Brain Based Parenting
Brain Based Parenting, The Boys Ranch Podcast for families.
We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling.
Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch has to offer.
Contact us: email
podcasts@calfarley.org
To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T
To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/
For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/
Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402
Brain Based Parenting
Brain Builders: Purpose- How Purpose Shapes Young Lives
Helping children discover a sense of purpose gives them direction, motivation, and a connection to something greater than themselves. It boosts mood, energy, and motivation, especially when they contribute meaningfully to their community. Purpose is built through realistic goals, service, and exploration—especially in supportive environments like faith communities. Even structured service can be transformative. Ultimately, giving a child a future is the best way to help them overcome their past.
Contact:
podcasts@calfarley.org
To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T
To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/
For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/
Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402
Welcome to Brain Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, joshua Sprock.
Speaker 2:Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us today as we move through the next part of our model of leadership and service purpose. Today, I'm joined by Michelle Myketter, our Chief Program Officer.
Speaker 3:Hey y'all.
Speaker 2:Suzanne Wright, our Vice President of Training and Intervention. Hello and Mike Wilhelm, our Senior Chaplain.
Speaker 5:Hey Josh.
Speaker 2:As we do each week, let's start off by jumping into our question of the day.
Speaker 5:When you were a little kid, what would you say your dream job was In 1971, I was asked this question by an elementary school teacher, and that was the year the Milwaukee Bucks won the NBA finals Oscar Robertson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and I decided that I wanted to be an NBA basketball player, and I drew a picture of myself in kind of the look like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but I missed my finished height by about a foot, so that was my dream job.
Speaker 3:So 1971 was when I was born. Just to put that in perspective, that's harsh. But when I was in elementary school what I wanted to be was a journalist, I guess at that time I called it a writer. Didn't really know what I wanted to do and so I pursued that when I went to college. When I first went to college and that semester I took journalism and I didn't like people editing my work. So my very first semester of college I changed my major because I didn't want people telling me what to write.
Speaker 4:That doesn't seem to surprise you. I have no comment. Well, when?
Speaker 3:I was a child.
Speaker 4:I thought I would grow up to be a singer a famous singer and I practiced a lot, but that never really came to be.
Speaker 5:Well, you're a famous singer. You sing in Amarillo in a group.
Speaker 4:In a group. I do.
Speaker 2:In a couple of groups.
Speaker 4:In a couple of groups.
Speaker 5:Probably the best alto at the Boys Ranch campus Wow.
Speaker 4:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Chaplain, that's high praise.
Speaker 2:I wanted to be president. Wow, I know I was pretty. I'd try and bullied my friends into not running against me and I'd have fake elections and stuff like that, and just to practice. And, yeah, I was going to be the president.
Speaker 4:It sounds like you were going to be a corrupt politician. No kidding.
Speaker 2:That's what got me. It was a bad scandal. So today we're continuing our series on the model of leadership and service, and we're talking about purpose. So how would you all define purpose?
Speaker 4:I think the first aspect of purpose is determining what do you want to be when you grow up. How could you use your skills and talents and interests to support other people and to support yourself and to have a job or a career that you find fulfilling?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I was something similar to that just along thinking about something bigger than what you are, but using what your skills are, your strengths are, your gifts are to contribute to something bigger than you are.
Speaker 5:Yeah, boy, that's a great question, maybe having a role in life that has some particular importance.
Speaker 2:So what does it look like when a child is having success with purpose?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that's sometimes hard to identify, even for adults, do you feel like? Again, what it makes me think of is feeling connected to a larger sense of something, a larger sense of community or a larger sense of accomplishment or being connected to something bigger than just thinking within your little sphere of concern.
Speaker 4:But was very interested in the Christmas shoebox program and had a really close relationship with one of our previous chaplains and she was so motivated to develop that program and make sure that it was successful and that really became her purpose while she was here and she did a great job with it and it continues today.
