Parenting in the age of screens and distractions presents unique challenges, but this episode invites you to rediscover the power of Attachment. We share stories and insights on how truly being present and engaging with your child can preempt potential missteps and deepen your understanding of their unique personality. Plus, we explore how play isn't just fun—it's a fundamental activity that sparks sensory development and cements the bond you share with your little one.
Rounding out our heartfelt discussion, we extend a warm invitation for you to continue this enriching journey with us. Next week, we'll be peeling back the layers on avoidant attachment, offering perspectives to further your understanding of the diverse attachment styles. Remember, our podcast community is here to support you through the transformative practice of brain-based parenting. So, join the conversation, reflect on your own experiences, and together let's embrace the profound impact we have on the lives of our children.
To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T
To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/
For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/
Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402
Parenting in the age of screens and distractions presents unique challenges, but this episode invites you to rediscover the power of Attachment. We share stories and insights on how truly being present and engaging with your child can preempt potential missteps and deepen your understanding of their unique personality. Plus, we explore how play isn't just fun—it's a fundamental activity that sparks sensory development and cements the bond you share with your little one.
Rounding out our heartfelt discussion, we extend a warm invitation for you to continue this enriching journey with us. Next week, we'll be peeling back the layers on avoidant attachment, offering perspectives to further your understanding of the diverse attachment styles. Remember, our podcast community is here to support you through the transformative practice of brain-based parenting. So, join the conversation, reflect on your own experiences, and together let's embrace the profound impact we have on the lives of our children.
To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T
To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/
For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/
Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402
Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, cal Farley staff development coordinator, joshua Sprock.
Speaker 2:Welcome back and thank you again for joining us as we continue our journey talking about brain-based parenting. Today, we're really gonna dig down and start talking about secure attachment. Today, I am joined by Sam Serna. Hello, catherine Clay.
Speaker 2:Hi and Mike Wilhelm. How do you, josh? As we do every week, we're gonna start by asking our question of the day. Today we're gonna be talking about secure attachment and as I was thinking about that, the word security guard popped into my head. So for today's question, would you be more likely to be a person who provides security for someone, or type a person who would need a security detail provided for them?
Speaker 3:I guess I would lean on the other side. I would probably be the one providing security for others.
Speaker 2:Yes, you were always prepared.
Speaker 4:For me? I think my answer is probably mixed. I would probably provide security. Being a mom, I think that comes natural to me, and then I'm also kind of a scaredy cat. Like I know, josh, you're afraid of snakes. I have unreal reaction or unreal response to mice, and when I say that, I already feel like something going on in my body and so if there was a mouse anywhere I would be on top of like the tallest thing in the room. So I might need some security for that.
Speaker 5:Boy, this is a I'm stumped. I don't think that I'm. I don't think I need a security guard because I don't think I would be the target for anything of any importance.
Speaker 4:I think you might.
Speaker 5:You think I might?
Speaker 4:I've heard some things.
Speaker 5:Oh my no, well, don't listen to everything.
Speaker 4:My probation officer tells you Okay, okay.
Speaker 5:But I don't think I'd be a good security guard either. I'm pretty harmless, and so I just don't know which I would be. So yeah, I'd probably have to hire Catherine to be my security guard.
Speaker 4:Probably. Yeah, my right's pretty high, so I don't know if you could afford it.
Speaker 5:Sam's probably cheaper.
Speaker 2:So last week we did an introduction into attachment. This week, in the next couple weeks, we're gonna really dig into the four different styles of attachment, which are secure attachment, avoidant attachment, ambivalent attachment and disorganized attachment. But for today, we're really gonna jump into and really try and understand what is secure attachment. So what is the definition of secure attachment?
Speaker 3:Well, I like to define things right, so I looked up the definition for secure, and secure is free from danger or risk combined with attachment, and it's hopefully a healthy and safe place to be.
Speaker 4:I think, too, that security comes from knowing that you're going to be cared for, taking care of, and that starts very early on. And so, for me, secure attachment would come from the primary caregiver showing an infant or a baby, newborn baby, that they are secure, that they are safe, loved, cared for. Their needs will be met and, after time and time again, after responding that way to the infant, the infant would feel safe.
