Teaching Kids Spiritual Disciplines: Reading the Bible and Prayer

If your family’s Bible time feels like a chore chart and prayer feels like a performance, you’re not alone and you’re not stuck. We sit down with our Boys Ranch ministry team to get brutally practical about spiritual disciplines for kids and how to teach them without turning faith into pressure.We discuss: spiritual disciplines are practices that shape a real relationship with God, not hoops that earn love.

We walk through what age-appropriate family Bible reading can look like from pre-K to high school. For little ones, we talk picture Bibles, story-driven rhythms like Advent, and making a child’s first Bible a big deal. For elementary and middle school, we lean into narratives and curiosity with two prompts that change everything: “I notice” and “I wonder.” For teens, we name the temptation to chase “relevance” and instead encourage you to stay the course, let the Bible be central, and create a safe place for real questions.

Then we shift to teaching children to pray. We break down healthy, real prayer as a conversation with God, including listening, not just talking. We share easy frameworks like the Taco Prayer acronym (Thanksgiving, Adoration, Confession, Others, Self) and a simple three-part prayer any family can use. Along the way, we tackle common misconceptions like treating God as a genie, assuming silence means God is absent, and trying to force consistency through guilt instead of grace.

If you want practical Christian parenting tools for faith formation that actually work on busy days, press play. Subscribe, share this with a parent who needs it, and leave us a review so more families can find the show.

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Transcript

Welcome And Favorite Bible Books

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Brain-Based Parenting, the Boys Ranch podcast for families. We all know how hard being a parent is, and sometimes it feels like there are no good answers to the difficult questions families have when their kids are struggling. Our goal each week will be to try and answer some of those tough questions, utilizing the knowledge, experience, and professional training Cal Farley's Boys Ranch has to offer. Now here is your host, Cal Farley's Staff Development Coordinator, Joshua Sprock.

SPEAKER_05 0:30

Hello and welcome. Today we're going to start a series on how to teach our kids the spiritual disciplines. To do that, today I'm joined by Austin Garmin, and I am the music director here at Cal Farley's.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

I'm Marlene New.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

I'm the director of Christian Education. Kate Duke, I'm the chapel coordinator.

SPEAKER_05 0:44

All right, let's kick off with our question of the day. So, since we're talking about the spiritual disciplines, what is your favorite book of the Bible and why?

SPEAKER_06 0:51

I would have to say I honestly don't have a favorite book of the Bible, but I do have passages in the Bible that really stand out to me and that I cling to. So one would be in Romans chapter 12, verse 9, about the marks of Christianity, but honestly don't have one that just stands out to me or one that I've clung to.

SPEAKER_04 1:07

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Ruth, just because it shows God using an unexpected person in a way that glorifies him and unexpected circumstances in ways that bring his name glory and serve his purposes.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

And I right now think probably Luke, because I've been reading about Martha and Mary at this point in my life, and that's been a good lesson for me to read about. And I feel kind of like Austin. I have different favorite parts, and sometimes just depending on what it is I'm reading is my favorite part at the moment because it speaks to what I need to be hearing.

SPEAKER_05 1:43

When I was a kid, my favorite was like Joshua and Judges, because that's where all the you know battles and excitement was. But now I like the book of James. James is my favorite book. I just feel like it sums up so much, really ties a lot of things together.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

And Proverbs was another one at one point in my life. I really relied on Proverbs a lot when I was younger.

What Spiritual Disciplines Really Are

SPEAKER_05 2:01

All right. To start off, what are the spiritual disciplines and why is it so important to teach them to our kids?

SPEAKER_04 2:06

When I think of spiritual disciplines, it's pretty basic, just prayer, reading the word, worship, but then I think it's even more that we don't necessarily think of right away, like rest, fellowship, fasting, things like that.

SPEAKER_06 2:20

I think you're spot on, Marley. And to add to that, I think spiritual disciplines are practices that we can use to train our bodies, our souls, our minds to grow closer to Christ. And I think hopefully in practicing those things that almost become natural to us. Not just something to go through the motions, but a practice that draws us closer in relationship with Christ.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

And for me, I think uh community is very important. It's time to get to worship together and just be with like-minded people and have that support and opportunity to just have discussions and whatnot about things I have questions on.

SPEAKER_06 2:56

Yeah, right now for discipleship here for residents at Boys Ranch, we're doing teaching them spiritual disciplines. So yeah, I know it's perfect time. We've teached taught them a tacos prayer, which stands for it's an acronym Thanksgiving Adoration, confession, others and self. And we walk through those bullet points of each one, and we start with Thanksgiving by thanking God for what he's done in our life, move on to adoration, so on and so forth. And it's not just something we do to do it, but it's really cool to see how God has something on all our hearts and minds, and it's able to draw us closer to God, but actually to one another because it reminds us that we're all human, we all are going through something, and it just strengthens us our relationships with our brothers and sisters

Relationship Over Religious Checklists

SPEAKER_06 3:40

in Christ.

SPEAKER_05 3:40

So, how do we help kids see Bible reading and prayer as a relationship with God and not just something that they have to do a box to check, something like that?

SPEAKER_04 3:49

I think we first have to start by seeing God as our loving and heavenly father, because if we don't see God as our father, it's hard to imagine a relationship because we think he's not personal and close to us. So I think that's where it has to start.

SPEAKER_05 4:04

How come parents explain to their kids that we don't read the Bible or pray to earn God's love, but because we already have it?

