Raising Purpose Driven Kids Through Family Responsibilities

 Join us as we explore how a well-defined sense of purpose is not just inherent, but cultivated from a young age. We reflect on the significant roles that chores and family contributions played in our own youth, fostering a sense of belonging and duty. Our conversation underscores the importance of involving children in purposeful activities from middle school through high school, helping them grasp the value of their contributions to family and community.

Discover how community service and faith-based activities can transform and empower children, offering them leadership opportunities and a profound sense of gratitude and purpose.  With references to faith and community involvement, our guests reinforce the belief that everyone is created on purpose for a purpose. 

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Transcript

Fostering Purpose in Families

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer Now. Here is your host. Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.

Speaker 2 0:30

Hello and welcome. Today we're going to talk about the power of providing purpose for our kids, parents and families.

Speaker 3 0:35

To do that today, I'm joined by Suzanne Wright, Vice President of Training and Intervention.

Speaker 4 0:40

Shelly Miner, Director of Youth Activities.

Speaker 5 0:43

And I'm Mike Wilhelm the. Director of Faith-Based Outreach.

Speaker 2 0:46

All right, let's kick off with our question of the day. So for today, I want to know when you were in high school, what hobby or activity did you dedicate most of your time to?

Speaker 4 0:54

For me it was sports. I did all the sports through school and did all the sports in the summer, so it was non-stop for me.

Speaker 3 1:02

I was a band nerd. I really enjoyed being part of band and I was also a twirler, which meant I got to wear go-go boots and sparkly outfits, and it was right up my alley.

Speaker 5 1:13

Did you have a tiara?

Speaker 3 1:14

I didn't, but I had a black velvet cape with red satin lighting.

Speaker 2 1:18

Man wow fancy.

Speaker 3 1:20

Yeah, I didn't get to keep any of those things. I was not a twirler.

Speaker 5 1:25

Yeah, I didn't get to keep any of those things. I was not a twirler. Yeah, I didn't wear sparkly outfits. I played high school basketball and we also showed cattle. We spent a lot of time with show cattle growing up.

Speaker 2 1:37

Now for me. I'm kind of the biggest nerd, I think, of this group. I just read lots of comic books. That was my. I probably still. My wife always gives me a hard time because I still have a box of probably 3,000 to 4,000 comic books in my storage shed. Wow.

Speaker 3 1:52

Are they valuable?

Speaker 2 1:53

No To you To me. Yes, that's exactly right. They're very valuable. Do you still read them? That's part of the discussion is I do never read them, but why do I keep them?

Speaker 5 2:04

It's's yeah, so you're a hoarder, that's another episode Next time on Brain Based Parenthood.

Speaker 2 2:13

All right, so today we're going to be talking about purpose. So how would you define purpose in the context of parenting and family life?

Speaker 3 2:19

You know, purpose is one of the components of the Cal Farley's model of leadership and service, and we talk about purpose in two different ways, and the first way is how do we help children define their purpose, or in other words, what do you think you want to be when you grow up? Right, what are your skills, talents, interests, abilities, and how could you leverage those things in your life to give yourself a fulfilling, a fulfilling career? The other part of purpose that we talk about is how do you teach children the value of giving back to others and what opportunities you provide for that.

Speaker 4 2:55

I know, growing up we always had chores and I feel like that's a big part, kind of gives you a purpose in your family life. We all ate dinner together and I believe that's a big part of it as well. And we had jobs as soon as we were old enough I mean, I was probably not even in middle school and we had to go down and take care of the pool, the city pool and the snack bar and we would paint the pool and clean it and then we would run the snack bar all summer.

Speaker 4 3:19

It gave us purpose. I feel like.

Speaker 5 3:21

Yeah, it seems like defining it be doing things that need to be done.

Speaker 2 3:30

So why is it important for children to have a sense of?

Speaker 3 3:31

purpose and how does that impact their overall development?

Speaker 3 3:33

I think we all need a sense of purpose. We need to understand how we're connected to other people, not only in our family but in our community, and what our role is in that community, that it takes all of us to accomplish our goals and to be productive, and I don't think you just magically learn that when you become an adult. I think those are. Those are things that we teach children from the time they're very young, for example, with chores, like Shelly said, and so you know I can remember my kids sometimes saying, but I didn't, I didn't make that mess, I don't want to clean it up. I would say, well, I can remember my kids sometimes saying, but I didn't make that mess, I don't want to clean it up. I would say, well, sometimes I do chores. You know I didn't wear your clothes to get them dirty or, you know, eat off your plate to get it dirty. But we all work together to accomplish the things in our home that need to be done, and I think it's part of preparation for adult living.

