Mature Mischief podcast
Greetings, Gremlyns!
Join us on the Mature Mischief podcast with your Host Jesse James and Co-Host Dee Dee.
Embark on a journey filled with mishaps, awkward moments, and adulting wins. Prepare to laugh, cringe, and nod along with every episode!
Ready to embrace the chaos of adulting and find solace in shared experiences? Let the Mature Mischief Podcast guide you through the ups and downs of life.
Don't miss out on the genuine hilarity that comes with being a grown-up. We'll show you how to turn mundane moments into comedic gold!
Mature Mischief Podcast: Because growing up may be tough, but finding humor in it is always a joy! Tune in now!
Mature Mischief podcast
We're too old for this, but we'll do it anyway
Remember when "partying" meant hitting every bar in town multiple nights a week? Jesse and DeeDee take us on a nostalgic journey through their wild twenties when they somehow managed to go out almost every night, despite having jobs and responsibilities.
The hosts share hilarious stories from their bar-hopping days - from Jesse's strategic method of getting free drinks from handsy admirers to DeeDee using her dance skills to ward off unwanted attention. They reminisce about their regular circuit of local bars, each with its designated night of the week, and the inevitable late-night food runs that followed. Their vivid storytelling brings to life both the fun and foolishness that defined their younger years.
As the conversation unfolds, both hosts reflect on how their definition of "partying" has evolved with age. These days, their ideal night involves Korean BBQ, board games at home, or meaningful conversation with a drink in hand. The financial reality hits home when they calculate the monthly cost of frequent bar visits - money that could cover rent and car payments instead. Even more compelling is their frank discussion about physical recovery - how the two-hour sleep followed by a workday hangover just isn't worth it anymore.
What stands out most is the hosts' authenticity in acknowledging this evolution without judgment. Growing older doesn't mean the fun stops; it just transforms into experiences that better align with their current priorities and physical realities. Whether you're still in your wild party phase or have graduated to Netflix and chill, this episode will have you laughing and nodding in recognition.
What's your definition of a "party" these days? Join the conversation and share your stories with us!
Platforms
Breather break
what's up?
Speaker 2:gremlins, welcome back to another podcast. My name is jesse james. I hope everyone is doing it and doing it well. You know the drill. This is the mature mischief podcast.
Speaker 1:That was awesome, both of us, hey can y'all tell we're on the same brainwave today I was like I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this with him.
Speaker 2:Today, see if he catches it. Yeah, I heard about it. Yeah, you caught it. I was like, hey, that's funny.
Speaker 1:That was awesome. That was awesome, I know for some reason it's Pig on josie day for some reason that is. Yeah, it is fuck off, it's okay. I fully expect to get the third degree during this episode. Just saying guys, just saying just saying we'll see.
Speaker 2:I know it, you know it, the whole world fucking knows it. I like saying my name twice. I am your host, jesse James.
Speaker 1:And I am your co-host, Dee Dee.
Speaker 2:Yo Dee Dee what it do, sister Dee what it do baby girl, oh shit.
Speaker 1:It's going to be funny until total strangers come up and say that shit to me.
Speaker 2:Then I'm going gonna be like if they've never seen your face, I don't think it'll ever happen so stay hidden, noted okay noted, unless someone goes, you have a very familiar voice like no, I'm gonna tell them?
Speaker 1:oh, I get told that all the time apparently have the selena laugh.
Speaker 2:You know, what I'm gonna tell is what do you mean? What do?
Speaker 1:you mean oh, I get told that all the time, just kidding Apparently, you have the Selena laugh what I'm going to tell is what do you mean?
Speaker 2:What do you mean? You just sound like somebody from a podcast I listen to oh really, which podcast?
Speaker 1:Like oh cool, what's it about?
Speaker 2:What is it about? I don't know. They're just two people being stupid you know what. That's probably valid. That would be pretty valid. Can you imagine?
Speaker 1:can you imagine? I can't legit being oblivious to whatever the hell they're talking about, and they're less like oh yeah.
Speaker 2:These two freaking idiots like oh, oh yeah oh yeah, you, you, you want to tell us how you really feel I'll be like, oh cool, what's it, what's it called?
Speaker 1:So I can hear it.
Speaker 2:Like is it bad or is it like?
Speaker 1:Idiot's like haha funny, or idiot's like stupid. I'm not going to cry.
Speaker 2:Like yes, that's mine, yeah, that's me. Please don't call me an idiot, Okay all right, you can stop now.
Speaker 1:It's mine. Yeah, that's me, me, don't. Please don't call me an idiot. Okay, all right, you can stop now it's me.
Speaker 2:it's me, I'm the co-host, damn it oh my god, it's you, so you are stupid bitches getting throw punched.
Speaker 1:Bitches is getting throw punched you know what?
Speaker 2:that would be fucking hilarious, though, man. Just what happened. Y'all are just so stupid. It's like I don't know I was talking about. You know what? That would be fucking hilarious, though, man. Just Y'all are just so stupid. It's like I don't know I was talking about some random.
Speaker 1:It would be hilarious if I hit them and not explain why. If I didn't explain that it was me, you know what I mean Like they'd have been like what happened? I don't know. I was just talking about some podcast people and this chick just throw punched me and then later they find out I was like, oh, it was her. I got throat punched by her. She was the co-host on that podcast. No wonder she punched me.
Speaker 2:I called her stupid. You deserved it. Yeah, all right, today's episode is party, party time, you know, because it's Wednesday and it's time and everyone's already on that hup day, hup day, hump day, hump day.
Speaker 1:We need pickups, we need pick-me-ups for.
Speaker 2:Wednesday.
Speaker 1:That's cool, I will wait patiently.
Speaker 2:I will wait. It's crazy how partying in your 20s to your mid-30s and then after that your, is literally a nap you're all partied out I don't know if anybody realizes that, like, no matter it, it's great when you turn 21, because I mean, let's face it, some of y'all fuckers don't even wait until you're 21 right so it's like but now you're fully 100, legal, so now you can go out and party, right, right.
Speaker 2:So I'm just kind of curious you're, you're those 21s that are just now turning 21, and who are those who are now still 21 and who forever will be 21? Uh, not me, not you, right, not me. Um, what's it like?
Speaker 1:I almost spit my water.
Speaker 2:I almost legit spit my water what's it like to go party every day? Oh my god because I don't know how some of y'all fuckers do it every single day.
Speaker 1:I could never I could. Mm-mm.
Speaker 2:Mm-mm. Y'all got me fucked up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I couldn't be me. You know what Couldn't be me?
Speaker 2:I used to go to the bars and I would meet guys at the bars and they would want to go out every single night. I noticed that I could not be the party type anymore because money was just flying out of me quickly yeah because drinks are expensive. They are really expensive now yeah, and I'm still trying to find a drink that I actually like, that I will like to order. I'm always stuck with the long island iced tea.
Speaker 1:Still, that's plenty that is more than plenty.
Speaker 2:I guess it's one of those things if I'm feeling trashy, I'm gonna have me a long island iced tea. I don't have a classy drink that I want to go to.
Speaker 1:So you're trashy 24-7.
Speaker 2:But basically, I mean, I'll go for an old-fashioned though, but who has old-fashioned available at the bar right? Occasionally? I would do an old-fashioned Like I think they have this urban place that's right down the street and every day they have an happy hour from a certain time to certain time and they have, I think, six dollar and nine dollar old fashions and they're really really good. Yeah, they're damn.
