Traditions Creating Lasting Family Bonds: Part 1

 Today, we're diving into what defines a family tradition and why these rituals are often considered the "glue" that holds families together. Whether it's as simple as a mother handing out a treat on the first day of school or as significant as how you celebrate holidays like Christmas, traditions give us a sense of belonging and continuity, no matter where we are in the world. Join us as we discuss how these repeated practices shape our identities, connect generations, and bring a comforting sense of home, even when miles apart. 

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Transcript

The Importance of Family Traditions

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.

Speaker 2 0:30

Hello and welcome. Today we're going to talk about the importance of traditions and family life. To do that, I'm joined by Sandy Poppy, I'm house mom at Boys Ranch.

Speaker 4 0:38

I'm Leah Thorne. I'm a house mom at Boys Ranch.

Speaker 5 0:41

I'm Julie Ortega and I'm a direct care staff trainer.

Speaker 2 0:44

Thank you guys for joining us today. As is our tradition, we're going to start off with our question of the day. So what would you say is the quirkiest, most unusual tradition your family has or has used to have?

Speaker 5 0:54

I don't know if our tradition is quirky, but it started with my dad's family. We have to have a dish at every family gathering for the holidays and it's called glooski and it's a meatball wrapped in cabbage and cooked over sauerkraut. So it does not smell pleasant or like you expect the holidays to smell like, but we do not feel like it's a holiday if we don't have glooski cooking on the stove.

Speaker 2 1:19

Ooh, that actually sounds really. I love sauerkraut, so that sounds awesome.

Speaker 5 1:22

Our family is very divided. Half of us like it.

Speaker 4 1:26

Half of us don't, I think. Growing up there was four of us kids in the family and we were sneaky and like to try to open our gifts when mom and them were around whenever they were shopping or something.

Speaker 4 1:36

But anyway, mom decided that she would assign, like one year it was somebody, was a star, a square, a triangle and a circle. You never knew what your whose was what and so, and then she would like to make things heavy. She would put like soup cans or macaroni and cheese boxes in the packages. So when you shook it if it was macaroni cheese it would shake and stuff like that. And she did that every year for us as children, and now she does it with the grandkids, and so it's just. It's kind of fun to try to figure out who's belong to who, and I sometimes do that with the boys. Now is I will put things in their gifts, like a box of macaroni and cheese, so, and they're like or switch gifts, like put somebody's in another one. I put a pair of high heel shoes from a hat. What another house parent's daughter, a boy, was wanting a certain pair of tennis shoes and he had such a really good sense of humor. So I borrowed Heather's high heeled prom shoes and put them in his tennis shoe box.

Speaker 4 2:33

And so when he opened it up, you know, and he wore those shoes all night long, he put on Heather's high heels and he just walked around the living room for hours in her shoes, and so I think that's just one that we've kind of carried over. That was fun.

Speaker 3 2:48

In our home finding boxes to wrap gifts in that many gifts that we, you know. You have a lot of children in your care, and so every year at the end of Christmas I'm always like don't throw that box away, don't throw that box away, don't throw that box away. And one year, during our time working in the transitional living program with kids that were aging out of our care here, we had bought everyone irons, so I had all these iron boxes. So for years everything was wrapped in an iron box and it was like you have to open it. But before you open the box you have to try to guess what's really in the box, and so now it's a question every year is is this really?

Speaker 4 3:25

an iron.

Speaker 3 3:26

Or what did Miss Poppy put? In this box, Because you know it's never what the box says on the outside.

Speaker 2 3:32

Okay, All right, so let's start off by defining tradition. So how would you define family traditions?

Speaker 3 3:39

For me. I think it's something that you do, that you repeat every year, and it becomes important. It becomes part of the glue that holds your family together. Those traditions do, and it can be anything from mom gives me a sucker on my way out the door to my first day of school all the way to really big things like how you manage Christmas, but it's something that you repeat year after year after year with your children.

Speaker 4 4:04

Well that, and I think too, no matter where you are, no matter how old you are, it's what, that sense of belonging and you know that I mean I can be having the worst day, but I know two days is Thanksgiving and we're going to come together and we're just going to have this great day as a family because we're going to do all these things, or Christmas, you know, whatever holiday it is, I just think it is. It's just that glue, that sense of belonging, that love and belonging.

Speaker 5 4:28

And I think it's something that you do. No matter where you are, you still keep your family traditions. We have lived all over the place. Jenny's lived in Thailand. Traditions we have lived all over the place. Jenny's lived in Thailand, jordan and Colorado. Us in Texas, and we would video call and still manage to do some of our traditions together, especially on the holidays or birthdays. We just would do it differently. Those traditions we made happen regardless of where we all were. It's between us.

