Mature Mischief podcast
Greetings, Gremlyns!
Join us on the Mature Mischief podcast with your Host Jesse James and Co-Host Dee Dee.
Embark on a journey filled with mishaps, awkward moments, and adulting wins. Prepare to laugh, cringe, and nod along with every episode!
Ready to embrace the chaos of adulting and find solace in shared experiences? Let the Mature Mischief Podcast guide you through the ups and downs of life.
Don't miss out on the genuine hilarity that comes with being a grown-up. We'll show you how to turn mundane moments into comedic gold!
Mature Mischief Podcast: Because growing up may be tough, but finding humor in it is always a joy! Tune in now!
Mature Mischief podcast
Social Pressures, and Anxiety
What happens when anxiety sneaks into your nights, turning sleep into a battleground? Join us on the Mature Mischief Podcast, where we mix humor with serious discussions about the complex relationship between anxiety and sleep. We kick off with our favorite beverage banter before sharing personal tales about how anxiety has messed with our dreams. Tune in for some laughs, practical tips like breathing exercises, and an honest conversation about the challenges adults face when anxiety comes knocking at bedtime.
Relationships, relocations, and the rollercoaster of personal growth take center stage as we dive into overcoming anxiety and panic attacks. We open up about the transformative power of mutual support, accountability, and living in the present, drawing a laugh or two from Kung Fu Panda's Master Oogway. From the chaos of stress-induced sleep paralysis to the soothing escape found in music's bass, we navigate the highs and lows with humor and heart. As we sign off, there's a touch of gratitude and a reminder to spread love, leaving you with a smile and something to think about.
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Breather break
What's up, gremlins? Welcome back to another podcast. My name is Jesse James. I hope everyone is doing it and doing it Well, you know the drift heel. This is the mature mischief podcast.
Speaker 2:And there it is.
Speaker 1:On a Pepsi. It's time for Dr Pepper.
Speaker 2:Blackberry.
Speaker 1:Diet.
Speaker 2:I mean whatever with the diet, but is it good?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's okay, I want to taste it.
Speaker 2:Well, no, because I don't want to, if I have anything left, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't want you to give me your cooties.
Speaker 2:I don't want to give you my amoebas.
Speaker 1:Na na na na na Na na. Did you really? Yeah, the whole video was awesome he's never seen it before no, not at all. Wow what?
Speaker 2:a lame-o.
Speaker 1:Uh, yeah, okay you heard that javier a loser um like listen, wait for your next tattoo, I know and he's gonna be like but, but, but, but, but why? Too late, it's permanent I know it, you know it, the whole world fucking knows it. I like saying my name twice. I am your host, jesse james and I am your co-host. Dd, dd d what it do. Sister Dee, Finally better.
Speaker 2:Stop yes.
Speaker 1:Why Stop what Stop?
Speaker 2:that, what yes?
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:Because, because, can you hear it really loud here?
Speaker 1:Can you really I can, I can Really yeah.
Speaker 2:I know y'all can hear it. I don't know I know they can Do it. See, don't know, I know they can do it see.
Speaker 1:Okay, put my pen down, then fucking a you didn't put it down, you threw it down and we have a guest here. He's not gonna be on the podcast, though, but sitting in the background like a big back bitch that's such a nice way to treat our guests.
Speaker 2:It's boo thing.
Speaker 1:Of course I love boo thing, boo thing, boo thing, boo thing, boo day, boo day. So today's topic is sleep and anxiety, because you know, us adults like sleep and we have a shit ton of anxiety I was gonna say we don't like anxiety. No, we don't. Anxiety is like an equivalent to somebody who has too much coffee and don't know which way it is up anymore these days. Tell me I'm wrong. You've never seen somebody so caffeinated, and they're just like you're just like whoa slow.
Speaker 2:You, but you don't need the caffeine. Yes, I do so.
Speaker 1:Yes, Be happy. I don't drink a whole lot of coffee.
Speaker 2:I am actually. I am Because we don't need.
Speaker 1:You're at a 10 already dude, we don't need you at a 16. Look look or a 20. Look look.
Speaker 2:You're at a 10 all the time. I need you at a two.
Speaker 1:Look, it was better than a fart, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying.
Speaker 1:It killed me, it killed me.
Speaker 2:I agree to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay Cool, because man, we'd be dead.
Speaker 2:Your blue thing would be dead.
Speaker 1:He's behind you, he would be dead, he would dead. Your blue thing would be dead. He's behind you. He would be dead, he would be dead. So I was literally um writing a paper on, uh, sleep and anxiety, because it's something that we have to give advice to, and I talked about the certain perks of, you know, sleeping and trying to help with your anxiety right before bed, because you know, everyone has a lot on their mind and pretty much how you can kind of deal with it. Uh, it was just, um, it was an interesting piece because I did get somewhat kudos with it because I had a lot of choices on there, but they wanted to kind of break it down to like one thing and make it into two paragraphs.