Speaker 1:I know they're expensive I know because I'm just kind of like for the price that they are, how how many I need in order to get nice and good for the night. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to be broke. I'm going to be broke before I even get my buzz.
Speaker 2:Like not cool man, but I like it because they put the ball of ice in there for that All fancy. Very faunchy, but I think that's going to be my classic drink. I do like an old-fashioned I really do.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I have a. You know, Because I'll try different things. I don't have a, I mean, I had my usuals, but those are. Those almost killed me so. Yeah, we stay away from that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we talked about that so many times, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's crazy said. But the in-between drinks, though, the ones that I would use to maintain. I would switch them up all the time so I never had like a solid one. The, the shot, yes, the liquid cocaine, yeah, that was always a given. But the in-betweens I'll be like oh you know what, tonight I'll do my in-between. Uh, blue hawaiian you know, what I mean. Or, oh, you know what I'll do a kamikaze, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:yeah, or cherry sour vodka I don't like the sour ones, but I don't. I've never been a fan of sour shit, so that's my kind of.
Speaker 2:That's not my go-to thing, but that is definitely something that uh, hubby and I will drink the painkillers painkillers.
Speaker 1:The painkillers from cheddars those are the shit that toasted coconut with the honey on the rim. But you know it's not the same anymore.
Speaker 2:It's not the same anymore. I don't know, just drinking in general, just kind of lost me after a while. I don't know, I was never the party person. Even though I have a shit ton of liquor on my cabinetry, a shit ton of bottles, I've just never been the liquor kind of person. I still have a black label um 15. Is it a 15 year label? Black label one I have it's like 15 years old oh yeah, in the one that was in that box yeah, that's been.
Speaker 2:My grandmother had it when, I guess they started first coming out. I think now it's almost like 30, 35 years old already.
Speaker 2:So that's badass. Yeah, my grandma's like, yeah, here, I'm just like she calls me the other day she's do you still have the black label? I'm like I still have the motherfucking black label in my. I haven't opened it up, I just like I'm saving that for a good special occasion and whatever that occasion is, and I kind of I can't wait because I really want to try. It's been sitting there for quite some time, so it's um, it's in my closet. So it's there and it's been with me since corpus, I think since I turned 8, 21, nice, yeah, since I turned 21, I still have it. It's my had Black Label. It's very good, it's very smooth. I just haven't had this Black Label yet.
Speaker 1:You haven't had this aged Black.
Speaker 2:Label, but it's staying up and it's never been opened. It's never been opened at all period. Okay, what happened?
Speaker 1:I'm not sure if that was ice or not, but I don't think it is.
Speaker 2:I think it's just little like bits of paper. Oh yeah, that's what I was like go finish what I gave you kid. But no, but he's finishing. Um, I think the last good party I did, uh was being at the bar, I think this past weekend, uh, for fiesta. So that was actually a lot of it was. It was fun and it was kind of disappointing too at the same time, because if he has to during on that weekend, I expected it to be like very pop off, like I've heard things about. Oh, it's always so busy, it's so crowded. I guess it's. I guess it depends on day. I don't know. People have different things going on during fiesta. I don't know the actual like time time, uh, what we have, but I don't know the actual time-time what we have, but I don't know. But we did end up going to Eagle Pegasus, sparky's Awesome. We went there, but it was actually a lot of fun. I think that night I only paid for one drink.
Speaker 1:Everyone else was paying for my drink.
Speaker 2:And my drink where I paid it for was at the Eagle. After that, people were just buying me drinks. After that I had literally four Long island teas. Holy shit, I was already trash it is your trash I was. I mean, yeah, I mean I was feeling so good that I saw I was like oh, karaoke, I love doing karaoke. And inside of me, no, you don't, no, you fucking don't.
Speaker 1:You better set your fucking ass back down, if I grab a mic or if I say anything about karaoke, take me home uh-huh exactly take me home, because now I was feeling brave.
Speaker 2:I was like you know what can I do? The only song that I know I can sing, or attempt to sing, is voodoo by godsmack that is it?
Speaker 1:oh yeah, because it's.
Speaker 2:It's basically talking just with a little with, with more bit, with some bass to it, because how funny would it be just to go up there and you're just like, you're just standing there and I'm so yeah, I'm not the one who's so far away when I feel it, but can you imagine the deep vase bass voice coming out of me, like you're just hearing that whole like melody, you know what I mean. And it just drops and then your voice, just like I'm not the one who's so far away when I feel the snake. You know they just people like damn, he's got bass. I mean I don't think I could ever do karaoke. I'm not a very karaoke person. I don't like singing. I can't sing for shit. I know that karaoke is meant for people who can't sing. It's just there to have a good time.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I'm just not that guy, I'll sing, but it's.
Speaker 2:And I'll sing karaoke, but it's to myself yeah it's by myself, yeah I can do karaoke at home but it's because I'm just not a performance person. That's why I've never been a performance person, so I know there's a in my my. My party is going to a nice restaurant and having like the hibachi people party, like oh nice tell me you're old without telling me you're old you know what I remember.
Speaker 1:I want to say it was my late 20s, no, my mid-20s. My mid-20s I actually was doing almost almost every day going out. I wasn't at home a lot and I was spending more time at my friend's house than anything and of course they were just like oh, girl, just stay the night.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's cool, like I got clothes for you, I got you know whatever, and I was saying I was going out all the fucking time and I had already had my own place by then. We were going to, we were hitting about all the gay bars and everything and whatnot, even my co-workers where, uh, I was partying with my own co-workers. We would go out to like the gay bars. We were going to country clubs because I love to dance and they were buying me drinks left and right like, hey, here I'm just like bro, I still gotta drive.
Speaker 1:I'm not a dancer, so I wouldn't. I would go just for literally the drinks and the music that's it. I'm I'm not a dancer. I like to chill and drink. That's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like to chill and drink too. I mean, I'm a big dancer. But that was like people were finding out that, oh, I dance like Tahano, country music, salsa, ballroom, you know that type of shit. And they're like, hey, let's go, let's go. I'm just like, yeah, let's go. I remember one day I got so fucking drunk. I was with my ex-girlfriend and we were at ropers in corpus christi texas, god, yeah, that's how old school it was. We got so trash I don't remember getting us to denny's and from denny's going home.
Speaker 1:I don't remember any of that um so yeah, I think I went to ropers, maybe once once. Once. I love country music.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But again that's more of a dance place because, they have that big old dance floor or whatever.
Speaker 2:Oh, they have a beautiful dance floor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love their dance floor.
Speaker 2:But before y'all come after us, you'll be like oh, why are you drinking and driving? Okay, remind me, this is in our 20s.
Speaker 1:We don't do that now're more responsible.
Speaker 2:Now we're in bed by nine we were supposedly way back when way back, when, not now no because girl, nothing's changed are you saying I'm stupid now? No, I'm just saying we're not bright speak for yourself.
Speaker 1:No, we did. I remember we would go out, like on the weekends, naturally of course and then after a while they're like hey, dude, did you know, this place is open on on mondays. Like no, it's like we're gonna go on mondays now and I'm like, oh shit, okay cool. And then they're like oh uh, what was it?