SPEAKER_06 4:10

I think the best thing parent can do to teach their kids, it's not just about going through the motions to earn God's love or by reading or praying, but actually modeling it for them. If you're going to read a scripture with your family, live it out. If you're reading about maybe a passage of the Good Samaritan, like go serve in your community, go to a homeless shelter and and help those in need. Um, don't just go through the motions of of reading the scripture, but make it applicable to their lives.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

I was thinking that being an example, like just exampling that. And and then also, you know, hopefully through spiritual formation, they're they're knowing that they're we don't earn God's love, that it's freely given and already. And you know, if they're gaining that during their growing up time, then that would kind of form naturally into that that we don't read the Bible or pray to earn God's love.

SPEAKER_06 4:59

We most definitely I think you said a key word, Kate, spiritual formation. We've been talking about that sometimes during our Bible readings, that maybe in our own backgrounds that we've grown up, we know we're supposed to read the Bible, we know we're supposed to pray tithe to the church, but why do we do it? And getting to the heart behind it is the most important thing, and that's what I believe God wants from us to just have generous hearts, and that's not nothing by our own works that can earn anything, but God's love, He's already poured it out for us by Jesus' death on the cross for us, and all we have to do is call on his name to experience it.

SPEAKER_05 5:34

So, how

Teaching Kids About The Holy Spirit

SPEAKER_05 5:35

do we help kids understand that God is with them and helps them grow, not just something they have to figure it out all by themselves?

SPEAKER_04 5:41

I think understanding who the Holy Spirit is and how the Holy Spirit plays into our lives and teaching kids that though Jesus isn't physically walking on this earth anymore, we have that gift of the Holy Spirit in our hearts and just teaching from a young age that he's the one who's leading and guiding and that we can depend on him. I think it also just for parents is just continually speaking love and truth over your kids because kids catch on to that.

SPEAKER_06 6:08

They do, yeah. Yeah, I think you made a good point, Marley, of bringing up the Holy Spirit. Like God has sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of us and he wants to dwell in our hearts. I think just making that known to children, like God wants to have a relationship with you. He Jesus came to this earth, he walked here, he could have stayed up in heaven on his throne, but the God of the universe came in the flesh to be with us, and I think just really making that known to a child can make all the difference. And I think with the Holy Spirit, sometimes we say the Holy Spirit, and something that I've been trying to recognize is the Holy Spirit is a third person of the Trinity. So when we say the Holy Spirit, I'm trying to more so say Holy Spirit. We would never say the God, the Jesus. So that's something I've been trying to do in my own life. Like God has given us this supernatural power to live inside of us, so let's take full advantage of it.

Bible Time With Pre-K Kids

SPEAKER_05 7:01

So reading the Bible probably looks at a little different at the different ages. So, what does spending time in the Bible look like for your kids at the different ages? Maybe let's start with younger kids, maybe pre-K type. What is what how would you recommend parents help their kids start a reading at that age, knowing that they probably can't even read?

SPEAKER_01 7:17

I know we have up in our library here at the chapel kids' Bibles, and they're just a lot of pictures and you know, kids' books, and it just talks a lot about just the Bible stories, not so much the whole the whole Bible. I think some of them use that. Some of our little kids that come in for chapel and whatnot. And then I know Marley spends a lot of time working with some of our girls here with doing Bible studies as they are into preteen and teen years, and just I think that's really helpful as you have a mentor or somebody who's willing to answer questions and you know, just set up a schedule or however that looks like. However, you do that, I don't know. But you know, it just I think it's just age appropriate as you as they develop and you stay with that. And so he starts out with pictures always and then goes into more depth and and the different concepts and what they're able to understand.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Yeah. I mean, I think with littler kids, obviously when they can't read or their attention span is shorter, you just have to start simple. And I don't think you can have, I guess, super high expectations. Like, we need to get through this really long chapter of one of the most difficult books of the Bible. Like, start simple and just allow the kids to have time to talk about it, allow the kids to have questions. Um, I think that's where you kind of have to start with it.

SPEAKER_06 8:35

That's good. Definitely. I think to add that, add to that, maybe for kids for a younger age, give a young boy an action book Bible, make it the story come to life by showing them pictures, maybe during seasons. I know growing up, during the advent season, my mom would always get out the advent set and we would read scriptures along with what was happening and the birth and the story of Jesus. And that's something I remember to this day. So I think when we can visualize it, it's gonna stick with us a lot better than just reading words on a page, especially for younger children.

SPEAKER_05 9:06

One of the things I I love is when you give a kid their first Bible. And it I don't know, it just seems like such a fun thing to just make a big deal about it, put a lot of portons on it, saying that's God's word. And it's really cool seeing little kids how they can kind of treasure that when you when you when you do that, and they don't they'll carry it around with them all the time and show people. So yeah, I I always thought that was fun with my girls giving their first Bible and giving them a Bible case and all that. And there's just something about that that made them wanna treasure it. All right, we have a new guest joining us, Mike. So inquiring minds want to know, Mike, what is your favorite book of the Bible?

SPEAKER_02 9:41

Favorite book of the Bible, all of them. Yeah, yeah, that's a yeah. I I don't know. I really like Mark and I really like John. I like the gospels, obviously. And uh and and actually I never would have said this before, but my my granddaughter got me roped into teaching Revelation this this spring to high school group. So I was grinding through Revelation and actually is becoming a it's right now it feels like a favorite. So yeah.

Elementary And Middle School Bible Skills

SPEAKER_05 10:09

All right. So we were talking about what does spending time the Bible look like for the different ages. Let's talk about elementary and middle school. How would you go about teaching elementary and middle school kids how to read the Bible?

