Recognizing and Addressing Anxiety in Youth

Anxiety manifests in many forms, from the natural anticipation of an event to the pervasive and immobilizing fear that can shape a child’s daily life.

We’ll explore how children’s early experiences, parenting styles, and modern challenges like social media and technology contribute to anxiety. With expert insights, we’ll also address whether today’s youth truly are the most anxious generation, and what factors—like the COVID-19 pandemic, shifting societal norms, and parental pressures—play a role in shaping their mental health.

Join us as we discuss practical strategies for parents to recognize signs of anxiety, provide support, and balance the challenges of raising kids in an increasingly fast-paced and connected world.

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Transcript

Anxiety in Children and Teenagers

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.

Speaker 3 0:30

Hello and welcome. Today we're going to talk about a very important issue anxiety in children.

Speaker 2 0:34

To do that today, I'm joined by Suzanne Wright, Vice President of Training and Intervention, Katherine.

Speaker 4 0:40

Clay, director of Clinical Services. Christy Reeves, neurofeedback.

Speaker 5 0:44

Specialist.

Speaker 3 0:44

All right, let's kick off with our question of the day, Since we're talking about anxiety. What's something that your kids or a family member do that causes you undue amount of anxiety?

Speaker 2 0:54

This isn't so much now that my kids are grown, but when we used to try to take family pictures and I have three daughters trying to get everybody to smile at the same time to look in the right direction would make me crazy and I would just be anxious and a ball of anger by the time it was over. I used to hate. And what's funny now is, you know, it's rare that they're all three together and so when they are all say let's take a picture, and they kick right into that silly goofy. You know, I think now they're doing it on purpose, but that used to always just make me anxious. I wanted a good outcome, a good picture, and here they are Right, yeah.

Speaker 4 1:30

And you put a lot of work into preparing, coordinating all those clothes and fixing all that hair yeah. For me. When I have two small children and when they speak to me at the same time, or if one is speaking and the other one starts speaking, my anxiety peaks. I can't process those two things at once and that's hard for me.

Speaker 5 1:50

I would say mine is more of like overwhelming physical touching, or like with my kids. Like if they're in my space, in my bubble, I get very agitated.

Speaker 2 2:02

How about you, Josh?

Speaker 3 2:03

Mine's kind of weird, I guess. Maybe not weird. My daughters are in sports and when they play I'm more nervous than they are. Last week they had a game and at tip-off I checked my Fitbit and my heart rate was 122. Wow, and at halftime it was like 160-something. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 2:19

I would agree with that too. I think that I've been more stressful watching my children compete and try out for things than any time in my life when it was me. You just get really anxious about that.

Speaker 3 2:31

So, since we're talking about anxiety, how would you define anxiety, especially as it relates to children and teenagers?

Speaker 4 2:36

I think there's a lot of different forms of anxiety. I think some anxiety is typical or normal, and that may be the anticipation of an event, the anticipation of a basketball game or pictures or whatever it may be, and then, once that event occurs, the anxiety ceases or decreases. I think that's pretty typical. And I think there's also anxiety that's pervasive, anxiety that doesn't ever decrease, anxiety that immobilizes you, and I think that can also be anxiety of like real things happening, perceived events or threats, and then I think too it can be anxiety can be kind of a baseline of someone's functioning. So, depending on how they experienced early years of life, how they observed or were taught to experience stressors, depending on how that went and how that modeling went and how that experience went, I think that that can impact whether this anxiety is part of a characteristic or personality.

Speaker 3 3:28

So there is a common belief that today's middle school, high school and even college students are the most anxious generation in history. Do you think that this is true and, if so, what factors might be contributing to this rise in anxiety?

Speaker 2 3:39

I've read that too, and I agree with that. There are so many factors. For one, kids are so much more aware of everything going on in the world than they were when I was a child. Right, if the six o'clock news was on at my house, I might have picked up bits and pieces, but it wasn't being streamed 24 hours a day and I didn't have a computer in my hand where.

