Brain Based Parenting
Brain Based Parenting, The Boys Ranch Podcast for families.
We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling.
Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch has to offer.
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Brain Based Parenting
How Routine, and Clear Expectations, Turn Chores Into Life Skills
What if chores weren’t a battle but a doorway to belonging, responsibility, and real-world readiness? We sat down with residential care pros and veteran house parents to talk about turning “do your chores” into a family culture where kids feel valued, learn practical skills, and discover that contribution is part of who they are. From toddlers placing napkins to teens owning laundry and kitchen resets, we map a simple path that trades power struggles for predictable routines and steady growth.
We break down the pillars that make chores stick: clear expectations, visible routines, and side-by-side coaching that shows kids how, not just what. You’ll hear why rotating tasks matters for skill building, how to keep standards specific without nitpicking, and what to say when motivation tanks. We cover flexible structure for busy sports seasons, tying privileges to responsibilities without threats, and using natural consequences—like no clean clothes if laundry isn’t done—to teach without becoming the bad cop. Along the way, we share stories from group homes and family life, including the moment consistency finally stopped the “stall so they’ll do it” cycle.
If you’re starting late, we’ve got you: host a family meeting, own past inconsistency, and start small with two or three priorities everyone can see and do. The goal isn’t perfect bedsheets—it’s growing self-efficacy, time management, and pride in a job done right. Those habits translate directly to first jobs, college living, and healthy relationships where people carry their weight. Practical, compassionate, and grounded in real experience, this conversation gives you scripts, systems, and mindset shifts to make chores work long term—without sacrificing the relationship that matters most.
If this helped, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review so more families can find brain-wise tools that actually work.
Contact:
podcasts@calfarley.org
To Donate:
https://secure.calfarley.org/site/Donation2?3358.donation=form1&df_id=3358&mfc_pref=T
To Apply:
https://apply.workable.com/cal-farleys-boys-ranch/j/25E1226091/
For More Information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch:
https://www.calfarley.org/
Music:
"Shine" -Newsboys
CCS License No. 9402
Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.
SPEAKER_01:Hello and welcome. Today we're going to talk about one of the constant parenting struggles, getting your kids to do their chores.
SPEAKER_02:To do that today, I'm joined by Sam Cernan, Assistant Administrator of Residential Communities.
SPEAKER_04:Tracy Griffin, House Parent. Julia Ortega, direct care staff trainer.
SPEAKER_01:All right, let's start off with our question of the day. Since we're talking about chores, do y'all have a favorite household chore?
SPEAKER_02:I do. I like throwing the trash. I don't know why. I I it's some kind of I don't know for it's for one, it's always been a thing dad does. You know, I was always the biggest and strongest in the house. And well, we wait till the last minute to throw our trash, so I'm the one who can carry it. So I don't know, it's something about you know getting it out. You know, you see the thing get full, it's a thing you know it needs done. Do it three times a week. I love doing it. And you get out of the house too.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I like that's the part I like about that.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I like gathering the trash, all the little baskets and putting them in a big bag, and then Mr. Griffin can carry out the big bag. I like to vacuum.
SPEAKER_04:I love seeing the lines in the carpet whenever you vacuum.
SPEAKER_03:I miss doing that.
SPEAKER_01:I would say my favorite one is kind of a weird one, I guess, but I really like to clean the bathroom. When I was a little kid, that was my that was always my chore I could do before I could watch Saturday morning cartoons, so maybe there's something with that, but that's my favorite thing is to to clean the bathroom. All right, so why are chores so important for kids beyond just helping around the house? And what do they teach about responsibility, competence, and contribution?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I mean, it they it's something you do every day. Uh one guy you were talking about making your bed when you every day, and there's a uh speaker who talks about make your bed every day. At least when you come home and everything didn't go well, you come home and your bed's made, you know. So it's it it teaches you routine, it teaches you a little bit of how to put things maintained.
SPEAKER_05:I think chores give kids a feeling of being valued and not seen as a burden, you know, be a fountain, not a drain. And so they get to add to the family and and to the value of the family as a whole.