Speaker 4 4:23

And I remember, you know, just thinking that my father had a job and my mom had a job, and you know what was I supposed to do and what was my purpose? And so I think it was we knew we needed to take care of the business around the house and we'd mow lawns and we would do laundry, and so I think that was just part of a family role, mike, I'm wondering.

Speaker 3 4:45

you grew up raising cattle and that certainly has a lot of responsibility from a young age.

Speaker 5 4:49

Yeah, I'm very grateful for that. I think it's not realistic for our listeners that we're not living in an agrarian society anymore, we're not on little farmsteads and that sort of thing. So a very small I mean what single digit percent of probably of kids now would grow up in a setting like that. But boy, for those who have had that experience. It's wonderful to have the responsibility of having to keep things alive. Okay, whether that be a crop or whether that be animals, you realize, even if you're a nine-year-old boy, that the stakes are high. What we do matters because it keeps things alive. So that's a wonderful gift and there's great benefit in that. But, like I said, there are other ways to discover purpose in a setting that doesn't have animals. But boy for those who have that. I'm very grateful for my background.

Speaker 2 5:49

Let's talk about purpose in the different age groups. So what does purpose look like?

Speaker 4 5:51

maybe in early childhood I think it goes back to chores or just for the very young. You need to clean your room. You need to show up for breakfast. If we have a family meeting, you have a part of that.

Speaker 3 6:01

I think even very young children can help set the table or put their laundry in the laundry basket or help clear the table. You know, there are so many things that are easy for us to do as adults because we're faster and we're more efficient. But we miss a lot of opportunity to teach children purpose when we do those tasks for them.

Speaker 2 6:22

I think it's really interesting when, when you think about little kids, they very much want to help, they're excited to help. But a lot of times like I was just listening to what you were saying like we as adults try and because it's faster, it's easier, and sometimes I think we rob the joy of them and then we wonder why later down the road they don't want to sweep the room, they want to wipe off the tables.

Speaker 4 6:49

They want to hand out snack. They want to empty the trash, so we do try to give them those opportunities.

Speaker 2 6:52

If they really enjoy it. What about upper elementary or middle school?

Involving Children in Purposeful Activities

Speaker 3 6:54

I think as children get older and they have more capabilities, that their responsibilities ought to increase in alignment with that. Again, if we have children that don't have any responsibilities in our household, they're going to really struggle to take care of themselves when they get into adulthood. Years ago I knew a young woman who had lived at home until she was married. And she gets married and she and her husband have their own house to live in and she's stunned that nobody's taking care of the chores right, who's going to do the laundry and who's going to cook dinner every night, because those things had really been provided for her. And I don't think we do children any favors if we don't prepare them to live independently later on, and having purposeful roles in your home and in your family is part of that.

Speaker 4 7:46

For myself growing up in middle school. I mean, I was mowing lawns and working at that pool, so we definitely had some chores, and then we also were beginning to get into sports or other extracurricular activities, and so I think part of that is you have to be committed and not miss those practices and those games, and so that becomes part of your purpose as well, I think that's where you've learned that your presence matters to the other people, right, so that if you skip practice or if you were to skip a game, it impacts your team, and that's really powerful knowledge.

Speaker 5 8:23

Yeah, and two for a child to grow up without any responsibilities and anything that is serving a purpose. But to boy that is a recipe for boredom, it's a joy killer. And then feelings of self-worth just really go down the tubes, don't they? Yeah, but I was just thinking back to talking about chores, because when you talk about early childhood or even middle school, they're not going to be able to do high level things that for safety reasons and they can't drive a vehicle and whatnot, but those things that they can do. Some kids can't wait to be able to take the broom and be able to go sweep the gym floor down there.

Speaker 5 9:07

But that's not every kid can't wait to be able to take the broom and be able to go sweep the gym floor down there. That's not every kid and I wonder if there's not some kids that really need to do things together with the adult. Let's do this, find ways to do it with the adult, where oftentimes if we're overwhelmed or just not feeling like the extra work it takes to actually do the thing with the child, we want to kind of bark at them and hey, you need to make up your bed or hey, you need to and whatever. Well, that's not a very good way to motivate a kid that might be stuck and not seeing the purpose in it. Right, but it seems like for some of those kids that need a little more motivation, if I as an adult can find ways to say let's do this now and we're doing this together in different roles, don't you think that helps draw some kids in that normally might kind of balk?