Speaker 2:I think macaws uh-huh was always hopping on, I forgot about macaws.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was always hopping on tuesdays really yeah, so macaws was the t on. Tuesdays, really, yeah, so McCall's was the Tuesday. I don't remember what our Mondays was. Mccall's was Tuesdays. I don't remember if we had a Wednesday or if the Wednesday was the day off. I know what was the name of that damn one that was way out in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 2:It was a dude's name, no, casey's Place one that was way out in the middle of nowhere. It was a dude's name no, casey's place. Casey's place, your age is showing I don't get it casey's place and there was a couple other ones, but we had one for almost every day of the weekend.
Speaker 1:I'm like, okay, yeah I, this was cool for like a month and I'm like, yeah, I can't keep up with this dude. I know I'm still in my mid-20s, but and I wouldn't do anything. I'm just stand there, drink my little drinky drinks and jam out to the music. And it was cool because we would always meet up with friends who were frequenting these places.
Speaker 2:So they were like, oh, it's cool, I got you and I'm like I know I know, yeah, no shit I ain't gonna say no because I was always like no, I'm kind of typing cash, I got bills, I gotta pay. Oh, I got you, I got you, I'm like oh well, I mean, it's very cool it's like how do you say no to free shit, right? So it's like, okay, cool, yeah. And then you're like you're starting to regret your choices because these people are really good fucking drinkers, and you're like, still a bitch you're just like I know I was, I could handle my shit I would hate it because it takes a lot though, but it got expensive because I'm like they brought me.
Speaker 2:Like okay, I'm gonna go get some beers. I'm like, okay, yeah, cool. He forgot to ask, like, what I drink. He brought me butt light.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh, I don't drink beer, so I wouldn't know butt light no. I cannot Dos.
Speaker 2:Equis. The only thing I can do, but Dos Equis has to be dressed.
Speaker 1:I can't do it just period like I, just I've never liked the tastes of beer the only one time that I did drink beer. I was that gone. I was that far gone oh yeah, I remember you telling us it was an irish car bomb yeah, and of course I'm just like this is beer, but I was drinking it because my taste buds were gone at that point I couldn't taste shit, so I'm just kind of like you know what? I don't even care.
Speaker 2:There's liquor in here, sure, so yeah no, no, but I remember, uh, I remember a lot of the hano bars too, because they had though back in that day too, because my mom yeah, toxic that's oh toxic, holy shit. I forgot about that. Yeah, I was like I'm telling you there wasn't, but there was, that was right there there was like the one right there right off of it was like two bars under one roof or something like that it was that toxic, yeah, donnaville yeah well, did you know that right there, toxic at the honneville, right next to the honneville, was when I used to do martial arts back in the day?
Speaker 1:nice, yeah, it was right there. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:I didn't know that yeah, it was right there. It was, uh, that's where we used to. I was like, cool, go go train and go next door. But it was, uh, it was a lot of fun because we would go to the honneville a lot, because we would. We would want to dance. Clubxic wasn't a thing that we would want to do, but Overtime was another one.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, I forgot about Overtime. There was one that was called the Golden Nugget. We went there and there was one that's right across from the La Armada. That was just like a bar or whatnot, but I haven't gone out Now. I'm kind of missing it, because the only reason I want to go out now is because I'm. I'm kind of getting out there. Like I said, we went out this past weekend. We went to go hit out the bars and met a nice guy. Everything was just like going fucking smoothly.
Speaker 1:Like everything was great.
Speaker 2:I did get trashed. I had food. I got sobered up. Stayed at my friend's house. Only got two hours of sleep. Woke up with a hangover in two hours. Had to go to work. That's the part I'm kind of like yeah, I don't want to deal with that part at this age. Dude, you know what I think at this age? I'm more just, I want to casually drink I don't want a heavy drink?
Speaker 2:yeah, because I can party and whatnot. But when my friends are like, oh, you want to drink, I'm like no, oh, come on, I will, but I have my limit, but two is my limit if I'm driving, I'm having one.
Speaker 2:If I'm not driving and someone else is driving, yeah, fuck it. Yeah, give me another one. Like I will slow down once I have my four long island iced tea. Then I'll have my dosakis dressed, because that's just where it's at and I'm. I'm cool and I have to have something in my stomach not heavy. Although we went to go eat at an all-you-can-eat catfish type of place, it's not that great.
Speaker 1:Well, alright.
Speaker 2:I was going to suggest it for us too. I was like, okay, cool, I can try it out. I mean, it wasn't that great, it wasn't seasoned right. Like it was all breading, but it wasn't bad. It was $, but it wasn't bad, it was 17.99 for all. You can eat catfish, you also have all you can eat spaghetti and all you can eat something else.
Speaker 1:Nice, yeah, that's.
Speaker 2:That's like a cool concept, but yeah, it's a really cool concept.
Speaker 1:But I don't know. Stick the k-pot for all you can eat oh, dude, I love a good fucking k-pot.
Speaker 2:Fuck yeah, that's our party right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at this age, that's our party right there and I will take and if, if we can afford it, I'll take the soju in addition to my k-pop yeah, like, oh, would you like some? Drinks. Yeah, give me some soju give me some soju I will take some soju what is the other one?
Speaker 2:um, there, I don't know if you ever went to one there's. I think it was at the quarry that we went to, and they have a conveyor belt of sushi oh yeah, I haven't gone to that one. Yeah, if we get money, we will have to take you yeah, it was fucking awesome. Like not 300 awesome, but it was.
Speaker 1:It was nonetheless you know, speaking of k-pot, they opened another um korean barbecue place by where I work. Oh, nice, nice yep, literally in the building right across from us. Yeah, on the front side, nice. We can walk there, we can just walk there from work.
Speaker 2:See, I haven't tried it, but I'm kind of like I don't know, I'm a little keep hot, yeah, our party is food parties. Exactly.
Speaker 1:With minimal drink on the side if we can afford it. Permitted, if permitted, permitted and afforded.
Speaker 2:That's hilarious. Tell us your old I know tell us your old and broke. Without tell us your old and broke, you know it's I I truly do enjoy like a good fucking meal at the end of the day, because something about drinking and when you're fucking like gone, you're just like.
Speaker 1:I just want something good I was gonna say sometimes staying in at home and literally just making yourself a couple of drinks and putting your music on or doing something while you're doing.
Speaker 2:Having a good conversation, it's the best shit ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, having a good conversation, yeah, and this is like oh, we should go out, like this is my party right here this is can we just it's perfect.
Speaker 2:Can we just drink and drunk and get fucked and fuck you, and let's see how the day goes you're such a whore I am. I am such a whore. I mean, sex parties are now, are my thing, so touche, touche so you know what?
Speaker 1:That's your party.
Speaker 2:That's my party, that's your party. Orgy at my place. That's hilarious. You know, that's how I met. Majority of my friends was at sex parties. It's crazy, it was wild. Those were some good times. I can imagine, yeah, I can imagine Twink was the only one I didn't get to meet at the party. Our friend yeah, he's the only one. I only met him because we used to work together at the Halloween store.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:I met him there at the bar. He says he doesn't remember, but I think he was already trashed. I met you at kinky carnival. That's when, when kinky carnival was starting to come around and everything, we would go out every first saturday of the month, we would drink or whatnot. That was my partying was because it was fun. It was a kinky event, you know, it was fun, or whatnot. So, uh, I was just having a fucking good time. But a lot of the parties when we first moved up here, a lot of it was just like a lot of like hey, there's a sex party that's going on. Hey, I'm hosting this, you want to come out? Yeah, sure, just after a while. That's kind of like how I met a lot of my friends. Nice, see. But it's like I see people who go out a lot and I'm just like holy shit, and the tab is fucking ridiculous. It's like I was like two or $300. I'm like bro, 200, $300. What did you buy? Oh, I got me drinks and I was buying everyone drinks.
