The Feminine Outliers

Challenging Beauty Standards: A Deep Dive into Cultural and Personal Perspectives

• Zelda Wasao

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0:00 | 47:37

Welcome back to the Feminine Outliers Podcast! In this episode, we tackle the topic of beauty standards and how they are influenced by cultural perceptions. We share personal anecdotes and discuss the impact of Western beauty ideals on black women, the challenges of embracing natural hair, and the importance of self-acceptance. We also highlight the significance of building a supportive environment and maintaining healthy self-esteem. Tune in for an insightful conversation about redefining beauty standards and embracing authenticity. 

00:00 Introduction and Hosts Welcome 

00:21 Today's Topic: Beauty Standards 

00:53 Personal Experience with Hair and Beauty Standards 

03:01 Discussion on Hair Perception and Compliments 

07:52 Cultural Differences in Beauty Perception 

20:23 Fitness and Body Image 

23:22 Conclusion and Final Thoughts 

24:31 Embracing Unconventional Beauty 

26:05 The Strength in Self-Acceptance 

26:40 Challenges of Beauty Standards 

28:14 Natural Hair and Cultural Pressures 

29:14 Questioning Beauty Norms 

30:22 The Role of Media and Movements 

36:17 Practical Hair Care Tips 

38:41 Simplifying Hair Care 

44:44 Building Self-Esteem and Health 

46:23 Conclusion and Podcast Information 

Leave us a comment or question or just say hi :)

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Welcome to the Feminine Elias Podcast, where we are about life and self-discovery beyond borders. We are your hosts, Zelda Waal.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

And troll women, Donna.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

And we are excited to have you here with us today. Welcome back to another episode. I hope you guys have had a great week. Great day wherever you're listening to us from. As you guys can tell by the topic the title of this video, today we're talking about beauty standards. And this is something that me and Choi are both passionate about because we can both relate to this in one way or the other. There's a lot of different examples and things that we can. Kind of rant abouts that have been happening recently, which I'm sure you you guys are aware about, aware of some of them. But the reason that this backstory, the reason why this topic was triggered in my head was because I, I. So I am, as you guys can possibly tell, I'm wearing a wig. This is my first time usually I usually wear my natural hair out, but I was like, oh, let me try something new.'cause I'm trying to do different things with my hair right now. And I went to work. Everyone noticed. That I was wearing like that what my notice my hair, everyone was like, oh my goodness, I like your hair so much. It's so pretty. Someone asked me, are you going on a date? The amount of compliments I've gotten wearing my hair like this

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

interesting because. I didn't even realize her hair was that big of a deal because usually I'm just in wearing my own hair my natural hair out. And I was like, huh, it's either natural hair or my hair's in braids. And so this was like, and I remember telling Choi this and Choi was like, huh, welcome to the world. Well to the western world because this is how, this is what the beauty standard is. Straight hair. Uh, and I was like, oh my goodness was, it was, it was so confusing to me. And that is what triggered this topic and this point of discussion, which I know we've talked about something similar in the past, but that was why I wanted to bring it up because I literally was shocked. I was like, why is everyone giving me compliments about my hair?

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

And I also trying to get compliments from them. I'm literally not. I'm just here living my best life. Just having a new protective hairstyle, that's it. And everyone was like, oh my goodness, I like your hair. And I'm like, can I just slip under the radar without anyone noticing anything? But it just made me realize that really being, having, um, you know, as black women having our natural hair out, it actually is. Quite a statement, and it's not considered a standard a beauty standard. It's not, it's not where, you know, basically the beauty standards are leaning more towards Caucasian features and not, non-Caucasian features. And this just drove it home. So essentially that is the background for this. Episode today. I'm hoping we can have a good, I'm sure we'll have a good discussion.'cause I know, I know. Joel, we can go on a little run with this one.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Yeah. I mean, I was just about to ask you, uh, did you get, do you get the similar comments when your hair is in braids?