SPEAKER_04 10:21

I think it's just stepping alongside them and not expecting them to do it by themselves. I think at that age especially, they're gonna need a little bit of guidance, whether that looks like you sitting right there with them going verse by verse through a chapter, or if that looks like some kind of devotional or Bible study. I think it's good to have those additional tools with that age group.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

With the pre-adolescents, uh with their developmental stage, I would uh really privilege uh stories, narratives, and we can mistakenly they're they're to think about abstract concepts and things like that, that they're really that's probably not gonna be a great point of contact with them, but to really stay in those in those narratives that engage the imagination and follow a story, those carry a lot of weight.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

I think visuals and hands-on stuff is always a good option too, for whatever that looks like for a Bible story or a Bible reading session.

SPEAKER_05 11:16

So I remember my mom used to take each of my brothers and I and she'd like to make us tea, and she'd just sit us down and just read a couple verses or a chapter of the Bible. Kept it real small and relational, and I always thought that was kind of a nice time to spend together and just start learning, learning the word.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Yeah, and then and I appreciate that. Yeah, and having those those meaningful times like that, that that's important, isn't it? Kate, what you said about trying to make if there are some ways to make it a multi-sensory the experience that do engage uh the other senses rather than just auditory or just visual, that that's that's always helpful. But I would say that the narratives are gonna be especially important. And I might be jumping ahead a bit, Josh, but there's a temptation to moralize every story. And that doesn't mean that that there's not time and place to moralize, you know, uh, but uh sometimes we we get so hasty and feel really this urgent need to, you know, to make uh to moralize a story and and then threaten them with the story or something like that. But and then we kind of short circuit the process of just letting them puzzle over the story, ask questions, wonder about it, and then sometimes just to let that be, because the stories layer upon layer begin to tell the big God story. But if we just want to try to make everyone thus saith the Lord, and if you don't see what happens, if you don't do the right thing, God's gonna squash you or something like that. We'll we'll miss the wonder, the joy, and also the really the meaning of the text, too, if we're if we're too hasty to moralize. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 12:47

I was thinking that like allowing them time to ask questions and not just read the story and then ask the questions and expect them to fill in the answers, ask what questions come up for them and you know, help explain it a little more.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah, what and there's been there are two questions that I think are really helpful with uh with the young, we're still talking about the the say pre-adolescent. I notice and I wonder, and I notice obviously I guess actually is not a question, but just that first level of noticing, you know, what do you notice? And then I notice blank, fill in the blank, and to to read the story of say Jesus walking on water, and then I notice and and then I wonder that that's that's qu raising questions. And what I would say to listeners, now your temptation is going to be to answer the question, all right. So make sure there's not any questions hanging in the room, and I would advise against that because it kind of kills the story, but I notice and I wonder, and that story will suddenly come to life. And I have found as a 63-year-old pastor that sometimes some of the best engagement with scripture to help front load me to say share a passage with a group of adults is to sit with some pre-adolescents and let them notice and wonder. And suddenly my blind spots, I've been reading through this story for years, and I miss some obvious thing that a pre-adolescent will see. Is that so so I hope the listeners realize that the blessing of this goes both ways? It's not just for the child, it's for you as well.

SPEAKER_06 14:14

No, I think, Mike, you made a good point, not making it like focusing on the moral part of it, because then I've noticed a lot of people like to become preachy with it, and no one likes to truly be preached at and to almost be talked over like that. Like kids, they have so many questions that are on their minds. And if we can just create an open space for that, that's gonna be where I think you can find so much fruit when they are reading the Bible. Don't be preachy, but allow those conversations to take place. So let's

Helping Teens Engage Without Gimmicks

SPEAKER_06 14:41

move into the high school years.

SPEAKER_05 14:42

What is spending time in the Bible look for like for kids during those years?

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Is this the point where they can get into a little bit more abstract thinking where that that can start to be developing at that point?

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Same kind of format, maybe, but just to advance a little bit more and I personally think just from what I've seen working here at Boys Ranch, that high school is the hardest age, I think, to actually read the Bible because kids are kind of seeing it as a chore, and they don't see it so much as a want. So I think having those additional resources, like going through a guided devotional alongside reading scripture can be really helpful from what I've seen. But I think it's really good to have a mentor or some kind of leader in those high school age groups that can just kind of encourage them and hold them accountable.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Yeah, Josh, one thing with the high schoolers that oh, there's a big temptation to want to, oh, like Marley said, okay, say the high schoolers maybe are gonna have some pushback or roll their eyes, and then suddenly I'm feeling this temptation to try to appease, make this entertaining or it make it interesting, make it whatever, make it relevant is a big buzzword, okay? Needs to be relevant. I've heard there'd been books written on this, filling up Christian bookstores. I would say throw that whole notion out the window. Okay, the whole point of the gospel is we've become irrelevant. And let's go ahead and just enter into this strange world of the Bible rather than apologize for it or try to craft um topical, and I'm sounding very counter-culture right now, and I'm probably stepping on some toes, but trying to craft topical things that pique their interest and that are uh relevant to uh adolescent experience and all that makes sense, but I'm gonna say throw that out the window and just let the Bible happen and let them enter into this strange world and then start to see how do I connect to that story? And over if you could stay the course and trust the process and give it time, suddenly I know it happens to me and still is, is I'm becoming more relevant to the kingdom of God and what God's uh calling us to be. So I would say hang in there. I know it's can be nerve-wracking when you see the eye rolls and things like that, but and I'll feel like I need to apologize for the Bible or whatever and try to make it cool or whatever. But the Bible's powerful and let and and kids are cool. I mean, that if you could just make it in there past those initial eye rolls and things and not not lose your nerve. The kids are wonderful. They're smart, they're curious, and God's Holy Spirit really is drawing people to Himself. So I'd say stay the course and and uh let the Bible be central, let Jesus be central, right?