SPEAKER_04:I think value and just like learning how to take care of your space. When your space is organized and clean and put together, you feel better. When you're not in a clean and organized space, that can bring you down. So I I think it's important to teach them the importance of in a well-organized and clean space. It affects how we feel. Yeah, I agree with that.
SPEAKER_01:So, how does structure and routine make chores more effective and less of a daily battle for families?
SPEAKER_02:Well, when it's something's built in, right, it's just automatic, right? You this is what you do. If it's done at the same time or it's the same thing, it's not a it's not a surprise, right? Everybody knows, everybody knows what they're doing. You know, we used to assign our kids easy things like unloading a dishwasher. It's not it's not that hard. It's not obviously we help with the big stuff, the the high stuff, but they could reach the little stuff at the bottom and help us put away the bowls. And one is they know where everything goes, everything is, and then the two, they you know, they get to be part of it and we get to help. I do think it's just useful if it's part of the routine, we don't it's not a question about what when when to do it, for example.
SPEAKER_05:Well, because everyone knows what's expected of them. Like Sam said, there's no surprise.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I think it's important, like Sam said, that it's just part of the culture of your family and it's what you do to to be a part of the family. It's it's how you take care of each other and how you take care of your space. And it's just when you grow up expecting that, it's a lot easier, even though you might go through challenging times.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you have a lot less power struggles that way too. I mean, because you know, if you surprise somebody and say, Hey, I need you to come through this trash, and they're in the middle of something, they're they're a lot less happy to do something like that. Like for me, I know I know a day trash goes out. So for me, uh it's not a nobody has to ask me to do it. Like I know I know Monday, Wednesday, Friday, every day I'm gonna I'm gonna gather and then as needed, right? So one of the things about you know, my chore even now, but that's been my chore since even before I was a dad, right? But uh, but nobody ever had to worry about who's gonna take care of the trash, right? But when you ask your kid to do it, like, well, don't you usually do it? Like, well, yeah, you know what I mean? But well, here's what I like about the the power struggle thing is so if if maintaining home or doing your chore is part of expectation, and you know, one of the things we do here is like we we rotate chores with the kids, you know. Some people maybe can't do that or doesn't make sense, but it makes sense because then they get a lot, they get a wider kind of variety of of skill sets. You know, vacuuming takes a whole different skill set than sweeping and mopping, right? It's a way different skill sets, you know. So the way I the way I see it is when I ask for somebody to do something, there's no question about that they know how to do it or not, right? So, hey, can you help me with can you just sweep this little corner right here? Because we drop whatever and oh yeah, I'll take care of that. You know, they know how to do it, so you don't have to take the time to teach because you already taught it.
SPEAKER_04:I think too, like it's important that you aren't stuck with the same chore all the time because if you're on a chore you don't like, then it's gonna be a struggle to keep doing that chore. So even with our own kids, we changed chores out. I would rather do every chore in the house than unload the dishwasher. And so I would not want to be stuck on the dishwasher all the time.
SPEAKER_02:I remember when I first started here, you know, they we had a bunch, you know, the kids all had I I remember and I ever even to this day when I do laundry, I remember a statement this young man said, He says, Laundry is a never-ending chore, like it never ends. Like you every because he they had to sort it for everybody in the house and things. That was their job, and he absolutely hated this chore. And he's on it for a month, right? And that's what he told me. Sir, laundry is a never-ending chore, right? And then when I'm doing laundry every Sunday, I'm like, hey, this is the never-ending chore. He's right. This never this thing never stops.
SPEAKER_01:At what age should parents start giving kids chores and what kind of tasks are appropriate for younger kids?
SPEAKER_05:Well, I think that small tasks at a young age can build your esteem and make you feel a part of it. Can you throw this away for mommy or can you bring that to dad? They feel important and they feel helpful.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, well, I think because you're building it at a time where they want to be with you all the time. And I I think that's that's a beautiful thing, right? And so, yeah, for toddlers, they they can't do a lot, but they can pick up their toys, right? Can you help me? It's pick up time. My grandsons, when they live with us, they uh they would come on, I would tell them like cleanup or something, and they start singing a song, right? There's a little cleanup song. And they're like, Is there a song to this? I they should have taught me that when I was young. I would have I would have liked chores more, maybe. I don't know. But it is it's you do it age appropriate, right? Little toddlers can't do much, but I think as they get older, you maybe uh increase increase their load a little bit, you know, with time and practice.