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

No.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm. Yeah, because, yeah.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Yeah.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

don't think you've come home. I don't I've not. I'm not remem I cannot remember a, an occasion where you've come home and I know I've seen you go into the hospital with your natural hair. And with braids and when you have done your braids, but I

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Um.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

you like calling me or texting me and saying like, Hey, you know, everybody has been commenting on my braids. Um, this was the first time where like you took, you took this hairstyle and you're like, oh my goodness. And I was like, yes, Zelle. Welcome to this world because. first instant thought was people were projecting onto you their idea of beauty or like what looked good because it was like straight hair. Wait, that's like my hair. And so yeah, so we're like twinning in, in some way without saying it, know? So it's that idea of like, oh, so then it means I am, I feel connected, or I feel closer to you. when you are in braids, it's more like, oh, difference. I don't know how to navigate. Um, because I guess there's also that thing of where like even I'm sure when you're in braids or in a non-straight hair sort of, hairstyle, there's almost this desire to like, touch, let me touch, let me like understand the texture. Let me see how it feels, because my own brain cannot comprehend. Um, comprehend what is going on. So I've, I've always heard these things where people are like, oh, my coworkers wanna touch my hair, or people on lookers or people in the street wanna touch my hair. But this time around it was more like, oh, I can relate to you without even touching your hair because it looks like my own hair.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm-hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

So, yeah, I think to me that was like, when you, when you sent me your message, I was like, that was the initial thought. I was like, oh, now you are. One of every them, like, you're now part of the group, like you are like in the group. If that makes sense.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

But why does it take straight hair to be in the group?

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Yeah. Um, a good question.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Like,

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

That is, is a, that is a good, that, that is a good question. Why, why does it take,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

it kind of makes you more like conscious about like, wait, so how does my hair, what, how's my hair perceived the rest of the time? Because

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

they're pretty, they're free enough to gimme the compliments, so they must have noticed. I mean, they notice everything. And they notice my eyebrows notice everything. I'm just like, I'm like, can I just, can you guys just not notice anything? Because when I go to work, I don't go there noticing things per se about people. I mean, yeah, I always know the nurses who dress, who like take the extra mile and look good and look cute and stuff like that. But I never think anything about it. I guess I don't have time to think about that. I'm literally just trying to make sure all my patients are alive and they're getting better. Um,

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

so it was just, it's, it's a very interesting, um, very interesting dilemma to, for, I mean, being that I've been faced with this time,'cause I've never, I literally am not used to this kind of response and I'm like. This is excessive. Like

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Yeah.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I'm doing is putting something on my hair and everyone's like.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Yeah. You know, sometimes when these situations happen, I think of like back home and even when I was doing my volunteering, like in Rwanda where you see kids running after or surrounding someone who's Caucasian, I also, I kind of like re that's the only way I can kind of like relate to that in a way you like want. kids to be and to understand like, no, this is another, this is just a human being just like you. Like they have to eat, they have to go to the bathroom, they have to do these things. But there's su such a curiosity. I also wonder if like from a Western perspective, because you know, people are educated and like you think people will have that level of, um. Um, I don't know, understanding of like, oh, this person's hair is just different from mine, and that's cool. But then maybe they're also just acting from this, like I like aspect of like, oh, this is different. So like, what am I supposed to do with it? Um, so I don't know, like that's just one thought I have, but because I'm like, yeah, like why?'cause,'cause then it seems. you are, when you have straight hair, it seems you're less you're less different. And so you just happen to have different skin color and like you're, I don't know, so maybe it's, it just kind of makes people feel more comfortable and they just seem like they can relate to you. and so,'cause I, I remember when I was in Rwanda, the kids weren't coming after me. They actually thought I was, yeah, they thought I was Ru Ds and I'm like, no, I'm not Ru Ds. But like, so again, like maybe it's just there like that. And so it's part of the price that we pay for being that one person that's different, you know.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm, but isn't that kind of different in a sense? Because okay, there is the aspect of like, oh, like the um, westerner comes to the village. The kids are like, oh my goodness, this is so fascinating. But part of it is because they've really never seen someone who looks like them. So that's where that's been driven from. Whereas over here, you must have seen a black woman before. You've probably seen someone with natural hair somewhere, or like, because, especially because of the, the natural hair movement. So it's not as if I am like exotic or something like that. It's just, I guess in your head because the standard is, um, the standard is straight hair. Is beautiful. You just react like that.'cause I feel like sometimes these people don't realize they're working, they're acting on um, their unconscious biases. Because I literally wanna be like, why hasn't anyone complimented me before? I, I mean, the only person to ever compliments me about my natural hair was actually one of the other, um, um, she's one of the techs and she's African American, great lady. She's the one who, she's one who compliments me on my natural hair.'cause her hair is also, she also wears her hair natural. So I think that's why she's able to compliment me on that. But other than that, everyone else is like, and granted there are that many of us, so maybe that's why. Um,