Speaker 3 9:54

at some of these simple tasks.

Speaker 3 9:55

Absolutely, and I also think each person needs to understand how valuable that task or that role is to the family, is to the family In this example, I know you know in at work we talk a lot about the fact that every person, every role, needs to understand how they support the mission of the organization right, and there are a lot of people that office in this building where we are recording, and I will tell you that the most important person in this building is our custodian right and she supports the mission so that all of us can do the work we do. And, for example, josh and I both office in this building. If we were to be gone for a week, you're not really going to miss us, or what?

Speaker 3 10:37

we do, but if our custodian is gone for a week, we miss her right, we miss the care that she provides, and so that's arguably one of the most valuable roles in our organization are the people who ensure that our spaces are safe and clean so that we can do what we want to do, and so kids, too, need to understand that. Why is it important to sweep them off the kitchen floor? Why is it important for the laundry to get done? You know they don't automatically understand the value of the tasks that we're asking them to do.

Speaker 5 11:09

And I think, as you have those discussions, because you can see where this could really go all wrong, and especially if you say you have a listener right now, maybe relationship with a child maybe a little bit strained and everybody's expecting there's maybe some fussing and some tension and well, we have this great new idea Johnny, you need purpose. And then we're barking at them to clean your room and then they're shaming and it just kind of escalates. But it seems like if we could use those inclusive we statements and continue to talk in terms of we instead of you need to and you need to, but where this is something that there's purpose and this is something that we're all in this and use, we rather than you, does that sound right?

Speaker 2 11:58

It does All right. Then let's look at high school. How does purpose change once kids start getting into those high school years?

Speaker 3 12:04

I think high school kids have many more opportunities to be involved in activities to contribute. You know there are some activities that have automatic community service built in right.

Speaker 3 12:16

You know, my children all competed in 4-H and no matter if you were showing animals or in a food service or a a food project or maybe sewing, every competition as part of it had a community service project right, so that you were giving back, and I think that's so important.

Speaker 3 12:35

I know that sometimes sports teams will do a community service project or other school clubs, but I just think it's valuable and it's easy to put on the back burner, you know, if there aren't adults whether those are coaches or teachers or 4-H leaders helping ensure that kids have that opportunity. I was involved in a community project last year and the people that turned out to do the project tended to be the retired and the elderly and there was one family with kids that showed up to participate and there were several families with kids middle school and high school kids who, for me, were notably absent. But I thought, wow, those parents are missing an opportunity for their kids to feel like they're contributing, members of this community right For them to feel value and to think that's important and to also see. To me it felt wrong that the older people were doing all these physical tasks and the younger people and their parents were notably absent, and I just think sometimes we miss opportunities like that to teach kids purpose and belonging.

Discovering Purpose Through Service and Faith

Speaker 2 13:42

I think those are great opportunities to help expand kids' awareness too. I mentioned earlier how often kids are not really thinking anywhere outside of their own sphere, like the world revolves around them. But when you get them out and they're doing some type of community activity, they realize other people have needs and maybe I can help people get needs and that kind of feels good to help other people, and so I think that's a good way to keep them from having that entitled feelings.

Speaker 4 14:06

Yeah, my dad was a doctor and so whenever he would get a call on a weekend or in the evening to meet someone and sew them up at the hall at the office, he would sometimes bring us kids.

Speaker 2 14:16

Oh, wow.

Speaker 4 14:16

And we would go and try to help and we would, you know, hey, hold this, hold the flashlight. So we actually, I mean helped develop x-rays and I mean it was. It was really a good. I did find out that I did not want to be a doctor really a good.

Speaker 4 14:32

I did find out that I did not want to be a doctor at that point, but that was fun and also one of my coaches lived out on a farm and had horses and that was one of my big loves and so I would go out and help feed their horse every day after practice. And then it was also a home of a veterinarian and so we had to help deliver animals and dogs and I mean so I just got to learn a whole lot of different things just by.

Speaker 4 14:50

Like you said, that was to me was my community service sort of.

Speaker 5 14:53

You know, try to think of a time when you took kids to go and help people and try to think of a time when the kids didn't respond in a positive way. Of all the times I've taken kids to go and do something meaningful to help other people, I can't think of a single time that it wasn't a positive experience for the kids, no matter who the kids were.