Speaker 1:I'm just like bro why I mean cool If you got it, but I mean I. I mean cool if you got it, but, sir I mean, look, I'm all for you.
Speaker 2:I'm not knocking anybody who goes out every single day.
Speaker 1:I just don't know how anybody does it To each their own, yeah, but I'm just like how's your liver, how's it doing, have you? Given it a break. I literally just asked a friend that tonight.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I literally asked like, how is your liver and kidneys? And I had misspelled it and it said lover and kidneys. I said, my bad, I meant liver and kidneys. But I was legit asking and his response was well, I won't be, I'm not on a donor's list, I'll tell you that. And I'm like dang okay. Okay, yeah, that's all like ouch Okay well, just take care of yourself, man.
Speaker 2:I mean, I mean it's I, it's crazy because I see it and I'm just like, and I'm, if I'm calculating the math right, right, depending on what you're getting right, if you go out every fucking weekend or if you go out every fucking day, you're spending almost close to 1500, maybe,600 a month on just alcohol alone.
Speaker 1:That's rent bro.
Speaker 2:That is, that's rent.
Speaker 1:That's car payments and bills. The food.
Speaker 2:Look, I don't mind going out to the bars with friends and watching them drink and be the DD occasionally, because I don't mind going out and having fun because I like stupid people. When they're drunk it's fun Like stupid people. Dude, I love stupid drunk people. I just can't help it, even the fucking aggressive ones. I fucking love them because I know if I get to throw a punch about them in the dark it's fine, I do love that was.
Speaker 2:I love drunk people. I don't like when they're behind the wheel, but I like them anyways. But I'd rather go with my friends and support them and watch them have fun and have a good time.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say it depends. It depends, yeah, because we would go out in groups and I'm like everybody's cool when they're nice and tipsy, because everybody's feeling good, you know what I mean so everybody's chill, everybody's enjoying, but there's something to start to like go a little far. And then they're like, oh hey, what's up? I'm like, no sir, no sir, that's not why we're?
Speaker 2:what did uh gabriel iglesias say that there are three different type of drunks the I love you guy, the I hate you guy and the mirror guy. You know that one right.
Speaker 1:Hey, oh God. No, you mirror. No, it was always the ones that were trying to hit on you, oh.
Speaker 2:I love the ones that are trying to hit on you. They're so fucking okay. I mean. Granted, I know it's a little creepy though, but I love those gay drunks that are just so fucking like okay, so maybe they're different.
Speaker 1:Well for me, they're for me.
Speaker 2:I'm less like stop straight drunk and gay drunk are two different things. Gay drunk now I know that consent's key for everything. For me right, but if it's me and you're touching me, I am going to be okay with it, because I know how drunk you are with it. Right, but you know it's just like you're the sober one, yeah, so one.
Speaker 2:I remember one guy was just like he just got his hands in my shirt and like this and he's like all over me and I'm just, I'm feeling his hands going over. I'm just like yo, you buying me a drink, like bro, you fondled me like hardcore, like you know, just like he's just going all over putting his hands in me.
Speaker 1:I'm just like am I getting a massage here?
Speaker 2:I'm like oh, dude, I'm so, I'm so drunk, I didn't mean to touch you. And you say that I didn't mean to touch you, why he's still touching me. I'm just like bro. And then he puts his hand in back of my ass and he puts his finger there and just like bro, don't, don't, don't do that. And he pulls out and he goes.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm like oh wait, okay, this is where we stop but this is why I laugh at drunk guys, because when I say, sir, I was like that's gonna cost you a drink and that's gonna cost you two drinks. So you need to go give me two drinks to be able to. But because I know they're gonna be like can I get two drinks? I'm sorry, I'm cutting off, it's not for him, it's for me. Uh, so let him pay, because he just fondled me for one and then he put his finger in my butthole and sniffed it, so that causes them to the bartender's like and put it on his tab. Okay, yeah, put it on my tab, I'll take care of it. I'm like he goes the bartender's like. Okay, so there I am. I have goes. What do you want to drink? I was like give me a.
Speaker 1:Long Island iced tea and a shot he goes what kind of shot? Give me the most expensive shot you got dang, might as I mean, might as well, might as well, might as well, have it yeah, I'll take care of it. I'll take care of it in your butt.
Speaker 2:You might as well as well and I that bartender did make him his promise because he did make me a 25 shot. Yeah sure, fucking did. Oh, I was like I don't know what the fuck he put it in there, but it was a $25 shot and just fucking chugged it back. It was smooth, I will say it was smooth.
Speaker 1:It better be for $25. It better have been.
Speaker 2:It was fucking smooth, but yeah, no the drug butts are always funny because they do tend to get very handsy with you.
Speaker 1:That's funny. I think girls are yeah, girls, yes, and if it was a straight one I'd be like no, no no, no you don't do that okay.
Speaker 2:So for me, for a straight guy who's doing it, for a guy, I'm just like are you sure you're not gay? Because the gay guys again it's the same song and dance, like, oh you, you're gay and you're so fucking hot. I just want to like, take you. And I'm just like whoa, whoa, whoa, give me a shot first, we'll talk about the rest later. Okay, okay, and he's online, he goes what kind of shot you want? I was like I don't know, unless I'll take a shot, because I'm gonna take a shot with you. I was like no, you're not, I just want a shot. I'll say, because he's are gonna cut you off. Sure enough, bartenders, dude, you're cut off. I'll say wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, he's giving me a you off. Sure enough, bartender's, dude, you're cut off. I was like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, he's giving me a shot. He just fondled me. So I want a shot, give me the good shit. Oh, okay, I put it on his tab. And again it's like put it on his tab.
Speaker 2:But it's just so funny because I know I'm a fat mcconaughey, like I'm okay with that, whatever works, whatever works, whatever, and gets you free expensive 25 shots, people are just like oh my god, you're so high and you're so hairy, you're like a man of hard bodies. I'm like, bro, how drunk are you that you're seeing a man of hard bodies? Thank you, how my titties look what these titties here like bro, yeah, man, shit, take them take, them take them, take them you're like you're drunk too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure are you drunk, yeah, but you're so hot, you look like a model. I'm just like you could be your. Oh, thank you, I appreciate it. Yeah, you're just so. I love this hot body of yours. It's so smooth. But why is it so round? Don't worry about it. I it's just. I mean, it's muscle. Baby, I'm in drag right now and I'm pregnant and this is what I'm wearing, like it's all silicone.
Speaker 2:Wow, this is really impressive true story, bitch story it's so much fun, and this was not even that one of them happened. Uh, when I was in humble texas, I was at a george country. Uh, gay bar sports bar or something like that.
Speaker 2:One guy did that. He followed me all over the place. I'm just like, bro, give me a drink, so it was kind of that. But he met some really cool me all over the place. I'm just like bro give me a drink, so it was kind of that. But he met some really cool people at the bars because I remember, uh, at that particular bar the guy was drinking.