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

uh. That's a thing.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

but

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

I, oh,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

go ahead.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

I was just gonna, I was just gonna

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

that what you're talking about is something I've also experienced. Even when I go to events and I dress up, if I go to whatever event that could be, I've noticed that it is the black women shout out to the black women. Oh my goodness. Shout out to the black women. It's usually the black women that will compliment me on my outfit, on my hair. On my glowing skin or something. Like there, there'll be something that they will say, about my presence that will just validate like who I am or what, what I'm doing there. So like that has, that has felt really, really good.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

and I don't, you know, I, the expectation of a non-black person to do that. I don't think that as. Really happened once in a while, maybe one or two people. but not, it's not a thing. And one of the things that that reminds me of is that power of reciprocity. You know, where can, you, there's this sense of validation. Not that you should go out, you know, looking for validation. But there's something about someone saying. Hey, that looks so good. Or like, Hey, that's, that's pretty good. Nice shoes or whatever. And there is this unspoken, I don't know, disconnect where like if someone doesn't even know, um, whether to say, Hey, nice dress, or, um, good, I don't know, good hair. Like, I don't know. There, there just seems to be a disconnect or a lack of relatability where. So I don't know whether it's like I, I don't know. I don't know what that's all about. Um, in, in situations where there people are mixed and like different cultures are at play, but, yeah. So,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I guess that's. That makes sense. It's inter, it's interesting though,'cause I would not think about that because for me, I, I don't care which culture you're from, if I can compliment you, even if I don't understand your culture, your hair, your whatever, I don't have an issue with that, but maybe that's because I also grew up in a very multicultural environment, so for me, it's not weird for me to see people from anywhere and everywhere. And so it's easy for me to just. Compliment. Maybe other people might feel like it's a bit hard for them to say anything. I don't know. Like maybe like non-black people, because all, most, I'd probably say 99.99% of the people giving me these compliments were not black. So I was just like, interesting. So clearly they noticed something.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

yeah, yeah. And then that also comes down to our own people because. If you, you know, your hair looks like this and it's like, oh, your hair is good. You know, so then I don't even know if we know how to compliment ourselves

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

on our different hairstyles, may, you know, like if, if I'm like, right now I'm like with my natural hair, if you say, oh, your hair looks good. In its natural state, like, I don't know. I don't know if we even know like how to do it because maybe if I straightened my hair, you might come back to me and say, wow, trolley, your hair looks good. So was my hair not good, like right now? Or, is it, has it become better or have we, so also think that, and we also, what do you call this? Drinking? The drinking the Kool-Aid. Swimming in the Kool-Aid. I can't remember.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I mean a hundred percent. That's actually, that's was another thing I was gonna say is that we also our own worst enemies because. I don't know. I'm sure you see it everywhere. Like we've been following, I know we both have been following a lot of like natural hair YouTubers or like influenzas and just learning more about, you know, our natural hair and things like that. But you also see the negativity out there towards natural hair. Like sometimes I feel like the biggest, um, negativity or the biggest criticism could come from other black women. When you're wearing your, your natural hair because they feel uncomfortable with, with the whole idea, or maybe they're projecting. I think a lot of times they're projecting their own insecurities onto you, and so we've seen that a lot in like. Uh, it's interesting because even now when with the ERA status posts, the whole natural hair movement, there's still a lot of influencers, um, like black influencers who are doing very successfully, who mostly just wear wigs. Never come much in their natural hair. And I'm like, would they actually feel as confident in their natural hair? And a lot of people have been like, no, most likely not. And the question is, why? So as like the black community, black diaspora, we have a long way to go in. It comes to accepting our hair, but not just our hair, just in general beauty standards because like. You're told you should be skinny. You know, you shouldn't have a big butt. Uh, you need to look like, you know, a certain way based off Western standards. But then like black people in general, it's obviously a generalization, but in general tend to be a little bit more car. Than Caucasians. And um, but then you feel like, oh no, you're not good enough because of how you look, which is interesting. And then also you're being told from the other side that, oh no, no, no. Yeah, you need to be skinny and stuff like that.'cause that's what happened. Um. Oh, to Angel Reese. I was trying to remember her name, Victoria, when she modeled in Victoria's Secrets show. She's a basketball player for those of you who don't know, a basketball player here in the us and honestly, she, she rocked that runway. She did great, but obviously she's not as. Skinny as a model, but in my head she looks good. Like she has abs. I dunno if she has abs, but I think she did. But anyways, she didn't have a stomach or anything like that. She has a, she has like a kind of big ass, nice ass and stuff like that. She looks very proportional