Speaker 1:So like one aspect of correct sleep and anxiety correct, well, the sleep that leads into anxiety, how to wind it down before bed.
Speaker 1:Oh so, kind of like, kind of like those so you could do one paragraph on the sleep, one paragraph on the anxiety, just as long as they link yeah, gotta figure it out somehow, um, but yeah, that's due next tuesday, so that should be fun, yeah, so I mean, kind of the thing is is like anxiety. We already know the symptoms. Anxiety it's kind of like the heavy breathing, the body tension, the uh feeling and clothes feeling, pretty much everything that you're kind of feeling. That's what anxiety kind of feels.
Speaker 1:It feels very hyperventilating, if you will like you the hyperventilation is more like anxiety attack, because oh, my god, oh, but it's those suck because you, because you freak out dude like something's hella wrong oh, no shit, like like calm down, calm down.
Speaker 1:I said come down, um, but it's kind of hard, because when you're telling somebody to calm down a lot and it's like it doesn't do anybody justice, right, like I mean, it's kind of like you need to kind of coach them a bit, like, okay, I need you to breathe through your nose, out your mouth, keep doing that. And then it starts to like, okay, cool, and they're trying to. I'm like, okay, we need to get that, brother. I was like does anybody got a brown paper bag?
Speaker 2:no, because who the hell carries around brown paper bags? I?
Speaker 1:don't know shit. I mean hb used to back in the day someone give me a brown paper bag. I remember nobody has a paper bag anymore no, I remember it was so bad that I actually had to go buy brown paper bag at hb, the brown bag special. Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:And then you had to use it for your lunch the next day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what you call anxiety lunch, because the screams are still in there.
Speaker 1:An anxious lunch an anxious lunch, but you know, it's kind of hard though, because I remember like my anxiety was so bad, um, that I, I just couldn't, I just couldn't it was. It led to like anxiety, then it led to my epilepsy and it kind of led to a whole lot of things that came with it, including like depression and all of that other stuff which we've talked about here before on the thing. But the main thing is, like, you know, what did I do? To like kind of break it down a bit, to kind of like get get away from all of that, right, you know, so the main thing that I did for me was to get away from all of that, was to kind of shut down my mind a bit, you know, because I was always so worried about the future, trying to push myself. I wasn't, I didn't feel like I was going anywhere, right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like it was hard Then I lived with my mom. Then my anxiety raised. Man, when you're living with your parents until, like you're an older age, it's hard, like it really really is hard and yeah, I'm not who you telling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's um, it's interesting because I see big difference. Because when I moved out, by the time I was 24, the anxiety, everything kind of subsided a bit, a little bit. Then it didn't help because I was with my ex-girlfriend at the time. I was still closeted in there, trying to still find my way. Um, it was, it was kind of hard because I couldn't juggle everything. You know what I mean. Yeah, I was trying to find, like, different outlets.
Speaker 1:I was using sex as a main outlet for myself and I was having a lot of sex, you know so well, it was a lot of anxiety, hello hell yeah, and it's funny because I wouldn't know what, like how bad it was be, because if I went days without it, my anxiety would intensify, so would my depression, because I would you were using something to mask it not to heal it?
Speaker 1:no, I get it I had my legs up in the air, face down, ass up. I'm just like I was. I was. The biggest. Bottom at the time was I was getting plowed left and right. Man Damn, they were like if they were shoveling snow. They were plowing it out. But I did wear a lot of protection because I didn't know anything about STDs or STIs, as educated as I was back then, as I am now. So I was really really scared about all of that too. So I had drawers full of condoms.
Speaker 2:I believe it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a drawer full of condoms and lubrication.
Speaker 2:Drawers for the whore.
Speaker 1:I was that Astroglide bitch because that's all I could afford back then. I every fucking young person has motherfucking astroglide in their motherfucking sock drawer right now and now you've upgraded I did to elbow grease to butter boy, to fuck water. And there's, you know what? I'd prefer a good water lubricant. But we'll talk about that later, because that's for another.
Speaker 2:That's another episode. Oh, I'm missing. That's for your other podcast can you imagine it doesn't apply here.
Speaker 1:No, it doesn't, but but uh, the main thing was that I was always prepared to be able to do something because I found an outlet. I was using a lot of the social media apps and everything. At that time I think it was still Grindr. If I'm not mistaken, they also had Adam for an Adam and whatnot. But that was my coping mechanism. I didn't know this thing about no vision board or trying to like manifest in prayer, and I was so lost in my own religious I couldn't find a way or a good outlet to be able to find something. So I used sex a lot because it was pleasurable. I forgot my woes, but your woes never go away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was going to say because it distracted you and it got your mind off of your temporary issues.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Your issues temporarily.
Speaker 1:Whatever I mean, it worked. It worked. Whatever it was, it was a temporary fix, it was a nice little band-aid to put over it, mm-hmm. And now I'm just having sex, just to have sex, just to have fun, because my drive is just a little wee bit high just a little bit um but I think heathen lies first of all. Heathen lies never, never, I swear I'm not a whore um biggest lie ever told on this podcast, you.