Speaker 2:I just literally just got off of work and this was like when, uh, hurricane harvey was around and whatnot, I was like I'm gonna go to the gay bars because I want to get out of the house and see if I can find some. You know my prey, if you will. So I did. I found my prey and it was an older gentleman and he was like I don't think I can drink this anymore. He had like half a bottle like of dosekis in there.
Speaker 2:I literally looked at this man and I said pussy. I said I literally uttered that pussy. That's just my go-to thing for everything. If you're just like pussy, because that bruises a fucking man's ego. It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay or not, that bruises an ego to somebody. You're just like pussy. You're just like oh, I would like to. He's like oh yeah, I would like to see you drinking. You know what, get him a drink. Because he called me a pussy. I'm like, yeah, sure, why not? And he was just like dude, I've never had anybody call me a pussy before. I would just say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it just came out.
Speaker 1:Sorry, not sorry.
Speaker 2:I was thinking it to myself, and then my mouth went oops, did that come out? Did. I was thinking it to myself and then my mouth went like oops, did that come out? That was so funny because his other friends I know you did not just call him a pussy like how in the fuck? I was like shut a faggot, like sit down, who you calling a faggot?
Speaker 2:I was like another faggot calling you a faggot technically everybody in here, right it was just so funny because I I was, I wore a uh v cut uh shirt and I went there and the bartender there was just like again he goes, may I? I'm just like, yeah, sure, he's like oh, you're so fucking furry. I fucking love it. You're a bear, thank you. That's.
Speaker 1:The only perks about being hairy and a bear is that everybody fucking loves your body speaking of bear, did you see the videos that I had posted, that I tagged y'all in?
Speaker 2:oh, with the fucking caveman Dude.
Speaker 1:That was when you told what's your face Like, hey, you want to go clubbing, I'm trying to find me a bear. That sounds like oh my God, I have to send this to Jesse Yep I have to send this to Jesse.
Speaker 2:That shit's hilarious but you know I do miss those. That's kind being at the bar, because I feel the most confident when I'm at a bar, because the guys are drunk and they see me as a fucking dime. I'm just like tell me more, yeah, tell me more y'all just make me feel hella good.
Speaker 2:Something about bears, whatever it is. At a gay bar, we like picking up people. For some reason, we like lifting guys like let me show you how strong I am. Yeah, I'm strong. And one guy would be like, oh yeah, I lived like I live for like 250 pounds. I've always will ask how's your cardio?
Speaker 2:non-existent like oh, uh, no, and you're on top. Yeah, I'm a top. How long do you last? Oh, I, I got it. How's your cardio? Oh, it's not that great, you don't last that long. Next next they're like oh, you don't know that, I know that for a fact. Somebody be like he's about two minutes and he's already winded. I'm just like oh, you don't know that, I know that for a fact. Somebody be like he's about two minutes and he's already winded. I'm just like oh, bitch, you just got called out, you got called out. But that's the thing.
Speaker 2:I miss going out because I miss being so shady to people of course you do, of course you do because it's your, it's your kind, it's your people, you're having fun, you're just like whatever you know and it's not. It's not. It's not the thing that I want to go out and do kink events, right, because I love my kinky events, I love my family and whatnot. They're great Kudos to them. Whatever it is, yeah, but for me it's just like that's not where I want to be at. I want to be where the stupid people are.
Speaker 1:I want to be where the stupid people are Dancing and mumbling. Can I touch you? How did you go from Ariel to Quasimodo in two seconds?
Speaker 2:Because that's how they fucking sound. Can I touch you? You look so pretty. Oh my God. There was a really big buff guy the other day. He was a short king. I love me a short king.
Speaker 1:I love a fucking good short king. You know what? The short ones are incredibly passionate and they will take care of people. Just saying they will, they will. They try to compensate, so they'll go above, and people Just saying they will.
Speaker 2:They will Because they try to compensate, so they'll go above, and beyond you know what, as long as they're sweet and they want to compensate, but it's genuine. But when they're short and they got a big dick and they have over egos, I'm just like look here, short nut, I need you Half a nut. Pre-cum I need you to calm. Calm the fuck down. Pre-cum it's like your daddy ran out of toner after you.
Speaker 1:Oh my god. Just saying Pre-cum was definitely my favorite. I'm never going to never gonna be able to see the short dude now and not think, oh okay hey, look at Saki, you're five foot pretty nuts. I'm a girl so, so girls are naturally shorter, so it's okay it's okay damn shorter, so it's okay. Hey, you with the dribble, it's okay.
Speaker 2:Damn, I'm not even mad you with the dribble, you with the dribble, oh my god, that was awesome oh shit, I'm a girl.
Speaker 1:I'm naturally short, no bitch. Yes, yes, and I'm sticking to it you with the preemie no, actually no, I fucked up my mom. I'll admit that shit every time I see her stretch marks. You were the preemie?
Speaker 2:No, actually no, was I the smallest? I fucked up my mom. I'll admit that shit. Every time I see her stretch marks I'm just like, yeah, I did that.
Speaker 1:I think I was the smallest. I think I was the smallest baby of my mother's all my mom's kids, Damn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, nah.
Speaker 1:You're on me. I can never. I fucked up my mom bad. Life opener me. I could never. I fucked up my mom bad life.
Speaker 2:She reminds me, she goes you did this to me. I was like I'm proud of that I'm proud of that.
Speaker 1:I love. I love when mothers say that I love that you did this to me. Technically, you did it to yourself, bro, because you opened your legs, just saying that's a reminder to never have a kid ever again.
Speaker 2:Just saying so every time you look at your stretch marks and you think, oh, I'm fat.
Speaker 1:I'm like, no, that was me, man, that's some serious projection that is I'm thinking about it and I'm just like yo, that's a party.
Speaker 2:My mom your guilt to lay on a child mate like hold up what I used to tell kids that there were like when I had, like when I used to train them when I was in martial arts. I'm yeah, my mom always tells me it was like. Every time I see her stretch marks, she goes, yeah, that's me. And I kind of feel bad and I go. You look at your mom and you tell her good, it's a reminder that you made this and I fucked that up.
Speaker 1:Don't ever tell me that, don't ever say you did this to me, you did Don't put that on me.
Speaker 2:I told Tweek from college. I told him I was like dude, your dick's so big. When they pulled you out, they still needed more.
Speaker 1:They're like keep it coming, keep it coming, keep it coming.
Speaker 2:Isn't that his umbilical cord? Nah, is this the umbilical?
Speaker 1:cord. No, no, be gentle with it, but keep it coming.
Speaker 2:Keep it coming, Bro. They brought the whole rod out for you.
Speaker 1:I'm going to cut the umbilical cord. Wait a minute, that's not the umbilical cord. Don't do it. Don't cut it. We're not circumcising here.
Speaker 2:And I think it's just so funny because it's just like, because he tells me I think you would be so fun to go party with and hang out with. I'm just like you tell me when boo. You tell me when I mean I don't need your boyfriend to be jealous, I'm not all about that. So if it's just like, if I see you, I'll see you, you know, whatever.