Speaker 5:No, I think that's good. I noticed the kids that say connected our horse barn here on campus. It seems like that there's an improvement of mood, more energy, motivation, and it seems like that that spills over into other areas too, don't you think? Once there is a purpose or something to wake up for in the morning and I'm needed to take care of something, so what do you think that's all about having that purpose that keeps a kid on the right track?
Speaker 4:I think it helps you focus, even when I think about what keeps me on the right track knowing that I have a goal to work towards, knowing that the daily tasks that I'm accomplishing serve a purpose, like they fulfill a goal, even though some of those daily tasks may be tedious or things I don't get fulfillment from, or you know I'm not in the mood to enter this paperwork today but it's part of achieving a larger goal and that helps me stay motivated.
Speaker 3:Which to me, goes back again to feeling connected to something else, like when I was thinking about through a kid's perspective how do you know when they're having success in that area and I think it is feeling like you're contributing to something. So you feel like you need to show up or you need to complete something, because you're contributing to something bigger than you and you want to be a part of that accomplishment for the whole you know for the whole of the group, not just for yourself.
Speaker 5:We had a visitor here that stayed with us for a number of months here recently from another country and he was felt so. He just had this sadness about him and despair and I felt very compelled to tell him this and this is what I would tell him regularly. I said your life has meaning and value and I knew he was not getting that message from his world and his internal dialogue. But those are just words from somebody and I would keep giving him those words and I think that was important. But until your life there's something where your life really has some practical purpose in time and space. Those are probably just words and my friend really was needing something in his life that would give him purpose.
Speaker 4:Mike, you touch on another part of purpose, which is the value of giving back to others, right, and so it's helpful for us to have a purpose, but that's enhanced when you give to another person, when you do something, when you meet a need, right, and that's that's kind of enhanced purpose, I think, and we have to look for opportunities to do that. Those don't always, I know on our campus, they don't always present themselves easily, and we as staff members look for ways that our kids can learn the value of giving back to other people, whether that's going to do some volunteer work at an animal rescue shelter or taking kids to work at Habitat for Humanity. There's so many opportunities like that and I think they're important because they help us step outside of ourselves and see that other people have needs and that we have the ability to help serve those people and meet their needs.
Speaker 3:It's so interesting because it's making me think about contributing and then what's the difference between meaning and significance and purpose and all those kind of things? And I think sometimes we confuse accomplishments or achievements with it, and so I was just thinking like talking about, you know, the horse barn or rodeo. My own daughter had some great accomplishments at rodeo, but the biggest purpose she felt was when she was helping round up the cattle at the end, which was not a competition, right, it was just a need that they had and the men that were typically there weren't available and they called on her and that was her biggest like that's. Her favorite photo from rodeo is that one where she's helping round up the cattle, because she felt like she contributed to the whole of the event.
Speaker 5:So Wow, that's great. Yeah, I was thinking about the Habitat for Humanity. Suzanne, you mentioned Habitat for Humanity and it's just really heartwarming. I hope our listeners could just get a picture of this.
Speaker 5:But it's easy to, if you see, say, a teenager, adolescent, who is stuck in some well, maybe some despair and not finding any meaning in life, and so there's lack of motivation and it's easy to start to sell short their capacity to serve and their need for purpose and that they really come to life in those settings. And when we have a staff member that, like our friend William, that is going to take a group of kids to go work Habitat for Humanity site, well, a lot of folks might think, well, they're not going to want to do that, they're going to have to work, they're going to be away from their cell phone or whatever. And they come to life on those trips and word gets out and there's usually a waiting list of kids who want to go. And there's usually a waiting list of kids who want to go because they know that the stakes are high. There's something important, there's a real purpose at hand. There's a refugee family with small dependents that's in need of shelter and they're going and meeting a real need.
Speaker 4:My children were all involved in 4-H and regardless of the 4-H activity, it has a community service component and I think that is so important. So, if it is clothing and textiles, or if it is food and nutrition, each child has to complete a service project individually or as a group. But that's valuable right. It requires that for every, so that, yes, you're learning some valuable skills, but you're also learning how you could help others with those skills.