Speaker 2:So how is it exactly formed? What are things that caregivers do to help children form a sense of secure attachment?
Speaker 4:I think it starts with the caregiver, the caregiver being regulated and attuned and responsive. I don't imagine that, if you're not those things, that you can care for a child in a secure way. So to me it starts with the caregiver, and the caregiver can provide those things to for a child. We talked about this in our last podcast, but it's more than just. I think it's more than just showing up and providing food or providing a clean diaper. That's all very important, but I think there's other pieces that form the bond, and even the chemicals that are released during this process have a lot to do with some of the somatosensory stuff, whether that be when you pick the child up and the way you smell, the way that you speak, the tone of your voice all of those things matter, and I think eye contact is super important as well, and all of these somatosensory things are replicated from the child to the mother and back and forth, and so there's that bonding experience.
Speaker 4:And then it's actually more than just this person brings me food. It is a sense that when this person comes, it's more than this person brings me food. It's. This is my person, this is. This is the person that I know is going to care for me. I know that smell, I know that movement, I know that eye contact, I know that that is. And then there's that this person is actually me and I know later in development that goes away right. But there's a sense of, there's a oneness that doesn't break when there's a secure attachment.
Speaker 2:So I think that really causes kids to have what they call a secure base, when you have that primary caregiver showing up and really seeing beyond just the behavior but seeing the child and their needs and letting them know they're important. So why is it important for a child to have a sense of a secure base?
Speaker 3:Well, it always gives them somewhere to come back to as they explore right. So one of the things that that happens with young children is at first, like Catherine said, they're like me. They were there with me all the time. They're near me all the time and when we take them out right they it's safer for them to explore. They'll go off and play with some friends for a minute and then come back, check in or maybe just give us a glance things like that, so those things are a healthy way.
Speaker 3:They always have a place to come back to that they know is safe. And then go to a because you know anything that's unfamiliar is potentially unsafe right to us. That's how we're built, so secure basis is important.
Speaker 4:I love the word you used, to explore. I think that what you're saying is that with with secure attachment, there's a sense that I can go into the world, I can learn, I can make relationships, I can try something new, I can fail at something new, whatever it may be, and come back to my mom or come back to my caregiver or whatever, whoever it is, and without knowing that I have a place to return to or that I have my needs met somewhere, I think the child would be less likely to go do those things that they have to do for development. Right, like if your child never leaves your side. Like Sammy was saying, if you never had your kids go into the world and explore and learn, then you would have grown up kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:At your home all the time, and so I think that is an interesting word to use explore. I love that.
Speaker 2:So when I'm hearing you guys, I'll say this. It kind of brings to mind some experiences I've had, like dropping my kids off at daycare or at church at the nursery.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And it's kind of funny. You know they'll cry and my initial thought is that it's kind of embarrassing. They shouldn't be crying and this is a sign that I'm a bad parent, but maybe it's kind of weird. But is that actually a good thing?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think I've had similar experience with my children and I feel the same way. I always think, well, I guess I shouldn't leave my child at the daycare, I shouldn't leave my child. Look how distressed they are. But really I think kind of what you're speaking to, josh, is showing that the child's attached to you and the child enjoys you and the child wants to be with you and that crying is usually, I think, what would happen when there's any type of stressor. Right, stress isn't bad, because what's going to happen is the child will go into the daycare, which is a loving environment. They'll cry most of the time.
Speaker 4:I would imagine in a minute or two's time they're in programming and enjoying their time and then when you come back to pick them up, they run up to you and they're so glad you're back and the consistency of that I mean. I take my kids to daycare each day and it's the same. They kind of struggle to get there, they have a wonderful time and then I hear mama, mama, mama, as they run up to me when I pick them up and it's the same. They know that I'm coming back and so if my children are yours, josh, like you were saying, had no problem with being separated from me. I think that would be more something to be more curious about, right?
Speaker 2:So, in a weird way, you're saying that like neediness and dependence for children is actually kind of a good thing, right, which we don't really like to think, I know.
Speaker 4:I know, I think, yes, I think. Neediness is a hard word, dependence is a hard word, but I can't imagine any child not having needs or for dependence on a caregiver.