SPEAKER_04:I can always remember having to just put the forks by the plates, you know, on the table. We didn't carry the plates because they were heavy or breakable, but we would like put a napkin at each place, and then we go around and put a fork at each place, and then go around and put a spoon. And so, yeah, as soon as we were able to do that, we started doing things like that.
SPEAKER_02:You gotta just cause your kids is a certain age doesn't mean that's the the job they need to do. So don't use what anybody said as a measuring stick. Know what your kids' abilities are, right? Because some kids are at a different place than other kids. So, you know, if your kiddo can't do a certain thing, maybe that's not the job for them yet, right? Do they do something? Because I think that if they feel like it's maybe not too burdensome, although it takes time to do it, if if it's something they can do well, well, they're getting a win, right? And they're getting a a happy response from their their parent. Yeah, just remember your kids in a different place than other kids, and not every kid's gonna be there.
SPEAKER_01:I think one of the mistakes I made when my kids were little was that a lot of times they would want to help and they would do a good job helping, but they were kind of slow at doing it. And so I would kind of get frustrated and take over and thinking I was helping, but in the long run, what it ended up doing was I think they became more and more dependent on me to do it, and then I think they would drag their feet on purpose, and before too long, I was doing all the chores. So even though sometimes I think it might be a little slower and a little harder, in the long run, it's gonna be actually better if you if you let them work through it and and do it themselves.
SPEAKER_04:I think we also have to be careful of our own expectation. I grew up in a very structured military home. My dad was in the military, and so things were super structured. We have to make sure that we're not putting too much pressure on our kids. Like that table may not be set exactly the way we would do it, but it's set, or that bed might not be made exactly the way I would make it, but they made their bed or they made an effort, and it's a it's a process, right? It's a process to teach them to get them to do it how you ultimately want them to do it. So I think sometimes we have to have grace and be willing to accept that it's not done exactly the way we would do it.
SPEAKER_01:So, how can parents introduce chores to little kids in a way that builds confidence and cooperation rather than resistance?
SPEAKER_05:I think you should work beside them, show them what you what you're expecting and help them. It doesn't hurt to help them, especially if you have a higher expectation than they have knowledge and then to always praise them. Just praise them for the effort.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I I think it's just like anything else. Anytime somebody gets a new job or a new task, they gotta be shown how to do it first, right? If you you said it, right? If you have an expectation of how you want something done, well you gotta show them exactly how to do it step by step, do it with them, and again, with their ability. I think the younger you start, the better, right? Little little chores, and then chores just become a part of the what we do and then we help each other. And then tell them tell them the reason for it, right? You know, like I don't like just being told to do things. I I you know I'd prefer that somebody say, Hey, we gotta do this, and here's why. Oh, kids are the same thing, you know. You know, adults have this fallacy that kids just do what you say, that's not really not really true, and our expectation of that's false. But but I do think that if we tell them why, okay, here's why, here's why you have to make your bed. Of course, I said crazy things like, hey, wait, you don't want spiders in there. I'm just maybe don't do that. I'm doing no, you don't spiders in the crawl in there if you don't make it. You gotta seal it tight. You know, not wrong. Well, I'm not not really wrong. I didn't actually say that, guys. I'm just playing. But yeah, you give them the reason why, you know, because then it gets like if you don't throw the trash, the house gets smelly, right? So we gotta make sure that's out. Or if you don't pick up this stuff on the floor, then we step on it and it hurts our feet, things like that. I think along with price, too, it's important to say thank you.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So, how should chore expectations change as kids grow up, especially during the transition from like the elementary into the teenage years? I was actually thinking about this one with my own daughters. They were involved in quite a few activities in high school. And in elementary school, we had a great structure and routine when it came to chores, but when it came to being gone for basketball games, track meets, FFA competitions, all those things, the structure crumbled really quickly, and it was kind of hard to maintain that. So, what are some strategies you would recommend for families that maybe have a lot a busy lifestyle like that?