Speaker 2 4:04

I could access all of that information. I wasn't, you know. I was aware of what the kids in my school were doing, but I didn't know about the kids across town or in the next city over or statewide or nationwide. And now the world has just become a very small place and kids have an awareness of war and politics, and what's popular and what's not and who's who in the world of famous people. I just didn't know those things at that age because I didn't have access, and I think that access to technology, while it has also created a lot of good, has increased anxiety.

Speaker 4 4:43

I read a quote or heard on a podcast I can't remember that about cell phone usage and when to give kids cell phones and that whole debate that I think most parents go through, and the quote was essentially something like if you're ready for your child's childhood to end, hand them a phone. Wow.

Speaker 4 4:58

And that kind of speaks to what you're saying. And I know I mean, I know it's inevitable. You know, when I was a kid I didn't get a cell phone until I needed a cell phone, which was when I was driving, and that's just how it was in my family, and we had obviously not cell phones that could access what our phones access now. But I just thought about that with my own kids and my sister's kids, and just you know, we all have friends that have kids that are about at that age, and now it seems like kids are getting cell phones and access to technology, whether it's monitored or not. I think it depends, but that that quote stuck with me and it's kind of like a little bit painful to hear.

Speaker 2 5:32

Yeah, kind of like what you're saying Suzanne.

Speaker 4 5:34

So I read something about childhood anxiety being rooted in parents who are constantly rushing, like the two of those tied together. Is really the likelihood really high that the child will develop anxiety. And then I thought about myself, because I can be that way and how inevitable it is really when you're raising kids and you're on a schedule and you're trying to get to school not to rush right.

Speaker 2 5:57

So I think there's some grace to be had.

Speaker 4 5:59

But I think too like that to me speaks with. If you are coming into your parenting journey with your own anxiety or your own worry or your own fear or your own stuff, then that will come out through the way that you parent. I know that there's I don't know if this is a correct term but the helicopter parenting stuff. I think is maybe a manifestation of our own stuff, our own parenting struggles or our own history or whatever, where we are trying to constantly protect our kids from every adverse experience or every pitfall or trying to make them not have to experience pain or stress or hurt. And I think, while the intent there is incredibly pure and loving, I think that that can create some anxiety or some fear to make choice or fear to decision make, whatever it may be. So that to me kind of speaks to what you're asking.

Speaker 2 6:45

You know, I think also that we're talking about kids being influenced by social media, but parents are too, and so I see parents of young children, children who are still in the home, and the social media targeted towards them shows women whose makeup is always done and their hair is perfect and their home is clean and, you know, they have the newest furniture and there's never a spill on the carpet, and I just think that's a lot of pressure too, and so if I perceive that that's the real world and I'm not measuring up, then that anxiety for me is definitely going to impact my children.

Speaker 5 7:21

And I don't even think we're all conscious of what we're taking in and how it affects us, Like because I have seen a thousand perfect homes with that perfect family presentation and I don't even think about like, oh well, I don't feel good about myself when I look at that, but it's sinking in. And the same with our kids.

Speaker 3 7:41

Katherine, you mentioned the helicopter parent. I've also heard them described as the lawnmower parent, where they go and mow down every obstacle that the kid can face, and I'd like to think that their intentions are pure like you said, but sometimes I wonder if it's about the parent making themselves look good, so that it reflects on them too.

Speaker 4 8:00

Yeah, well, I think too. Just speaking of that, again, there's misunderstanding about the purpose of stress, I think right. So by no means do we want our kids to be in chronic stress or stress that create vulnerability or inability to function. But predictable stress and manageable stress is what creates resiliency in all of us and children, and so I think we have to be mindful that we let our kids experience some hurt or some stress, or that they have. They don't succeed at every single thing, because it's just not realistic in our world and no one else, once they're grown, no one else, is going to protect and care and mow down obstacles, like you said.

Speaker 3 8:40

I think it's good to have that moderate stress when they're young and have a safety net.

Speaker 5 8:44

Right.

Speaker 3 8:44

And then that way they know how to deal with it when they're old.

COVID-19 and Social Media Effects on Kids

Speaker 5 8:47

Right Like practice being. You practice working through it with a safe environment and an adult. That's actually like going to walk through that with you.

Speaker 3 8:54

So what role do you think that the COVID-19 pandemic played in the increase of anxiety related issues among our children and teens?