Speaker 2:You, you are such a lying whore.
Speaker 1:I didn't say it was the same leaf, I just said I turned it over.
Speaker 2:To start fresh.
Speaker 1:No, it's just the same dirty one. I'm just using it constantly.
Speaker 2:I forget to change it. Ew, wash your shit, it's gross, it's already got worms and maggots. That's so nasty.
Speaker 1:False hoods, false memories.
Speaker 2:No sir.
Speaker 1:I just keep turning it. Just keep wiping it off clean, blowing the dust bunnies yeah, I'm just.
Speaker 2:Gross.
Speaker 1:You think it's the same when I get off in the fucking tree? No, I just Wash your shit, sir. I mean I do wash my ass. I mean I do wash my ass. I mean I do wash my own ass. I wipe my own ass, but here's my goodness. Mamou.
Speaker 2:My goodness, the drama queen speaks.
Speaker 1:I know he does. But anywho, I think the main thing is is that we, for me, for this, uh, for this anxiety, what I had to deal with and what I had to do, I had to find I had to write a lot of stuff down. So a lot of the poetry came involved, a lot of the healing, meeting my husband, all of that stuff, getting the psychiatry, all of that kind of pretty much helped me out. Now I only did therapy for only six months because it was free for six months, nice. Um, after that they wanted me to go continue and start on antidepressants. Um, yeah, no, I, I've always said no to antidepressants and I I was a firm believer on notes I said it turns people into zombies.
Speaker 1:Man, yeah, but even then I was just like, look, if I'm gonna like, you know myself, I I will if I have to. But I, I think anybody, and anybody who hears this podcast and says that by time they hit to the age of 30, they would want to. You know, whatever, and that was my I wasn't the only one thinking that too. Either. I, I had everybody, had everybody who was like, if I wasn't successful, by time that age I was 30.
Speaker 2:I think I would just the first time I heard somebody personally like say that within a conversation. I'm like why would you even think that?
Speaker 1:But he was like adamant.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was adamant. I'm like, are you okay?
Speaker 1:I think we know what they're talking about, because I think the same person said the same thing when we went to go to that party. Or is it a different one? It's a different person.
Speaker 2:Okay, cool, so you know somebody related to them, but you know of them yeah okay, you never actually officially met them.
Speaker 1:So it was that thing, that it's not the first time I've heard it. You know what I mean. They're like everybody puts their time. Why is the time stamp for 30?
Speaker 2:I have no freaking earthly idea because 30 is ancient for them uh no, I think everyone has that accomplishment.
Speaker 1:For a lot of people who have accomplished by time, the age of 30 and they've grown already to have, it's really weird yeah, it's so weird. Why 30? I don't know, because for me it was 30, I think it was. The reason it was is because I haven't accomplished a whole lot. I think I was still trying to figure out what the whole thing with that wrestling bullshit. Um, I was doing multiple, I was doing a podcast with jamie. They didn't go it that's crazy.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's because I'm older, but that's that's just crazy to me, because I'm just like for those people that don't accomplish much by the time they're 30, like you're not giving yourself the the full extent of your life no, even try. Sometimes shit doesn't work out in the time frame that you particularly you know what it is.
Speaker 1:You know what it is. Is social media? It's social media. It's, uh, artists, people and influencers who become something. You're you're competing against everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're comparing yourself to the rest of the world. It's kind of hard world.
Speaker 1:It's kind of hard not to. It's kind of hard not to.
Speaker 2:It's there I get it, but it's Not to that extent though.
Speaker 1:Oh no.
Speaker 2:Not to call a time, not to call Whatchamacallit An end to your life, man.
Speaker 1:I don't know, it's a little weird. It's a little weird, it's a bit dark. It really is A bit A wee bit lad, Just a wee bit laddy. But I get it because I did the same thing too. Right, that was my vision board for me was to do X, Y and Z and do all of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's when I met Ryan. I met Ryan when I was 28. I think he was 25. And we met each other. I had two years left to contemplate what I wanted in life oh my God Right. So like this is the true story. This is like a true story.
Speaker 2:I'm not laughing at the story.
Speaker 1:I know it's not, but I'm just like it's a true story. But it's hard because you fall in love with somebody who you love and you 28 rolls around and now 29. And then now you have your big grand 30 and you're doing something. I literally what's?
Speaker 2:contemplating. You're like just kidding. Yeah, this is nice, this is yeah, I had.
Speaker 1:I had met someone who was fucking amazing and made me rethink my life and, um, it was. It was an interesting take. That's when I started doing the physical I mean physical therapy I was doing, um, I was seeing a psychologist, you trying to get everything situated. They kind of helped me guide myself through and how, what I was feeling and all that stuff. And I remember them just like, okay, look, you're very smart, you already know and you have everything at the tip of books. You were already reading books and trying to like do that. I was reading the book called the, the secret that was helping me out, which we've talked about in the last podcast. A few podcasts ago, um, I was putting vision boards on my board and everything, but I was still dealing with my dark past. I wouldn't say it's dark, it's just I was dealing with your past, my past the weight of your past.