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

for like. Was killing it, you know, but she wasn't as skinny as a model would be, and she got so much hate online. And a lot of it was actually from, it was actually, it was a lot of it that was from Caucasian women,

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

uh, who were like, no, we should only, we only want models to come online. Um, and things like that, but it's like, but what was it about her that was triggering that? Because there were so many other models there who are much, much like she just looks regularized, like someone who is fit, takes care of her body and stuff like that. She looks great, but there were other models there who, I mean, all of them were taking care of their body just fy but there were other models there who would be considered plus size, who definitely do not face the. Standard of beautiful modeling, but they didn't criticize them. They're criticizing her.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Ooh. Yeah. Mm mm Yeah, that is, it's. Yeah. And, and I, I guess the question becomes, are they criticizing her because introducing a different standard uh, body size that is, she is fit as you say, but she's not skinny or has, you know, particular body type that people are used to as being models. Um, and also like there's. And I think sometimes there's this of like, this identity of like, okay, this skinny is good. Then if you're, bigger, then that's like either not good or like, we're gonna put you as, um, plus sized or all of like, Hmm. And this, like, we're, we're, it's almost like we're trying to put people in, in a silo. Like we're trying to silo people. Um, because even when I think about my fitness journey. Honestly, I didn't know what I was going for I started exercising. Like, I, I didn't know, like in my head,'cause I think sometimes when it's like, oh, I wanna lose a bit of weight I think certain images come up where you're like, I wanna be like this person. Um. Uh, and then you're thinking, oh, but I'm not getting to that place. Then it, for me, it dawned on me that like, no, my body shape and size and my genetics will play a role. And in fact, when I, like, for example, strength train, I gain muscle. It's very clear that I, I, I gain muscle. Like I don't necessarily like shrink, like I become bit more bigger, but fit. Um, and I've seen some influencers on Instagram that have similar body shapes where they, they just look bigger, but they're fit. And I'm like, Hmm, wait a minute. this is not the, this was not the plan, but my body's like, no, this is the plan. like, yes, you are working out fantastic, but this is, this is the, even, this is your body type when you're fit.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

What was in your mind? Like, if you don't mind, like what did you think you were gonna look like?

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Good question. I thought I was going to have like smaller thighs, for example. Um, uh, toned ums, like, uh, toned ums, just smaller ums in a way. And the thing about me is when I do strength train, uh, my legs get bigger.'cause like,'cause it's like muscle there and stuff like that. And then again, my arms do get bigger, like in a good way. Like, I mean, and I feel really good. I feel really, really strong and I feel powerful and all of that. But then it's like, oh, okay, I need to, yeah, that's the, that's the product of like strength training. Of course I could maybe do like some more cardio and stuff like that. I was surprised, like my body was just like, oh, this is how it's reacting to resistance training. And that's just how it's reacting naturally. Um, and so if I was like looking for a particular body, I would be so upset. Like, all I'm doing is I'm training and my body is responding in this other way. yeah, I had an image that if I strength trained I was gonna be this way. and then. I started following some YouTube fitness influencers and their body was like, like mine, I was like, oh wait, it's okay. It's fine. Like this is your, this is your fate to some degree. Like this is what your body is saying. Um, and these women are just so proud of it, and they're strong and they're big, and like they're, they're good. So.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