Speaker 2 9:01

Well, I think it certainly increased the anxiety in adults, right so that we were facing something unknown, we were getting contradicting information. You know we were scared, it was just such an unprecedented time and so that stress that the adults felt certainly bled over into our kids because we didn't really have the answers and it was hard to provide that reassurance because nobody knew when we'd have to quit working from home or, you know, doing school online, and it was stressful for the adults.

Speaker 3 9:35

Yeah, that online school definitely was stressful for me. I was exposed in multiple ways of my ineptitudes in math and reading, but honestly though, that did carry over into. I'm trying to help them learn and stress them out, stress me out, and I think that did have impact on their schooling.

Speaker 2 9:52

I think as far as directly related to children and teens, some kids were very worried about being sick or they were worried about sick family members, they were out of their routine and one of the things we talk about so frequently on this podcast is how important routine and structure and consistency is for brain development, for our kids and for their ability to feel safe and we, you know, all of that was kind of thrown out the window, especially during the earliest months of COVID.

Speaker 4 10:23

We were also extremely isolated during those times, adults and kids and families, teenagers. I remember here on campus there was a home in the girls community that I was a counselor for during COVID and that home I remember me I probably had to meet with every single one of those girls for assessment of some type and they the chief complaint was isolation and then also the lack of like because they were isolated within the home. So there were other girls in the home, right, but that's the only girl. They were only able to be around the girls in their home and if their relationships were good before, they were not good during.

Speaker 4 11:03

COVID or after, and so that was such a stressor to think like they once got to intermingle or see a boyfriend or whatever it may be, and now they couldn't even leave their front porch, and that in itself just perpetuated the fear and anxiety around what is happening in this world right now.

Speaker 3 11:20

I think it was interesting too when we came out of the pandemic. There's a lot of stress of reintegrating with other people. Kids and us adults, I think, forgot how to interact with each other and that caused a lot of stress trying to re-navigate those relationships as well.

Speaker 5 11:32

Well, and I don't think that kids have like a concrete idea of time necessarily. So I mean that could have felt a lot more permanent than the adults were feeling, yeah, they lacked the perspective.

Speaker 2 11:44

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 3 11:45

So how does social media impact anxiety in young people today? Are there specific social media related issues that parents should be aware of?

Speaker 4 11:52

I think about this a lot because when I work with teenagers and I think back on, like my middle school years or my high school years and I had whether it was good relationships at school or bad relationships I had to interact with them for a finite amount of time. Right, I'll go to school for these eight hours. I'll switch classes. If I'm having a hard time with one kid, I'll get through that class. I'll go home. I'll be with my family, I'll be with my friends. I get to choose who is in my world.

Speaker 4 12:16

And then I hear kids talking about like how and Suzanne, you mentioned this how much access they have to each other. So if that's great and those are healthy, good relationships, maybe that's awesome. But if you're trying to escape a bully or you're trying to escape a toxic environment or someone having access to you, it's almost like they don't even have to have permission to have access to you anymore and I think that's really difficult and I don't know how I would cope with that. You know, having never almost like contact or access being inescapable just feels like the phones and the social media and that kind of stuff don't protect us in that way.

Speaker 2 12:48

Well, and how many people children and teens and adults alike are motivated by that light to a post right. They're motivated by that dopamine release in their brain because that can be a positive thing and it can drive your behavior and take your focus. I think at this point we all realize that real relationships in real life are much more healthy and impactful than relationships you might have on social media with somebody that you will never meet.

Speaker 4 13:21

Right Like. The reward is different.

Speaker 2 13:23

Exactly, but especially for kids who don't have belonging in real life right if they struggle to fit in with social groups or feel isolated, for whatever reason, those social media relationships fill that role and, just like you said, that could be positive or it could be negative. I think the second part of that question what should parents be aware of is all of it right. Parents should, you know, take the time to learn about the social media apps their kids are using. They should take time to monitor that. They should talk to their kids about real life experiences and give them opportunity. You know parents have to create a balance, just like we have to create that balance for ourselves.

