, people can be so cruel, people can be so careless, people can be so dismissive, opinionated, or so negative. And if we ever have experienced so much negativity, I think this is that period right now. But what creates the deepest pain is often not just the words themselves. It is the meaning that we do attach to those words. It is the story that we do tell ourselves about what these words mean about us. It is the rejection within us. It is the part of us that starts believing it. And that belief is maybe they are right, maybe I'm not enough, maybe I'm not worthy, maybe there is something wrong with me, and the story goes on and on and on. And that is where suffering deepens by just repeating these negative stories. And I want to share this from a very real place because if anyone has been judged badly, bullied, spoken about in such a negative way, criticised or misunderstood, it has been me. So I hear you. I can relate to where you're right now if you are going through a similar journey. I remember running away from home because I was fed up with the abuse going on at home. I was a young girl in pain, overwhelmed, hurting, trying to escape what I was living through at family home. But instead of being met with understanding, well, there were people in the village, because I used to live in the village, there were people in the village judging me, speaking about me so poorly and badly, making up stories, saying that I ran away from home because I wanted to be sexually active. So what they saw from outside world was, hey beautiful, peaceful family. They did not see any of the abuse going on inside or behind the closed doors. So I was badly judged. So imagine that. A child in pain. And instead of compassion, there was judgment. Then when I published my autobiography, I was called a liar. I was called attention seeker. As if the telling the truth about your life and your pain somehow means you're making it up for attention. Then when I had my singing career, I was called all sorts of names. And even more recently, there was, or should I say, there is a secret admire on social media, sending messages to my clients, telling them that I'm a con artist. And honestly, no doubt you're going to laugh at this, but I asked my husband, excuse me, husband, what does con artist mean? Because I have heard before, but I'd never really got to know precisely what that means. So the same person said that I was a bad mum and that I never had custody of my child. So when I say I understand judgment, I really mean it. When I say that I understand people misunderstanding your intentions, I mean it. When I say I understand the negativity that goes around, I hear you, I feel you. And at times it has felt like I never got a break from being judged. And maybe your story looks different to mine, but perhaps you two have been talked about, misunderstood, criticised, rejected, or made to feel like people are continuously and constantly forming opinion about you. Now, my friend, if this is you, I want you to know that this episode it is for you and stay here with me. So today I want to help you understand why judgment affects us so much, what it reveals, and how to become stronger within yourself so that other people's opinions no longer shake your identity. Because when you are truly clear on who you are, when your self-worth is rooted deeply within you, people's words may still be unpleasant, but they will not define you. They will not destroy your peace, they will not destroy your power, and certainly they will not get to decide your values. And a simple example of this is this. Just for a moment, imagine that you are here personally with me in my recording studio. I'm looking at you and I'm saying to you, well, you look like orange. Look at you. You are orange all over. Would you get upset? Would you get upset at me for telling you that you are orange color, you look like orange, you are shape of orange, which means round. Probably not. Probably you would not be upset. You wouldn't go home crying about it. You wouldn't go into spiral. You wouldn't start questioning your identity. Why? Because you know deeply that you are not an orange, you are not orange color all over, you are not rounded like an orange. So the comment would have no power over you. And that is exactly the point. When someone says something to you and it triggers deep pain, it is often because part of you it is uncertain, part of you it is wounded, part of you has not yet fully settled into your own worth. And I say this with so much love and not judgment. Because this is human. Most of us have wounds around not feeling good enough, or maybe feeling not chosen, the wounds about not feeling worthy, the wounds about not feeling safe to be ourselves. So when someone criticises us, rejects us, judges, excludes us or misunderstands us, it can hit those old wounds and make us feel as if something is wrong with us. But healing is learning to separate what someone says from who you are. It's learning that someone else's opinion is not a fact. It's learning that someone else's projection is not your identity. And it's learning that someone else's inability to see your worth does not mean that your worth is missing. And this is especially important for people who are sensitive, heart-led, and caring and deeply feeling. Because often the people who are most affected by judgment are the very ones who care deeply. They want to be understood, they want to be liked, they want to also feel that they do belong. They do not want to have any conflict with anybody, they do not want to disappoint other people. So they start changing themselves depending on who they are around. Those people they start to overthink. They replay their conversations