That's because they have accepted that what the beauty standard is for them, and they also have a healthy self-esteem.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Because the truth of the matter is, um, I was watching this YouTube video randomly. I don't remember how I came across it, but she was basically saying the beauty standards weren't made for none, for like people of color.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

The beauty standards were not made for us. So it, if you compare yourself, if you are guiding lights, if you are, if you're comparing yourself to those. Western beauty standards, you always feel ugly. You always feel like you're not it, that you're not like considered beautiful because you're comparing yourself to beauty standards that were meant to honestly put other people down. So I think like those people who you're saying, who are following, who are just like, I've accepted that, yeah, my legs might get bigger when I wait train. I'm not gonna look skinny or stuff like that. But I love it and I'm, I'm grateful for it. Are people who accept it that one, that that's their beauty standard and that they're, and that they are comfortable with the fact that they're not considered conventionally. Beautiful and there's a beau and these are such a beauty in being able to be like confident in yourself, irrespective of whether the world con considers you conventionally beauty or not beautiful or not because like, um, I don't remember her name, but the Zambian lawyer who. Went viral because, uh, people were like, oh, why is her nose so big?

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm-hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

is, uh, why does she look like that? Or she look up in her teeth, why is all that? And she was just like, when she came, her response was so beautiful and how she's like, no, I love myself the way I am.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm-hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

And it's like, this is who I am, this is how my parents made me, and I'm great. I'm perfect just the way I am. And that response, um, her going viral led her to being walking on, um, I don't know if it was New York fashion show, but she walked on some fashion show she got because people were like, yep, we are gonna get her. We're gonna, and look at her like it got her publicity'cause of her being very authentic and being like, Nope, I'm confident in myself. I might not be considered conventionally beautiful, but it doesn't make, uh, more beautiful.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Um,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

But that takes strength. I think it takes strength and it takes also someone who knows themselves, someone who loves themselves, and someone who's confident in themselves as well as has good self-esteem.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Absolutely. It does take a lot of strength. It takes a lot of strength because there's a lot in the world that just tries to reinforce

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm-hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

like when I think of like my, my, my jeans, like my jeans sizes or my trousers sizes. Like they're a double digit. And a part of me is like, oh, when I, before like a while back, I would be like, oh, I just wanna be a size four. And, and it's like, or something like that. Like, I would think like that and I'll be like, wait, but what does a size four mean? Like, why, why do I wanna be a size four? Like, um, like. Like, I, I guess I wasn't even thinking about that, but like, if you think about some of these things that where like in, sometimes I've gone to a store, like a clothing store, and then you find that they only have sizes up to like, I don't know, 12 or 14, and they, they're like, okay, if you need the animal sizes, go online. You know, like there's almost this, like the stoves can only keep stock of like sitting, sitting clothing. And they just like, even sometimes my, my size would be like, oh gosh, I have to go and buy it online'cause there's only size two and size four. And like, oh gosh, I have to go online. So there are these things of where like thinking about it, like I would curve it into this idea of like, oh, okay, yeah, I don't have my size. And it's just that thing of where like. Unconsciously, I'm telling myself, oh, you need to go back to the gym. That's why your size is not here. Like, you need to go back and like work out. So there are all these like little forces that just like that narrative of like, you are not fitting in. You're absolutely not fitting in. Like, do something about it. And I think that's, that's why it takes, it takes courage.'cause even just like showcasing your natural hair or I mean, wearing natural, natural hair and being proud of it. Because that's another, that's another statement without having people saying, oh, you know, when are you gonna get your hair done? you know, are you gonna do something with your hair? Especially if it's people from our own, you know, uh, culture, it's like, yeah, when are you gonna get your hair done? So, but they're also in the same boat because they're also experiencing those forces and feel like they need to perform. Um, it's exhausting. Zel. Not just saying, it's like it's so exhausting because to be a standard in a world where there's not a standard for you and to carry that mantle Hmm, that is a lot of work in a way because you're basically pushing against the forces that are for you. Um, and honestly you kind of think of like, why are people doing that? Like I've, you know, when we think about like, why are people following these