SPEAKER_02:Their ages really matter in in what how you frame things, right? So little kids need a lot of reminders, they need it, they need a whole lot of hand holding, like even though you're if you taught them and everything, they might, you know, they're gonna not remember things, they just don't have a good long-term memory. But as they get older, right, instead of, hey, can you help me? Like, hey, this one's yours, like this is your thing, right? So, like, well, I think at one point for my family, the the third the trash became my job. That's why I love it, you know. Like that was the thing I did in the house. Uh well at one point I was the man of the house. You know, my mom, my mom was single, so I'm the guy who threw the trash, and I was the oldest, so that's kind of my thing. So I own it, right? That's mine. No one else has the expectation. That's Sam's job, it's gonna get done, right? So I think you shift the mindset. Also, as they're getting older, you're you're you're teaching them life skills. Maybe some of those chores gotta match things they're about to go do on their own. If they're gonna go to college, they better know how to do laundry, right? They hopefully they at least to start a machine or to maybe take care of small dishes that they're gonna have and things like that. So you're preparing them to go off on their own. And so those chores should change with their age.
SPEAKER_04:Another thing I tried to do, especially as a house parent, but I did it with my own kids too, is I tried to use that as a time to get them to start learning how to ask for help.
SPEAKER_01:That's good.
SPEAKER_04:If you're not gonna be here, ask somebody if you can trade for a time when you are gonna be here. So yeah, we just kind of use that opportunity as a time to start learning how to ask for help. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Growing from a kid to a teenager, it's it's tough on emotions and the body and everything. So you have to do the share the grace with them and you know, let me help you by I can help you with this part, and then you can finish this later when you get back home. Just recognizing all the changes emotionally, there's gonna be some anger with that and maybe some tears because they don't know what becoming an adult is like. They weren't born knowing how to do chores.
SPEAKER_01:And what we ended up doing with the busy schedules is we ended up having to really figure out our schedule and find the holes in our schedule when there was time for them to do chores. And it wasn't gonna be the same time every day or every week. Having that written down ahead of time, I think, was what kind of helped us. So it wasn't as structured as it was when they were little, but it was still finding the way to put structure in made it where it was a little bit easier to get some of that stuff done. We weren't always perfect with it. There's lots of weeks when things fell through, but that's kind of what helped us. Yeah. So, what role does consistency play in helping kids take ownership of chores even when they don't feel motivated?
SPEAKER_05:I think that when there's no motivation, it's a good time to just take a break. Just have a conversation, see what they're feeling, don't nag, don't harp on things all the time. Don't make the chore more important than the relationship. Just get to know your kid, know what they're feeling, just be vulnerable and let them see that some days you don't feel like doing chores either.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, sometimes life just happens, right? And you don't get it done. We're all entitled to have a bad day. And our kids are gonna have bad days too. So we have to kind of go with the flow.
SPEAKER_02:Well, yeah, and you know, it's kind of like what you said, Josh, earlier. You know, when they when they figured out that you're gonna do it, that you changed, right? You changed, you weren't con it wasn't consistent. So when you're consistent, that means the expectation doesn't really change. Like y'all said, I think special circumstances and things like that are bad day, or something happens, or uh well, that's all understandable stuff, but the expectation's still there. It's got hey, it's gotta it's gotta get done. And consistency can create accountability without having conflict, because that's hey, that that didn't change, right? That that's the way it's supposed to be done, or whatever the standard is, get that done. Also, they that and that prevents them from testing boundaries, right? Because when when they figure out, oh well, he's just gonna do it anyway. Once they figure that out, you there's you're gonna get into an unwinnable situation. So if we're consistent, then they just the expectation never changes. And that just easier for it's easier for them.
SPEAKER_01:I like talking to kids about how they're part of a family, and yeah, you're not always gonna feel motivated to do it, but we're a team and the team has to everyone has to do their part. You have your your duty to help keep keep the boat afloat. There's lots of things in life when I'm not super motivated to do things, but I know it's part of my responsibility, my duty, and sometimes you have to soldier through it in those in those times, and those are good learning teachable moments for the kids.