Speaker 1:Yeah so, as I was trying to get over it and everything. And I think what made it even more better for me is when I moved up to San Antonio, because I was away from all of that. I was no longer close, I was no longer doing the things that my mom wanted me to do, I wasn't doing things for my family, I wasn't going anywhere, I wasn't trying to travel. I needed to get away from all of that and that was the best thing ever.
Speaker 2:Felt yes Because it was.
Speaker 1:But it's true though, because people say that when the parent, when kids, move away from their parents, there's reasons why people do it, and sometimes in those reasons don't need to be reasons because they either find their their job finally, and that's where they want to go, and they can have money to funds or whatnot or whatever, which is pretty much fine. I get that. For me it was to be able to get away, but even here I was still dealing with the depression.
Speaker 2:Like the aftermath, the aftermath.
Speaker 1:But the anxiety was gone. The anxiety was gone, the epilepsy was still there, the depression was still there. Now it was time for me to rediscover myself again and kind of go through the whole process. I did go through the whole process. I went to sex parties, I went to, uh, bath houses, I went everywhere, but still, yeah, and to still find something to help crave my oomph of it all. And I met, I met a lot of great people and whatnot, and then those people started to turn. I'm just like man, I can't. I came all the way this here just to fucking.
Speaker 1:You know, deal with more shit more shit or the same shit but if I didn't get to know those bullshit, I wouldn't be the person who I am today, because I learned a lot and I saw a lot, which is fine. Then you moved up here and helped me out even more, because I started getting into like very spiritual try to find my way, trying to find everything, trying to be able to do all of that too as well. So in reality I I fought this and I just said I don't know what came over me. I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was because I finally honed in my skills, my my everything, just to go for what?
Speaker 1:Why am I depressed? Because I didn't accomplish everything. I had to take a step back and I'm like dude, dude, I have everything. I have a roof over my head, I have my husband, I have my dogs. Yes, money is crazy. I get it. That's probably everybody. But you get to get what you want. I get to get what I want. You know what I mean and things are happening and I'm being more mindful in what I'm doing now, you know.
Speaker 2:Yes, my health is going to deteriorate, and that was the whole point was for you to be mindful and grateful of what you already have and have accomplished, and it's sufficient.
Speaker 1:And if it wasn't for the ex, my third, my last ex-third, if it wasn't from him, I would have had not get to know me through him, because I was seeing a lot of myself through him. And I hated that.
Speaker 2:I was going to say. That's why you felt the way you felt about him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I hated that feeling because it made me think, oh was I really that, sir, is called a karmic relationship, oh fuck you no, no, it is, but that's their purpose.
Speaker 2:Their purpose is for you to learn a hard lesson, which kind of sucks.
Speaker 1:But it was a four year long hard lesson because, let me tell you something, it made me realize how I was treating my own husband wrongly and how I felt and whatnot, and it backed me in a corner. And it backed me in a corner hard to figure out what it was. And it made me realize, even after the breakup was. I even told my husband I was like we need to figure out our relationship and where we stand as where we're at now, because this third partnership has opened my eyes tremendously. Through my anxiety, through my depression, all of that and whatnot. It fucking opened me up more than my hole has ever been opened up before. My life took a fist fist. I could barely do that. That's awesome, great analogy, right? Yeah?
Speaker 2:because it's usually like, oh, life fucks me.
Speaker 1:And it's like, oh no, life fisted me, no, what life fisted me so hard, I screamed the safe word every single time and they're like fuck you, we don't got no safe word life's like there is no safe word there is no safe word for life, saying like that's karmic relationships suck, but they're the ones that are meant to make you grow the most make you which is why they suck no, you know what they do suck, but they're very eye-opening. Yeah, I will say they're the most eye-opening.
Speaker 1:That's the point of them, yeah yeah, because they're meant to make you become the person that you're meant to become for the next step, the next chapter, the next whatever, and you wouldn't have got there had you not gone through that karmic relationship no, but you know what I'm glad I did and I'm glad I got to experience all of that, because I wouldn't be where I'm at today and how I feel now about it, and it's um, it's a great feeling. It's, it's really it's a great feeling. It's also a blessing in disguise. Um, do I regret the relationship I had? No, I don't, because it helped me grow. I know we had a lot of differences in it. I know we had a lot of differences in it. I know we fought a lot. I know there was arguments I know the point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it helped me understand and just be like I think this is where it kind of just stopped, because I can't they have an expiration date.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't. I can't.
Speaker 1:The only silver lining no you can't continue to fight yourself. That's what it was.
Speaker 2:It was fighting myself yeah, because, yeah, they reflect in you what you need to heal they live it, and you know that's why you would get so pissed off.