Speaker 3:I think it's a lot of it's in our, the caregiver's, ability to understand those things and respond to them, right? So it's all. And also it's it's all the caregivers, the caregivers viewpoint, Right. So sometimes neediness and some cultures are some people that could be bad, right?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Or I've heard in the. You know, don't just let them cry things like that which we now know. That's maybe not the best thing to do Right and but. That's all things that we have to understand as caregivers.
Speaker 3:So, sometimes we're not in the space to be able to do things. But I was also thinking back to the care, the daycare thing. You know, knowing what we know now, with hindsight and experiences as parents, right, you know, depending on my child's age, obviously a baby, a young infant's not going to know any different, maybe, maybe. But you know, we were dropping off a toddler for the first time. That could be a very dramatic experience for both parties involved.
Speaker 3:So well, what I do different as a, as a dad now is maybe go, maybe get them to get to know the teacher first.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Hey, this, this person's going to person's going to take care of you while I go to work and things you know. There's just things that maybe some parents can do or some caregivers can do to help pad some of that and maybe make it a little bit safer for the child and maybe less traumatic for everybody.
Speaker 4:Right yeah.
Speaker 5:So crying's not a bad no that's good for Sam to know. I know, I know I try to.
Speaker 4:I try to reassure Sam you know, thank you guys, you know I think the thing about crying and I think we had Mike and I were talking about this a minute ago but if your child, baby, toddler, sam, it's crying, he clearly has some type of need right, and who responds to those needs would be a loved one, a mother, a wife, whatever it may be. And to to ignore that or to let him cry it out or whatever it is, you know, I think you have to consider what is the internal message being received when my cry isn't important to someone, or my cry doesn't illicit care, and I think if I'm just thinking about my two kids, I would never want them to think that their pain isn't a priority of mine or their need isn't a priority of mine. And so I'm gonna know what we were talking about. Mike, that's kind of how you're feeling.
Speaker 5:Oh, sure that. And, like I'm, we talked about in the last podcast, the has huge implications for faith formation in children and those messages, from being in the tune caregiver of um that I'm present you matter, I respond to you. Well, those are. Those are base assumptions that necessary for a healthy relationship with God and it's the. The data shows that secure attachments lead to secure God attachments and there's a strong connection.
Speaker 5:So and Sam, you mentioned as a father a moment ago talking about this whole thing with the attachment, the stakes are even higher for the roles that fathers play with, with attachment with children when it comes to faith formation. And the data shows, on this too, that as father relationships go, so with males in particular, so faith formation goes. Paul Vitz is someone out in New York that's done a lot of research on this and he's found that category of of declared atheist, of of hard atheist in adulthood, not agnostics or spiritual but not religious, but real hard, really, uh, atheist folk. It there's a strong representation of one, it's nine to one males and two there's. Probably 90% of those males have had failed relationships with fathers, and when I say failed might be a father that's absent for unfortunate reasons. Maybe that father simply died of cancer while the child was young. But that piece of that fathers play with healthy attachment with children, especially with boys, is going to be a huge player in a healthy faith formation with those kids.
Speaker 2:So how do we get to a point where we can help kids feel a sense of secure attachment? I've heard Dr Perry say that there's four attributes of a caregiver to provide secure attachment, and those are to be present, to be attentive, to be attuned and be responsive. So what does it mean to be present?
Speaker 4:I was thinking, as you were asking, that Mike was Mike brought up our technology use and cell phone use and things like that and I remember reading I can't maybe this was when I first, when I first had my daughter but reading about like how much time or how many times the child looks up at you and how many times your attention is somewhere else, and that's always stuck with me because I, I mean I'm like everybody else.
Speaker 4:I use my phone a ton and there are times I've caught myself on my phone and I see one of my kids looking at me, looking for me to say to see them right, and my daughter, she's in a stage where every little bump and every little stub toe is like a very big deal. And I'm just learning, as she's going through this, that she's asking me to see her and she I mean not even an injury, just simply like a bump. So you know what I mean and so I that presence is if, if we don't give it naturally or on our own, they're going to ask us for it. And that's what I kind of see at times with my daughter, if I, if I'm a distracted caregiver or parent, and so that's kind of what it means to be present is nearly to just kind of see things before they happen or to notice things that are going on and showing up and eye contact and all that stuff.