Speaker 2:So what does it look like when a kid doesn't have a sense of purpose?
Speaker 3:You know this makes me think about. We talk a lot about not having motivation or being unmotivated about things, and how motivation is really when you have hope that something will be better, right, that you can work towards something that you're going to accomplish or you're going to have some success in or it's going to make your life better, and so a lot of times kids haven't experienced much success or reason to believe things are going to be better, and so I think when someone seems to be languishing somewhat kind of at a standstill, I think a big piece of that is not feeling a connection to others, but then also to something bigger than themselves and can only see where they are right in the moment. So again, I think not feeling connected to anything important in your life is what that can look like.
Speaker 5:They don't smile.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah, with rare exceptions. Don't you think that's usually one symptom? Yeah, that they don't smile.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite Cal Farley's quotes is the best way for a child to get rid of their past is to give them a future. Can you all talk about what you think that quote means and how it relates to purpose?
Speaker 3:I think that's huge and I think it goes with what I was just talking about is, a lot of times we get really focused on someone not doing well in school or not wanting to be in school or not wanting to do homework. And if you really focus on what are they interested in, where do they want to be beyond this day in the future, and tie that into what they're doing, you can help motivate them forward instead of being stuck right where they are only being hindered by the past, and so I think sometimes we forget about that to tie into interest and spark of joy that you can look forward to.
Speaker 2:When it comes to helping kids with purpose. How important is it for them to have goals and dreams.
Speaker 4:I think that goals and dreams are important, but if you were to go and survey adults and ask them how many of you are doing the job today that you dreamed about doing as a child? So we have four people here and we're 0 for 4.
Speaker 4:Right, and so I think it's important, but I think it's also important, as adults, for us to support them and know that those things will change. Rarely does an 18-year-old right out of high school know what they will do with their life. Right out of high school know what they will do with their life and sometimes it takes many years and that we want to support them to explore, to look at different options, to try new things, but not necessarily to expect that they would have that concrete, clear purpose in mind as a teenager or even a young adult.
Speaker 2:So if a child is struggling to set goals or their goals are unrealistic, what are some ways to help them set more realistic goals?
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is a tough one. I think again, it goes back to you know we talk a lot about joining to follow, joining and following children.
Speaker 3:I was trying to get all the words in a different order, and the more you try to stop someone from doing something you know, the more difficult it is to get them to come around to where you want them to. And so I do think helping kids take smaller steps is important to show them how you know yes, here's your big goal, but here's all the little things in between, because they're hard to you know. It's hard to figure those things out on your own. And then helping coax them through those smaller steps and keep them focused on that.
Speaker 4:I think, too, it's helpful to lead them to insight about what steps lead to that goal. For example, if a child says you know, I want to play in the NFL, but they are adamant that they don't want to go to college, that's not very common that somebody would be recruited to play in the NFL right out of high school, right. And so you're just leading them to insight about what, realistically, would you have to do, what steps would you have to take in order to reach that goal? And again, I think helping them explore their options helps them narrow and define their goal.
Speaker 5:Well, that's good. I've blown it on this a number of times where I see the importance of this, having goals, this future thinking, having this kind of hope rather than despair that comes out of purpose. But then I've had kids before in little interviews and before small groups, and I used to ask them what do you see yourself doing 10 years from now? I always thought that was a good question to help tease some of this out right. Well, I was having kids that were wowing the group with. Well, I'm going to be a pediatric neurosurgeon and they're barely making C's in high school and they hate school. Okay, so there's a big disconnect there and I felt bad that we were didn't seem like we were communicating very truthfully to these audiences that assume this that's what this kiddo was going to be doing. So, like Michelle said, to help talk about small pieces, what's it going to take to get to this goal? Is this a realistic goal?
Speaker 4:to get to this goal. Is this a realistic goal? And I think, too, that we can't. We can't have too much of our own personal investment riding on a choice that a child makes Like you know when I think about my own personal children like I, can't be so invested in what I want for them that I don't listen to what they want for them.