SPEAKER_05 17:29

I heard a youth pastor say once, what you win them with is what you have to keep them with. If you win them with the newest cool thing, the rock and roll concert, you know, whatever like that, you gotta keep doing that. But he also said the gospel's been true for 2,000 years and winning people to Christ for 2,000 years. The gospel and isn't really what's gonna keep people in those in those hard when hard times happen. I also wonder about kids at this age have lots of questions. And maybe, maybe sometimes it's the reading the Bible is they have those questions and you say, Well, let's go, let's go to the Bible and see what see what it says about that. Have you guys experienced that?

SPEAKER_06 18:00

Yeah, I I definitely have had experiences where kids come to me with a question, and as a human or as even a person in ministry, we want to have the answers. We want to just shoot them off and give them all the answers right away. But I think the best thing we can do as Christians sometimes is to be honest and vulnerable and say, I don't know the answer to what you're going through. But just sit with that kid in that moment because that might be the memory that brings them to Jesus, even just sitting with them in their pain of that question or and just being honest, because there's so many people that try to put on a show to like you're saying, take them to a rock concert or something, and like just be honest, be vulnerable. And I think a kid will respect that. Kids can read between the lines. If an adult is trying to put on a suit and look all fancy, they know if an adult is being genuine or not, so just be real with them in those moments.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Curious, Marley. You lead a lot of devotionals. Um, have you ever had some hard questions come your way?

SPEAKER_04 18:58

Yeah, I've had a lot of hard questions, and I honestly think Austin hit it right on. I think sometimes we will have the answers, and sometimes we do know where at in scripture it talks about that certain thing. But a lot of times it's questions far beyond our understanding. And I think some of the questions kids have are questions we're not necessarily meant to know. That's where faith comes in is just being able to trust what we can't see all the time. Yeah, I think just being honest with them, or if we don't know, going to someone else who may know, I think using our resources is a good good tool too.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

I like that. Appreciate what Austin said too. That that is that that really is that's a devotional killer, isn't it? Is is if we either if they're question if if it's like one of these forbidden questions, you know, we feel like God's on trial and we we return that with shock or shaming, well then it's not that they pick up real quick that it's not safe to ask those hard questions anymore. So they'll stop. And that really arrests the whole faith formation process then. Or the other thing is if we just shoot them down like clay pigeons, maybe all your listeners aren't familiar with clay pigeons, but if if if if it's just something to shoot down and quickly answer, that are that really stops the process as well. It doesn't really respect my young friend if I've just just trying to quickly like Austin said, just quickly answer. So yeah, there's just a nice pace to it all. It's like we do there are some things that I ask that I do feel like I have a we there's some answers around some of these things or some good things that Bible says, some things and we could turn and look. But you know, there's some things in life their listeners are well aware of, adults are that go beyond what I've figured out yet at this point. And and the kids aren't dumb. They they as soon as an adult tries to say they have all the answers, you've probably lost your cred, as they say. Is that is that how you say it? Credibility, cred? That's a cool way. I'm kind of cool like that.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Yeah, I appreciate that, Austin. You said that because I think that that models to the kids that to can that we're still searching to and looking for answers and don't and you know, just allows the kids to say, wow, I could still question that, and along with what you said, Mike, about them not feeling like they can move forward in asking anymore.

SPEAKER_05 21:16

So

Understanding Scripture And Keeping It Simple

SPEAKER_05 21:17

how can parents then help their kids understand what they're reading instead of just going through the motions and checking off that they've they've read for the day?

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Aaron Powell I think it goes back to some of those questions before, like what do you notice? What did you notice? Or you know, asking questions.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Yeah, good good dinner table discussion, right? Just a little check-in and yeah, what did you notice about the reading and and what seemed meaningful?

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

And just let let it open up. And that I would hope that would it's not a gotcha thing and trying to see if they did their homework, but that just would be a wonderful way to let the scripture continue to do its work and and not just in the child, but it through the whole family, right?

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

It's helpful too, I think, if like when I have a question about something, if someone knows some Bible history or some backstory to some of that. And can help explain some things that don't make sense. I always get when s we have our discussions after Bible readings of just the different input that people have. And as a parent, I don't don't know all those answers, didn't know all those answers, but you know, there's always resources to find it out and people who do know.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

You know, the uh it might be have already c you know covered this, but it's gonna be important to make sure that child's in a you know a translation of the Bible that they can understand. And maybe some listeners might be married to a certain translation, but if not, check with your pastor for recommendation and what would be reliable as far as accuracy, or maybe it's a translation that your particular church is fond of. But make you know, make give some thought to what translation you're using. And there are Bibles that have there is such a thing that just a nice short introduction, say say to a book of the Bible, goes a long way to help set some context. And then maybe just some just some nice concise footnotes sometimes is is helpful, especially with the older kids. I've also seen Bibles that have very ambitious with footnotes and things to the point that formatting is so great and the the all the supplemental stuff is so ambitious that it almost drowns out the words. You've seen those, right? I'm not so crazy about those, but just just some that just like the old NIV study Bible had some pretty concise notes that really did sometimes help understand, oh, this is what was going on there, this is what's happening there, that helped give the text meaning. So with the teenagers, those kind of helps are can can be important, right?

SPEAKER_05 23:32

So what might be some simple ways families can make Bible reading the regular part of their everyday life?