Speaker 1:That's why you're just like, because if it wasn't for that relationship, I still probably would have a lot of anxiety. But if it also wasn't for you as well, because I said this for you helping me out and listening to what I was going through and everything that I went through, I I I wouldn't know what to do with myself because it was hard, like it was like man. I get what ryan is saying.
Speaker 1:It's hard because we live up here and we don't have the friends that we need a support system right I was just blessed to even have you remotely to come up here, because you know it just worked in our favor you know we do have other friends. I got boo thing who's here with us right now listening to the conversation. You know I would love to have him more here more often so we can go out, have fun, have a good time. But he's made his pack back in corpus too as well. And then he also has his wife and he has his kids too as well.
Speaker 1:So even if it was where they were older, whatnot they come to move up. Oh my god, fuck. Yeah, dude, come on, we're like, well, we'll get you fucking settled in, or whatnot. But it also helped me understand my true friends when I had moved away, because even then I don't even know if they listen to the podcast or not and they do. I know one of them's, one of their wives, listens to the podcasts because she's told me. So I'm cool with it, because I can fucking be cool like cordial and whatnot or whatever. But here's the thing I got to know my friends, true colors. You know what I mean. Yeah, we didn't hang out a whole lot, but I remember we were talking about it. It was you get to, you grow up with your friends for a very long period of time right.
Speaker 1:And then you get to know them through your childhood until you become your adult, and then everyone tends to venture out. Yeah, but it was the convenience of everybody. I was the first one to have my own vehicle, so I was picking up everybody, paying for the gas, doing everything. Bitch, I was three friends, you're just one and it was a convenience because you were just right down the street. Again, it becomes more convenience because me and hubby are trying to find a place. We're trying to stay in vicinity with all our friends here because, yeah, if I move downtown I gotta move 30 minutes this way and 30 minutes back that way, which is not a problem, but the cost of living that way that is crazy, though, how it did play out right you're right exactly it's like I just moved here with my aunt, so wherever she lived, that's where I was gonna live.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and it just so happened to be like 10 15 minutes away from you which is fucking awesome, I know.
Speaker 1:But now I'm not gonna complain about 30 minutes picking you up, because I mean it's not that far. I'm just going to pick you up at a later time because fuck traffic.
Speaker 2:Especially here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, literally that, with all the fucking construction work going on, that shit. Well, but so, as I'm saying, because I'm trying to get to the point where, like the whole sleep thing and everything, is that I'm able to make a vision board for myself and what I mean is that I got to pick 20 different things for myself on this vision board. Okay, right, and a vision board doesn't mean you can go buy a board out fucking walmart. You don't need to spend money on this board, you can literally use your fucking wall right and you can use your phone.
Speaker 2:You can use your phone, you can do everything something that reminds you of something.
Speaker 1:So this is what I did here's, here's my logic. I think I picked 10 things that are going to be very complicated to achieve, and this is just my opinion on those ones that I picked. It was going to be buying a house, having a hundred thousand dollars in my pocket, something that I can actually have. That was a and accomplishment. Um, to get my cars paid off, to be out of debt, to at least try to accomplish some type of weight uh loss that I'm able to, you know, get me, get that in my health.
Speaker 1:The most easiest ones. I know that's not 10, but there's. Those are just kind of a few off from the top of my head. The most easiest one was get organized at the apartment, clean up, cook a little bit more, spend time with my dogs, try to work from home, which I fucking finally did. But those small things, those small accomplishments, were feeling good because I completed that. Yeah, I was able to clean up the house, I was able to get rid of a lot of shit and I'm just like man, I don't need Every time you come over smaller and smaller piles are coming through.
Speaker 2:I forgot the canvases, by the way, when I worked last. Uh, my slt also gave me five canvases I want to say they're the same size as the ones that perfect.
Speaker 1:So I know I saw the canvas is like fucking dd did not take them yeah so now I have two stacks there you go, so it works.
Speaker 1:So it's um. It's crazy though, because I see things how it all plans out in my head, but I can visualize when things are going to happen greatly and where it becomes. And it's crazy because I haven't posted or pushed it or promoted the podcast as hard as I should, but it's picking up traction. You know what I mean. People are sharing. I see Styler who's sharing it. I see blue thing who's sharing it. You know, go and listen to the podcast. And it's great though, because I, like I said before in the last podcast, I will help you out with your shit. I will give you an opportunity to do what you need to do, but if those opportunities that I've you were not going to do for me, and I give you that chance to like hey, go check out my best friends podcast, it's this and this, and that it might benefit you.
Speaker 1:He gives out really good feedback and whatnot. I think you will like it. His best friend is great. You know what I mean. That is great if it's somebody who's just like oh yeah, I'm working on this project. Can you, you know like, can you take a look and see what you think and maybe talk about it? Yeah, sure, but if I talk about it, share it. But if I got to talk about it and you don't share it, don't be douche. Don't be a douche like. It's hard, though, because it's even when I'm having guests on the podcast. That's going to be the main thing is like okay, great, you can come on the podcast, but if you don't share the podcast, I'm booting the episode off, because I'm not going to have time for you as a person to come onto the podcast.
