From Kindergarten Backpacks to Graduation Caps and Gowns: A Parenting Reflection

Parenting is a journey of constant evolution that shifts from holding hands to letting go wisely, building a foundation of trust that stretches across any distance. 
Parenting doesn't end at graduation—it just evolves as your role shifts to meet their changing needs

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Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
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Transcript

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.

Speaker 2 0:30

I can hardly believe it, but my twin daughters are seniors in high school and graduation is just a few short weeks away. You know, it feels just like yesterday. They were little ones running around full of energy and joy During their junior year of high school. A lot of friends and family gave me some advice on how to handle the craziness of this senior year. A lot of people told me to cherish every moment. One friend in particular advised me not to focus on everything, being the last time they'll do something, which was probably, in retrospect, the best advice I received, because it allowed me to truly enjoy and focus on being fully present in all of this year's events. One thing everyone shared was to be prepared for how fast this year would go. Oh, my goodness, that was 100% accurate. Senior year has flown by in the blink of an eye.

Speaker 2 1:11

I was working on their senior slideshow the other day and I went down a rabbit hole of some memories. I saw their first day of school. Pictures had such sweet, cute little faces and they were beaming with excitement. I couldn't believe how big their backpacks looked on them. Almost 12 years ago, I remember being equally nervous and excited to drop them off. It felt like a new chapter for all of us. I saw pictures of elementary track and field days where they did potato sack races and tug of wars and all kinds of other silly events, seeing joy radiating out of their bodies. I saw teachers and coaches, who were always present. They were consistent presence, pushing and encouraging them to do their bodies. I saw teachers and coaches, who were always present. They were consistent presence, pushing and encouraging them to do their best. And I saw a lot of family members who showed up to all their events and gave them unconditional love and acceptance. I also remember all the stupid cartoon movies and TV shows that I sat through with them. That, if I'm being honest, I actually kind of enjoyed. I also think about Sunday school, vacation, bible school, church camps, all the different events they attended and the wonderful people who poured Jesus's love into them. I especially remember when they were seven years old and they came home from Vacation Bible School and were so excited to tell me that they had accepted Jesus into their hearts. I think about all the youth sports events and other activities we went to as a family the soccer games and trying to make sure they had their shin guards on just right, ballet and gymnastics and trying to figure out their outfits and get their hair all done up, going to basketball games and seeing them make their first bucket. I remember the first soccer practice they went to and they were so nervous to get out of the car because they didn't think that they would have fun or make any friends. And then all of a sudden they saw another girl walking out into the field and quickly they unbuckled and jumped out of the car to go join her.

Speaker 2 2:44

I also think about some of the sad times we shared. Their first pets were hamsters, who they took care of and they loved with their entire hearts. The heartbreak that happened one morning when they went to go check on them. The heartbreak that happened one morning when they went to go check on them and one of them was curled up in its cage and not moving. The tears flowed and we had to hold and rock the girls for what felt like hours. Sad moments like these are hard, but they're also important lessons about the nature of life and they also help reinforce our kids that we will be their rock in both the good times and bad.

Letting Go Wisely

Speaker 2 3:13

Before we knew it, the elementary years gave way to the middle school years and a whole new world of challenges, growth and discovery came to play. Gone were the days of class parties and playgrounds. Now we were navigating locker combinations, changing friendships and emotions that ran deep and fast. When I think about middle school, which I think we can all agree is one of the hardest times of life, some of their friends began to change or moved away. Also, the social dynamics of life are way, way different. In elementary school, everyone was pretty much friends and got along, but once they got to middle school, cliques began to form. I remember them coming home from a youth church group one night, devastated because they found out that most of the girls that attended had gone to a sleepover together, but they had not been invited and from their perspective, they were the only ones who were left out. Helping them grieve these losses and difficult social situations was particularly hard because at the same time this was going on, they were becoming teenagers and starting to pull away from their mom and I and establish their own independence, which was a little bit frustrating and funny, because in a lot of ways they were just as dependent on us for everything, but now they had an attitude about it.