SPEAKER_02:They are, you know, and in really in adulthood, other people are depending on you. Well, I mean, if you're single, maybe, but you know, once once you're not single anymore, you get kids, there's other people depending on you. And that's kind of an example to set for the kids. Like, hey, uh there's tons of times I don't feel like going to work today. If I don't go to work, I don't get paid, right? So, and there's consequences to that. And so that's part of the thing, yeah. Even though like if I have a bad day or what, I don't matter. I still gotta there's things I still have to do every day, regardless. And we we don't consider like there's things we do every day, we don't consider them chores anymore, they're just what you do, you know. And so as an adult, yeah, I gotta cook dinner tonight. One of us is cooking, like we haven't pre-planned who's doing it, but one of us is gonna do it tonight, right? And it's gonna get done. And we know the funny thing is we're not gonna be mad about it, we're not gonna we just we know, like that's just something that has to be done. So it's I don't consider that a chore, so maybe that's something to look at, right? If you build this consistency in your life, it's not a chore, it's just what you do now. It's just part of the day. You're not springing it on them, right?
SPEAKER_01:So, how do natural and logical consequences help reinforce responsibility when chores aren't done?
SPEAKER_02:You don't need a if if a natural consequence just means I don't have to do anything about it, like it maybe just console somebody. Because I'll make an example, right? If if if you if if an expectation of a child is they take care of their laundry, now let's say it's a teenager, right? Their expectation is they gotta wash their clothes, this is your laundry day, or whatever it is, however you have it set up. And they don't do that, and they don't have clothes to wear. Well, the expectation is you're going to school, man. Like, I don't know, or they go throw on something dirty, or however they decide to figure this thing out. Well, there's gonna be a consequence to that, right? And teenagers aren't known to be the most nice people on the planet, right? And so they're gonna let each other know feedback, and that's just natural, right? Hey, your shirt smells today, or they get made fun of. All right, well, dad's gonna come, yeah, I might go do a little load real quick or something, or go get them a shirt, but because I'm not gonna let my kids suffer too much. But there is a natural consequence that happens in that example, right?
SPEAKER_01:I know with our girls' expectation was, especially when they're in middle school and high school, that if they wanted their phone in the morning, we hit they had that at night. Yeah, that they didn't get it until their room was clean and their beds were made. So just having that expectation that if you want this, then you have to take care of your part too. And after a while, it kind of like what you said, Sam, it's not just they do it because it's the natural what they do.
SPEAKER_02:You know, the other beauty of natural consequences really is well, I'm not the bad guy. You know, I who didn't do it, and like who didn't take care of it? Now, if it only affects them, that's wonderful. But if it affects the rest of us, you know, hey, brothers and sisters might not be happy that there ain't no clean forks, right? You know, or whatever, right? Hey, what happened? Why don't you do your stuff? You know, when we run the group home, somebody didn't do their job, you know, somebody's mad about it. Yeah, because person B could not that could not mop until sweeping was done and they want to go do stuff. I'm the last one in line. Everybody's shaking their heads because we're all house parents. Everybody's shaking their heads, because yeah, hey, I need a mop. Get your sweeping done, right? And so it caused a little conflict.
SPEAKER_04:Well, even in uh in your own family, that can happen. Like I shared a room with two sisters, and so on Saturday morning we had to do all of our deep cleaning. Yeah, and so none of us could do anything until all of us had our stuff done. And so that's just we knew we had to get up and do all of our deep cleaning, and everybody had to have it done where we could go play or go do anything else that we wanted to do. So we had to take our responsibilities first.
SPEAKER_01:So I mentioned mine, but what are some other common mistakes parents make when enforcing chur is that actually undermine follow-through?
SPEAKER_02:And not setting clear expectations. You know, if you if it's not clear what you need, you're gonna get you're gonna get maybe what you ask for. It reminds me of the the when you wish for a genie, be real sp be real specific. Right. You know, but uh yeah, you gotta be real specific about what it is you want because you're gonna get what you ask for. You might get some trash thrown, but not in the manner in which you need it done. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_05:I think a huge mistake that we make is using threats.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. And that's that's never gonna that's just a power struggle. You don't want to get him get going, or you say, never mind, I'll just do it myself. I'd rather do it myself than sit and watch you do nothing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yep. And then you created a monster. So don't don't do that.