Speaker 2:To put your stuff out there.
Speaker 1:Put your stuff out there, benefit you and then not do anything for us Because we're not charging you to do it, we're wanting to do it just.
Speaker 2:You're lending the platform.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. If you're not going to do it, don't do it. We're wanting to do it. Just, you're like you're lending the platform, exactly so. If you're not going to do it, don't do it at all. But anywho, um, that's why I I did this because I wanted to sleep better. I didn't want my mind to race for the what ifs dead eyes, how come, or you know what? Not. I think it's funny because I did put this in my paperwork and hopefully I can remember it's. But master uguay from fucking kung fu panda right, yesterday was, yesterday was a history. Uh, tomorrow is the future. That's why today is called a gift, because it's the present right. So it was kind of one of those things. I was just like that makes so much fucking sense.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:But my past was my past and I got to learn and I got to learn. It was a great learning experience for that. And now that those days, those bad days that I have or those fucked up days I have, it's over. I can't change those bad days, no matter what, even if it's at work. I can't change those bad days. But you know what I did do. I worked, I put in the hours, I put in the effort all the way until the end of my shift. And that is fine, because I'm going to get a paycheck at the end of the week, at the end of the time that I get my check. It's because I put in the efforts to do that. That's for me.
Speaker 1:And this is no different than the podcast. I'm no longer anxious about anything If I'm not putting the efforts in it. Apparently I don't want it as bad. You know what I mean. And it's just like there are steps to all of this For school. I'm learning, I'm putting I'm putting much more focus on my schooling than I am with anything else because I'm learning. I get to talk on this podcast now and I got shit I gotta talk about. You know what I mean. Like, hey, this is fucking awesome, you know what I mean like I don't need to work.
Speaker 1:It's gonna benefit you yeah, and my dreams have been amazing. My dreams have been amazing. I have I've been able to dream and talk with entities, ancestries, along with that stuff, and get a good conversation in which feels like a lifetime. In your dreams it's only six hours, but I don't think about oh man, if I don't get. I know you do. I know you need your sleep, because if you don't get an X amount of sleep, then you have your sleep. Where else is For me? I don't see time as, oh, I need to be in bed by 1, so if I'm up by 10, I'm going to do it. I have my alarm set at 10.30, even for school. If I'm up at 10.30, I get to do what I need to do within that time frame meditate, do whatever which I need to probably do more efficient, because I'm not as good as I want to be.
Speaker 2:I get to do all of these things every single day.
Speaker 1:If I don't get to it, I have no one else to blame but myself, right? Who else? I can't point the finger at you. I can't point the finger at this person.
Speaker 2:I'm going to point it right back. It was not me, that's all you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can point the middle finger all you want. That's fine, yep, but you know it's. It's. One of those things is that it's it's fun. I enjoy doing this podcast with you. It's, it brings light, it brings uh flavor to it and it's just like it's two people talking. It really does, but I noticed that it's like anytime I talk, you're like very quiet, you're like yeah, yeah and you start answering I'm taking it all in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you are.
Speaker 1:It's just like because it's it's interesting to actually see on there, right, I don't know. Have you ever had dealt with anxiety already? I don't. I know you've yeah have your own stuff and whatnot yeah, I have.
Speaker 2:Um, I think I've never experienced an anxiety attack. I've experienced a panic attack and I remember the first time that happened to me, I lost my shit. Dude, I lost my shit. I remember me and James were eating dinner, we're watching something and we're sharing this big old glass of Dr Pepper, and I don't know what we were talking. And we were talking about the stuff that was going on in the wrestling organization, and you already know how I feel about it. So I was, you know, but I wasn't being passionate about it. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:I was just like no, because I was already over it but, I remember I had grabbed the cup and I was mid-sentence, I was going to take a drink and then put it down, then continue my sentence and I just stopped and it was like this close to my mouth and I just freaked out. I just looked at him. He's like what? And I'm just like I don't know. And he's just like what do you mean? You don't know. I was like I don't know, like, and he's like what do you mean? I don't know? Like. I couldn't stop saying I don't know because I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I just remember, okay, I need to put the glass down because I don't feel the glass like I don't feel my hands you know shit yeah, and he was like what do you mean?
Speaker 2:I was like I don't know, like I was like I'm freaking out, I'm freaking out and he's like what? Of course he's freaking out because I'm not giving him anything. So like he stood me up, he's like what's wrong? And I'm just like I don't know. Like that guy kept on with like I don't know, I don't know, and I told him I can't feel anything. He's like what do you mean, dude? Like that's not going on, just like I don't know how to explain this. Dude, like I I was freaking out, I felt numb and I kind of felt like I was floating at the same time and I'm just like something is not right and I could. I started like freaking, hyperventilating, like something's wrong or whatever, but supposedly they're just like oh, dude, you had a panic attack. I'm like why? Like there wasn't anything, but I think maybe it was just um, subconsciously it was. It was eating at me because, like I said, you know how I felt right, and james is the only one who knew to like what extent?