Speaker 2:And then it was because that weekend that I went out. I was talking to all the guys and every fucking guy I met with like oh my God, hi, and kissing me and just like I miss you so much. And you know, they touch my package, I touch hers. I guess that's a way of saying hello.
Speaker 1:I know you said that I'm just like so, like dog sniffing asses, wow, wow, but you guys touch each other's junk.
Speaker 2:You know what, if we're good friends yes, we will. I don't know Something about gays. When we see each other, we're just like hi, we'll grab each other's ass. So so firm, you know, just like wow, it's. But you have to know the person first.
Speaker 1:I'll just don't go and do it?
Speaker 2:I certainly hope so, because then I'm like because people are gonna be like uh, jay's wild, like jesse's crazy, like he told me this was okay. No, I did not.
Speaker 1:No, I did not on the podcast, that it was cool.
Speaker 2:No, I said it was okay to punch your boss. I didn't say it was okay to do that. It's okay to punch your boss. We discussed that on the one rant that I said. I said it was okay to punch your boss in the fucking throat and kick him in the balls while he's down. That's what I said, not verbatim, that's what I said, but we just had fun. But these guys I'd known for a very long time.
Speaker 1:You know they were just like, oh, I missed this.
Speaker 2:I'm just like I know, I know. But when it's the million dollar question and I run into another person, I have a friend there. He goes yeah, I saw you there. But you were like guys were just coming to you like left and right, and I'm just like I'll just leave you alone. I was like I was wondering if that was you and I was wondering if you were going to come say hi.
Speaker 2:I was like, yeah, but I didn't want to like ruin your flow. You had like a good flow. For some reason, I'm like bitch for you, throw you in and bring you close like hell fucking day bitch he goes.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you're gonna have to pencil me in somewhere.
Speaker 2:I'll just say, bitch you, let me know when, and I am fucking there like pencil you in. No, I'm gonna put you in there's. There's a difference. There's a difference and it's just so funny because you, you genuinely see the stories on my storylines, like I miss you, like I can't believe, like you were the best at whatever. This and that I'm just like, and everyone's like, what the fuck? Like, what are you doing to these guys?
Speaker 2:I'm like ask them, ask them ask them ask your local gay if you know my name. You know, I know and I'm proud of it I know you are.
Speaker 1:I just like repeating it because you'll always agree you're that one person that never gets offended.
Speaker 2:So that's, I'm like but it's kind of crazy because even when I was straight, I was the exact same way. When I was straight, when I was going out to the bars, I had girls at my feet. But it wasn't like, oh my god, these are like beautiful girls, like dimes or whatnot. No, I had big bbw girls that were like wanting to suck me out and then go and have a fucking buffet afterwards. And some of these guys are the same way too. Can I suck your dick? Yeah, we're gonna get lunch afterwards, because I'm gonna be hungry. Like like, fuck, yeah, we're gonna go get tacos. Fuck yeah, dude, let's go get tacos. Fuck yeah, man, shit, suck my dick and go get food. That's a good night right there, man.
Speaker 2:But when I with it was like, oh, you're so pretty, you're beautiful, you're hot, and dah, dah, dah, dah, and just like, oh, thank you. I was like you're very gorgeous. I'm like oh, do you like fat girls? I was like girl, I do love me, a fat girl. I was just like do you think I got this way just because I was like honey, fast food could be your best friend. I wouldn't even know it, just asking, just asking, just asking. But it was even then women would buy my drinks. Nice, yeah, they would buy my drinks too. Like, oh, they would expect me to be the one to buy the drinks, but for some fucking reason, even women would buy my drinks. Oh, let me go get you a drink. I'm going to go get me one. Do you want anything? I was like sure that's awesome, that's whatever that's awesome.
Speaker 1:You know what's funny? I would always go out with my best friend. We do it on purpose, because she's the same as me. We like to just drink and chill, that's it. We don't like people messing with us or whatever. So on the occasion that we would, somebody would come be like oh, those guys over there, we're just like that's totally not what we're here for, bro, that's totally not what we're here for. So it was awesome, because as soon as they played a good song, she just started dancing all over me and then that's it oh, yeah, it would it would cut off whoever kept buying his drinks and and we're just like all right, cool, it worked, dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was funny, but we have to go to that extent. That's the shitty part. We have to go to that extent, not that it's whatever.
Speaker 2:Because I wasn't like oh okay we got to be uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Like we're not uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:It was my of our two guys.
Speaker 1:They'd just be like completely turned off right here now.
Speaker 2:It's just like give them two more bitch, that was hot, yeah, I'm just like god damn you slut uh, that's cool I, I used to love it, because I I just love going out with friends and having a genuine good time with them. That was just the only thing I do miss. I mean, now it's just like I want to stay home and play board games and let's have a fucking drink. I just haven't had a good drink in a good long time. And doctor's like, oh, you have a liver and you need to slow down. I'm just like bitch, I don't even drink that much.
Speaker 1:It's not the drink, it's the food. It's the food. It affects your drinking. Yeah, you're drinking. Yeah, they're just like you need to like slow down.
Speaker 2:I was like I'm not a drinker, I'm just a fast food fat guy who has a addiction to grease. Apparently like I will line up that grease like if it was not close of lines and just sniff it like damn, oh, give me that big.
Speaker 1:No, sir, that was cool. We would always go, like I said, with the same group. It. It would change depending on what day of the week it was and what club we went to, but for the most part it was usually the same people that we would just meet up like, oh, we're meeting up here, and on this day it's this place, and this day it's this place, or whatever. It's cool, until one or two of them would get a little too shit-faced and then they're causing problems because then it's just like I hate those, yeah, because then I'm just like oh, then we like you only leave and we're like really, bro, you just ruined our night.
Speaker 1:Like serious, so we leave and we're just like okay, we'll find it's late, we're all hungry, let's go get something to eat so we go get something to eat, and then the person would start some shit there and then we get I just like you know what I'm done for the night. Let's go drop homeboy off because he's acting a fool. And then the rest of us can go get something to eat, because this is stupid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, no, no, because if I'm going with a group of friends and I already know I have, hubby has to come by and pick me up. If they're going to act stupid, y'all can go and leave me here, and if you're going to act stupid, you can go. Where were your ride and this and that? Yeah, you brought me here.
Speaker 1:I will find my. I got backup money.
Speaker 2:You're not my only backup, Like I have. My husband might be pissed, but he's going to come by and pick me up and that's okay. If I have to fucking Uber, I'll.
Speaker 1:Uber. It's like I'll deal with that, then I'll deal with that, then deal with you.
Speaker 2:Like no, you're not ruining my night.
Speaker 1:Although I will remember, I will remember this one night. I will never forget it, because we're all at Casey's place and there were people there from different tattoo shops and I'm assuming it just wasn't a good year and people were just like butting heads. As far as those people, this shop didn't like that shop or whatever, and I was like seriously, there's drama here over this shit. Okay. Yeah, Anyway so there was a group of people that were in the back room of Casey's place where they had the pool tables.
Speaker 1:And when another group of people came in for the night, they went to the back and well, that group was there.