SPEAKER_02:I too well, there's uh the opposite extremes is nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging, right? Sometimes you gotta just give the director move on and get out of their space and let them think through it and let them and hopefully it gets done. But then you gotta do something about it, right? If it doesn't. Now, the other side of it is uh backing down when you're when you get pushback. Hey, you if you if you back down, that goes back to what we said before, then you're not consistent, right? Hey, this is the expectation. We all do something here today. This is yours, you know, and then go from there. And if they if they don't do it, either you let a natural consequence happen about it, or you can make a consequence that makes sense about it. Maybe they don't get something like you know, right? My daughter had the hardest time cleaning her room. It didn't matter how much or what I did. Finally, you know, I had you know, I had this capability on her phone that I could just push this button on my website and it would put into grounded mode.
SPEAKER_01:That sounds like a magical button.
SPEAKER_02:And then the only person she could contact was her family. And so I'm like, hey, listen, if this don't get I'm gonna push the button. And she knew what I was talking about. So at that point, I had a little more leverage. When she was little, it was a lot harder. Um for some reason that kid old, she had a hard time. We had to do it with her literally. I mean, she never really grew out of that phase. I don't know how that happened.
SPEAKER_04:I think some some we've already talked about these things, but I think just being consistent is one of the most important keys because if if you don't have a scheduled time or a routine, then probably any interaction about chores is going to be undermining what the outcome that you want. So I think it's important that we have very clear expectations and that we're consistent with them.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's good to be clear with your your significant other as well. I know when we first started house parenting, the kids kind of figured out I was the pushover. I was the easy. So they would always come up to me to ask to get their chores checked because I was the easy one. And that I started to realize I was working a lot harder than my wife because they would never go to her to get the chores checked because she would find four or five extra things for them to look at. And so I'm like, man, maybe I do have to be to so we got on we had some communication, got on the same page, and once we did that, then I wasn't working quite as hard because they were like, Oh man, Mr. Sprock's not nice anymore. But it it it was better though in the long run. So, how should parents respond to power struggles, excuses, or outright refusal, especially when it's teenagers?
SPEAKER_02:All right, so right, that's an emotional thing, man. And teenagers are so hard.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What you know, stay calm, you know, remember, you know, try to figure out where they're coming from. Well, my expectation doesn't change. You know what I mean? Hey, I understand that right now you're real tired. Okay, so it needs to get done. Do you need a break? Do you need do you want to do it here or there? I mean, what what can we work out here? Because that's how they're gonna learn to compromise, right? They they gotta learn that they hey, yeah, you may be tired, but that doesn't mean our expectations change in life. We have to know that's part of growing up for teens.
SPEAKER_05:And you for sure you just have to be patient and sometimes just give them time to think about it and give them the power to decide when they're gonna do it. It's not if you're gonna do it, but when you're gonna do it. So, like Sam said, take a break, get yourself pulled together, and then get on that chore.
SPEAKER_02:You know, most of the time it's not about us, you know, you know, and especially teens, they go through such an emotional time in their life and there's things going on and they're not gonna tell you about it, whatever it is, right? So one of the things we talk about all the time is just being curious. If that's abnormal for one, like if it if the kid generally does their stuff and today they're not doing it, hey, that that's a big red flag. Like, hey, something's wrong. But if it's just other stuff, like like maybe you did an inch of maybe you just dropped it on them and they're like, I'm not doing that. You know, like you know what I mean? Like that's why we're talking about uh the earlier you stop front loading or whatever. But I think the important thing is just to have a have a discussion, you know, but even before you implement the chore, or maybe you're just gonna get started with doing chores in your family. You're starting with a household of kids who you've never given chores to you. Okay, well, we got to talk about it. Hey, I'm really tired. I come home from work. I need to I need some help with a couple of things, you know, this will help, you know, and and get get their buy-in. What are you guys willing to help with around here that help me out? Here's some options I have that I could use help. You can't do these things because you don't have you're not old enough or whatever, but these are some things I need help with. Can somebody sign up or can we, you know, how can we get them engaged into it? But flat our or flat-hour refusal has to have some kind of response, right? And so that could be a loss of privilege or well, yeah, sure, you can you can play on your video games when that's done. Or you don't have your phone until that's done, or whatever that is.