Speaker 1:because I was just like that's that anxiety and that panic, because we worry about the ones that are around us that we have no control over, and when you try to get control and you try to confront the person that's doing these things or whatnot, it was just like eh, and I'm like you know what?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's very hard because it's the same way with like work, with jobs, like when you're trying to do it and you're just like, oh, dude, it's just stop, like stop. Already it becomes very hard in that those hyperventilating, the body numbness, the tingling throughout your entire body. That's the body numbness, the tingling throughout your entire body that's you literally talking, and for whatever reason your breath, just like your body, yeah, like your breath just stops, like it.
Speaker 2:It forgot to breathe for a moment. Yo, you need to pause because we can't take this no more.
Speaker 1:We can't do this anymore, like you need to like roll your shit back a bit uh the only one.
Speaker 2:The only thing I can't explain is the sleep paralysis. Like I, I can try to assume that maybe I started having that in the relationship that I was in at the time because it was ridiculous. I don't blame you.
Speaker 1:It's like holy shit.
Speaker 2:Stupid, ridiculous. Oh, my spitting. But that's when it started and I was getting like six to eight episodes every morning, back to back to back to back. And it was the most terrifying thing ever because I stress level, I don't know what.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shit no joke.
Speaker 2:Now I'm at a point where I just had one. Um, what did I say like the week before last? I think I told you yeah but because I've had them for 24 years, I I get to a point where I start to feel it kick in and I get so annoyed and frustrated I'm just like whatever, and I will literally go back to black, so I won't experience this paralysis anymore.
Speaker 2:But for whatever reason this last one I was trying so hard to kick out of it, which I usually do, and nothing was working and I'm like why am I bothering kicking out? I have not tried to kick out in years, because what before? I usually go back to black like why do I? But it was like my body was on autopilot, it was insisting like no, kick out.
Speaker 1:Like for what? For what? Because your body's already used to it.
Speaker 2:We've been doing this for two decades, bro, like there's no point same, even when I've.
Speaker 1:When I say I'm done with anxiety and I haven't, and I do have a sense of anxiety coming through and I don't realize it and I'm just like why am I fucking anxious, Like we have no reason to be anxious? You know what I mean and people are like maybe you're just stressed.
Speaker 2:I was like like telling your body why are we not functioning properly?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like why are we stressed? Like why does it in my what is it? And my friend's like I don't know, what are you stressed about? If I fucking knew I'd tell you. You know, even when hubby tells me he goes, are you under stress. I was like I don't know. You fucking tell my body 24-7.
Speaker 2:Why would you ask 24-7.
Speaker 1:I mean, of course I'm fucking stressed dude, like money's becoming tight, it's like damn you know. But that's the thing, like even with stress levels. I'm trying to find an outlet too. I did the vape. That didn't work out, so well, that was funny.
Speaker 2:How many did you chunk?
Speaker 1:Three, $17.32. Damn, but I was trying to find an outlet, trying to do it and then when you showed me your skull, candy headphones and the bass on it, I was like, dude, this is just tickling my funny brain it's therapeutic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, um, do I get to listen to it as much as I can? Yeah, I think I did wednesday. I just fucking put them on and just like, oh dude, I fucking needed this so bad. It's hard because I want to get into it, but when you have like somebody that's trying to talk to you, you have it like on your shoulders and you're trying to talk to them. You're just like bitch, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to, I'm trying to drown you out, like really quickly, like I'm trying to get into my routine, and I think ryan had thought that he was just like okay, I'll let you get back to your music. Thank you. That's all I'm hearing in my head. I'm like, thank you.
Speaker 2:I tell you, those things were amazing.
Speaker 1:They are amazing.
Speaker 2:And it's funny because, of course, like I said, I've gushed about them since their first.
Speaker 1:Those Skullcandies are the best fucking ones. I mean, we can probably talk about them here and hopefully get a sponsorship by them, because I would fucking love that, because I went to their actual website. I've never been to their website, oh, because I got them off amazon oh, that's right yeah, so I went to the actual website. Bitch, they had them in red, they got them in pink, they got them in purple. I'm like, I like the purple one.
Speaker 2:I know those are the ones I wanted, but they're always sold out yeah they always sell out of the purple, and then of course, I get mine and guess what comes back in stock?
Speaker 1:of course of course no, not at all but you know what they are they are really amazing headphones. I love them to death. So, skullcandy, if you're hearing us, hello, we can use more for the podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you, appreciate it I always have a hard time explaining them to people because they're just like okay, but they're just headphones. I'm like, no, you don't understand. You don't understand like dude not like. That's why I said like okay, the best way I can describe it, it's like being in a sound competition yeah, it really is that has everything people are just like dude, you're gonna blow out your ears.