Speaker 1:So apparently there was a brawl that started in the back room oh shit so the bouncers all ran to the back room and little by little they start ushering people out of that room, right like, get out of here, get out of here, but of course everybody else needs to get out too. So the brawl, just like like in the cartoons, the way those, the little, uh dust things keep moving and all you see is yeah no, no, like the fight scenes and all you see, is like a foot or a fist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's what it was like, but from the front of Casey's to the front room of Casey's, it went all the way out to the parking lot, and everybody that was in the back and the front rooms of Casey's all went outside to, not necessarily to fight, but to watch. Half of them, though, were all in the parking lot in this huge ass brawl damn huge and I was just like, mind you, it was some of our friends, because, hello, that's when I was with james and james was managing um extreme tattoos at the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it wasn't. By the way, that wasn't one of the shops that was involved, it was two other shops. But still, um, there was this huge, old, huge no, no, no, I'm sorry, I wasn't with James, I was with somebody else who had his own shop. Sorry, and, but James was there that night because he told me about it years later, when we had met, we were dating. I'm like dude, I was there that night too. He's like no way. And I'm like whoa. We were at the same place, at the same fight or whatever, the same night.
Speaker 2:It just yeah, I remember that fight, yeah, but I didn't know who he was.
Speaker 1:He didn't know who I was, naturally, or whatever right, because we wouldn't meet till for you know years later, but I remember it being such a huge deal. All of these cops got called, so everybody just ran, like roaches they were getting in the car we just took off because of course everybody's drunk as shit, we're not supposed to be drinking or driving, but everybody's like get out before.
Speaker 1:But they start to tell them the cops are coming. We already called the cops get out of here, go home. Whatever the dude stayed, all the dudes stayed fighting, or whatever everybody else was like we're getting out of here, but it was hilarious because it was like a movie. It was like a movie or like cartoon. I was just watching the whole thing like move through the whole.
Speaker 2:I'm just like what is going on that reminds me of when I was uh. I was uh with my aunt. My aunt used to dj uh back in the day my aunt used to dj and she was. We were doing the at the sugar shack in uh in rockport, texas, and we would drive out there at least at every hour. What not to?
Speaker 2:do that when not people would, people would get fucked up at the sugar shack. Now the sugar shack is kind of like a very run down, like that run like a hole in the wall, like a little hole like a hole in the wall type place, but it was right out there, right by the water and next to the uh who dat restaurant. Oh god yeah. So they were be fucking brawls. I remember I was just sitting down at and uh at a table and I'm just chilling in and a fight broke, breaks out and I'm having a drink right and I just see the fight and my aunt's like jess, make sure they don't hit the dj stuff. So I'm just standing by the dj stuff and I just see like two guys jump and I just like a mosh pit just push them out the other way push them the other way and I'm just like, okay, drinking my drink and the bartenders.
Speaker 2:You're not gonna stop them. This ain't my fucking bar I'm just we're just my aunt's still playing the d, like turning down the music and just like smoking, you know whatnot I'm just, and it was just so funny to see, because it's just like I'm drinking my drink, my aunt's just fucking like chilling, chilly, packing up, she can do yeah, you know we're moving the table out of the way because a fight breaks out. The owner comes out with the fucking shotgun.
Speaker 1:Damn. Okay, bitch, Tell me you're in Texas without building a Texas.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I'm just like bitch, you have a shotgun in a fucking bar where everyone's drinking, when guns are not even supposed to be there.
Speaker 1:That's fucking gangster as fuck Like okay what are we in the fucking wild west?
Speaker 2:I think she got in trouble for it, or whatever, I don't remember I would imagine, so so but anywho, I could be lying about the shotgun. I just heard a chicken, that's it, so I was drinking my drink.
Speaker 1:So whatever I was, tipsy I was, I just heard a and I just went, oh fuck and I closed the door just I was like we hear gunshots, we're not going out there.
Speaker 2:No, no. But there was fights and I remember my aunt when she was a lesbian. At one point I had a girlfriend. She drove all the way up here, started banging on my aunt's fucking window. Yeah, it was bad. I'm just like, oh great, now I gotta be a fucking bodyguard too as well. So I just like, can you stop her? I'm just like you need to go, you don't fucking touch me. And I'm just like, bitch, just go, stop her. I'm just like you need to go, you don't fucking touch me. And I'm just like bitch, just go. And I would get close. But she was already drunk and she was feeling very, very brave.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So when you're drunk, you're feeling brave, right. So that's just the the extent to any of any fights I've ever gotten into.
Speaker 1:I'm just like there was a number of times where I had to be the middleman between my friends that we I went out with and they're dudes because everybody would get shit face and all of a sudden they're a problem, would pop off and everybody's like getting mad.
Speaker 1:But it's a guy against a girl oh and the girl is my friend, so the guy's, like you know, pissed off, get the fuck over here. Blah, blah, like he wants to literally be physically violent, violent. So I'm in the middle like you ain't gonna touch her, bro, I'm sorry yeah and of course they're looking at me like get the out of my way, because they're like wanting to punch me and I'm just like I dare you, I dare you.
Speaker 1:I mean I wouldn't say shit, but I just stand there like, oh my god, please, please, do it, please do it. They never did, they never did.
Speaker 2:But thankfully they also never got to the friend either yeah somebody would come, some from somewhere, or the girl would call somebody or whatever, and they were able to either take homeboy or we were, we were able to escape or leave, or whatever I'm like okay, cool see back in the day when I used to do the splits because I could do the splits. I can't do the splits anymore. I got an a-frame than anything else. So, uh, we went out and we were at the honneville, uh at the time in corpus. So it was me and a couple co-workers I was working for a grocery store company at the time and we would go out, you know. So we're like, because I was their dance buddies and whatnot, we would go dancing or whatever.
Speaker 2:After we left, the guys would get one guy who got a little too touchy with my friend. I'm like, stop it. I'm like, bro, she told you to stop. Like, can you not do this? Like this is not something, we're like, we're, you're in a grown adult. You should already know, and I get you, that you're drunk and whatnot. She's already said no, can you? Yep, can you leave? Are you her boyfriend? No, not in this life. Then mind your business.
Speaker 2:No no, no, no you want to take this outside gladly that's what it takes, homeboy and then so he started to walk out and she my best friend's getting her my former best friend at the time was getting her stuff as well she goes you're stupid, you can't. You can't fight like. Like, do you even know how to fight? I was like that's the least of my worries, remind you at the time, like I said my the the to fight. I was like that's the least of my worries, remind you at the time, like I said my the, the school that I went to was right next door to the honoville, so it's not like I did not know how to fight, right, so we go there and the guy's fucking drunk and whatnot.
Speaker 2:I said go get the car because she had a van. I was like when you bring the van, keep the door open because it wouldn't close. It would stay open until you hit the latch and it would close in. I was like go get the vehicle, turn the vehicle around Once you come in. That's my cue to jump in and we'll go.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:She's like, okay, cool. So she goes and she gets into her van and everything and the guy swings. I go into a split Johnny Cage fucking style and I fucking split johnny cage fucking style and I fucking decked him in the fucking balls twice like a fucking punch bag.
Speaker 2:Just very real quick, one, two, just, and all I hear is oh that's hilarious he fell down and I just remember getting him and I, his friend, was coming and I tossed him to his. Now I'm six foot and at that time I was at 235 pounds. I was very lean, I get the motherfucker. And I tossed him to his friend. He goes, holy shit. I was like, I was like you tell anybody, I kicked your ass. Just remember, a fat kicked your ass. You know just, it was my, it was just my little thing. I wasn't even out of the closet just yet.