Speaker 2 4:14

And then, to cap off the middle school years, covid hit, and for the spring and summer we all had to quarantine together, which was, in a lot of ways, a mixed bag. It was tough because of the uncertainty of the world. Teaching kids from home exposed my complete lack of knowledge of fractions and other basic school knowledge, and perhaps my personal hygiene may have suffered a little bit. I mean, there may have been a few stretches during that time period where I may or may not have showered, shaved or even changed out of my PJs for a few days in a row. However, there were a lot of sweet moments too during this time frame. We played a lot of family board games together, took our dogs for long walks in the park, rode our bikes together all around the neighborhood and we watched all 40 seasons of Survivor together.

Speaker 2 4:54

Finally came the high school years and I was amazed how much they had grown physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I've also appreciated the number of amazing adults who have poured into their lives. They have one of the best youth pastors I've ever known, help them really dig deep into their faith. They've had coaches push and develop them while at the same time building strong, trusting relationships, and teachers who've gone the extra mile to make sure that they're prepared for life after high school. As I was thinking about all these things, several thoughts came to my mind. As I was thinking about all these things, several thoughts came to my mind. As I was thinking about all of this, several thoughts came into my mind.

Building Your Parenting Community

Speaker 2 5:26

What I've learned in this season is that parenting well doesn't mean holding on tighter. It means letting go wisely. We prepare our kids to launch, but it still hits hard when the launch day actually comes. Don't waste the early years worrying about the end. Lean in love well and stay present. So, after thinking about all of these different events during my kids' time in school with us, I wanted to share some of what I've learned in my parenting journey with you all as well. One it's really important to surround yourself and your kids with good people who you trust. But that kind of support system just doesn't fall into your lap. It takes intention. It takes showing up. I would encourage every parent to intentionally get connected with family friends, plug into a church and go out of your way to introduce yourself to your kids' teachers and coaches. You know, in the short run this might feel like a lot of extra work, but in the long run, these relationships will be essential to your success as a parent and caregiver and, even more so, to your child's ability to navigate the inevitable struggles of growing up. These people will become part of your child's world and they'll also be part of yours.

Speaker 2 6:27

Being a parent is hard, even with help. I honestly can't imagine trying to do it without an ecology of people surrounding us, cheering us on during the winds and holding us up when the wheels fall off. I remember one night when our older girls had soccer practice. At the same time our younger daughter had a tennis match, and they were at two different locations across town. And, to top it all off, my wife, april, was sick in bed with the flu. I was just about to lose it, trying to figure out the logistics when the coach from the one team texted me and said hey, I can grab the twins and bring them to practice. So I was able to go to the tennis match and not stress out and allow my wife to get the rest she needed. No one made me feel guilty or made a big deal about it, but in that moment it really was a big deal and it reminded me that we weren't alone, and I can't tell you how many times that community and family has shown up at games, school events and even just with the simple we're praying for y'all text when times are tough, and I just can't express how much impact that made. So don't wait until you're in a crisis to build your community. Be the kind of friend, teammate and neighbor that just shows up and watch how those relationships wrap around your family in the best possible way, both seen and unseen.

Speaker 2 7:33

Secondly, as a parent or a caregiver, you don't have to be perfect and truthfully, you're not going to be. I know I'm not. You're going to mess up A lot, I know I. The reality is that when you're present and involved in your child's life, mistakes aren't just possible, they're inevitable. That's the nature of human relationships.

Embrace Imperfection in Parenting

Speaker 2 7:51

I've lost my temper more times than I'd like to admit. I've said things that I shouldn't have said and I've given some really awful advice in moments when I was tired or distracted. There have been times when I didn't listen well, I didn't ask the right questions or completely misread what my girls were feeling, and those moments can feel so heavy. They've left me lying awake at night wondering if I'd handled something the wrong way or if I made things worse when I meant to help. But here's what I've learned Perfection was never the point. Showing up and being there was. When you show up consistently, even with all of your flaws, your presence builds a foundation of trust. And when you mess up because you will mess up and you choose to go back you own it, you make it right and you show your kids something far more powerful than perfection. You show them humility, you show them grace and you teach them what a real, meaningful relationship will look like.