in their head over and over again. They wonder, did I say the wrong thing? Did I upset them? Did they like me? What do they think of me? And that can be very, very exhausting. So if you can relate to this profile, no doubt you might now say to yourself, Oh my gosh, that's why I'm continuously being exhausted. Overthinking, overthinking. Replaying the story in the head. So the fear of being judged often begins long before the moment someone says something unkind to you. It usually starts in childhood. And maybe you're hearing this right now, it does make sense. Now, let me help you to understand this. If you grew up in the environment where love felt conditional, where approval mattered, where being criticised felt unsafe, where you were maybe shamed or compared to somebody else, or maybe dismissed or mocked, or even made to feel like you had to perform to be accepted, then of course judgment will affect you more deeply. Because it is not just about the present moment, it is also waking up an old wound. Sometimes when someone judges you, what really hurts is not just what they said today, it is what it reminds you of. And it can remind you of not feeling enough, and it can remind you of maybe trying to be good, to be alike, to be better, to be safe, and certainly to not be rejected. So there could be some different reminders. And this is why our healing has to go deeper than just saying, I don't care what people think. Especially if you do care what people think, you cannot heal yourself by just saying I don't care what they think. It is deeper than this. Because most people who are deeply hurt by judgment cannot simply just switch off. What they need is not more pretending, what they need is a stronger self-connection. So they need to build a relationship with themselves that is more powerful than other people's opinions. If you're craving even more inspiration and real talk to fuel your confidence and success, I've got something special for you. Make sure you join my weekly dose of love. It's feel good email that lands in your inbox every Tuesday, packed with motivation, mindset tips, and tools to help you thrive in life and business. You can sign up at billyboss.com or simply click the link in the show notes wherever you're listening to this episode. Go on, give yourself that little boost of love each week because you deserve it. So let's talk about how to do this. I want to give you a few simple steps that can help you overcome that fear of being judged and stop letting other people's comments define how you feel about yourself. So step number one, pause and reflect on why it hurts. So when someone says something and it stings, instead of immediately getting lost in the comment, pause and ask yourself these three questions. Why did this affect me so badly or deeply? What part of me is reacting right now? And what am I making this mean about me? I'll say that again. There are three questions. Why did this affect me so deeply? What part of me is reacting right now? And what am I making this mean about me? And those are very important questions because often the pain is not just in the words, it is in the meaning that you attach to them. So maybe somebody said to you, Oh, you haven't replied to my message. So they're just words. You haven't replied to somebody's message. So instead of you hearing what it's only said, you go on tangent, making the meaning of yourself that you are not a reliable person, that you cannot do things in a right order that you cannot follow up, that you cannot follow through. So the pain often is not in the words, it is in the meaning that you attach to those words. So pause and reflect on why it hurts. Now, step number two, separate facts from stories. This is the big one. When someone says something hurtful, the mind often creates a whole story around it. For example, someone rejects you and your mind says to yourself, Well, I'm not lovable, I'm not enough, there must be something wrong with me, I'll always be rejected. But rejection doesn't automatically mean any of that. It simply means that something is not allied in here. That's all. Someone's opinion is just that an opinion. Not the truth, not your identity, not your destiny. So when something hurts, ask yourself what actually happened, and what story did I create around this? So the question alone can change everything because the story is often what hurts more than the event itself. So pay attention to your story. Step number three, strengthen your sense of self. Now, the more secure you are in who you are, the less power other people's opinion will have over you. So this doesn't mean that you become cold or emotionless. It really means that you are becoming grounded when you start working on your sense of self, knowing who truly you are, your value, your worth, being grounded. You are creating your identity that no one actually can shake that. And when you know who you are, not everybody gets to define you. In fact, no one gets to define you but you. This is why self-worth matters so much. If your worth is constantly outsourced through other people's approval, then every opinion will feel like a threat. So it is very, very crucial for you to work on your identity, to know your values, your intentions, your worth, what do you stand for? But when your worth comes from within, criticism doesn't crush you. You might listen, you might reflect, you may grow from helpful feedback, but you don't collapse. So ask yourself, who am I independent of what anyone thinks of me? What do I know to be true about me? And what kind of woman am I becoming? And certainly if men are here listening to this podcast is what kind of man am I becoming? And then build from there. Know your