SPEAKER_04 23:37

Um I think the answer is kind of in that question is just keeping it simple, at least to start off with, and then also realizing what your family's schedule is. Everybody's schedule is gonna look different. Um if your kids are super busy at night involved in sports and all the things, maybe it looks like getting up a little bit earlier in the morning and starting off with reading a certain passage of passage of scripture in the morning, or it could look like Mike said, just sitting down at dinner and reading a little devotional. But just starting simple, I think, is the best thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

I have a daughter with just two young girls, they're six and three, and every night part of their bedtime routine is they sit down, mom, dad, and the girls, and they read some Bible and then they sing a hymn, and that's just automatically a part of their bedtime routine every n every night. I'm not sure how that will change as they get older, but I I think it needs to be made a priority in your family if you're gonna do that and you you do that regardless, or like Marley said, find an alternate time if the night time doesn't work anymore or something. But but it puts them in that just in that routine from a very young age of this is what we do every night before we go to bed.

SPEAKER_05 24:48

So I have a friend who talked about how when he grew up his family didn't go to church and he didn't know anything about reading the Bible or anything like that. And then when he was probably in middle school, his family decided they were gonna start going to church. They decided they should start reading the Bible. And when they first started reading it, they were like, this is just too overwhelming. We just we can't do it, we can't do it. And he said that they gave him, they told him, well, just start small. Don't think you have to read the Bible every day. Just maybe make it once or twice a week. Start there, and then once you start to get a little more familiar with it, you know, then you can always read more. And I think that's kind of it's kind of like when you lift weights, you don't try and bench 200 your first time. You you work your way up. And now he's a biblical scholar.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Yeah, with that overwhelming this this is probably listeners are familiar, everybody's familiar with this. When people kind of like the New Year's resolution thing, like, okay, we need uh da-da-da, we're gonna read the Bible. Yeah, and uh adults do this all the time. I'm gonna read the Bible and you start at Genesis 1.1 and you start to and gonna read through the whole Bible. And then uh if you aren't doing it with a group or you're not highly disciplined, yeah, you might kind of fizzle out right about the I don't know, maybe the end of Exodus, beginning of Leviticus, right? Yep. And uh and then you just feel guilty, defeated, and yeah, and and there you go. So I would say fine, especially with the kids, think about being about what where is it that you would direct them. And you know, yeah, I probably wouldn't direct them to the uh, I don't know, Moses census that he's taking in the book of Numbers. Okay. You know, there's not not to say that those that content's not important in the big picture, but yeah, direct them to Mark's gospel has some a lot of action and and less theory and just a lot of action, you know, that you can visualize. Or or Jay the book of James is a lot of practical teaching that's very accessible, readable, but to give some thought into where you're directing the child, right, with with what what part of the Bible you're gonna send them to.

SPEAKER_06 26:41

Yeah, I think some other ways is for families, just you gotta be flexible. Like for me and my wife, we started out doing, like you said, Mike, we started out reading a chapter a day in the Bible, and we would even find a Hebrew word and try to learn about that, and it just became too much for us. And so what we did, our senior chaplain Ray actually gave us a little devotional book. So now we just read a page a day of that. It only has one Bible verse in it, a question in it, a brief summary, and that's what works for us right now. And I think for a family too, something like that can be a lot more practical, especially if you if you have younger kids going through Genesis, Exodus, the Torah is not gonna be so easy for a five-year-old child.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Not to mention that there's some R-rated material. Yeah.

Teaching Kids Healthy Real Prayer

SPEAKER_05 27:30

All right, let's transition into the discipline of prayer life. So, what does healthy real prayer look like for kids, especially when they're just learning?

SPEAKER_04 27:37

I really like this question because here at Boys Ranch, we do devotionals every Wednesday night with kids in the home. So we go into the homes and we just read a small pass passage of scripture and then we allow time for prayer. So every week I ask if anybody wants to volunteer to pray. And a lot of times kids will, and then a lot of times kids will say, I want to, but I don't know how. And or I think I don't know how because I don't know how to formulate my words to make it sound good. And I think it's just a good teaching point that prayer isn't about sounding good, that prayer is all it is is a conversation with God. And I think stepping alongside those kids to remind them that it is a conversation and to just be open and honest, and also just a reminder that even if we don't get the words out how we want to say it, God knows our heart and he knows what we want to say.

SPEAKER_06 28:29

I love that you say, Marley, that it's just having a conversation with God. I know we've talked about this, I think, with Kate too in our Bible readings. I had at our camp, we had a leader, he would open up conversations, he would just go, hey God, and to get all the kids in, he would open his hands up big and wide and just go, hey God, and clap and make everyone clap along with him and just go straight into prayer. And it doesn't have to be anything special, necessarily like with fancy words or anything, but just be real. Like if you're talking to your parent, you're talking to your dad or mom, just make that applicable for kids and know like, hey, God, he wants to have a conversation with you so much that he wants to even reside in your heart and make your body as a holy temple, is what the scripture says.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Yeah, prayer doesn't have to be like some formula, but like we mentioned earlier, how Austin has been teaching kids this tacos prayer. That can be helpful for kids starting out just to kind of have a baseline to go off. Like we start with, okay, thanking God, and then the last thing we get to is asking for what we need for ourselves. So that can be helpful with starting out too, I think. Or the Lord's Prayer is obviously a great way to go off of too.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

Okay, Marla, you said tacos prayer.

SPEAKER_04 29:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

So you're praying for tacos.

SPEAKER_04 29:44

No, Austin can go ahead and sell a soft shell. Austin can go ahead and say what that means if you want to. Is that an acronym? Yes, it's an acronym.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

Man, and I okay. I'm just I thought I was cool, but I'm not cool. No, what's a taco prayer?