Speaker 4 4:54

We did the same during COVID. We've never done FaceTime Christmas opening gifts with family before, but we did. We wanted to make sure Grace had that, so we did. We FaceTimed family and did our family traditions.

Speaker 2 5:07

I actually think that's really interesting that in that time of COVID how those things did keep us together Because that was kind of a weird, weird time, I didn't know what was going to happen A lot of those traditions are kept us in contact and having the technology and stuff. I think that was important. So I think you all kind of mentioned that the traditions are referred to as the glue that holds the family together. Why do you think that that is?

Speaker 3 5:28

I think in this, in the in the world that we live in, families get spread out and they don't get to be together as much as they were, maybe when I was a child or when my parents were children, and so I think that the things that we teach our kids about who we are and what we do carry forward, and my children are doing things with their children that we did with them and those are things that my parents did with us, so those traditions have connected us across the generations.

Speaker 5 5:59

And your traditions make you part of that family, whether it's your bio family or people that you grew up together. Those traditions connect you together and make you a part of a family or a group.

Speaker 2 6:11

So in what ways do traditions contribute to a sense of identity and belonging within a family unit?

Impact of Everyday Family Traditions

Speaker 3 6:16

I think that traditions define our families. You know, and I've listened to kids over the years talk about different traditions that their families had, and those traditions are important to them because they give them a sense of who they were. And when our kids come into care here at Boys Ranch, it's really important for us to try to understand what their traditions were and to maybe incorporate those traditions into the things that we're doing, because it does give those kids a sense of identity and a sense that they belong in that circle. Sometimes we have kids who don't get to go home at a holiday season and I always want to ask them what are things that this will not be Christmas without? And let's see if we can make that thing happen for those kids. Or this won't be Thanksgiving without. It's usually at Thanksgiving it's some food, and often it's a food I don't traditionally cook, but we're going to figure out how to fix that food so that that child feels like they're connected and like they're bringing their family to our table for that celebration.

Speaker 4 7:15

We do the same thing and a lot of times I have my casework or the child can get that recipe from mom, grandma, aunt, where it comes from, and we make it together.

Speaker 4 7:23

We've actually had a grandmother make and send some stuff that one boy had a cookie that he just had to have on Christmas and he wasn't able to go home because grandma was ill. So she had her best friend or her aunt, her sister, I don't remember who did it but they made those cookies and sent them to him, and so I think it's just incorporating their sense of home and belonging.

Speaker 5 7:45

I think that's real important to connect who they are to who we are and bring that to our family. Here we had a grandma that would always send her grandson a pound cake every year on his birthday, and she'd send one just for him and then extra for the home to share. And so one time I asked her for her recipe and she hand wrote it out and gave it to me.

Speaker 5 8:07

And years later I'm talking to Chris and he said man, I miss my grandma's pound cake so much. And I said I have her recipe, I have her handwritten recipe. And he cried and said will you please send it to me Because nobody in the family had that and I had kept it in my personal recipe book. So I was really glad to be able to share that with him.

Speaker 2 8:27

Years later, Can you share some examples of how small everyday traditions can have a big impact on family relationship?

Speaker 4 8:34

I mean, I just think that you know every morning the way way you I wake up the kid every morning, they're greeted. You know the same way when they come home from school. I mean they know Ms Thorne is going to say hey, how was your day? Tell me, you know, what did you do here? Did you learn something today? How was I stop and greet every one of them and ask them questions? But I think some of them I know it's funny now because they'll walk in and I'm like hey, and they'll just start talking because they know that I'm going to ask questions. But I know some of them every morning is like good morning, how are you? Let me get this day started. You know what you got going on today.

Speaker 4 9:07

There was a couple of weeks ago that we just had a lot going on and one of the boys came up to me and he's like you didn't ask me and it's just. I didn't even think about it, but it was just. I get in a habit of saying the certain things all the time. They just get used to that. I don't. I don't know if it would be considered a habit or a tradition, but I mean I think it's. They get it, they understand and they get to expect that and then when it's not there, you know, they kind of throws them off in our home at night.

Speaker 3 9:34

I go to every room and stop it at each kid's bed and check in with them and make sure they have everything they need and that they're okay. I pray with the ones who are open to me praying with them. Last night I had two girls who were running behind. They'd been running all day, literally running all day from one thing to the next, and they hadn't had showers yet, so they were going to be a little bit late getting in bed. And about 15 minutes after I had checked in on them and they weren't in bed yet, I hear one of them hollering from the hallway Miss Poppy, miss Poppy, did you forget us? Because they weren't going to sleep until I came by their room and they thought, because I hadn't come right back, that I had forgotten them.