Speaker 4:And so, as I think about my own children, they've taken different paths to success that weren't exactly linear, and it wasn't exactly what I anticipated. You know, when I looked ahead to think, what about? You know? What would this child choose to do? What kind of work they may be doing? Something that surprises me or not, something that I would have predicted, but they're doing very well in their chosen fields, and so it can't be about what I want for them. It has to be about what they want to do and what they're interested in.
Speaker 2:Mike, I'll start with you on this question and then the rest of you feel free to jump in. How can getting a kid plugged into their community of faith help them gain a sense of purpose?
Speaker 5:Yeah, no thanks for that question, josh. There'd be no greater sense of purpose than coming to the realization that you were created on purpose, for a purpose, that we would belong to one another, that we would belong to one another. To get a kid connected to a faith community is going to be huge as far as them. Finding real meaning purpose in life and you know, I'm trying to think. Paul says we're God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he prepared in advance for us to do. He says elsewhere to will and to act according to his good purposes. So to be in step with becoming who I'm meant to be in my creator's eyes, it's a game changer, isn't it? And sadly, there are just too many people that just are disconnected from that news and that reality and it seems like despair is rampant right now, at this time.
Speaker 2:What about getting them connected with community service activities? How can this help them gain a sense of healthy purpose?
Speaker 3:You know, I was thinking about that when Suzanne was talking about 4-H and having a community service component, and I used to work at a wilderness program and because I was a supervisor, any of the girls that were in trouble would have to come with me on the weekends, and they were supposed to. We called them community service projects too, and it was meant to be as a punishment, but it was always a project that contributed to the rest of the camp. So whatever we did, the rest of the camp would benefit from and acknowledge, and so it kind of even though they didn't intend for it to be enjoyable or rewarding, because I was spending time with them and we completed a project together and the community benefited from it. They really did gain all these positive things inadvertently, instead of it being just a misery, which was, I think, the intention behind it. And so I do think again, being connected to something, being connected to a purpose, being connected to a group of people contributing to your environment in some way, I think super helpful.
Speaker 4:You know, when you think about how a child's brain develops and when you look at those preteen and teenage years, their focus is largely on themselves, and that's normal. That is a typical part of childhood development. And that's normal. That is a typical part of childhood development. And I think providing service to others, some type of community service activity, helps kids step outside their cells and look at the needs of other people, how other people live.
Speaker 4:Sometimes, to be honest, it just helps you count your blessings right when you get to go and you serve other people and you realize that they live differently from you. They have different values and maybe different needs, and maybe their needs aren't met in the same way. Yours are that you develop a sense of appreciation for what you have and what you've been given.
Speaker 5:Now have you noticed this? That there's a little bit of a hazard here that can really cheapen this or miss the real treasure at hand, and that is that community service now is often attached to maybe a special recognition at graduation, things like this, to where there's people that are wanting young people, good young people that are wanting to get, you know, the best shot at a good scholarship. What do I need to do and here's some more things I need to do to pad my application for scholarship, and I see that sometimes takes away again the real treasure of just authentic work that doesn't have any reward attached to it other than just this intrinsic reward of having done it and I know that's being maybe a little hypercritical of something that's still doing good right, but there is that in play right now.
Speaker 4:I do think that's true. And again, michelle said sometimes it's used for punishment right or sometimes it's just a checkbox on an application, but I think that very often, regardless of the intent of the adult, the outcome for the child or young adult is the same right, that there's a blessing tucked in there, regardless of what we as adults intended it for.
Speaker 5:Well, and I like, michelle, what you said earlier about your daughter and what really meant a lot to her of all of her time at the horse barn. It wasn't achievements and performing, it was that time she was needed and the adult world needed her to do an adult thing, and those things bring kids to life, don't they?
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I think our time has come to an end and this podcast has served its purpose for the week. So until next time, remember you might have to loan out your frontal lobes today. Just make sure you remember to get them back.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarleyorg. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Calfarley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.