worth, know your identity. Step four, stop giving everyone access to your heart. This is so powerful. Not everyone deserves equal access to you. Not everyone gets to speak into your life, not everyone's opinion should carry weight. Sometimes we suffer because we are giving too much value to the voices of people who are not wise, who are not kind, who are not healed, who are not aligned with our values, who are not aligned with our morals, people who are not supportive and not living with integrity. So stop doing that. Stop giving everyone access to your heart. This is where you have to have really precise boundaries. Step number five is stop surrounding yourself with negative people. This is another important one. If you're continuously around people who criticise you, mocks you, gossips, complains, um, shames you, compare you, or pulling you down or others down, well, you know the answer. It will affect your nervous system, it will affect you, your confidence, and your peace. I actually call these people life suckers, energy suckers. So stop surrounding yourself with negative people. You cannot keep healing in the environment that keeps reopening the wounds. Sometimes part of overcoming the fear of judgment is also choosing better company. So choose people who are emotionally safe, choose people who are honest and kind, choose people who want to see you grow, choose people who do not feed on negativity, and certainly choose people who are aligned to your values and your morals as well. So this doesn't mean that everyone around you has to agree with you, but what it means is there is a difference between honest feedback and toxic energy. So you be the good judge. Who are these people with the toxic energy and honest feedback? And if you're serious about your healing, you need to protect your environment. So let that be your boundary, protect your environment. So a little recap be aware of the meaning that you give to people's words. Be aware of the story that you do create based on something that has been said. Strengthen your sense of self, work on you, know your identity, what you stand for, who truly you are at the core. Stop giving access to everyone and certainly stop surrounding yourself with negative people. And I want you to keep this on your mind. You are the only one deciding, making that decision. You're the only one giving them the consent. You may not be able to control what other people say, but you can control how you respond to it. You can respond to make the meaning about that. You can respond by being aware of what is your story about people's words. So stop making hurtful words your identity. No one can reject you but you. And when you make that call for yourself, that's different. So do what is in your control. Now you might be wondering how all of those comments that I mentioned about myself at the beginning of this episode affected me. Well, the truth is, for the most part, they really didn't affect me because none of these things were true. I knew that they were not true, not even close to the truth. There were moments when certain comments did trigger me, not because they were true, but because they touched a wound that was still open or in the process of healing. And this is so important to understand that healing does not mean that you will never get triggered. It means when you do, you know how to meet yourself differently. And the steps that I've shared with you today are not just things I talk about or I teach. They are the steps that I have used myself. I have had to pause so many times and reflect. I have had to separate facts from the stories. I have had to strengthen my sense of self. I also had to stop giving certain people access to my heart, to my soul, to my time, to my energy. And no doubt I have had to remind myself that other people's judgment is not my identity. So I really had to work diligently on knowing my true identity. Who does Billy Boss stand for? And no doubt I had to work on the meaning that I gave to people's words. Remember that nothing has the meaning until you put the meaning to it. So always look for the better meaning. So if I could leave you with one message today, it would be this one. People's words can only control you when you agree with them more than you agree with yourself. And let me say that again. People's words can only control you when you agree with them more than you agree with yourself. That is why healing your self-worth means so much. And it's very, very important because when you know deeply who you are, when you know your heart, when you know your values, when you know your truth and your worth, then someone else's opinion becomes exactly that. They opinion, not your identity, not your truth, not your sentence. So if you're afraid of being judged, ask yourself, what am I believing about myself that makes other people's opinions feel so powerful? What am I believing about myself that makes other people's opinions feel so much powerful? So I hope that these few steps that I have shared with you can benefit you moving forward, how you can rewire the meaning and the story, stand up for yourself when anybody starts to criticise you or share something unkind about yourself. And let me express my gratitude to you. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Now, if this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone who needs this reminder. And if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe so you don't miss a beat. New episodes are released every Tuesday. This is Billy Boss Show, the Pathway to Healing, Self-Love and Confidence. And if no one has told you today, let me be the one to remind you you are worthy and you are enough. Until next time, stay well and stay safe.