Speaker 3 10:15

So I think that the tradition of stopping by their room and stopping at their bed and talking to them is important and our relationship is stronger because of that. I can't tell you how many things I've heard at night in that five minutes that I'm at their bed, how many things that I would not have heard, that I would not have known had I not taken the time to do that. And it's just simple. It's easy Just start at room one and make my way through, sometimes shake it up and start at room five and go the other way. But it matters to the kids and I hope that it's a tradition they'll carry forward with their children someday.

Speaker 4 10:51

Well, and being in the boys' home, roger does that. He goes through every. Whenever it gets time delights out, he goes through every room. I contact those few little minutes of what he spends with each boy in their room before Okay, I'm sitting there like, do you need anything? But he does the same thing. Or you know, okay, I'm sitting in the light, do you need anything? But he does the same thing. And I think it's good for the dads to be able to do that with the boys and have that last few minutes.

Speaker 5 11:16

I think it's easy to think about all the big traditional things that we do and sometimes we don't realize how the small everyday things have such a great impact. And I think sometimes it is as simple as just stopping and saying, hey, how was your day? Or do you need anything from me for tomorrow? Or a family meal together. Family meals were always important in my family when we grew up. They weren't an option to not be home for dinner or on Sunday after church. And then we started that Ray and I did with our own family and we carried that over to our Boys Ranch family. And it's just, it's small and simple, but it had a huge impact on our relationships. So my kids will remember events or things that we did over things that they got or thing and they'll always say that they want an experience, not a thing.

Speaker 2 12:06

I think it all comes back to connection and belonging and safety that those people are going to be there.

Speaker 4 12:11

When I think too in birthdays, you know, I didn't realize until I came to work out here is that some children did not celebrate birthdays, and birthdays were huge in our, in our family. And so we just had a young man the other day that was like, well, I don't want to cake, I just I don't, I don't want to do that. And I'm like, well, what if we do something? You know how? About pie? That's not traditional. We ended up on brownies, but they ended up being brownies with candy bars in the middle and it turned into a thing. But then he's like I don't want happy birthday written on it and that. And then he's like put his candles in the shape of a heart, since we couldn't sing happy birthday to him. And I was like, oh, he may not. And he was so excited he's like can I take a picture of that? And so we're like, oh yeah, we'll take a picture. And he's like we'll add a picture with Grace, you know, and then one by your. You know I'm a picture person. And then he did.

The Power of Simple Family Traditions

Speaker 4 13:11

He's like, okay, I guess you can sing, but you can't video, and so but I mean it's, it's hard for us who grew up, you know, making every day. You know, you're from the minute you wake up and we do it here. I mean, I was like happy birthday. As soon as he gets up and we start singing to him, he's like but you're within the smile, you know, and it's just, it breaks your heart that those, some of these children never. We had a boy that was 18 and um, we got him and I'm like okay, we're gonna have a birthday. He's like oh, whatever. And I said anything you want. How do you want it decorated? And he's like anything. And I said yes, and he's like can we do princess and the frog?

Speaker 4 13:44

I'm like absolutely, and so we did. He wore that tiara proudly all night long. But it's just the little things we take for granted with you know, ourselves and our own children that he was very excited about. That was his favorite movie and I think just doing little things like that, making little things, that's a big thing, your birthday and making them comfortable enough to celebrate.

Speaker 2 14:08

I think y'all said it keep it simple. So I think sometimes we try to make traditions more complicated than they need to be. So how would you go about focusing more on connection rather than complexity when it comes to setting up traditions?

Speaker 3 14:20

So when I think about starting traditions with the kids here at Boys Ranch, I remind myself that, realistically, I have this many kids in this home, and what I do for this one, I need to be able to do for the rest of them as well, so simplicity is key here. The celebration is just as amazing, but keeping it simple really matters, and so that might be allowing them to choose their food, or it might be that I select a menu that is a menu that we have for everyone's birthday and that we, on birthday nights, this is what we eat at this house, and then that becomes a tradition for them, and they're usually fine with it. You pick something that kids generally like.