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm-hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

standards that have been set? maybe in a way it's like, if I don't follow them, then I won't be part of the group, then I won't be chosen, then I'll be alone and then nobody's gonna want like these thing. There's a narrative behind why people are going with it because. Yeah, like if it's the standard of beauty, I want to be liked, so I don't wanna be isolated. And the story goes on and on and on. And it's funny because we're now in a world where like there are a lot more people that are coming out in terms of like, uh, like, uh, like natural hair for example. But I remember like back in the day when I was growing up, skin lightening creams or whitening creams. There used to be a thing. Um,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

There's still a thing, joy.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

oh, there's still a thing.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm-hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Okay. okay. yeah, so things like that. Um, I think there, reason not why I am, I'm a bit a bit shocked is because from my end I'm seeing a lot more black people. media, like Vogue magazines, like all these international platforms and so I'm thinking, I hope that's helping to like say like,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

you know, you can be yourself.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I think they're helping. I think it's helping, but I, I definitely think also with like, you know, all these movements, we're becoming more like aware of ourselves and everything. I think it definitely is helping, but we still have a way to go.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Because they still, you can still have those things. I don't know. We, I know in Kenya there's like a dark and lovely, um, lightening cream. You had it. Yeah.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

yeah, yeah. So exactly that's, I, I don't remember it. I, I do remember. Well, sometimes it would be like going to the market and you'll be seeing this lady's faces. Lighter than her neck color or like her hands, and you're like, Hmm, is going on here? And of course, probably I didn't say anything because I was just being a child and just minding my own business. Um, but yeah. So I guess the question would be like, if we have a long way to go, what would you say is the thing that we can start doing? You know, like what would be something that we can start doing to sort of help push the narrative where we accepting ourselves and accepting our beauty.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I think one, understanding that the beauty standards were not created with everyone in mind

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm-hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

and. It's the, it's the same thing generally all over the world. And when you see who's the ruling class, who's not the rule, who's, um, the working class and stuff like that, if you're not smart enough, you don't realize that these people are just trying to run the world the way they want to. When there's wars fought, they always fought because someone is benefiting from it. It's usually not the people who are fighting though. Like the actual people on the ground. So you have to stop to think why were these beauty standards created in the first place? Where it meant was it meant to uplift people or to divide people? Most of the time these standards are meant, uh, built to divide people. So once you first get that straight, um, you know, getting that straight well and help you move forward because you actually realize, hmm, there's a problem with the standard. That's the first thing is understanding that now we know that one, it's a problem with the beauty standard two. Why is it sometimes is one of like, why is natural hair called natural or why is it it's not na, it's just, I mean, it's natural. True, but it's just your hair.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hair.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

just your, it is like you just, you just have to be you. So

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

are we labeling it so much? Where I think you just have to honestly accept yourself as is, and then that will help you help you move forward. And it's a tough one, and I, I think it's honestly something that a lot of times most people have to work on, um, every day in different capacities, because especially, and it also depends on where you are. If you're somewhere in the world where this is not, if like you're, you're in the majority and this is not an issue, it might not affect you, but if you, so in the western world. It could be an issue, particularly if you don't look like the standard and things like that. So it's just one accepting who you are as you are, and knowing that you are beautifully and wonderfully made. It's, it's easier to say than done, but practicing that every day is important, but that only comes with good self-esteem if you don't have good self-esteem. It doesn't matter. So we have to, like, that's something you have to work on is building good self-esteem.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm-hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

those, like, that definitely helps. Will, that will definitely help get improve, um, solve this issue I was trying to get to that, that definitely helps try and solve this issue. Um, other than that. But, I mean, I, I know it's, I know it's a hard one. It's, it's not an easy, it's not an easy fix because again you are going, you, you're going against the waves. You're, and whenever you have to go against the waves, it takes a lot of stamina, takes a lot of, you have to know who you are. You have to know yourself. It takes a lot of gr