Speaker 2 8:37

I remember one night when one of my girls was in middle school. We had a rough day. There was just a lot of tension going on and you know teenage girl attitude, and probably more sarcasm and frustration on my part than was helpful. It all boiled over at bedtime when a small thing turned into a big blow up. Doors may have been closed a little harder than necessary, voices may have been raised and we both went to bed upset. But about 30 minutes later I knocked on her door, sat down at the edge of her bed and said you know I didn't really handle that well, I'm sorry. She looked up at me and said you know I didn't either. And we talked for a while. Nothing major, no magic words. We just reconnected and in that moment I realized that the repair work we do after mistakes might have been more important than avoiding the mistakes in the first place, because, at the end of the day, it's not about being a perfect parent, it's about being a present one.

Celebrating Everyday Moments

Speaker 2 9:23

Learning to learn to grow and just keep showing up, even when it's messy. I also think that it's even more important to celebrate the fun and funny stuff too. Parenting is full of responsibility and weighty moments, but if you don't stop and laugh along the way, you're going to miss the joy woven into the chaos. Some of our most cherished memories aren't from the big milestones. They're from those ordinary days that turned into something special simply because we let ourselves enjoy the moment. I remember one night we were making pancakes for dinner something we do every now and then just to, you know, shake things up. Our youngest wanted to add chocolate chips in the shape of a smiley face, but when we flipped it over on the griddle, the face melted in something that looked more like a swamp creature than a smile. I don't know why, but we laughed so hard we almost cried. The other girls took that as a challenge and before too long we were having a full on pancake art contest in the kitchen, complete with judges, categories and naming each one. The kitchen ended up being a disaster, but in the end is one of the best nights we had all week. So it's not always about the big laugh out loud moments. Sometimes it's just the quiet, silly routines that become sacred the way one of our girls always made up a song to remind herself to feed her dog. Or the dramatic way they always argue over who gets the good blanket on movie night. Or even how we end the day where we go into the rooms and pray. Even on the nights when they're mad at me and we haven't spoken all day, often they'll come out of the rooms and say so, are you going to pray with me, or what? These little moments don't usually get posted on social media or written about in the yearbook, but they really do matter. They build connections of trust and joy. They're the glue in the day-to-day that holds bigger milestones together, so don't rush past them. Laugh at the jokes, even the ones that don't really quite land. Dance in the kitchen. Let your kids see the joy and love that can be found in even the middle of ordinary Tuesday night, with mismatched socks and cold pancakes. That's the kind of home they'll want to come back to.

Graduation: Not the End, Just Evolution

Speaker 2 11:07

You know, parenting is a journey of constant release. We hold their hands when they're small, guide their steps when they stumble, and then, little by little, we start to let go. Letting go, though, doesn't mean that we stop loving them or leading. It just means we trust the foundation that we built. So if you're in the early years of parenting, soak it all up. If you're in the thick of adolescence, stay steady and present. And if you're staring down an empty nest, like we are, know this. It often will hurt, but it hurts because it matters. The ache is the proof of love, and that love will stretch across any distance.

Speaker 2 11:39

So now here we are, getting caps and gowns ready, honor cords, working out scholarships, speeches and diplomas. It just all feels so final, like this is the finish line and in a way it kind of is Like they've reached the finish line and in a way they kind of have. They've ran their race well. They've worked hard, overcome obstacles and grown into incredible young women. But, as any parent knows, this really isn't the end. It's just another change in season.

Speaker 2 12:04

Graduation doesn't mean the end of parenting. It just means that the role shifts again. They still need us, but in new ways. We'll still cheer for them, cry with them and offer advice, whether they want it or not, and pray for them every day. We'll still answer the phone at midnight, show up when it matters and remind them of the values that got them where they are in the first place. So, from kindergarten backpacks to college move-in boxes, we've watched them grow. We've done our best to show up, listen and to guide and to love with open arms. And we'll keep doing that no matter what stage come next, because that's what parenting is it doesn't end, it just evolves. And as we stand here, filled with pride, nostalgia and, you know, a little bit of heartache, there's a truth that sums it all up the days may be very long, but the years are very, very short.

Speaker 1 12:48

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.