SPEAKER_06 29:58

So a taco prayer is the T stands for Thanksgiving, the A stands for adoration, the C is confession, O is praying for others, and S is praying for yourself. And it's just something silly, but I think kids hold on and remember things that are silly. We did it last week in our discipleship group for high school boys, and I just wrote the acronym out and put a taco on the screen, a picture of a taco. The kids were like, Are we having tacos tonight for discipleship? And I'm sure now they're probably not gonna forget that moment. And then the following week after that, discipleship week, I gave them an option of journaling on just what's going on in their life or journaling the tacos prayer out themselves. And the majority of the group said they wanted to actually journal the tacos prayer. So I think just finding simple acronyms, activities for kids to find applicable in their lives can really go a long way. Taco. Yeah, makes you kind of hungry, doesn't it, Mike?

SPEAKER_02 30:56

Oh, the tacos. That that I like that. Josh, you're gonna put tacos acronym in your show notes. I'm sure that I will, yes. Okay, that's good. Thanksgiving, adoration, confession, others, and salsa. Salsa. I wish. Okay. So we we used to do something like that out here, but it wasn't as cool as that. It didn't like make an acronym or make you hungry, but we it was a three threefold prayer. And when we were with this, and this might work with families listening, when we would have a home devotional here at the uh on our campus, I would facilitate, and so uh parents could easily facilitate this. And we had a three-movement prayer, and it started out with Thanksgiving. All right, prayers of Thanksgiving. My young friends, we uh as Marley, Austin, Kate know, we are working with young friends all the time that have no experience with prayer, so they're feeling overwhelmed or then they and make this really simple. And I said that the first movement is uh God thanks for, and then bam, you fill in the blank. And we would just have a free flow of that in our little circle in the living room. That's easy, and kids would just start to say things they're thankful for. Then once that kind of played out, then I moved into the next movement was God I pray for, and then usually that would be people or situations in need. God, I pray for my Aunt Bessie, or I pray for, and we will let those prayers go until they kind of played out. And then the last movement was God help me with, and that was kind of more of an internal thing and of, you know, help me with my anger, help me with my discipline with school, or help me with my friendships, or whatever. And that was just a real easy way to invite some young friends into this new territory of prayer. So those that might be intimidated even by the conversations and things like that, it they're just simply sometimes just saying single words, you know, they'll just and and that so that was an easy access way to start some prayer movements and also just like your tacos prayer, just to start to think thematically about some of those movements that our you know, souls would where we'd want to go in prayer, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:02

I think a key word here is healthy, real prayer, healthy. You know, I re I just remember as a young kid learning there, I think we had three different prayers we would pray for at mealtime, and we did our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep at night, and you know, and then other than what we said at church, that was kind of like prayer life, and it becomes so rote that you know, I I really it was just again, I appreciate l having that foundation and the habit of that, the routine of that. But it I learned later on about real prayer, and that was that hey God, like just just talking with God, and it could be at any place and any time. And yeah, there's the story about the woman who comes across the little boy sitting on the rock in the woods, just reciting letters over and over and over, and she's like, What are you doing? And he said, Well, I I'm I'm talking to God. And she and she said, Well what are you saying? She said, Well, God, he said, Well, God knows. I'm just sending up the letters for it. And so so he, you know, that was like that to me is real prayer. Like he knew he was speaking with God and God understood what he was saying. And yeah. So, you know, some of those prayers are just they're become rote and not you don't even really realize what you're saying anymore. Or it's not I won't say it's not meaningful because it's a prayer, but it doesn't, it's different than like just a spontaneous conversation.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

Uh and Kate, I I I really appreciate man, Austin, Marley, Kate, all three of you. There I think this is a rich contribution to this whole subject. And that one thing it shows is that they're to not get in this box to think there's one form. So there are some different launch points and different ways to pray. That conversational, extemporaneous prayer is is a real necessary, meaningful, helpful thing. Sometimes the kids just feel overwhelmed with that. It's like I don't even know what to say, and they get stuck. And if they're stuck there, sometimes it is helpful to maybe even give them a little scripted prayer. Or you think about there's the there's that scene at the temple where you had the Pharisee, the self-righteous Pharisee kind of bragging on himself, and then you had that, I believe it was a tax collector that, you know, has his head down and you know, God have mercy on me as sinner. And I've heard that, you know, that's been packaged as prayer before, you know, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me as sinner. But to have those scripted, small, memorized prayers, there's we evangelicals will give those a bad rap and say, well, they don't mean anything because we, you know, if you just memorize them and it's just, you know, it's not coming right from your heart and whatever. And I I think, well, I don't know about that. I mean, we say the Pledge of Allegiance regularly, or a lot of things that we do. And if it's meaningful or not, probably comes up is up to me to begin with, right? And why why couldn't it be meaningful? Sometimes that little scripted prayer that might be just a tiny bit, but it's very doable. And sometimes it might go into rote and I'm daydreaming as I'm saying it, whatever. But and then over time it might start to move into even a deeper place if we trust the process. So I think altogether, these all these ideas are just wonderful and helpful. Helpful to me.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

And sometimes just a prayer is thank you, God. And sometimes a prayer is just help me, God.

unknown 36:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

And I think it's important for them to understand can be that simple as well.

SPEAKER_05 36:15

So,

Prayer Myths Silence And Listening

SPEAKER_05 36:16

what might be some common misconceptions about what exactly prayer is or what it does? Well, God is not a genie in a bottle.

SPEAKER_06 36:22

I think that's like the most obvious answer to this. Waiting for that Snickers to still come, Mike. But yeah, I think even for younger kids, I know when I was a kid, I might roll up to school and be like, God, please give me an A plus on this test today. And that's just not healthy prayer. And I think that does come with maturing as a believer, too, and allowing God to sanctify you and just allow his spirit to move in your life. But I think even for us adults, I think we can be like, God, I need this done right now. I have so much going on in my life. Why aren't you helping me with this? And God hears our prayers, He is patient with us, and yeah, I think for us, just we need to throw out the genie in the bottle prayers.