Speaker 3:Well being present is like simply just being around. Being around I think that's the base of all four of the things we're about to talk about is if you can't be present. You can't really do all the other three Right.
Speaker 4:But there's a difference between being physically present and being emotionally available present. You know what I mean, that's right.
Speaker 2:Cause it's just an interesting thing to think about Like yeah, I think you have to have both physical and mental Sure Right, you can have the right intention and want to be emotionally present, but you're not physically there, right, and so it doesn't count. So you have to both physically and emotionally present, because when you're physically and emotionally present, you can be attentive. So what does it mean to be attentive? Paying attention, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I struggle with attentive in attuned at times, but I you know, to me being attentive is well. Oftentimes I find myself. I have grandchildren, so I watch. I watch them play or I'm in because they're at an age where I'm not going to just let them run around, or anywhere by themselves, so I'm with them and then. So then, as I'm present, though, I'm being attentive to what are they doing. Hey, get out of that or hey, that's not that's not talk that way.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's play nice. You know things like that. So we're being attentive to what they're doing, Right? That actually helps me learn a lot about them as a world right, Absolutely you know cause. I get to see how they play. I get to see, maybe, how they respond when they're upset about something, and it gives you tons of insight.
Speaker 4:I agree. I think attentive and attuned feel similar to me. Simply because, like what Sam was saying, if I'm attentive and I'm attuned then there's a decent chance that I am going to catch something before it happens. Or if I see, if I'm attentive and attuned and I see my youngest climbing on something wild, then I'm likely going to be able to interfere with that accident or whatever may happen before it happens. And if I wasn't those two things, I think I would miss a lot, you know, and that could be benign things, that could be miss something that they're teaching me about themselves or something learning about them, or it could be an accident. You know, I have a two year old and he's wild. Those two feel hard and important.
Speaker 5:From what, sam and Catherine, what you both just shared, what's coming to mind is how important play must be, because it has all those ingredients baked right in how important play is playing with your child. I would assume it just does so much of what you're saying and how I hate to continue to bring up electronics, but the world did change really fast on that and it's not all bad, but that really has reduced the amount of play. Don't you think of children playing and then adults playing with children.
Speaker 5:But what a missing piece that must be to not be playing with your child.
Speaker 4:Well, I am not an expert in this by any means, but, as you're speaking, I'm thinking about like what systems? But like sensory systems are engaged in play outside, in the sand, in the dirt, in the sun, movement, sensory stuff like smells and tastes and the wind and all these different things that will activate sensory systems, versus sitting still watching, using your thumbs, whatever it may be, in that kind of electronic play that you're talking about. And then I think too, just about in the school system, how much time is dedicated to sitting and learning and how little time is dedicated to play. I know it's a little bit off topic, but kind of making me think what you're saying is just in doing that side by side with your parent, getting in the dirt I don't love it, but I do it and having kind of like a co-experience with sensory stuff and how that builds attachment and closeness. And you can't do that without being present, attentive and attuned.
Speaker 5:I'm the oldest one here at this the table, so maybe I'm going to let you in on a little secret that you missed out on when you grew up. But when I was a kid, a big commercials that we would often see on television were Band-Aid commercials, sure.
Speaker 4:Ed and back team and Sprinkler. Lots of injuries.
Speaker 3:Yes, the Band-Aid commercials were on all the time Well why, is that.
Speaker 4:Because we were out skinny in our knees and you don't see Band-Aid commercials anymore.
Speaker 4:Well, that was like the first thing when I have a brother and a sister older than me. But that was the first thing my dad would say when we were too loud or like getting on his nerves. He would say go outside and find something to do. And we're like what do you mean? So even you know, I don't however many years ago 20 years, I don't know, 30 years, I don't know however old I am Still then it was a priority to be outside and to be in the sun and be in the dirt and come home with your with grass stains on your knees and you know, whatever it may be. But we were doing that with siblings and my parents and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it's kind of interesting hearing what you guys are talking about. Something I've heard Dr Purvis, karen Purvis, say is that so we talk about being present, attentive, attuned and responsive. If we do that for our kids, it's going to change their template of the world Right. But for a kid who maybe didn't we didn't raise to do those things it's going to take a while to change their template.