Speaker 4 14:04

The balance piece, I think is really wise because you cannot avoid social media access, all that stuff, right and like we were talking before, that's those are challenges that kids are going to face outside of our care and so I think that the balance of and what the rules and expectations are in your home sometimes we do have screens, sometimes we don't like all that stuff that strikes a good balance of reality versus trying to protect.

Speaker 3 14:27

I think those are all important I think one of the challenges with this is that for us as adults, we didn't really go through this when we were kids. We know we don't understand kind of the problems and issues because, cell phones and screens weren't a thing and it changes so quickly.

Speaker 5 14:42

I mean, how do you even educate your child on things that you don't have full concept of yourself?

Speaker 2 14:47

Right, yeah, we've talked about providing a class for our staff on technology hygiene. That's a great idea and it's a great idea, but finding that information is hard right. And so, even as trainers, josh and I have struggled to come up with that information, to present it, because it does change so fast.

Speaker 4 15:06

It's almost like you'd have to have the kids teach you, and would they teach you all the information? Yeah? Because they know it better than us. By the time we learn, it changes yeah.

Speaker 3 15:16

And sometimes it feels just easier to throw your hands up and say well, they'll just figure it out themselves because I don't know. Right and unfortunately, I think that creates more problems. Yeah, so what would you say are some of the warning signs that your child might be struggling with anxiety?

Speaker 4 15:28

A couple that come to mind for me are kind of feeling a bit immobile or unable to make a choice or problem solve. You know, and I think there's some fear around, am I going to make the wrong choice? What are the results of that choice? Who will it affect? All that kind of stuff? Muscle tension, avoidance we talk a lot here about, like increased heart rate or any other bodily function that can reflect stress.

Diagnosing Anxiety in Children

Speaker 5 15:51

So those are some to look for, I think, emotional reactions that are outside of you know, either too big or deadened, you know just, they don't match. What the experience appears to be, I think, is a good clue.

Speaker 3 16:02

Catherine, you mentioned inability to make decisions. A couple years ago it was right after coming out of COVID, really I went out to dinner with the track team after they had an end of the year track party and all the kids on the track team could not decide what they would. They couldn't decide what they wanted to eat at the restaurant and they were so nervous and so anxious they wouldn't even order off the menu.

Speaker 3 16:22

They made the coaches order for them and it just spoke to me like man, these kids just are so stressed they don't know how to deal with it.

Speaker 1 16:28

And.

Speaker 3 16:29

I often wonder, you know, maybe they haven't been given that experience of going to a restaurant so they didn't really know what to expect, so they just kind of shut down instead of being able to actually order. Yeah, so does anxiety sometimes get misdiagnosed as other issues such as ADHD?

Speaker 4 16:44

ADHD is a tough one, right Like. I think that the symptoms that we see in an ADHD diagnosis can mirror symptoms of anxiety or depression or other diagnoses really. But what I think about when we're working with kids, especially kids from hard places like where the kids we work with, a lot of them come from spaces where they were in chronic stress or they did experience unpredictable prolonged events that shaped their stress response system and then what that creates is hypervigilance or fear or panic or anxiety or looping of fear, and that reflects anxiety more. I think when we start to see kids that have resting heart rates, that look like they're running a marathon even though they're sitting still, I think we have to be curious about that.

Speaker 4 17:28

I don't think you can always say that's an anxious kid. I think there's too many variables. But if your heart rate's 120 and you're sitting with your best friend and you feel very perceived safe, then I think you have to ask why is the body in fear or why is the body running or why is the body elevated in that way? So I think that there's a lot to think about. We do have a lot of kids come with ADHD at diagnosis here and they're true diagnoses. But I think there's also a lot inside that diagnosis to be curious about.

Speaker 3 17:55

So what challenges or complications can arise from a misdiagnosis of anxiety?

Speaker 4 18:00

A lot of kids have a diagnosis of ADHD that might be better diagnosed as PTSD Some of the symptomology or the criteria for that diagnosis you could argue the case.

Speaker 4 18:12

Either way, I think what we have to look at is what is the child's history right?

Speaker 4 18:16

And so I'm not saying a kid that has a difficult history is not going to have ADHD, but a kid with a traumatic history is probably also going to have some post-traumatic symptoms.