SPEAKER_05 37:07

I think part of the problem with the genie in the bottle prayer is it puts us as God and God is our slave. I don't think that's the right alignment in that. Is that accurate or yeah?

SPEAKER_02 37:16

Marley, do you ever have any the the girls that you minister to get frustrated? Like, ma'am, prayer doesn't work. I tried it, and then you say, Well, what happen what what tell me about it? And you find out, well, they did expect him to be a genie in the bottle thing.

SPEAKER_04 37:29

Yeah, definitely. Or I hear like God isn't listening to my prayers, and I just try and remind them like God is always listening and God does answer our prayers, but it may not be how we always ask for it or how we want it to be, and that God is gonna answer our prayers in his timing and in his will.

SPEAKER_02 37:47

You know, that did y'all look at the uh doubting Thomas scripture in chapel this last week. Yeah. If you notice in that, and listeners, if you're familiar with the story, after Jesus rose from the tomb, he appears to the disciples, but Thomas is not with the disciples when he appears. And and then he's you know famously says, Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and and touch the the wound in his side, I will not believe. He's left hanging for a week. Now, I don't know what that's about. Why didn't Jesus just come and and immediately reveal himself to Thomas? Or at least the next day, but you have a whole week of suspense. When Jesus shows up, well, right away he says, Hey Thomas, come check out my hands and check out my side. Well, one thing that shows is Jesus has been out of sight, but he's been around. Okay, he hasn't missed a thing because he knew what Thomas's questions were, right? And I don't know what that seven that week was about, but I'm convinced it was uh just what Thomas needed in the big picture. And and Jesus is hearing it all. And I try to encourage my young friends that what seems like silence to you, I said, I know that's discouraging, and I don't understand it either, but I just know that that God is on your side and He is He's not missing anything. And I have found in my life that a lot of times where I I the silence is where I look back and see where God maybe was working the most powerfully. I just at the time couldn't figure it out, right? So those are definitely things that our young friends that that are engaged in life and are they're smart. These are the kind of questions they're gonna have, though, right?

SPEAKER_04 39:22

I think another misconcep misconception about prayer is that prayer is all about talking. But we go back to how prayer is a conversation, and you think of any conversation like we're having now, it's two-sided. So it's like, yes, prayer is about talking to God, but it's also about listening to God as well.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

Josh, I'm just just uh an another misconception on prayer, and this I think adults maybe don't have this that we don't we miss this a lot. I have a feeling when I'm gonna pray that I'm kind of gonna conjure up God or call on him, and he's somewhere distant, and hopefully he's gonna hear, come, respond, or whatever. And I'm the one initiating the whole thing. And I would, I have really have a different thought on that now. And and I believe that he's the one that's called, he's already before me. He's called me to the prayer. It's initiated by him, not me. So it's more like walking into a surprise party, uh, you know, that's been that's been carefully, you know, like, hey, we've been I've been expecting you, and and how cool that is to feel so loved that you've been just step into a surprise party on your behalf rather than that lonely feeling of, okay, I'm feeling guilty and haven't done this, I better do it, and God will probably finally maybe be more happy with me or whatever. And that's just drudgery and you're not even sure if he's there. No, he's gone on ahead of you and you're stepping into something that he's he's invited you to, right? That's a game changer if you start to think of it that way, and it makes prayer something that's, I don't know, more of a delight,

Consistency Grace And Staying The Course

SPEAKER_02 40:50

right?

SPEAKER_05 40:50

So, how can parents teach their kids to pray without it feeling really forced or repetitive? And what are some easy ways to make prayer a natural part of your family's daily routine?

SPEAKER_06 40:59

I think like one, like having those healthy habits of praying before dinner are very important, but also to see it lived out is even more important for that child because I can think of times in my own life where may my family was going through something or we knew someone who was going through something. And I remember my dad, he just said, Hey guys, we're gonna pause the TV real quick and we're just gonna pray for our family member at this time. And I think we sometimes think we have to have all these habitual, prayerful practices, which don't get me wrong, they're very healthy, but also just allow the spirit of God to move in your life, be mindful of what the spirit is doing, and just try to be aware of it as best as possible. Because when your kids see that you yourself are aware of that, I think that they're gonna they're gonna remember those moments. Like I was able to remember that moment when my dad has just said, Hey guys, we just need to stop and just pray for our family member right now who's going through a hard time.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

That's something I've learned here is spontaneous prayer. And I I just it I just appreciate it so much. There's so many times in a setting and something will come up, or we're be we're going to start to do something and we pray for it before we begin it, or like you said, there's a realization about something, and then we say, Hey, can we can we say a prayer for that right now? And it it's not forced and it's not repetitive and it's just spontaneous. And I think that's that's been very helpful for me as far as prayer, discipline, you know, prayer life. And I think that's a natural part, can be a very natural part of a routine too during the day as you pray during the day. It doesn't need to just be set times.

SPEAKER_05 42:31

I think it's I think it's good to have your kids catch you praying also. I think they catch more than they're taught. We teach them about praying, but if they don't see us in action, then I don't think they believe that we believe it as much. So just make it part of your life too, then that I think will become part of theirs as well. So, how do we stay consistent with these habits without making it feel like pressure? And what would you say to parents who feel like they're kind of behind?