Speaker 2:And so what she said is that for every year a kid is chronologically, you're going to need that many months of consistently being present, attentive, attuned and responsive to change that template. But she said the magic kind of fairy dust of all that is interact play.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And that if you can do playful engagement, it will actually cut that time in half. Wow, so I think it's just what. When you guys were talking about that, I was thinking of what I heard her say and really how important that is to just really get down there and get dirty.
Speaker 4:You know, I think, as you're, as you're talking about that, I'm like the clinical piece is kind of coming online, about activating low systems of the brain and the sensory input and the regulation, the safety that comes into play when you're side by side, rather than you know teaching, like you know the teaching style where I'm instructing you and you're learning, or whatever it may be. I just think like I wonder if what she's saying has to do with those multiple systems being activated at one time and the safety that's that comes online when you are side by side playing. I don't know. That's that's really fascinating.
Speaker 2:So back to kind of the four keys of attachment. We've talked about being present, being physically, emotionally there so that we can pay attention to the kids, right. And then, when we pay attention to them, we can actually see what's going on, what truly is going on, cause a lot of times you know what they initially say isn't what they're always the root of it.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:So why? What does it mean to be a tune then?
Speaker 3:So I find a tune interesting because what I the way I divide or separate these two things from separate attack I mean a tenant from a tuned is that if I have a tenant tonight, so if I have a, if one of the kids is needing something, right, sometimes because of my attunement to the child, I can tell there's something different in their voice or facial expression.
Speaker 3:Right, and so it's. It's the caregiver's ability to read or hear what is going on, like you just said, josh, maybe something that's on the surface, or telling you something, but doesn't make sense. So I'll hear a tone and go hey, is everything okay? Or or does something hurt? Or cause, especially young kids, they can't actually tell you, they don't have a voice yet, and so that's kind of that's a complex skill, you know.
Speaker 4:I mean, I think you you're not looking at surface level right. You're not saying, well, you're smiling, so things are great, right. So it's a bit of a I don't know. It seems like a skill or a learned skill maybe and I know, sam, you've been in caregiving for a long, long, long, long time but it just seems like that doesn't seem like something you could just pick up right. It's practice, no.
Speaker 3:I do believe right, and it's like Josh just said you got to have. The other two have to be around. I have to be able to give my presence and I have to be able to see them or hear them to be able to feel. But you're right, it does take maybe some time and practice. This is maybe it might be a difficult thing for a first time parent to know I mean, we all maybe through our first time.
Speaker 3:Gali, I didn't even know and so, um, but yeah, as with, time goes on, and the more time you spend with your child, the more that's going to be easier You're just going to know. It's instinct and we're kind of built to know these things for the most part that's helpful.
Speaker 5:What you just said, cause I was struggling with attention and attunement. But what you're saying is we can attend but misread and so be able to read or decode or interpret would be much more.
Speaker 4:And how much harder would that be if you're caregiving for kids that you've not had right? Like the reason I know my kids so well is because they were in me and they've lived with me and I've raised them right. But you two have been house parents before and I would imagine that makes it even more complex. So those skills to be attuned, um, when your relationships are different or new or whatever. So I don't know if y'all have any thoughts on that.
Speaker 3:I do. I mean, it's really like trial and error. You know um, one of the things that we do real well now is that we we try to learn all their histories the most you can actually know, by what they're actually, what their parent or um previous caregiver gives us um, which is really nice because you can. You can maybe guess about what some of the trauma they've received or or how I can respond better. Cause sometimes it's just how, the way I look or the way I talk, or that I'm a man at all right Sometimes.
Speaker 3:could could have a, a child be um kind of what do we talk about? The intimacy barrier maybe you know it's all different for everybody so I could trigger things and not even know. So a lot of it's trial and error and again spending time with the child.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Like one of the way, one of the things that may be successful is I spent tons of time with these kids. I found out what they liked and I would try to you know, um, do the things with them that they liked, so that I could learn how they could play.
Speaker 3:I learned how they, how they um played with others how they responded to me how they responded to my wife, how how they acted when I took them into public or when I took them to meet new people, right. So it is like experimenting, especially when they're not kids you raised from infancy um you have to you. It is a learned skill and I think the yes, the more you do it, the better you hopefully get at it. Yes, um, so yeah.