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Yeah.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

You're being told left, right, and center. This is how it should be. But you're like, no, no, no, no, it should. It doesn't have to be like this. This is not how it should be. It was just put like that because someone said so, because it would benefit them.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's, that, that is true. And I think for me, the, the second thing to add to that would be the environment, because when you're trying to create a new standard, you can't, you can't do it alone. So, having a, having an environment that promotes that standard is essential. Um, and. That's why I decided to go to Healthy Hair Studio. If you guys, watch the video on Instagram, you can check it out. oh, discount code for me, uh, healthy Hair Studio was really great. I, I really wanted to go there because I wanted to see how they're going to handle my hair and how they're gonna treat it. And one thing I noticed from that experience was the methods they used were so simple, like the wash, the conditioning, um, the styling was absolutely simple. Like obviously the products that were used, uh, their proprietary products were really good. in terms of actually taking care of my hair, I realized, I was like, wait, it doesn't have to be that hard. Because I think we did another episode where last time we were talking about how like we're putting in avocado, eggs, honey, all these things custom, like we're doing, all these things we're mixing, we're blending. And I was just like, and then when there, and I remember the lady who was working with me, she said, you know, the most important thing that you're gonna get out of here is that you now know the texture, like how your hair should feel when it's healthy. Um, so just that should be your guiding light, like when you go home and your hair doesn't feel like the way it's feeling right now. There's either you have an added moisture oil or it needs a wash. And I was like, wait a minute. a simple standard of what our hair should look like or should feel like, and more importantly, feel like is, was like, oh. And I don't think anybody has ever said that to me in that way because I, I've been focused for a very long time on, uh, hairstyle. So like, it's like, oh, the hair, the hair, my hair is straightened. It looks cute. Oh, like my hair is braided. It looks cute, but nobody really says like, is your own hair, like, is your hair happy? Like, is it, it's in right state. And so that's. was a new standard for me to not think of the hairstyle, but to think of just the right, like how my hair should feel, like texture. And I think that it was such a lesson like, oh, okay. that's really, really good. And so I think there's like, we don't even know that we're over manipulating our hair, like we're just over manipulating it and we're not, we're not even thinking about it because we're trying to get. To a standard that, as you said, is not even for us. but then I thought to myself, I need to be part of this environment. I need to come back. So I'm coming back, but I need to be part of the environment where in this environment my hair is good. Like I, I don't have to, to shape shift or do something different to, to like be so yeah. That, that's another, that's another one. But then I'll add, but the nurturing part is very real. Like saying, like just nurturing and being like, oh, our hair is lovely. and just having to keep saying that in a way that is true because some people will argue that, well, it takes four hours to detangle my hair. So then it's like, okay. Uh,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

like what are you doing for four hours? Like what? I mean, granted, I can sit down and watch a lot of anime in four hours, but.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

but yes, but my point is that yeah, we can do that though. My point is that if your hair takes four hours, can, let's find a way to enjoy it. If it's four hours, um, like let's not try, try and show change. Maybe there's also that aspect that there's a lot of work. Um, and I don't wanna deal with it. But then we don't even incorporate that in our general day to day'cause our hair is covered up or, know, we just don't wanna deal with it or deal, with it.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Yeah. Yeah. That other one, like why, what are we dealing with? Why does it feel like we have to deal with the hair? It's our hair. We should just, I think we, it's part of the problem is we're overcomplicating things, so that's why we feel like we have to deal with it, but like it's just hair. Like we should simplify it as simply as possible and not think like that.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm. Yeah, I think that's, I think that's a good start. Like the, our language is not great.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Uh, that I, I agree with that. I definitely agree with that. But it takes like, you know, exposure therapy, you have to expose yourself to these things. I think for me, it's funny because I'm having like kind of reverse exposure therapy. I'm like, oh, this is a world I've missing out on.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

hmm. Yeah, yeah. it's, yeah. But you know, at some point we'll find a balance. The fact that we are in a, in a world where in there's information right now, there are products for us to use. Um, it's just a matter of like trying things out. and I wonder if it also doesn't help because like we also have different textures in our hair. Um, I, I,'cause I, I think our hair is so beautiful,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm-hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

but then text, like, my front is four A, my back is three C. like, I see how, just like how the, my hair responds to moist moisturizing products differently. So my hair in the front dries out faster than my hair in the back. Things like that. So there's also that thing of like, is there a single product just for my hair in general? So I think, I feel like we're discovering. Ourselves