SPEAKER_04 42:53

I think with any habit that you're trying to get into, it takes practice, obviously. So I think just practicing and also just making sure you're making it a priority in your life, but also to give yourself grace when it doesn't happen, because not every day is going to look like the same. So I think giving yourself grace in that. And then to parents who feel like they're behind, I would just say to remember that it's not you doing the work and that it's God doing the work and to not put so much pressure on yourself.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

We're we're never behind, we're always right where we're supposed to be, and that awareness precedes change, and if you become aware of this and it's a change you want to make, then it's time to do that. And so then you can start the habits and yeah, and and know that you're not behind, you're right where you're supposed to be. It's time.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

This I hope this gives listeners maybe some encouragement. And don't yeah, so don't be too hard on yourselves. But if you're realizing that, hey, we need to incorporate this into our family routine. I know we've talked about this on other podcasts, and and I think Kate, you mentioned the word routine, just how important routine is to just bring Peace under your roof, just to have routine and especially around, say, trying to protect a regular family meal time where everybody's around the table together. That that just does so much. Right now, if you're feeling convicted to start to implement this, just have that honest chat with your kids for first of all, because it might seem kind of weird or awkward at first and to say, hey, I man, I think I've really blown it. I just want that's something I feel like we need to do as a family is you know, whatever this thing you think is going to look like, this little devotional time. Start small and and make sure that don't be preoccupied with how, and I know Austin and Marley can really relate to this, don't be preoccupied with how it's being received by your children. I know that sounds kind of weird, but be more preoccupied with how you are receiving the time with the Lord and the time in prayer. And they will really be affected by that. If you can abandon yourself, make sure the room's safe, right? So the smoke alarm's not going off or the, you know, the police aren't at the door and there's fire or whatever. Make sure the room is safe. But beyond that, don't be all caught up into the children's behavior or if you think they're liking it and all that, that will steal your joy and it will hijack you, and you'll you just won't be in that right place. But if you could just sink into that real moment with God and then start small, stay consistent, don't flake out when you think they're gonna start to say boring, or we do this every week, let's do something different. Just stay the course. Years ago at Boys Ranch, we started devotional in a home, and there was one home that was really struggling on campus, even in residential childcare standards, it was beyond the pale. So I decided I was gonna take that home. I didn't want my chapel staff to have to go into that home to lead a devotional for maybe for safety reasons. I don't know. So, so I I took one for the team, and the first, and I and this is what we were gonna do. I was gonna read scripture, have an opportunity for prayer, and it was just gonna stay very simple with some of the principles your listeners had just heard. But and and what I promised the group is that I wasn't gonna try to stretch it and make it into a filibuster, and it was just we're gonna read this scripture, there's opportunity for prayer, and then we close and go home. Came together and we had most of the kids in the circle. There was one that was outside making animal noises, and the ones in the circle were uh, you know, they're about fit to be tied, and nobody says a peep when I went through the you know with the scripture and things because it makes it shorter, right? And I bet it was five minutes, made max. And I said, Okay, thank you. And we it was when we were done, and they looked at me, it's like, wow, that dude really did honor that. He didn't try to make it longer. You know, they expected I was gonna try to, you know, make launch a speech or, you know, do something or fix them. Came back the next week, same thing, and probably five minutes, three, four, five minutes, and we left. And we just stayed with it. It was and the time was right on the dot, the exact same time. I did the exact same thing. The only difference was it was a different scripture each week. What happened over time? The kid outside on the porch making animal noises. Well, before you know it, he was in the house, not in our circle, but he was in the living room making animal noises instead of out on the porch. And then after another week or two, then he got closer to the circle. And then after a while, he quit making animal noises. And then pretty soon he's in the circle. And after time, these boys that were really some that had been through hard things in life, so so I'm not trying to make fun of their their behavior was really beyond the pale, but they've been through some hard stuff. But by staying the course, keeping it consistent, and not trying to balloon it up into something big any given week, they began to participate and they actually found some kind of some comfort in the fact they knew that was gonna happen each week and even look forward to to seeing me, uh believe it or not. But and it turned into a real devotional. And some nights they had a lot to say, and it so it opened up and maybe was 20 minutes long or 25. But I never tried to make it, try to force it into being a certain length, and some nights it was it was short. But that would be my recommendation is you will have to press through, face some eye rolls or some pushback, but just keep your peace and don't get hijacked and get in a power struggle, and then don't flake out, just stay consistent and and work on thinking about the the big picture and what this will grow into if you just trust the process, because any single given night might not look very glorious, right? It could look like a real mess, but that would be my recommendation to families out there.

SPEAKER_05 48:37

You can do it.

Modeling Faith And Closing Calls To Action

SPEAKER_05 48:38

So, how important is it for kids to see their parents reading the Bible and praying? And what does that look like in real life?

SPEAKER_06 48:43

I think it's very important for kids to see their parents read their Bible and pray in front of them. Another life example is my mom, she reads the Bible every morning before our family would wake up. And while she was never preaching to us or even teaching, she was serving an example as an example of what a healthy relationship looks like with Jesus. Because we believe that scripture is alive and breathing, and for her to make that daily commitment is something that I'm always reminded of for myself too, of why it's important to read the Bible on a on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

And Austin, I'm gonna guess, but did your mom live a life that reflected her Bible reading?

SPEAKER_06 49:21

Oh, yeah, 100%. She's more she's an introvert like me, so she's on the more quiet side, but she has a meek soul and she's the type of person to go get something done without being in the spotlight. And I think her Bible reading reflects the way she lives her life for Jesus.

SPEAKER_05 49:38

All right, I pray you'll take some time this week and give this podcast a five-star review. And if you do, I promise I'll read every single one. Until next time, you might have to loan out your cortex today. Just make sure you remember and get it back.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Thank you for listening to Brain Based Parenting. We hope you enjoyed this show. If you would like more information about Cal Farley's Boys Ranch, are interested in employment, would like information about placing your child, or would like to help us help children by donating to our mission, please visit calfarly.org. You can find us on all social media platforms by searching for Cal Farley's. Thank you for spending your time with us and have a blessed day.