SPEAKER_04:I think family meetings are a great opportunity to talk about a chore plan. Also, I remember during one of our early house parenting days, Christmases, we were trying to get the kids during Christmas break to do their chores, and it was a struggle. And one of the kids said, This is our Christmas break. We're on vacation. And I said, Well, we're not on vacation from chores. We still have to clean dishes, we still have to do laundry, we still have to take trash out.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. Did you notice you ate today? Oh, yeah. I'm not on a vacation, did you notice? You don't get a vacation from chores.
SPEAKER_01:I also think that if you haven't been enforcing chores, if you're just starting like in their teenage years, that you probably should be prepared for some pushback because they're not used to it and they don't like it. And there's gonna be a temptation probably to cave and just do it for them. But I would I would suggest even though you're gonna get pushback, stick with it and you know, ride the wave. And at some point they will cooperate. So don't give up just because you're you're getting pushback. That's normal and natural.
SPEAKER_02:It is my mom implemented at one time the this word, these this two words I never heard before spring cleaning. What is that? Like, what what do you mean? And she and I'm I'm serious, and I'm the good kid, y'all. And I and I'm like, what do you mean I gotta clean my windows? Like, what is this spring cleaning we're doing? Like she sprung it on us on spring cleaning, right? Yeah, and so I remember being so agitated. Like I had plans today. Like I had basketball to play on my buddies, I had some video gaming thing we're gonna do. Like, we had plans, and mom just introduces spring cleaning. And I always speak highly of my mother on this podcast, so this is not a uh this is not that, but I'm saying that was highly irritating. Like, I'm like, and and now I'm doing something on a Saturday I don't want to be doing, like you know, and I what in the world is this? And we cleaned the heck out of that house. And my mom generally did all the cleaning for us, and I guess it this is me being an adult now, looking back, I never asked her. I imagine, right, is like, hey, these guys are old enough to pull their weight around here. But then she just dropped it on two teenage boys, and we're like, now listen, we weren't gonna rebel on mom, we did it, but we were so agitated, me and my brother. You know, we're so mad.
SPEAKER_01:So that kind of leads to this question. If if parents have never acquired chores before, how can they start now without overwhelming themselves or the kids?
SPEAKER_05:It's time just make a pact as a family. Let's just do better for ourselves. We deserve a clean home. We deserve to have our space look nice. We deserve our clothes to be fresh and clean.
SPEAKER_04:I like that framing. Yeah, I think it's important to start with conversations, not just a directive, not a spring cleaning.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah, no, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I mean, it's like we said before, you know, just expect expect a little resistance. People do not generally like change, and this is one of those things, and it requires it it requires labor that's unpaid, which you'll get that argument too. Well, you don't pay me to do it. Don't expect perfection, teach, take your time, set the expectations. I love the idea that you're saying about family meetings. Hey, let's all talk about it. Like, hey, this is I need something or I need help. Whatever it is that we need to do. There's gotta be a point where kids understand, hey, community works together to get get it done because they're one day gonna grow up and know this stuff too, right? They're gonna need that same thing from their kids or their family.
SPEAKER_01:Might be important to acknowledge too. I messed up, right? Yeah. I probably should have had you working on chores earlier, but I realize I made a mistake and we're gonna try and fix that now. And I'm not doing this to like punish you, but this is actually kind of like you said, Sam, to help you for for adulthood. And had that that family meeting, I think is a great time to have those conversations. So, how do chores contribute to preparing kids for adulthood, independence, and real world expectations?