Speaker 5:I continually marvel at how well our, our house parents here at Cal Farley's are able to be attuned with children, that they don't share a baseline of experience from the neutral or from the cradle, and how they, how quickly they learn that, oh my gosh, there is something to attune men and all kids are different and and we have some very wise caregivers here that that seem to be able to um get to that quicker than most, don't you?
Speaker 4:think yes, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:So then the last one once you kind of know what's going on, you can actually do something about it, right, you can respond to the behavior. So why is that and so important to finish for, and respond and meet their needs.
Speaker 4:It's validating, you know so, like if I'm struggling and someone says, hey, I'm here to help you with that Right notice this about you and I have some ideas how to remedy it, or whatever you know, like you have a partner or you have somebody to take care of you, and then what you're struggling with or what you're going through or what you need is important. I think it's super validating when someone responds to your need.
Speaker 3:Well said. I mean, I think that that's that's totally correct and that one of the things that I look at responsive is also is the ability to teach.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:Right. So I'm teaching something when I respond. If I respond to an infant, like Catherine said before, I'm teaching them that, hey, somebody's going to come and attend to my need.
Speaker 5:Even if.
Speaker 3:I don't know what it is.
Speaker 5:I'm crying for a reason.
Speaker 3:That's the thing, and so. But even when two year olds Catherine, you have two year old, you know I'm teaching them something. So if they come tell you my knee hurts, and then well, what do you have to do? I have to investigate your knee. Can you please move, pick up this pant leg so I can see it.
Speaker 1:There's nothing there.
Speaker 3:There's nothing there, but you know, or I'll ask questions of what happened. Did you get bit by a bug or did? Right. So it's, it's explorative. Right Because sometimes it's the smallest things and I laugh at that. So bad because that's all my grandsons. They come to me with the smallest things and then maybe they just need something and I have put band-aids on so many knees for no reason whatsoever, because that's the important part is how do I respond?
Speaker 3:And so sometimes you know and I think we're going to talk about this in future podcast Josh, and that I have to run all that stuff through my filter, right. So the cool thing is, now I'm making an experienced parent and now I go, that's not that big a good but, I'm not going to tell the kid that Okay let's try to let's attend to this, and because I know what I'm trying to get at here is to teach them that come.
Speaker 3:Ask for help come ask for help, because the world is not a lonely place. There's others here that can help you.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 5:I love that and I was thinking of this. The word responsive as opposed to reactive, that distinction how important that is. And you know, in worst of circumstances it could be reactive in toxic ways. But even the more noble ways to be reactive would be to what would you say, catherine? There'd be a word of enmeshment, or just a helicopter. But what might look like a loving caregiver if there's not that separation where they see here's another human being responding to my needs, there's not the validation built into that, then it's just all just clumped up together and I've noticed that some of our children from hard places. Sometimes it takes a while for them to start to see adults as human beings, not just objects that you hope can be moved in a way that works to your favor.
Speaker 5:But what a important thing that is for a child to learn to receive love and turn to give love and to see that I'm a being that matters and I'm getting that validation, but likewise, this is a being that's responding to me, so there's something very beautiful in that.
Speaker 2:So if I do have this caregiver who is present, attentive, attuned and responsive to me as a child, it's going to shape how I see the world right. So if this is my template, if I've had a primary caregiver, just pour all that stuff into me. It's going to shape my I am statement. So what would you guys say a kid's I am statement is, if this is their caregiving, I am important loved safe. What about others? Others are helpful caring, loving. So then the world would be safe, safe.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 2:And if the world's safe. Therefore, I must do what.
Speaker 4:Explorer, sam's word.
Speaker 2:Must be important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, be worthy, I think that's just such a cool way to think about it All these different things poured into them, shapes how they think about themselves, how they think about others, how they think about the world, and in doing all that, it kind of makes it how they act, yeah, so that's why I think this having that security is so, so important. All right, so thank you guys for spending some time with us today. I hope you're becoming securely attached to our little podcast. So, to show how secure you are, make sure to come back next week when we're going to discuss avoidant attachment. Until then, I remember you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just make sure you get them back.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farlies Boys Ranch, our interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarlyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farlies. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.