Speaker 3 15:19

It's a blessing to the children right.

Speaker 3 15:21

They think they're helping someone else and in turn, they're blessed by that interaction and by the gratitude of people. This goes back to what Josh said, but I think sometimes it's real easy not only for kids, for adults too but to feel sorry for ourselves or to feel like we're missing out on something, until you go and provide help to somebody whose circumstances may be more of a struggle than yours and all of a sudden you become really grateful for everything that you have. I think that's a big value in giving kids opportunity to help others.

Speaker 5 15:55

I have found that I have to get out of my little box and use my imagination in the best of ways and also extend a little bit of trust to the kids. And it's just beautiful what can happen in a setting like that. And I'm thinking about we maybe have talked about this even in podcasts before, but prayer rides that we've had over the years here at Boys Ranch, where we'll have 10, 12 students. We'll saddle up and we'll ride two miles west in this beautiful setting on our property for a sunset prayer and then we ride back. That all started through a small group of kids and they were some kind of rough and tough kids that were not what you call choir boys for chapel.

Speaker 3 16:39

They weren't typical youth group material.

Speaker 5 16:41

No, no, they weren't Okay. They were pretty standoffish about chaplain things, kind of kept themselves. But they were proficient at the horse barn and pretty quiet. And when I asked them one day if we'd want to go over maybe just have a simple prayer, well, they said, yeah, I think we'll do that. So they're the ones that took the initiative, got the horses ready and outfitted the whole thing and when we were done, the leader and he was a kid that really struggled out here and he said, sir, we're going to do that next week. And I said, well, yeah, let's do it. And other kids were able to start to go on those rides. But that kid became the leader, that kid who really struggled out here, and there was real purpose in his weeks out here. It didn't mean he developed a shining halo overnight, but he came to life and it was a game changer and suddenly there was a real purpose in his life and we still enjoy that tradition today that that boy helped start.

Speaker 4 17:41

Special Olympics is another thing.

Speaker 5 17:43

We have Special.

Speaker 4 17:43

Olympics out here and the kids. When we would ask for volunteers, it was overwhelming how many kids would actually want to be out there and then to actually see them in action, running around and helping all the athletes and cheering them on. It was amazing.

Speaker 5 17:57

We had the young lady who helped organize the largest gathering of Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes that we've ever done out here at Boys Ranch.

Speaker 5 18:07

Ever done out here at Boys Ranch yeah, a young lady that every year around Christmas time some listeners might be familiar with Samaritan's Purse, operation Christmas Child Shoebox Ministry and we gather up Our kids participate in that every year and they see purpose in that and it's really beautiful what happens. But we had a girl who was an atheist and she had her struggles and if you knew her story it really made sense why she had trouble believing in God. Right, and because of just some positive relationships she had on ranch and some of those were with chapel staff she stepped up and asked if she could help organize the Operation Christmas Child shoebox ministry. She says we need to do more boxes. And when it was all said and done, that girl did. She organized, she was bossing everybody around, from the kids to the staff, the chapel staff, and she had everybody in motion and we'd collected, I think, 225 shoeboxes that year, which was more than double than what we've ever done. But the power of purpose.

Speaker 3 19:09

She knew her purpose and she accomplished her goal.

Speaker 2 19:12

Amen. How does faith help guide families in finding and living out their purpose?

Speaker 5 19:17

Depending on what translation you're going to read this verse out of Philippians 2, 13,. It's God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. When you let out Josh, with this whole discussion, it seems like there's two different things that we'll think of with purpose. One is things that have a purpose, and I sense purpose in this, but then there's also the purpose, or my purpose, or that big purpose and that sort of thing, which is more elusive, but it's very transformative, and when I tell the kids out here, I really I believe that you were created on purpose, for a purpose, and I really think if they would, the more that we come to believe that that that really does change us, doesn't it?

Speaker 3 20:02

I think whatever values your family has will help guide your purpose right. So if you believe it's important to help your neighbors, you can find opportunities to do that right, or to volunteer at your church or if you're involved in other organizations. But your family values will help your children learn purpose.

Speaker 2 20:23

Thank you so much for joining us today. If you would like to contact us and ask us a question, our email address is podcast at calfarleyorg. I'll leave a link in the description and, as always, you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just make sure you remember and get them back.

Speaker 1 20:37

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.