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

there is, I think we like kind of over type out things. Like I just feel like, just simplify the process. It doesn't matter whether you have different type of hair on your head, it's all in the same head, so.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

So it's like the jeans already mixed.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Yeah, so I'm just like,

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

I get it. Yeah, I get it.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I just feel like we're overcomplicating things and I feel like that's the biggest issue, particularly when it comes to hair in the black community. I think we just overcomplicate things.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

It's that it doesn't help, even when it comes to, yeah. Anyways. No, I'll let you continue the, I'll speak

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

no, that's, that's, you know, when you said the labor thing, I actually thought about how we say things like wash hair day.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

hair washed.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

And I'm like,

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Mm-hmm.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

hair. Sorry. Yes. Hair wash. You see hair wash day? I was like, thought about it. I was like, what is hair wash day? You should just wash your hair you, the hair needs washing. Right? Like,'cause I, it's, it's those things that I think saying that because we're trying to, I don't know. Um. Understand or get ready for.'cause to me, when I think of hair wash days, it's like if someone came and said, oh, we're doing surgery on Saturday. You know, like some big deal. Like, it's like there's gonna be so much effort, you know, when it's more of like, yeah, just wash your hair when it's ready to be washed. And maybe that's what you're talking about. There's almost this, we have to get ready for this. To handle this big problem, this big challenge. Um, I don't know. That's, that's what I thought about anyway. Yeah.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Yeah, I agree. I, I definitely agree with that. It's like we have, we've put, uh, we erected a mountain in front of us that doesn't need to be there. We need to pull the mountain down and that will make our lives easier. But I think the only other thing I'd like to say about, um, beauty standards

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Hmm.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

I think part of it's very important to, to part of you getting healthy self-esteem and all that is actually working on your health and your, I guess. Your beauty yourself in the sense that, are you doing your part? Like when it comes to your body, are you working out eating healthy, ensuring that you have a healthy body? Are you having good hygiene practices, cleaning your hair? Um. Cleaning your skin and all that stuff. I think that is, that also pays a part in you feeling confident in yourself. If you don't do those basic things, I don't think you'll ever get the confidence to like, say like, yeah, I'm the beauty standard.'cause no, you're gonna see, you're only gonna see your beauty standard if you feel like. You are good where you're at. So I think that's just important to realize that we also have to do that. Everyone has to do work on their part.

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point. So it's all, it starts internally in in, yeah. Yeah. Good one. No, that's good.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

Yep. But I mean, yeah, beauty standards is a thing. It's, uh, it can be a very annoying thing, particularly if you feel like you are on the quote unquote, wrong side of the standard,

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Yeah.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

as you

choolwe--she-_1_11-08-2025_231257

Yeah.

beauty-standards_1_11-08-2025_181256

said. Uh, but it's, it's interesting. It's something we just have to navigate in life. It's like, um, but we have come to the end of today's episode. I hope you guys enjoyed just a little chitchat on beauty standards. Let us know how. You know, beauty standards have affected you wherever you are. Just a quick reminder, we are on all major podcast platforms, including Apple, Google, YouTube, Spotify. You can listen to us there. You can watch us on YouTube. If you wanna reach out to us via email, you can reach us to reach out to us via the family@gmail.com. We aim, we are striving to do at least two episodes per month, so at least every other. Week is what our goal is. So definitely subscribe, um, on YouTube, click the notification button so you can get a notification when we post a video. But other than that, I hope you guys have a great rest of your day. Great rest of your week. Until next time, have fun, live large, and don't be afraid to be an outlier. Thank you.