Speaker 4 18:25

And what we often see is a kid being diagnosed with ADHD. They're prescribed a medication that might increase their arousal, like a stimulant medication for example, and then the ADHD type behaviors are still present because they've put a stimulant medication on a resting heart rate that's like 120, right, and so that's only if it's trauma related. It's only going to increase the arousal and that's not helpful. And so I think that these all these measures the heart rate and what you notice and what the criteria for the diagnosis and the history of the child all that stuff needs to be looked at holistically when we're looking at diagnoses and treatment. There are plenty of times when we have kids that come from hard places who would meet criteria for post-traumatic stress, that, once on a medication to help lower their arousal, are able to function much better because they're not running at 120 beats per minute, they're in the normal range, they're able to connect with others, they're able to feel safe, they're able to learn, they're able to retain information all that stuff because we've corrected them being over aroused constantly.

Speaker 2 19:25

I think this probably doesn't happen outside of organizations like ours, but I never would have been able to tell you what my children's resting heart rates were right.

Speaker 2 19:35

But we've talked about it a lot just in this session of the podcast. And so one of our first approaches whenever we have house parents who say, hey, I'm noticing this behavior in this child, I'm wondering if they might need counseling or medication, or one of the first things I see counselors ask for is a resting heart rate, right. And so that we are getting concrete information about that child and we do have their history that we can look at. But you know, how is their body responding? So it's not just, hey, what are you thinking about, right, but it's how is their body actually functioning day to day. And so that information ends up being helpful, and that is information that you could obtain and talk to your pediatrician about.

Speaker 4 20:21

I think that's really wise, because the presentation on the outside does not always match what the body's saying right.

Speaker 4 20:28

So I had a client in my office the other day who nearly was falling asleep when we were trying to do an intervention and I took her heart rate and it was 102, I think. And so it was just interesting to see those differences and what is that right, and I don't have the answers to all of these things, but it really allows me to be curious about. She's nearly asleep but her heart's beating 102 beats per minute, and that's interesting. It's good to know.

Speaker 2 20:53

So just for context for our listeners what is a normal range for heart rate?

Speaker 4 20:58

The typical range is 60 to 80 beats per minute. However, children almost always run higher than that and I think even like when I was pregnant and the nurse told me the heart rate of my child and it was like 100 and something. I got concerned.

Speaker 2 21:12

I thought that's so bizarre. I learned that's normal.

Speaker 4 21:16

And I think too, like if it's 90s, it's not wild, right, but I think, if you consider the fact that the child is resting, sitting still, and their heart rate reflects as if they were running a marathon, it's just good information to note.

Speaker 3 21:31

So when should a parent or a caregiver consider seeking professional support for a child dealing with anxiety?

Speaker 5 21:36

When it interferes with day-to-day functioning.

Speaker 4 21:38

I would say and I don't think there's any harm in exploring interventions or options or professional help or whatever it may be if it feels like it's outside of your ability as the parent, right. So I don't think it's a problem if you seek help, even if you feel like, well, they're coping okay or they're doing okay in school or whatever. If there's ever anything inside you that stirred up that says I might want some help with this, I think you do it. I think you check it out, find some resources.

Speaker 2 22:03

Yeah, and what you may hear from that professional is that this response is normal.

Speaker 1 22:09

Right.

Speaker 2 22:09

And it's typical, and that reduces your anxiety as well, I think as parents, it's easy for us to worry, especially I know I worried a lot as a first time parent because I didn't have any context or experience and then, as I parented more children, I learned, but I did worry more. And so if you're concerned, if you're anxious about it, talk to a professional your pediatrician or a counselor and that will give you context and information.

Speaker 3 22:39

Well, thank you so much for joining us today. If you'd like to contact us and ask a question, our email address is podcast at calfarleyorg. I'll leave a link in the description. Also, if you haven't already, don't stress about it, it's super easy to do. I want you to follow and subscribe to the show and leave us a five-star review. I know it will help relieve some of this anxiety and stress in your life. As always, you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just remember to make sure you get them back.

Speaker 1 23:03

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.