Speaker 1:I'm just like yeah, so what? I? Mean, I'm trying to get something to blow out my back and I can't get that because it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not the the dbs from uh woofers yeah it's literally motors that's it.
Speaker 1:That's all it is so technically, technically, no, technically but it's just funny to see because everyone's just like you're gonna blow your eardrums. I was like no, because I'm still trying to get my back blown out and that's not how that happened, so whatever Try and try all your back being blown out have to do with your ears being blown out. I have no idea. It just came to my fucking head Dee Dee, like it was just like there. Dee Dee, fuck off Dee Dee.
Speaker 2:No, because you got me on this podcast. No, I know so too bad.
Speaker 1:Sister, dee, sister, dee, sister.
Speaker 2:Dee, you're stuck, you're stuck with me.
Speaker 1:This is true. I am stuck with you Forever and ever and ever. Run, bitch, run no.
Speaker 2:I would be the runner one, just kidding.
Speaker 1:I've seen you run and I have it on camera.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's right. My attempt to run.
Speaker 1:She's like fucking run really quickly. It was like a cartoon character running. She looked like fucking Assassin's Creed trying to jump off a pumpkin.
Speaker 2:I was a fat, chubby bunny trying to fucking make a dash, like no.
Speaker 1:It was so cute. I've never seen anybody running place before. Anywho, more of stress and anxiety. Fuck you, fuck all of it, don't want it return to cinder, don't need it, don't need it. And it's kind of hard because I know everyone's just like, okay, you didn't get to explain, like how you about I can't explain it because it just it just happened it happened the way it was meant to happen yeah, it happened the way it meant to happen.
Speaker 1:I think for anybody dealing with stress and if I could give you a piece of advice on how to deal with it and how to shut it off is one don't give a fuck anymore. To reflect on yourself and everyone else around you who is giving you and causing you anxiety, remember you want somebody to uplift you, not downgrade you at all whatsoever, because you need someone to keep pushing you to better and harder links to your career. And do the same for that person who is trying to get you off the ground as well. Oh, I got the hiccups. And the other thing is is fuck what everyone says about you. Don't worry about it, because at the end of the day, people are gonna say worst thing about you is period. And that's fine because you know the truth. You know what I mean. You know the truth. So when you're trying to go to bed and you've had a bad day, leave those bad days alone because you can't fix it. Forget what about what your boss says. As long as you've written it down, you've given it to the right, proper people. You let people know go home, get some rest, don't worry about it anymore. You can fix it. It's done. Once you come home you talk about it with your significant other or whoever it is, your best friend or whatnot, then you'll be fine.
Speaker 1:I can't say there's no need to like overexert yourself in a lot of the stuff, because that's nearly impossible. It's easier said than done and I'm not here to say don't take any medicine. But if the medicine helps you out where you need it to be the most, take it. I know we're in a different time period now where things are just a little bit different for us now politically, but it still doesn't change. The fact is that you need to do this for yourself. You got to put yourself first. You got to put your self-care in your hands and figure out where you need to go and which way the fork divides for you, because at the end of the day, you're going to be able to make those decisions for you, if I'm making any sense here at all period none whatsoever, I know you're just talking in circles.
Speaker 1:Damn it, get to the fucking point. You know what, fuck? You continue evaporating. I know, that's not the word evaporate, no, no, no, that's not that one. You know, we're just going to stop right there. We're going to stop right there. In other words, fuck off. Go breathe in your brown bag. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Go, breathe in your brown paper bag.
Speaker 1:Look, at the end of the day it's just all fun and games until you can actually figure out what you want to do for you. You need to sit with yourself, and I know everyone's like. It's hard to do that without having dark thoughts. That's fine. If you can't sit by yourself, sit with somebody who's willing to take you on that journey, making sure all sarped objects are out of the way, every fucking bullet is pulled away that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 2:The one piece of advice that I could give is if you can find whatever it is that you need, or whoever it is that you need, so that you don't have to go through it by yourself, please do.
Speaker 1:And if you don't have friends that don't understand, and make it about them and try to dude. You need to let go of those friends because they're not doing you justice. Nope, they're not. Not anymore, Not anymore. That's what daddy is saying and telling you to go. Tell him to go fuck off and go eat a bag of dicks.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm trying to say there where is this bag that you speak of?
Speaker 1:you know what? I just need to make dicks candy and then it's gonna say bag of dicks, throw out a friend or family or relative because you constantly bring them up in conversation. There's never a bag one day I'm gonna have a fucking bag. One motherfucking day I will in you. That's the end of my podcast. Appreciate it, thank y'all, and my name is jesse james my name is my name is.
Speaker 2:Say your fucking name my god. Jesus, I had to up the anxiety.
Speaker 1:No, I've already beaten that shit. I don't need that torture from you. This is the Mature and Mischief Podcast. I appreciate y'all tuning in and listening to all our platforms. Y'all take care and love y'all. Bye.