SPEAKER_02:So many ways, right? I mean, time management, responsibility, I mean, you name it. I mean, there's no chore that doesn't really go into something you're gonna do later. Thank I'm glad my mom taught me to sweep a mop. So, one of my one of my first jobs was being a waiter. You know what I thought I was gonna do? I thought I was just gonna bring people food. You know what I found out I had to do? I had to clean bathrooms and sweep floors and mop floors. And I knew how to do it. That got me just ahead of the job. She just the lady just came in. I remember the I still remember my first day at work ever. She took me to the bathroom and told me her expectation. I knew how to do it already. But now I just now I have the basic framework. All I gotta do now is just do what she needs me to do. Make sure this is done every day. And this was and she told me every day when you come in, this is the first thing you're gonna do. You're gonna walk in here and clean this bathroom, and this is how I need it done. Yes, ma'am. And then you're gonna bring this stuff from the stock room, bring it in here. Yes, ma'am. So I was good at all those things before I even started working. And I didn't even know like, thanks, mom. Right? Thanks, mom, thanks for the screen cleaning, mom.
SPEAKER_04:I used to tell my boys that someday they were gonna have a roommate or a spouse that appreciated them knowing how to cook and clean and iron.
SPEAKER_01:Yep, that is. I remember when I was in college, I was a manager at McDonald's, and I could always tell, kind of like what you said, Sam, I could always tell the people, the the kids who'd come to work at McDonald's who had chores at home and who didn't. And the ones that would come in and work hard and they got noticed and they got appreciated and they moved up in McDonald's esteem. But the other ones they would struggle oftentimes and they wouldn't work for very long. And I mean, you could you could definitely tell.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and when it when a kid takes a sense of pride in their even their chore at home, although maybe to them it's so basic or it's so routine that it's not a big deal for them and they do it well, what you know, that teaches them some market. They come into the workplace more prepared than others because they know what doing a job, doing it well, and doing it fully looks like and feels like, right? And then they can hopefully receive that same praise from from their employer. I remember something I uh some something that translated to me also was like cleaning, organizing things was just a thing I like to do. So I do it at home. My home, my home, my stuff was very organized. And you know, part cleaning my room was part of my everyday. You know, mom she did have to tell me to, but but once I got to do it, I I got good at it, and she she's taught me how to organize. And so when I got to the stock rooms, I could organize them. So I guess what the bosses would do, like these stock rooms would get all messed up and they're Sam, you're good at doing that, get back there. And so it was like a thing of value for me. And it got me off the registers for a while, which I really loved. Because then I just in the back all by myself stocking things, you know. But like there's something good about somebody noticing that you did a good job, you know, and that they don't gotta be on you about it. They just know if I ask Sam to do that, it's gonna get done. And I love that, you know, and that's good for your kids to feel that.
SPEAKER_05:The world has ri expectations for the workers and for you. And you just have to be responsible for what you know. And so your children aren't gonna know things unless you are responsible enough to teach them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we're setting kids up for success when we are. So if you could give parents just one practical piece of advice to make chores work long term in their home, what would that be?
SPEAKER_05:I said don't I say don't use chores to make kids feel punished. Yeah. Use chores as an opportunity to be a part of the family. And as parents, we all do our part. You don't sit and watch your kids clean your house. You help your kids clean the home.
SPEAKER_01:That was gonna be my piece of advice too. Yeah. Everybody should have a chore. It's not me standing over you like a prison guard. I'm I got my chore right alongside you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I remember when I was a house parent, I had young I had younger kids. My my job was the refrigerator, right? Because well, part of it was licensing stuff. I had to, you know, make sure there's no expired things in there. So, hey, that's the easy I mean, they could see me doing that. I'm tearing apart the refrigerator every Saturday and wiping it down and the freezers and and of course throwing the trash was Mr. Cerna's job. And so they saw that I'm also part of it, and I think that that does help them like because we're trying to make them feel like it's a community thing, right? Not just your job, and then just you, and that's it. Like somebody said, sit back and watch them do the chore. That's that that's not what we're talking about. But here's my advice and pick a few expectations, enforce them consistently, and don't overcomplicate it. Yeah, that's good. Consistency beats perfection every time.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I agree with the consistency and also that you need to let your kids have a say, have buy-in. They need buy-in to do chores. So have conversations with them. Come up with a chore plan during family meeting.
SPEAKER_01:Well, something that should not be a chore is subscribing to this podcast and giving us a five-star review. Until next time, remember you might have to loan out your cortex today. Just make sure you remember and get it back.
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