Speaker 2:And they're just like, and they say quiet, like, oh, a faggot beat you up, a faggot beat you up and I'm just like, and then my friend finally comes in, get in the vehicle, like it was like some deuce of hazard type shit. I'm getting in there it's a whole movie scene. Yeah, it was like. It was like really fucking cool. It felt like a movie scene get in. I'm like okay, cool, so we get in. Like oh shit, I was like are you hungry?
Speaker 1:she's like let's go eat everybody's hungry everybody's always hungry, everybody's just like oh yeah, mcdonald's, mcdonald's. We were not me and my me and my best friend, we were wiener schnitzel girls sorry oh yeah we like the wieners yeah wiener schnitzel was was for us too, depending on the time, but man anytime.
Speaker 2:Make it ease once, yeah, only once, because the wiener schnitzel line was actually pretty good, but we would have to go everybody go to the ocean drive water burger and I'm like no, come on, we would go further away.
Speaker 2:So we would go to the one on saratoga and weber, because nobody would go there. Yeah, so we went there. If you were like going to the water burgers that were close or any restaurant that's close to the fucking bars or whatnot, you're just going to be like it was going to be tight you know what that's funny that you said that?
Speaker 1:because, uh, the friend that I had said that we got kicked out of a place for when we went to go eat. We went to a waterberg, the water burger on um staples yeah, staples and never heart and we got kicked out of there too because that friend, being trunk, was being rude to a couple of gay dudes and we're like, bro, what the hell is your problem? Like, seriously, what is your problem? He's like no, he's dressed like that, and what?
Speaker 1:yeah what do you? What is it? What are you mad about? Like? Is it because he looks cute? Right?
Speaker 2:you got a boner for him, don't you?
Speaker 1:and you just mad about it. See, that's the thing I remember so we had to leave uh-huh water burger and we were pissed because we're like, yes, water burger and we're just like really, bro, really so we had to go all the way to saratoga. At the burger king that was there, they were barely building way out.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, we had to go all the way to saratoga at the burger king that was there they were barely building way out.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, yeah, we had to go all the way over there because we knew it was like nobody would be there for him to act a fool. That's why I'm just like crazy.
Speaker 2:You ruined my night, I remember just not too long ago, I was with pup tart and we were at this water burger. We were not even partying anything. This is like way off subject. Yeah, but two guys are right now are on with the homeless guy and I'm just like they're fighting with the homeless people. Oh what the fuck and everything. They were talking shit to him, just like, and I'm just like, and I started to get up and it's like no, no, no, not our problem not our problem, don't do.
Speaker 2:I'm just like no, you're like you're no, yeah, you know, like you're not gonna do that injustice yeah. So it's just like oh, don't say that should just be embarrassing for who like no yeah, and I literally like I literally look at the guy.
Speaker 2:I'm like, hey, like what? Sit your fucking ass down, bro, you want? I was like I don't think you want any of this, because if you want smoke from me, I was like bitch, remind you, I'm a fat guy and I'm gay and if I fuck you up, do you want that on your record in front of your little friends here? Sit down and the manager comes in. Go sit your fuck. Yeah, I'm gonna call the cops and whatnot and he goes. Fine, I'm gonna sit down like the guy wasn't even doing anything, like he was. They were talking shit to him because he was a homeless man sitting down or whatnot, or whatever, I'm just like what the?
Speaker 2:fuck, but that's just me. I'm just like why are you like no, don't do it.
Speaker 1:But anywho, I got on my friend and you know it was funny and I and I think it's what it was, I don't know what it was. That's why I said, like I don't care, making fun of my friend and tell him to his face, um, the gay guys that came. It was halloween so they were dressed in their costumes. I don't remember what the other one was, just the one that he was pissed off at, but I'll never forget it, because he was dressed like like a boy scout but it was the cutest thing ever, because it was like a tiny little crop top, yeah, and a tiny little skirt he was a host, but it was both, but it was boy scout.
Speaker 2:You know uniform he had little patches and I'm just like I, I loved it.
Speaker 1:I was just like adorable.
Speaker 2:I don't care how hoish it looks adorable he wasn't a boy scout, he was a ho scout. Yeah, but that's what pissed my friend off and that's I'm like don't be that guy, don't be that.
Speaker 1:But he was one of those. Like oh, I'm gangster, blah, blah, blah. Like uh, yeah, you're stupid one I was just like shut up.
Speaker 2:You're not I love me a good gangster though, but that's just me you know what?
Speaker 1:we'll talk about that on another episode. Because no, sir, that's all no.
Speaker 2:No More of the story. Hashtag too old to party.
Speaker 1:Hashtag we are Ristolians.
Speaker 2:Hashtag we are cavemen, women, women, I don't know I mean I'm in, I'm very party person. I like to be out. What now?
Speaker 1:but it's, it's too no yeah, at this point I'd rather just I'll party by myself at home.
Speaker 2:Thanks, uh, yeah, me too with my toys, and I'm okay with that and I'm okay with that. They, they don't talk back to me, they don't, they don't do any of that and you have a whole ass party uh-huh, and they can't get me drunk, you ain't gotta worry about consent no, what was it? I heard this joke. It was so fucking hilarious and it was. Your mom was so ugly she had to get the dildo of viagra to get up. I was like, oh shit, that's so bad.
Speaker 1:It was so fucking bad. But I heard that I was like oh, I fucking oh, oh.
Speaker 2:Speaking of which, before we go, before we go. So we were at the bar. I don't remember who one person was. It was just like like yeah, I'm trying to get my ass fat and everything and whatnot. Well, this dude was built from the top up and, again, I already had like four long island iced teas. I don't know who the fuck the guy is. I was like he goes, yeah, I'm just trying to get it, but you know, I can't get a fat ass. I'm just like squats, bro, and like, yeah, I'm trying to, but I'm working on the, my upper body and everything else. I'm like, oh, I can tell he goes. Yeah, how so? Because your neck's fatter than your stomach, your ass.
Speaker 1:You look like an upside down triangle sir, you got the bullfrog going honey. Ribbit God, that's the worst.
Speaker 2:How are you going to look so fit and have an upside down bullfrog ass, ribbit, ribbit, motherfucker. Only a little sap, sap, sapo On sapito.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, can you imagine that would be so sad if that was like your ringtone. Somebody had that ringtone for you, oh, you know what I think?
Speaker 2:I want to have put that ringtone on my phone now oh my god, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you would. Let's be like turn that shit off.
Speaker 2:Fuck no dude no, dude, I think I have another ring. I got the fucking Pornhub as the theme song at the beginning of the intro, so if someone hears it, it's that.
Speaker 1:Like everybody looks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like what what? You never watch porn in public. It's just so funny because when I have it on and it goes off and kids are looking, I'm just like, oh you little nasty little bitch, tell your mom. Or if I have the grinder notification, like I'm for a text message notification and they're like oh, someone's on grinder. No, that's my notification, it's just a standard notification I think it's just funny to have in here so people can just look at and you see other people.
Speaker 2:I'm just like ah ah ah, faggot, faggot, faggot. You are dl motherfucker. But anyway, more of the story. Have fun, dude, have fun that's as simple as that, but now I appreciate y'all. Thank you so much for tuning into the mature mischief podcast. I am your host, jesse james and I am your co-host, didi until we meet again. You have a good one, love ya, bye.