Speaker 3 14:59

It might be tacos or hamburgers or whatever Not anything that's so complicated that I'm going to be overwhelmed with the preparations of dinner as opposed to being in the moment with the kids, because I think that's what matters more than anything, and I think you can do that every day with little things like how you sit down together at a meal at night that everybody understands that we're not going to pray until everyone's here. When everyone's here, we're going to say grace for dinner and then we're going to eat together and we're going to stay at this table until everyone's through eating and then we're going to get up and go about our business. And so I just think that you have to slow down the world and slow down the role of life and take time for what matters.

Speaker 2 15:40

Can you discuss the importance of creating new traditions?

Speaker 4 15:43

I think that really helps bring a sense of belonging and family. When they're in the creating of the new tradition and you know, this is ours, we've started this, you know, and then next year they're like oh hey, we did this. I think it just really brings in that family unit of making them feel more a part of the home and the family, because I mean, once you're with us, I mean your family, we're for life and so you just. It just continues that connection and grows it.

Speaker 3 16:10

And I think it's important for us to be open to new traditions as adults taking care of kids. So for me, I think the first time that I remember being impacted by new traditions happened when I got married, to discover, I think, one of the big differences that some people have is do you open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, and how do you meld your traditions together with your spouse, who may have grown up with completely different traditions than you grew up with? And so I think that you have to be open to new traditions, you have to be willing to try new things and just keep an open mind about it. And I think it's very important because, out of the differences in my life's traditions and my spouse's life's traditions, we've created a beautiful family traditions together.

Speaker 5 16:59

I think it's important too, if you're mixing cultures, yes, so especially in a boys ranch home, you might have kids from different cultures, and I think it's important to allow them to bring some of their culture in to create new traditions. I know Ray and I we do some traditional things that are from his Hispanic culture and we do some traditional things that are from my German background, and so we've been able to mesh those together. And now Jenny is engaged to Alex's Vietnamese, and so she's learning about the Vietnamese culture and they're planning their wedding with some of those traditions from her Hispanic culture and his Vietnamese culture. So it's been real interesting. So it'll be interesting too to see some of how their traditions are formed, using their family's traditions and then them creating new ones. So I think it's important that we bring our history and our culture into creating new traditions.

Speaker 3 17:53

And I think that it's also important to think about how you create traditions with people from different religious cultures and backgrounds. One of the most beautiful experiences I've had in my time at Cal Farley's is having a Jewish girl in my care and getting to allow her to help us learn to celebrate Hanukkah together with her. We did it all. She wanted it to be part of what we did and she was fully engaged in celebrating Christmas with us as well. But we learned so much, and all of the girls that lived with us learned so much. In fact, many of those girls have got menorahs in their house and I think it goes back to celebrating Hanukkah with our little girl, who was Jewish.

Speaker 4 18:34

Sometimes traditions happen and you don't even know the tradition.

Speaker 4 18:38

Years ago, whenever we took over our home, christmas came. We took over in the summer and Christmas came, so we'd go out out and we dig out all of the boxes and stuff and we had a christmas tree that kind of didn't want to stand up straight, roger, like tied string to it and tacked it to the top and to the ceiling so it didn't fall over. But there was like very little christmas decorations here and so we were scrounging, getting stuff up. But we were sitting there when, you know, we had a deer and angels in the front yard and the wind started blowing one night and when the boys were like him, what's that outside? And we're like we don't know.

Speaker 4 19:08

So we went outside and there was all of this red Christmas garland had blown into the yard and it hung on this deers and angels that were lit up in our yard. So those boys pulled that garland off of this. God sent us this garland, it was sent from heaven, and so they put this red garland on the christmas tree. You know that garland is still on the tree 21 years later, that it is falling apart and frail, but it has been passed down. That story has been passed down every year since we put up. Trust me, we've bought new trees, we've got all this other pretty garland and it's tattered and in pieces. But there is pieces of that red garland on our main tree every year because it was sent from God and it was heaven sent and so it's just fun. The kids laugh about it and it's just, and even kids that have come back and they're like oh, you still have our red. Yes, you have to have the red Christmas garland.

Speaker 2 20:02

That's one of the things I love about traditions is that it connects the present to the past. And the kids today still kind of cherish that and can feel like they're a part of something that happened. What you say 21 years, 21 years ago.

Speaker 4 20:13

That's beautiful.

Speaker 2 20:15

Well, thank you for making it your weekly tradition to listen to this show, and we hope that it is a blessing to you and your family. If you would like to contact us and ask us a question, our email address is podcast at calfarleyorg. I'll leave a link in the description. Also, if you haven't already, please follow and subscribe to the show and leave a five-star review and tell your best friend that they should listen. Also, as always, remember you might have to loan out your front of lobes today. Just make sure you remember to get them back.

Speaker 1 20:40

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.